Dating Q&A - 03-11-25

Welcome.

I hope everyone's doing well. What's the tea, ladies? What's really going on? Have you been. Have you missed me? Miss me? Miss me? Now you gotta kiss me.

Are you ready for the dating tea? Now, for those of you that don't know me, my name is Coach Anwar. I am a dating coach for black and brown women. Someone asked me where I've been, so, couple of things. Oh, my God. They kicked me off of TikTok Live because I was. I think that they were saying. They think they thought I was saying bad words, but I really wasn't. And then after that, I went on vacation because it was spring break, so I had to take all of my family to Mexico for, you know, a week or so. And then right after that, I flew back to Montreal, and then I had to fly to D.C. because I was filming a documentary. Yeah. And then I was also meeting with my clients in the DMV area, and we had a very, very fun time. Yeah. So that's where I've been. But I'm back now, ladies. I'm super happy to be back. I hope everyone is doing well. I've missed you all. I hope that you've missed me, too. And if you're new here, I want to share with you that this live is really about.

Me helping you answer your questions. Yeah. So, you know, I've been a dating coach for almost 16 years now. I've coached it all, I've seen it all. So, in this live, if you have any specific questions, put them in the chat and then I will answer them in the order that I see them. Okay. People are saying, I've sent you a question in the DM. I don't answer questions in the DMs, so I want to let you know that I answer questions on this live and also from my actual clients. Girl. No, Shade. Yeah.

So with that said, don't put your questions in the DMs. I will not answer it. My team will not. No, Shade, ignore it. Yeah. So if there's anything that I'm saying that is resonating with you at all.

Tap the screen, double tap. Give us hearts. Do all that other stuff so that, you know, I can let you know that I. I can know that you're living for the content that I'm creating. I can give you more of it. Okay. Okay. Someone asked, how can I become a client? Go to the link in my bio and book a consultation call. And. And we'll see if it's a good fit or not. You'll have to fill out an application. If your application is accepted then you will receive a an invitation to book a free consultation call. Okay. Awesome, awesome, awesome, awesome. Okay, let's see. Hey mk. Hey Ronnie. Hey. Nene Salma said, what's the best age to get married? When you're ready and healed. That's going to be a different age for different women. Yeah.

Chrissy said, hey, before it gets crazy, you've been here before, you know how it goes. You know that there will be thousands of people all up in here asking questions left and right.

Bella said, do you discuss pricing and plans during your consultation? I do. I will tell you ladies that the group coaching the get yout Guy club right now is at the 3k mark and the VIP program is at the 7k mark. So I want to let you all know that now. And I'm sharing this with you all because guess what, those prices are going to increase soon. So if you have been thinking about booking and becoming getting into this coaching program.

You should do it probably in the near future, in the next quarter. Okay. We also have monthly plans as well. So if you are a little bit like sticker shocked by that full, that full pay price we have monthly at the 300 and the 700amonth mark. Okay. World Travel Said. Hi. I listened to you and found my mid tech king who treats me so well. Thanks Anwar. You're so welcome. You're so welcome. I love it so much. I love hearing that. Even though like in my program we get about three to five women into relationships per week and about one to two engagements per month, I'm always really happy and excited that people are dating differently for a different result. That's what it's about at the end of the day. Because what I know for sure is that most of us are not taught how to date. And so part of the reason that I do what I do is to make sure that y' all know how to date.

Yeah. Okay. X Said, do you coach Black Muslim women? I sure do. She said, I wear a hijab for example. Work girl, work.

Hijab, nijab. I don't care.

Okay.

Piece of reset. Omg. Emma, you're amazing. I love you. I love you too. Thank you so much. And thank you all so much for all of the love. I really do appreciate it. It y' all really hold me down and it really does mean the world to me. I will tell you this whole. Someone was asking me, am I starting a publishing company. I am not.

But I am in the process of I've written a book. I'm trying to find an agent and.

A publisher that will push this book. But I want to be a hundred percent honest with you all. I've gotten a lot of pushback about this book being for just black women. They want to.

I don't want to do it.

I don't want to do it. So it's taken a little bit of time to get the book out. But you know, I'm probably, if I don't get an agent in the next couple of weeks, I'm gonna self publish it. That's the decision that I've made because the information is there. It has been really, really, really, really written with all of my heart and all of my soul.

So yeah.

I'm getting a lot of stay strong so we don't share the same experiences. Yeah. Someone said it's not surprising publishers can be like that. People are saying self publish, it's more of your coin. I want to say this with love and respect. I don't, I don't really care about the coin.

I'm in a blessed position where I don't have to care about it. This is really just about getting the information out to you because I want to teach you how to date.

Yeah. Ultimately feel like Think Like a Man was written.

For black women but it had massive appeal. Yeah but that book is horrible.

Where is.

Might be holding my throw up?

Uh oh.

Someone said my coins are ready. I know that's right. Think Like a Man is trash. I really think it is ladies. Why do I think it's trash? Because.

In the book he tells you that you just have to have sex with a man when he wants it. That's how you keep a man. And that's what you know, men need. Girl. No shade, I don't give a fuck what men need. I care about what you want and what you need. And so we're in a new dawn, a new era and it's time for you to start to get a bit self centered. That's how you're going to find a man in this sea of men that are actually not relationship ready. So you know when I talk shit about that book, please realize that I fucking mean it.

And I don't care.

And that's that. On that someone said villain era.

To be self centered and to tell the truth is not being a villain.

Yeah. Someone said what about why men love bitches? I think that's a pretty good book. Yeah. Okay.

The bespoke said advice on cancer men. Well I'm a Cancer man myself. Even though mostly I don't think I'm a woman, I think that I'm a woman. Honey.

We'Re sensitive and we're moody, so please understand that. Okay? Yeah, yeah. Okay. Let me see what IG is giving and then when I come back to Tick Tock. Okay.

Someone said there has to be black publishers out there. There are. There are. Respectfully speaking. Some of them are good, some of them are not so good. Do these publishers get dating is not a one size fits all? I don't think so.

Okay. Do I. Someone said, do I have a podcast? Yes, girl. It's one of the top podcasts in the world. It's called the get yout Guy Coaching podcast. There's a link in my bio. Definitely check it out. We actually have a new podcast episode tomorrow with Tiffany the Budgetista. I don't know if you're familiar with her. She's an amazing financial coach and she is, you know, getting it together, helping the girls get it together. So we're going to be answering questions all about, when do you talk about credit scores? What about prenups? Like all these? When do we start talking about finances in the pathway journey way in dating, Serious dating, relationship. Marriage. Yeah. Yeah. So it's gonna be someone said, love, Tiffany. Yeah, she's great. So I just want to let you know this was actually a very. A very personal interview. We talk a lot about kind of our lived experience. So I think it's going to be a little bit of different than what you're used to. Okay. Someone said advice for dating in med school. Don't. I was just telling one of my coaches that, like, I've been doing this work for 15 years and I have never, ever seen anything work out with a guy in med school. If you're talking to a guy and he's in med school, end it now. It's not going to work unless you're in med school and y' all are playing Grey's Anatomy. But most of y' all aren't. Okay.

Good. Okay, let me see what else is going on. Ladies, and thank you all so much for the almost 14,000 likes here on TikTok. Y' all doing the damn thing.

Someone said you will sell out for sure if you self publish Someone self published Black women have demonstrated how powerful our dollar is. I know y' all will buy in. I know you all buy it. Do you coach Asian women for sure? Yes, honey, I sure do. You know what's so funny? There's the. The difference in our upbrings are actually not as different as you may think. You know how hard your parents were on you while you were growing up. It's the same for black women as well.

Very difficult. Very hard on them.

So if I do self publish, I'm going to.

I'm going to have the book come out on Black Friday. I'm going to call it Black Girl Friday.

Yeah. So we can really get it together. It'll give you enough time to read it before the new year and hit the new year. The super bowl of dating with clarity and a strategy. An actual dating strategy, y'. All. Can you believe it? Because I know most of y' all don't have a dating strategy.

If you have a dating strategy. No, if you don't have a dating strategy, put Nostrategy on here. I want to know what the tea is. I want to know what y' all are giving.

She said I don't.

Yeah. No strategy. Lots of no strategy up in here, honey. And spell it correctly, too. Thank you. Oh, you didn't. It's not. Start a G. It's stratigy. Okay. Thank you.

Thank you. I appreciate that. As someone who won the spelling bee in fourth grade, that matters to me.

Yes. Black lives matter. And spelling matters. Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you.

Yeah.

Yeah. I say black and brown women, but I coach all women of color. I also have some, you know, some cool white girls in there, too. Girl, no shade. Yeah. So I really do coach everybody.

But you got to be ready to center the black and brown experience.

Some can, some cannot. Okay, so what's that? Watching Anwar's videos equals my strategy.

Zaxy said fairy godbrother. From all that you say, is it really that easy? Well, I think that men are simple creatures, but I think dating them is not easy. If that were the case, then everybody would be dating them right now and dating them well. So I don't think that it's easy.

It's not going to be a cakewalk when you're in my program either. But I do think that what we're able to do in that. In. In my program, and really what the focus is, is when your triggers come up, we get to talk through them, discuss them, and heal them so that you are coming and entering into a relationship and you're not freaking out by every other thing that a guy says.

So that's really what it's all about. Because.

You know, I think a lot of you all get, like, a little bit butt hurt when you, like, see that other people are getting into Relationships. Please understand that most people haven't done the work to actually be in a successful relationship. So even though you feel like you're behind, you're really not. Unless you're doing, like, if you're doing intentional work. Amazing. Right. That you're actually more ahead of those women than the women that are in relationships that haven't done the work. Because ultimately they're going to be in a relationship, they're going to break up, and then they're start from zero with more trauma.

So I think it's important to kind of reframe how we think about this, because most of the time they're not ahead and you are not behind.

Okay.

Brittany, Jocelyn said, I was listening to your podcast. Amazing. Yeah, definitely check out my podcast. My last episode was about how to be detached in dating. I got a lot of amazing feedback on that. So.

That'S great.

Miriam said he cheated, but then bought me a new bag. What do I do?

Cheat on him with the new bag and leave him for the bag. Thank you. Next question.

Hold on, let me.

There we go. Okay.

Let me see. And just FYI, please be patient with me. We have over a thousand people and sometimes this is going a little bit fast. So if I don't get back to your question in about five minutes, please put the question back in there. I will definitely get to it. Okay. As I said, I don't date all at all at the moment. I'm too anxious. Lol. How do I get over dating anxiety? Anxiety is often about not having control over the future. So.

I think it's important to understand, like, to really identify what thoughts you're having that are creating the anxiety. So that is something that you're going to need to figure out. And then after you figure that out, I want us to think about what is the origin story that created those thoughts within your head?

Very important. Okay. Shay said, I love that podcast episode. Thank you, girl.

So Jaded said he's talking about marriage. How do I seal the deal? It's not your job to seal the deal. That's his job. Are you ready for marriage with this man? That's the question that I have. Because if that's the case, so Jaded.

Let him do what he needs to do your job in that moment. And I just want to let you know, ladies, that you get to do this. You get to literally. One of my clients this past weekend shared with me that she got engaged a couple of weeks ago. She graduated my program. I want to say, like four months ago or something like that.

And I tell all of my clients, you need to let these men know exactly. Like not the day, not the month, but at least the quarter that you want to be engaged by. And his job is to do it so you don't seal the deal because you're not proposing to him. But what you can say is, I'd like to be engaged by the end of the summer. That would make me happy. And sit back and wait for him to do it.

Shani, thank you so much for the 12 roses. Pinky Nun, thank you so much for the rose. Sadie said. Omg. What is the name of your podcast, please? The name is get your guy coaching. Yeah. And thank you all for the 25,000 likes already. Y' all doing the damn thing.

Britney said, how to know if it's too good to be true? I think you won't know until you sit back and wait. Time will tell all. And generally it's generally really good for about three weeks. Three weeks or three months, depending on how good the narcissist is. So if it's being. If it's perfect, take your time. When it comes to exclusivity, take the full three months. Because oftentimes toxic and narcissistic guys will flip the script once they have a bit more commitment from you. So the longer that you can hold out, the more you'll be able to see whether it's too good to be true or not. Oftentimes, these guys will show their real face either around week three or month three.

Nikki, Blake, thank you so much for the rose.

Dating Latino men in Houston. Thoughts?

No.

Don't do it.

I was gonna say something that was gonna get me kicked off of TikTok live again, girl. But.

Look, if you want to date Latino man, Latino men, honey, that's up to you. But you gotta understand that they cheat. And I'm not gonna lie about it and I'm not gonna be cute about it. I'm going to be 100% honest with you that culturally they don't find any shame in cheating. And if you don't believe me, my Latina sisters, please tell them. Please tell them what your uncles, what your brothers and sometimes your fathers, no shade. Are doing between the hours of 5 and 6pm right before they come home.

She said, yes. Mexican hair, Latina here. Yep, he's right. Yep. The machismo. Yep, he's right. So, I mean, when they say that they're busy or occupado.

Girl. No.

Occupado with unamu hair.

So someone said a whole Side family. Girl. Yes.

Someone said not occupado. Yes. Si, si, se puede.

Cheat.

Someone said bilingual king. First of all, I'm a queen. And also, I speak five languages. Look, I have been around the world to Nai, and I have. This is why I'm such a great dating coach. Because I've tasted the rainbow for all of you all.

All of you all. I've tasted them all, so I know how each and every one of them move and don't move. Si, los feos. Tam bien. The ugly ones cheat, too. Mm.

Yeah. So what do you think about Chinese men from China, not America, as a dating coach?

Why do you guys ask me. Why do you all ask me these questions? You ask me these questions because you want me to get in trouble, you want me to get canceled, you want me to say some wild shit out of my mouth, and because these motherfuckers record me on my lives, girl. And then they put. They put me in their stories, and then I'm picked up by some random blog in Beijing about how this black dating coach is racist against Chinese men and talk shit about their Ds.

You're not going to get me caught up, girl.

Not today. Maybe tomorrow.

Maybe tomorrow.

Yes.

Why are you floored? Let me tell you something about these Chinese men, though, girl. No shade.

Okay? The gag about Chinese men and even some Japanese men is that their D looks brown. Like, if you didn't know he was Chinese, you would think that this. He's from South Africa. Like, it looks. It's brown. You're like, where did that come from?

Yes, I know a lot of y' all haven't necessarily.

Dabbled.

Haven'T had any of that general style chicken. Honey.

I have so.

Much. Yes, honey, someone said brown. And length or color? No, girl, color, not length.

Okay, so someone said brown meat. I love that for them.

Yeah, A good number of them. You know, like the. The brown Chinese men. Not the. Like. Not the white Chinese men, but, like, the brown Chinese men.

That's. That tea.

Someone said anthropology plus biological reasons, babe. Girl. Avi.

Yes, yes, honey, get into that. This Southern Chinese man, honey, what do they call it? South China Sea.

That's where I would be. Someone said kung pao chicken. I know that's right and wrong at the same time. Respectfully speaking. I have a question for you all.

Do you like it.

Soft, medium, or rough?

I want to know. I want to know because there are certain men that will give it to you rough. Certain men that are medium, and certain men that are soft. Okay. Oh, My God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Okay, there's a little bit too much rough for my liking, to be honest with you. And I have some questions I have. Okay. More of the mediums are coming. Okay. But a lot. Okay, ladies, for the girls who said that they need it or want it rough, why is that the case, girl? Why do you need all of that roughness, girl? Y' all are on the football field talking about unnecessary roughness. Okay, medium. Someone said all of them. Don't be greedy, girl. Don't be greedy. Someone said rough when ovulating. All right, honey. All right. All right, honey. Someone said it feels good.

That's the gag. The gag is that.

When you are a boss bitch in real life.

That oftentimes the only way for us to be and sit in our feminine is to have it rough.

It like it like, no shade. It F's the boss out of you, girl.

Yeah, a lot of us will.

A lot of us need that to be in our feminine. So I want to offer that to whoever needs to hear that, and I also want to offer that you don't need that to be in your feminine.

You don't have to have it. Someone said. Someone wants to be rocked like Sonic rocks. Those rings, honey.

Someone said clocked.

Someone said. Hold on, preacher.

This is very important. And.

I think it's. I think it's important, especially if you're a woman of color and you are in your masculine all day, every day. And you are so surviving and.

Yeah. And no shade, but. Yeah. Some of y' all need to stop. Stop listening to that black erotica, honey.

Y'. All. Y' all listen to that 50 Shades of Black.

Yeah. All right, stop it. Stop it right now.

Someone said. Sorry, can't stop. You're black erotica, honey.

Okay. Someone asked. I'm gonna go. I'm gonna get back to the dating questions. Okay. What other races check for us the most? The gag is that.

If it's. If he's brown, it's time to go to pound town.

So the Mexicans, the Latino men, the Middle Eastern Arab men, they're very much into it. Okay.

Indian, they're colorists. They'll be into the lighter skinned women, the women that look like them, but like the darker skinned women. Not so much.

In my experience. In my experience.

Yeah.

Someone said, do you coach Mexican women that are into African men? It seems I'm only attractive within my own.

I don't know what that means.

I Don't coach anyone to date Nigerian men.

So that's that on that.

Oh, Mexican. Okay, got it.

Thoughts on Dr. Umar? What? Thoughts? Get. Here's the thing. Why should I have thoughts on Dr. Umar when his daughters that he hasn't seen have plenty of thoughts for him? I bow out of that. He's got to see his daughter. After he does that, then I'll speak on him.

Yeah.

And that's on that. My daughters live with me. They're in their own rooms. I see them every day. I'm there every day with them.

So when he's talking about who's good for the black community and who's growing the black community and who's not.

I want to see the receipts.

Someone said you have daughters. I have two daughters and one son.

Yeah.

Okay. Someone said how to get approached more?

Well, first of all, I don't want us to feel like we need to get approached because most of the guys that approach you in the wild are wild. I say this all the time, and I'm going to continue to repeat it. These men that are approaching you at a gas station or a Walmart or whatever store that you're going to. Wait, hold on. Someone said, wow, so you used to be straight Girl.

There'S nothing straight about me. I need you to bring yourself up to the 2000s and the 2000s.

Anybody can have a child. All three of my children were born via surrogacy, by the way. Okay, so just an FYI.

But the question was about being approached. Men that approach you. I want you to think about men that approach you in the wild as beggars, as homeless men that.

Are asking for change.

It's inappropriate.

Those men are.

They're just trying to get as many numbers as possible.

And then they're just trying to. They're going to work all those numbers and see who will sleep with them first. It's a game to them.

So I think it's important for you to understand that, like, the win is not getting approached more.

It's about being in spaces where you are engaging with men that are about something. Have you ever. Have you seen a man that is about his business?

Chatting with random people.

In everyday life, picking up people.

Respectfully speaking.

That'S. And I don't want to be an ass. It's poor man stuff.

Okay?

What I say is I think it's important for us to be meeting men in what I call velvet rope spaces.

Places where not everybody goes to.

Whether it's an invisible velvet rope or an actual physical velvet rope.

Okay.

So what does that look like? An invisible velvet rope? A gala? A conference?

Whole Foods.

Right.

Velvet Road. Spaces are places and spaces where not everybody gets to come in.

Either because they don't think that they belong or that they can't afford to.