2024 Rants!

Hey, girl. Welcome to the get yout Guy coaching podcast. My name is Anwar White, but you can just call me your own personal dating and relationship coach. Each week you'll hear actionable advice, tips and strategies that you can implement in your own love life. I'm talking about healing your heart, dating effectively and understanding men so that you can, you guessed it, get your guy. Are you ready to level up your love life? All right, let's go.

Hello my loves, and welcome to the GetYourGuy coaching podcast. This is going to be the last episode of the year for 2024 and it's been an amazing year. I want to thank everyone for your love and support and your following. I truly, truly appreciate it. Now with that said, you know, this year I've gone through, I don't know how to say this, a mini rant, honey. I love to rant. I love to talk my ish, as you know. And so I wanted to share with you a compilation of some rants that I think might be hopefully groundbreaking and just like true tea for you to think about your life, specifically your dating life, completely differently. So with that said, I hope that you enjoy some of these run a little bit longer, but I wanted to make sure that I. I was spilling all the tea. No drops left. Alright, here we go. It's not your job to heal black men. If you're a black woman. I need you to understand that it is not your job to heal black men. That's their job. A lot of black women will say, oh my God, they have it so hard. You have it harder.

You have it harder. Now what we don't. You don't need to be gentle with black men. If you're gentle with them, you're treating them like boys and not men. If you are going to be gentle with them, you are going to be babying them. You can do that if you want. Go ahead and help them heal. Do everything that you can for them. What did Kanye say? That's what he'll do. Everything that you want to do for him, you have to do for yourself. And when you do that for yourself, you will attract more self actualized men. No man wants to be saved by a woman. He won't just resent you, he will hate you in the same way that he hates and loves his mother at the same time. You don't want to be that girl. You want to give him the space to self actualize himself so that he can feel proud of himself, to attain and achieve the things that he must do to fulfill his purpose as a man. Trust. I'm sharing this with you because I don't think a lot of people are going to tell you that he will hate you. That's why those nice girls that do everything for them and then they get dumped and then the next girl, the guy marries them within six months.

That's it. When you think this way, then this is very important. It may be because you want to be saved and you're projecting onto these men what you want for yourself. But the gag is, girl, that no one is going to save you. A man can't save you. A man can't save you. You have to save yourself. So I will tell you something. When you go to lifeguard school for the girls who can swim, no shade, they will tell you that if you can do it, don't jump in the water. And they will tell you that because when you try to save someone, the person that you are trying to save will drown you to save themselves.

So they teach a lot of lifeguard to throw that little buoy out first.

Because if not, girl, you drowning. Don't save these men. Please don't save yourself. Why do I say this? Because the energy and the love that you put into yourself will inspire him to be better.

And he will raise himself if he is ready to love you in the same way that you love yourself. Girl. Most women are actually really scared of men, and they have a right to be because men are super scary because many of them are predators. And so what I wanted to do as a dating coach for almost 15 years and as your fairy godbrother is to share with you. So some of the signs that a lot of these male predators are looking for when they're trying to date you to see if they can exploit you, manipulate you, and just take control and advantage of you. Okay, so first, let's talk about reactions. They're always going to be looking at your reaction, so they will often test you by saying something a little bit disrespectful, teasing you or a joke. You are going to have to set a boundary immediately and let them know how it makes you feel. That hurt my feelings. That made me uncomfortable. They will also compliment you, and they will look to your reaction if you are minimizing it or saying, no, I'm not beautiful, right? Or you're acting like you've never had a compliment before in your life. Oh, my God. Thank you so much. This is so nice of you. I can't believe you're saying this. They already got you, girl. Okay, so they're looking at your reactions to how they are communicating with you. The other reaction that they're looking for is if they, they're going to ask you for a favor, they're going to ask you maybe for money, for a ride to the airport, maybe even career advice, right? Please don't give it to them. Don't give them anything they want to see is she going to give to me? Because real men, men that are in their masculine energy, they want to give to you, they don't want to take from you. Okay, now let's talk about what you say in your words. So if you're saying a lot of, I don't know, he already knows that he has you because it means that you're not checking in with yourself, that your head and your heart are disconnected. If you're saying a lot of self deprecating things and humor, oh no, you know, I'm not that smart or I'm not that good at math. He already knows that you don't think highly of yourself so that you can just co sign on whatever you're, whatever you're thinking, he can cosign on that and you can start to stay in like a lower vibration or a lower sense of self worth. Okay, the other thing, if you're saying things like I'm dating for marriage, I'm dating with intention. First of all, every man knows that if you're dating, you're dating for all of that. And if you feel like you have to say it, he knows that you're desperate for it. You're desperate to be chosen, you're desperate to be in a relationship and to be married. Don't say those things. Also don't talk about your healing journey. Everyone's healing, right? But if you're talking about your healing journey, he's going to take it as, oh, you must have really gone through some stuff. So you're going to be open to going through some stuff some more. So let's also talk about the physical. Okay, so if you're around a guy and you start fidgeting with your clothes, right, it means that you're trying to, you're trying to look good for him, that he already has control over you. Or if, for example, and I'm a girl's girl, but I want you to, I want to put you on here, if I see more skin than clothes, he knows that you're thirsty for attention and that if he gives it to you, you're going to be putting in his hands. Okay, the other thing is, if you don't feel good about your body if you. If you're super tall or maybe you're thicker. A lot of those. A lot of those women, or even super skinny, right? You'll try to be small, right? And your posture will actually say a lot about you. And this is how the predators will target you. Okay? So that's the physical part. Now let's talk about your actions. Don't chase. Don't initiate texts. Don't initiate calls because you're chasing him. And when you chase him, he already knows that he has you. Okay? This is like catnip for predators. Now, I hope this is really helpful for you, and let me know if you have any other kind of telltale signs for a predator while you're dating. But I will tell you this, and this is the work that I do in my program with my ladies. All of this is related, especially if you're a black or brown woman, to a mother womb. And that your definition of love, your bonding pattern, if you have a highly critical and judgmental mother, hits each and every one of these things. So if you want to learn how to do it differently, definitely book a call with me. But understand that if you don't, that's fine too. We've got to really heal that mother wound. I hope this helps, but here's what I want to offer all of you, and this is what I do on my program. So if you want to do this work, you definitely want to book a call with me.

Many of you are still.

Focused on being a daughter and not a woman. Let me pray myself. A lot of us are raised to be great daughters, but not great women. So what that means is a daughter, what does she do? She listens. She obeys.

She does what she's told.

She doesn't cause any trouble. So oftentimes, we will do that because that is what gave us the attention and the validation that we need. She gets good grades as an adult. She has a good job. Stop being a good daughter. That's not gonna help you.

In life, but especially in dating. We need to learn how to be a good woman. And I know it's so freaking ironic since I'm a gay man telling you this, but I'm sharing this with you Based on the 15 years of dating coaching that I've been doing. The quicker that you can get out of her shadow and be desperate for her love, the quicker that you can find true love in dating, because the things that you will need to do, a good daughter can't do the good Daughter doesn't stress her mom out.

A good girlfriend stresses her man out.

That bonds him to her.

A good daughter obeys, doesn't talk back. A good girlfriend does what she wants and speaks up first. But this is the sort of work that we do in my program. We go much deeper. Yeah, girl, you know me. I can talk about Ds all day, every day, but we really want to do the work. This is what it sounds like.

So whatever your daughter ways are, you need to drop them and drop them immediately. Girl, let's clock it. I know exactly who's checking for you, and all I have to do is look at your hairstyle. Yeah. As a dating coach for 15 years, as someone who is your fairy godbrother and gets three to four women into relationships every week, I know I can look at a client and I can say I know who she's gonna be with. So let's get into it right here and right now. Girl, if you got braids, those white guys are checking for you. The Asians are checking for you. You, your braids tend to skew younger. Also, the biracial and the white chocolates, they're going to be checking for you. Now, if you have any sort of color in your braids, girl, the lesbians are checking for you. Okay? Now if you have a short afro or if you have locks, it's a little bit tricky because you're going to engage and attract two different kinds of guys, the white guys or the grand risers, AKA the hoteps. Okay? So figure out which one you want, girl, because those are two very different men. If you're silk pressed or you're relaxed, you're going for a guy that's a little bit more conservative. And that is across the board, across the racial color lines, girl. Okay, now if you're into wigs, weaves specifically straight, I'm talking about one out of the hair chart. It's black eyes, black eyes, wigs, weaves that are straight, it's black guys. Now if you are, you have a longer weave wig or your natural hair and it has a looser Curl, it's like a 2. Latino and Arab guys or middle Eastern guys. Okay, now if you are like a three, like a short curly, you, you gonna really tend for a rich white guy, a Latino guy. Oh, I also forgot, girl, if you have a short pixie cut or you have finger waves, old black guy, girl, I call them the Motowns. That's your lane, girl. Stick with it now. Oh, and girl, if you have a bob, you attracting the gay boys, the bisexuals, and the more submissive men. Ask me about a later girl. Now if you are four, all natural, wash and go, girl. White, white, white. Okay. In terms of color, honey, blonde goes well with everything. Everybody's into that. If you're a blonde, blonde girl, you. The lesbians are on you, girl. The, the white guys, the white, white, the brads, the chads, the blonde guys are checking for you and then the married guys are checking for you. Now if you have red hair, the f boys are checking for you. Okay, how to know if a guy has mama issues? Good question. So.

I think about this in three ways. I think about, I'll put it in the, in the context of the mother. So I think guys have three different mothers, mothers that have used their sons as emotional or let's just say surrogate partners. There's what we call enmeshment. And so oftentimes what will happen, this man will be spoiled. And so when you are engaging with men, especially black men now, you have a lot of enmeshed and spoiled black men because they grew up with single mothers.

And a lot of those single mothers made them their partners. And so they did everything for them as if these sons were their husbands. So when you're talking about, oh my God, these guys think that they're the prize, well, girl, 76% of black households in the 90s were single parent households. What did you expect?

Okay, so that's, that's one thing. The other thing that I'm seeing a lot of in terms of mommy issues is codependence.

If he's talking to his mom multiple times a day.

That'S an issue.

That's an issue.

Grown man needs to be doing grown man things. That's no shade.

Right? Codependency is, you know, he feels in charge of her emotional, physical, everything. Well, being. It's not, it's respectfully speaking, it's not his job. I mean, if he's the only one there, of course you want to protect and sometimes provide for your mother if she doesn't have any other means. But this is important because if he is hyper focused on mom, he can't be hyper focused on you.

Okay? And then the third one that I see is the abusive parent.

Which is the mother who.

Did not speak life into her child, always dogged him out and talked about how he wasn't shit and how he's not going to amount to anything. Right?

Those, I think, are.

Really scary guys because generally what will happen. So if you hear a guy and he Says, oh, yeah, I don't talk to my mother anymore.

You should ask why. Because eight times out of 10, it's because that's the kind of mother that he had. And what that means is because that was his foundational or core relationship with a woman, he is going to be.

So resentful of women that he's going to take it out on you. His mom rage. He's taking it out on you and every other woman that's out there.

So don't be afraid to ask these men, oh.

Talk to me about your mom.

A lot of people saying, yes, yes, yes for that third one.

Because as you may know, ladies.

A lot of these moms are really critical and judgmental, especially black moms.

It's the trauma that they've received that they push out to the other generations.

Yeah.

What if his mom has passed? Then he's going to have abandonment wounds, and he's going to be clingy.

Super clingy.

Okay, Kim Lache said, what's the tea on dating a white chocolate man? I guess the question that I have for you is when you go to your local store, corner store, bodega, and you go to the candy section.

Do you pick the white chocolate or do you pick the milk chocolate? I think most of you will pick the milk chocolate. Some of y' all will pick the dark chocolate. That's okay, too. It is. Because what are the dangers? The dangers are that a lot of these white chocolate men are. Are cosplaying chocolate.

And when it becomes inconvenient for them, they'll turn into some Starbursts or some Skittles, you know, like Travis Kelsey, local country, like Beyonce did.

Right. And so that can be really dangerous. The other thing is, and this is no shade. This is no shade.

A lot of these, a lot of our community give them way too much credit for the smallest of the small. This one white chocolate man does the butterfly, and then he's everything.

The. The bar that we actually evaluate these white chocolate men is so low.

That when they do the bare minimum, it's like they're a 10, even if he's giving two or three.

So what happens is that his head gets really big. You know, those bobbleheads?

That's how big his head is.

And so when a man has a big head.

What happens? The bigger the head, the shittier he treats women.

Yeah. And they get all invited to a cookout because he gave you aave.

And because he is cosplaying white chocolate. Dumb.

Oftentimes they will think that they have black privileges that they don't. So their boundaries.

Can someone sometimes get a little. They think that they have a lot of different.

They can say things and do things that.

They don't have privilege to do.

You know, so that's why. And the other thing is, right.

They have a lot of privilege. They will have 6, 8, 12 black women chasing after them. You know, so that's why.

I wouldn't do it.

I want you to think of some of these white chocolate men as still colonizing space, Black space.

I'm not saying that they're all evil. I'm just saying that they take it upon themselves to have certain liberties similar to what colonizers did and do. So.

And you're talking to someone who has experienced them. And that's why y' all are gagging here in the chat, because you already know. Yes, honey, Justin Timberlake. And what does he do? Pulls off your titty cover.

Okay, sunshine said, I'm afraid the guy I'm talking to is DL or bi. He's very feminine. What to look for? So don't gag on the femininity girl. Like, actually.

The guys that are kind of feminine are actually more, like, okay with themselves, and they're just being themselves. So femininity is not a thing. Like, most of the DL guys that I used to mess with were, like, very straight acting.

Very.

So gag on that. So DL guys. So I think bi guys have a lot of piercings. So if he has a nose piercing and multiple ear piercings.