A YouTube monologue (speaker: Anwar White) advising Black women to prioritize safety—physical, emotional, and financial—over love and romance when dating and marrying. The speaker locates modern romantic norms in a medieval strategy used by lower-status men, connects love-focused coupling to Black enslaved histories, and gives practical guidance (including an 80% income rule) before a brief call-to-action to book coaching.
Chapters
Girl, Black women need to stop dating based on love and romance. And I know that that sounds really controversial, but I need you to just hold on for a second. Now if you talk to your Indian sisters, Middle Eastern sisters, some of your white sisters, your East Asian sisters, they date differently. They date a bit based on status. I don't necessarily think that that's entirely how you need to date, but I do think we need to date differently. Now, where does this love and romance concept come from? Well, in the 15th century in Southern France, these chivalrous knights would put game on these women ultimately to compete with some of these rich, noble men, because they were getting all of the women. So please understand that romance is a strategy, that romance is a strategy for lower status men trying to get women. And oftentimes black men will use romance. Today we call it swag, we call it smooth, we call it chill, mysterious. To get women, please understand that they are compensating for things that they don't have. Now, I'm speaking specifically for black women. Because of our enslaved histories, we don't have nobility. So all we had to do was marry and couple based on love and romance. That's why we see it in our grandmothers and in our mothers. I'm letting you know in 2024 and beyond, you don't need to do that. You don't need to do it. And now I know y' all are into the sprinkle sprinkle lady. And you think that that is the answer. I actually think that that's an over course correct because it actually denies and ignores certain parts of being in a successful, healthy relationship. So the way that I think about and how I want black women to marry and date is based on safety. Safety from a physical standpoint, an emotional standpoint, and a financial standpoint. Physical meaning, does he make sure that your body is safe? Does he walk you to your car? Does he walk on a certain side of the sidewalk? Right. Is he always facing the door when you're at a restaurant? Is he able to advocate for you when you are handling the micro and macro aggressions that you have to endure on an everyday basis? Emotionally, is he able to respect your boundaries and hold space for you while you are being vulnerable from a feeling perspective? Financially, does he make enough money to feel stable and self actualized so he doesn't feel like he needs to humble you? The interesting thing about black women is actually single black women make more than single black men. And oftentimes what happens is single black women will often be in the caretaking role because they're making more money. My rule is if he doesn't make 80% or more of what you make, you probably shouldn't be with him again. I want you dating and marrying based on safety and not just love and romance. And I know that when you do that, your relationships will actually last longer and be healthier. Now, I know this is a concept that goes against everything that probably you've been taught, but I hope this is helpful for you to be open to the possibility of doing it, doing it in a different way. If you want to learn how to work with me and to date differently for a different result, definitely book a call with me.
