Acceptance Rashida Bonds

Hello, my loves out there. I hope you are doing well. I want to welcome you to the get yout Guy coaching podcast. I'm so happy that you decided to join us today. And I have an amazing, amazing, amazing guest with me today who I just love so much and she really touches my heart. I have Rashida Bonds here and she is a life coach for. Well, I'm not going to actually, like, describe everything that you do because I think that you are the best person to do it. So why don't you tell everybody exactly your magic?

Ok. So, yeah, my name is Rasheeda Bonds. I am a certified life and family coach and I really work specifically with the families of LGBTQ youth trying to help create accepting households so that we can have beautiful, loving, happy families all over this world.

Yeah. Yeah. So I know people out there are like, well, why is she on this podcast? I don't understand. I don't get it. You know, one of the things that I know in doing this work so much is that one of the major things that's important if you're going to be successful in this love game is that you have to learn to accept yourself and accept others. And Rashida is literally the acceptance coach that I know, the best one that I know when it comes to really learning how to be accepting. So I thought she would be the perfect guest for us to talk about all of these accepting things and why it's hard for us and what to do and what that next step will be to get you on the road to accepting yourself. Because I know that when you accept yourself, you can accept others. And when you can accept others, you can create connection and partnership. So I'm just so happy that you're here, girl.

So I'm so excited to be here. Thank you. Yeah.

Why, why, why is acceptance important to you?

Oh, man. It's almost like the keystone of getting around on this planet, really. Because especially self acceptance. Not even. I'm not at all talking about the acceptance of others, but self acceptance allows you to one, live freely. Which I think that that sometimes seems like an obscure out of space, outer space kind of concept, to live freely. Because we all find the things. If the thing isn't imposed upon us, we find the thing that sort of oppresses us from living authentically. Right? But if we are living in acceptance of ourselves, then we are truly being venturing into what it is to live free from the constraints of others. Acceptance. Right? And then also we feel free enough to take up space. We feel free enough to say the Things that are on our. That's on our hearts, that we can contribute to society. There are things that sometimes we keep inside of ourselves for lack of acceptance that the world may need to hear. Right. And so if we can gain an acceptance of ourselves, then we can make the world around us better. Yeah.

And I. I think the majority of my listeners are women of color, and I feel like this really plagues a lot of women of color specifically. So can you speak to us just generally, I guess, about your own experience as a black woman and your journey to really kind of accepting your full self?

Yes, absolutely. So I started out with full acceptance of Rasheeda when I was a child.

And I just wanna let my listeners know, for those that are not watching on YouTube, we have amazing dreads, some of them purple, some of them brown. We're living our best life over here with Rashida Bonds. Go, girl. Yeah.

So I started off life like, rasheeda's the bomb. Get ready, everybody. I'm here. And so much so. And my parents were on board. They were like, yeah, girl, we believe that. And so I was a performer. I had an agent by the age of five. I was going to New York for auditions. I was doing commercials locally. I was performing on stage. Stage?

Girl, you were the black Britney Spears. Girl.

I was.

I was like. I was chasing Tip. Is Bledsoe. Like, Vanessa from the Cosby Show. I was chasing her, like, oh, we about to do this, Tip. This is about to be me and you. Even though I was only a year older than Rudy, but I was out there and I would audition and if I didn't book gigs, I never felt bad about myself. I. I truly always felt bad for the people who didn't cast me.

Yeah.

Like, I'm really sorry that you all didn't cast me. Your production just is not going to be as good as it would if I was there, you know, And I rocked with that for a really long time. It wasn't really until.

Late elementary school, early middle school, that that started to.

Change, which it changes for most girls, right?

Yep.

It's, like, so funny, they say, like, literally the age of seven is that age where it, like, flips, where it's like, you're amazing, like, you know, Wonder Woman before then. And then for some reason, between 7 and 13, some crazy things changed. So what changed for you?

So I. I was raised to believe that adults were right all the time. And so there were many adults in my life who did not have the tools that they needed to feel okay about themselves. And so they projected their.

Self consciousness onto me and they wanted me to know that I wasn't as special as I thought I was. They would say things like, you think you're cute, but you're not as cute as you think you are, or.

I wouldn't get. After getting cast in a national commercial, they would cast me in super small non vocal roles to take me down a peg because I thought I was better than everyone else. And that was never the case, but it was how they felt. And if an adult said it for me, then it must be true, right? And then I go to middle school and just children are awkward and everything is wrong.

And also children are mean.

Mean, Just mean. And I've always been a thick chick.

And yes, for the thickums.

Thickums. And it was not until I got, you know, probably into my 30s, late 30s, that I was cool with that. And so all of that happened. High school happened. And it's really weird because that's my experience, but one of my fellow coaches and friends went to high school with me and she was like, oh, everyone wanted to be your friend. You were so popular. You were so this. I was like me. And it's so weird because you, your self perception is just different than how people see you, which is why you shouldn't hold on to what people think about you. But so, yeah. And so I went through my awkward twenties trying to figure out who I was and why. And then it just came a point where I was like, I was still single. And I was like, there's no one out here who's going to be able to love me like me. I am the only one who's with me 24 hours a day, seven days a week. I have to enjoy my own company before I start getting company of someone else. And so I dated myself.

And what does that look like? What does that look like?

Well, I worked. I've always worked at nonprofits, so I've never bawled. But I would get box pizza, like frozen pizza and a cheap bottle of wine. And I will go to Blockbuster. Cause this is how long.

Yes, Blockbuster. Every Friday. Yes.

And I would get a cheesy romantic comedy and I would eat my box pizza and drink my wine and have a good old time. And I actually went to the movie theater sometimes I would go to restaurants, I would go to. I love music. So I would go to music stores. I would go to the theater. I have a lot of friends who do shows, so I would, I would just do stuff by myself.

And what did those things give to you. Right. Because we do things all the time. Right. By ourselves. So what was it about the intentionality, I think, of those specific things that you're talking about that helped to, I guess, flip the switch or get you on the journey to this self acceptance.

Yes. So I will also say that I went in very consciously knowing that when my mom and my dad divorced, my mom struggled to figure out who she was outside of that marriage. And so I knew that if I were to ever get married, I never wanted my identity to lie in another person. So I wanted to figure out the stuff that I truly liked and what I truly didn't like. That way I could vocalize that easier. Figuring out ways. Is this a boundary? Is this a deal breaker for me? Is this a boundary for me? Is this a thing that I love and I want more of this in my life and, like, just really figuring out what I liked, what I didn't like, what fed me and filled me and what deplenished me and took my energy so that I could regulate those things without the distraction of another person around.

And I think just understanding those things can give you a level of confidence that you didn't have before. Just the clarity in and of itself, right?

Yes.

And with that confidence comes the acceptance.

Absolutely. Absolutely. And so it became a whole lot less about what other people said and a whole lot more about.

I don't care, because I actually know what it is because I'm here 24 7. And so your perception.

It really, truly belongs to you. And it took me that journey to do that. And so once I turned 40, I remember thinking, oh, no one can tell me anything about me. No one can tell me about me. They can give suggestions and they can share what their observations are, but no one can tell me about myself.

And that's a really important point that I think that people kind of intellectually get, but don't emotionally get that, like, literally, you know yourself the best. And like, if we're being 100% real.

And honest.

No one really knows you.

No one knows you. They know what you present to them.

Absolutely.

But oftentimes we don't present 100% of who we truly are. So whatever they're judging, they're judging what you're presenting and not necessarily who you are.

Even my mama.

That's right.

I lived in her body. We shared a body for nine months. She is probably, outside of my husband, the closest person to me. And she still has to work on her perceptions of what I'm giving her because she does it. And I am a whole developed adult, and when I was a kid, she may have known things about me that I didn't know because, you know, I'm a kid figuring out the world, but today, even my mama can't tell me about me.

Right. I know. Well, that's so funny because.

You know, when I talk to a lot of my clients.

Some of them aren't able to say that. Right. That they are valuing the opinions of their parents so much that it's. We're always trying to get their approval. Right. I guess maybe it starts in school when we got the A and we got attention and we got validation, and then it went to college and then the good job, and then it's like this constant journey of doing. Yeah.

Especially. Especially since my daughter is so young. She's. She's just five. It literally starts at birth. It starts with the hi. Because if children don't get that, that messes up their development. Right. It gives them some arrested development. And then when you're walking in the good job and the. Oh, you did this thing. Oh, you're talking. Oh, it's constantly that. And, oh, that thing you said is funny. Oh, that got a reaction. Let me do that again. You know that it is constant looking to your parents for safety and for acceptance from moment one. And so the hardest thing is to break away from that and to say.

For better or for worse. When my parents got divorced.

It was hard, but it also stopped them from being these people on this, like, maybe unfair pedestal.

Yeah. Which we all do for our parents. Right? Yeah.

And then they just became people. My father just became a man and my mom just became a woman.

Yeah.

And I think that's the fairest thing that I could have done for them, was let them be a man in this world and a woman in this world.

It's not like you humanize them instead of, like, putting them into some sort of royal monarchy girl.

Yeah. That they didn't ask for. They didn't ask for that. And it just. It just is. It comes with parenting. But. Yeah. When. Once they became human to me, I was able to have a lot more grace.

Yeah.

And also their opinion of me didn't matter as much because they were just this dude and this chick. Like, it happened to me about who I love dearly, who I love so much, but they are flawed people just like me. And so their opinion. But that's a hard place to go. And I had to go through some really hard stuff to get to that, to allow them to be human. So That's a hard journey for people to get to.

Yeah. So I'm hearing that we humanize our parents to help, to relinquish that hold that connection or that hold that we have to want to please them, to always have acceptance from them. Are there any other kind of ideas that you have that might be able to help us.

I guess, prioritize the acceptance in ourselves versus our parents?

Yes. So I think the idea that people's opinions are fleeting. And my grandmother always used to say, my mom used to say too, the only person you can control is yourself.

Right.

I come from a huge family. My mom is one of 15 kids, and there are 40 some grandkids. And that's just a lot of people. And we were all in the same town, the same city for a very long time. That's a whole lot of people.

To be around each other. And so, you know, there's conflict. Obviously it's family. But that's where I learned I didn't have to be liked by everybody. Because it would be a day that someone or someone's. Several people would be happy with me, and then another day they wouldn't.

Right.

And if I put my value into those opinions, I would be all over the place. I will be like, okay, today I'm valuable. People are smiling at me, people are clapping for me. And okay, today I am worthless and unvaluable. Because, I mean, and you go through that because mostly, especially when you're a child and when you grow up and you're still seeing that and validation feels good. I mean, I'm a performer. I love when people clap for me. You know what I'm saying?

Yeah.

But I have to also understand that at any point, the applause will stop, people will go home, and I still have to be here with me. And so people's opinions are fleeting. They're gonna come and they're gonna go. But if you are rooted in your own self acceptance, then those tides aren't going to sway you as much.

I'm so glad that you mentioned this because I think it's an important point to make that. And this goes to acceptance. Right. Accepting their opinion as their opinion as their thing. Right. And accepting my opinion about me as my thing and prioritizing that. Right. They can feel however they want to feel, and that's good. And we accept that. Right. Their opinion is not for us to be annoyed by. Disappointed. I mean, if you feel those feels, that's great. But that's our job, is just to accept that. Right. That's them that's where they're at. That's their journey. And I accept how they're feeling about a certain situation, understanding that I'm not in control and I don't have any sort of power to try to control someone else.

Yes. I want to learn this phrase. Does this belong to me? Does this belong to me? Nope, this isn't mine. I'm going to go ahead and let you have that. That is yours. I'm going to let you have that. And that includes their opinion or whatever of me. That doesn't belong to me.

Yeah. Yeah. Why do you think people have such issues with accepting themselves?

Because it's hard work. And it's hard work because.

We measure ourselves with unrealistic measuring tools. Right. Society.

Media, television, magazines, what our perceptions of. Like, I was saying about in high school when people were like, oh, you were popular. How did you die? And I was like, you thought that about me? Like, what we think people's lives are like Instagram, like, what it looks like other things are. And then we're living in our reality. We just. The common way to feel is that we're not enough and that we're not where everyone else seems to be. Right. And so it's hard work to one, know that you have things about you that you want to fix but be okay with it. Like, this is. Even though I want to change this or improve this or be better at this or whatever, this right here is a part of who I am right now, and that's okay. That's a hard thing to say with any sort of sincerity.

Yeah.

You know, and it's. It's a lot of self work, and sometimes doing self work feels selfish.

Yeah.

And I know, especially as black women, we are taught that that is the opposite of humility. And it is.

And humanity, where you're just supposed to give, give, give, give, give to everybody.

Yes. Yes. We're not allowed to think about ourselves. We're not allowed to.

Feel good about ourselves. Like, how dare you.

Yeah.

Feel good about yourself and feel happy and comfy in your skin. Like, how dare you do that? And so the act of doing that is literally an act of resistance. The act of loving and accepting and putting in the work because the work is hard, and that journey is hard. But doing that is an act of resistance because people are like, why are you doing that?

Yeah. You know what I think? I don't think it is hard. I think that we're not taught how to do it.

Boom.

Right. If we were taught. If this was taught in School, if our parents were able to teach us, and there are some parents out there that actually do teach their children how to accept themselves. You know those kids in school that, like, people are trying to. Are talking about them and it just like water off a duck's back. And you're like, yes, this person is not fazed by anything.

Right, Right.

They were brought up in a way where they fully accept themselves, just like how you were. Right. And so I think that as a whole, we aren't necessarily taught that this is how you do it. Right, right. You should be talking, you should be having affirmations. Right. You should be having to be able to express yourself in a way where you feel comfortable. Because if other people can hear, hear you, listen to you, understand you. Right. Make you feel safe and secure, that's going to help you feel accepted. Right. As a young person that's developing, and then with that foundation, you can go off and do all of the amazing things that you're supposed to do as a young adult and adult. Yeah.

Yes. I 100% agree with that. It's what you're taught. It's how you're taught to feel comfortable. Even now, my parents made me feel good about me, but even now I'm sort of expanding on that. And because I was also taught, you know, a child, you know, you watch when you talk, I wasn't exactly seen, not heard. My. My mother let me talk. But when other adults weren't around, like, she was like, okay, now tell me how you feel. You know what I mean? And so I'm like, adding on to that a little bit where, you know, if it is an adult conversation, we're talking about adult things. My daughter isn't involved, but if. But if it is something that involves her, we ask her opinion and she loves it. She'll, like, get in a pose and like, well, let me see. But giving her that opportunity to take up space and to know that her opinion matters, she's going to expect that in the world, and I want her to expect that.

But if you don't have the tools to give it, like if your parents didn't have the tools to get it, give it to you, then it's your responsibility as an adult to learn that thing. Like, if you didn't learn. Learning Spanish is hard as an adult, because just learning any other language is hard sometimes. But it is your job as an adult to get that skill. You know, you can't be taught Spanish if it wasn't happening in your house. But now you have to Go learn it.

Right.

And that self explained acceptance too.

Yeah. And it's interesting, right? We talk about like how we're raised.

As children, right. We take everything personally. It's anything that happens, it's because of us. Right. That's just how the child ego is. And so anything that isn't making me number one, a priority, I have all of the attention as a child, I'm always going to feel not accepted.

Right.

So this is why for the listeners out there, when you're thinking about, you're, you know, you're, let's say maybe you have walls up or you find yourself always judging other people and you're trying to figure out, well, why is that? Right. I want you to think about those times in your childhood where you felt like you were not accepted, when you were not a priority, when you did not get the attention. Right. You didn't get the nurturing, you didn't get the unconditional love. Because that's where this is coming from, right? Yeah, yeah, right.

And you don't know what else to do. Like you don't have that other tool. You don't know what you're actually supposed to be doing in that situation because that's what you were taught.

Yeah. So you were talking about like as adults we have to learn the Spanish, we have to learn the acceptance, right?

Yeah.

We talked about, I guess humanizing parents, but also I guess that could be translated into humanizing other people and letting them kind of be on their journey.

What other things can we do to help to work that acceptance muscle?

Well, I really loved the whole process of taking yourself out on the date. I tell everyone that. But then also I'm really big about affirmations. And I saw actress and comedian Amanda Seals. She has like little notes all over post it notes all over her house of just stuff. And I just thought that was such a great idea. So I have some like all over my room and my bathroom, just places where I spend time when I'm getting ready, you know what I mean? On my computer I have like, you are dope, you are fly, you are funny, you are smart. Like all of those things all around.

And I'm even teaching my daughter we have affirmations every morning. But I'm saying them with her. So those are things that I'm also, as she's saying them, I'm taking them on myself too. You know what I'm saying? I think affirmations are so.

Great and they feel really weird at first because you're like, I'm Saying these things, you know, but.

It'S such a good practice.

And I just want to say I totally agree with you. And I think sometimes people will, like, look at it and read it in their head. You have to read it out loud. You have to verbalize it. People need to. You need to hear your own voice say it for it to become even more real. Right. So when you have these, don't read them in your head, girl. Like, say them out loud.

Say them out loud. And look at yourself. Like, find a mirror.

Yes. Mirror work.

Yes. And say these things to yourself in your own face. You know, Say them to yourself. I saw something. And I'm not anywhere near scientists. I'm a performer. But I saw, I heard something where. Where if you say I love you to yourself.

Yes.

It, like, changes stuff molecularly, you know what I'm saying? Like, in your DNA. And if you just stand in front of a mirror and say I love you, those first few I love you's are strange and hard.

They can be, you know, you can start crying. Like, it's just really a really amazing experience. But I recommend it to all.

Yes. So everyone out there, for two minutes a day, get in front of the mirror, put some.

Very low music in the background. Anything that's going to get you centered, and just start telling yourself that you love yourself. I love you. I love you. I love you, I love you.

And email me at anwaratyourguycoaching.com and let me know how that has been been for you for a week. Right? Just for a week. Right. So 2 times 7, 14 minutes of just saying I love you for a week, y' all can do it. So don't talk to me. You don't have time. You can do it. And let me know at the end of the week how things have changed for you, how you are feeling. Because ultimately we are here to make sure that you are accepting yourself, not just so that you can get a guy, because that's cherry on top and you can always get a guy. I don't really care about that too much, but because I want you navigating this world completely differently as a whole new woman. Right. And I know that this is such an important part of doing that. So, Rashida, thank you so much for bringing this up because I know exactly what you're talking about. And it's such a powerful example. And it's something I used to do as, like, in my younger 20s when I was, like, going out a lot and needed to pet myself up. Like, that's something that I would do and my friends would be like, girl, what are you doing? I'd be like, girl, I'm healing myself. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's so important. And so I read an article once where Jill Scott said, make them smell you. And what that was is that, you know, when you're not feeling your yourself, that puts out. You put that out, that energy out. There's a smell even that comes out. And it repels people, friends, romantic partners, whatever. It can repel it. But if you are working on yourself. And that's actually where I got the idea to start dating myself and stuff. She was like, you know, I started going on days with myself. I got cast in rent. I was doing all this stuff. I was making my own money. I was feeling myself. And I put out a smell because I wasn't looking for anyone, but because I was feeling myself and I just was. Was happy in my own skin. I gave off a smell. And she was like, girl, make them smell you.

Yes, girl, make them smell you. And just to relate that to dating, right. When you got your own stuff going on and you're into yourself, one, you. You teach people how to treat you right. Because you're treating yourself so well.

Yeah.

That they're like, oh, okay, this is how I treat this person. Oh, I don't waste their time. One, two. What you also do when you are kind of really focused on yourself and getting your life together and just into the things that you love, just yourself and the things that you do, you also signal to men that you're not going to be naggy, that you're not going to be clingy, that like, you have your own life and that's hot. Right. A man doesn't want to feel like you're like, you know, he's your whole life, he's everything. Right. Because that's a lot of pressure. Right. And especially if you're just getting to know someone, it can be a turn off. And that's. That's not hot because it means you don't got a lot going on with your own self. So that to your point, Rashid, I'm so happy that you brought this up because.

Let him like, make him smell you. Right? Make him smell how much you love yourself and your acceptance.

I love that. Mm, very good.

Very good. Okay, so we've talked a lot about kind of acceptance.

Talk to me about kind of how we should be thinking about this moving forward. Right. I mean, I feel like life is. Okay, let me scratch that. I'm trying to figure out another question.

So I want to talk a little bit about more about the work that you do, specifically, because I feel like it is, like, really important work. So can you talk in a little bit more detail in terms of how you work with parents who have kids that are lgbtq?

What do you help them learn or teach to be able to accept their children fully and authentically?

You know what.

I was thinking about this, and what I really do is I teach them how to accept themselves in order to be able to just.

Like what we've been talking about.

Just what we've been talking about. Because relationship is relationship. You know what I mean? And whether it's a relationship with yourself, your own parents, or your children, it's a relationship. Right. And if you are sitting comfortably inside of yourself, you literally have a harder time sitting uncomfortably with other people living their lives. Do you know what I mean?

Yeah.

And so most of the issues that my parents have are issues about how are people going to. What are people going to think about me?

Yeah.

Are they going to think that I'm a bad parent? Are they going to think that I did this to them? Like. Like that is possible, but are they going to think that I am whatever. And so more than. More than often than not, I'm talking. I'm not even talking about their kid. You know, I'm talking to them about them. I'm talking to them about how not to put stock in how the world sees them and how them loving their child for who they are is one teaching them, teaching their child how to do that, how to love themselves for who that. Who they are, but then also how to go out into the world. Like, there's so much teaching. When you do the thing for yourself that you're doing, you're actually teaching your child. So I do. I end up flipping it around and teaching self acceptance for the parents. And then you're also. I'm also teaching them that if you accept your child, when you go into these spaces, maybe with your family, maybe with people at your church, whomever, that you're worried about judging you, when you go into these spaces and you love on your baby as hard as you can, you are teaching all of the people around you how to love your baby.

Yeah.

Because your baby is still your baby. And that is the role of the parent, is to show other adults how to do this. And if you can't, it is also my job as the adult to protect this child. So now you no longer have access to them because they need to always Know how special and magical and wonderful they are and how needed they are on this planet. And so you can get on board or I'm going to have to remove them from your life. And most of the time, especially when it comes to grandparents and all that kind of stuff, they don't want the child removed. So they learn how to love, too. And so it's a whole bunch of self learning, unlearning bad stuff that we learned when we were children and learning that we're okay and that if we're okay with ourselves, it doesn't matter if the world is okay with us.

Yeah, I love that. And that's. It's really similar to what I do as well.

Right.

I work with smart and successful women and oftentimes when they're dating, they're trying to find their clone. Right. It has to be someone that is exactly like them because they've worked their entire lives, they've gotten the best educations, they have the best jobs, and so they are also in their head about this person has to look at least like me, be like me, have a similar resume as me, or people are going to think badly about me.

Yes.

Right. And I've been spending my entire life creating this reputation for myself, and I want to make sure that my partner actually helps to reflect it or elevate it versus just accepting who that person is and enjoying how they make you feel. Right. Because what I've learned, and you've probably seen this in your work as well, is that if you are truly happy, the people around you are going to notice that, observe that, and be happy that you have found someone to actually, like, bring ultimate joy in your life. Right?

Absolutely.

That is going to love you. Doesn't matter what they look like.

What school they went to. If this person is making you the best person that you can be and completely loved and whole and full and just, you know, safe and understood and heard, everyone else is going to get on board. So. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. And it sounds like that's the same for your work as well.

It's the same. It's relationship. Right? It's relationship. And it's the most important. And it sounds so cheesy and, like, corny or whatever, but the most important relationship you have is with yourself. Because all of the other ones fall in line. Yeah, yeah, they fall in line after that.

Well, Rashida, I just want to, as someone who is lgbtq, I want to thank you for the work that you do because it's so important.

And.

It is. It's life. Changing. And I don't know if you hear this a lot, but it's so important.

And I don't know where I would be if my mother didn't accept me and protected me and advocated for me. People. Okay, this podcast is not about me, but I want to share that I navigate this world very differently than a lot of other LGBTQ individuals out there. And people would look at me and they would try to figure out, why are you so confident? Why do you love yourself? Why do you accept yourself?

And it was my mom. Yeah.

Yes.

That's it.

Yes. And thank God for.

Want to thank you because you're spreading that. Yeah.

And thank God for your mom, because if she weren't that, then you wouldn't be giving the world all of the things that you're giving the world. And we need that. We need what you got. We need your special sauce. We need all of that. And. And that's why the work is so important, because these babies are magical, and they need to be on this planet, period.

Yes, yes, yes, yes.

So it is my honor. It is my honor to do this work.

It is amazing. And I just want to acknowledge that, because I don't know if it gets acknowledged as much as it should, but I think that it should. Okay, enough, enough, Enough of my feels in this podcast. Lord knows that that. That was not the intention here. So, girl, stepping back a second, talk to me about how you got your guy.

Okay, so I will say this. I really believe that I was just giving off the smell because I really met him right at the peak of my.

Journey to self, and I was feeling myself. I had. I worked at the Children's Museum of Indianapolis, which is the largest children's museum of the world and the best children's museum in the world. And I was an actor full time, which is not a thing in Indianapolis, Indiana, unless you're working at the Children's Museum. And we had a bunch of actors who were hired on and a friend of mine who had moved up to management. He was like, rasheeda, I think we just hired your husband. I was like, no, that's crazy. He was like, he's an actor, He's a musician, and he's straight. And I was like, what?

What now?

And so. And he was like, he's just physically your type also, which is really. Like, he has all the things. I was like, that is strange. Okay. So the day I met him, I was like, oh, no. I literally said that outside of my mouth. I was like, this is going to be terrible. I'm just really starting to enjoy this time by myself and this boy coming up in here. And so we worked together as actors, and we were friends for six months. We wrote poetry. I listened to his music. He watched me perform. We were friends. We were homies. I gave him girlfriend advice like, he was Davey's girl, like. And I was like, ooh. Like, I would. Or I would, like, be nice to her. Like, I gave him advice, and then.

It just switched. Girl.

What happened, girl? How did it switch, girl? I need to know. From giving him advice and playing sister to playing girlfriend.

I think part of it was I did his hair. So I would twist his hair.

Very intimate, Very intimate, Very intimate.

And then also, my best friend and I, when we leave each other, we kiss. Like, it's not at all romantic, but we're like, bye, come on. I kiss my parents. Like, it's. You know. And so we were very friendly. And I was. He was getting out of the car. I was driving him off at home, and I said, okay, bye. I gave him my kiss, and he was like, oh. And I said, no, that was an accident. He said, yeah, right. And then got out of the car.

And we have not stopped kissing.

I love it. I love it. And so at what age did you meet him?

I was 26, 7. 28, and he was 23.

Okay, got it.

So I robbed that cradle, kind of.

Not really. I mean, I tell my clients, minus 5 plus 10. In that range, it probably. You're probably in a similar. In a similar way of life, so it makes a lot of sense. So. Okay, Sounds like you're in the range, girl.

Good.

Either way, range or not, it worked out.

It sure did. It absolutely did. And he was a. He was young, and so he was still doing goofy stuff when we first started dating. But again, I was so good with myself that I was like, you are literally a bonus in my life. You can be here or you cannot. And he really heard me, and I told him. I asked him one time. I was like, why do you love me? And he was like, well, that time he says, because I can handle your type of crazy. Which I thought was really sweet. But then also he said, I always knew that you were it because you're not about the bullshit. And I was like, I'm not. I'm not about the bullshit. He was like, I know whatever you say out of your mouth is true because you don't have time for the bullshit.

And I was like, you're a woman of integrity.

Yeah, I am. I'm real about my boundaries. I stay true to my boundaries. I love hard, but I also am not cool with you. I will have a combo with you if those boundaries are crossed. So that self work that I did.

It was very attractive to this guy.

I think that you are so right. If you're doing the work, you are attracting some of the love that you want and that you need. And a lot of my clients, I think, are also receiving that when they work with me because they're leveling up, you know, each month that we're working together. And by month two, by month three, by month four, they've gotten their guy. Right?

Yes.

So it's so, like, you're so on point with what you said. So if anyone, you know, any of the listeners out there, they want to learn about accepting themselves, even if they're not a parent of a LGBTQ child and they want to work with you, how can they get in touch with you?

They can get in touch with me on Facebook. They can just look me up. Rashida Bonds. And my email address is rashidaiberationlifecoach.com and they can go to my website, liberationlifecoach.

Amazing. Rashida, thank you so much for being here. This was.

Thank you for having me.

Such a pleasure.

So fun.

Yes. You know, anytime we. It sounds. I know that we love the work that we do, and so anytime that we can come together and just speak on, it is always going to be so much fun and as you say, magical.

Yes, I love magical.

Awesome. All right, thank you so much.

Thank you. Okay, bye.

Bye.