Dating Q&A - 01-03-25

Hello, hello. Hello, everyone.

Hello, hello, hello. Welcome, welcome, welcome. I hope we're doing well. What's the tea, honey? What's really going on? Where my girl's at? From the front to back.

Hello. Hello, Violet. Hello.

Hello, my loves. What's the tea? Someone said, I haven't seen you in forever. Well, honey, I had to take half of December off. That's my holiday time. That's my family time. But I needed to come back on here and let the girls know who's really the Dom, because some of these other dating coaches out here are trying to tell you some tea.

That'S not really going on. Yes, honey, the Kathleen said the super bowl is officially here. It sure is. And the girls are dating.

Happy New Year, my loves. How are we doing? What is. Quick question. What is your word for 2025?

Put it in the comments.

What is your word for 2025? You. You need to have a word for 2025. Your dating word. Love. Patience. Joy. Possibilities. Abundance. Intentionality. Routine. Intentionality. In love. Intentional. Gratitude. Harmony. Intention. Lots of intention here. Discipline. Prosperity. Upgrade. Intention. Yes, honey. Resilience. Harmony. Discernment. Self. Trust. Focus. Boundaries. Confirmation. Engaged. Unapologetic. Boundari. Fun. Balance. Peace. Audacity. Yes.

Someone's word said better. Yes. Oh, my God. Y' all are giving me the life that I need and that I deserve. Intentional. Flourish. Optimism. Resilience. Value. Loyalty. Okay, if y' all have a journal, you need to write this and, like, on the COVID of your journal, okay? Please, whatever you do. Someone said wife. I know that's right. Loyalty. Accountability. I love it. Preparation. Married. I love this for you all. Now, for those of you that don't know me, my name is Coach Anwar. I am a dating coach for black and brown women. I help women get into the best relationship of their lives, heal their hearts, and date with strategy. And so if that's something that's of interest to you, you should definitely keep on listening. Yeah.

So what do I do here on these chats? What I do is I actually answer your questions.

Questions about love, dating, relationships. Men or women, I don't care, girl. I just want you to get the love that you deserve. I want to get. I want you to have the love that you need and that you want.

Okay?

That's what it is at the end of the day. So you got questions, put them in the chat. I'm gonna answer them in the order that I see them. Okay? Now don't get mad if I miss your question, because I want to let you know I'm Gonna have thousands of people up in here, honey. And there's thousands of you versus a little of me. And I'm a little something, honey. Little honey, honey. These men used to snatch me up in a second.

Yes, honey. So with that said, let's start putting these questions in here so that we can get it in and let it have. Honey, I'm ready. I'm ready to help as much as I can. Okay? Easy said. You have a man? Yes, honey, I have. I don't just have a man. I have a husband. And I have three children. I'm married with children, honey. And what? Yeah, honey, some. Some. Someone today who used to be on TV slid into my DMs, talking about, are you in Atlanta and are you single?

Honey, why do these men do this? Why do they go into the DMs? Bold as all hell, sweetie. I am a suburban mother of three.

I'm a white woman. I can't be talking to men in dms.

What in the world, girl? I drink kombucha.

Get out of my dms.

Okay?

I'm a lady. Ladies don't talk via dm.

Come on now.

White.

Honey. These men are bold.

Girl. Bold as all hell.

I'm like, what in the world? Yes, the position is filled.

Okay, let me see what y' all are talking about. Don't mind me, girl. I just act a fool because I can.

Some of these others grow up. Some of these other girls could never.

Yes, honey. Soccer practice, ballet.

Not in the dm.

Girl.

Are we getting a book this year? Girl, my book is written. I am having conversations with book agents now. I'm not. And this is no shade. I'm not doing the self publishing route. I'm going to be with a top five publisher, and I am. It's going to be a book tour and everything. And, you know, sometimes it takes a little bit of time.

Okay, do you guys need to buy drinks if you're out and about? Yes.

I'm parched.

That's what we need to give, girl, when we're out and about.

Yeah. Okay, let me see what y' all are talking about.

Thoughts on Facebook dating. I've been hearing some more positive things about it, but I'm not completely sold yet. Give me three to six months. I need. I need more data points before I can actually recommend it.

Depression said, book tour your ass to Cali, please. Bay Area, please. Well, I do have a speaking engagement in three weeks in California, and then I'm doing a podcast in Denver in early February. And then I'm going to be in New York in late February, early March for a film documentary. So I'm going to be all over the place. Ladies. Okay, so don't mind me, honey.

Don't mind me.

Her said, what does it mean if he gives out your ig to another man? It means that he wants a poly. A poly online relationship with you and another man. Girl. No, I don't know, girl. I don't care, girl. Who cares? Like if. If he not making it happen.

He don't. He didn't. He didn't want it, honey.

Yeah. Let's move on to the next.

Okay, let me see what's going on here. The coolest to ever do it says what to do when you're dealing with someone with Ed. Well, one, we need to be patient, right? Because sometimes we've got to figure out, like when you're in a relationship with someone and you're intimate with them, it's gonna take a couple of.

You know, go around rounds, sessions to get used to, you know, everybody's body. At the end of the day, whatever you do, don't talk about it. Don't. Don't want to have a sit down conversation. Talking about.

Hey, everything okay down there? Yeah. Someone said, Ed equals. You got to put some extra honey packets in there, girl. Got to make it happen.

Patience.

Patience.

Sometimes just takes a little bit of time to. You know, when it's like winter for the girls in the Northeast and Midwest and you go outside and you start your car and it needs a little bit of time to warm it up. Chris. I'm about to. That's sometimes what we need here. Yeah.

Someone said olive oil is good for ed. Oh, girl.

Someone said. Thoughts on nose rings? Nose rings always gave me bite. Bisexual. Bisexual.

As they say it in Italian.

I always say if a man likes to put holes in his body, he. He just likes holes. Doesn't care who it's from.

So. Nose ring. Bye.

Girl. Nose rings. By.

Someone said, I meant for women, girl. Bye. Gives bisexuality. I don't care who it's in.

Okay. Y' all gonna get me to start up. Y' all gonna get me start up, and then you're gonna get me canceled.

Just like Vibe magazine, girl. Canceled.

Okay.

Said I am doing therapy now. I want to start dating. Can I book you? Of course. Please. I would say a third of my clients actually are working with a therapist right now as well. Yeah. So please do that. And also just for those that if there's anything that I'm saying that actually, like Resonates with you. Don't like tap the screen. Double tap, triple tap. Put the hearts in there, girl. Put them in there. Okay. Ace it. How should women make moves on men in real life? So, number one, whatever you do, don't, like, walk across the room and approach a man that's giving pimp tea.

You want to position yourself, okay? You want to position yourself in a way where you're seen or that you're next to a person. Don't be afraid to talk about.

Don't be afraid to open your mouth and say something first. Now, I don't want you saying things like, hey, baby.

Right?

What are my recommendations? What were my go to's when I was out in these streets? Scrawl. I would always give a man a compliment. Oh, my God, I love your shirt. Where did you get it from? I love those shoes. I need to get some for my brother.

Or you can ask them for help. Hey, can you get me a glass of water? I'm parched. Or you can ask for a recommendation.

Oh, my God. What drink do you usually get here? This is my first time and I want to make sure that I'm getting the best drink possible. So what's your recommendation for me? Now, don't get me anything that's going to get me all wasted and tipsy because I'm a lightweight. I don't drink the hard stuff.

Get the tongue, get the energy, get the lightness.

So use one of those start conversations because these men are dying for you to talk to them. These men are lonely girls. Lonely girl. They're there when they go. They go to work and then they come home and they're in their cave.

They need somebody to talk to. Okay. They're waiting for it, girl.

Okay. Okay.

Hey, Daisy said I need to have you on my earpiece while dating. Nah, girl, you just need to get into my program. So you know what the tea is? Do you know why, like, you, you. You just need to talk to a lot of different guys to practice, right? Here's the. Here's the trick that y' all aren't privy to.

You got, when you're online, you are swiping for your husband. And I think it's going to be important for you to swipe just to practice dating and talking to men, right? So if you have the mentality like, oh, my God, this can be my husband, then dating is going to feel like do or die. And every time he's not your husband, you're going to feel like you're going to die. Girl, talk to all these guys. Use them as practice. There's a reason why, girl, this mouth and more race than what gets what it wants. It's well practiced. And it is because I've practiced and I want y' all to as well. I always hear a lot of women talking about, oh, my God, when there's a hot guy around. I don't know what to say, girl. I have my head down, my eyes, you know, can't look at them in the eyes, girl. It's giving 1920s. Like I can't look at the white man, right? Like no, girl, practice with all men so that when you're so in practice of talking with men and having that confidence, doesn't matter whether he's hot or cold, you can talk to all of them because they're all the same to you. Because when you're talking to men, it's about you, it's not about them. Right? A lot of women are making dating about them.

Girl.

Pedestal tea. And for the Christian girls out there, if you make them, if you center a man, it is like making him an idol. And you shall have no idols before the Lord, right? Okay. I had to talk to some of my Christian girls because, you know, they listen to me, but they know I'm a mess. So they. I had to give them some of that. Some of that tea because I grew up in the church too, honey.

So, you know.

Trying to help everybody.

Elbow. Get down. I'll bog my cross down.

Okay. Someone said they need to give you a show, girl. We're working on it. We're working on it.

We are working on it, sweetie. Yes, we'll be there. We'll start maybe start filming this year. Maybe out next year, girl. But you'll see me. I'm going to be helping black women find love on tv. Trust. Yeah. Okay, let me see what the questions are. Want a guy who makes me priority but super passionate. I want that for you as well. Growing mood board says Anwar. How do we deal with mixed signals? You don't.

You don't. Mixed signals.

Mean no signals. Know when you were growing up and you had the antennas on your tv and honey, sometimes, like, sometimes it was giving you like snow tea. When a guy gives you mixed signals, it's the same as having that snow shit on your tv.

Can't do anything with it. You're gone, it's over, show's done. It means you gotta go outside and play.

Same with these men, you hear me?

Okay. Someone said talk to them even if you're not remotely attracted 100%. That's actually going to make it easier for you to practice your vulnerability, practice your boundaries, practice your flirting and banter, because no shade. Many, y' all need to learn how to flirt and to banter.

Many, y' all are sticking sticks in the mud. Let me. If you're a stick in the mud, let me know in the chat. I'm a stick in the mud. I don't know how to flirt. I don't know how to banter. And we're all family here, so, girl, it's no shade. Yeah. Yes, honey. Practice makes perfect.

Bridget said, There. There's this cute white guy. Should I approach him? Yes. Honey, these white men are not going to approach you. They really acting like it's 1920.

You're gonna have to approach some white men. Yeah, yeah.

Tip on the white guys. If he has glasses, he's probably into you. I don't know what it is, but all these. All my. All my clients that are getting with white guys, girl, they got glasses. Maybe they need those glasses to see who you truly are, girl. But these white men with glasses, girl, I just want you to know that if they got glasses, they into you.

Hello. Hello.

Okay, because you know y'. All.

Y' all already know.

Brie said, omg so true. Dating two guys with glasses, girl, they got glasses, girl, they into you.

Clock that.

Kyra said, glasses. White men are giving Clark Kent, and I'm here for Superman. Yes, honey, Darius said, he's right. My white co worker has glasses. He's always flirting. Girl, these white men with glasses, girl.

I don't know what it is.

Astigmatism, glaucoma? Black coma, honey. They see a black woman, they go into a coma.

Honey. So when you see a white man with glasses, girl, you already know he's into you. Let's go make it happen. Make it work.

Wendy said, interracial dating. What's your take? Oh, girl, you must be new here. Girl.

You must be hella new, girl. Hella new.

Girl. I'm all about it. I'm all about you finding the love that you deserve. I don't care what package it comes in. At the end of the day, a lot of. A lot of these black men hate me. And they think that I'm trying to.

I guess, stop the black race. I don't know. But, girl, date everybody. See who treats you the best.

Yeah.

Precious said, my issue is the drug dealers. Shaking my head. They won't leave me alone. Girl, why are you in places where drug dealers are.

Come on now. What are we doing?

Gabby said, you're doing the Lord's work. Thank you, girl.

Said, a white man will respond to a green light if he likes you 100%. And that's why you got to figure out if he likes you or not. You got to talk to him. These white men are not going to flirt with you like black and brown men will. They're not as assertive. They flirt differently.

I want y' all to know that a lot of these guys are checking for you.

They're checking for you and you don't even know it. They cuz your eye.

Is only for black man.

Please understand that these guys are checking for you.

Yeah.

Okay. Mom. And Ava said, what ab would you recommend? So it's really, it really depends on who you are as a person. And this is why, like I look at my clients profiles and I say, okay, this depends on your age. It depends on your size, it depends on your location, it depends on your personality. It depends on your hue sometimes. There's a lot, a lot going on here. Yeah.

So.

One of the things that we do with our clients.

K. Kane said, could you please touch on men who like to go and backdoor? What, what do you want me to say about it? Girl? I already told y' all these guys are gay. Like, I don't know.

Girl. These, these guys like. But.

They love butt. I call them butt heads. Be with some butt heads, girl. But butt. But, but, but they're like butts, girl. They're like butts and they cannot lie.

What do you mean? What do I. What do I have to think about it?

T Said I was telling my best friend that after meeting you at Afro Tech, I was elated. Oh, thank you so much, T.

When is a good time to get on the apps? Now? Now. Now. First two to three weeks of January are the super bowl of online dating. So you want to get on it?

Nikesha said, amar, we love you. Thank you, girl. Love you too.

Do Asian men like black and or Hispanic girls?

Asian men love black and Hispanic girls, but their families don't.

Candles said, I met a man that wanted to be peg, but swore.

Swore he was straight.

Yeah.

Head straight on the bed, ass all the way up.

Look, I'm not going to talk a lot of shit about these gay guys.

Because I'm gay myself, girl. Can't be talking about my people.

Okay.

Someone said, what ethnicities are attracted to light skinned women besides DS men? Darker skinned men, I think that is. Well, I will tell you who's not attracted to Lighter skinned women. And that's white men.

They're not into it. My experience, they're into darker skinned women, lighter skinned women, black guys, brown guys. That's it. HB Said, really enjoyed your podcast. Thank you so much. The name of my podcast is get your guy coaching. I did a podcast episode.

Last week. It was about some, some rants that I've done in 2024. I hope that it is helpful for you all.

So let's see.

Pretty girl said, why can't I purchase a badge to show my appreciation on ignorance? Cuz I don't do the badge stuff, girl. Keep the coins, girl. I'm, I'm into dolla dollar bills, y'. All.

Girl, I don't, I don't do the bad stuff, girl. I, I, to be honest with you, I really do try to.

Be as generous as possible with what I know. Right. And, and share what I know and, and come on here on live and you know, share with you all what it would look like to potentially work with.

And you know, I am compensated through the women that join my program. Yeah, this stuff is free. It's a sliver of what you get in my program. But I like helping at the end of the day. And let's keep it real. There are some women that are in this live that will join my program. So I think it's a win win.

Sasha Said, why are light skins so damn sassy? Because they have had a very privileged life and they get to. And they get to be sassy. Right. Meaning that a lot of light skinned men have a lot of similarities with white women. There's audacity and privilege there. Right. And so that's why.

They have been put in like on a pedestal in many of our communities and have gotten a lot of what they want. And so.

That'S why.

Dark Light said, Amber, what do you think of a straight man who says chow.

Chow?

That's what I say. I, well actually I don't even say that.

Yeah. Okay, let me see what y' all are talking about.

Becoming. Farasha Said, can you give tips on dating and being a single mom? I don't tell them I'm a mom until day four. Tell them you're a mom earlier.

Date four is way too late and it feels very like you're hiding people.

People being your kids. I would not introduce a guy to the thing about children. I wouldn't introduce your children to a guy until after you're in an exclusive relationship with him.

Yeah, these men need to be well vetted.

Well Vetted.

I will tell you one of the highest predictors of sexual abuse in the home is a sex step parent.

So.

It is going to be very, very important for you to vet him and actually have friends and family vet him before you meet. Before he meets the children.

Yeah. Okay, good.

Precious said you were. You were right about the thumb thing. I wish I had seen your video before dating this guy. Girl, check the thumb if you want to know that. D size. Girl.

Y' all think I'm playing games here. I'm really trying to put y' all on.

Really trying to put y' all on that. If that thing is curved, then he packing. Girl, if you got to measure it from the tip of the thumb to the wrist bone, that's what it gives.

Okay, someone's saying that the girls want to talk about limerence, which is.

Really. Basically, it's a white word for being sprung.

Here's the gag. Here's why. Limerence, or being sprung on someone.

It can be actually a bit more intense for black women.

And it is this couple of things. One, when you're not as experienced dating, right, Then the feelings about, like, engaging with guys in this way can feel much more intense because we don't have the experience of managing and controlling our hormones, our emotions, and the effect that those emotions have on our brains. Okay? That's number one. So it's experience. And then two, many of us, and I say this with love and respect, are.

Emotionally stunted. And so because of that, we actually don't understand the depths of all of our emotions. So what do I mean that by that? When you're growing up, what happens is you're not able to fully express your feelings and emotions. And when you're not able to do that, you will learn that you, like, you shouldn't even feel them. Right.

You know that saying, stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about? So what happens is that when you're upset, it will come up and then you'll push it down and you'll keep it moving. Right? What happens in love and when you're. When you get sprung is you can't push that feeling down. So now you're out of control and you don't know what to do with it.

Yeah.

That is the issue. And so what happens. What happens in those moments is.

Girl, you lost your mind.

It's another reason why I say, girl, you definitely don't want to be having. Being intimate with these guys before exclusivity, because that is literally going to stigmatize you. Even more then you'll be completely out of control and won't have any critical reasoning skills.

Yeah. So I hope that's helpful around this because you know.

Limerance, Memerance, girl, y' all know when people are sprung. You know when they're dick, girl, no shade.

Okay? Amina said, Anwar, he is super kind, gentle, seems like a great father, but no good job or ambition. Is it a buy?

What's the plan? Right now it's a buy. And respectfully speaking, if he doesn't have a good job and if he doesn't have ambition, then it is actually going to be very hard to be a great father.

Because if he doesn't have a great job, he cannot completely and fully provide for his family and his children.

Okay? I don't care. I don't care how nice he is. What did Cheryl Lee Ralph say in Sister Act 2? Nice doesn't put food on the table.

Nice doesn't pay the bills.

Just like singing.

Okay.

So.

Let it go. Why don't you like Raya? Cuz Raya doesn't do anything for the black girls and Raya is full. It's like dating in Hollywood, girl dating in la. Everybody's trying to be somebody.

Yeah. So that's what I would say.

Lisia said, thoughts on guys flying you out for vacation? Are you in an exclusive relationship with him?

Because if he's just flying you out, girl, you're an Amazon package.

Yeah.

I wouldn't do it. Especially if you are not not in a relationship with him.

So that's the question that I have for you.

Queen of TV said, how do you feel about people who want to wait until marriage to be intimate? Girl, do what you need, grow what you Girl, do what you need to do. I don't police women's bodies here. So do whatever the hell you want to do, but at the end of the day.

Realize that there's just going to be fewer men that are going to want to wait. But that's okay.

Especially I did a video on Instagram recently about how dangerous it is for a black woman to.

Have sex and to be pregnant.

So I understand. On a serious note, I understand.

Why people would want to wait until marriage.

But understand that being in a relationship and being in a marriage doesn't necessarily.

Keep you safe from STIs, HIV and other things. So regardless of however you want to.

Throw your pee around.

We still need to get tested all the time. Yeah.

And I say that with love and respect.

Primary tribe said how to have an exclusivity Conversation. So that's one of the things that I teach my clients in my program.

Because I have my own framework around it. But everyone can, you know, do your own thing. At the end of the day, I always think that.

We should be having that conversation between months two and three. Yeah.

And if he's not ready to be in an exclusive relationship by month three, he needs to be out.

Okay?

He needs to be out. He's not into it, he's not ready, and that's okay. Our job is just to honor what is and not try to figure out the why.

Okay. Sunshine said how to keep him interested. It's not your job to keep him interested. He's not a cat.

When you, when people ask questions like this, it means that you're centering him.

You're centering him and you're auditioning for him and you're waiting to be chosen. You should be asking him. You should be asking me.

How.

Does he keep my interest.

Yeah. It's not our job to keep men interested.

I think that one of the things that I want to just offer you is that there are millions, billions of men out there.

And when we do this, we're hyper focusing on one man.

And.

You don't need that.

If you are asking yourself this, then he's probably not it and you're trying to make him it.

Girl, you can't make a man do anything.

Your job. Like, girl, you need to date like five other guys right now. Seriously.

Like, I need you dating so many guys that you forget their names. You forget what you told them. You're repeating yourself because they are, girl, they are like coins in a piggy bank.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I said five girls.

I'm serious.

Yeah.

This. When you date multiple men, I call it Olympic dating. I want you having a gold medalist, a silver medalist and a bronze medalist. Someone said, you've got to be kidding. Where are these men? Girl, they're everywhere. This is the thing. Y' all are dating for marriage. You're not dating. I need you all to date and have fun. And when you do that, you will find people that are ready to be in an exclusive, long standing relationship with you.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay, good.

Okay.

Let'S see what else we're talking about.

Thoughts on right person, Wrong time.

Very, very possible I will tell you girl when I first met my husband girl, I wasn't ready Girl, I thought my shit did not stink Girl, I thought it was better than every man no shade, I still do.

And my heart was not open.

And I had to do A couple of years of work to just open my heart to be ready for true love.

Yeah.

On a more serious note, some of us are not ready because we're not open. We still have walls. We have armor around our hearts. Nobody can love you if they can't see and feel your heart.

And so when you ask about right person, wrong time, I always want to share my experience. Like, I met my partner in 20, 2010. We didn't get together until 2012, 2013.

So.

Yeah, it definitely can happen.

Okay, let me see what y' all are talking about.

What age should girls seriously date for marriage? I am 24. Never had a boyfriend date for fun. Now I don't even work with women that are younger than 26 because those men are not.

Are not looking for anything serious generally.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Someone said starting five, I can't even find one. It is because you are looking for. I always think about it in terms of, like, college.

You are trying to find Harvard right now. And I just want you to apply to a variety of different schools just like we were applying to colleges. You're going to have some reach school, you're going to have some target schools, and you're going to have some safety schools. You should have the same kind of men in your roster. You should have safety men that adore you, that you're not really into, but that will give you the world. You. You'll have some target men that are kind of on your level and you're interested in, and you'll have some reach men that might happen, might not happen. Okay.

So Lucifer, the Bombay cat, said he's 27. I'm 46. 6, but we vibe Thoughts, girl. Have fun. I think it's a great opportunity for you to step into your queen energy.

And.

I wouldn't take it so seriously, but I know a lot of women who engage with significantly younger men because they might be scared of men their age. So that would be my question. You right? Have we had men our age that have hurt us and we feel like we need to gain back control? So I'm going to date younger men or men that are not as established so that I can gain that control.

Yeah.

Tanya said you are the best. Thank you. Yes. Crystal said I didn't. He didn't say sleep with five.

Someone said, I get tired of talking to them. So this is what you do when you're. When you're dating multiple men because y' all are treating each man and giving a hundred percent to each man because y' all go hard in the paint instead of giving 100% to five different men. Or let's just go three different men, gold medalist, silver medalist, bronze medalists.

If you do it the way that you naturally do it, you're giving 300% of yourself away. Instead, I want you to give 33% to each of these men. They just get a little bit of you. That's it. So what does that look like? That looks like I text all of my men at the same time. I don't stop everything that I'm doing when a guy texts me, honey, these guys are getting me and breakfast time.

Lunchtime.

Dinner time.

Honey, you gotta batch the communication. You hear me?

That's how you manage these men. Because we're managers.

Okay.

Mari says if he says he don't want anything serious, then you seriously need to walk the other way.

And you know those, those power walkers, the fast walkers. That's how fast you need to be walking away.

Okay.

Rachel said. What are your thoughts on large age gaps?

My thoughts are if a man is significantly older than you and you're in your mid to lower 20s, then he's grooming you.

If you're 30 plus and you're with an older guy, I don't have much of an issue. I generally say the age ranges of plus 10 years, minus five years. But if you're in your mid to low 20s and you're with a 30 or 40 year old, it's a no. Girl.

He'S grooming you. He doesn't think of you seriously. And you, you're a plaything.

And when he gets tired of you, he's going to find the next fun, cute 24 year old to use.

So my opinion, my perspective, my experience, that's what I wanted to share.

Okay.

Sent.

House, Lux said and where I met two amazing providers. I want to keep them both until engagement. Is it possible? Anything is possible. Through Christ Jesus who strengthens you.

Is it smart? They're gonna find out about each other because as the.

As the relationship gets more and more serious, what will happen is that they will require more time from you. And girl, you can't split yourself.

Okay? So.

I think, think that it's really going to be important for you to choose one that feels the best for you.

Okay? And go with it.

What we do in my program is we highlight what your top, deeper relationship needs are and then we evaluate these men based on those top relationship needs. So it makes it easier to make that decision. Okay? So that's what I would offer to you.

Okay, let me see someone was saying something that I missed it.

Okay. Seacro said, it seemed like you made that white men don't like.

Us women comment to humble me. Oh, no, girl. That's not what this is about. That's not what this is about.

I always share that information because I think it's important to understand that different kinds of men like different kind of women. And I get that question a lot. So I wanted to highlight that. But I was sharing what may like, who may like you and who may not like you. Because I actually have a lot of lighter skinned women that go for white, whiter men, and then they're confused why those white guys aren't really checking for them as much. So that's why I wanted to share that there's no humbling that needs to happen here. That's not my mo. That's not what I'm here to do. I'm here to just share the information that I know. Yeah. So if it came off that way, I want to apologize. Not my intention at all. Okay.

Okay.

Shania said, can a guy be serious in their early twenties? Example 22. To be honest with you, I haven't really seen it that much, but, I mean, in the 80s and 90s, there used to be a lot of men that were getting married early. If he's Mormon and he's in Soft Lake City, then yes. Other than that, I don't really see it.

Ash said, do you have Muslim clients? I do. I have about three or four of them, yeah.

Trixie said, how do you feel about sp spinning the block? I don't do it, and I don't recommend any of my clients to do it. And I don't recommend that you do it as well. Because the thing that broke y' all up is the reason why you shouldn't be engaging.

You know.

At the end of the day, girl, if the trash man's not gonna spin the block again, you shouldn't either.

Yeah.

I think that I am someone who thinks that women should not be friends with men that they don't. That they've broken up with.

Yeah. Like, because the same thing that broke you all up is the reason why you shouldn't be friends with that person generally.

Yeah.

That's what. That's what I believe. And I don't want you wasting your time.

Someone said how to not want to be chosen.

The way that you stop wanting to be chosen is by choosing yourself.

That everything has got to be about you and your pleasure, which is really the essence of feminine energy. So everything's Got to be about you.

And that these guys like, you can take them or leave them.

That's what this is about. And not just these guys. You can take or leave anybody or anything.

Yeah.

That'S what this is about.

When you choose yourself, you're not waiting on anyone. No one.

You can't even see anyone. You're just, like, so in love with yourself.

That's what it looks like. It means prioritizing what you want and what you need. It means buying the things that you want that you need, not for just necessity, but for pleasure.

What does this mean? This means getting things like a housekeeper so you don't have to clean your house. And I know that's sacrilege to even talk about when it comes to black and brown women. That's what it looks like.

Choosing your comfort, your convenience and your pleasure.

Over what others may think or feel about me.

Yeah.

Okay.

Let me get some kombucha, girl.

Let me get some kombucha.

I was watching a. A video on Tik Tok. Some somewhat rude dietitian is talking about how kombucha is spicy water. And girl, I had literally gagged. She. She came for me. She came for me. It. It really is spicy water. It really is. She gagged me.

Yeah.

Someone said, are you reading the comments on IG or tik Tok, girl? Both, girl. My ADHD is kicking, girl.

No shade.

Yeah.

Classically has said, love you. Thank you for bringing healing to the lover girls. I try my best, girl. I try my best.

Reset. And where should we be approaching men with the thought of building a friendship first?

Yeah, kind of. I mean, I still think that we should still have a little bit of that sexual tension in there. Right. That's what I think is really important here.

I think when we're engaging with people in real life, it should be about four fun and connection.

If you bring that friendship energy, you're going to get friend zoned.

You have to bring a little bit more to it so that we can put the connection in a different lane or a different category.

Yeah.

Okay. Let me see what was going. That's going on here.

Mara said, he called me homie. I know. He is unserious. Totally. If a man calls you bro, bra, dude, homie, any of that, you're not his woman. You're another dude in his life.

I need you to truly think about this.

The man who would want you to be his future wife would never call you that. It's not a compliment.

Yeah.

Hi. Manette said so per your guidance I paused my online dating profile for the holidays. When do we active, girl, we reactivate now. It's January, girl. Get on now.

Yeah.

Get on now.

Okay, let me. Girl, there's so many messages. Please have patience with me.

Olivia said, should I give this younger Asian guy a chance? Please. Please do. Please do, girl. Please do. I just started watching Squid Game two, girl, and you need to do the same.

I get. I gave squid games 2 a chance. You should give this younger Asian guy a chance. Okay.

B.M. allen, stop.

Okay.

Okay. Let me see what y' all are talking about.

Someone start watching from the Philippines. I know that's right, girl.

I love my. My Filipinos and Filipinas. Y' all are the black Asians. Honey, we're all the same.

Okay, let me see what y' all are. What y' all are talking about. Are nicknames a good thing? I think it depends on the nicknames. A lot of men will try to nickname you because they're trying to gain a certain level of familiarity with you and skip the line a little bit. A lot of love Bombers will do this. So, again, it really depends on the nature of the nickname. Right. Baby, honey, sweetie. Got to set a boundary around that. Yeah.

Jose Bell said, thoughts on telling a man you're not willing to date for longer than X amount of time without engagement? That feels threatening. I wouldn't really do that. I would. Just the way that I would phrase that is. Yeah, I would really like to be engaged by Q3 of this year. It would make me happy. See, I'm censoring my feelings there. But I'm not telling him what he should or shouldn't do.

Right?

Yeah, that. That's how I would express that. And he gets. And, you know, he gets time to figure out if that's what he wants to do or not.

Someone asked, what did I say about pet names? I said I'm not a fan of them. But you know who's a fan of them? Love Bombers.

What are your thoughts on dating a shy man? I think that a man who's really into you is not going to be shy.

And respectfully speaking, I'm tired of this. This. This. These excuses that a lot of women talk about. He might be shy or he's shy. Honey, I get three to four women into relationships a week.

Those men are not shy about those women.

They're not shy about them at all.

So I just want to offer that.

Okay, nice. See what y' all are talking about?

Doctor Kenesha said you said once we should study men how do we do that? I think by, like, listening to.

People who know about men in the dating space. Right. The reason why I say this, because I. I see a lot of women who talk about, oh, too many rules, too many games.

If y' all don't understand the rules, you are going to leave yourself open to a lot of danger.

And I've said this before, I will say it again. You're gonna get your shit rocked in dating if you don't know how to keep yourself safe. So if you see some of my videos or videos of other people talking about, okay, you might want to do this, you might want to do that, you might want to do this, it is because that those are the things that have naturally kept people safe while dating.

Yeah. So something to think about. So setting men is learning that they are wildly different than you are. What a lot of women tend to do is think about what they would do in a situation, not considering that men are completely different and will think and feel about things completely differently.

So it's really about empathy at the end of the day and understanding that people. Different kinds of people, do different kinds of things.

Right? Yeah. Lots of boundaries. Lots of boundaries.

ISIS said, do you recommend confessing feelings in the new year?

No.

I'm waiting for the guy to confess his feelings to you.

Yeah.

Maya said, some of these questions are concerning. Here's the thing. This is a total safe space for you to ask any and all questions. The questions may be concerning to you, but I honor each and every one of them because I do know that many of us actually don't have a safe space to ask some of these questions. And this is totally a safe space. Right. The thing is that most of us actually do know the answer to these questions, but we're just looking for validation. And if you are a black or brown woman, what will happen is something. Sometimes you can't trust your gut.

Because you live a life with so many micro and macro aggressions that you have to lead your life with your head. And the way to navigate your dating life is through your feelings and through your intuition. So.

I'm gonna. I'm gonna always answer all of these questions. Even if you ask questions like, should I get back with my ex? I'm gonna always say no, girl. Yeah. And I'm not gonna shade it.

Yes, honey. We listen and we don't judge.

We coach, but we don't judge. Yeah. So I'm always gonna. Even if the. Even if the questions are wild as hell and y' all know y' all Be asking some wild ass questions.

We're gonna answer them.

Okay?

Yeah. None of us are taught how to date, so how are we supposed to know?

So we'll talk about it until you have some clarity and we'll keep it moving. Yeah. C Curl said, if black men are the hardest to date, who should.

Women date again? I want everyone dating everybody and seeing who treats you the best.

Okay.

TM said I kissed someone really embarrassing on New Year's. How do I get over it? Girl, don't get over it, girl. I used to be a kissing home myself, girl, so I. Girl, I love a good kiss. I don't care who it was with. Girl. Honey, at least you kiss somebody in the New Year's. Girl, leave it in 2024.

Okay. Vibes with TT said I had a breakdown for the first time worrying about my future and the lack of partnership in my life.

I think that sometimes people will make the fact that they don't have partnership in their life mean something about them. And I want to say that 80% of this dating thing actually doesn't have much to do with you and has a lot of a lot to do with these men. And they're not doing what they need to do. They're not holding up their end of the bargain.

Yeah.

Do you understand that single women are happier than women that are in relationships?

So I think people think that, oh, my God, if I get into a partnership, I'm going to be happier.

Statistically, significantly happier. No.

So now what?

We need to get to the point where we're okay having it or not having it. And I think once we get there.

You'Re going to be in a good position. Because here's the thing, ladies, here's a little bit of a cheat code.

When you have that energy where you can take or leave a man, do you know how many guys are going to be like, so into you because that energy is completely magnetic?

That. Okay.

Now what? When you're not gagging on these guys.

Girl, that's the cheat code when you can take them or leave them. Girl. When you get a text from a guy and your punani doesn't do a flip, girl, you're done. You're everything. You've won.

Right? Bradley has said, my mom has that energy. These men don't know what to do. Girl. That is. That's the energy that you want here. This energy about, oh, I don't have a man. Oh, I don't have partnership, girl. And I'm going to say this with love and respect. It's going to bring and breed a desperate energy and it will start attracting predatory men because they're going to smell the desperation for your partnership on you from a mile away.

Yeah.

Girl, stop caring.

Who cares?

Here's the thing.

I understand that this means something to you and so many women out there. You've got to figure out what you're making it mean for you.

That is your work.

Is it because you never felt chosen from your parents or prioritized or cherished or adored? And so we're looking to fill that void with a man. Are we looking for validation from my friend group who have men and I want to be like them and I want to relate to them better, so I want a man too.

You've got to figure out what you're making it mean. And then we have to find other ways to fill those voids without a man.

Yeah.

Yeah, honey.

When you've never been chosen or prioritized, they're gonna smell that. And you know what they do? They're gonna make you feel that way for a couple, a good two or three weeks. And then when they feel like they got you, girl, they're gonna pull a rug right under you.

Don't do that.

So.

That'S what you got to figure out, girl. And once you do that, you're going to be golden.

Okay?

Okay, honey. Had to cross my legs for that one, honey.

Cuz no shade. A lot of us are still dating. Dating for validation from our mother and our friends. Can't do that.

Can't do it.

Someone said. That was so good. Thank you. You're so welcome.

Okay, let me see what else is going on here. Someone said, and co workers. Oh, not, I hope not co workers. Girl. Honey, just tell them you in a relationship and you got kids. They don't got to know the real tea.

I'm just kidding. Or am I?

Okay, let me see what y' all are talking about here.

Ellie said, amwar, did you get cheek filler? No, but I was thinking about it. Then my best friend said, girl, don't do that. And I listened to her.

I have the same best friend I had when I went to boarding school over 30 years ago. And girl, she was the one that said, girl, do this, do this dating coaching thing.

So.

I have a very small tribe, but I listen to what they tell me because sometimes they know my blind spots.

But I was thinking about it. I was thinking about. I was thinking about getting filler, honey. I was thinking about a lot of different things.

Someone says, do you know Benny Hart? I Don't know a Benny Hart. I don't know who that is.

Someone said how to avoid stopping the out of his league. Girl, you're going to need to start engaging with men that are actually on your level.

Not just the guys that give you attention and adore you.

They're gonna. Every woman is going to have. Right now, you probably have two or three men in your orbit that actually adore you and will do a lot of different things for you.

You're going to have. The tricky thing about guys that get with women that are out of their league is that they're going to treat you like heaven for a certain amount of time. It is going to be very important for you to.

Brag.

Talk about the great things that are happening for you. That promotion at work. Right. That, you know, recognition from the local organization. And you're gonna need to see how he reacts to it.

Because a lot of men will get tired of your. Those kinds of men will get tired of your accomplishments and start not giving you the life that you want or deserve. Right. Yeah. You want to see that jealousy strike streak and those men have it. And when you start sharing that.

Early, you'll start to see it earlier.

Someone said, but then men get intimidated. Then those aren't the men for you. Your future partner. Girl, if the trash man's not going to spin the block again, you should neither.

Yeah.

I think that I am someone who thinks that women should not be friends with men that they don't. That they've broken up with.

Yeah. Like, because the same thing that broke you all up is the reason why you shouldn't be friends with that person generally.

Yeah.

That's what. That's what I believe. And I don't want you wasting your time.

Someone said how to not want to be true chosen.

The way that you stop wanting to be chosen is by choosing yourself.

That everything has got to be about you and your pleasure, which is really the essence of feminine energy. So everything's got to be about you.

And that these guys, like, you can take them or leave them.

That's what this is about. And not just these guys. You can take or leave anybody or anything.

Yeah.

That's what this is about.

When you choose yourself, you're not waiting on anyone. No one.

You can't even see anyone. You're just, like, so in love with yourself.

That's what it looks like. It means prioritizing what you want and what you need. It means buying the things that you want that you need. Not for just necessity, but for pleasure.

What does this mean? This means getting things like a housekeeper so you don't have to clean your house. And I know that's sacrilege to even talk about when it comes to black and brown women. That's what it looks like.

Choosing your comfort, your convenience and your pleasure.

Over what others may think or feel about me.

Yeah.

Okay.

Let me get some kombucha, girl.

Let me get some kombucha.

I was watching a video on Tick Tock. Some somewhat rude dietitian is talking about how kombucha is spicy water. And girl, I had literally gagged. She. She came for me. She came for me. It. It really is spicy water. It really is. She gagged me.

Yeah.

Someone said, are you reading the comments on IG or tik Tok? Girl? Both. Girl. My ADHD is kicking. Girl.

No shade.

Yeah.

Classically has said love you. Thank you for bringing healing to the lover girls. I try my best. Girl. I try my best.

All.

No shade.

Yeah.

Classically has said, love you. Thank you for bringing healing to the lover girls. I try my best. Girl. I try my best.

Reset. And where should we be approaching men with the thought of building a friendship first?

Yeah, kind of. I mean, I still think that we should still have a little bit of that sexual tension in there. Right. That's what I think is really important here.

I think when we're engaging with people in real life, it should be about fun and connection.

If you bring that friendship energy, you're going to get friend zoned.

You have to bring a little bit more to it so that we can put the connection in a different lane or a different category.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay, let me see what was going that's going on here.

Reset. And where should we be approaching men with the thought of building a friendship.

First?

Yeah.

Mara said. He called me homie. I know. He is unserious. Totally. If a man calls you bro, kind of. I mean, I still think that we should still have a little bit of that sexual tension in there. Right? Raw dude, homie. Any of that. You're not his woman. You're another dude in his life.

I need you to truly think about this.

The man who would want you to be his future wife would never call you that. It's not a compliment.

Yeah.

Hi. Man said. So per your guidance, I paused my online dating profile for the holidays. When do we active? Girl, we reactivate now. It's. That's what I think is really important here. January girl. Get on now.

I think when we're engaging with people.

Yeah.

Get on now.

In real life, it should be about fun and connection.

If you bring that friendship energy, you're going to get friend zoned.

You have to bring a little bit more.

Okay, Let me. Girl, there's so many messages. Please have patience with me.

Olivia said, should I give this younger Asian guy a chance? Please do. Please do, girl. Please do. I just started watching Squid Game two girls and you need to do the same.

I get. I gave squid games 2 a chance. You should give this younger Asian guy a chance. Okay.

To it. So that we can put the connection. B.M. allen. Stop.

In a different lane or a different category.

Okay. Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay. Let me see what was going. That's going on here.

Okay. Let me see what y' all are talking about.

Someone start watching from the Philippines. I know that's right, girl.

I love my. My Filipinos and Filipinas. Y' all are the black Asians. Honey.

We're all the.

Okay, let me see what y' all are. What y' all are talking about.

Mara said he called me homie. I know he is unserious. Totally. If a man calls you bro bra, dude, homie, any of that, you. You're not his 1. Are nicknames a good thing? I think it depends on the nicknames. A lot of men will try to nickname you because they're trying to gain a certain level of familiarity with you and skip the line a little bit. A lot of love Bombers will do this. So again, it really depends on the nature of the nickname. Right. Baby, honey, sweetie. Gotta set a boundary around that. Yeah.

Jose Bell said, thoughts on telling a man you're not willing to date for longer than X amount of time without engagement. That feels threatening. I wouldn't really do that. I would. Just the way that I would phrase that is, yeah, I would really like to be engaged by Q3 of this yeoman. You're another dude in his life. It would make me happy. See, I'm censoring my feelings there. But I'm not telling him what he should or shouldn't do.

Right.

I need you to truly think about this.

Yeah. That's how I would express that. And he gets. And you know, he gets time to figure out if that's what he wants to do or not.

The man who would want you to be his future wife would never call you that. It's not.

Someone asked, what did I say about pet names?

I said I'm not a fan of them. But you know who's a fan of them? Love Bombers.

What are your thoughts on dating a shy man? I think that a man who's really into you is not going to be shy.

And respectfully speaking, I'm tired of this, this. This. These excuses that a lot of women talk about, oh, he might be shy or he's shy. Honey, I get three to four women into relationships a week. A compliment.

Those men are not shy about those women.

They're not shy.

Yeah.

About them at all.

So I just want to offer that.

Hi, man. I said, so per your guidance. I paused my online dating profile for the holidays. When do we active? Girl, we reactivate now. It's.

Okay. Let me see what y' all are talking about.

Doctor Kenesha said you said once we should study men. How do we do that? I think by, like, listening to.

People who know about men in the dating space. Right.

The reason why I say this, because I. I see a lot of women who talk about, oh, too many rules. January girl, get on now rules, too many games.

If y' all don't understand the.

Yeah.

Rules, you are going to leave yourself open to a lot of danger.

And I said this before. I will say it again. You're gonna get your shit rocked in dating if get on now. You don't know how to keep yourself safe. So if you see some of my videos or videos of other people talk.

Okay, you might want to do this. You might want to do that. You might want to do this. It is because that those are the things that have naturally kept people safe while dating.

Yeah. So something to think about. So studying men is learning that they are wildly different than you are. What a lot of women tend to do is think about what they would do in a situation, not considering that men are completely different and will think and.

Feel about things completely differently.

So it's really about empathy at the end of the day and understanding.

Okay, let me, girl. There's so many messages that people. Different kinds of people do different kinds of things.

Right? Yeah. Lots of boundaries. Lots of boundaries.

Please have patience with me.

Olivia said, should I.

ISIS said, do you recommend confessing feelings in the new year?

No.

I'm waiting for the guy to confess his feelings to you. I give this younger Asian guy a chance. Please do.

Yeah.

Please do, girl. Please do. I just started watching Squid Game two, girl, and you need to do the same.

Maya said, some of these questions are concerning. Here's the thing. This is a total safe space. Space for you to ask any and all questions. The questions may be concerning to you, but I honor each and every one of them because I do know that many of us Actually don't have a safe space to ask. I get. I gave squid games 2 a chance. You should give this younger Asian guy a chance. Some of these questions. And this is totally a safe space. Right. The thing is that most of us actually do know the answer to these questions, but we're just looking for validation. And if you are a black or brown woman, what will happen is sometimes you can't trust your gut.

Okay.

Because you live a life with so many micro and macro aggressions that you. You have to lead your life with your head. And the way to navigate your dating life is through your feelings and through your intuition. BM Allen, stop.

Okay.

So.

I'm going to always answer all of these questions. Even if you ask questions like, should I get back with my ex? I'm going to always say no, girl. Yeah. And I'm not going to shade it.

Yes, honey, we listen and we don't judge.

We coach, but we don't judge. Yeah. So I'm always gonna. Even if the. Even if the questions are wild as hell and y' all know y' all be asking some wild ass questions.

We'Re gonna answer them.

Okay?

Yeah. None of us are taught how to date, so how are we supposed to know?

So we'll talk about it until you have some clarity and we'll keep it moving. Yeah.

C Curl said, if black men are the hardest to date, who should.

Women date again? I want everyone dating everybody.

And seeing who treats you the best.

Okay.

TM said I kiss someone really embarrassing on New Year's. How do I get over it? Girl, don't get over it, girl. I used to be a kissing home myself, girl. So I. Girl, I love a good kiss. I don't care who it was with, girl. Honey, at least you kiss somebody in the New Year's. Girl. Leave it in 2024.

Okay. Vibes with tt said I had a breakdown for.

First time, worrying about my future and the lack of partnership in my life.

I think that sometimes people.

Okay, let me see what y' all are talking about. Will make the fact that they don't have partnership in their life mean something about them. And I want to say that 80% of this dating thing actually doesn't have much to do with you and has a lot of a lot to do with these men. And they're not doing what they need to do.

Oh. They're not holding up their end of the bar again.

Yeah.

Do you understand that single women are happier than women that are in relationships?

Someone start watching from the Philippines. I know that's right, girl.

So I think people think that, oh, my God, if I get into a partnership, I'm going to be happier.

Statistically, significantly happier. No.

So now what?

We need to get to the point where I love my. My Filipinos and Filipinas. Y' all are the black Asians. Honey, we're okay having it or not having it. And I think once we get there.

You'Re going to be in a good position.

We're all the same.

Okay, let me see what y' all are. What y' all are talking about, because here's the thing, ladies. Here's a little bit of a cheat code.

When you have that energy where you can take or leave a man, do you know how many guys are going to be, like, so into you because that energy is completely magnetic?

That. Oh. Are nicknames a good thing? I think it depends on. Okay.

Now what? When you're not gagging on these guys.

Girl, that's the cheat code. When you can take them or leave them. Girl. When you get a text from a guy and your punani doesn't do a flip, girl, you're done. You're everything. You've won.

Right? Bradleysia said, my mom has that energy. These men don't know what to do. Girl. The nicknames. A lot of men will try to nickname you because they're trying to gain a certain level of familiarity with you. You and skip the line a little bit. A lot of love bombers will do this. So again, it really depends on the nature of the nickname. Right. Baby, honey, sweetie. Got to set a boundary around that. Is. That's the energy that you want here. This energy about, oh, I don't have a man. Ooh, I don't have partnership, girl. And I'm going to say this with love and respect. It's going to bring and breed a desperate energy, and it will start attracting predatory men because they're going to smell the desperation for your partnership on you from a mile away.

Yeah.

Girl, stop caring.

Who cares?

Here's the thing.

I understand that this means that. Yeah.

Something to you and so many women out there. You've got to figure out what you're making it mean for you.

That is your work.

Jose Bell said. Thoughts on telling a man you're not willing to date for longer than x amount of time without engagement. That feels.

Is it because.

You never felt chosen from your parents or prioritized or cherished or adored? And so we're looking to fill that void with a man. Are we looking for validation from my friend group who have Men. And I want to be like them, and I want to relate to them better. So I want a man, too.

You've got to figure out what you're making it mean. And then we have to find other ways to fill those voids without a man.

Threatening. I wouldn't really.

Yeah.

Yeah, honey, do that. I would. Just the way that I would phrase that is, yeah, I would really like to be engaged by Q3 of this year.

When you've never been chosen or prioritized, they're gonna smell that, and you know what they do. They're gonna make you. It would make me happy. See, I'm censoring my feelings there, but I'm not telling him what he should or shouldn't do.

Right. You feel that way for a couple, a good two or three weeks, and then when they feel like they got you, girl, they're going to pull a rug right under you.

Don't do that.

So.

That'S what you got to figure out, girl. And once you do that, you're going to be golden.

Okay.

Okay, honey. I had a.

Yeah. Cross my legs for that one, honey.

Because no shade. A lot of us are still dating. Dating for validation from our mother and our friends. Can't do that.

Can't do it.

That. That's how I would express that. And he gets. And you know, he gets time to figure out if that's what he wants to do or not.

Someone asked, what did I say about pet names? I said.

Someone said, that was so good. Thank you. You're so welcome.

Okay, let me see what else is going on here. Someone said, and co workers. Oh, not. I hope not co workers. Girl, honey, just tell them you in a relationship and you got kids. They don't got to know the real tea.

I'm just kidding. Or am I?

I'm not a fan of them. But you know who's a fan of them?

The bombers.

What are your thoughts on dating a shy man? Let me see what y' all are talking about here.

I think that a man who's really into you is not going to be shy.

And respectfully speaking, I'm tired of this. This. This. Ellie said, Anwar, did you get cheek filler? No, but I was thinking about it. Then my best friend said, girl, don't do that. And I listened.

I have the same best friend I had when I went to boarding school over 30 years ago. And, girl, she was the one that said, girl, do this. Do this dating, coaching thing.

So I have a very small tribe, but I listen to what they tell me. Because sometimes they know my blind spots.

But I was thinking about it. These excuses that I was thinking about. I was thinking about getting filler, honey. I was thinking about a lot of different things.

Someone says, do you know Benny Hart? I don't know a Benny Hart.

A lot of women talk about, oh, he might be shy or he's shy. Honey, I get three to four women into relationships a week.

I don't know who that is.

Someone said how.

Those men are not shy about those women.

They're not shy. To avoid stopping the out of his league girl, you're going to need to start engaging with men that are actually on your level.

Not just the guys that give you attention and adore you.

They're gonna. Every woman is going to have. Right now. You probably have two or three men in your orbit that actually adore you and will do a lot of different things for you.

You're going to have the. The tricky thing about guys that get with women that are out of their league is bottom at all. That they're going to treat you like heaven for a certain amount of time. It is going to be very important for you to.

Brag.

Talk about the great things that are happening for you. That promotion at work.

So I just want to offer that.

Work. Right. That, you know, recognition from the local organization. And you're gonna need to see how he reacts to it.

Because a lot of men will get tired of your. Those kinds of men will get tired of your accomplishments and start not giving you the life that you.

You want or deserve. Right? Yeah. You want to see that jealousy to streak. And those men have it. And when you start sharing that.

Early, you'll start to see it earlier.

Someone said. But then men get intimidated. Then those aren't the men for you. Your future partner or husband, if you choose to be married, is going to be your biggest choice cheerleader. And he's. He's gonna want things more for you than you want for yourself.

That's what it looks like.

Yeah. When they start competing with you, bow out. Let them know you won by yourself. Okay, let me see what y' all are talking to self.

You know.

So don't be afraid to brag, honey. Such. Because y' all are. A lot of. Y' all are killing the game.

Killing the game. And then so many of you all want to kind of dim your light, girl. Now.

Some of y' all don't want to put your professions on your dating app profiles or not talk about the ideas that you have. No. Do all of that. Your person's gonna love all of that.

Dr. Kenesha said you said once we should study men. How do we do that? I think by, like, listening to him more.

Yeah. New shin said I talked about a promotion and he left. Good.

Good.

People who know about men in the dating. Okay, let's see what's going on here.

Kia said, I loved your episode on horrible decisions. Thank you so much. I appreciate it. Life of sunset, do you give advice to gay men? Yeah, but my advice with for straight women is pretty much the same advice for gay men. Because guess what? A man is a man is a man is a man.

Space. Right? The reason why I say this because I. I see a lot of women who talk about.

Easy said. I bet you are a great dad. I'm learning to get better and better each day. Oh, too many rules. I will tell you that the work that I do really dulls Too many games.

If y' all don't understand the res bring a certain level of awareness about how important my words and my actions are, especially to my daughters. It is a very challenging thing to. To.

Hold space rules. You are going to leave yourself open and create space for my daughters to speak their truth, but to do it in a respectful way. And Lord knows I am challenged every single day.

My mother tells me that.

My karma is coming back to me tenfold because of the mouth that I had and have. Yeah, been to a lot of danger.

And I said this before, I will say it again. So.

I try my best. No parent is perfect. So I want to just share with you.

One of the really great questions that you can ask your self is, what did I need from my parents that I. That I did not receive?

You're gonna get your shit rocked at dating if you don't know how to keep yourself safe. So if you see some of my videos or videos of other people talk.

And if you're one of those women that says, no, my parents were great. I didn't have. I don't need anything. I didn't need anything more. You a lie.

It means, okay, you might want to do this. You might want to do that. That. And the reason why I say this is because.

Your bonding patterns are created.

By your parental relationships.

And so a lot of us don't want to be completely honest about what our true experience was of our parents.

You might want to do this. It is because that those are the things that have naturally kept people safe while dating. And I just want to.

Give a special shout out to those African and Caribbean ladies out there.

Who.

Who have Often been taught that you can't say anything that is not positive about your parents. But.

Yeah. So something to think about. So studying men is learning. That's the work. You gotta get so real with your childhood.

To help you understand why you do the things that you do, say the things that you say, that they are wildly different than they live the way that you live, react the way that you do all of that.

Okay. So if you haven't done any of that.

Honey, go back to when you were 8. Go back to 8, go back to 12, go back to 16.

Then let's talk.

Gotta get real on that.

Exactly.

You are. What a lot of women tend to do is think about what they would do in a situation. Not consider.

The question is not about talking shit about your parents. It's about honoring your experience of them.

And if you can't do that, then it's going to be hardering that men are completely different and will think and feel about things completely differently.

So it's really about empathy. Hard for you to honor your experience of your current relationships as well.

Yeah.

So.

But that's it at the end of the day and understanding, girl, that's what it looks like.

That's the work.

That's what we talk about in my programs. Because you got to know where you're coming from. Yeah.

People are talking about, you know, it's okay that people. Different kinds of people do different kinds of things.

Right. I criticize them. This isn't about them. You've lived a lot of your life centering them in the same way that you center men. This exercise is not about them. This is about your experience, your experience of them.

Right. This is about centering yourself. Yeah. Lots of boundaries. Lots of boundaries.

Oh.

Yeah.

Yeah. Good, good, good, good, good, good. So if you are open to that level of work.

You definitely.

Want to consider working with us. Yeah.

I have a group of three amazing coaches that also do this. Work with me to help you to get you where you need to go.

Yeah.

Okay.

Ren said.

My man lied to me. What do I do?

Don't do anything.

If he's lying to you.

Isis said, do you recommend confessing feelings in the new year? I don't know how long you've been with him. Then you probably. He's probably a liar.

Yeah.

If this is a pattern, you need to leave.

No.

Gemini said, have you helped women who have children? Yeah. I would say a good third of my clients are single mothers.

Someone said, lie back. No, ma'. Am.

That's the thing.

A lot of people.

Want to get their lick back.

And in dating and in relationships.

My recommendation.

And the true essence of.

I'm waiting for the guy to confess his feelings to you. Feminine energy.

Step away.

Deny access. It's one of the most powerful things that you can do. We don't need to tell a man about himself. We don't need to do to him what he's done to you.

Literally.

Yeah.

You won't win that way. Your winning will come from the safety that you bring yourself and the healing that you bring yourself.

When I tell you, you step away from a man, girl.

He won't even know what to do with himself.

He'll be so gagged and gooped.

Hey, why didn't. Why didn't you call me back after I hung up on you?

Hey, why didn't you text me today?

Step away. Do you understand that your energy is the gas seline for these men?

I think a lot of women might not understand that your energy.

Your f.

Maya said some of these questions are concerning. Here's the thing. This is a total safe space for you to ask any and all feminine energy. Your presence.

Is gasoline for them. Without you, they don't go.

They don't go.

All questions. The questions may be concerning to you, but I honor each and every one of them.

So I want to share that with you because I think. I think sometimes.

I speak with a lot of women and a lot of women don't know their power when it comes to men.

You are. Because I do know that many of us actually don't have a safe space to as powerful. You are the leaders.

A lot of women say, oh my God. I don't feel comfortable being in my feminine because I feel weak. Some of these questions and this is totally a safe space. Right? Right. The thing is that most of us actually don't feel like I'm in my power. Girl.

There are men that will create wars for a woman. Do know the answer to these questions. But we're just. Look.

Thousands of bodies will die.

Because of a woman.

Do you know that? Looking for validation. And if you are a black or brown women woman, what will happen is sometimes.

You have that power too.

So.

A lot of what I'm talking about is trying to help and remind you of that power that you have.

These men will do anything. You can't trust your gut.

Thing.

For you and your energy.

Someone said, let the games begin.

Yeah.

That's what I want you because you live a life with so many micro and macro of aggressions that you. You have to leave you to remember.

Yeah. There was a video of a. Of your life with your head. And the way to navigate your dating life is woman on a dinner date. The guy gave her a $30 budget. I saw that video. And she was going back and forth with him, and she was talking about. Oh, I can't believe. Da, da, da, da, da, da, da. We don't talk to men who give us an allowance. We're not anybody's daughter.

You get to choose whether you want to be a daughter debating about an allowance or a woman.

Who doesn't even engage in that.

Daughter. Woman. It's your choice.

Through your feelings and through your intuition. Yeah.

Okay.

Yeah, honey, I. You know what I do, girl?

Put my hair in a bun. Get my pocketbook. Thank him showing. So I'm gonna. I'm gonna always answer all of these questions, even if you ask questions like, should I get back with my ex, unlock my amazing manicure and say, thank you so much.

Have a great evening. I'm gonna go now.

Yeah. Why are people talking about my Christmas tree? I take my Christmas tree down on epiphany when I always say no, girl. Yeah, and I'm not gonna shade it.

Yes, honey, we need. Which is January 6th. Get out my damn.

Y' all need to shut the hell up.

I'm from the old school. Who's so cool January 6th. Squirrel. Just like those white men, honey. They took the Capitol down, and I take my tree down. Now what?

Same energy.

Now what? We listen and we don't judge.

Yes, honey, I got a January 6th. My tree.

We coach, but we don't judge. Yeah. So I'm always gonna. Even if the. Even if the questions are wild as hell. And you. Y' all know, y'. All. Y' all better leave me alone.

Someone said. Where were you at January 6th? Trying to talk to all those white men at the Capitol. Where were you.

Honey? Trying to get a date. Be asking some wild ass questions.

We're going to answer them.

Okay.

Yeah. None of us are taught how to date, so how are we supposed to know?

So we'll talk about it until you have some clarity, and we'll keep it moving at the Capitol.

Yes, honey.

Honey, it's hard out there for a pimp, honey. You gotta go where the men are. You gotta fish where the fish are, honey.

Yes, honey. Y' all need to leave my insurrection tree alone.

People saying that was not a vibe, girl. Don't y' all love a man in uniform?

Don't you love a good patriot?

Okay, I'm. I'm kidding, I'm kidding, I'm kidding, I'm kidding, y'. All. That's the thing I. I have to make. I have to let the people know I'm kidding, because people will cut my. Yeah.

C Curl said, if black men are the hardest to date, it'll be on some random article in France talking about this dating coach talks about finding men at the January 6th insurrection.

So I have always to say I'm kidding, I'm kidding, I'm kidding, I'm kidding.

Oh, wait. I can't have fun. I can't have fun anymore. Y' all can't take a joke?

Yes, honey. Someone said, I love a man that takes charge. I know that's right. Who should.

Women date again? I want.