A single-speaker YouTube monologue (Anwar White) addressing whether coffee dates are "low effort." The speaker argues coffee dates are not inherently low-effort because they allow a person to evaluate another before investing financially or emotionally, notes that wealthy men may prefer coffee-first approaches, advises against coffee for a second date, and frames reactions to coffee dates as influenced by personal "money" or "neglect" wounds. The video specifically addresses concerns common to Black women about assessing men's financial standing based on date type.
Chapters
Someone said, don't you think copy dates are low effort? No, I don't. I don't think that they're low effort because they're getting to know you.
They shouldn't invest in you until they know you.
Let's flip that on the reverse. If every time a guy was going to take any woman out that he's dating and he's putting out all the stops and taking you to the best restaurant, every woman that he dates once a week.
Realize you are not special. And if he's taking you out, he's taking everybody out. You want somebody that is evaluating you and doing his due diligence with you to figure out if you are worthy of investment or not. If he's investing in everything, that's how he's treating his money, that's how he's treating his energy, all of that, he's just giving it away.
That is not what you want when somebody is going to potentially be a leader in your home.
I need us to understand this, especially if you are a black woman. What I think is important and I understand why you would think that coffee dates are not are low effort. Because oftentimes so many guys that you have interacted with have been PO and so you are trying to evaluate their financial standing based on the kind of date that they are going to give you.
Just because he gives you a coffee date doesn't mean that he's po. Actually, the richest guys will go on coffee dates first.
You want to see how he invests in you after that date.
I would never do a coffee date for the second date.
Okay.
So if you have a money wound, you probably are going to have an issue with a coffee date. If you have a neglect wound, you are probably going to have an issue with a coffee date.
Okay? Someone said, what if you don't drink coffee? Get tea, girl. Girl, get a smoothie, get a juice.
Okay. I hope this is helpful for you. I hope that we've learned some things.
