Creating Your Online Dating Strategy With The Dating Doula

Hey, girl. Welcome to the get yout Guy coaching podcast. My name is Anwar White, but you can just call me your own personal dating and relationship coach. Each week you'll hear actionable advice, tips, and strategies that you can implement in your own love life. I'm talking about healing your heart, dating effectively, and understanding men so that you can, you guessed it, get your guy. Are you ready to level up your love life? All right, let's go.

I never felt the way I do without anyone but you.

Thank you so much for joining me today, you guys. I have a very special guest with me. Her name is Bridget the Dating Doula. And she is going to give us our entire life as it pertains to online dating. So, Bridget, I already know there's going to be a lot of tea that's going to be spilled, and so I'm just so happy that you're here and I get a chance to talk with you.

Oh, thanks so much for inviting me on the podcast, Anwar. I don't know about how much tea is going to be spilled, but ton of it. Okay.

She's a humble tea server, but, yes, we're going to spill tons of tea. And I'm just really excited because obviously we are in this pandemic and a lot of people are going on these online apps and everything. And so I think it's going to be really important all of the information that you're going to give all of my listeners. But before we get into that, why don't you talk a little bit about your business, what you do, who you serve, and how you got into it.

My name is Bridget, and I run a company called the Dating Doula. And so essentially, I describe myself as sort of like an online dating concierge. Right. And so the work that I do mostly involves, like, copywriting dating profiles either from scratch or helping people to kind of edit their dating profiles and their photos as well to make them a little bit more interesting and to attract the people that they want.

Do sort of like online dating strategy for folks who are comfortable with using the apps but may not be meeting the right people or keep meeting the wrong people to sort of kind of hone in on what some of their issues might be. And then my full service sort of VIP package is called the Dating Doula. And with that one, I basically online date for you as you for 30 to 90 days. And it includes pretty much all the rest of the services in terms of the dating strategy, as well as writing your dating profile from scratch. So that's a general Sort of idea of what I do in terms of who I serve. I don't know if you noticed, but I'm a black woman, and.

Yes, you are. You are a black queen girl. And I'm living, and I just want to let my listeners know she has a slight gap in her teeth, just like all of the women in my family. Which means royalty in Africa.

Yes, it does.

So I am, like, so happy to be in the presence of some royalty girl. But, yes, you are very black, and I am very happy about it.

So I think anybody who is. Who, you know, pays attention or who is a black person on a dating app knows that online dating as a black person comes with its own specific, unique challenges, Right?

Like specifically a black woman, right?

Yes, absolutely. Absolutely. So, you know, people's prejudices aren't checked at the login page of a dating app, unfortunately. And so when I started my business, I was really sort of focused on supporting single black women to just basically have better online dating experiences than to also sort of be able to strategize and have more fun dating. I work with everyone, so I'm like one of these people where. Where if you're 21 and older, you're single, whatever your sexual orientation or gender identity, I will work with you. But my focus, and you'll see that a lot if you take a look at my social media, is black women and women of color, for the most part. But I serve every get on that.

Social media, y', all, because it is hilarious and fun and, like, it's just such entertaining content. So definitely get on that social media. It's interesting. When you were first talking, you were talking about an online dating strategy, which I don't think people would really ever think about, right? They think about business strategies or marketing strategy or whatever, but they would never think about online dating strategy. So I think it's just a really interesting concept. Could you speak more to what that kind of looks like and how people should really be thinking about that?

One of the biggest issues that I think that people have, that I have in the past, and this is kind of what led me to realize that this was a service that was needed, is that a lot of people use dating apps without any sort of real strategy, right? But in the same way, dating apps are so ubiquitous now that there's character types that you will find on every single type of dating app, right? And so often people are kind of like, oh, you know, I'd like to date, or I'd like to meet new people, or I just want to see who's around and then they hop on a dating app and then usually they kind of just go down the rabbit hole, so to speak. Right? But if you're just looking to hook up or if you're just looking to kind of do something super casual, no big deal. But if you're looking strategically to try to meet somebody for something long term, you do have to be strategic because there are a lot of time wasters on dating apps. Right. And so I'm one of those people where I think it's important to approach online D with a strategy and also without being too heavy handed or too serious. You know what I mean? It's like, have fun, but enter with a strategy and understand what it is that you're on there for and then refine like crazy until you meet people who kind of align there. So I do think it is important for people, I think women, especially black women, especially to be strategic about how they use dating apps essentially very much.

That in my program with my clients, I call it the funnel and it's a framework and a strategy that they need to follow to make sure that the cream of the crop is the people that they're actually engaging with and not all of the everything else that's out there, right?

Yes, absolutely.

So obviously we're very much in a similar business, so I'm probably sure that you hear this a lot. There are a lot of women out there that are nervous or hesitant about going online and online dating and things like that. What do you have to say to them? What do you usually say to the people or your clients that have that kind of hesitancy?

So again, I find that I tend to be women like over, I would say 40 to, let's say the 60 bracket, who are a little bit more nervous about online dating because they've heard all sorts of horror stories and everything like that. And I would say there's nothing wrong with going outside of your comfort zone. Right. Like, and I think also people need to be aware that different dating apps serve different dating purposes. Right. So if you're very precautious, I wouldn't recommend like a high traffic swiping hookup app like Tinder.

Yeah, girl, we're not putting 50 year old Karen on Tinder to get her life.

Exactly. So, you know, just be mindful of the fact that like, not all dating apps are created equal. Not all of them have the same experience, not all of them have the same numbers of people. Even, you know, there's paid ones, there's free ones. And the experience can be very different on both of those. I think maybe before the pandemic, it would have been like, okay, I guess if you're concerned, then you prefer meeting people in person, then let's go do it in person. But in the time of COVID you do have to try and venture out a little bit. But I would say do your research or better yet, talk to someone like me, you who sort of well versed in the world of online dating to get really good advice about what dating apps might best suit your needs and things like that. But honestly, dating apps aren't going away and Coronavirus isn't going away anytime soon. So, you know, if you've been scared historically, I would say venture out, do something a little outside your comfort zone. And if you need support, people like you or I are there to support.

Yeah, definitely. Or also continue listening to this podcast episode because we're going to be giving you so much tea here.

Yeah, trust.

Okay, so talk to me a little bit about some of the mind shifts I think are important when it comes to online dating and getting one prepared to online date. Right. I don't think you just kind of fall into it. Right. I do think it's important to prepare yourself. So talk to me about how one should be thinking about being out on the apps.

Okay. One strategy that I think is really important, and I know, like, your audience is mostly black women, so I'll speak to sort of an approach that I often notice my black women clients taking to online dating. I think women in general take to online dating, especially maybe when you're a little younger, a little bit new to it. Dating is about exploration and it's much about learning about yourself as it is about trying to find, like, another partner. Right. But a lot of the time, people, very much so people go onto dating apps with the expectation, I'm going to find Prince Charming, I'm going to find my husband or wife, or you know what I mean? Like your flavor is. And they forget about the fact that it's also about meeting new people, connecting with people, you know, potentially going on fun dates, whether those are virtual dates and things like that. So what I would say is that to prepare to be on dating apps, it's really, really important that you have a clear understanding of why it is that you're on the app. Right. If you're there looking for a relationship, great, that's fine. If you're there just to be casual, great, that's fine. But be very clear about why you're using the Dating app and the type of person that you want to interact with and engage with on the dating app. Also, I would say if you are not the type of person who's good at taking photos, get on Google, listen to this podcast, get good tips on how to take great photos. Right. I've worked with clients where their entire profile is basically selfies in the bathroom. And I'm just like, no.

Or also pictures from a variety of different destinations by themselves, traveling. I'm like, girl, we have seven pictures of you in Bali, in Costa Rica, in Brazil. Like, we get it. You travel.

Yeah, for you, girl. Absolutely. Right? And so what I usually like to tell clients is that, you know, go through some of the pictures that you've taken within the last year or so and then try to pick out your favorite photos, ones where you're smiling, ones where you're wearing bright colors and things like that. And then I would also say for an ongoing basis, because it's important to update your photos on your dating profile.

I always say, how often should we do that?

I tell my clients to do it once a month or even more often. And what I usually tell them to do is whenever they're going out, obviously it's a little bit different now because of the pandemic, but whenever they're going out or whenever they're going somewhere and they feel good, they feel like they look good, take a picture of yourself or ask somebody else to take a photo of you if that's an option for you as well. Right? And so that's kind of what I say, because, you know, like, when you actually feel good and you feel like you look good, it radiates, it shows. Right? And so on the days when you're feeling really good, make sure to take photos of yourself. And I usually advise, like, a close up, a medium, and then a wide shot. If you can get someone to take a full shot of you and just bank it. I have, like, clients who literally have, like, a folder on their phone that just says, like, online dating. And they just bank, like, these photos of them at different points or different events that they've been to, where they're just like, oh, I felt really good today. I felt like I looked really cute. My hair looked really good today. You know what I mean? And so that's sort of what I would say. And what I would also say as well is get yourself in a place where you are calm. You know, online dating can be really overwhelming sometimes, depending on what you're looking for and which app that you're using. And I think it's really, really important that before you start online dating, you need to get yourself sort of emotionally centered and calm and aware of the fact that you're going to be meeting lots of different people. Some of those people are going to be great. So some of them are going to be awful. It's not a reflection on you per se. Happen regardless of whether or not the technology existed, because humans are humans, right? And so just be in a really calm place. And then another thing I would say is be very, very clear about the amount of time you plan to spend on the dating apps. Dating apps are designed like games, right? They're intended to keep you on there and kind of just going and going and going. But even though it seems simple, it's very emotionally exhausting to be swiping through people or going through tons and tons and tons of profiles and stuff. And so what I would say you're like, okay, I'm going to download this dating app and I'm going to use it. Say to yourself, are you going to use it for 30 days? Are you going to use it for 2 months? Are you going to swipe every day? How long are you going to be swiping for? And things like that? And be very conscious about the amount of time that you spend. So for me, what I usually tell my clients is that max 30 minutes to 60 minutes every day at a particular time. Right? And then turn it off once you've gone through, send messages, time yourself. Like, I've literally had to do that timer on the phone.

Yeah.

I'm like, all right, I'm going to go through, I'm going to send my messages, et cetera, et cetera. And then after that it's like, okay, I'm done for the day and then tomorrow I do it again. And then I say to myself, okay, I'm going to online date for a month every day for 30 minutes or to an hour for a month. And then once the month is over, I'm done, I take a multi week break. And then I'm like, all right, let's try a new dating app now and go from there because it's really, really important. You're going to burn out otherwise, right? Like people who stay on them for months at a time and then they get jaded and usually.

And then all day, all day long. And so then they really start to get to your point. Jaded.

Yeah, yeah. And they. You burn out, right? So just be really strategic about the time commitment that you're willing to Spend and also the reasons why you're there. Just be mindful about your photos and make sure that you're capturing photos on the days that you feel good.

Yeah, yeah, definitely. That's really interesting. So I definitely tell my clients 15 to 30 minutes in the morning and 15 to 30 minutes in the evening. I don't want them on the apps all day long because that also signals something different too to the people that are on the apps. It's almost a little bit of a desperation vibe.

Yes, absolutely.

And you don't want to come off as that. Right. I want to circle back to the photos because I think it's really important. So you gave us a body shot, a close up shot. Can you also explain to me, like what sort of photos should they be in? Because I'm always telling my clients, and I want to hear your thoughts on this too, that when men are online shop. Online shopping.

Well, kind of it is, that it.

Is the meat market.

Yeah. I was like, I don't know if you're wrong.

Online dating, they're really envisioning, they're looking at these pictures and trying to figure out if they can put themselves in your life. Right. And so it's important to like have one where you're a little bit professional one when you're home and casual one when you're out at the restaurant or at the gym or at the museum or ballet or whatever you do. So talk to me about like what kind of photos should we be thinking about when it comes to online profiles?

I agree with you. I think it's really, really important that the photos reflect your actual life. Right. So you just mentioned earlier that you have clients where all of their profile pictures are them traveling, globetrotting all over the world solo and stuff like that. For most people, that is not your everyday life. You know what I mean? I'm a big believer when it comes to online dating. Photos to show rather than tell. Right. And so yeah, you could tell somebody, I love kayaking or you can take a picture of you in a kayak, you know what I mean, holding a kayak or whatever. You know what I mean? Like, I think it's really important that the photos reflect sort of your everyday life. Like even with my online dating profile, when I'm online dating for myself, I always include one photo where I'm makeup product free. And mind you, I know that for some people, they're not comfortable doing that. I'm comfortable doing that.

Right.

And I. Because I think my skin looks fine and I don't have products on.

But just FYI, her skin is flawless. Thank you.

Yes. A lot of time and effort goes into that, but, yeah, the reason is that I want my skin to look good when I don't have product on. So I always include at least one photo where I'm just like, product free, you know, just so some people have a good idea of what they're getting and stuff like that. And for me, I love fine dining, I love wine, I love. Also enjoy traveling. But for the most part, like, if I'm gonna include one, it'll be one travel photo. That's right. Yeah. You know, I love nature and being outdoors. So there's photos of me on nature walk and things like that. Right. Like, I just think it needs to be an accurate reflection of your life. Obviously, people want to present the best version of themselves, and there's nothing wrong with that, but it needs to be realistic. Like, fundamentally, you're not going to be traveling, especially now, all over the world. And so shots of you in exotic places doesn't make any sense. If you play beach volleyball, let's get some beach volleyball shots. If you like to swim, let's get some swimming shots. I agree with you in terms of giving people a relatively accurate picture of your life where they can be like, this person looks like they live, you know, like, they're not just, like, out here kind of running across globetrotting up every single day of the week or whatever, but they're really sort of like living and having a full life. Yeah.

I want to talk specifically about black hair in photos.

Yes.

Because it changes a lot depending on who you are. And so I wanted to get your thoughts on should black women be having this similar hairstyle. Should they have different hairstyles? What are your thoughts on that?

So I want freedom for black women. Right. And that means letting them know that it's okay to make whatever decisions they want to make. Me personally, I love my natural hair. I change my hair very regularly. I always try to have a good mix of different types of photos of my hair.

Right.

Other people prefer to use one single type of photo. I don't really prescribe anything in that regard because I think it's important that you, as a woman, like, present yourself in the way that you feel the most comfortable. But for me personally, if you are a black woman who does change her hair often, I don't see any reason why you wouldn't want to show what you look like in different fashions or aesthetics. You know what I mean? In the same way you Wouldn't necessarily put up photos of me in the same outfit. My hair is like an expression of my beauty, my fashion sense. I'm a big believer in putting up different photos, but I don't prescribe it to people.

Yeah. And that's how I think too. And at least that's what I'm telling my clients, that we should focus on your dominant styles. Just because that's gonna represent the most of who you're going to be and how you navigate the world for the most part. Right, let's switch over to profiles. Because I know a lot of women will just. I don't know what to put on it. And you know, I think most people aren't great at online profiles. And so that's one of the things that we do as well. We just kind of whip it in shape. Talk to me about what we should be thinking about as it pertains to our online profile.

I'm probably gonna get flack for this, right?

Girl, don't, don't worry about the flat. Girl, don't worry about it.

So one of the things that I find that women very much often do, and this I'm talking about like heterosexual women specifically, just to be clear, they love talking about, I have my shit together, so you better have your shit together. I have 15 degrees, I own a house, I have a car. Like, just talking about things where you're just like, madam, none of this is a reflection of your personality. These are like, you know, material achievements. Right. And things like that. And so that's one of the things that I think is really. And I understand why women do that, because they want to sort of communicate the fact I am self sufficient and I'm independent and I'm financially stable and I want similar things. Right. But it's too, it's too much. It is too much. Right? And that doesn't speak to your personality. Like there's lots of really horrible people who have degrees and have homes and like have cars and things like that. It doesn't actually speak to who you are as a person or necessarily what you're looking for. This is not a resume, it's a table.

And also guys aren't attracted to that if that's your goal. They just want to feel good around you. They don't care how many degrees that you have or anything like that. It's working against, against you.

Right? And then also a degree is not like an indicator of your ability to be a good partner in a relationship. You know what I mean? It's a lot of the really intangible things that make you a good partner on your profile. Talk about things that you think make you a good partner that are not necessarily tied to, like, material things and achievements. Right? So I think that's the one thing that I would say for sure. And then also negativity. You always know. I see people all the time where I'm just like, madam, get off nap. You need a break. Okay?

When they're like, don't do this. I hate when things. Yeah, girl.

Yes. It's like, do not swipe on me. If you. It's like, whoa, Right? You know, I always say to my clients, do not use your dating profile to speak to the people you don't want. You are talking to the person you do want, right? It's like, why in the world would you be like, oh, if you do not, like, go to church every three times a week if you do not do this, if you don't make this much, then don't swipe on me. How about you just say, I have a really strong faith, and I would love it if my partner could have some sort of spiritual practice and be willing to learn about my faith. You know what I mean? Like, to me, it's like, do not speak to the people you don't want. You don't want them. Talk to the person you want.

Exactly. But also, nobody owes you anything. Absolutely right. And you don't know any of these people to be telling them what they can or cannot do. I think it speaks to a lot of greater things, too, about learning how to accept and accept oneself and accept other people, which I think is very important when it comes to dating in a relationship. I wanted to talk about this notion of figure out what your essence is. And one of the things that I do with my clients is I have them answer the questions and you can do this. Listeners at home, what makes you special, what makes you unique, and what makes you confident? And then I generally say, okay, now ask two of your girlfriends and two of your guy friends that same question about you, because women will see you differently than men will see you differently. Incorporate all of those things into your profile. Because the one thing that I also do hate on profiles is when everybody is like, I, I. It also signals like, girl, you kind of all about yourself. So you, like, want to switch it up and say, you know, my friends say that I'm this, or I've been known to. Or people say this just.

Or I'm known for.

Yeah, exactly. Just to break it up. Because ultimately you're signaling it's all about me. And nobody wants to hear that, right?

Absolutely. I love that. I think those are fantastic questions. The confidence one is so good. That's a great question. Here's the thing, like, sometimes with online dating, there's a lot of people who have a vision or an idea of who they are.

Right.

And sometimes it's not entirely accurate. So the idea of, like, getting feedback from other people or even feedback from folks like you and I, who see tons of dating profiles and work with lots of different types of. Types of people, it's really important for you to sort of be able to get feedback from other folks, to be like, hey, really aggressive or.

Right.

You haven't talked at all about what you're looking for. You're just talking about, like, how amazing you are, how awesome your life is. It's like, oh, okay, you know? So I do think it is really important to get sort of that outside feedback from people who love you and who want to see you succeed, but then who love you enough to tell you the truth. Hey, this is not good. I wouldn't add this or you should tell them that I'm known for making awesome care packages or I'm known for making awesome cocktails at a party, or do you know what I mean? Like, just really sort of figuring out what makes you special to yourself as well as to the people around you, and then being able to surface that in your dating profile again, versus. I have this, and I've accomplished this, and I have 10 degrees.

Like, you know exactly what happens because they tend to. The women usually. Yeah, exactly. The women usually talk about those stuff, and then when they ask their friends, they talk about how sweet they are, and it's always this huge contrast. And so, yeah, really interesting exercise. Yeah, I love that people are, like, seeing you.

Yeah, I love that. That's such a great. Those are such great questions.

The other thing that I think is really important on a profile is also to engage the reader. So I have some of my clients talk about themselves, but, like, ask the person who's reading the profile about what they're talking about. So, for example, if you love to go to wine bars and brunch places and karaoke places, then I want you to on your profiles to be asking, what are your favorite places to go to give the reader something to grasp onto.

Absolutely.

Talk to me a little bit about that. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So for instance, one of the questions that I ask my clients is, are there any sort of activities or hobbies or things that you don't currently do that you want to do, right? Any sort of hobbies that you'd like to take up or you know, would want to take up with a partner and things like that and then raise a question around that. So perfect example had a client whose goal was to run like 5 or 10k and I basically advised her to, you know, ask a question. I'm getting ready to run a 5k next year. Any tips, question mark, do you know what I'm saying? And leaving that sort of open ended option for people to engage, right. And I remember she came back to me and she was like, you know, the men who answered that question, A, it showed her that they read the profile, right? And then B, you know, she was able to sort of weed out the men who were just kind of like manslating her and then the other ones who were like, oh yeah, you know, I'm actually trying to like run a 5k and 10k too. This is what I've tried. Gives them like a soft place to sort of enter into the conversation. So I completely agree. I think that's really important.

I love that. Okay, girl, I would not be doing my job if we did not talk about the good apps, the bad apps, the ugly apps, you know? Cause I think everybody wants to hear about that. So talk to me about the apps that you absolutely love and then also in general, and then give me the black woman lens, girl, you know, it's a different world.

Okay. So one of the apps that I really like, and again, it depends on which city that you are in because obviously not all apps are popular in all cities. So I'm in Toronto, Ontario, Canada and Hinge is a very popular app here. I really like Hinge. So I work in my sort of regular day job, I work in tech and I love Hinge for a couple of reasons. Number one, very simple, very clean, easy to use, large text, and really clear about how to create a profile and things like that. And that also gives you a little bit of control even in the free option to be able to sort of refine what it is that you're looking for and set locations and things like that. I am open to dating people of all like backgrounds, right. Like I want love. So I'm even on my profile I'll say things like, you know, I date men of all backgrounds and physicalities who date all women of different backgrounds and physicalities, right. And so for me, I find that the diversity and the range of men on Hinge is much better. Now as a black woman, you Know, I have lots of black female clients who will be like, I want to be with a black man in Toronto. Hinge is much better in terms of the availability of black men than some of the other dating apps. So that's my top favorite for just in general and then also for specifically, like, a single black woman. So in my city as well, Bumble is really good. But I gotta tell you, if you are looking for racial diversity on Bumble, not great. I didn't love my Bumble experience. Bumble felt like a digital Abercrombie and Fitch store. White, preppy, and, like, I got a lot of, like, diversity here in terms of the types of men that I'd be interested in. And so because Bumble's approach is that the women should message first, there's been like a weird, almost like a laziness that has set in with men across all dating apps. They don't message first. Do you know what I mean? Like, even if they're not on Bumble, sometimes they don't message first where you're just like, hello, you know, engage with me. Right. There's like kind of this, like, expectation and things like that.

I'm like, anti Bumble.

Are you?

Yeah. I don't like it because of that fact that the men that are on there are generally lazier, are generally more entitled and generally have more narcissistic and or toxic traits and might be a little bit more insecure than your average guy on your average app.

Right.

And the way that I want my. The women that I work with to date is I want them to see and have the investment of the person first and foremost, and then figure out if they want to match with them. And Bumble is like, not that.

Yeah. And we also know that, like, you know, if you look at some of the data from Bumble, there's a lot of men who will literally swipe right on absolutely every single profile. Right?

Yeah.

So, you know, I agree with you. I think if you are.

If you are a white girl that's 23 years old.

Yep, yep. I would say anything under 30. Bumble. Bumble work.

Absolutely.

Absolutely. If you are, like, not petite, not white, not under the age of 30, it's not great. Right. And so.

Well, I want to say this too, because I have had, I want to say, curvier clients that have felt more empowered working through Bumble and just getting that practice. And so sometimes what I like to do is, girl, let's go on Bumble for a couple of weeks. Let's shoot your shot. Knowing that this is nothing like we are just practicing the act of doing that and showing up. I think it's a great base for that to be able to practice that without understanding or wanting any sort of expectation.

Absolutely.

And when we're used to doing it and it's like nothing, okay girl, let's go back to where we want to go and then let's, let's see the people come in but let's also shoot our shot and let's also engage in these other platforms.

I completely agree with you. I never discourage people from using it. I just want to make sure that I level set and that I manage my clients expectations right in terms of just the demographic that they're generally going to find on Bumble. Right. Like I've used Bumble lots of different times and lots of different scenarios for myself and for other people. And I just find that consistently it's the same sort of challenge. There's not enough diversity. Very young, again, very lazy and very entitled men, you know, in terms of just the way that they engage. So the next dating app that I want to highlight and again this one depends on where you live. OkCupid is like one of those long time original free sort of like dating apps that's been around for a really long time. And So I think OkCupid is decent for much older people. But you have to be very, very clear about what you're looking for and set good parameters. Right. Especially if you're going to be using sort of like the free version. I don't mind it because again I find the diversity is actually pretty good. I that it does tend to skew a little bit older for women who want older men or older women too. Older partners in general. And it's been around long enough. I actually know quite a few couples in real life who have met through OkCupid. And so that's another one I would say in terms of just like my faves, I would say Hinges would certainly be my number one next for like an older demographic. I would say if you want free OkCupid. So match used to be one of the ones that I really liked. But I find that with the flooding of like free dating apps, Match is not what it used to be in terms of the options available for people. Right. So it's slower, which for some folks is really great. But there's less numbers on Match as well. But I do like it as one of the paid.

I do want to say this really quickly because I think Match in Canada is different than match in the U.S. absolutely. I'm saying that because the numbers of Match in the US are huge, but in Canada are super low. So, again, it depends regionally, because match is number one is number two and OkCupid is number three, because you get everybody under the sun and you are.

Yeah, absolutely. Yeah.

So depends geographically.

Yeah, absolutely. So I would definitely say if you are in Canada, I would not recommend match.com but if you are a Canadian single who likes, let's say you're looking for an American man, Match in the US is excellent. To be quite honest with you, every dating app in the US is better than it is in Canada. Like, there's just more numbers there. So. And mind you not to say that it's perfect. You are still going to meet people who are not there for the same reasons that you're there. But I do find that people who are willing to pay for the service. Right. Are sometimes a little bit more serious, more intentional, or in terms of just like the online dating. So that's what I would say. But again, it is super, super important that you think about where you are regionally. So I know in the uk, Tinder is, like, really, really popular, like, across the uk.

Right.

And so Tinder's like one of the apps that people use here in Toronto, especially if you're a black woman and you're over the age of 30. No, you know, yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know about. So. So that's kind of that. And in terms of just like my absolutely no go zones when it comes to dating apps. I'm sorry, Plenty of fish is the sewer. The sewer of dating apps. It is truly awful, you know, and then I would say also Tinder. So again, that depends on what my clients are looking for. If they just want something, like, really casual, they want an opportunity to date lots of different people. Yeah.

Well, I'm glad that we had that conversation because I get so many questions about that. Yes. People don't know, like, what to do. And I tell them about certain apps. They're like, I've never heard about him.

Yeah, get on it.

Let's figure it out.

You get the. What's the best dating app? And I'm like, there is no best dating app. You've just. Here's the top three. Here's why I think they're good. Go through them. Right. I'm a big fan of trying different ones, like at different time periods. Right. And just kind of seeing where you.

Are, because there is no best dating app. It's how you use it. Just like, if you go to the gym, there's not a best exercise bike or the weight. It's all in how you use it, how you work it.

So, girl, work it.

Oh, my gosh. Okay, so talk to me a little bit about. You have part of your service where you are messaging for your clients, girl. So talk to me a little bit about what that looks like. And like, what sort of messages are your go tos in terms of starting a conversation?

Well, so that particular service is called My Dating Doula. So that's like the full service VIP package that I offer to folks. And it's so funny because I remember when I first introduced it, people were like, aren't you just like a glorified catfish? And I'm like, no, how dare you?

So essentially what I do is like, say you were a client of mine and you wanted the My Dating Doula service. And so what we do is we do like a three hour intake session where I really sit down and I get to know you. So we go through an intake survey. We also do sort of almost like a scoring exercise where I find out, like, what are the things that you're looking for in a partner? And not just like the physical stuff, like the real sort of deep.