A Couple of Clients Tell All

Hey, girl. Welcome to the get yout Guy coaching podcast. My name is Anwar White, but you can just call me your own personal dating and relationship coach. Each week you'll hear actionable advice, tips, and strategies that you can implement in your own love life. I'm talking about healing your heart, dating effectively, and understanding men so that you can, you guessed it, get your guy. Are you ready to level up your love life? All right, let's go.

Okay, I have a client here, Ms. Carol, and I'm going to bring her on and she can talk a little bit about her experience.

Just kind of being in the program. Go from there. Hello.

Hi.

How are you?

I'm great. Happy to be on the Live. This is my first time going live on Instagram.

Yes, you are, like, popular. You're a star.

Hi, everyone. So, Carol, introduce yourself.

Let them know how old you are, like, where you're from, what you do, and then we'll talk a little bit about your experiences.

Sure. So my name is Carol Guerrero. I am from Lynn, Massachusetts, by way of Dominican Republic. My parents are both Dominican immigrants. I have lived in Massachusetts now for two years after having moved away for a while for law school and to be a teacher for a while. So I'm on my third career as a lawyer and happy to be back in Boston. I joined the program officially in September, but I've been, like, a longtime follower of N Word for the whole. For all of 2021 at the referral of a good friend and somebody else that I knew that was in the program and was having a really positive experience. And so I just, you know, I consumed, like, everything that Anwar said publicly. And then I joined the program and there was a lot. A whole lot more. So I'm happy to chat with you all today. I also see some people in here that I know, so. Hey.

Amazing. Very cool. Very cool. Very cool. So talk to me a little bit about. You mentioned that you basically were stalking me.

You put yourself out there, though. You put yourself out there.

I try, girl. I try. So talk to me, because we had a conversation, I want to say, in April and May. Right. And so.

You were kind of listening and hearing what I had to say and why.

What.

What did you feel I was saying that maybe was interesting to you and why did you decide to kind of join the program?

Yeah, that's a great question. I think I was in the dating world, and I was confused all the time about what different things meant when men did them and how I should receive them, whether it meant that I needed to dig in and do more work, whether they were playing around.

And so I really was looking for a way to, like, be systematic in my dating and not just, like, floating in the wind, which is definitely what I was doing.

And so the first podcast I listened to, I think, is your intro podcast, which was a session you did with, I think, a business group. And I remember listening to that and being like, oh, like, unexpected. And then, like, as the podcast progressed, I was like, oh, there's like, a system to this. And it also, like, really aligned with my values. Like, I didn't feel like, you know, like, I should have to change or, like, that I should.

Be, like, following some arbitrary, like, 90 day rule or something.

Girl, please don't.

Exactly. And so I just felt like what you were saying really aligned with, like, the growth mindset that I was trying to adopt. And I felt like what you were saying was very, like, internally consistent with how I think. And so I thought, like, okay, there's something here. And, like, that's what I kept listening for. And then I just had a lot of little breakthroughs, like just listening to the podcast and on my own. And so I just got to a point where I was dating, and I really liked this guy. And then he hit me with something that just, like, kind of blindsided me. And I was like, man, like, I would really like to talk to somebody about this, because I don't know if this is a deal breaker, and I also have feelings about it. I'm not sure how to navigate it. And, like, I could talk to my friends, but, like, your friends have a million opinions, you know, and none of them are necessarily the way to go. And I just thought, like, I've been listening to Anwar for, like, eight months, and I just know that he would have, like, something good to say about this, but. And so I'm gonna reach out. And then I did. And, like, that guy that I was struggling with, like, I just. I just didn't know what to do and how to navigate the situation is now my boyfriend. So that's because of you. And so I just have to say that, like, it's not. I tell people recently, like, it's not just dating. It's, like, life coaching.

So how we do nothing is how we do everything, right?

That's exactly right. And it's, like, changed so much of how I interact with him and with other people. And so it's been. It's been great.

Thank you so much for sharing that. So talk to me a little bit about your love life before the program, and then we can talk about your love life a little bit, you know, during the program and kind of. What are some of those things that you've learned, if you wouldn't mind sharing?

Sorry, I think I got kicked out there, but I'm back, so. Yeah. So my love life before the program?

Well, I was dating. I was dating, and.

You know, I had a lot of expectations of what my guy would be, and if he wasn't meeting those expectations, I was kind of, like.

Disappointed. But I would keep it to myself because I wanted to keep the peace. Right. And so, yeah, that was my mo. I also just, like, I did a lot of work, you know, Like, I was like, let's go. Let's go on this date. Or, like, you know, I wasn't. I wasn't necessarily observing what they were doing. I was, like, making things happen as I do as, you know, women successfully.

As an overachiever.

Right.

I work with overachieving women, specifically, most of them being women of color. And so it's a natural inclination for you to just make it happen and get it done.

Exactly, exactly.

Complete opposite of what you should be doing in dating.

It was really counterintuitive. It was so counterintuitive. So I was doing the most, you know, I was trying to make things happen and, like, not observing and receiving men for, like, what they were doing. And so that just led to a lot of disappointment and, like, a lot of, like.

Effort that just made me feel less energetic about dating, you know? Like I said, I felt like, oh, man, this is just another one. And I'm just like, this is where we are, so let me just accept this. I just couldn't see the path out of that cycle. And so that was before we started working together. Even though I was listening to the podcast and trying to internalize everything you were saying, I think that's a really.

Good point, because I think sometimes people will be listening to my lives or my podcast, and they're thinking, oh, oh, my God, this is great. I don't really need to hire a dating coach. I'm getting all of this, like, you know, all of these great things that I'm hearing from him, and it's like, I had him as a coach, but, like, without paying.

Right, right. Exactly. Exactly. I just remember you always said, like, this is the tip of the iceberg. And I was like, man, like, I know that, and I just want to know.

And so I would say, though, that, like, the lot. The podcast, like, really helped me start to shift my mindset. I was like, how are people showing up for me? Let me stop chasing. And so then I started dating people that were showing up, but, like, who I was incompatible with. And, like, I just was hyper focused on one person because I didn't want to go back out there because I didn't necessarily have a strategy about how to, like, efficiently sift through the men that pop up on these apps. And so after I started working with you.

You know, I had already met this guy, right. But I was also talking to other people, and that was encouraging because I felt like I had a really efficient system for working through the apps while also confused about. Not confused, but, like, dating the guy who's not my boyfriend. And so.

I felt like it was really systematic. And at no point did I feel like I needed to make it work with the one guy because I knew that there were other guys that I could. Could that would become options. And so I would say that the biggest shift was, like, I stopped hyper focusing. And I also just, like, had a strategy both for the people I was dating and the people that I was yet to meet.

Yeah, I love that. So I think sometimes people are like, will I really find someone and get with someone just because I'm, like, kind of date with the dating coach. And so what would you say to those people that feel that way?

I just have to say that, like, a year ago, you know, like, I was devastated by this, like, breakup that I had with somebody that I was dating who I wasn't exclusive with, but, like, who just, like, totally came out of left field and, like, shocked me, you know, And I was in such a place where I was like this. I see around me that my friends are in relationships that make a lot of sense and that they can be their full selves with and that, like.

That just, like, are really a match. And I don't see that for myself, like, at all, you know? And I feel like I have to do X, Y, and Z before I can meet that person, before I even start dating. And so. And now, like, I'm in this relationship that, like, it just, like, blows my mind how secure I feel all the time, or, you know, most of the time, we have our moments. We're a work in progress.

Don't we all, girl?

But, like, I. I just feel so secure with him. And, like, I feel like I want to be with him all the time. And, like, I'm an introvert. Like, I don't. I don't. Like, like, I don't. I can't be around people 100% of the time, right? And, like, when he leaves, I miss him, you know, Like, I want him to be around. And so, like, I really. I think I said to someone recently, like, I think he's my person, you know, Like, I think. I think he is. And it's just like a. Like, it's like, unbelievable most that. That transformation from a year ago, and it really just required, like, a mindset shift, you know? And I think in the program, you talk about, like, unconscious incompetence. You know, like, at one point, I had no idea that I was doing it wrong, and that's why it wasn't going well. And then when I started listening to you, I realized that I didn't know what I was doing, but, like, I could fix it. And now I'm at the point where I'm, like, consciously thinking about how to do this well. And, like, I. And like, with your help, I'm figuring that out. And so I feel like I'm going to get to the point where, like, I'm, like, in this relationship, I'm confident and I know exactly what I need to do to, like, be my full self and be received by this person that I'm choosing to spend my time with. And so.

Does that answer your question? I can't remember what the.

It does. Okay, there was a huge mines set shift for you. What other things have you kind of received from the program or learned that have been game changers for you?

Who. The biggest one, which I feel like I had a breakthrough about, like, just last week, is that I think when something is sitting on. On my spirit, you know, like, I need to communicate it. And it's not necessarily, like, reprimanding or, like, or, you know, calling somebody out. It's just like, this is my truth and I'm gonna tell you in a loving way, and, like, I hope that you can accept it. And like, I think as a people pleaser, I often thought, like, I can't tell someone when I'm upset, and, like, it's better for me to not tell them. That will keep the peace. But the truth is that by suppressing my real feelings, I, like, create inner turmoil within myself, and that affects how I move all the time.

You know, peace outwardly, creating war inwardly.

Exactly, exactly. And so, for example, like, something like, I hadn't said something that was bothering me, and then, like, every little thing started bothering me.

Don't I know it, girl.

And so, like, that's affected my relationships with, like, certain family members that I fight with all the time. That's affected relationships with, like, certain co workers who, like, cross boundaries. And, you know, it's like a really.

I couldn't have even identified six months ago that I was keeping this inner turmoil within myself to keep the peace elsewhere, and that it wasn't even working. You know, I just feel like I've become a lot more in tune with my feelings because you're always asking me, like, how are you feeling? And I'm like, oh, let me think about that.

When you're someone who is always achieving things you're always doing, and you don't really check in with yourself to understand how you're feeling, and I'm hoping that you understand and you can maybe attest to this that, like, how you're feeling is so. It's like the number one thing that needs to be known and clarified in the relationship or it won't work.

Right, right, right. I mean, the other thing that. That's. Right. That's 100% right. The other thing that. That helps is vulnerability, you know, and, like, I have found that I've said something that was, like, extremely vulnerable. Like, I felt very exposed by. And the only thing that has come from that is, like, more connection because it has allowed him to be more vulnerable. And it's like, I've told you, like, I feel like, a vulnerability hangover sometimes because I'm like, wow, that was a lot. Like, I just can't believe I said all that, you know? And then, like, there have been, like, the direct consequence of that has been him, like, revealing something that was vulnerable for him. And so I'm just like. Even when I have that vulnerability, like, cringe, I'm like, it's okay. Like, this is a safe space, and it's gonna create a safe space for him too. And so.

I just. I didn't. Honestly, I didn't know how to do that even. Like, I see in theory, like, I can think about. I could think about how to do that, but I could. I literally couldn't do it until you and I, like, literally spoke about it, like, what are the words? You know, and had some of those moments ourselves between you and me, so that I could then communicate them to. To. To my guy.

So I'm so glad that you're sharing this. One of the things that I also do with my clients is, you know, we go through exactly how we're supposed to lead up to an exclusive relationship, and we prepare for that conversation. And, you know, my job is to be of the utmost support for my clients. And I know that we've had some moments, right, where we've been texting, whether it's 6 in the morning or 11pm after a date.

Right, right, right.

About those moments. Because lot of people maybe aren't understanding like. Like what sort of support happens in the program.

Yeah, that's a good point. That's a good. That was like one of my first moments where I thought, oh, the program's really worth it because I was on a fourth date. I still remember.

I do too.

And it was this great day that I, like, had a really good time in. And at this point, we hadn't kissed or he hadn't made any moves. Like, we hadn't even held hands. And so I was like, okay, this date was great. Like, there's no way it's not gonna happen at the end of this date. And then in the last five minutes, he just. It was like he became a different person. Like he was walking with his hands like, like clung together behind his back. He gave me like a half second hug. And then it like felt like he just ran away. Like he gave me the half second hug and ran away. And I was like, I literally was standing in the middle street, like, what? It doesn't make any sense. And so I texted Anwar and I said, you know, I'm like really frustrated right now. And then he asked me some follow up questions. You asked me some follow up questions. And I. And I remember you saying, like, okay, you need to tell him this. And I was like, whoa, like, I can't tell him that. But then you said like, this. How you. This is how you. This is something you could say, but, like, say it in your own words. I said, exactly. I said essentially what you told me. And it led to this, like, very productive conversation about where he was and whether he was in, like, whether he was feeling it romantically or whether it.

Was just a friendship. And he was very interrupt. You assumed because there wasn't a lot of physical intimacy, that he wasn't really feeling it.

Exactly. And he was like, I wouldn't be talking to you every day if I wasn't feeling it. Like, he was. He felt the exact opposite of what I was assuming.

And I just want to let the ladies out there know who are listening. Men who do not get physical with you really quickly are actually serious about it. And I don't. I think that sometimes people don't understand that, that they think, oh, you're not trying to do anything that means you don't like me. No, actually the complete opposite. And I think that was the moment that I had to share that with you, it was like, no, no. This is something that is actually. He's making very sacred and he's overly respecting your boundaries because he cares about you that much.

Yeah. And he has continued to do that. And I've felt a lot of safety from that. To your point about the coaching, that was I think maybe like a week into the program. And so I felt like, wow, and. Or like immediately heard and understood what I was saying. And like, immediately at like 11:30 at night or whatever, it was like, yes.

Honey, I'm texting in the bed with my partner on this side. I know he thinks I'm cheating on him.

No, it's my client. It's my client. He needs me. Right, right. And then like, and, and I mean, all of that happened within a week, you know, and working with you. And so I just like, that built a lot of trust for me because I was like, oh, anyone's gonna hear, like, gonna understand what I'm going through and is going to like, immediately, like, step in. And like, that's borne out many times. Like, I think I was on the west coast, like on a trip with Bae, right. And I was texting you like, 5am Wait, by the way, that's one of.

The first long trips with bae, Right?

Right.

A lot of firsts.

I continue to have a lot of firsts. Yes.

Yeah, Yeah. I just, I want to honor that because I think that we date for so long and it's hard. And so when you do, when you do have these opportunities and experiences, it's so beautiful. So I'm so happy.

Thank you.

Thanks.

I'm happy for me too.

Okay, so you were with BAE on a west coast.

Yes, I was with bae. And I was like, anwar, this is happening. And it was. And I was like, please respond at a more appropriate time. I'm just texting you now because he's asleep. You're like, these are the two minutes I have to text about this. And he was like, and Anwar, you said, like, I have three children. I'm awake.

Like, so you've just been like, abundantly available. Like, I don't understand how you do it. And I'm really grateful for it because sometimes, like, it just feels so important in the moment.

And it. And you know, it's nice to have somebody to bounce ideas off of that isn't just like a friend who's like, oh, girl. Like, yeah, that sucks. Somebody who is like, really thinking about what my long term goals are and like, how I can Honor myself in these situations that sometimes feel like they get in the way of those goals.

Yeah. Yeah, definitely. So for anyone who may be on the fence, thinking about coming into the program or not, what would you say to them?

I would say if in six months, and I don't think that it will take that long because I've only been in the program for, like, three. If in six months you could feel like this love life thing, which is a mystery to you, could be resolved, would you do it? You know, and, like, I have full faith in Anwar about his experience and, like, talents, true talents in this space. And so.

It'S just a question of whether you want to get to where you want to be. And if you do, then you should sign up. Because, I mean, I just. I knew what the value was, but I just had no idea how I would get there. And, like, the day to day value is just, like, far beyond what I pay for it.

So.

Yeah, 100%.

Thank you, girl, you're buttering me up.

I feel so good and warm inside.

It's so sweet of you. I'm glad I could return some of it because you give it to me so often, girl.

Thank you.

Well, Carol and I have a session right now, so we gotta go. We gotta talk about bae, we gotta talk about everything that's going on. But, Carol, thank you so much for sharing your experience with, you know, all of the followers. And for those of you that are interested in having an amazing experience like Carol has, you can DM me and we can have our first date on a consultation. Call if you want to go to www.getyourguycoaching.com apply, we'll have our first date, and then before you know it, your love life is going to be rocking out.

All right, I have a current client that is going to. We're going to chat and talk about it. Okay. Here she is. Oh, my gosh. Hey, Pam, girl.

Hello.

Hello.

How are you?

I'm good. How are you doing?

I'm doing fantastic.

You look good.

Oh, thank you. Thank you. Got my hair done.

Yes. It looks good, girl.

Okay.

Thank you.

Happy holidays to you. I haven't talked to you in a while because I've taken the last week or so off. Have you been?

I've been fantastic. Fantastic. You know, busy. Always busy.

She's. She's a busy lady, y'.

All.

Look, I'm. Let me just say, I'm so happy. I want to thank you so much for taking time out of your busy schedule to just kind of chat with Me and also chat with the followers and listeners of the podcast about, you know, your experience. I think it's like really helpful to hear from people who are actually going through the program to understand what, what it looks like, what sort of support is given at that time just so that they can, for those of those women that are on the fence, get an understanding of what it really looks like. Because that's the question that I get a lot. But before we kind of get into that, why don't you kind of just maybe introduce yourself a little bit, Tell the people who you are and how fabulous you are.

Okay. Yes. Hi, my name is Pam.

I'm usually on here at Speech Orlando. I'm a speech language pathologist. I own my own practice. I am a single mother, I of three amazing children, ages 21, 18 and 8. So busy, busy, busy. I'm an author, I'm a guest speaker, business, business consultant and just busy, busy, busy. And I love life and, you know, so I excel at a lot of things. And some things not so much.

You are a high achieving woman, which is, you know, the women that I work with. And it's been a joy to coach you and continue to coach you. So why don't you talk a little bit about kind of your thought process into working with me. Right, because you have been dating for a while, but there's a specific decision that is, that is made to like actually do this thing. So talk, to talk to the people about it.

Okay, so.

Oh my gosh, I see so many speech language pathologists on here, which is funny. Okay, so a little bit about me being a high achieving speech language pathologist. I put a lot into being a speech language pathologist, a speech therapist, building my practice, being there for my kids, being there for my husband when he was alive. I'm widowed right now, so I put a lot into that. I didn't put a lot into healing me and my inner child and kind of even having an idea of what I want as far as relationships and different things like that. So when my husband did pass away, I just kind of buried all of that down. And I don't know, whenever there is a good time to really start working on that, you're always, oh, I'll do it. When.

I ultimately I felt like it was time to work on some things because I wanted to put myself first and I definitely wanted to hopefully leave some kind of good legacy with my kids. Like, I want them to see that they're, you know, their healing is important, that it's ongoing. It's an ongoing work, and it's worth it, and it's something to be valued. So it's been a process. It continues to be a process.

Yeah, definitely. Definitely. So let's talk a little bit about you coming into the program, and let's talk about some of the things that you've gained Right. As you have kind of gone through this process.

Okay.

Can I just be honest? Honestly, I was very resistant. No, I. I knew I wanted it for myself, but I wasn't always like, yeah, let's go.

Many times.

There's a lot of eye rolls, and, you know, it's not always comfortable. But coming into the program, I had a lot of walls up, and I had a lot of difficulty with vulnerability. Like, I thought I was okay in these areas, like, thinking, okay, I'm good, you know. You know, I can be vulnerable with guys. I'm good with, you know, being in a relationship. But it turns out. No, not so much.

That you're able to admit that early when we started working together.

Yeah, at this point, I'm able to admit that. So I think it's definitely been a journey to, you know, once you kind of come and see, like, oh, my gosh, there's a lot of things that are to be worked on, and it's not overwhelming. It doesn't have to be overwhelming. Just take it piece by piece. And as a result, I've met some amazing people, amazing guys, and been able to navigate it with, I think, at this point, peace. A lot of peace. A lot of peace. Like, even just today. Okay, so I went to get my hair done, and I'm walking in, and, you know, my hair is, like, all over the place, and I've got a lot of. I have braids showing. Right. So I got to get it all colored and all that good stuff. And I'm walking in, and, you know, I put on a little bit of weight, but I looked at myself, and I was like, oh, my gosh, I'm so cute. Like, even the way I look at myself and the way I affirm myself, even through the changes, like, clearly.

I need to work out a little bit more, but it doesn't even matter. I.