A short coaching-style YouTube monologue (by Anwar White) arguing that black men can be particularly difficult to date and presenting reasons and vetting questions for black women. The speaker cites comparative divorce-rate claims (e.g., black men marrying black women: ~100% higher divorce rate vs average; black men marrying white women: ~200% higher; black women dating non-black men: 20–44% lower divorce rates) and lists five core challenges: mother/son dynamics, lower earnings/financial stress, lack of male mentors, an imbalanced gender ratio, and the impact of racial micro-/macro-aggressions on men’s mental health and behavior. The piece closes with practical questions to ask prospective partners and a call-to-action to book coaching.
Chapters
Girl, black men are the hardest group of men to date. And if you don't believe me, you can look at the divorce rates. Black men that marry black women get a divorce rate that's at 100% higher than the average. Black men that marry white women are at a 200% divorce rate increase. Black women that date non black men are anywhere from 20 to 44% less in divorce rate. Why am I saying this? I'm saying this because most black women are dating and marrying black men. And there are certain challenges involved with that that I think are important. So I wanted to share those with you so you understood. Am I saying that I don't want you to be with a black man? Not at all. Two thirds of my clients actually end up with black men. But I want to make sure that you're vetting them very well so that you get healthy, healed black men. Okay. Okay. So what am I talking about? First, let's talk about mom. Girl. In the 90s, 75% of the households, black households, were single mother households. So black men generally have two relationships with their mother. Either they were a mesh, so entitled, and they think that they're the prize and they are looking for women to be mothers, or their mother was very highly critical, judgmental. So a lot of black men are actually running away from black women because they're running away from their mothers. So a question that you want to ask if you're dating a black guy is his. Ask him about his relationship with his mother. Yeah. Okay. Number money. Unfortunately, because black men are less educated and some, you know, systematic prejudices, racism, discrimination, Black men are not making as much money as probably they need to be. But also they're making less money than black women. So. And this is the only kind of racial group where this happens. And so it is very hard to find a black man that is making more than you. And if that is the case, oftentimes black men will feel emasculated and often try to humble you and control you because they don't feel like they're in financial control. So that makes it a little bit challenging when you're dealing with black men. You want to ask him what he does, right? You want to ask him, and then you want to glass door that mofo girl. You also want to ask him how many people he manages, right? Because if he can't manage people professionally, you probably can't manage people personally. Thirdly, you want to ask about the men in his life, his mentors. A lot of black men actually don't have many mentors. So it's really weird to say, and it feels very archaic, but it's very true. And it is this.
A man is looking for an Alpha man to kind of check him. That is kind of the order. Orders of Operation Pen Das, if you will, in terms of how to kind of raise a man. And so if he doesn't have mentors, a father, other elders to kind of keep him in check, he's going to be out here kind of roaming the streets like many of them are. So you want to ask him who are his male role models and mentors? Okay. Fourthly, you have to understand something. There are 100 black women to 88 black men. So what that means is. And if you went to college, you understood this gender ratio gap. It means that oftentimes men have more power because there are fewer of them. So it means that they're going to have lower commitment rates and higher abandonment rates because they're going to have other women waiting for them, which isn't necessarily the case for black women because there's so, so much more of them. And if you are in a bigger city, it's going to be even worse. Right. It's actually like 20, 25% more black women than black men. So it makes it harder to date them. So when you're asking about kind of his commitment level, you want to ask him how many relationships he's had that has lasted more than a year. Okay. And finally, the reason why it's kind of harder to date black men is because of the micro and macro aggressions that they have to face, similar to what the aggressions that you have to face. But oftentimes those things will lead to depression and anger for men, and they might bring it home, which can make it very hard for black women to be with them. So you want to ask them how they deal with those sorts of aggressions on a daily basis and how they manage it mentally, intellectually, emotionally. I hope this is helpful as you evaluate black men. And also I want you to date everybody. Right. I know that the biggest flex and in terms of being able to find success in your dating life is to be able to date everyone. I hope this helps as you navigate your dating journey. And if you want help with that, definitely book a call with me.
