Why boundaries feel so hard to set, and how to actually do it. The speaker traces it to childhood punishment for having limits, notes that adults respect boundaries about 95% of the time, and gives a three-part template: state what happened, name how it made you feel, say what you need next.
Hey, girl. If you've ever wondered why boundaries are so hard, then I want you to continue to listen. Because it is one of the things that is a game changer when it comes to your dating and your relationships. If you don't boundary well, you will not be able to date well and you will not be able to relationship well. So I want to make sure that we get this right. Okay? So let's break it all the way down. So when we grow up, we don't have boundaries. And if we try to actually set boundaries, it's considered disrespectful. And maybe you've even gotten a whooping if you're. You know what I mean? Right. And so it actually feels dangerous in our body to set them. So that's why it's so difficult to actually set boundaries. Also, realizing that when you were a kid, probably 95% of the boundaries that you set were not respected, that's tough. So oftentimes we feel like, why set boundaries when we know that they're not going to be respected in the first place? Here's the thing. As an adult, it's actually the opposite, actually. 95% of your boundaries will be respected and 5% will not. Right. Why am I saying this? I'm saying this because you actually have to set them as an adult to have the physical evidence to know that they are safe. The other reason why boundaries are so tough and difficult is because we're never taught them. I practice with my clients how to set their boundaries. And when we first start this, one of the things that I see often is that they over explain. Right? I. I'm feeling this way because X, Y and Z. And then this happened and that happened. No, girl, that is not how we set boundaries. Your over explanation is a trauma response because you don't feel like your boundary, it can hold and stand on its own. What I want you to do when you're setting a boundary is explain the situation, explain how it made you feel, explain what you would like to have happen in the future. That's it. There's no over explanation of. And this is why I feel the way that I feel. Because when you actually explain that, then you make your boundary debatable. And that's the thing that makes these boundaries actually feel dangerous. Because people will go back and forth with you on your boundary if you allow them to. And over explaining actually allows them to do that. So the boundaries don't actually end up making you feel safe at the end of the day. Okay? So I hope this helps as you think about your boundaries and really setting them. What I call a boundary, bitch. I hope this helps.
#datingtips #datingadvice #datingadviceforwomen #singleblackfemale #singleblackfemale #blackfeminini
Dating Pitfalls of the Smart and Successful Woman - Get Your Guy Podcast S1 E2
