Dating Coach Anwar Tiktok Live (May 13)

Hello, Hello, Hello.

I hope you all are doing well. I need to find a place to sit this down, honey.

For those of you that don't know me, my name is Anwar White. I am a dating coach for smart and successful women of color. Glad that you're here. I just wanted to come on here. I. My daughter is in gymnastics, and, girl, try not to burn my ass off. Sweet. I'm gonna have to put these windows down a little bit. Do you ever remember waiting in the car for your mom back in the day and, like, roasting your ass off when they used to, like, leave us in the car, or was that just me?

So I'm just gonna be here. I'll probably be here for another, like, 45 minutes or so, and then y' all need to let me know when it is 11, 12, 45 Eastern, so that I can.

Pick my daughter up. Yeah. So if you have any questions as they relate to love, dating, men, relationships, men or women. Girl, we're inclusive here. Put them in the comments.

That I see them.

And what I might do is if you are interested in asking your question live, please let me know and I'll try to add you onto the live and you can ask your questions directly to me. Okay. Okay, let's see what's going on here. Oh, and if there's anything that I say that resonates with you, definitely tap that screen. Double tap, triple tap. Run up those likes, honey, because I'm all about my likes. And then check out the link in my bio. I have a ton of resources for you if you want to learn more about love, dating, relationships, and men. The podcast called the get yout Guy Coaching Podcast. I have free trainings. I also have a Sunday newsletter that comes out every Sunday, so you can sign up for that. If you're interested in traveling with me and a group of other women of color, we're going to Rome this fall. Next spring, we're going to Istanbul to just be adored by these men. Honey, sign up for that as well, because we're doing the damn thing up in here. Okay. All right. Let me see what the girls are talking about. Lisa said, good morning from your car. Yes, girl, good morning.

See what's really going on with the tea.

Elena said, hi, King. I go by King and Queen. Whatever you want. Hello. Good to see you, Elena. Britney said, yeah, I'm. I'm early for once. It's hard to get early this. I just come on here randomly sometimes. So glad. Glad that you're here, girl. Okay. Senna said, your ass Tripping little homie. Well, first of all, I'm 6:2, so I'm probably bigger than you, sweetie. Come through. Random said. Do emotionally unavailable men come back?

Yeah, but you don't want them to. Why do you want an emotionally unavailable man to come back? Because guess what? It's not like suddenly he's going to be emotionally available. So you're going to be dealing with the same. You going to come back because he misses the attention? He's going to come back because he misses, he misses the emotional support that you're probably giving him that he can't give to himself. Yeah. Don't do it, girl. Don't do it. And the gag is, if you've seen any recent videos of Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck, that should be reason enough to not get back with your ex. Girl, they're miserable. Miserable. Be that girl. Okay. Kawil said. Hi, amore. I'm using your guide and I'm loving the strategies. Good. What guide is that, girl? Which guide? I have a lot, girl. I, I share a lot of stuff for free. So it's. I hope. I'm so happy to hear that. It's. It's helping you. Avid reader said, I set boundaries of when guys can text me after 10pm is a no. Is that too strict? No, not at all. Not at all. But I think it's all in how you set the boundary. Right. You can let them know, hey, I'd prefer if you messaged before 10 o' clock so that we can. So I can, so I can get it. Because I'm not really checking my messages after 10pm yeah, we can use certain language I prefer if or I would feel most comfortable with. So many people get upset when they try to set boundaries because they're telling people what to do and trying to tell people about themselves. You're only going to be met with defensiveness when you do that. So that's why I, I purposely try to teach that language because that is going to be the language that is going to be best received so that your boundaries are not going to feel debatable or confrontational but respected. Latoya said, when a man says you feel like home, what does that mean? That means that he feels safe. It means that he feels accepted. It means that he feels gassed up. And when I say gassed, I mean G A S Ackerman. The acronym. He feels good, he feels accepted, and he feels strong.

Okay, Jayla says, what are your thoughts on long distance relationships? Good idea or bad idea? I love long distance relationships. I think that they're great. But guess what? Not every guy that you're going to meet for a long distance relationship is going to be is going to have the skills to actually maintain such a relationship. My first thing, y' all need to be talking every day. Yeah. If it's going to be something that is legit. Every day via text. And at least three phone or FaceTime calls a week. Number one. Number two, he needs to come and see you in the first four to six weeks. If he's not doing that, he's not serious. I had one of my clients lives in nyc this weekend a guy flew to her from Atlanta to have a first date with her. That's the sort of effort that we're looking for. And if they can't do that, within the first four to six weeks, we gotta be out. What we're not gonna do is play pen pal with these fools. In third grade I played pen pals with some school in the Midwest, honey. And we were talking about the spaceships and NASA and stuff like that. And you know what that did, girl? It faded out after a month cuz nobody wanted to continue writing and doing that. So I don't want you to be in that pen pal situation.

Okay? WL law says Atlanta Men's or Baltimore Men's.

Are you asking me to compare the two? Because.

Is there a third option?

Is there a other optional.

Self option? I'm playing around. S Raisi says stuck in a tech situation. How do I get him to ask me out without being aggressive about it? Our job's not to make men do anything. If he hasn't asked you out in one to two weeks, let him go. That's it. We're not making men do anything, girl. Okay.

Kira said. Kira, are we going to be working together? Girl? What's the tea? We met in person. Asked me for my IG but hasn't asked me for my phone number, but makes comments about seeing me. All talk, no action.

How do I tell him I'm not being. I'm not interested in being a pen pal. You don't you step away. Chrissy, good to see you, girl. When are we gonna be working together so I can help you get your guy? She said. Oh, our fave on a Saturday. I love it. Yes. Girl. I'm waiting for my daughter to get out of gymnastics. Like I told you all, I am a suburban mother at three. So the weekends. Last night I took the. Took the sun to fencing today. Earlier we did ballet and tap with the youngest and now we're in gymnastics.

A said how to be emotionally available. Lots of deep work, girl. That's what I do in my program. Because guess what? Most women of color are not going to be fully emotionally available because you have been taught to be stoic. Y' all have been taught to be. And this is obviously a generalization. If it doesn't hit you, if it doesn't resonate with you, don't try to come for me in the comments. Please note, in doing this work for 13 years, what I have seen is that many women of color are taught to be stoic and to be numb and not to be connected with their emotions. And so it's really hard to be emotionally available when you spent all of your life actually learning how to do things one way. My program is about teaching you how to be emotionally available and vulnerable so that you can deeply connect with men so that they can feel safe and strong and accepted. Because many of you all are not doing that and leading with your head and your intellect. And you're becoming more of a business colleague with these men and less of a girlfriend. So he's going to categorize you as such.

Are you spiritual? Very much so. Very much so. I'm very much. I. I've manifested everything in my life. I am a gay man, very successful, with three children and a partner. Girl, it ain't me, girl, it's the spirits. It's my ancestors that have protected over me every single day. I know that. I know that they're with me. When I see birds around me, they come to me quite often. I listen to the messages that are given to me. And a lot of the work that I do is from. Obviously, I've done this for 13 years. So it's a lot of hard data, statistics, and also just experience. But some of the work that I do is also intuition. Like when a woman comes to me and says, hey, this is this. Is this what's happening? Sometimes it's like, hey, this is what's going on. This is what I've seen in the past. But here's what I think that you need to do and why. Okay, so a lot of things come from a very spiritual place. I grew up in the church until I was 15 years old, until I went to boarding school. So, yeah, that's. That's my foundation.

Azalea Marie said opinion on dating non black men for a better experience. So I'm not of the mindset that it's going to be a better or a worse experience. My. My thought about this is That I think it's. I think we date everybody and we see who is the best. Girl. It's the Hunger Games out here. We put all of the men there and we see who wins. If you focus on just black men, girl, you're eliminating off the bat 87% of the men out there. So that when you tell me it's really hard to find your guy, I get it. Because you've already eliminated five out of the six guys that are potentially for you. And forget what you heard, girl. These non black men are checking for you. They are. They are. You just gotta approach it a different way. I'm gonna do a video about how to engage with non black men in real life because y' all don't know what. What the T is. Kaweel said, it's the GYG coaching program. Okay, girl, what. What's your name, girl? I. I'm not familiar with the profile name. If you're one of my clients, I want to know. Elena said, I live in Miami and just deleted hinge. I feel stuck, girl. Don't feel stuck, girl. Depending on your age, you should probably be on Match.

You can be on coffee meets Bagel or OkCupid.

Let me see. I'm usually on my.

Ipad, so I'm on my phone now, so it's a little bit smaller. So I'm.

Have to scroll a little bit more.

Oh, my gosh, I'm still scrolling. Y'. All. Y', all. Are.

Y' all acting a pull up in here? What's the tt? Okay, Khadijah said, what if the guy keeps talking about another woman? Then you set the boundary and you let him know, hey, when you're talking about other women, it actually makes me feel uncomfortable. I prefer if we just get to know each other and see how he responds to that.

Rose said, I live in Charlotte and dating is tough, including online dating. Any tips? It's hard for me to give general tips about dating in Charlotte without knowing who you are, because guess what? Everyone's gonna have their own personal dating journey. And it's about your lived experiences and the stuff that you need to heal and how you get to show up differently in dating.

Colby said, why do men always comment on how attractive I am but never approach me?

Good question.

It could be a variety of different reasons. It's not one major reason some men might be intimidated by your beauty. Men are very sensitive about rejection. And guess what? Men are rejected 90% of the time. Yeah. So it might be that he might believe that you are above his pay grade, which happens quite a bit also when we're outside. Right. If we're engaging, we might be giving a vibe that is I'm not approachable or I don't like to talk to people. Right.

If you have a stank face. Sometimes I have a stank face. People don't want to approach you.

Kawil said, I used I'd be more comfortable if we talked via phone before meeting in person. It felt good. Good, girl. I love it. Jada said. And where's outside today? Ciao. Hey, coach. Hey, girl. Good to see you. Good to see you. Yes, girl. We're getting gymnastics together for the for the oldest daughter, Dame P. Said. Friends with benefits for five years. We both date others. Why would they come? Keep coming back. Told them we're placeholders. Coming back because it's easy, because it's comfortable, because there's no emotional responsibility. Yeah. Do you want friends with benefits with someone or do you want a full fledged exclusive, committed relationship? That's the question that I have for you, girl. Delilah, thank you so much for the 13 finger hearts. Amazing. Thank you so much for the almost 4000 likes, y'. All. I appreciate it. Weekends with Dre Said. I love this good courting. Coach said, how can you not talk to your spouse every day? Girl, I don't know. I couldn't do it, girl. I freak out because of my abandonment issues when my when my man is not home by 6pm so don't talk to me about how can you not talk to your spouse every day? Girl, I don't know. I couldn't do it. I couldn't be the one. Shell's Niecy said. Shell's niece thank you so much for the rose.

Lady Amanda. Thank you so much for the rose.

I am Free Said. When a man approaches you at the gym and initiates small talk, it's best to let him ask for my number. Yes, Totally. Yes. Be open, receptive to it. Have fun, flirt. Should you have offered your number? No, no, girl. If he wants it, he'll ask for it. But here's the thing. The gag is that people are not trying to get somebody's number the first go around, especially in a gym setting. Make sure that you go to the gym at the same time, the same place, same day next week. See if he's there. It's about the slow burn now. He'll probably ask for your number in the second or third time.

Aquarius said. If I like a man's profile online, how should I approach? By telling him that I like your profile.

I'd see what he says about that.

Lady Amanda said, I'm going on an NYC singles mixer tonight at 8:36-49. Keep your tips in Keeping your tips in my yes girl. But also have fun and act, act, act out. Really just be free and be light and easy.

Black Spatula said, a man hasn't found me but girl are you, are you available to be found? That's my question because so many of us are talking mad shit. But girl you work and then you come home and you watch HBO or Netflix and you eat. You order in and you eat ice cream afterward and I'm not coming for you because that was me girl. And then you're mad because you're not. You don't got a man, girl, are you.

Being seen to be found? And also what is this passivity? Girl, we don't have to wait to be found in 2023. You have to create your love life. You cannot wait on it. So my question back to you girl is are you creating your love life? Are you just waiting for.

Shel's Niecy said, working on me so I'll be ready to work with you this year. I know that's right girl. Here's the tea on this girl. So many women say oh I need to get my shit together. Oh girl I'm a mess. I need to get my life together. Girl you can get your life together and date at the same time that actually dating. This is what I know and this is what I do with my program. We date but we also do the internal work at the same time and an extra accelerates the healing right? Because guess what, there's a lot of stuff that's going to come up for you when you are dating and that's the stuff that we need to heal. Dating is so intimate and so personal like parenting that it brings up all your and when your is like on the surface we can actually heal it. That's why I'm a dating coach. People call me a life coach too.

Beach Waves says went out on two dates. He says he likes me and is interested. But now conversation has stopped. Let it and engage with other men. We cannot be hyper focused on one man. It's his job to make it happen. If he doesn't want to make it happen then there's nothing to be had. Jasmine said, Is it realistic to want an initial connection or vibe when first meeting someone? Yes, it's totally realistic but I just don't think that we should be weighing whether a guy is going to be good for us or not based on an initial quote unquote connection. Because here's the thing, girl. A toxic, narcissistic guy knows how to connect with anybody. So your connection with him is going to feel amazing. But he can do that with anybody. It doesn't mean that it's real, doesn't mean he's going to be a great guy for you. So, yes, we can want that, but it doesn't mean that we have to hang our dating, put our dating eggs in that basket and think that it's everything.

Brown women stay in the house. How do we get out and make friends? I'm going to do a podcast episode about this because I have a lot of women asking me and there is amazing friend coach. I think her name is Danielle. I'm going to try to get her on my podcast so we can talk about this in a really in depth way.

Sydney says, I. I feel like I keep attracting guys who basically use me as a therapist. The. The true tea girl is that you're allowing them to do this, that your boundaries are not in place and you get to say, hey, that sounds really heavy and I'm sorry that you're going through that, but I think that it might be helpful for you to get a professional. Boom. But you told him, I'm not here for this. I'm here to be courted. Yeah. Don't allow these men to do it, girl. Ma just said, how can I book a call? Go to the link in my bio and click on the button that says book a consultation call with Coach Anwar. I'm very busy right now. I think I have eight consultations today, another eight tomorrow, another eight or 10 on Monday. I've gone somewhat viral talking about the best and worst cities for women of color to date in. And so super busy. I think my next opening for a call will be on Wednesday. So definitely book.

Book then.

Dating advice for trans women. Well, thank you so much for asking, Michelle. I just acquired. I work with all women, whether you are LGBTQ.

Or S. For straight.

Dating advice for trans women. Date a lot online. Put the fact that you are trans in at least five places in your profile. Have a phone date with them before you ever see them. Let them know that you are trans on that phone call because people are so sometimes dense and they don't get that you're trans. So it has to be super clear here.

Make sure that you're doing that. Make sure that you're not being hidden. And so that when you see him, make sure that he's taking you out and around date two or date three, you want to try to hold his hand or give him a hug or do something where there is PDA in the public. That will be the real true test. And you want to do this on date two or date three. That is the true test of if this man can hang with your transness girl.

Yanny said, we met on Snapchat through a friend. Only talked for two weeks, but then we stopped. Now what? Nothing. There's absolutely nothing. We move on to the next guy. Mindy T. Said, I'm in med school right now. I do not have time to date. Is it okay to wait till after school? Yeah, girl, do it. You know what the, the gag is? So many of my clients have dated guys in med school. It never works out because they never have time for, for them. So yeah, the gag is that probably you're gonna give like a Grey's Anatomy and probably date some guy in your med school. Do that. Focus on that girl so you guys can do the do hang out and then study afterwards.

Joyce said. Any advice for a 35 year old late bloomer? Well, the gag is that girl, most of us, if you're a woman of color, you're going to be a late bloomer because many of us, we're not conditioned or we're not allowed to date. So many of us started really truly dating in college. So please know that you're not alone. And if you, any woman that's out here, that's a late bloomer girl, put late bloomer in there so that we know, so our sister Joy Love knows that we are not, she's not alone here.

Advice for a late bloomer date, get experience. And if you need to learn how to do this girl, definitely book a call with me and get into one of my programs so that you know how to date strategically and effectively and efficiently so you don't have to go through the trials and tribulations that many, many of the early bloomers had to in their 20s. We get to level up and not go through that BS as a late bloomer. And I actually think that that's a, that is a, that's a value add, right? You're much wiser and you get to learn how to do it a bit differently. Lisa said. So if he's not asking you out, should you just block or have a conversation prior to blocking? No, we never block men without a, without an explanation. Just let them know, hey, I'm really looking to date intentionally and I'm not really feeling a connection right now given the fact that we haven't really been on a date. So I want to wish you the best of luck and then go about your business.

Aisha said 25 tall AF sick of people being intimidated by me. But I don't want it in my light. What do I do? Wear heels every day? Guess what? I have a lot of women that are 5, 10, 5, 11, 6ft tall. We put it in the profile so that these guys know what the hell is going on. And we don't dim our light. We don't get small. There are men out there that are gonna say, I love the fact that you are a tall goddess, girl. We don't wanna. And in the pictures that you take, don't do this, girl. As Tyra would say, Jocelyn from antm give neck. Stand up straight and tall. Be confident in your height. Your confidence is or your energy around your height is actually emitting to a lot of these men. So girl, own it, love it. Don't be sick and tired of men being intimidated. Understand and know that those guys are not for you. Know that your height is a blessing and it actually is filtering out a lot of men that are not going to be for you. It.

Scrolling, y'. All. I'm scrolling, I'm scrolling, I'm scrolling trying to find where I left off.

Guess I have to scroll to the top because y' all acting a fool today and have a lot to say, which I love. Girl. You know I love it or I wouldn't come back every day. Can y' all let me know when it's 11:45? I cannot be late, girl. It's a. It's a trigger for me. My mom was always late picking me up and like I played a lot of basketball and tennis and just anything. She was always late. So I tried to that parent that is like never relationship of their lives by becoming the best women.

Oops.

Oh, I think we had a connection issue. But I'm back, y'. All. I was just saying I'm not a matchmaker. I actually think that women are the best matchmakers for themselves. I'm a dating coach. I help women to date and to get into the best relationship of their lives.

Back Spatula said. What were those sites?

Coffee meets, Bagel Match.

OkCupid. And if those don't work, you may want to get into Bumble as well. But Bumble is secondary.

Rooney says, what do you think of hiring a professional matchmaker? Does it lead to higher quality men?

Most women come to me. Some women Come to me because they did a matchmaker and it doesn't really work out for them, especially if you're a woman of color. They don't know how to match for you unless they are of color. Yeah. So.

I think the success rate is 5%. I wouldn't do it. The other thing, the other reason why I wouldn't do it is because, girl, if you still have your work to do, it doesn't matter if they find you the best guys for you. If you still a judgmental girl, you still have work to do, right? If you still can't connect, if you still can't set boundaries or be vulnerable, that shit's gonna create the disconnection in your relationship.

Kimberly said, what should you do if he messed? If you messed up and he blocked you, move on. Move on. Don't try to make it happen. It's lost, it's gone. Move on. Learn from it. What did Tyrus say? Learn from this.

Lila said, you are such a great coach. Thank you for your videos. You're so welcome.

Simba said, if I may ask, are you single? No, girl, I'm married with three children, sweetie, I'm taken. Like, girl, real taken, real bad. Angeline said, tap, tap, tap in. Yes. MP said, hey, girl. Hey, girl.

Jess said, how should I put myself out there more? Should I post more on selfies on social media? No, girl, you get on, start online dating and like, do two to three things every week where you're outside of the house. Tinker Bell says, love your advice. Thank you. She says, I work with a guy that I felt a vibe with, but he never acted upon it. You're going to have to take him away from the professional setting because he doesn't want to be a per. So one of these days he's going, you, you're going to need to say, oh, my God, we should get coffee sometime and catch up. Go get coffee outside of the building or wherever you work. Then you can start talking about more personal things.

Lila or Lila said, do you coach clients in the uk? Yeah, I coach women all around the world. I have clients in Europe, in France and the UK and Mexico and Canada and the US I have clients in Singapore, Korea. I have a couple clients in Dubai, about to have a client in South Africa.

All around the world, girl.

Pxo, what do you think is the most important element in maintaining a relationship? Communication and.

Like self awareness. The other thing I would say is empathy. Right.

There's a huge transition and this is what I tell my relationship clients. So 85 90% of my clients in my dating program get their guy. And so I have a secondary program. It's a relationship program that helps them, you know, hit those other milestones. Right. Move in, get engaged, get married. Oops.

Sorry, girl. I got that 20 battery and they said.

Unstable connection. I was just saying you have to think about the me, the we, and the he. Yeah, yeah. And that has to be part of your decision making process in the relationship. It can't just be about me anymore.

Avid seeker. Hi, girl, Good to see you.

Linnell Bryson, thank you so much for the rose.

Miss Cali Maria Said, what do you mean by creating your love life? I'm going to do a video about this next week to explain it a little bit more because I get that question quite a bit. But it means being very strategic and intentional about what you're gonna do, how you're gonna do it and what kind of man you want to get what you like and what you don't like.

Kira said, amor is so smart. Thank you, girl. Gemini Sweet said, hi, honey. Speak it, girl. I'm trying to let them. I'm trying to let the girls know.

Sincerely, Chrissy, thank you so much for the rose. Girl.

Is Magic a dating app? Yes, if you're 30 years old or older.

Ms. Jackson Talk said, I took your advice and now I'm dating an Egyptian man. Yes, girl, walk like an Egyptian.

Erica Said, I just moved to la. I'm feeling really rejected. Should I slow down on dating apps to heal? Not necessarily. But I do think for LA, you need to put your radius real wide, like 200 miles per hour or 200 miles radius. Girl, you gotta be. You gotta be hitting it from Orange county to.

Hold on.

Sorry, girl, I just had to check the time. Girl, I can't be late.

Put that radius high for la.

Karin Said, do you think our consultation call would work if English isn't my first language? Probably. Girl, I speak six languages with.

Speaks to Deutsche.

Girl.

Come with it.

Linnell Said, I'm almost ready to work with you if you'll have me tying up loose ends. Yes, girl, if you ready. I'm ready. Let's do it.

Miss Mad Madam said, avoid love bombing and identifying love bombing.

Yes.

Love bombing happens.