Dating Q&A - 03-25-25

Ready to spill the tea? I'm ready to let y' all know about this dating tea, honey, because dating is the most complicated it's ever been. So I want to make sure that if you have questions, I want you all to know that I have answers.

Okay?

Now, for those of you that don't know me, my name is coach Anwar. I am a dating coach for black and brown women. And I help them date with strategy. I help them heal their hearts and really meet high quality relationship ready men. That's what we do here. So I'm ready to spill the dating tea. Yeah. Candice said, anwar, if we have to flee to Canada, is Montreal the move? Yeah, girl, come. Someone said anwar equals answers. I know that's right, girl.

I know that's right.

Someone said, my show is on. I know that's right. Hey, TikTok world. Hey, Adora. Darius. Hello, the Kathleen. I see all my favorites are coming back. I love it. This Chanel. Nicole said, omg. My first live welcome, ladies. Welcome. I'm happy to see y'.

All.

Uja said, hi, Amar. Hey, girl. Hey.

Hey, Clock in, y'.

All.

Clock in. Clock in, y'.

All.

So let's get. Let's get into it, honey.

Let's.

Let's figure out what the T is because.

I want to know what the T is.

I want to know what's going on. So on these lives, what I do is you put your questions in the chat and I'm going to answer them. I'm going to answer them as much as I can. Generally, there tends to be thousands of people, generally around 25,000 people come into the lives between TikTok and IG in like an hour and a half sessions. So sometimes I might not get to your question, girl, if I don't get to it in five minutes. Put it back in there, girl. Put it back in there. And if there's anything that I say that resonates with you that you feel like, oh, shit, she is spilling.

Tap, double tap, triple tap the screen. I want you tapping so much that you get arthritis that you activate your carpal tunnel and we get the party started up in here, okay? Because that's what it's about. We're gonna have fun. We're gonna talk our ish. I'm gonna try to keep it pg, honey, because ever since TikTok has come back, it has gotten trumpy.

You know what I mean? Jelly bean.

Good, good, good, good, good, good.

Hey, Valerie. Hey, Sunny. Hey, free flow queen. Hey, Ms. Leak. Just exhale said and warm. So Excited to see. I'm excited to see you, too. Manuela said, perfect timing. Why?

What.

What's going on, girl? Was tea okay? Someone said I'm a female firefighter. I know. That's right. 100k plus NYC. And the men hate on me. So much. Intimidation everywhere. What should I do?

Here's the thing. And this is no shade.

Girl, you probably stacked you probably in your masculine energy, and you're probably gonna need someone to yin to your yang. So you're gonna need to look for guys that are more feminine. And that works too, by the way. Ladies, if you're in your masculine and you want to stay in your masculine, that is totally fine. It just means you're going to look. You're going to need guys that are nurses, guys that are social workers, guys that are teachers.

That's what you're going to look for. You're probably looking for guys that are like the other firefighters.

That's probably not going to be your lane, girl. That's not going to work. Masculine. And masculine doesn't work. Y' all just gonna fight and bump heads and try to control each other.

So, girl, get yourself a teacher and go happily ever after after. Okay?

Okay.

By the way, it's springtime and the men are springing. So if you're not out now, you're gonna be missing out. This is when things start to get hot, literally and figuratively.

So.

So I need you out and about, and I. I need you on the apps, and I need you living your life like it's golden, okay? If you're not, if you're still working and living from home, girl, you're missing out. Why do I say this? I've been doing this dating coaching thing for a while now, and I will tell you, ever since the pandemic, dating gets 20% harder every year. And I don't say that to scare you. I say that so that you understand what the landscape of dating is looking like. It's getting harder and harder. And so no shade. I want y' all to meet your person this year, because next year it's gonna be harder. And the year after that, it's gonna be harder. And before you know it, most of these guys are gonna have AI girlfriends, and you are gonna go lezi or play Golden Girls, which if you want that, that's fine, honey.

No shade.

But that's why I'm saying, like, now is the time to actually date. Date hard. Get your, get in, get out, turn yourself about. Get your guy. That's the name of my Program. That's the name of my business. If you want to do this, y' all crack it up more. Seriously, do that deeper work. Go to the link in my bio book, a consultation call and we're gonna get you right.

We get women into relationships every other day. That's what it looks like. Because the work works. So if you're interested in that, make it happen.

I have a little kombucha, honey.

I'm in my am I my white woman era, honey, and my kombucha.

Giving gluten free. I'm giving vegan. I'm giving all of it.

Don't listen to me. Listen to me about dating stuff. Don't listen to me about anything else, okay?

Lena said, amore, baby. I was talking to a guy and he blocked me for no reason. No, girl, he blocked you for a reason. But sometimes, here's the thing, A lot of us don't understand how we are being perceived because some of us, and I don't know if this is you or not, I'm just talking in generality because I think someone needs to hear this. A lot of us, things that think that we're funny or that we're being light hearted and actually you're being shady or you're being mean or you're being very judgmental. And no one wants to be around a judgmental person. So sometimes.

We'Re gonna need to talk to our friends and really ask them and sit them down and be like, girl, tell me the truth, am I a judgmental bitch?

Because most of the time when guys do that, it's because you're judgmental and they don't feel safe around you.

And talk to the friend that's gonna give it to you straight, no chaser. They will probably say, well, girl, sometimes, sometimes your shade hits a little hard.

Right, let's go deeper here. A lot of us are judgmental. One, because we actually get compensated to be critical and to have high judgment in our jobs. So we will translate that into our personal lives. So I get that. But this dating thing has to be heart led, not intellect led.

Emotional safety is very important when it comes to dating. And if you are being judgmental, you will never deeply connect with a man.

When he says he wants peace, he really wants emotional safety. Even if you are judging something that has nothing to do with him or the relationship, if he sees and observes you being judgmental in his head, he's going to say, if she can be judgmental about this, she can be judgmental about me.

So something for us to Think about and consider, as we might say, really flippant comments that we think are funny or sarcastic. Girl, sarcasm is the antithesis of vulnerability.

Okay? So we got to get in our vulnerability bag.

Okay.

All right, let's see what y' all are talking about. Tomorrow's stream said, my first live. Thanks for all that you do. Can you explain why the DMV is good for dating.

Upwardly mobile individuals? Pretty liberal.

The thing about the DMV is that generally they will date old. Like, they won't get serious until they're a little bit older. But you got a lot of, well to do men, especially if you're a black woman. Those black men in.

In.

In the DMV area, they're checking for you. It's not like la. The black men in LA are looking for caucasity and Latinity.

And that's T. And if you're in California, cosine, cosine, please.

So, all right. Muneka Rosas said, I need help. Tell me what's tea Uche said, Amore. Your podcast episode about detachment and dating was so good. Thank you. I appreciate that. So I have a top podcast. It's called the getyourguy Coaching Podcast. Definitely subscribe. Follow. It's on Spotify and Apple. And we go deep.

We.

We talk about the things that need to be talked about. Next tomorrow, I have a new podcast episode coming out with Dr. Tama. She's an amazing, amazing.

Woman.

Spiritual healer, pastor.

Author. We talk about her recent book. She was just on Oprah and now she's on my show and we're talking. We're getting into the weeds of it all.

Yeah.

So definitely don't miss that.

Okay.

Win with wit. Realtor says how soon is too soon to get engaged, So I will tell you this and just exhale. Thank you so much for the heart me.

I think it is important to be in a relationship for a full year. You want to see your man in all the seasons. He might be a hell of a time in the summer, but he might have his depressive episodes in the winter. And you want to be there for all of it. So you want to have at least a year. Now I will tell you, for you know, us more experienced, seasoned girls out there.

Nine months will do. Don't come to me six months talking about you're engaged. That is when a man is figuring out if he wants to be engaged with you or not.

Don't do it. Please don't. Okay. Renee said, how do you keep from being fatigued while dating? You're gonna have to pace yourself. A lot of y' all are going hard in the pain as if it's a sprint and it is a marathon.

You do a little bit each day, 10 minutes a day. A lot of y' all go hour, two hours a day for three weeks and then get burnt the hell out 10 minutes a day.

Okay.

Okay.

Let me see what the girls are talking about. PJ Said, how's Toronto? A mess.

A mess.

I mean, Drake's from Toronto. Enough said. That's really what the boys in Toronto give. Also, the thing about Toronto is that it's so expensive. I mean, I think that the average apartment or house price is 1.1 million.

What does that mean? It means that men are so busy, keep trying to get their money up that they don't have. They're not in a place to actually want to settle down because they don't even feel stable within themselves, to want to feel like they can actually provide for a family.

Okay.

Okay. This is Chanel. Nicole Said, this made my entire evening awesome. I love it.

SMB said, love you. Thank you so much, girl. Anon, thank you so much for the two hand hearts.

All right, let me see what's going on here. Okay, here's one thing that we're not going to do tonight. You're not going to give me a certain kind of guy and then question mark it. So I don't want to hear. I don't want to see things like Pakistani men, question mark.

Namibian men, question mark. Military men, question mark. Okay.

I'm not doing it. That's how they get me, girl. That's how they get me.

Let me see what y' all are talking about.

And thank you all so much for the almost 22,000 likes.

Brianna Chang said, do you recommend Asian countries for black women to find love in?

It's interesting. I think that.

I mean, I have my recommendations in countries, but ultimately, if you're bringing your full self to wherever you go and you have the confidence and you're magnetic and you're the main character, everywhere you go, people will gravitate toward you.

They really will. That's why I love being African American. When I go to Europe.

It'S a different spice and they grab. They love it. Same with Asia, girl. Now they might think that you're Beyonce and if that's the case, let them know that you are.

But doesn't matter where you go.

Come with your full, authentic self.

And.

People will fall in love with you.

I think about Keke Palmer all the time. It doesn't matter where. If she's at the NAACP Awards or she's on Good Morning America, she brings her full blackity, black, enthusiastic self to the party and everybody lives.

Everybody.

So I hope that's helpful.

Larae said, I'm in Maryland and nothing is giving. Well, if you're in Baltimore, I understand why.

But what you need to be giving is safety from the tomfoolery and be more.

Be more needs to be more. But other places should be all right.

Somebody, thank you so much for the friendship necklace. Okay, Be Moody said. How do I overcome leading a conversation? Especially on dating sites, I tend to always ask more questions than the guy. Stop it. That's the masculine coming out from inside of you. You trying to drive everything because you're trying to control everything. You don't need to control dating when if you are putting that much effort, that's why you're probably exhausted on these apps.

Also.

Let these men do all the work.

When you lead conversation, that's like the number one way that you are going to get butt hurt in online dating because 97, 98% of the conversations that you have, you will never meet these guys in real life. You never will. And then you're gonna put all of this effort into chatting with them because you think that each and every person is the one. I want you, when you're on these apps, to think that nobody is the one.

Not, not one of them.

And that you're just on these apps for shits and giggles. That we're just kikiing, we're having fun, we're bantering, we're flirting, and that's it.

If you do that.

I swear to you, in three to six months, you probably will have a man. Most of y' all are not doing that, though.

Beautiful sky said. How can we work with you? If you go to the link in my bio, I have.

A button where you can book a consultation call. Yeah, you'll. It will be an application. If your application is accepted, we will have a call. Not all of the applications are accepted. No Shade.

Hi A lot said. I found my person, but he's moving to Africa.

Well, if he loves you, he'll move back.

Don't follow a man.

Don't cross international borders or waters for a man.

If you've done that in the chat, put a hashtag. I was an idiot. Why can I say that? Because no shade girl. I was that girl. I was an idiot.

Girl. I moved to Germany for a man.

Girl.

It was girl. It was a Fourth Reich.

Girl.

Girl. Yes, honey, the fourth and maybe the fifth all at the same time, girl.

Someone said, okay, you wasn't always wise. No, girl, that's why. That's why I. Girl, that's why when I tell you the tea, please know I've lived through it and survived.

Girl, I went over. I thought he was it, girl. I thought he was it.

And you.

Someone said the D was that good.

Real talk, girl, the D was not even that good. He was Turkish, girl.

And.

Mirhaba, the D wasn't even that good.

But.

And I think that this is like.

A story.

If you are. What was happening for me was that I was romanticizing my life.

I had created the story of my happily ever after.

People are saying, we can't hear you. Yeah, girl. Because I picked up my AirPod and then my iPad went to the AirPod.

Yeah. All right. Let me see, See what's going on.

I think the little turkey connected, honey.

Let me see what's going on.

I think I might have to disconnect the AirPods.

Someone said, that's better now. Okay. Lord have mercy.

Sorry, girl.

That's what happened, girl.

That's exactly what happens when you mess with Turkish D. You will go deaf and not so, so deaf.

Girl. It was a mess. It was a hot ass mess, girl. It's still getting me messed up.

Someone said, what was the best D I had.

In the chat? Let me know the best D you've ever had. I think it is.

For me it was Italian.

For me it was Italian. Someone said, as a Turkish girl, I'm crying, girl, for nothing. Someone said, a white man. Someone said Brazilian, Finland, Antiguan. Jamaican. Okay, I understand Jamaican for sure. Oh, my God. Lots of Jamaicans and Haitians.

Middle Eastern, someone said, not African. Someone said German.

I feel that also. I still feel it. Someone said French. I see that. I see that. Okay, I'm getting a. I'm getting a lot of Nigerian and Ghanaian. They already got a big head. Don't. Don't build them up. Don't build them up. I. I've only seen one black man, which I think is really telling, girl. Really telling. Someone said, half black, half white from Spokane, Washington. Girl specific much?

Yeah. Black skinny gamer probably has the best D in the world, but you didn't hear it from me.

Yeah, black skinny, unemployed gamer.

Who'S poor and who has red hair.

Over.

Over, over.

Gone to the Lord now, honey. Gone to the Lord.

Yes, honey. That unemployed D is diabolical for sure.

Someone said, oddly specific. How do I know?

How do I know?

Oh, yeah. And if he. If he got locks. Girl.

Give it to God. Girl. Go to the white light.

Go to the white light. Okay, Sonia said, tell me more about your Turkish man. His name was Michael. And.

Girl. Okay, I think that this is really important because I think that that's. This is what a lot of you all do. And I don't want you to do this anymore.

We romanticize the early parts of dating.

And we kill ourselves when we do that. Who else is the girl who is thinking about what the wedding pictures are going to look like and what your children are going to look like on the first D? Who else is that? Girl? Don't leave me alone here. I will. All of you. Do you hear me?

Good. Most of y'. All.

That's what's killing you.

You're romanticizing dating and dating. Oh, my God. Someone said I'm creating AI babies. There are websites where you can put somebody's picture in your picture and see what your babies are going to look like. That's what I did when I was doing my surrogacy journey. Girl. It was a mess.

So stop it. Stop doing that right now. Yeah, the ox. The oxy. Someone said the oxycontin. I mean. I think you mean the oxytocin. Girl.

Girl. Don't do that. Don't do that. Girl. Okay, so dating is not romantic.

Dating is not.

Like. What's happening. Oh, someone. Girl. My life is already getting restricted. Girl.

Girl.

Because I read the thing.

Okay, that's too bad. Anytime you talk about any sort of drogas.

They restrict it. Girl. Okay, so now nobody's gonna watch the. No. No one's gonna be able to watch this live anymore. But it's okay. We're gonna still keep on going. Okay. Dating is not personal.

Dating is not romantic. The romance starts when.

You are getting to know that person.

And that person is getting to know you later on in the courtship.

These men are not even real until you get past a date. Three with them.

I need y' all to understand that. Basic Valen said. You speak Spanish. Porsupuesto. I speak six languages. I have been around the world to Nai. I can flirt with men in 13 different languages.

Because I'm that girl. If I'm going to say that I'm the best dating coach out there, I got to let you know that I can make it happen anywhere I go.

Yeah.

So.

It is important for you to understand these men are not real. What's happening is that you're projecting your fairy tale onto these men and it's not fair.

It's inappropriate.

Right, they again, they are not.

Right. They again, they are not real until they get past the third date. And guess what? 97% of the men that you meet will not get to a third date.

Okay.

Okay.

What else? What else is going on? What else is going on? What questions do we have?

Okay.

What else? What else is going on? What else is going on? What questions do we have? Roro said, what do you recommend for apps? Hadn't had much luck in person, so app recommendations are something that I definitely give to my clients. It's like the first thing that we do when you come into my. When you get into the programs because it's based on age, location.

Skin color, size, personality, all of that. Yeah.

Ray said, ooh, that hurt. But I needed it. I think we all needed it.

Jasmine said, why won't he move in?

Why do you want a man to move in with you if he doesn't want to do it? You gotta step away, girl.

The way that it looks like is he's got to be begging you to want to move it forward.

If he doesn't do that and you have to drag him and ask multiple times for something.

Girl, it's like me when I was 14 years old and my mom had to drag me to church every Sunday.

Mad as hell in the church. A damn fool. Same thing. Don't do that.

Don'T do that.

Okay. Yeah, honey. He don't want to live with you, girl, because he wants to. What was that song? The freaks go out at night. The freaks go out at night.

Okay.

Okay. After My own Heart, IG says dark skin in la, open to mid looks and races. Nothing. Nothing happening. Any tips, girl? You don't have to get it with a white man.

White.

That's just it. Wide radius, no shade. You're probably going to meet a white man from Pacoima, girl.

And if it's not white, she's probably going to be Hispanic.

Okay?

That's what it looks like.

And that's no shade.

Okay.

Yeah. Someone said if she's dark skinned, Italian men would like her. Yeah, but they're not a lot of Italian men in Southern California.

That's the unfortunate part.

Okay. Sabrina said, are your timelines the same when you come with kiddos from a previous relationship? Yes.

The timeline that changes is. Or what I would say is that I think it's important for you to think about when you're going to introduce your kids to him and I think it should be a little bit later.

Okay, Let Me see what y' all are talking about.

Kalisha said, thoughts on getting married young? I personally wouldn't do it.

Talk to people that are 32. This is what happens. The people that get. Unless you live in the Midwest, girl, do it. If you're getting married at 26, most of those people are getting divorced by 30, 32, because things change for men between the ages of 30 and 33. They go through what I call like a second puberty. So they become completely different people. If you're getting married at 26, most of those people are getting divorced by 30, 32 because things change for men between the ages of 30 and 33, they go through what I call like a second puberty. So they become completely different people. So that's something that happens. And then for many of many of your friends so that's something that happens. And then for many of many of your friends that get married in the early 30s, they're getting divorced by 37, 39.

Right? Someone said, I married at 22, divorced at 29.

Don'T do it. You are a completely different person.

At 25. Then you end that. Get married in their early 30s, they're getting divorced by 3739.

Right? Someone said, I married at 22, divorce at 29, 32.

Completely different. Someone else said, don't do it. You are a completely different person.

At 25 than you. Don't do it. I married at 26, divorce at 35.

Yeah.

Okay.

Jaja said, what is your relationship status like now?

Well, I'm married. I've been married for over a decade, and I have three children. So my relationship are 32.

Completely different. Someone else said, don't do it. I married at 26, divorce at 35.

Yeah.

Okay.

Jaja status is suburban mother and wife of three. Suburban mother of three, wife of a white man.

I said, what is your relationship status like now.

Tonight? He just said, oh, I. I got a. I got a promotion. I got a raise. I said, great, honey, great.

I'm excited for you.

Well, I'm married. I've been married for over a decade, and I have three children. So my relationship status is suburban mother and wife of three. Suburban mother of three, wife of a white man.

Tonight. He just said, oh, I. I got a. I got a promotion. I got a raise.

We love that.

Okay, can I just say something?

Can I say something, please? I said, great, honey, great.

I'm excited.

I need childhood for you.

We love that.

Okay, can I just be dating everybody?

Is he French Canadian? He sure is. Oui, oui, madame. We. We.

Say something.

Can I say something, please? I need. Especially if you are a black woman, I need you to be dating everybody.

Every third.

I need y' all to be dating everybody.

Someone. Is he French Canadian? He sure is. Oui, oui, madame. Oui, oui.

Person that you date should be a white man. Every third person you made should be. I need, especially if you are a black woman, I need you to be dating everybody.

Every third be a brown man. When I say brown, I talking Indian, Hispanic, Middle Eastern. And every third person you date should be.

Other.

Person that you date should be a white man. Every third person you mate should be.

Other.

Do you hear me?

Date everybody. When you do this, you will 7x your chances of getting into a relationship.

Someone said Dr. Umar told us. No, I don't give a sh. I don't care what Dr. Umar said.

Dr. Umar hasn't spoken with his daughter. He's not a great father.

I don't. I engage with men that are actually great fathers.

His credibility is shot. Also, hasn't he been building a school for over a decade and there's no school that's been built. I don't care what he says. His credibility is shot.

Let's. Let's speak what's real.

What we're not going to do because he has some sound bites is listen to what he's saying.

Girl. He's taken people's money and he has nothing to show for it.

Don't do that.

I think he's a really great example. I want to talk about this for a second because this is how certain black men will get you. They will get you because.

They'Re good with their words. They got swag. And a lot of us equate swag and confidence with credibility.

Swag.

Is a poor man's language.

Historically speaking.

Back in the 1400s in France, the way in which poor men would get women because they couldn't get women.

Was through swag.

Was through talk, love talk.

Okay? That's the only way that they got women, because most of the time.

Rich aristocrats got all of the women.

So what happens for many black women who are surrounded by a lot of poor men is that we get intoxicated by the swag, thinking that it means something. Just because a man is giving you attention.

Don't be fooled by that.

A lot of wealthy, great husbands are boring and corny.

So what?

Get rid of the swag right now. The swag doesn't pay mortgage.

The swag doesn't get the Kids into private school.

The swag doesn't fly you on Singapore Airlines.

The swag has purchased a BMW but is paying $2,000 a month.

And he makes 2,500amonth.

Get rid of the swag. The swag.

Swag is la.

Yes. Divorce swag right now. It's disgusting. It's idiotic.

When someone is giving you all that swag, I want you to think as if their GPA is a 1.9.

And.

That.

They go to summer school every summer.

I don't know if you are like me, but I was a schoolgirl.

Honor roll t.

Those assemblies. Oh. I was getting the awards and you need to be with somebody that was getting the awards to the men that you were competing with academically. Those are the men that you need to be with. The men that were in your honors and AP classes. Those are the men that you need to be with, not the football stars.

Some of us are still dating as if we were in high school. That's what I'm saying here.

And it doesn't work in your grown woman status.

Okay.

Yeah. So.

All right, I'm off my soapbox.

Someone said, yes, I went on a date and he said, you're getting the second round, right? Mm, yeah.

I'm taking my keys and I'm doing a second round the block to my house.

Okay.

Christy said, what do you think if a man moves in and he just left a relationship but wants one with me? I don't think that men are ready to even date until three to six months.

I really don't think that you should. I really don't think that you should let a man move in with you. I think that you should either move in his house or you. You both should find a new home to dwell in.

If he's moving in with you, you are automatically becoming his mother.

Suddenly your house has been. Has become. This is big mama's house.

You know, your grandma's house, where all of the.

Let'S say, people in your family are not very together and so they live with her.

That's how your house becomes. And he will never self actualize into the man that he is to be if he's always.

In your home. Mom.

Someone said, you know, my uncles.

We all know. We all know. We all know those people in our families that can't hold a job, maybe drug dependent, maybe been in and out of the big house.

That need some time to get on their feet. And it's no judgment, by the way. I have people in my family that are like that as well. But your man should not be that person.

That's all I gotta say.

Alyssa said second date at his place. He wants to cook. No, we don't go to a man, we don't go to a place, we don't go to a man's house that we don't know.

One of the things that I think is very important for you to understand is every time you are dating, you are bringing three parts of you. You're bringing your grown self, you're bringing your rebellious teenage self. And you're bringing that little girl inside your little girl self.

I want you to think when a man asks you out early on in the courtship, he's also asking out my 8 year old and my 13 year old self.

Girl, that's To Catch a Predator. Tea?

Yuck.

No, ma'. Am. Stranger danger is right.

Notice that and why I feel like I don't know how to date. Girl, join my program. Book a consultation call so we can teach you. I literally tonight taught. I don't know about 80 women in my program. We have.

Literally every day we're telling you what kind of date it should be. What you should do on the date, how the conversation should be on each date. From first date to exclusivity. I'm teaching my clients how to date. Because guess what? I'm sure your mama didn't teach you no shade.

Thrill said all the boys in the AP classes were white. And that's who I dated then. Good. Date them now too. Girl. As long as they got the 5 on the AP test grown.

Let them have it.

Bersabelle says, should we be reaching out to men first?

You mean telemarket?

No.

Not that.

We don't telemarket men.

Unless you're moonlighting on the side. Honey.

No, we don't reach out to men.

Okay?

Lex said, is exclusivity after one month too soon? Yes, no shade, girl. But you even. You haven't even had your period yet.

Of course that's too soon.

Minimum, two months. Minimum. Minimum. You got to have that time of the month twice before you get into a relationship with him.

Do you hear me?

Especially my heavy flow girls. Shout out to my heavy flow girls.

We got to make sure that he knows how to treat you right when you. When you on your heavy flow, girl. No shade.

Yes, honey, the cycle timeline.

Oh, that's no shade, girl.

That's no shade.

No, we don't reach out to men. Yeah.

Yes, honey. Somebody said empathy check. Girl, my whole family has heavy flow. Girl. I'm that Girl that goes to the store and gets it all. So I've been through it, I know what it looks like. And it's a war.

Okay, Corey said, I'm reposting my question because this chat is insane. It is girl. So it's a clock Me. Someone said, super plus with four S's.

Okay.

Lex said is exclusive. KCH said and or do all men cheat? Not all men, but 70 to 90% of them depending on the race, the demographic.

And the ones that are closer to the 90 percentile are the Latin.

Hispanic.

Men.

Someone said it's in the Bible.

C.

Jesus Christo.

After one month too soon. Yes. No shade girl, but you even, you haven't even had your period yet.

Okay, what dating questions do we have?

Of course that's too soon.

Honey.

Someone said, remember, Haitians are Latino too.

Clock a girl.

Clock a girl. Caribbean history tea for your nerve.

Sometimes you gotta let. Sometimes you gotta let the girls know. Okay, someone said, how do I flirt? Okay, so there are minimum two months. Minimum, minimum. You are different ways to flirt. You can flirt, you can give va va voom. Which is more physical. You can flirt more intellectually, you can flirt more emotionally. Emotional is more like compliments, gratitude. Intellectual is like banter.

Physical is like touch. I live smile. So those are like initial ways to flirt. But the thing about flirting, and you know what's really interesting? You know, I've been a dating coach for black and brown women for a very long time. And one of the things that I've learned is that a lot of. Because in life, a lot of women of color, black women, experience so many micro and macro aggression. Got to have that time of the month twice before you get into a relationship with him.

You hear me.

Chance? That being serious because you want to be respected is your way of life. But in dating, that's not relatable.

That you're gonna have to learn how to banter and flirt. And it feels wrong to do because you always want to be taken serious. Especially my heavy flow girls shout out to my heavy flow girls seriously because of your lived experience. And so. But you're gonna have to learn how to flirt and banter. And because you flirt and banter, it doesn't mean that these guys are not going to take you serious seriously. It mean they're going to actually take you more seriously when you're able to do that, because that's actually how they connect with their guy friends. And I was just talking about this, but the formula to be a wife is homie, lover, friend. If you can't be the homie and you just can be the friend. It's going to be a problem.

Okay?

We got to make sure that he knows how to treat you right when you. When you on your heavy flow, girl. No shade.

Yes, honey. The cycle timeline.

In male left said, my boyfriend joked about punching me and we broke up after I told him to stop because I don't like his humor. Great. You should break up. He's. That was a test. If you were okay with that joke. That was predator tea.

Men don't joke with you.

Men don't joke with you.

Everything they say they mean.

Okay? And they will test you. If they're predators, they'll ask you to do something.

They'll say things like, oh, can you take me to the airport? Or maybe if you're on a date, they might drop something and see if you pick it up for the them. That's why if you're a girl who does too much and you do things for other people, you are going to be catnip for these predators don't do anything for a man. That's no shade, girl.

That's no shade. Yeah.

Yes, honey. Somebody said empathy check, girl. My whole family in the courtship.

Don't laugh at jokes that make you feel uncomfortable. Don't say silent, set the boundary. That joke made me feel uncomfortable.

Yeah, I don't feel good when you say those sorts of things to me.

Keep on his mother effing neck.

Okay. Y' all keep on saying lover girl. They don't think about it as lover girl. They as heavy flow girl. I'm that girl that goes to the store and gets it all. So I've been through it. Think about it as like a second class citizen, that you're there to do work for them.

That you work for them. When you give to them.

They think, okay, she doesn't value herself. So I can do whatever I want with her. I'll make her do anything.

Yeah.

Yeah. Don't try to audition for men.

I know what it looks like, and it's a war.

Okay. Courtney said, I'm reposting my question because this chat is insane. It is great. The lover girl situation, that's the worst thing yet. You can be.

Lover girls get hurt, taken advantage of.

Okay.

They will use you, but you've already used yourself with your labor and your availability.

Yeah.

Someone said, what's the balance between knowing your worth and overvaluing your worth? There's no such thing as overvaluing your worth. Try again, girl. So what's that Clapped me. Someone said super plus with four S's.

As a woman, you are priceless. You make everything go in this world, without you, men are nothing. And this is not me pandering to you. Literally. You know, they have these, like, little, you know, experiments that they do. They put these men on an island and they kill each other.

If you. If you ever read any history books or do any documentary.

If they have a civilization on an island, 20 years later, the only people that will be on that kch said amor do all men cheat island are women.

There's no such thing as overvaluing your worth. You are it all men, but 70 to 90% of them, depending on the race, the demographic.

And the ones that are closer to the 90 percentile.

Okay?

Very important for you to understand. And if you don't understand that, then there it's going to be very hard for you to date. Well.

Real talk. Yeah. Lord of the flies. Tea.

Are the latin.

His.

Got it.

Good.

Okay.

Eva said, getting flown out for a first date. Yay or nay. Hail to the Nah.

Don'T do that.

Don't do that. You need to make spanic.

Men.

Someone said it's in the Bible.

These men work for you.

If he's flying you out.

You are an Amazon package prime.

He's ordering you.

It's not a flex.

He does nothing. His assistant or him. It takes 10 minutes to do that. But do you know how long it takes you?

You have to see.

Jesus Christo pack.

You have to go to the airport. You have to wait.

You have to fly.

You have to be taken from the airport to your destination.

Think about the time, the energy that is involved.

With being DHL.

FedEx. T.

A lot of labor that you have to do.

First date, never that.

Okay, what dating questions do we have? Honey.

Someone said, remember, Haitians are Latino too.

Okay?

It's not a flex.

Girl. A 200, $300 flight ticket is something that we can do ourselves. It doesn't mean that he loves you. It doesn't mean that he likes you.

Clock a girl.

Okay.

Sometimes I want to give some context here. Sometimes what happens when you are a black or a brown girl is we are so used to our fathers and even often our mothers working so much. And the way that our parents let go of the parent guilt of not being there for us and neglecting us as children is to overdo it on birthdays and Christmas. And so you're getting a lot of gifts and they think that that is the way for them to show you that they like you and that they love you. And so what happens when you're growing up is that now you equate money being spent on you with love.

And it's not love. Clock a girl. Caribbean history tea for your nerve.

Sometimes you gotta let. Sometimes you gotta let the girls know. Okay. Someone said, how do I flirt? Okay, so there. Money is not love. Money is the most unromantic thing that you can have. And if. Especially if you have means nothing.

This is very important to understand because a lot of us who maybe grew up with not a lot of money still have money wounds. And so we will overestimate someone paying for things for us, thinking that it matters.

It matters.

Do you know how much it matters?

Are different ways to flirt. You can flirt, you can give va va voom. Which.

Double zero.

I have to clock the money wounds.

I have to clock them.

Y' all say I'm dropping gems. If I'm dropping gems. Tap the screen, honey. Double tap, triple tap. If you have a lot of money wounds, you need to tap the screen 10 times. Just more physical. You can flirt more intellectually. You can flirt more emotionally.

If you start. Emotional is more like compliments, gratitude. Intellectual is like banter.

Physical is like touch from the bottom. Now you're here, you got money wounds.

Okay.

Good.

Yeah. Someone also said not to mention social media.

Pushes that idea further.

So.

And don't. I don't even want to talk about the immigrant parents.

Someone said, do I think that the I life smile. So those are like initial ways to sprinkle. Sprinkle. Woman has wounds. I sure do.

We agree on like 80% of this stuff. Where we diverge is I'm someone that is about love pairings and she is more focused on transactional pairings.

I don't. There's no shade there. We just do different things.

Okay.

Okay. Someone said how to break out of being a lover girl. Flirt. But the thing about flirting. And you know what's really interesting? You know, I've been a dating coach for black and brown women for a very long time. Time. And one of the things that I've learned is that a lot of. Because in life.

Be a no. Continue to be a lover girl, but be a lover girl to yourself. You're going to have to learn how to be self centered.

Again. For many of us who grew up in black and brown households, we learn that parents become number one. Number one. And we have to do everything that they say. A lot of women of color, black women experience so many micro and macro aggression. And we have to Try to vie for their attention and their validation. And so when you get out of the house, that is your bonding pattern. That's your definition of to be loved and to love in an intimate relationship. So then what happens is you just project that on a guy.

So actually what you're going to need to do is give all of that to yourself. Sense that being serious because you want to be respected is your way of life. But in dating, that's not relatable.

That you're gonna have to learn how to banter and flirt. And it feels everything that you do, you're gonna have to do for yourself.

All of the grace that you give other people. You have to give to yourself all the things that you want to do for somebody, you have to do for yourself.

And I, we're only doing things for people. When they do things for us, it was wrong to do because you always want to be taken serious. You're never to initiate anything for anyone. That's how you be in your feminine energy.

You think that if I. Because this is what happened. You were home, you had your room clean, you helped out with the dishes, and you got a.

You got attention for that.

Naj said, not initiating really hard. You know what's harder? Getting the shit played out of you.

Previously because of your lived experience. And so. But you're going to have to learn how to flirt and banter. And because you flirt and banter, it doesn't mean that these guys are not going to take you seriously. They're going to actually take you more seriously when you're able to.

That's really hard.

Miss Talinsky said, can you trust pretty boys? No. When he's prettier than you, you should never be with a man that's prettier than you.

Do that. Because that's actually how.

In what world.

Sometimes we try to get with pretty boys because we don't think that we are pretty. And we want to use being with them to make the world and ourselves think that we're with their guy friends.

And I was just talking about this, but the formula to be a wife is homie, lover, friend. You can't be the homie. And you pretty.

Much.

Don't date pretty boys because they'll make you feel very worse about yourself.

Yep. Someone said, look at Derek Jackson and his ex wife.

If he's prettier than you, he will never be. And you just can be the friend. It's going to be a problem.

Inspired by you. He will never want to do for you.

And you'll End up serving him.

What if he likes you? I'm going to say something that might be controversial, but I think it's very important because I've kept it very real on this live.

Okay.

Everyone on this slide knows a pairing that does not go together.

We know it.

Let's not play ourselves.

In. Male, left said, my boyfriend joked about punching me and we broke up after I told him to stop because I don't like his humor. Great.

Research says.

That you will generally end up with some. Someone at your same attractiveness level.

That's. Those are the healthy relationships.

If he is.

Making you look like Shrek.

He'S not for you.

You should break up. He's. That was a test. If you were okay with that. And that's no shade. Even though y' all are laughing.

I am so serious right now.

I'm not playing games.

Yeah. Someone said, not every. Not even Fiona. Fiona is cute. Girl.

Joke. That was Predator T.

Men don't joke with you.

Someone said just booked a call with you. Good.

This is very important because especially if you're a woman of color, you have a society telling you that maybe you are not the ideal or traditional definition of beauty. So you will try to look at media, social media, and ways for you to feel better about yourself. So you will lean into the pretty boys. Don't do it. That's why I have videos saying, girl, get with the mid guy, but top everything else. Mid looks top everything else.

And people want to shade me, but that's why I get one to two engagements every month.

Because your husband is not your dream guy.

Someone said, what's mid? Like a six, seven?

Yeah.

Yeah.

So that's what I got to tell y'. All.

That's what I. That's what I want y' all to know. Someone said, that's sad. What's that about it?

Men don't joke with you.

Everything they say, they mean.

Okay? And they will test you. If they're predators, they'll ask you to do something.

They'll say things like, oh, can you take. Someone said, the white women get their pretty boys. Let them have them. They're going to go through the same shit, but they're not going to know that they're going to be treated in the same way that they treat you.

Not in the immediate future, but later on.

Take me to the airport. Or maybe if you're on a date, they might drop something and see if you pick it up for them. But.

Let him have him.

Girl. Tiger woods had a beautiful white woman cheated on her like hell. Now, he's not pretty, but I'm just saying, you're thinking that, like, oh, my gosh, we're losing. That's why if you're a girl who does too much and you do things for other people, you are going to be catnip for. These predators don't do anything for a man. And these pretty, you know, boys to some white women, girl, let them have them.

Yeah.

Yeah. Someone said, la carancita women always end up giving 200%.

A lot of these white women can go 50, 50 with some of these black men.

Because their 50 is not their 50, it's their daddy's 50.

In the courtship.

That's why you got a lot of these white girls with these college athletes.

That, like, do a lot for these people. For these college athletes, it's not their money. That's their parents money, generally their daddy's money. So they're not actually giving anything.

But if you're a black girl or a Latina girl.

And you want to do 50, 50, you come in out of your own FAFSA. Check, girl. No shade. The sacrifice is greater. And many of us can't do that because then you can't eat while you study.

Anyway.

Someone said, not my password check. Honey, some of us thought we were rich, honey, at the beginning of the semester. And then 60% into that semester, we understood that we were poor.

That Pell Grant went to hell after that second or third year. Honey, honey, you were living in that freshman year, junior year, you got. You had a thousand dollars in Pell Grant money. Honey.

Freshman year, you had $10,000.

People saying, that's me. Yeah, girl, it was me, too. We all live. We all live that same life.

Funny, funny story. I went to boarding school with a pal. I was actually tennis partners with him.

Yeah.

It was a junior year. I was eating cup of noodles. Same, same.

Just because I have a rich life doesn't mean that I didn't come from humble beginnings. Honey, this is a homeless to Harvard story over here.

Yeah, good. Okay, let me see what time it is. I'm going to maybe be on here for another five minutes or so. So ask your questions now before I get off the call. Because, honey, I. I need my beauty sleep.

It's hard for me to stay this pretty.

Okay.

Trudy says I have a boyfriend right now. How can I tell if our relationship will lead to marriage? I literally just did a video about this. About. You can tell based on your boyfriend's skills if he has relationship skills or not.

If he has an ego. It'll the relationship will last six to 12 months.

Maximum.

If he has communication issues or childhood ish or he's unwilling to compromise, maximum, the relationship will last three to six months. If he's dishonest or not, romantic or not in his masculine, the relationship will last zero to two months. Months.

That's how you know if it will lead to something long term or not. But also if you've been in a relationship for less than six months.

Like.

Men think about timelines differently. Like, he's not even thinking about.

Like marriage with you until the six month mark of a relationship.

So.

That'S that.

Someone said, Anwar, how do I get over being ghosted? Well, first of all, I think it's important to understand that for many of us that are ghosted, it actually has the same effect of us physically being harmed. So I just like want to honor kind of how it feels. But I think it's also important to realize that, like, if someone is ghosting you, then he was never meant to be your boyfriend and he probably doesn't have the relationship skills to be a great boyfriend anyway. I think a lot of us are actually like, making it mean that his inability to show up means something about you and your worthiness and your distortedness. Dating is not personal.

It might feel personal, but it's not. Most of the time they're doing this with you and 10 other people.

They'Re ghosters.

Give up the ghost, girl.

It's very important. I will also say that.

Anytime I hear that, I know that you're taking dating too personally.

So there's a level of detachment that needs to happen if you were to be successful in dating. And a program like mine could definitely help you with that if you're interested.

Right.

Someone asked, how do we detach? I literally had an episode on my podcast about that. So go to my detachment and dating.

Podcast episode. The name of my podcast is the get your guy coaching podcast. And I literally talk about this for a half an hour.

Okay.

Shiki Nae Nae said, do you assist with etiquette and poise training? Well, I will tell you, with a name like Shiki Nae nae, that is not etiquette and that is not poise.

But on a more serious level, now.

I don't. And the reason I don't is because those things are not going to get you into the healthiest, most successful relationship of your life.

You being your full, authentic self is what is going to bring success here. And for many black and brown women who shapeshift depending on if they're with family, parents, friends, men, work. It is very difficult for someone to do.

But you got to be able to bring your full, authentic self so that you can be full, fully loved.

That's important.

The poise, the etiquette.

You'Re cosplaying femininity.

You don't need to do that. Part of getting into your feminine energy is actually.

Doing deeper work. Work that we do in this program, in my program. This is inner child womb healing. So that the femininity can naturally come from within you.

Instead of you thinking that you crossing your leg is going to help you get a man or using a certain fork.

And I'm saying all of this with love because I want you and everyone else to know, especially if you are a woman of color, that your femininity is much deeper than red lipstick.

And a red dress.

It's much deeper than that.

And I want to offer that to you and anyone else that wants, that needs to or can hear it at this moment.

Someone said a real man will bring that out naturally. No.

It'S not a man's job to make you feel more feminine.

That's your job.

It's your job.

Your job is to come.

Into your dating life leading with your feminine so that you can naturally attract the masculine and detract and repel the feminine men or the men that are in their dominant hyper toxic masculinity that want to forcibly submit you into your feminine. Both men are dangerous. And one of the biggest and best strategies in dating is to learn how to do this from the jump from the get go.

It's not a man's job to do that. That's yours if you want to learn how to do that. Definitely book a consultation call with me and we'll help you do that.

All right.

Good. I hope that this live was helpful for you.

Absolutely. Had a amazing, amazing, amazing time chatting with you all tonight. Check out my podcast. We have an amazing episode coming out tomorrow morning. And again, book a call if you want to do this work in a deeper level.

Okay.

Good. Be well and I will talk with you all soon. Bye. Bye.

Don't laugh at jokes that make you feel uncomfortable. Don't say silent. Set the boundary. That joke made me feel uncomfortable.

Yeah, I don't feel good when you say those sorts of things to me.

Keep on his mother effing neck.

Okay, y' all keep on saying lover girl. They don't think about it as lover girl. They think about it as like a second class citizen that you're there to do work for them.

That you work for them. When you give to them.

They think, okay, she doesn't value herself, so I can do whatever I want with her. I'll make her do anything.

Yeah.

Yeah. Don't try to audition for men.

The lover girl situation, that's the worst thing that you can be.

Lover girls get hurt, taken advantage of.

Okay?

They will use you, but you've already used yourself with your labor and your availability.

Yeah.

Someone said, what's the balance between knowing your worth and overvaluing your worth? There's no such thing as overvaluing your worth. Try again.

As a woman, you are priceless. You make everything go. In this world, without you, men are nothing. And this is not me pandering to you, literally. You know, they have these, like, little, you know, experiments that they do. They put these men on an island and they kill each other.

If you. If you ever read any history books or do any documentary.

If they have a civilization on an island, 20 years later, the only people that will be on that island are women.

There's no such thing as overvaluing your worth. You are it.

Okay?

Very important for you to understand. And if you don't understand that, then there. It's going to be very hard for you to date. Well.

Real talk. Yeah. Lord of the flies. Tea.

Got it.

Good.

Okay.

Eva said, getting flown out for a first date. Yay or nay? Hell to the nah.

Don't do that.

Don't do that. You need to make these men work for you.

If he's flying you out.

You are an Amazon package Prime.

He's ordering you.

It's not a flex.

He does nothing. His assistant or him. It takes 10 minutes to do that. But do you know how long it takes you.

You have to pack.

You have to go to the airport. You have to wait.

You have to fly.

You have to be taken from the airport to your destination. Think about the time, the energy that is involved.

With being dhl.

Fedext.

It's a lot of labor that you have to do.

First date, never that.

Okay.

It's not a flex.

Girl. A 200, $300 flight ticket is something that we can do ourselves. It doesn't mean that he loves you. It doesn't mean that he likes.

Okay.

Sometimes I want to give some context here. Sometimes what happens when you are a black or a brown girl is we're so used to our fathers and even often our mothers working so much. And the way that our parents let go of the parent guilt of not being there for us and neglecting us as children. Children is to overdo it on birthdays and Christmas. And so you're getting a lot of gifts, and they think that that is the way for them to show you that they like you and that they love you. And so what happens when you're growing up is that now you equate money being spent on you with love.

And it's not love.

Money is not love. Money is the most unromantic thing that you can have, and especially if you have means nothing.

This is very important to understand because a lot of us who maybe grew up with not a lot of money still have money wounds. And so we will overestimate someone paying for things for us, thinking that it matters.

It matters.

Do you know how much it matters?

Double zero.

I have to clock the money wounds.

I have to clock them.

Y' all say, I'm dropping gems. If I'm dropping gems, tap the screen, honey. Double tap, triple tap. If you have a lot of money wounds, you need to tap the screen 10 times.

If you started from the bottom. Now you're here. You got money wounds.

Okay.

Good.

Yeah. Someone also said not to mention social media.

Pushes that idea further.

So.

And I don't even want to talk about the immigrant parents.

Someone said, do I think that the Sprinkle Sprinkle woman has wounds? I sure do.

We agree on, like, 80% of this stuff. Where we diverge is I am someone that is about love pairings, and she is more focused on transactional pairings.

I don't. There's no shade there. We just do different things.