Abundance vs Scarcity Love Mindset

Hey, girl. Welcome to the get yout Guy coaching podcast. My name is Anwar White, but you can just call me your own personal dating and relationship coach. Each week you'll hear actionable advice, tips and strategies that you can implement in your own love life. I'm talking about healing your heart, dating effectively, and understanding men so that you can, you guessed it, get your guy. Are you ready to level up your love life? All right, let's go.

Hello, everyone, and thank you so much for joining me today. Today I wanted to talk about love abundance versus love scarcity. Now, the reason why I wanted to talk about this is because most of my clients and potential clients have this issue. It's actually a major issue that is hindering them finding the love that they really want and getting their guy. The other reason why I am talking about this is because oftentimes a lot of people don't understand that they even have it. So we first have to acknowledge the problem before we can solve it. And this is, I'm hoping, a first step for so many of you out there to really solve this problem of love scarcity that you may be having. Based on my experience with some of my clients and some of the women that I talk to every day that come into my DMs and message me on social media or randomly send me a message on my website is that they have been so focused on school, college, their career that they haven't actually taken the time to really prioritize their love life for a variety of different reasons, right? Whether they're avoiding it, whether they don't have a lot of confidence in that area of their life. If they don't have a lot of competence in that area of their life, regardless why they don't have experience in this love game, it's important to understand that that lack of experience is actually creating more of a scarcity mindset when it comes to love. And I'll explain that a little bit later. So if you spend any time in the self help space, which I'm assuming that you do, if you're listening to this podcast, you're probably familiar with the term abundance. And I don't know about you super spiritual folks out there or how you define it, but here's how I think about it. When you're feeling abundant, you recognize that you're the catch. And whatever happens in your love life is on your terms. When you're feeling abundant, you never have to worry about whether he's gonna like you or whether he'll leave you or whether you're good enough because you know that you are. When you're feeling abundant, you'd never consider wasting your time on some guy that really doesn't fully appreciate you. You'll kick him to the curb and you won't even think twice about it. Abundance means that there is only one of you and millions upon millions of men out there. So you don't get caught up or too hung up on any individual guy until he demonstrates that he's worthy of you and your time.

Now, don't get me wrong, girl. I know that that's super easy to say, but not super easy to do. And if you're like most of my clients, you're listening to me right now for a specific reason. Maybe it's because you wanted to get your ex back. Or maybe it's because your current guy only texts and rarely schedules dates or rarely texts you in general. Maybe it's because you're sleeping with a guy and this guy doesn't want to commit at all and you know it deep down inside. Or maybe you've been dating a guy for three, four, five years and there's no marriage in sight and you're just frustrated. And despite all of the signs from the universe, from God, from your friends, from your family, you still want to make him love you. Why? He's not treating you very well. He's not making you particularly happy or a priority. He's not helping you feel safe or heard or understood, but you're still obsessed with him. This means that you've given him the power over your happiness. Love scarcity is all about fear. You're afraid that you don't want to start over. Totally get it. You're afraid of being alone. Totally get it. You're thinking that you can't do better than this guy. Totally get it. And that you have to accept a relationship that doesn't make you happy. I totally get it. I get it. But I also want more for you. That sort of thinking is the exact opposite of love abundance. Love scarcity is all about treating one undeserving dude as if he's the last man on this earth. All because you're afraid that you can't do better. I promise you, girl, you can. I've recently read why Having so Little Means so Much. This book is actually about money, but I think that it doubles as a really good book to understand the feeling of love scarcity as well. The authors write the feeling of scarcity puts people in a kind of cognitive tunnel, limiting what they are able to see. It depletes their self control. It makes them more impulsive and sometimes a bit dumb. What we often consider a part of people's basic character, an inability to learn, propensity to anger or impatience, may well be a product of their feeling of scarcity. If any of us were similarly situated, we might end up with a character a lot like theirs. An insidious problem is that scarcity produces more scarcity. It creates its own trap. For example, because they lack money, poor people must focus intensely on the economic consequences of expenditures that wealthy people consider trivial and not worth worrying over. Those without a lot of time have to hoard their minutes, and they may have trouble planning for the long term. The cash poor and the time poor have much in common with lonely people for whom relationships with others are scarce. When people struggle with scarcity, their minds are intensely occupied, even taken over by what they lack. In plain English. If you are holding down two minimum wage jobs, can barely make ends meet, have no time to relax, have few loved ones, and don't know many positive role models, you will be inherently limited in what you think is possible.

Now, I read all of that because I think all of it is so important. It's written that the feeling of scarcity puts you in a kind of cognitive tunnel, limiting what you are able to see. And this is why I remind my clients, right, that love is not only possible, but it's inevitable. You are going to find your person. It's just a matter of time. Whether it's two months from now, two years from now, 20 years from now, you'll find the person. It's said in this book that what we often consider a part of our basic character, an inability to learn, a propensity to anger or impatience, may well be a product of your feeling of scarcity, which is why you can't carry your anger, frustration and mistakes with you. That means, girl, you have to leave your past behind and give each new man the benefit of the doubt. Because your new man, your present man is not your old man, your new man and your present man is not your father. Right? The author said, the insidious problem is that scarcity produces more scarcity. It creates its own trap. And that's why I used every metaphor and tool to get your mindset to shift. If all of your friends hate online dating, if they're in miserable relationships and have given up on men, it's going to be hard for you to feel abundant about love.

Because you lack positive experience. You must focus intensely on the dating process that married people actually don't have to think about. Which is why it's exceptionally important to surround yourself with people in happy relationships. You know, people who believe in lasting love, people who are open to change, and yes, other optimistic, supportive single women on the same path. That's one of the amazing things that I think is important in my get yout Guy program. Being supported by a variety of women from different backgrounds, all focused on the same goal and supporting each other throughout that goal.

Here's the thing. Someone who has been married for like 25 years may be sympathetic to your struggle, but she definitely doesn't necessarily get it. She doesn't understand the apps, she doesn't understand how dating is right now, but you need more tangible support. And that's what I try to do in my program. When you struggle with scarcity, your mind is intensely occupied, even taken over, by what you lack. Which is why it's possible to be too obsessed with falling in love, too obsessed with finding Mr. Right, and too obsessed with choosing the perfect guy. Now, I'm betting that most of your time isn't spent on the active pursuit of love, but rather beating yourself up for what you think is wrong with you. Whether it's your flirting ability or your judgment or past judgment with guys or the way that you communicate, or maybe you feel like you're too sensitive. That's the issue with scarcity mindset. It isn't simply that it's bad just for you. The real issue is that it's built on these really flawed beliefs. In other words, scarcity just isn't true. My entire program and what you will hear in this podcast is all about how you have complete control over your love life and how you can create new opportunities with men. Getting out of these limiting beliefs is all about changing your mindset. Once you can do that, then you can take action and get different results. Girl, you can totally do this. Okay, so let's break it down. What's the T? The T is that if you're single, you probably have some sort of dating or love scarcity mindset. And if you haven't dated in a while, or if you're still stuck on your ex who probably treated you not so well. And if you've had some not so great past relationships, then you're probably living and dating in love scarcity. But that's just a symptom. The real problem is self doubt and feeling like you're not something enough. You're not tall enough, not hot enough, not rich enough, not cool enough, not white enough, not something enough. And it goes deeper than that. And here's where the fear comes in. If you feel like you're not something enough for men, then that means that you also feel that you don't deserve to receive the intimate romantic love from a wonderful man. And that's when we go into self sabotage mode. I like to think of romantic love like oxygen for the soul and if you don't have it, then you're love dying. That's when we end up settling for loneliness and depression and frustration and low quality men that you really don't want to be with or men that just are not ready for relationships. And that's the real source of the sadness and the anxiety when it comes to your love life. But the scarcity mindset is the core of it. I want to say something before we get off of this podcast, which is girl, you are enough. In my program, I show my clients to find that worth within themselves and to realize that there are millions of guys checking for them and wanting them. I show women how to date effectively so that they realize that there is no scarcity in this love game and that it was all made up. I want you to date with pure abundance and you can do that. Okay girl, you can do this. Sending you love.

Hey girl, thank you so much for listening to the get yout Guy coaching podcast. If you like this episode and want to talk with me personally, please book a free consultation at www.getyourguycoaching.com. apply or subscribe and leave me a review. Wherever you listen to your podcasts, talk.