Bring Out The Vixen w/ Natasha Chentille

Hey, girl. Welcome to the get yout Guy coaching podcast. My name is Anwar White, but you can just call me your own personal dating and relationship coach. Each week you'll hear actionable advice, tips, and strategies that you can implement in your own love life. I'm talking about healing your heart, dating effectively, and understanding men so that you can, you guessed it, get your guy. Are you ready to level up your love life? All right, let's go.

I never felt the way I do without anyone but you.

Hello, my loves, and thank you so much for joining me today on the get your Guy coaching podcast. I have a very special guest with me today. Now, we are going to be talking about that thing, that thing. S E X. We're going to be talking about intimacy. We're going to be talking about all of those different things. And so I'm not even going to introduce my guest today. I'm going to have her introduce herself because she's just that bad girl. Tell them who you are and what you do, girl.

Hello, everyone. My name is Natasha Chantel, and I have recently given my name as the Vixen Whisperer.

Not the Vixen Whisperer. Girl.

Yes. Don't it sound good, girl?

I'm intrigued.

Yes. So the Vixen Whisperer is a licensed sex therapist, a certified sex and intimacy coach, and she is here to talk to the vixen that is all the women. So we can stop hating on the women that have embodied it and we can enjoy it ourselves and just have pleasure and good sex while doing it.

I know that's right. So, girl, what is a vixen?

Girl. So, okay, so vixen, of course, has its own definition, but for me, I think of vixen as that voice inside of all of us that says, oh, her skirt's too short. Oh, why would she do her hair like that? Oh, my God. Why she buy that thousand dollar bag? It's the vixen that's saying, hey, boo. Like, we want to do those things. We want to explore, we want to experiment, but you not letting me out. And so you live, like, this really docile life in a box, but you hate on people. And we know hate really comes from they just, like, want to be that person.

Yeah. Yeah. I'm so glad that you. You bring this up because I think that I've personally experienced this as someone who is lgbt, right? That, like, I get to live my life with such freedom. And then there are some individuals that don't feel that way and feel like they got a hate on what I'm doing or my, my community is doing. So there's a vixen in all of us that wants to come out. And I'm hoping that today in this episode, that we get to really talk about it and allow her to come out and thrive. This is why I'm so excited to have you on the, on the podcast. So I just want to thank you before we get started for being here because, girl, there are a lot of vixens that need to come out of their cage.

Yes.

Yeah, yeah. So talk to me. How did you get into this work?

So the sex therapy part, I was one of those kids watching the inappropriate shows in the middle of the night. Girl.

Which shorts? Girl, let's talk about it, girl.

So I watched Taxi Cab, Confession Bomb Bomb. I was watching. Was it real sex?

Real sex 1 through 27?

Yes, all of them. And it's like. And I have no clue what the heck I was watching, but I was like, this is intriguing. And there's like an episode that really stood out to me. It was all about latex. There was no sex. It was, it was a party. And it was just about latex, like touching on the latex and everything like that. And I was like, this is weird, but this is cool. Like we just touching on latex. Okay, I love it. So that's the sex therapy part. And the intimacy coach came in after I had my second son. I had my first son at 20 and my second son at 30. And the body doesn't do the same in the ages, but nobody tells. No one tells you that, right?

They're just like, what's going on for 20? And then 30 post pregnancy.

So snapback is real for 20, snapback is non existent for 30. You got to put in more work. And they just don't, they don't tell you how your body changes when you have a baby, when you're older. So I went through a bit of anxiety and depression which led to non existent or very unpleasurable sex. Because one, I wasn't confident. So it was T shirt on at night, lights off under the covers. I don't care if you hot or not. This is what we're doing, girl.

It could have been anybody. Nobody was seeing anything.

No. No one was catching this. And it was to the point I didn't want my partner to see me nake. So I would, I would lock myself in the closet. I would lock myself in the bathroom. And one day I almost broke a toe trying to run to the bathroom so he wouldn't see Me naked. And I was like, okay, wow. It's just not. We got to figure it out. So then that's when I started doing my dancing and a lot of affirmations and just finding ways to intentionally love on myself. And it took longer because I did it by myself. So that's where I was like, okay, if I could cut the time and help women do this faster, yeah, A lot more women would feel pleasure and enjoy sex.

Yeah. I love that so much. I think that that is exactly the value add of having a coach. You can get there on your own, right? It's just going to take you a while. Or you can get a coach and you can accelerate the learning process and get to your goal much quicker. Right? It's your right. So that's what I tell, like, people that want to work with me. I'm like, look, I'm not begging you to work with me, right? And I'm sure you're the same way. But I'm like, I want to help you. I want to help. I want to help you get there faster, right? And, like, that's so, so much fun about it.

Because who wouldn't. Like, who wouldn't want to work with you and find the boo, the bae, the husband, whatever. And, like, who wouldn't want to work with me and have good sex and wake up every day and be like, fuck you, I'm putting on the red lipstick, or I'm putting on the dress with the highest slit and I'm going to have pleasure?

I love.

Why? Why would you not want those things?

I love it. Just FYI, I don't even care what the listeners are hearing. This episode is for me, girl. I want to hear about what I need to do to get this vixen out.

Girl.

I'm living. Okay, girl, let's get into this. Okay, so you talked about sex therapy and intimacy, right? What does that mean? What do you do exactly with your clients?

So first I have to. We have to take away the fact that intimacy is sex. Intimacy does not mean sex. We have to clarify what the definition is. Intimacy is being able to ask for what you want, be vulnerable in hearing the answer, and also being able to give someone else what they need, even if it's not your thing, that builds that connection and that relationship. Like I always say, for me, if I come home and the house smells like fabuloso, the dishes are up, the floor is mopped, that's intimacy. You can get it. Like, you can have it right now on these clean floors, not dirty.

The Floor girl.

Yes, yes, yes. So it's always important, and I find it interesting that when women go into. And I won't just say women like anyone that's in relationships, there's never a conversation about the simple things like expectations and what do I need? And what am I. What do I need from you? What do you need from me? It's a lot of going into things with assumptions, and then that's how they end up with people like us. Like, well, I assume going into this, that he would hit me or grab my this or that, and he doesn't like doing that. Okay, well, did y' all have that conversation?

Right.

Well, now we have to go back and build the foundations for you. Like, you have to go have that conversation because y' all might not be compatible.

Yeah. I love that you're saying this, because this road to what I'm hearing, intimacy, the glory road to intimacy and amazing sex, is very similar to dating and relationships that you. You also cannot assume anything that you have to have a conversation. So you talked about expectations a little bit. Can you explain a little bit more about what sort of conversations do we need to be having and how can we think about our expectations? Because you and I both know, the women that we work with, no one has ever asked them, what are my expectations around intimacy and sex and everything in that arena? So first, I guess let's talk a little bit about understanding that. And, like, how do we even get to expectations in that conversation?

Well, building the foundations and understanding our expectations means a lot of unlearning because we go into life based off of what we've been taught, what we see, what we learn. And at some point, we have to realize, I don't have to go by that. I can make my own rules. And unfortunately, and fortunately for me and my work, I get to help my clients unlearn and make their own rules. Sometimes they keep the rules that they've learned because they're like, that absolutely works. I do expect for the car door to be open, or I do expect text messages every day like my mom taught me. Or they may say, I don't. I don't want to subscribe to that. So I am. I'm one for homework, most definitely. And so I have my clients write out, what do you like? What don't you like? What would you expect your perfect partner to do for you? And then are you available for that right now? Is that.

Okay, let's stop right there, because I think that's really important. So you have them write a list. So for the listeners out there, y' all can do it at home as well. And we have to write out exactly everything that we want our partners to do. So can you give us an example? So you said, open the car door. What else?

Cuddling.

Cuddling. You know, I'm only going through this because sometimes people won't have the examples in their head. And as we've just talked about, intimacy can look different. And so I want to give examples so that people can be like, oh, that can be considered intimacy as well. Okay. Like, let me. Let me expand my definition of that.

Right.

Okay. Sorry to interrupt. Go ahead.

No, cooking. Yeah, cooking can be connection for people. And then you have some people, it's like, I don't like cooking. You know, that's not. That's not my thing. But they go into relationships like, well, let me go ahead and cook, because that's what my mom said, that I have to cook in order to get someone to love me or, you know, whatever story mama or grandma or the first lady told us.

Not first lady, girl.

Yeah. You know, she steps in from time to time into the role. But, yeah, that's. And boundaries. Boundaries are so important. And I have found a lot of women are not taught boundaries.

Not at all.

So they. They have no clue. So when I say we got to go to the basic. The bottom of the house, like, we have to build the foundation. I have to teach about boundaries. What is okay for you? What is. What is okay for you to do for yourself? Because we teach people how to treat us right. And so basically, I feel like that whole expectation thing is reteaching the client how to treat herself.

That's right.

So that she can share that with someone else and communicate it confidently.

Totally agree. I think so many of us grow up and be like, they're raised. Many of us are raised as sons and daughters and not men and women. And for many daughters, it's about obeying and. And doing what you're told and not expressing your emotions or your needs. Right. Because they won't be fulfilled. Right. And not having your identity, but having your identity wrapped up in the other person. Right. And when you're raised. When we're growing up, it can be our parents most of the time being just like mom or her needs. So I think it's important when we're talking about this deprogramming, understanding what the programming actually is and where it comes from.

Right. So.

Okay, got it. So expectations. I think this is so important and really getting clear about what those things that that you actually need. I actually have a whole exercise in my program around this because I tell my clients, as this relates to dating, too, because we do the same work. I do it mostly outside of the bedroom. And you do it maybe mostly inside of the bedroom. Yes, but it sounds like for you, maybe on the kitchen floor as well. So, anyway, no, we have to have a conversation before we get exclusive. What does this look like? What does this mean? How are we going to date? Are we going to have one date on the weekdays, one date on the weekends? Are we going to communicate every day? Is it going to be through a call? Is it going to be through a text? Right. Like, all of these things need to be cleared. What's happening is that a lot of us are pretending like we're in junior high again, and we just, like, we go. We literally do one dance, and then everyone in the school thinks that we're together, and suddenly we're together without no conversation. Then you find yourself holding hands with somebody as you're walking home from school, and then for a week, and then you break up. I don't know where that came from. Maybe I've seen it. I'm experienced. But we can't do that as an adult. Right. And it sounds like it's the same thing here and in this respect as well. So talk to me about some of your expectations, and then I'll share some of mine.

So my expectation. Now, this is silly one, but I don't like driving. So if we're in the car together, I'm not driving. You know, my expect. My expectation is that you drive. I drive when I have to. But when we're together, you drive car. I'm not driving.

That's how it is with my mom and my stepfather. My. And my. My great grandmother never drove a day in her life.

Never.

See? Yeah. So I'm not.

It's not silly, but I'm just saying it's not silly. I think sometimes the reaction to your expectations, and I'm so glad that we are having this moment now, to feel like they're silly when actually they're not. And we get to have all of these, and it's so important that we not qualify what these are, but actually just honor them. And because if we call them silly, then we're going to be less likely to actually express them.

But you know what ruins that? Social media. Social media. And I think this, the expectation that millennials have.

It's just weird. Even though I'm a millennial, some of the things that they're wanting or needing or that they think is like. Because, you know, a millennial would be like, that's crazy. Why won't you drive? Just drive, Just drive. It doesn't matter who drives, as long as you get there, right? No, for me, I don't want to drive. I want to be driven somewhere. So I think social media and being able to see the back end of conversations or someone always having something to say can really hinder us being okay with our expectations. Even me, you know, being an expert in this field, there are still times where I'll see and scroll and I'm like, well, dang, that's what I believe. Is it really that bad? And so sometimes you just have to unplug. But it's so hard to unplug because that's the day and age that we're in. To constantly be plugged in, hearing other people's unsolicited opinions.

Yeah, yeah, Totally true. Let me think of an expectation for myself. I love it when my partner does laundry.

I hate laundry.

I absolutely. It's like something that happens, and I absolutely love it. It's one of those things where.

It'S just one of those things. Right. So I'm just saying, like, people would be like, oh, you're so stuck up or spoiled. No, this is what I like. I like that he does it, and it makes me feel good. Okay, so the first step was expectations. After we get our expectations together, what is the. How can we move forward in this intimacy training?

We get to the fun part. We get to explore.

What does that look like?

We get to explore our body. We get to explore our senses. We get to start being intentional and present in everything that we do so that we stop doing the things we don't like to do.

Yeah. So let's talk about exploration. Because when you told. When you said exploration, the first thing that popped into my head is Sex and the City. When Charlotte puts a mirror down there and starts to actually look at her own vagina for, like, the first time ever.

Yes. Yes. That is absolutely 100% part of it. Look at your vaginas. Look at your vulvas. It is yours. You cannot just give it to someone and you have no clue what's going on with it. That's not fair. You give away your power when you give away your body and you expect someone to come in and know what to do with it. No, you have to know it's yours.

How can we not just explore it, but also really appreciate it and start to love it? Because I think sometimes so many women use it to just go to the bathroom and maybe are so disassociated from it, like, so that in sex, there, it's like something's happening down there. And then I'm just here. Up here.

Yes. Right.

So how can we start to really kind of become one?

Oh, we're. We're going to be one. So I always say touch it, taste it, smell it, look at it. All the things you need to.

All the senses.

All the senses. Like, you need to be in tune with what's going on between your legs. And you need to know if something's wrong before it knows that something is wrong, you know, because that is where life is formed. That is where you're allowing energy into you. Like, that is your power center of the universe. There's so much power in it. To ignore it is irresponsible in my mind. Like, it's just then, even though we don't know what we don't know, our moms may not have known, our grandmothers may not have known, but there's so much out there, and there's so many people out there willing to go the journey and help women reconnect to themselves. Because women are so powerful when they're connected, you know? And it's a lot of shit that we just won't stand for anymore to have, like, a fulfilling life if we would just connect to our power source. But it's also a source of fear.

I want to help the listeners out there because when you gave Touch It, Lick it, you gave that whole Busta Rhyme song about that vagina. Some of us might not be ready to get there yet. So when we're not there, how can we start to get there? What's our first step? Is it like getting some really nice panties for ourselves just to, like, celebrate that area? Or are there other ways that we can just, like, take that next step to really start to get closer and closer with the center of the universe.

Yes. So starting with just being closer to your body, like I said, the senses. A lot of times when we eat, we eat real fast, you know, like slide it down and then go. What happens if you take the time to stop and taste your favorite food and taste the seasonings and just chew and have, like, this orgasmic experience with chewing your food and feeling it in your mouth, like.

Yes.

Or a candle. Sometimes we just light a candle and we go. But if you take the time to smell the candle, smell the throw, it smells really good. Is it strong? Can you smell it? Throughout the whole house or is it just in that room? Where does it take you? Like if you close your eyes and you sniff, where are you at? So like really being present with the senses means we're present with our bodies.

Yeah.

And that is like the first part of it. My favorite activity to give my clients is when you shower and you get out, sit down and actually put the oil or the lotion on.

Yeah.

Like pay attention to your elbows, to your knees. Make it slow. You can make it a nice sensual, erotic thing if you want to. But I mean, ultimately all that is doing is slowing down and paying attention is all it is.

Yeah, yeah, that's so important. Okay, okay. So we have our expectations at this point. We've explored our body and our senses and I think we're, we're at a point where we're pretty familiar with what we're doing. What's next after we've explored, after we have. I'm gonna think of a, another explorer that's not Christopher Columbus. Now that we've cortezed our experience, our life, our bodies, now we have to.

Tell people, now we have to share it. Now we have to tell people what the expectation is. We have to show people how to explore our body and give us what we like and be okay with people that say that they don't want to do that and not be attached to that answer.

So let's talk about that. Right. Because I think it takes us a long time to figure that out as we talked about before and then knowing it and then actually expressing it.

Right.

Like knowing it for real. Because I think as we discussed, not many of us actually know, but when we do know, there can be a source of shame or embarrassment or. So how do we go from knowing to expressing? Like, what can we do? Are there steps that we can take? Can we practice?

So starting with the people that are closest to you, like your partners and your friends? Just having a conversation of. I would like to just sit, you know, I've been doing this work with myself and I just want to share what's come up for me. Have that conversation and also bring it. And I'd also like to share with you, you know, some expectations that I have with our relationship and I would like to hear yours as well because I want to make sure that we're both getting what we need out of this relationship. Relationship. So it's not one sided. And usually the other person will be like, oh. And they won't even know how to answer, but it'll make them feel Appreciated to be having this really deep, vulnerable conversation with each other.

Yeah.

But it also gives you information. So it's like, if you go to this person and they're like, I'm not trying to do that. What data.

Right.

Okay, Okay, I see where we are. And like you were saying before, the. This process, the things that we have to come into. One of it is loss, like, grieving loss. Can you imagine how many people are really just in our lives just because what we constantly give, because we don't have boundaries or we don't know our many of them. Right.

I tell my clients when they start with me, get ready to have a third of the people that you know out of your life by the time that we're finished.

And it's. It's horrible. You know, it's horrible how we think about what we've been giving up and how many people really, they're not that interested in us. And how upset they get when I say, I would like you to not do that anymore. It doesn't make me feel good. And for them to get pissed off, oh, you're changing. Why are you so different? What's wrong with you? Oh, okay, okay.

We're all changing. We're all evolving. Right?

Right, Right.

I love that so much. So what I'm hearing is.

Express this to your partners. I also think it might be helpful to just start expressing new and different things with your friends.

Right.

Like, I was talking to a woman and she's like, yeah, I have this side of me that, like, really likes anime, but, like, my friends don't know it, but I was like, oh, share that.

Right.

Let. Let them know. I think we can all have our mini coming out. Right. And be able to share these intimate parts of ourselves that actually are quite lovable if we allow people to love on them and to share them. So I think I love this, like, expression, part of. Of this journey that you're taking us through. I think it is so important to share that. Okay, so we've expressed it. What happens if we actually like it or the other person actually likes it? And then what happens if the person actually is, like, not about that life?

Right. Because I only say that because, for the first part, sometimes people say, like, yeah, let's do it. And then we might freak out, like, oh, so now, now. Now it's going down.

Right. I wasn't expecting you to like this. Okay.

Right, Right. Yeah.

That's what we keep communicating. You just. You have to keep communicating. Like, if something comes up, the most important thing to do is to feel it and express it. Why else would we be in these intimate relationships with people if you don't want to be in the game with them? And being in the game is talking about the play.

Yeah.

So if we're not willing to be that vulnerable with someone to share when we're uncomfortable or to explore those. Those areas and services, now we have to answer a different question. Are you ready to be in these relationships?

Yeah. What happens when one partner is kinkier than the other partner?

Compromise. You have to find a compromise. And maybe there is no compromise which goes into. Maybe we're just not compatible. I'm not interested in those things because a lot of times with kinks, it's one of those things. I'm going to do it. I'm going to find a way to do it. So either you're going to participate in it, or we're going to have to talk about how I can get that, that part of me out because it is a part of me that I'm sharing. So again, the grieving of loss, there may be a loss of that relationship if there is no middle ground or compromise.

So totally agree with you. So many of my clients, when they get into a relationship, they realize that they're them and their partners are having different speeds when it comes to sex. Right. And I try to. I try to kind of let them know that sometimes it takes a little bit of time to get on the same page and at the same speed on something. So I do think it's important to be, you know, a bit patient and then work our way up to getting to where you're going to feel comfortable and all of your expectations are met in this area.

Right.

So maybe we're not doing bdsm, but maybe we're starting and we're just watching a little bit of porn together as like a first step.

Right.

And then maybe we're expanding some of the foreplay a little bit.

Right.

It's not just boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. It's actually, let me light a candle, let's actually go into the bath, let's do a massage. And then.

Boom.

Levels to it. It's levels. Everything we do is levels to it. And I mean, we hope that we have a long lifetime to continue to explore ourselves and explore. Explore that with different people. So there's. There is no rush. Just enjoy the process. It feels good. And you come out on the other end like your whole self, your whole ass self. Authentic, unapologetic all the time. And that place that's an amazing place to be where it's like, I just. All the work that you put in to grow as an individual and to be okay with what you like and what you don't like, who you like and who you don't like. You don't want someone to come in and shoot you back 20 steps because it takes a long time to get there. It takes a long time. And so that's where those boundaries, like, cherish that. And so many of my clients, when I get them there, they're like, oh, no, I'm not messing with you no more. You, you, you. Because you're trying to mess up what I've done. And I'm in an amazing place, and I like it here, and I know what it feels like on the other side, and I don't want to be there anymore.

Yeah, definitely. Now, I wouldn't be doing my job if we didn't talk about some of our past sexual experiences and being able to forgive those to actually get to this place. Because we can talk all day long till the cows come home about the steps that need to happen, but we got to get right with what we've done in the past for us to actually get there. So how can we.

Manage? Right. And also perhaps even heal from some of those experiences? And those can be of abuse of. They can be about sleeping with the wrong guys that you aren't into. It can be about just not. It can be about anything. Like, what sort of exercises or journal prompts do you have to kind of help your clients be able to move a little bit forward?

I am gung ho about writing yourself a letter. You know, just writing a letter to her that self and saying, look, I. You didn't know what you didn't know, and it's okay. And as many times as you need to write that letter, you write it and then you get rid of it. There's no reason to go back and reread it, you know, but do it as many times as you want to because again, we spent all these years with this thought process and the things that we tell ourselves. It's not going to go away in a day.

Right.

You know, I'll get up in the morning, depending on how I feel. And I have. It's a folder called my mind. And so I just dated. It's like a journal. And I just type out. Maybe it's full sentences, maybe it's not. I don't care. I just got to get it out of my head.

Yeah.

Ever I'm thinking and I Don't really care to go back and read it. I just want to be. I want to be empty in a positive way so that I'm not carrying all of that. So however it needs to get out, that's how it gets out. Whether it's writing in a journal, whether it's writing a letter, finding creative ways, painting, going outside and doing yoga, dancing, twerking, whatever it is to shake all of that out, it doesn't. It's. It's stagnant. Energy doesn't need to be there anymore.

So what I'm hearing is twerk while you journal.

This is what I got out of all of that.

If anybody wants. If whatever people are listening to right now and whatever you're getting from that, realize that the biggest takeaway is to twerk and to journal.

Yes, Twerk, journal. And then go have sex on your clean kitchen floor.

Yes, girl.

No, but seriously, I love this idea of writing yourself a letter and really going through some of those experiences that are holding you down and.

Putting so much weight and burden to the point where you feel like you cannot be free from this. Because I think I can speak for both of us when I say we don't want you bringing everybody that you've been with into the bedroom with you.

No, let them go.

We want you to be fully present as yourself in experiences so that you can be viewing this experience with your own eyes and not, you know, through the eyes of who you were before or in the eyes of other people that you dealt with in the past. So that just is so, so good.

That was so good.

I like how you said that to do and to, like, get clear. I love that so much. Okay, so we're going to be getting it out, getting empty. I love that. In whatever way is possible. Maybe that's sports. Maybe it's like physical activity. Right.

So, you know, you work with your clients for how long?

It really depends. Right now, I'm moving them into a more intimate group coaching community, a membership, and they get to choose. But if I had to guess it about, it takes about six months to a year to actually get to a place where my clients feel like there has been change. We go through the anger of the decisions being made. Lots of tears. You know, we have to dust all. I call it trash bags. We gotta open all the trash bags, go through all the stuff, and then about, you know, about six, six to eight months is where there starts to be that shift where they're like, wow, I actually set a boundary. And I didn't cry when I had to keep it or, you know, I know. I know what I want to try. Like, I'll try some more kinkier things. I would like to bring, like, blindfolds into the bedroom now, you know, so it's. This. Not a quick turnaround.

No, not at all. My program is six months as well, just for everything that you stated. So obviously, you know, this. The work that you do is really about intimacy and sexual healing. So while, you know, your clients are doing the work, should they be having sex?

Shouldn't they?

What are your. Like, how do you think about that?

In the very beginning, I always tell people to just shelf it. Like, let's not. Let's not have sex right now. Because I don't want. I don't want you to feel pressure, because a lot of times it's just. I feel pressure to perform or show up this type of way. Right, and so now you're in shutdown mode. So let's just take all the pressure off. Let's not have sex, and let's start from the beginning and figure out what you do want. Now. If you have sex, by all means, you're grown. Do what you want to do. But no sets us back sometimes if you don't. So it's up to them. But I. I am like, no, let's just stop. Because I want all of their attention. Yeah, all of their attention. And if they keep doing the same thing over and over again, it sets us back every time we meet.

I also think. And let me know your thoughts on this. That I feel like sex bonds us to people, right? In so many. So many different ways. And it sounds like in this process that you're laying out for your amazing clients that you want them to own their body and their own vagina instead of it being basically bonded to someone else. Right?

Because good sex will have you making really bad decisions, girl.

We know some people who have been dictatized, so everybody knows the dude is trash, but for some reason, your girlfriend keeps on seeing him.

So we've all been there. We've all been there.

Are we talking. Are we talking about this now? Are we talking about our dignitized days? Because I don't know if we're gonna do that.

We have done the work, and we are past it.

That's right, girl. We've done the work, but we're also just like you. We've gone through it all. We've done it all. I love it. I love it.

I love it.

Can you just share with me and the listeners if there's anything else that you think is really important for them to know as they're thinking and considering their sexual and intimacy healing journey and process that we haven't talked about before.

You deserve to be first. It's really easy for us to find a reason why we don't have time to focus on that area of our lives. Because our kids need us, because our partners need us, because the job needs us, because our parents need us. Somebody, somebody will always need us. At some point, you have to decide. Me first.

Yeah.

And when you focus on you first, everyone else reaps the benefits. Though we've been taught opposite. I promise you, when you fill your cup first, you feel your pleasures and your desires. You become a different person, maybe a more pleasant person. And everyone else, the kids, the partners, the family, the work, it blossoms because of that. So, like, go ahead and put yourself first. It's not a bad thing.

It isn't. It isn't. It goes back to what I was talking about. When you raised a daughter, you're taught to think about everyone else first. But when you're raised a woman, right, and you sit into that power and sit on your throne as the queen that you are, then of course everything is about you and about your happiness and comfort and all of that. And everybody else is doing everything for you and not the other way around. Yeah. I love that so much. Awesome, girl. Thank you so much for being here. Now, if this has resonated with so many people, which I know that it has, and they want to get in contact with you and work with you, how can they do that?

You can email me@enrielycoachingmail.com or you can find me on Facebook. Natasha Chatel, Come on and hang out. I like to talk.

And you also sent me a document for people to reach out to kind of engage in. Can you talk a little bit about that as well?

So it is a sexual mindset worksheet. Basically, what it is, is, what are the things that I say to myself? How can I change that verbiage? Because mindset is always going to be the first thing because you're in your head all day, every day. So if you're constantly saying, my body looks bad, I don't have good sex, or, you know, whatever, I'm not attractive, those are the first things that we have to work out, those kinks, because they're not true. And you have to find something else to counteract that when it comes in. I'm not beautiful. I am very beautiful.

Yeah.

So that's just to kind of see it and start reciting it over and over again so that it becomes habit.

I love that so much. So that will be in the show notes for sure. So definitely download that and fill that out. Girl, thank you so much for being here. It has been a pleasure. Girl. You have lived up to my expectations. We have explored many topics and we have expressed ourselves.

Yes, thank you for having me. This was fun.

Yes, girl, anytime. You have to come back soon, huh?

Oh yes. Yeah, we get a little bit more kinkier.

I know. That's right, girl.

All right, everyone, thank you so much for joining us today. I hope you got something out of this. Until next time, bye bye.

Hey girl, thank you so much for listening to the GET YOUR guy coaching podcast. If you like this episode and want to talk about with me personally, please book a free consultation at www.getyourguycoaching.com. apply or subscribe and leave me a review. Wherever you listen to your podcasts, talk.