Are you Ready to Get Your Guy? - Get Your Guy Podcast S1 E5

Hey girl. Welcome to the get yout Guy coaching podcast. My name is Anwar White, but you can just call me your own personal dating and relationship coach. Each week you'll hear actionable advice, tips and strategies that you can implement in your own love life. I'm talking about healing your heart, dating effectively and understanding men so that you can, you guessed it, get your guy. Are you ready to level up your love life? Alright, let's go.

Hello everyone and thank you so much for joining me today. I wanted to talk a little bit about what it would really look like to work with me as your dating coach. Because I think that people, when they hear about dating coaches, they're like, what does that even look like? Do I even need it? How would that potentially help me? And so I wanted to just like open, you know, the hood of my dating coaching program a little bit so you could understand how it really works, what it would look like, what's required of you, and just like how you could potentially see yourself really up, leveling your love life and everything that I have to offer in the program. So, so before I get into that, I want to talk a little bit about a lot of other dating programs out there and dating coaches. And this is not me shitting on them because I love all of my dating coaches and I think that they're doing amazing work. But I do think that a lot of dating coaches have group programs and some of them have online programs. And most of them are generally like a shorter timeframe, let's say two, three, four months. And I'm pointing this out because I believe that my program is a little bit different from a lot of other coaches, just in that I have a one on one program and it's for six months. And the reason I'm doing this is because my goal is to really do some hard, transformational personal work. What I know for sure is that how you do one thing is how you do everything in your life. And so even though we're focused on dating, love, relationships and men, what I have seen from my clients is that this affects all of their life. And so that work takes time and it's not something that we can necessarily just do in a couple of months. And that's just not how I operate. I think slow and steady and deep is my best way of helping my clients transform. And a lot of my clients will agree with that. The reason why I want to do six months is because I have to get to know you. I need to know everything about you so that when we're talking about a guy that you're dating and that you're being triggered by. I can also connect that with your overly critical mother and the guy that you dated right after undergrad so that we can really connect the dots and understand why you're being triggered. And I won't be able to get to know you like that unless we have some time to really create trust in our relationship and just more and more information. The other reason why I want to work with my clients for six months is because what I know in doing this work for a very long time is that everyone is going at their own speed, right? What that looks like is that there might be some of my clients that might need a couple of months to do the true healing work of their inner child, and that's okay. I also have clients that might take a month or two when it comes to leveling up their confidence or really learning how to flirt and embody that diamond self, right? That higher self that they haven't been able to really grasp onto in a very long time. So everyone is on their own journey and they're all taking their own speeds. And I want to be respectful of that speed feed and also give space and time to make sure that we're seeing it all the way through. The other thing that I have that's a part of my program is it's an online audio program. Now, the reason why I do audio is because most of my clients are very busy professionals, and I just want them listening to everything that I have to say while they're doing other things like cooking or cleaning or whatever they're doing at the moment to check off whatever they're checking off on their to do list.

So this is something my modules and my online program are opportunities for you to listen to what I have to say about certain topics and see how they can be implemented or instituted in your own life. My online audio program has roughly 10 modules, and each module has its own own use. For example, the first thing that we'll do is we'll just have an introduction sheet so that I can get to know you a little bit better, right? We'll talk a little bit about your past relationships, what you're doing and dating now, what you've done in the past. I'll talk a little bit about your family and those dynamics as well, just to really get to know you and how you've been navigating this space in your life so far. Then after that will get you online and we'll get you dating. Right? And what does that look like. Looks like getting your profile and your pictures together, right, so that you're putting out your most authentic self on these apps. Right. I'll explain to you my online dating funnel. It's my own philosophy about how I want all of my clients to date online so that you're staying in your complete power and men are coming out of the woodworks to do everything for you and treat you like the queen that you are. We'll also go through Olympic dating, right, Which I'll definitely have a podcast on later on, but it's about dating multiple men and the philosophy behind it and how it is going to optimize your time and your experience in dating and also make sure that you're having as much fun as possible. The next module is all about vulnerability. I. I have it here because vulnerability is so important. And what I know about vulnerability is that if you really want to create a deep connection with a man, there has to be some sort of vulnerability involved. And unfortunately, most of my clients I work with are not in the habit of being vulnerable. Right. A lot of them are at work and have this hardcore armor on and do not want to be seen as weak. They want to be seen as powerful and. And smart. And so there's really no space to be vulnerable, even in their friendship circles or their family circles. Right. They're the one that everyone goes to for advice, for help, whether that's financial, whether that's emotional, whatever it may be. They're the one that has to be the strong one for everyone. So that's really how they inhabit all parts of their lives. And unfortunately, that's a losing recipe for a successful healthy relationships and even dating. So I want to make sure that my clients are really prepared to be successful in dating. So vulnerability and being able to create practices and exercises to really work that vulnerability muscle is something that we focus on early on in the program. After that, we have a whole module about mindset and really learning how to manage your mind as it relates to men and love and dating and relationships and doing this work for a while. I've learned that if you don't believe in love, then you can't be in love. And most of my clients love goals are just that. So I want to make sure that we're helping you get there by managing your mind and really leveling up your love mindset. And in this module, I give you a ton of tools to make sure that you're able to do this right. Not just for your dating life though, but for yourself, your Entire life. And I say this because I think it's important to understand that I'm not trying to just focus on your dating life. I'm focused on you. Because if you are your best self, then you are going to be successful in this love game. And we can't get there if we're just focused on dating and relationships. We have to zone in on you and make sure that you're a happy person. Right. Because happy people date and marry happy people who, if you're unhappy, if you're negative, if you're pessimistic, if you're judgmental, if you're bitchy, if you're angry, nobody's gonna want to be around that. Nobody's gonna want to love you. And I don't know if it's gonna be hard to do so. Right. So we have to pull back some of those layers to make sure that you can be successful not just in your love life, but also in all parts of your life. And that is definitely related to mindset. Okay? So then after that, we focus on developing who you are in this love game. And the reason I have this module is because I have so many of my clients that haven't really put themselves out there in a significant way. They've been focused on school, right? Getting amazing grades, going to the best colleges, universities, and then also just focusing and leaning in their career. You know, school has been their surrogate boyfriend, and their work has been their surrogate boyfriend, but no more. And so it's important for us to understand who you really are in this love game. And you may not know that yet, or you might have an idea of who you are, but it might not be who you truly are. And so in this module, we really delve into understanding who that person is. We also talk a little bit about masculine and feminine energy and what that will look like in your relationships. Because I want you to set an intention here, right? I don't want you to just go into a relationship and morph yourself into whatever a guy wants. I want you to be super intentional about who you are and how you represent yourself in love and in relationships. Because when you're clear on that, then a guy can have a really good understanding of who you are and what that looks like, and he can decide whether he wants to roll with that or not. Without that, you'll have guys who think that they can potentially control you to whoever and whatever they want you to be. And we don't want that. That's not cute.

In this module of who you are in the love game. We're also going to be focusing in on what you're actually looking for. The things that we want might not be super important. So I have some amazing exercises in this module to help you get clear about what are the most important things and how we can find them in high quality men that we're talking to. Because everyone's going to have a different list and it's based on your experiences, right. And your past relationships, how you've grown up. And so we really want to delve into that so that we have a very clear understanding of, okay, these are the top three to five things that I'm looking for in a man. Instead of just meeting these guys and saying, oh, okay, I like him or I don't like him, and not having a clear understanding about why you like him and how that differs from is this person going to be a good boyfriend and long term partner? Two very different things. We'll also talk about boundaries and making sure you have healthy ones because a lot of women unfortunately may not have the healthiest of boundaries. And so I want to make sure that we are not just having healthy boundaries, but we're able to communicate them in a way that can be heard and respected. After we're clear on who you are in this love game, we're going to talk all about confidence and how to get impenetrable confidence in this love game. It's about really discovering that true, higher self of who you are. I really want to get you to that place. And this module is all about getting there. I think through my dating funnel philosophy. You're going to get there externally in this dating and love game. But this confidence module is about how to bring that back internally so that it's a genuine confidence that you're exuding. Okay, then we're going to talk a little bit about your past relationships. And this is where we go and do a deep dive into some of your past relationships and do a relationship inventory and really heal from them. Because a lot of us are just holding on to these relationships and the baggage that comes along with them. And unfortunately, we're putting that baggage on everyone that we meet. You know, treating some of our present and future guys like they were the past guys that shitted on you and treated you horribly. And it's not fair to them, it's not fair to you, and it's not fair to your love life. So I want to make sure that we're healing from that and that we're also getting clear on your own Personal dating patterns so that we can acknowledge them and cut them out of your life. In this past relationships module, I named the top 13 deadly dating patterns. Most of my clients, most of the women that I work with have two to three very strong ones. And so just being able to acknowledge them, it's going to help you tremendously as you are out there and you're dating. And you're going to be able to spot them immediately because you have a roadmap and a guide to understanding what they look like and how you're going to feel when some of those patterns are coming up. Okay, stick with me. We have a couple more and I'm going through all of these because I think it's important for you to understand what we're hitting and how it will serve you to get to your love goals. Okay. This next one, I think, is one of the most important modules that I have. And it's all about healing your inner child. And this is where we connect how you learn to love from your parents and growing up and the people around you and understanding if there are unhealthy ways that you've learned to love and the way that you see yourself. In this module, we're going to do a ton of exercises to really help to heal those and release those wounds. Right. This is where we're going to go super deep. And this is why I've waited a little bit and put this later in my program. It's because this work really requires a lot of trust to be able to really dig deep and understand everything that's happened to you growing up and being able to share that with me. Right. I think about my relationships with my clients as surrogate relationships, relationships that you and I can have where you can lean into it feeling safe, secure, comfortable, so that when you go into your next relationship with your future husband or wife, you are always in the practice of being able to be vulnerable and to really lean into a relationship and not have your walls up. Right. So I require my clients to really think of this as a relationship and a partnership on your love journey. And, you know, if I've learned anything from working with hundreds of clients, this healing your inner child work is a crucial one in terms of really leaning into that vulnerability and that trust that's so important in relationships. The last two modules are really about when you're in a relationship. So the next one is about understanding men, and the last one is about getting to commitment, meaning marriage or long term partnership. And in understanding men, I really think it's important for my clients to understand how men are acting, behaving and thinking when they're in relationships. Right. So that you're able to accurately assess everything that's going on. So many times we have miscommunications in relationships that lead to disappointments because we have mismatched expectations. And so this module about understanding men is also an opportunity for you not just to understand them, but also to communicate with them so that you could be understood and that they can understand you. And then the last module about getting to commitment is about taking yourself from this exclusive relationship that you've gotten yourself into. Congratulations, you're definitely going to get there. To marriage or whatever your long term goal is. Right. So for example, in relationships, 70% of the time women are the one that are bringing up marriage. And I think sometimes women think, oh, I'll just wait for him to bring it up. That's really not how it generally goes. So I think a lot of women are going to have to bring it up. In this module we go through, you know, how to communicate those needs, wants, desires and then what those follow up conversations look like. Right. Because it's not just one conversation that you have. This conversation happens over, you know, two, three, four, five different small conversations about it. That's how we communicate this. Oh, and by the way, if you are not engaged and or married within two years, then the probability that it's going to happen is low. So if you're in a relationship like that now, get out of it. But also, you know, we go through some of the timing that's important in this getting to commitment module just so that you're super clear eyed about the future, next steps of the relationship and how to get there. I want you to knock all of these milestones out of the park so that we can get you to your love goals as quickly and efficiently as possible. So I hope that was helpful in terms of what the online program really provides because I want to make sure that you're clear about what work I'm doing with my clients so that you can understand and make an informed decision about whether that is something that you want in your life or not. Right. This program is going to give you tons of insights and clarity and healing and just a new way of being. So with that said, I want to talk about my one on one calls really quickly. Most of my sessions are about an hour and I like to break them up into three 20 minute section. So the first 20 minutes is really just about your life and what's going on. Right. I Usually start with highs and lows, so I get a sense of what happened in your week. Most of my clients are always the listener, right. And they don't get a chance to actually tell their truth, their tea, and discuss the intimate parts of their lives. So I want this to be an opportunity for them to do this so that they can be successful in their future relationships. I want my clients to be working that muscle because that's what it looks like to be in a relationship. Every day. You're going to get asked how your day was, and I want you to be able to be very open about what the great things were and what the not so great things were. I also have some clients that are super, you know, the nice girls, super Pollyanna, super optimistic. That's fun and great and everything. But you're going to also have to keep it 100% real in your relationship and also be able to be comfortable speaking about, you know, what are the things that are not so great. Right. And I'm hoping that this exercise gives my clients the opportunity to be okay with speaking that truth that might not be all smiles, giggles, and rainbows. So we talk about the highs and lows. We'll also talk about how you've treated yourself, because I believe that treats are super important. And I am going to reprimand you as my client if you're not treating yourself every week. I think that treats are the way in which we love ourselves and we show self love. It is also an opportunity for you to show people how to treat you by the way that you treat yourself. And then we'll also talk about your dating win for the week. Right. And it doesn't have to be going on a date. It can just be a boundary that you set or how you're feeling about it in general or whatever it may be. Okay, so that's the first 20 minutes. So for the second, second section of 20 minutes, I generally like to talk about the funnel, right? Meaning the men that are coming into my client's life, how they're showing up, all of that. This is where we discuss the phone dates, the conversations via text, what they're talking about with their men on the dating platforms. In this arena, I always want to check in with you to understand how you're feeling and what your thoughts are, just because I want to understand kind of how you are navigating and interpreting things that are happening to give you a different perspective so that you can potentially see things differently and in a different way than you have had in the past. Okay. After we talk about the funnel, we also talk about the Olympic podium. The first, second and third guys, the gold medalist, the silver medalist, and the bronze medalists that are in your dating Olympics. Let's say who your regulars are, how the dates are going, what's the aftermath, what are some of the challenges? What are some of the inner saboteurs that are coming up as you navigate different things with different men, just so that you can get clear on why you may have certain triggers also to acknowledge when they're doing great or when they're not doing so great.

Then in the third section of the 20 minutes for the one on one sessions, we get to talk through some of the more personalized things and how the things that are in the homework relate to each client. Having a guy or getting in a relationship is a cherry on top. But I want you to know that when I am working with my clients, I'm working on them. And through working with them, we're able to create space and become expansive to actually have a relationship. Okay. Okay. So let's talk about what happens outside of the sessions, because I think this is where it becomes a lot of fun. So I really strongly encourage my clients to reach out to me after every date and also just to text me if they have any questions. Right. But generally they're going to be reaching out to me after every date. They're going to be rating the date. And I do this because I trust ratings right after dates because that's where your true feelings and emotions are coming out. Versus, let's say, say three to five days afterward, where we're just overanalyzing everything and maybe becoming way too harsh on guys. So that's why I ask that. And I also want to get my clients prepared and used to checking in with someone. Oftentimes we become this independent woman and we're doing things on our own, and it's me versus the world. I want my clients to understand that we are in a partnership on your love journey together. And so I want you to be checking in with me regularly. And sometimes this is like difficult for some of my clients, and that's okay. Right. But that's why we work with each other for six months, so that you can start to get used to that. Right. And you can start checking in in healthy ways. So just one more thing about the sessions. Obviously I kind of ran through what the general agenda is of each session, but they often go off script and that's okay, too. That's another reason why I don't do three month engagements because I want to create space and time for when things happen in the moment. For example, we may be discussing a client being triggered by her mother during the holidays and how that relates to her and setting her boundaries and discussing ways in which she can set respectful boundaries, not just in her relationship with her mother, but with men as well. Right. So we let the sessions roam wherever they may go to make sure that you're finding some sort of resolution and things that are going on in your life at the moment. Okay. So I hope that was helpful in understanding kind of how we would work together or what it looks like to work with a dating coach. Obviously, everyone has their own specific way of date coaching, but I wanted to be super transparent because I think it's important for women who are interested in really doing the work to be clear about what it looks like and what is required of them. I am super proud of the work that I do and my results speak for themselves. Roughly 90% of my clients are in long term, healthy, exclusive relationships within three to six months of working with me, and roughly 60% of them are either married or engaged at the two year mark. So if that's something that aligns with you and your love goals, then we should definitely chat now. With that being said, I bid you all adieu, my loves. Be well.

Hey girl. Thank you so much for listening to the GetYourGuy coaching podcast. If you like this episode and want to talk with me personally, please book a free consultation at www.getyourguycoaching.com. apply or subscribe and leave me a review. Wherever you listen to your podcasts, talk soon.