A short interview-style conversation (Connor Beaton interviewing another speaker) about how people personalize mistakes—treating failures as reflections of core identity—and how that tendency can stem from upbringing, especially a religious background that conveys constant surveillance and intolerance for error.
Why do you feel like we personalize the mistakes that we make where it's almost as though when we screw up, that failure is a reflection of who we foundationally are? It's like a reflection on our identity?
I don't like feeling stupid. I hate feeling like I could have made a better decision. I'll take an individual mistake and allow it to define me for an extended period of time. And I know that's not healthy. Even being someone who has written extensively on the topic. I consider myself a pretty deep thinker to do what I do for a living. But I'm not immune to the same mental struggles that most men are. And it's that feeling of being stupid that really been something in my life that I've always struggled with. And I do think it probably stems from when I was a teenager and I grew up in a very religious household. I always just felt like there was this overarching eye on me and I couldn't make mistakes. When you grow up with this idea that God or some other being is always watching you, it's very hard to not internalize that mistake and kind of beat yourself up for it over time.
How to Raise Strong, Unshakable Boys in Today's Culture, with Dr. Shefali Tsabary
