Cora's Love Journey

Hey, girl. Welcome to the get yout Guy coaching podcast. My name is Anwar White, but you can just call me your own personal dating and relationship coach. Each week you'll hear actionable advice, tips, and strategies that you can implement in your own love life. I'm talking about healing your heart, dating effectively, and understanding men so that you can, you guessed it, get your guy. Are you ready to level up your love life? All right, let's go.

I never felt the way I do without anyone but you.

Thank you so much, my loves, for joining me today on this episode. I have a very special guest with me. Her name is Cora Morgan, and she is one of my current clients. And I thought it would be a good opportunity for you all, my lovely listeners, to hear from some of the clients that I work with and some of the realizations and breakthroughs that they have gone through in their love journey. So, Cora, thank you so much for joining me today. Why don't you just kind of introduce yourself and tell people where you're from, what you do, all of that jazz?

Hi, everybody. I'm Cora. I am originally from Louisiana, but I live in Dallas, Texas. I am by day a business process analyst, and my side hustles include things that are crafty, from greeting cards to birthday cards.

And you also have a plant business. Let's talk about that too.

So the plant business came about this year during COVID One of my neighbors and I are both truly Southern girls whose grandmothers and great grandmothers were plant people. And we kind of just shared our love for that and it turned into an awesome opportunity. So new Growth Plants is my plant business, and it's been good so far. I feel like I'm at my best when I'm busy. It is definitely distraction from everything else in life for me. So when I started New Growth, I was also doing a certification program at Cornell University, and I still had LMB and my full time job, but it's my norm. When I'm not busy, I actually feel like I'm slacking. So it's been interesting to not be busy and be in a relationship on purpose.

It feels good, right? And one of the things that's also really interesting is that oftentimes we make ourselves really busy, as you said, to distract ourselves or to avoid the things that we have to actually acknowledge and go through. Do you feel like part of what you were doing was also that as it pertains to your love life?

It definitely kept me from feeling like I didn't have anything going on on Friday nights. You Know, like, I didn't need a date night because I just filled orders on date night. It probably was intentional, like, subconsciously for sure. But now I definitely feel differently about all of that.

I know that's right, girl. We're definitely going to talk about that. So talk to me about your love life. Before getting into the get yout Guy program and working with me, how often were you dating? And talk to me a little bit about some of your past relationships.

Before coming to the program. I was dating not as often, honestly. This year has just been interesting in general with COVID so I did a couple of virtual dates from time to time, but I mainly stuck with guys that I already knew the disappointments to expect. I just like how they rolled. And that was like, better than starting with a new person for me at the moment. So that was my norm, was kind of just dealing with ridiculousness, honestly.

What kind of ridiculousness? Like, talk to me about what these men were doing and how they were showing up or not.

That's it. Not.

Major inconsistencies, inconsideration of my feelings, like not being a priority. Like, oh, my God, I can't believe I was dealing with all of that for so long. So opposite of my life right now. I feel like if you tell me, for instance, we're going out on Friday, and then I don't hear from you until Sunday, that's a problem, you know? And that was kind of like a normal thing with like, several guys that I was dealing with, which made it necessary to date so many because no one was bringing what I needed. So.

Yeah, yeah. And why do you think that you were dealing with that bs?

I don't know if it was that I was comfortable with accepting that for now just because it felt like having something better as opposed to like nothing at all. But I wasn't happy with it. It was just what it was.

Yeah, yeah, definitely. Talk to me also about your familial relationships. Right. Because one of the things that I know, especially with working with a lot of really together Black women, is that they also have some family Ish going on as well. So talk to me about how you related to your family as someone who found some success in life.

So I am the oldest child for both of my parents and my stepparents. On my mom's side, I'm the only girl, which means I am like the second parent. So I feel like I've been an adult for most of my life. So I've been heavily responsible because I grew up in a single parent Household. My dad was there, of course. Like, I love my dad, but I lived with my mom. But I'm kind of like the person that they come to when anything goes wrong. It's always been that way, though. It's been different to learn to not accept that. For sure.

Yeah. Which is some of the work that we've been doing.

Oh, my gosh. I think that's called, like, boundaries, right?

Yes, ma'. Am. All of that.

Definitely. Right. And I'm saying that because you are not the only person that goes through this. When you have your life pretty together, and especially if you're coming from a black family, oftentimes you will have people in your family that maybe are having a harder time and will always want you, need you, claw at you for things that they are not able to provide in their own lives. And so I know that that was the case for me and so many of my clients out there. I'm so glad that you were able to kind of speak on that because it's something that is so important and also how we learn to relate to other people. This notion of I do these things for people and that means love. And that is not how we operate, especially in a romantic relationship. And if we're coming at it from that perspective, there can be some drama or dramatics, as you like to say, in terms of how you're treated because of what you're producing in the relationship. Okay, so when did you know that you needed some help with your love life?

Girl, yesteryear.

I am kind of like blatantly honest person in general. Right. My filter, I've learned that.

Filter is usually pretty thin. And when it comes to myself, I knew some of the work that I needed to do. However big, comma, I'm not the best person at keeping myself accountable. I kind of work better with a partner. When it comes to self help type stuff or even with exercising, anything that's not dealing with money or work, then I need a little bit of help. So one of my sorority sisters, she was just listening to some of your lives and had some friends that were familiar. And she was like, I think you should check him out. I might check him out. And so I just started listening to your lives and I was like, oh, my gosh, this is all so relevant to me. I need this. And I think I just decided that since I'm working from home this year, I'm going to invest in myself and I'm going to take the opportunity to take advantage of the time with being at home and being Kind of in a quiet space and do the work.

Okay, so you were listening to the lives and the webinars and all of that. Was there anything in the listening that like, resonated with you specifically that you were like, oh, okay, this is like, this is someone that I think I can work with.

I think it was just you have this personality that makes me so comfortable. I felt I knew you like, I felt like you were talking to me directly. I started sharing them with people like, girl, check this out. Listen to this. Da da da da. And we were all like, but is he like that in real life? And then after we did the intro call and you were like that. I was like, I'm doing this. Oh my God. Like, this is my fairy godfather. This is him.

Oh my God.

I cannot believe that you are calling me your fairy godfather.

It's like this person who comes in and like sprinkles you with this love and dust that makes you a better person. I was telling my friends, I'm like, it's not like he's telling me what to do. He acts make me figure out what to do. It's like you tap in that extra notion that I'm ignoring and you're like, no, no, no. What are you thinking? What are you saying? And I need that. So that works for me.

Yeah. So let's go back to the actual intro call or the consultation. I mean, were you nervous? Were you just like, whatever? And then talk to me a little bit about what happened on the consultation call for you that really helped you make the decision beyond me just being me.

So I don't like telling people my business. Also, I'm the person that people come to. I don't go to anyone for anything when it comes to em emotional type relationship. I'm not a sharer. I'm usually the person that everyone comes to. So I was nervous about opening it up and being honest. But it was something in the questions that you asked that made me feel like more safe. And when we were talking, I felt myself being more comfortable because I didn't feel judged. And that's huge for me. I just felt like someone that actually cares about my well being also new for me. So I felt a little bit of emotions being triggered. That's something, you know, that I'm still working on because I'm not big on crying. It was just the call.

Well, girl, I'm so glad that you got on the call. And it's true. It's like I always tell people on these calls, I'm Going to talk to you like you're my sister. So there might be things that I say that don't feel right to you or feel uncomfortable, but I'm doing it with love and respect and all of that. So I'm glad that you felt comfortable in the consultation. Okay, so let's talk about, like, our work together. So we've been working together for roughly three months or so. Talk to me about your experience. Kind of just working with me. We were on calls on a weekly basis for an hour, but sometimes those go to an hour and a half, depending on what we're talking about or however long. So talk to me just about your experience working with me on a weekly basis.

So I can't imagine not doing this. A big part of the start of our calls for me was the highlight, low light part of the call, which was something that was so hard for me in the beginning, and now it's something that I can look forward to. It's parts of the week that are good. Used to be hard for me to discuss. My negative stuff outweighed my good stuff, and now it's the exact opposite for me. I'm like, well, let me think about what was bad. I think that's from our work, for sure. And then just having the expectation that there's gonna be a point in the week where someone's gonna care. How did I get this far without having this emotional place to go to?

Yeah. Well, I love being able to go on this journey with you and all of my clients, because it is a journey, you know? And to your point, you don't know what you don't know or what you've been through or what you needed to go through to get to where you want to be. And so I feel truly honored to be able to be with you on this journey. Right. And I'm so glad that you mentioned that there is somebody that cares. And one of the things that I really want to instill in my clients is when I'm working with you, this is a partnership. Right. This is like, yeah, I'm going to give a damn about you, but you also have to give a damn about the process and yourself and everything about it. I want to make sure that when you do get into that relationship in the future, which you will, that it doesn't become like this thing where you have to go from 0 to 100. You are already in the habit of expressing your emotions, expressing your highs and your lows in a way that feels supernatural and seamless. Right. That you can rely on somebody. And you're in the practice of doing that because that's what's really going to create the connection. So I'm so glad that you mentioned that. To your point about the highs and lows, I mean, we talk about love, but we also talk about a variety of other things, right?

Yes.

Oftentimes we're talking about work, too, right?

Yes, yes. And that's been hugely impactful. I remember one of my friends, I was talking about you, and she was like, no, you don't have a relationship coach. You have a life coach here that. Get your life coach, girl. That's right. It is like, get your life together. It's just not love. Relationships I'm learning are more than just intimate relationships. Like, there's relationships all around. And just learning how to set boundaries for me and all of my relationships has just been life changing for me.

I also think because of the women that I work with, work is such a big, important part of their life and has been almost like a boyfriend surrogate in a lot of different ways. And so it's a really great opportunity for me to work with you and other people in terms of how do I communicate my displeasure with something at work. Right. How can I leverage that into some of my romantic relationships as well so that I'm heard, I'm seen, I'm understood, all of that.

Right.

How do I ask for more? How do I communicate in a way that I can be heard, that I want to be seen more and also represent myself and not just represent my work. So I think that's an important part. And work is something that I talk to all of my clients about. And I want to congratulate you on this new opportunity that has come about for you. Can you talk a little bit more about that?

I really was comfortable at my job because I got to fly kind of under the radar. But something happened this year with being in a new position at my old job. Maybe it was Covid working from home, working with new people, but I started to feel like I wasn't bringing to the table everything that I could, and I found a new job quickly. So the new job is a new company, but I'll be doing the same thing, just with more responsibility and more exposure. I'm so excited because.

And more money. Girl, girl, let's not Forget that, what, 20, 30% more or something like that.

I got an increase of 25, $30,000. So, yeah, I'm super excited about that part. I mean, I. Yeah.

Congratulations.

Thank you. No, it seems like everything is Just, like, blossoming. And I've had some of my friends to tell me, I think it has a lot to do with you doing some work on yourself and triggering things to happen, you know, because you're putting effort into it. So I'm excited.

Yeah. And this is something that happens with a lot of my clients. Right. It's like, once you do the work, I like to think of our work as not just, like, doing the internal work, but also doing, like, this expansion work. Right. Where we are expanding our limits and what we're comfortable with and understanding that we can trust ourselves more, even in things and journeys that are unchartered. Right. And so I'm just, like, so, so happy and proud that you have been able to do things that feel super uncomfortable and also trust yourself and know that it's going to be okay. Right. That you've got your back. But also there are people out there that have your back if you need to be supported. Let's talk about some of the changes that you've seen within yourself while working together, and if anyone else has kind of noticed those changes.

Oh, my God. I think I've become the boundary queen. Okay.

Yes, girl. You about to take my crown, girl. I thought I was the boundary queen, but look at Sheil.

Some of the major changes in me have definitely been around boundaries, which I felt like I had them. Like, I felt like people knew what to ask me for and what not to ask me for, but some kind of way I wasn't communicating the limits on things that I needed, whether it be my availability or your intrusion, I was not speaking up about that. And that's in work and personal. So I think that what we have as Black women, that is passion, that is sometimes like, ambition, that is drive, that is something that makes us come across as very strong, is sometimes viewed as, like, negative aggression. And I try to, like, dial that back in a role because I didn't want my family to feel like I was being a B. And I definitely didn't want to come across as that person at work. But me dialing that back, so much so that I was hiding my wants and my boundaries was hurting me. It wasn't hurting anything else. So that's been one of the major, major things for me is boundaries. Another thing that had, well, setting boundaries. Another thing has changed for me is speaking about my expectations in my relationships. I think that this has been a big one. It's been really, really good because I get to say what or what I expect. And then I learned what the Other person wants and expects too.

What were you doing before that?

Just riding with whatever and expecting them to know what was enough. And sometimes I would speak it, but I wasn't in relationships to where it was necessarily accepted or, you know, like there's listening and there's hearing. They weren't listening. They heard what I said. Yeah.

And I also want to just hit on this point about the angry black woman. First of all, we should be angry based on some things that are happening, but also the way that we are communicating and not speaking our voice ensures that the resentment builds up to the point where we actually explode. And a lot of people are seeing that explosion and then judging you for that. One of the things that I think that we were working on is making sure that we don't get to that explosion, explosion point, but that we are communicating in a way where our tank is always maybe at a fourth.

Not necessarily on E, because I don't think that's ever going to be the case. To make sure that it doesn't get too full where people actually take on the full wrath of what you have to say and do.

Wrath is the word, honey.

I am one of maybe four black people in my whole department of maybe 60 or 70 people. So I feel like when there's not people there who can relate to you, it's easier to try to meet them where they are. And like, I curve myself like I curved my personality in order to not come across as too much or too aggressive and sometimes even too smart. Because that's something that you don't want to seem like a know it all. You don't want to seem like you have to be in charge. So yes. Oh my gosh. It's been a lot of work on that.

Let's talk about your man, girl.

Let's talk about him. So what's his name and how did this all come about? How did you get your guy?

I am so like, gushy right now.

Oh, my gosh. Girl, be gushy. Girl, be gushy.

This is ridiculous. I need to get it together.

Ok. No, you don't. Let it all out.

So my guy's name is Clint. Well, his name is Clinton, but of course we call him Clint for short. We actually met on Bumble in 2019 and we went on seven dates. Oh my God. And he would not hug me for real. He was giving me like church hugs.

Like the side hugs.

And I was just like, what is this? Like, why are we going on these dates? It was not enough for me. It was good dates. Don't get me wrong. Like, it was very good, thoughtful dates, and I really liked that. It was always thought out and planned, but he never tried to kiss me. I remember saying, like, he didn't even try to touch my booty, which is big for me.

Give me, like, a church hug and not even, like, try to slide in a little. Nothing. It was like his boundaries were on a million. Okay.

Huh?

And I did not like that. So I actually tapped out because I didn't feel like it was going anywhere, and it didn't feel like enough. But we did stay in contact as friends, and 2020 came around, and things were like, okay, I'm just checking in. How are you?

It's funny how Covid does that. You and so many other people. You got people coming out from the woodworks, trying to see, oh, are you okay?

Are you okay? Do you need anything?

Yeah.

Do you have toilet paper?

That was a big win. So he started asking if he could come by, and I was just like, no. I mean, I guess, but for what we already know. Like, you're not trying to do what I'm trying to do. And we started having, like, these conversations about where he was then versus where he wanted to be as far as a guy that was dating and a guy that wanted to be in a relationship. And so we started going out and hanging out more and more and more.

And we started working together. When you started hanging out a little bit more with him.

Yes. So it was around. It started happening, like, in the summer that we were going out. And I remember on our very first call, I was telling you about going out with him, but I was like, I think it's a waste of my time, blah, blah, blah. I didn't think it was gonna go anywhere. I felt like there was a possibility because when we dated last year, I felt like he was my person for a minute.

Okay.

So I liked it, but I didn't love it. I liked that he was respect and wasn't trying to, like, kiss me and go out with me, you know, take me home to get physical like that. But it was like, the flip side of that. That's like, well, why not? You know?

Right, Exactly.

So the fact that he was that way made me feel like he respected me. I wasn't sure that I wanted to be all the way respected all the time.

I know that's right, girl. Ah, yeah.

I started working with you. He started giving me, like, these tools to kind of help me to figure out what to ask him, like, questions to know where he was and what he wanted. And we started talking about, like, what exclusivity looked like and, you know, holding off on getting physical or intimate until we were exclusive. And I think that the fact that I was still dating.

Right, let's talk about that, because you told him and let me know if I'm completely off here. You told him. I'm working with a dating coach, and my dating coach is telling me that I need to start actually dating.

Yeah.

Right. Yes.

And it's like, what this dating coach is. No, he don't want you to win. Like, he's trying to. No, you don't need all these other guys. Like, he was so uncomfortable. Of course he was going out with other guys. And I remember, like, when we were dating, I was telling him, like, yeah, I'm going out with this guy. I'm doing this, I'm doing that. And I didn't know that it bothered him. Like, he never told me. We're on dating apps. Like, you think the first person you meet, like, this is going to be it? No. So I was working with you, and I was, like, working on my profiles and picking pictures.

Picking pictures and rewriting bios and, oh, my God. Filling in all these questions. It was soon after that, he was just like, we're going exclusive. Like, I would like us to be exclusive. I don't need y' all to delete them. Dating at the top of your phone.

Right, Right. And I think it's important. I wanted to talk about that because I think a lot of women feel like if I'm dating a lot of people, they're going to think less of me. And the one thing that I want to offer to my listeners out there is that doing what I call Olympic dating is finding a gold medalist, silver medalist, and bronze medalist actually flips a switch for a lot of men. And if they're really into you, they're going to want to compete and they're going to want to have you, and it's actually going to do the opposite. Meaning, like, it's going to want to become exclusive with you that much more. And so that's why it's important for you to date until you are not single anymore.

That phrase, Olympic dating, I almost took him out, okay?

He cannot stand it. I was like, no, baby, it's Olympic dating. I was like, we got to find some medalists this weekend.

He could not hated that. Like, oh, my God. So, yes, I do think it was impactful because he was just like, well, I'm really just waiting on. Like, I know that I wanted. He knew he wanted this, but he was just casually taking his time because he felt like there was no one else. No, no, no, no, no, no. We got some people out here that's competing. Okay? So I think letting him know that, hey, there's other guys that are interested in me, and I'm interested in getting to know them until I get to my person, it kind of made him make some moves, for sure.

Exactly. Exactly. Good. Awesome.

So talk to me.

We've just come on this holiday season. Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year's. Talk to me about how your holidays have been with him.

Oh, my gosh. I hate being single during the holidays. Let me start with that. Like, it is my favorite time of year. I am, like, so thrilled that we got to go to, like, Christmas events and see lights. And this season has been different because I actually met family members, and he met family members, and I haven't been in this space in some years, like, more than five, maybe 10, since I took someone home with me or even since I let someone meet my mom, so. And he handled it like he was so cool with it. My mom was just like, oh, okay.

And I was nervous, like, oh, God, his house is gonna go. Mama, please don't say anything crazy. Like, oh, my God, ain't nothing crazy to my mama. But it felt like very natural and organic. I think a big contributor to that is the fact that Covid is here. So if I'm FaceTiming my mom in here, he'll pop in to say hi. Or if he's FaceTiming his mom, I pop in and say hi. So that kind of took the edge off of that. But it's still all very new for both of us. It's been a good holiday season, for sure.

So he came home for the holidays, met all the family, and you recently met his mother face to face.

Yes, I met his mom, which is the queen for him.

You know, it's also a huge milestone in a relationship journey. Right. And it's a big deal.

Cause moms either really love me, or they could do without me.

Off with their head. Yes, exactly.

But I think she approves. I did really good, thanks to you. Got her a nice little thoughtful gift that was right on. Like, she was showing everyone. She was so excited for her goodie bag and she was calling it, and we kind of, like, he asked me to stay an extra day to spend time with her and him, and we went grocery shopping together. We kind of just did random things, but it was just the three of us. Anyone really so she got like more of my personality and she came her shell because at first she was really quiet. By the end of the trip, she was like, girl, give me a hug. You know, like, I'll see you later.

Yeah. I think that's an added value of working with a dating and relationship coach. Being able to understand what the important parts of this journey are and how to really show up for those moments. Right. And I feel like you, like you really did. Now I want to keep it real because I always do. Right. Every relationship is not perfect.

No.

And what I truly feel is like, once you actually get in a relationship, which most of my clients do, roughly 90% of them, that's when the real work starts.

That's what we have to really dig our heels in and talk about what's really going on inside. Girls, how has that manifested for you?

Oh my gosh. You know that I.

You know that I like freak out really easily when things are uncomfortable. Not to him, but on the inside, on the outside to him. I think I'm together, right? And he can't tell that I'm falling apart if I don't say anything. He has no idea. I seem like I just have my stuff together. And he thinks of me as this like, to do lady. Right. Meanwhile, on the inside, I'm like, like just all over the place, like Tasmanian devil. Like, oh my God. Emotionally, what is happening? Something that has been a challenge for me is learning how to be an effective and intentional communicator and find my voice in uncomfortable situations because I am a shut down person and we don't have to talk about this ever again. In fact, it never happened and that is not healthy. Right? Because it did happen and I'm still upset about it, but I am learning to take a deep breath. Woo. Saw it out. And if I need to step away, like, we practice the code word. We practice the code word discipline to where, if it gets to a point, to where either one of us are just like, hey, this is it for me. I can't go past this point. And we have a code word. He said the code word to honey bun, which I thought was silly in the beginning, but it helps us to kind of like reset, right? Because nothing is so important to where I'm ready to walk away. Like, and that is not what I want. And I also don't want him to ever feel like this is something that I'll easily throw away over a disagreement. Like, no, I'm in this. And so that's why it's so important to me to be intentional with the words that I use.

Yeah. And I just want to congratulate you because I think that has been a huge, huge, huge, huge milestone for you on your journey and being able to, not just at work, but in your romantic relationships, not shut down, but be present for the actual conversation that needs to be had. And as we've discussed so many times, like, he can't help you unless he knows what's really going on with you. Right. He can't help the situation. He can't, you know, want to do what he naturally is built to do, which is make sure that you're feeling amazing if he doesn't know. Right. So I think that has been one of the biggest changes in you as well. To be able to like come out of the little girl shell that we did when we were growing up, but to actually have these difficult, tougher conversations and be there in your full power, I just think it's so amazing. So congratulations for that.

Thank you. First of all, thank you very much. You said something though with that when you said the little girl has. I have learned that he and I communicate so differently because we grew up in different households. And even though both of us grew up in southern households, because he's from Texas and I'm from, the differences in the way that our mothers behave are huge. Certain things. My mom is a pack it away. Like she changes the subject effortlessly. Like it can be, oh, all up here, high energy argument and just show. So what are we doing for dinner so quickly that the change happens that it catches you off guard and he is from the family that they yell more than we do. I'm not used to that. So us finding like a common ground, I think the fact that both of us show up to do the work is estimate to the fact that we both want it. So. Yeah.

Yeah. It's amazing. Well, thank you so much for sharing all of this amazing detail about your love journey. I'm just so happy and honored to be with you during this time. Now, let me know if there is something specific that you would like to tell all of the listeners out there about working with me or if they're on the fence and they don't know whether to do it or not. Like, what sort of advice would you give them or what would you want.

To tell them if you are on the fence, Jump sis. No.

Jump, sis. Jump girl.

If you are seriously ready. This is a big part of this because my friends, you have to be ready to get dirty. You gotta be ready to be Real with yourself. I have huge imperfections. I mean, come on now. I'm great on the outside. Like, yes. And I come to put together really nice. I show up. But on the inside, there's so much work that I knew within myself that I needed to do. If you are ready to do the work, then you need to do it, because life is short. And I remember you telling me, girl, it's going to be another quarantine. You don't want to be quarantined by yourself.

Second wave, girl. Second wave.

Just listen in to some of the podcasts. Join some of the lives. Take advantage of that first call. Like, there's no charge for that call. It was the start of our coaching sessions for me. So take advantage of that. Try it out. See how you feel. Know that the person that you see and hear is exactly who you get on those calls. And he's there because he cares. And he'll teach you how to love yourself better.

I love it. Thank you so much for that. I appreciate it. Cora, my love, thank you so much for joining me on my podcast. This has been amazing.

Yes, for sure.

So for any of the people out there that are on the fence thinking about it, I just want to offer to you that every one of my client sessions is completely personalized and unique. I think it's important to make sure that I know every little thing that is happening with you. The past relationships, the names, what dad did when you were 17, what mom did last week. I need to know all of those things so that we can best work together and that you can effectively meet, attain, and surpass your love goals. So if that's something that sounds like you want to do, please reach out to me. I'm always here. And with that said, I want to wish you all a very, very, very beautiful day. Much love. Bye.

Hey, girl. Thank you so much for listening to the get yout Guy coaching podcast. If you like this episode and want to talk with me personally, please book a free consultation at www.getyourguycoaching.com. apply or subscribe and leave me a review. Wherever you listen to your podcasts, talk soon.