Women respect men who can have hard conversations

So if you've been tuning into my show lately and listening to my content, whether it's on my podcast or on my YouTube channel, you probably will have noticed I've been talking about relationships a lot lately. And a buddy of mine and I were having a conversation the other day, and he said, you know, why are you talking so much about relationships? And I said, well, because relationships are an integral part of our life. You know, whether we like it or not, relationships are absolutely paramount to our existence. And if you want to have a joyous life, unless you're going to live a monastic life, right, Unless you're going to be a monk, one of the things that we know about human beings is that the quality of your relationships determines the quality of your life. It determines the quality of your health, oftentimes the quality of your happiness, the quality of the longevity of your life. And so understanding how we do relationships is incredibly important. And he said, well, what do you think is one of the greatest lessons that we as men need to learn within the context of relationships? Because we were talking about how many men have sort of been checking out from relationships, you know, that are just like, screw modern dating, it's garbage. And, you know, dating apps are nonsense. And, you know, I see your comments on my YouTube videos. I read the messages that you send me on Instagram. I read, I get that a lot of you are really fed up with relationships. You know, like somebody the other day said, commented on one of my YouTube videos and said, like, you know, marriage in 2022 equals being a chump, right? Which I got a good kick out of because I'm married. So I was like, I don't know if you're just like, shots fired at me or I don't know, but it was pretty funny. But it gave me a good sense of, like, how frustrated some people are, you know, with, with marriage, with dating, with relationships. And so as my buddy and I are talking, he said, you know, what do you think that we need to know in order to elevate our relationship? You know, how do we as men improve not just our relationship, but ourselves in our relationship? And I said, you know, I think we often underestimate the power and the potency of being able to have hard conversations. Because those hard conversations, you know, you look at somebody like Jordan Peterson, whether you like him or not, right? You might hate him, you might despise his, his ideology, his rhetoric, what he, what he speaks about, but you look at somebody like him and he has hard conversations non stop, constantly. You know, there's a man who is engaging in hard conversations constantly. And it doesn't mean that he's always right, but it certainly has brought a certain amount of attention to him. And you can see that the people in his life, right, whether it's his daughter or his wife, trust him implicitly and they respect him. And I said, you know, I think one of the things that we as men often underestimate is that women respect men who are willing to engage in the hard things. Women respect men who are willing to have hard conversations about what they've been thinking, about what they've been feeling. Hard, hard conversations about what they believe and what they think is true and what they think needs to change about the world. And so when a woman sees that a man is willing to have and engage in those hard conversations, she's more likely to trust him, she's more likely to feel safe with him, and she's more likely to respect him. Now, the beautiful thing is, what does that do for you as a man? Because that's what it does for her, right? Creates some safety for her. She's able to trust you, but what does it do for you? And I think the wonderful thing that I've noticed over the years of engaging in more and more hard conversations through my dating life, because I avoided them, you know, in my 20s, I avoided hard conversations when a woman disagreed with me or if I disagreed with them, I usually just wouldn't even bother engaging with that. You know, I just sort of skirted around it because I was just trying to get laid, and I was just trying to have, you know, or get into a relationship with her, whatever the case was. And I thought that that was going to get in the way. But the wonderful thing is that over the years and now within my current relationship, within my marriage, the hard conversations have actually allowed me to identify the type of woman that I want to be with. It actually honed in what I'm willing to tolerate and not tolerate within a relationship, right? Because, guys, I mean, look, if you're in a relationship with a woman and you don't have the hard conversations with her, you don't know who that woman is really, and you don't know who she's going to be when things get hard, when things get challenging. And so it's a really solid test to the person that you're with, A testament to who they are, a testament to the type of character that they have, a testament to the morals that they have, a testament to the type of judgment that they hold and their sense of integrity or when you engage in those hard conversations, you know, do they turn into somebody who you don't respect? You know, do they act petty and childish and entitled, constantly unable to see their own part in this sort of narcissistic way? Or are they able to self reflect and say, yeah, you know what? I think you're right. I think I might be wrong about this? Are they able to see their part maybe in some breakdown in communication in your relationship? Are they able to challenge, challenge their own beliefs? You know, maybe you're having a political conversation, maybe you're talking about the patriarchy, or you're talking about, you know, some other topic that's very charged, right? Because there's, there's a ton of topics in our culture today, whether it's politics or talking about men and men's issues or, you know, that's why I jokingly said the patriarchy, because that seems to be a very heated topic to talk to women about. So if you engage in these conversations with them and you have these conversations around topics that are traditionally, maybe not traditionally, but historically more open to talk about, but topics that today are very charged, you're going to get a sense of who they are, what they value, what matters to them, what they think, what they respect, what they admire, who they want to be around. And you're going to get a sense of whether or not that woman is right for you. That, that's the beauty of hard conversations. That's why you, as a man, when you are dating women, right? Whether you're in the dating phase or in a relationship or you're married, it is never too late to begin to engage in difficult conversations. There's a few things I think I just wanted to sort of put out in terms of how to have those difficult conversations, because I think that oftentimes how we engage in those conversations is, Is really important. If you're going into the conversation to try and prove something, to try and be right about something, to try and convince her of something, you're missing the point of the hard conversation, right? The hard conversation is not to try and get her to think exactly what you think or to believe exactly what you believe or to adopt your mentality. The hard conversation is about revealing who she actually is. So you need to let go of the notion that, that you need to be right in the conversation. Because the conversation, you know, if you're talking about politics or, or feminism or whatever it might be, right, Climate change or food shortage or the economy, if you enter into the conversation of I'm going to try and force you to believe my opinion. Then you're going to miss out on what does she actually think and believe. And you, you're probably going to miss out on the possibility of. Of even influencing or changing her mind, right? That there's maybe even a possibility that she might adopt a different mindset. And I see a lot of guys doing this. They get into a relationship, they get into a marriage, and they try and convince their partner to think like they think or to believe like they believe, and it just leads to battles and conflicts. So first and foremost, engage in these hard conversations by letting go of the need to. To be right. Okay? Secondly, think about finding the right time to engage in these conversations, all right? If your girlfriend or your wife or, you know, whoever you're dating has just come home from work and you trying to, like, bounce into some really difficult conversation or you're trying to talk about politics, it might not be the right time. So open the conversation with an invitation, right? Hey, I wanted to talk to you about X. Are you open to having that conversation? Right. Right now? Hey, I want to talk to you about politics. I want to talk to you about the economy, or I wanted to talk to you. And maybe those aren't things that you even want to talk to the women that you're dating, right? Maybe you. Maybe you're not interested in that, and that's fine. But I would say at some point in the relationship, you're going to need to have those conversations so that you understand where they stand, right? I'm going to say that again. You need to have the hard conversations about politics, about gender identity, about religion, about. About finances, about the economy, because you're going to need to know where they stand and what they. What they stand for, right? So find a time to have the conversation, let go of the need to be right. And then finally, when the other person is listening, right? So you. You start the conversation, you're like, hey, is now a good time to talk about politics? And they're like, yes, now's the time. And you're not trying to be right. Come from a place of just trying to listen and elicit, listen and elicit. And one of the things that I found to be really, really helpful is just the art of curiosity is asking questions like, okay, well, why do you believe that? And why do you think that? And why do you feel that way about that certain person? Or what brought you to that, to that conclusion? What books have you read on this subject and come from a place that's like, it's not condescending, that's not trying to intimidate them, but from a place of like, I genuinely want to understand what brought you to this place. Because maybe it's not a book or a person that they've listened to. Maybe it's a very personal experience that they've gone through. And the wonderful thing is that regardless of what it is, you're going to learn something incredibly valuable about who that woman is. And she in turn is going to feel more understood by you. She's going to trust you more and more. And again, the ultimate thing is you're going to be able to really identify whether that person is the right person for you. So that's very specific if you're in, you know, a relationship or if you're dating. So comment below, let me know what you thought about this video. What would you add in terms of why hard conversations are important and how to actually have them? What tips and tricks have you found to be very helpful for you and which ones that I shared have been helpful for you to have those hard conversations? So thanks for tuning in. And this is Connor Beaton signing off.