Dating As Your Future Self w Gail Keyes Allen

Hello, my loves. Thank you so much for joining me today. I have a very special guest. I have Gail Keys Allen here and she is the fairy godmother of life coaching. I am so honored to have you, Gail. Thank you so much for coming. Can you tell the people. Let's cut that.

Hello, my loves. Thank you so much for joining me today. I have a very special guest with you. She is the fairy godmother of life coaching. She is all the things. Gail Keys Allen, thank you so much for being on the get yout Guy podcast.

Thank you for having me. I'm really excited.

I'm really excited for you to be here too, girl. I can't. Here's the thing. I want to tell my listeners that Gail posted. Gail and I have been Facebook friends and coach friends for a while and she posted this amazing post that I think got a lot of attention and I was like, I need to talk to her more because she is thinking about love, dating, life, relationships with such a broad mind and just there are no limitations for you. And I love that. And I think that you have so much to teach the listeners and just so many people. So first, do you want to introduce yourself and tell the people.

What you are a fairy godmother of? And then we'll talk a little bit about that post.

Yeah. I call myself the Fairy. I'm Gail Keys Allen, as you said. And I call myself the fairy godmother of life coaching because I create magic with my clients and we find their inner bad ass and then I help them go after whatever they desire. And it just so happens that most of my clients either want a business or they want to make more money or they just want to have a better relationship with themselves. I mean. And so I help them do what I say is the impossible. And I bring my magic wand to the. To the call.

I got it right here.

Yes. I got it right here.

Magic wand.

Yes, girl. Yes. And the reason I say it's like magic is because their mindset changes so much that they almost don't recognize themselves. And it happens in a pretty quick amount of time.

Yeah. Yeah. So let's talk about this post that you gave for the world to see. Right. That. First of all, I think it's always really hard to put yourself out there and to be vulnerable. And I think it's the same with dating. And oftentimes when my clients come to me, they have like no presence on social media. They do not want to be seen. They do not. They want to just like hide and play small instead of really put themselves out there. And I feel like you really did that. So do you want to kind of let the listeners know what you did and what the aftermath and response was?

Yeah, I've been practicing just showing up bolder and bigger and just letting the world see the different aspects of me that I would normally have kept private. And so I put a picture of.

Before you go into that. Before you go into that, why did you feel like you needed to do that for yourself at this moment?

Because that's what I help my clients do. And for me, I wanted to go deeper with it for myself. So I have been working on that and showing up more online and in, like, my newsletter and posting and all of that. But I kept it professional, you know.

And I thought that you were given that face.

Yeah, yeah.

And I just decided it's time to give people some shock value, like, to just surprise them, because I think, first of all, I have to say that I'll be 65 in a couple of days, and most people do not.

She didn't look 60, y'. All. I want to let you know, for the people in the audio, she got a mohawk. Skin is flawless. Honey. Everything is on point.

Yes. So I. I just wanted to just. I want to show women what's possible for them, and I want to show women that life does not end at 40, 50, 60, 70, 80, you know, and that they have a lot to look forward to, and there's a lot that they can do, no matter what happened in the past. And so I just felt like by putting myself out there in an honest, bold way, that message would come across. And so I just decided to put a picture of me and my friend, the guy I'm dating, my boo, whatever you want to call him. And I stated on the post that he's 24 years younger than me, and it got a lot of attention.

It took off in ways I could not have even imagined. Like, that whole week, my mind was kind of blown, because, first of all, people see me and him and they think, oh, I'm so happy for you. It's so nice you found love. Well, I didn't say I was in love. I just said that I'm dating him. So it was really interesting to me how people took it and projected their.

Own stuff onto you.

Yes.

Right. Because that's what they do all the time. Right. And I just want to let my listeners know that you need to be very careful about who you are speaking to with regard to your love life, because your friends and your family have their own MO and they're going to project their own BS onto you. Right. If they feel like you need to be pregnant because they want grandchildren and they don't really care about how you're feeling or what you want, that says something. It's very telling. So be aware of that. Go ahead, Gail.

Yeah, so I think that's such an important point. And it was an eye opener for me because I never said I was in love. I never said, you know, this was like, this serious thing. I mean, we're good friends, we love each other, but we're not like, Goo Goo Gaga romantic love. And which I love that because there's respect there. We have a great friendship, but it doesn't always have to be this like, oh, I want to get married kind of love. You know, there's different levels to love. And actually I date other people. He's not interested in dating other people, but I told him I am because we're in different places in our life, and he's still cool with that. So, I mean, to me, this is like a perfect example for asking for what you want. Yeah. And, like, I have made it clear I don't want to get married again. I've been married before. I want to have fun. If I want to date somebody, I'm going to date them. I don't. It's like, I'm going to do me the way I want to do me, and I get to define what that looks like.

And I love that so much because I think some people think, like, I have to date to get married. And that is not the case. You don't have to do anything. You can date just to date. You can date just to talk. You can date just to have sex. You can date just to go out. Right. You could date to have an activity partner to play tennis with, to go to the movies with.

Right.

To try that new Bunch place out or that wine bar. You can just date. You don't. It doesn't have to be a mission. It doesn't have to be a. I have to do this to do that. You can just be present and in the moment.

Oh, yes. So. And that's a level of freedom that I didn't have when I was younger because I didn't realize it. It's like society doesn't give you permission to do that, you know, And I gave myself permission because none of my friends date younger. You know, I don't really have. I mean, they think, oh, that's cute. That's, you know, good. Right? Whatever. But I gave myself permission to do what I want to do, to date who I want to date. And just like you said, it could be sex, it could be friendship. This guy I met a couple years ago, right before I lost my hearing in one ear, like, maybe 10 days before I lost hearing in my. My ear. It was called sudden hearing loss. And he called me every single day and checked on me and encouraged me. He's a good. He's a good guy, you know? And so that's why I said there's a friendship there too. And we really care about each other, but he actually thinks I'm so amazing, he doesn't even care if I date other people because he said he's not going nowhere. So, I mean, we have a lot more power than we realize. And I just want to encourage women to step into their truth and into their power.

Yeah. Thank you so much for sharing that, because I'm always. And I want everyone to know out there that it is about how they show up for you, right? And the good, the bad, and sometimes the ugly moments, right? That is the focus. That's the priority, first and foremost. And then I want you to evaluate if you guys are a good match or not. You could have easily shown up for you, and then afterward, you maybe it wasn't a good match, right? But we got to figure. We got to know that they're showing up for us first and foremost. And the other thing that I want to say is I think sometimes people are walking on eggshells because they think, oh, I don't want to ruin something. I don't want to mess something up. So I'm going to just, like, play in this really small box, but you can't do the wrong thing with the right guy, right? You can't mess it up. You can act a fool, act out, do whatever you want to do.

Right?

It won't ruin it with the right guy. And I think you're a perfect example of that. Okay, well, girl, we got into your personal tea and your personal business a bit, but now I want to get a little bit professional and talk more about what you do and how you help your clients get amazing results. So talk to me a little bit about kind of how you elevate them or level level them up.

Well, I give them permission to pay attention to what they really want and to be what other people might consider selfish, but I give them permission to tap into what they really desire and then honor that and go after it. And so we work on their thoughts about themselves, about Being honest with themselves because so many of us are afraid to speak out loud. What we want.

I think that we think we can't have it. And we. And a lot of times we've been told we can't have it, or we think, oh, it's not. It's not.

Sensible or rational or whatever, you know, everybody wants to. I don't know, it's like we put ourselves in this box of what we can and can't have. And I say, you can have anything you want. Yes, you can have anything you want. But it starts with claiming it. And it's amazing to me, the fire, the magic behind just declaring what you desire. I just see over and over, once you have the courage to declare it, that it's like the universe starts moving in your direction in the direction of what you desire. It's just amazing.

Got. So let's get into this a little bit, right? I know. So just for everyone who is out there, Gail's program is called the Million dollar you program. So, girl, what does that even mean? What does million dollar self. What is that? What is that all about?

What it means to me is that you are. You become your most elevated self, the highest level of who you can be, who you desire to be. Instead of playing small, you know, you. You claim what you want, and then you go for it. Like an example, today I posted that I bought a peloton bike, okay? And it was delivered today, actually. And the old me that was playing small would have said, oh, I don't know if I should spend that much money. I don't know. You know, does it make sense I could maybe go to the gym and not spend? And I even had a friend say, well, you know, there's a monthly charge for that. And I said.

Million dollar thinkers, million dollar earners. People that show up like they're a million dollars don't nickel and dimensions, you know, what they desire, they. They go for what they desire. And then you figure it out.

Yeah.

Figure it out.

I love that. I know when I'm thinking about my own history, right? We used to grow up and everything was about what you got on sale, right? That was like a source of pride, right? Especially, I think, especially in the black community, right? And for us, like my mom and my grandmother, we would go to thrift stores every weekend thinking about the deals that we got. And so in my head, I felt like this was normal.

That, like, oh, I get stuff. I get secondhand stuff. And thrift stores are amazing, and I love them. And I go to Them often.

But I think it gets ingrained in us that because this should be our normal, that we can't strive for something more, greater, more expensive. And we equate those things to our self worth too. Right. So I think you're so on point with that.

Yeah.

Yeah. I started giving myself permission for what I wanted. I hired a stylist, a really expensive stylist. And you know, and I started seeing myself in a different way and other people started seeing me in a different way. And that really helped me to realize that as women and men, like you said, we're conditioned to a certain thing. But I just decided I'm having a photo shoot and it was an expensive photographer and the stylist and got my hair cut and I just invested and poured into me. And when you do that, the way you feel is elevated and that energy allows you to make million dollar decisions. And that's what million dollar you is. And it's not just about money. It's about claiming your time. It's about setting boundaries. You know, it's just about putting yourself first, you know, and when you put yourself first and you really accept that you are worthy of these things, then you become more appealing to men. It's so crazy how that happens.

I try to tell people, I try to tell people all the time. That's it. That is it. You have to be self centered in this love game. You have to. Because if you're not, then the spotlight is on him. And with the spotlight is on him, he's going to respect you less. He's not going to be giving you as much attention. He's going to be ghosting you. He's going to be hot, hot and cold.

Right.

It's about you. And I think that sometimes, to your point about women, right. That we are taught that giving is love. Right. That like helping other people is love. But when you sit on your throne. Right. Thank you, fairy godmother. Right. And you allow everybody to do what they need to do to make sure that you're happy. Queen. That position is where you want to be in love and really in life. Talk to me, fairy godmother.

Well, well, men want to take care of you.

That's true. That's right. They're wired to do so.

Men, yes. They want you to ask for what you want. I'm telling you, they want you to. And so many women, I hear them say, oh, I don't need a man to open my car door. I don't need a man to do this. You might not need him to do it. But why can't you want him to do it right?

Or let. Or allow him to.

Right.

Queen status.

Yes, totally, totally. And I think for the most part men find that way more desirable than when a woman is like, oh, no, no, no. There's nothing wrong with waiting on your man too. I'm not saying that because I get pleasure out of that too. But I like to be spoiled and I allow men to spoil me. Okay?

Spoiled fairy godmother.

Spoiled girl. Spoiled with a T. With a T. Girl, Yes.

I don't have no shame in my game about that. And I've gone out with guys that are like, I just love to take you out to eat because I just love to feed you. Or I love to take you here because you enjoy it so much and you appreciate it. And when you expect it, they rise up to it. That's the thing about it. Because I asked a guy to meet me at a restaurant, it's an expensive restaurant, but that's how I roll. Okay. And I didn't know he didn't roll like that. So we get there and he's like, yeah, well, this isn't the kind of place I would normally go to. But you know what? You're showing me something, you're teaching me something.

Yeah.

Maybe, maybe I should open up to this a little more.

Yeah. And here's the thing, here's the thing. Men want women to up level them right in their heads. They're like the women are the civilized creatures of this earth, right. And they want to become more civilized. So they're going to be looking for women who are going to help them expand themselves. Right. Not just in career, not just in wealth, but also in health. Right. So for you to be able to say, we're not going to eat that trash food, right. We're actually going to eat something healthy. We're going to take care of your body. Right. Those are the value adds in a relationship that so many women can feel if they're understanding that men actually are appreciative of that. Now it's all in how you communicate that.

Right.

That's the key. And that's what I work with my clients on. Okay. So we were talking about Million dollar Self and it really sounds like it's all about kind of tapping into that person. You want to be that future self.

Right.

So how can we start to do that? Right. How can we start to tap into the million dollar self or the future self?

Yeah. The way that I teach my clients is I ask them to look at their desires and then look at where they want to be. Say one year. We start with a year.

Okay.

Who is the woman that you want to be a year from now? What do you, how do you want to dress? Where do you want to be working? How much money do you want to make? Who do you want to be dating? What type of person? And then I ask them to put themselves mentally in that position now and work backwards. So you have to start thinking like that person would think. And some people might say, well, I don't know how they would think. Well, you know, plenty of people that are living or have the personality or attributes that you admire that you would like to be, to be similar to, like, I'll just say Beyonce, because so many people love Beyonce. Yeah, if you look at Beyonce, you say, damn, she's bad. I would love to have more confidence or, you know, a body like that or whatever it is you admire about her. Then start looking at her and, and start listening to the way she, she speaks and how she thinks and the things that she does. And then decision, figure out what. Yes, what can you do that is similar, but it suits, that suits you. Yeah, like, I love Tina Turner. Like Tina Turner is my, like everything. I have, my clients, Yes, I have my clients choose what I call the spiritual board of directors. And so they look at the different aspects that they want to up level. And they say, well, who in finance is someone I admire, who has a relationship that I might admire or who has help, takes care of their self care in a way, or their body in a way that I admire? And then I look and see, well, what do they do and how are they eating, how are they speaking? What kind of people do they hang around with? That's what you do with your future self. You look at where you want to be and then you start just testing some of those things and showing up in that way and thinking in a way that they thinks. And we get to choose how we want to think. We think that our brains just tell us what to think and we should believe it. Now you get to tell your brain what to think and you get to take on those new thoughts. And so if you decide that if you're making 100,000 and you decide you want to double your salary, and then you double your salary and you double your salary by thinking the way someone that makes 200,000 would think, taking the actions that they would take. People think, oh, let me get this degree and another degree and another degree. That's not, that's it has nothing to do with that. It has to do with who are you being, how are you showing up.

Certifying yourself, giving yourself the degree?

Totally. Totally. Yes. And that's how you show up, as the million dollar version of yourself.

I love that. I love that. What I found from what you just said is wwbd, what would Beyonce do? And also finding your C level team, right. Your chief financial officer, your chief marketing officer, your chief health officer. Right. Your chief happiness officer. Right. All of those officers, all of those C level. Your C level team, Right. That you can emulate, think and actually look toward as inspiration for what you want to do. I love that so much. That's so good. Let's talk a little bit, because I try every podcast, I try to.