Be the CEO of Your Love Life - Get Your Guy Podcast S1 E7

Hey girl. Welcome to the get yout Guy coaching podcast. My name is Anwar White, but you can just call me your own personal dating and relationship coach. Each week you'll hear actionable advice, tips and strategies that you can implement in your own love life. I'm talking about healing your heart, dating effectively and understanding men so that you can, you guessed it, get your guy. Are you ready to level up your love life? Alright, let's go.

In today's episode, I wanted to talk about being the CEO of your love life. Now I want to talk about this because what I've realized in speaking with hundreds, even thousands of women is that there are so many women out there that are just giving away their power for no apparent reason. They are badass bitches at work in their friend circles, with their family, but for some reason they are not really serving in their love lives. And I want to talk about what's going on there and I also want to give you tools to help you get to that mindset where you are not giving away your power and where you hold it and you stand, stand in it like the queen that you were born to be and the queen that you are. So if you know anything about me when it comes to being a dating and relationship coach, you know that I'm going to give it to you straight, no chaser. But I'm also going to give you the woo woo. Right? I'm going to give you the affirmations, I'm going to give you the journaling, I'm going to give you all of that. But I'm also going to give you the no girl, don't do that, do this.

I'm saying all that to say you're not really going to hear me say, okay girl, just be confident, just be you. That might be true and that's really cute to say, but I don't really think that that makes great dating advice. Now what I want to do is I want to read a question that one of my former clients sent me not too long ago. Her name was Shantae and just like I said, she was a VP at a company and just killing it at work. But for some reason in her love life, she was not that person. So she wrote me and she said for as long as I can remember, I always seem to struggle with self confidence in dating and how to be the person I am when I'm with my good friends and family. It seems as if my personality splits and I become this shaky version of me that is perpetually approval seeking and anxious that I'll do or say something lame. I know this has cost me feeling open and safe in relationships. So I start to feel unheard, unseen, and angry. Even if it's not the intention of any man I'm dating to make me feel this way. The flip side of that is that I tend to find a little flaw and I run in the other direction, afraid to assert myself or to ask for what I prefer. So I give up. I'm ready to be in a relationship being the confident person I know I am and can be. I know I'd make a great partner. But finding the confidence to let myself be seen and heard for who I am has been this lifelong struggle. How can I build up my confidence in dating and keep my lack of self confidence from sabotaging my best intentions? Oh, my God. This is the question, right? Shantae literally laid it out because everybody goes through this, and she nails that downward spiral that happens when you have that lack of confidence in dating, right? You become that shakier version of yourself. You seek approval and feel anxious. And then he's picking up on that kind of weakness and anxiety, and he is not attracted to that, right? He's gonna start pulling away because you aren't inspiring his attraction. Because lack of confidence and anxiety is not hot, right?

So what do you do when he starts to pull away? You react to his distance, right? You either become more needy or you might lash out, or you might start disappearing to preempt him from hurting you. To answer each of these kind of individual parts or situations the same, it really boils down to one thing. If you're a shakier version of yourself, you need confidence. If you seek approval and feel anxious, you need confidence. If he starts to pull away, you need confidence. If you're inclined to lash out or disappear, you need confidence. Because confidence is this elusive kind of intangible quality as opposed to something that you could buy at the store. Every question about how do I get confidence? Is a bit of a tease. I can't give you confidence as your dating and relationship coach, and you can't buy it. The funny thing about confidence is really how close you are to already having it. Now, I want to give you a couple of tools to help you level up your confidence immediately. Here is one thing that I like to do that I think is really helpful. When you're feeling a little bit low or maybe even before a date, I want you to take out your journal or a piece of paper or even pull out notes on your phone, and I want you to write 10 reasons why you're great. And this list isn't for anyone else. It's just for you to remind yourself how badass you are. Like I said before, you can do this before dates. You can also do this on a Sunday evening getting ready for a work week. But I want you to try this if you feel like this might help you. After you write your list of 10, I want you to read over them. And then I want you to realize that if all of these things are true, and I have no reason to doubt that they aren't, is there any reason that you should be lacking confidence in men? That is the question I want you to be asking yourself after you read through this list of 10. So another tool that I want you to use is what I call the brag book. Now, a brag book, it's like a journal, but it's separate. It can be its own journal. So I have a journal that I write my affirmations in, my goals for the year, what I'm grateful for. And then I have a brag book. And my brag book is the book that I literally talk my shit. The brag book is where I am feeling myself, where I know I am. All that. And I talk about all of the amazing things that I've done in my life. I talk about the fourth grade spelling bee that I won. I talk about the amazing project that I did at school when I was in eighth grade. I talk about the internship I landed in sophomore year of college. I talk about the amazing promotion I got at work. I want you to think about all of the amazing things, the accolades, the awards, the recognition that you have received that have completely made you feel amazing. And I want you to write it down. Now, this isn't something that you have to do on a daily basis, but I do think it's important for you to do it at least on a weekly basis. Again, you can do it before a date, you can do it before a work week, or just designate a day that you're going to write in your brag book. Try this. See how it works for you. Now, in this podcast, I'm going to be giving you a lot of recommendations, suggestions, thoughts about things that you can do. Some of them will work. Some of them may not work for you. What I'm asking you to do is be open enough to try these things and see how they work for you. Mindset is one of those very important things that if you don't have a handle on, it will be very difficult for you. To be successful. That's actually one of the first parts of my program. It's all about mindset and how to shift it and change it as it relates to men, dating, love and relationships. So getting back to Shantae's letter, she talked about how she doesn't act the same way with men as she does with her friends and family. And I'm betting you're the same way. I'm pretty sure it's because you know that your friends and family love you and will accept you no matter what. But you can't necessarily say that for. For any given man that you're meeting or talking to. And I totally get it. But if this is the case, then you're probably giving away too much power to each new guy. Now, I want you to think about this metaphor because I want you to be the CEO of your love life. Girl. You are the CEO of this small company called your love life. And it's a great company. It has plush offices, it has great perks, it has long term benefits, it has potential, tenure, all of the things, right? And each new man is just an intern applying for a job with you. Now, since there's only one job opening available, you've got to be pretty selective about who gets that coveted internship and who doesn't. As a CEO, you don't spend any time worrying about what the intern thinks because it doesn't matter. You're the boss. You determine whether he gets hired. His future at your company is up to you and depends entirely on his efforts. If he has a great resume on paper, which many of these guys will. And when I say resume, I mean a variety of different things. I mean his online profile. I mean how your friend or colleague talks him up in a blind date situation where he went to school or what kind of job he has, all of those things. If he has a great resume on paper, but he doesn't do the consistent work to get and maintain a long term position, you fire him and you bring in another intern. The intern who wants the job the most may not be the one with the best resume. I'm going to repeat that, girl, so that you truly hear it. The intern who wants the job the most may not be the one with the best resume, and that's okay. The intern who wants the job the most will be the one who is willing to work for it. He's the one who shows up early. He's the one who stays late. He wants to put in the work. He really, really wants the job. And if he doesn't you let him go. If no interns are currently impressing you, the job remains open indefinitely until you find the right fit for this prestigious job, one of a kind position. I know for a fact that it is better to have no intern at all than to have a bad intern who disappoints you on a daily basis. And for any of my ladies out there that manage teams, you know this better than anyone. Now this CEO metaphor is the best explanation that I have for why you should never get nervous about what a guy thinks. If anything, he should be nervous about what you think. It's his job to win you over, not vice versa. I want you to just sit back, observe his efforts and treat him the same as you would treat any other person in the entire world. With kindness, with humor, and with compassion. I don't want any of this scared, fearful little girl energy. I want you to show him why he'd be smart to get on the ground floor of your company. And then I want you to pay attention to how seriously he's taking the job. That's the thing about confidence. It's accessible. With just a flip of a switch. You're the exact same person whether you're insecure or confident. The question is, which one of those women is going to show up on your first dates and in your love life? And which woman are you deciding to be? It better be the CEO.

Okay, so I just want to reiterate some of the things that we talked about to help you get into your queen status, girl. To get to your ultimate confidence level. We talked about writing your top 10 list, right? We talked about getting a brag book and writing in it every week. We also talked about remembering that you are the CEO of your love life. I hope that has helped you and I hope that you can try out some of these amazing tools to snap you into your natural born confident selves. Alright, with much love. Talk to you soon. Bye.

Hey girl. Thank you so much for listening to the GetYourGuy coaching podcast. If you like this episode and want to talk with me personally, please book a free consultation at www.getyourguycoaching.com apply or subscribe and leave me a review wherever you listen to your podcasts. Talk soon.