Dating Q&A - 03-30-25

Hello, hello. Hello, everyone. Welcome, welcome, welcome. For those of you that don't know me, my name is Coach Anwar. I am a dating coach for black and brown women. I help them heal their hearts and find love with amazing, amazing, amazing men. In my program, we get about a woman into a relationship every other day, which is so exciting. So awesome. So super excited to be doing this work and to be helping so many amazing women out there. Yeah. So.

Here'S what we're gonna do tonight. What are we gonna do?

No shade, bitch. We're gonna get your motherfuckin dating life together. Because I already know.

That it is not what it needs to be. No shade. That's no shade. And that's no shade, girl. And that's no shade. And that's no shade. Yeah.

Someone said, let me get comfy for my show. I know that's right. Yes, Aid Mubarak, honey, All that tea, y' all better start eating, honey. Eating these men.

You hear me?

Okay. Melinda said you're 100% right about the mids. Yeah, honey, y' all need to get with these mid men. Honey, I'm tired of you getting with these pretty princesses.

Yeah.

That'S what I want to know. Someone said we listen and we don't get offended.

Yes, honey, I'm. Tonight, here's the thing. Here's the thing. Here's the thing, though.

TikTok has been on my ass like white on rice. So, like now.

Hey, hey, Mona, girl, I'm getting a third of the views that I used to get. They every time I'm on live, they, like, restrict my lives because, you know, I talk about a lot of different things, so. But guess what? I don't care. I'm still going to give it to you straight. No chaser tonight. It's not dating tea.

Tonight. It's dating tequila. Do you hear me?

Do you hear me? Someone said, what is mid.

No shade, girl, right now you're mid.

Mid means like mid cute. So he's like a 6 or a 7. Don't do. Don't do a guy that's an 8, 9, or 10 physical, okay?

Don't do a guy that's An 8, a 9, or a 10.

He will make you. He will make you feel ugly.

You hear me?

I swear to God. Because the mid men have something to prove, so they're going to, like, overcompensate in other areas, and you will always be taken advantage of, okay? Mid cute is like a 6 or a 7. Mid ugly is like a 5.

Maybe a 4. So.

Ugly is like a 3 or below.

No shade. No shade. No shade. No shade. So what do we do here? We. You ask your questions and I will answer them in the order that I see them. And.

Yeah, that'll be that. And if you want to, like, work with me, definitely click the link in my bio book a consultation call. If the application is where it needs to be, we'll definitely make sure that you have a call. If not, we'll put you on the wait list. Okay. Okay.

Let me see what's going on here. Let me see what y' all are talking about because I already know y' all talking mess.

Let me see what's going on here. Let me see what y' all are talking about because I already know y' all talking mess.

Of course she's calling me.

No, girl, I can't call you now. I'm talking to my girls mom. I'm on the phone with my friends.

Okay, what are you all talking about? Okay, someone said, Danny said, how do you feel about Facebook dating? So Facebook dating is making a slight comeback. No shade. So.

I still need a couple of months before I'm gonna actually recommend it. Okay, so. But I've been hearing some pretty good things about Facebook dating over the last couple of months, so that's that on that.

Okay.

Caviar said, Facebook dating in 2025. Are we joking? Girl, here's the thing about life.

Sometimes it's like you go all the way. It's cyclical. You go all the way around and things come back right. Girl, weren't we all wearing bell bottoms like a couple years ago? No shade flares.

Same girl. These apps are cyclical. One year it's hinge. One year it's Bumble. 1. 1 year, it's Facebook dating.

Right?

So that's that. Okay, let me see what's going on here. I got to scroll all the way up, cuz. Y' all already talking mess, honey. Already talking mess. Ebony said, I got a midman. Ooh, chow. I don't know. That's right. Someone said the mids want 19 year old supermodel. No, those are the. The P, E R, V s. Girl, maybe if I spell it, the TikTok won't get me. Christina said, I love you, amore. Thank you, honey. Thank you so much. Nia said, amber, what do I do once that a man knows that I have no family? Girl, these men don't care if you have a family or not.

The thing is that.

That is something that you don't want to share with him until later on when you get to know him. Because if you share that at the very beginning. Here's the thing. A lot of you all are, are trauma dumping on these men. If you're on a first date with a man, don't tell him about your trauma. Don't tell him about your homeless to Harvard story. Like you're trying to get into college on a full ride scholarship.

Girl. No, shade, you know they kicking out all the DEI stuff, girl, all the affirmative action. So don't play affirmative action in your dating life.

Don't try to pull out their heartstrings so that they'll like you.

When, when you.

Because when you do that, you are really going to be attracting like toxic and narcissistic people.

Do you hear me?

Who did that for their college applications? I'm just a poor black girl.

Don't do it, honey. Don't do it.

It's never going to work. It's never going to work.

Yes, honey, we had to get that scholarship some way somehow.

Don't do it in dating.

So, girl, you have no trauma. You.

All your relationships were bombed, but you just decided it wasn't for you.

You grew apart.

You focused on your academics and your job, but now you're focusing on your love life. There's no, I don't have a lot of experience. There's no I'm, I'm a virgin. There's no I'm a late bloomer. There's none of that.

Do you hear me? Yeah.

We'Re not discussing exes on the first date. Someone said so. Like. No, girl didn't say that. If they're asking you. Oh, talk to me about why your last relationships didn't work out. Grew apart.

I leaned into my career because. No, shade, everybody's leaning into their career.

Right?

And if you're, if you aren't, then you probably under or unemployed.

Yes, honey, what did they do in the military? Don't ask, don't tell.

Correct. It's never about lying. You're never going to hear me say lie. This is about giving a cute overview.

Yes.

Yeah. Someone said, love to see you. I hope you're having an amazing day, babe. Totally, totally, totally, totally. Okay, okay. Erica said. Erica Ann said. Do you recommend a phone date before a first date? Oh, my God. Yeah, girl. You never want to go on a first date with somebody and you don't even know if you like them.

Sometimes you go on a phone date and you realize, oh, this person doesn't have a personality.

That this man has been using ChatGPT to text you.

And you think he's suave. No, girl, Claude, AI is suave, not him.

Okay?

Yeah, honey. Lame. GPT.

You think I'm lying? These men are. Girl, you chatting with AI, girl. No shade.

Because none of these guys have game, girl.

So please understand.

You want to have a phone date. Make sure it's real. Make sure the personality is real. Honey.

Yeah.

You think I'm lying? I'm being serious. There are full on apps where guys are using it. And you thinking that he's just so witty.

No, girl, that AI went through 300,000 permutations to figure out the perfect thing to say to you.

Someone said the way I use ChatGPT to text people back. Vanessa. Girl, don't do that.

Don't do that.

Don't do it, girl. Yes. P said I felt catfish when I met him in person. I'm sure you did. That's why we need a phone date with these mofos now, girl. Yeah. And if you are 40 plus, it better be a video date.

It better be a video date. Because you know what these old men are doing? Honey, Honey, they are showing you pictures from 1995.

You think they look good for the age, girl. And then you go out on a date with them and they're a gremlin.

They're looking like those weird aliens from Harry Potter.

It's weird. Don't do it.

Get on that video day. Yeah, honey, the hobbits. Honey, you know I'm not a nerd like that. You know I don't know anything about that mess, girl. I'm too cool for that.

Girl. These old ass men, girl.

Always a video date.

Always a video date.

Okay.

I hope y' all are listening to me. This is not Anwar trying to be funny. This is Anwar trying to save you from some men that are trying to suck the youth out of you.

And if you're a black woman, please know that your DNA is everlasting. It is the most powerful DNA to have on this earth. And these men will want it.

Illuminati.

So you have to be weary.

Of who you give your energy to.

Yeah. Okay. How fast is too fast to get engaged? Well, I will tell you this.

On average, it takes my clients about six to nine months to get into a relationship, depending on where you're at. Now, if you live in California, Texas, Florida, Atlanta is going to take close to 12 months just to find your guy. And in my program, our perspective is that you want to be in a full relationship. You want to be have a relationship for an entire year before there's any sort of engagement, marriage situation. Okay. So we're looking at.

Minimum a year and a half.

Okay.

Yeah. I said the. The whole state of Texas.

I didn't just say Miami too. I said the whole state of Florida. Because Orlando is a fool and so is Tampa.

Someone said, how do we enroll? You have to go to the link in my bio and book a consultation call because respectfully speaking, we don't take any. Everyone, I was in New York this weekend and women were coming up to me and they were like, oh, I had a consultation with you, you know, a month ago. I said, oh, hey, girl, what's going on? So did you want to join? They said, oh, no. You told me that I need three to six months of work and then to come back to you. Then, girl, do it.

You please understand you have to be coachable because we're going to give it to you straight, no chaser.

We're here to get you into the best relationship of your life. I'm not here to go back and forth with people who don't want to be coached.

We've seen, we've been doing this work for over a decade. We've seen it all, we've coached it all. So if you're the kind of person who thinks that you know better than everybody else is probably not going to be a good fit.

Okay, so how do I book a call with you? Go to the link in my bio and book a consultation. Someone said, is it 20 year old, friendly pricing? I don't work with anyone that's younger than 26.

I'm helping people get married or in long term committed relationships. Men younger than 26 are not serious. Respectfully speaking. They barely finished puberty.

So can't do anything with that.

Brisa, what made you become a dating coach? Well, I have to tell you, I have been doing this work ever since I was in elementary school, helping boys talk to girls and girls talk to boys on the playground. Girl, I was double dutching.

And I was balling with the boys, so I was always in between the groups. You know, y' all don't know, but I'm like 6, 2, 6 3. I know I'm a little something, honey, but yes, I am a man, honey.

So, yeah, I've been doing this work all my life. And.

It wasn't until I graduated from Columbia, got my MBA there and my girlfriends and I would touch base after graduating and I'd be like, girl, how's life? And they were like, you know, job is bomb. Home is bomb. Car is bomb. Traveling is bomb. Love life, shit. I was like, oh, my God, that's ridiculous. You are amazing. And me being the type a person that I am, I was like, girl, let's just get this solved for you. And that's what I did.

And, you know, within a couple of months, they were in relationships. Within a couple of years, they were engaged and married. And at that time, I was managing billion dollar budgets for fashion companies. And I was like, no, I want to do this. I love this more. And that's what I did. And I've been doing it ever since.

Gigi said, you give the best advice. Thank you so much. I appreciate it. Oh, big news. I found a literary agent that I'm going to be working with. It's the same agent that.

Represents Mel Robbins. So we about to be a New York Times bestseller. About to make it happen, honey. Yeah. And this agent, because I have been looking for an agent for months now, ladies, all of these other agents wanted my book to be like a book for all women. And I was like, hell to the no. This is a black woman's book. There are no books for dating as a black woman woman. So it was something that I was not going to compromise on. And this agent was like, hell, yeah. Let's lean into it even more. Girl, they. Girl, no shade. Girl. They said, we don't even want you talking about brown girl. Just black women. Girl. They. They said, no brown girl. Sorry to my brown ladies out there. Girl, sorry, girl, it's a black woman's book.

Get into it. Get into it. Yeah.

Someone said, are you ever going to give advice for us? Rainbow community? Girl, my advice is for.

Everyone. The thing is, this isn't. My advice is you don't. It doesn't matter whether you're pan les bi. It's about energy. It's about masculine, feminine energy, all of that. So, you know, 5, 10% of my program has bi les queer women in there. Yeah. So I'm telling y' all all about this book that is basically already written, which I'm really excited about. I think that.

I've had so many downloads about how to make this book even more amazing. So. Oh, my God. I'm trying to make this the book, the book for all black women. But, like, because I know y' all mamas are not teaching you how to date. No shade. In the chat, let me know, did your mama teach you how to date?

Because she can't teach you what she didn't know.

Right?

Right? Nope. No, no, no. No, no, I think that's gonna be the title of my book, honey.

Yeah. So y' all gotta support this book that's coming out. All right? That's all I gotta say. You'll hear more about it. You'll hear more about it. But just wanted to let you know that.

But basically y' all said, no, honey.

Because dating is a war, honey. And if you're not prepared, if you don't have the right weapons, the right shields and protections, girl, you're gonna get injured, you're gonna get hurt.

And so my intention is to make sure that you are fully prepared when you're in these dating streets. Okay?

Right. All they said was don't be fast and don't get pregnant.

And they said, keep those heads in the books and those legs crossed.

Yeah, you are right. Somebody said these black men need dating coaches, too, because they don't know how to date. That's 100 true, honey. That's 100 true. As she said, this book needs to blow up like Steve Harvey's. Think like a mambo. You mean this nasty son of a gun here? You mean this nasty.

This is where. This is where. This is where I keep my throw up, girl.

Girl, this is so outdated. Graw. This book is, girl.

You talk about this book, that. That tells you that, oh.

Just sleep with your man to make him happy. Whatever he wants. Give him.

Disgusting. Someone said, not you having the book, Girl, I am surrounded by three more than 300 dating books.

Yes. Yes, girl. That's right, girl. You mean this man who has a relationship book even though he's cheated on multiple women?

Why do I have it? Because here's the thing. I have all dating and relationship books. Because even if I don't fully agree with what people are saying, I still want to know what they're saying. That's why my shit is legit. Because I take the best out of everything and my own genius and I mix it up like jambalaya and I give it to you.

Yeah.

That's what a researcher does.

That's why when I say things.

Girl. It's been validated by multiple sources.

Now, I will tell you, 20% of this book is okay. The other 80% is.

Okay.

Someone said, are you gonna put in audiobook? Yes, girl.

Yes, ma'. Am.

Correct. Correct. Correct. Let's. Thank you so much for sharing this. I didn't want to go there, but I will. Someone said here, he didn't even write the book. Black women did.

Please understand this. He didn't write the book. Someone asked Me. Why do you wear two rings? Because there is a wedding ring and an engagement ring.

Y' all should always have two rings.

Rings, plural.

Okay, girl, let's get into this. Dating her name.

Cuz the girls think that one ring is enough. I know my help is needed.

Okay, bye. Judy said, anwar, it's been three months. No commitment. So I started distancing myself. I miss him. Girl, don't distance yourself. Cut it off. He's not ready.

You miss him. No, you don't miss him. You miss the attention that he gave you. Find that attention somewhere else. No shade, girl. Get a dog. They'll always give you attention.

Yeah, you miss the idea of him. You may not miss him. You might. You might miss the attention that you got. But you. I don't think you miss him. I think you miss the person that you were when you were with him. How you felt while you were with him. But you might not miss him.

Okay. It's very important distinction to make.

When I tell you, most of the time, the thing that messes you up as a black woman dating or a woman of color dating is because when you're growing up, there's so much neglect and you don't get the attention that you actually properly deserve. Any little bit of attention.

Completely does. Wrecks your nervous system.

It torques you the hell out.

That's what makes dating harder for a woman of color.

And the other thing, and I was having this conversation with a good friend of mine, is.

In white households, white most, not all. Most white households are children centered.

Most black and brown households are parent centered. Shout out to my immigrant girls out there too. Y' all know who you are. It's even more extreme.

And so when you, when that is your bonding pattern, what happens is the way that you think about relationships is centering the other person. But those white girls out there, they are completely like their normal way of being is being centered.

This is very important. This is why it's different. This is why you. There's more work to be done.

If you are a woman of color.

Okay.

I'm so sorry to tell you this.

Yeah. And definitely not all, by the way. Right. I'm so sorry to tell you this, but respectfully speaking, you're starting at. On a scale from 0 to 10, you're starting at a negative.

So a lot of women come to me and they're like, coach Anwar, I've done all of this work already and I'm like, bomb, girl, bomb. But we're still at a five or a six. Even though You've done an eight or nine worth of work.

So there's still more work to do, unfortunately, to get you to a nine or a ten.

Okay, someone people are saying they're feeling sad. I'm gonna let you feel sad tonight, but tomorrow we're gonna make it happen.

Sophia said, what is the work, girl? The work is in my program.

The work is allowing yourself to be centered and not feeling guilty about it. The work is being able to set boundaries and not feeling like you're mean or a bitch or whatever it is. The work is learning how to be vulnerable and express your feelings.

Right. The work is healing your inner child wounds so that you're not centering your parents.

Or you're not like approaching or engaging in your love life as if you were still that 8 year old little girl.

As some examples.

Okay?

That's the work. Because when you're leveling up on those things.

Respectfully speaking.

All of these guys that you're talking about, all the piss in the pool and all, none of that will matter to you because it's not even going to be on your frequency.

Many of you are tripping.

Because you're engaging with these guys and you're seeing do they have what it takes and you're being affected by their level of like where they are in their lives.

If you're not there, it's not going to affect you.

So please understand, if you're someone who is like, there's no one out there for me. All these people are da da da da da da da.

There's still I want to offer for those that are ready to hear it, there is still work for you to do. Because if you're still affected by that, you're not ready.

Because for you to be ready, there is a level of acceptance that has to happen where you get to just let them be who they are.

And when you allow these men who may not be ready to be who they are and where they are in their journey.

Then you're at a level of acceptance where you're able to accept your partner for who he or they are.

And acceptance equals love. And not just that. Because if you're able to accept somebody for who they are and not trying to change them, you're going to be able to fully accept yourself, which is one of the hardest things to do.

Even if you think that you're the most confident person in the world, there are still things that I'm pretty sure that you haven't fully accepted. And you are going to need to to be in the healthiest relationship of your life.

Very important.

Okay? That's the work that we do in this program. Someone said, saw you jamming in Brooklyn. Yes, honey, I was.

Girl, I was. I was in New York this weekend. She was busy. She was busy.

Yeah. Someone said, I need to do more work. We all do. We all do.

Red Super Giant said, my mom's listening from the other room. And said, yes, honey, that's what it's all about.

Sue said, I gave a man, I think, my number, but he called 10 years later. No, he. He not ready. He's not ready. He's not ready.

Yes, honey, I was in Brooklyn.

Well, I was in the. I was in the Upper east side, but I partied in Brooklyn for the girls who know. No.

Okay, what dating questions do we have? Ladies, Do I work with Canadians? Yes. I work with women all around the world.

Someone said, how are the puppies doing? Girl, they doubled in weight. They're in there. They're acting like teenagers trying to rebel. Honey, they're good. Ms. Britney, Ms. Beers.

Okay. Journey to Blue said, does damsel in distress still work.

If you're cosplaying it.

I think it works, but it works on the wrong kind of guys. I think that there's a balance here. And I was talking about this with some of my clients in that.

It'S about intention. No, I was talking about this because I had a podcast episode that I recorded live in New York, and I was explaining to them that this isn't about stroking a man's ego. If you cosplay your damsel in distress, then you are censoring a man because you're doing it for him.

Instead. The way that I want you to think about this is in your queen energy. And a queen actually doesn't do much for herself.

She's very clear about what she wants and how she feels, and then she's up. She is allowing other people to do that work. And that's what I want you to allow these men to do.

Let them do things for you.

And I know that that is harder to do than to say.

But it is a game changer.

This is about interdependence, which is a very important point in concept, in relationships. As. As a woman, I want you to know that you can do all of these things, but I want you to be able to take some of these things off of your plate for your own convenience, for your own peace of mind and stress levels.

Okay? Not because you're trying to.

Stroke his ego, but because it feels good for you.

Okay? User227 said, how do I ask for gifts? You don't.

You don't ask for gifts.

What is this, Christmas?

What is he supposed to be, Santa Claus?

The way that you will receive gifts is by being fully obsessed with yourself.

Why?

Because when you, like, can't get enough of yourself and you actually treat yourself, he will be. If he is your to be your man, he will be so inspired that he will want to give to you.

You want them to give you flowers.

Like these that I get every two weeks.

The way that that starts is by having flowers around your house and starting to get them for yourself. And when you're texting him and you're like. And he's saying. He's saying things. Oh, what did you do today? Oh, I went to the farmer's market and I got myself some flowers because they always make me feel really good, and I love the scent that they bring to my kitchen.

Do you see how you're obsessed with yourself? And now he's going to be inspired and he's want. He. He is going to want you to feel those same ways, but he wants to be able to provide those feelings for you. You.

See how that works, ladies?

See how sometimes one plus one can equal three.

That's what I'm talking about, girl.

And this is why I say dating is a skill.

It's a skill, honey. Some of y' all just asking men for flowers, asking men for gifts, girl. Don't ask a man for much of anything. Don't definitely don't tell a man.

To get you these things. Don't have that expectant.

Energy. Don't have that entitled energy, girl. That is a repellent.

When you say things like, oh, I thought you would have gotten me flowers or something. You never getting flowers from that man again.

That's not how it goes, honey.

And that's the thing, right? That like many of us actually don't understand or know men.

Because we're not, like, engaging with them. We don't hang out with them often. We don't have close male relationships. So many of us don't know how to navigate and be with men and understand.

Like, what satisfies them.

What they want, what they want to do.

Asia Renee said, but Shara7 says you can ask for money and things. Now I'm confused. So the difference between Shara 7 and myself is that she is focused on transactional relationships. I am focused on love relationships. You get to choose what kind of relationship that you want to be in.

You know.

And no judgment, no shade. You get to do whatever you want to do. You grown.

Yeah.

Okay. What.

What questions do we have? Someone said, what's the T on the NBA? What do you mean? You want to get me in trouble again?

You want to get me in trouble because I done already talked about celebrity D size. I already talked about DL, and please understand that some of these people are trying to come for me.

So what trouble do you want me to get in now?

Let me know, honey. Let me know.

Nidra said, how do I become open to being the receiver? So let me just say this. Someone. Oh, my God, you guys.

This is deeper work.

This isn't about just putting on red lipstick and a red dress and thinking that you're in your femininity.

That doesn't work. That's cosplaying femininity. This is actually about healing. Often time your mother wound.

Because you're not in your receiver or your feminine energy because you grew up with a lack of feminine, energetic love.

Oftentimes our mother is being overly critical or judgmental.

That's what this is about, and that's what we do in my program. Yeah. So if you're interested in any of that, definitely go to the link in my bio and book a call.

But that's the work that we gotta do here, ladies. Again, this is the difference between dating as a woman of color, a black woman, versus dating as a white woman. If you're a woman of color, it's mostly about your mommy issues, your mommy wounds. If you're a white girl, no shade. It's mostly about your daddy wounds, mostly.

Excuse me.

That's why this black woman's book is so important, because it's a different experience.

Thank you for all the blessings, honey. Continue to bless me and continue to pray for me, honey. Be. Because these Nigerian men are still trying to hex me, girl. I feel it. I feel it.

And they probably hexing you too. In more ways than one.

Yes, honey.

Someone said, stop. I'm talking to a Nigerian man right now, girl. No, you need to stop.

I don't need to stop. You need to stop talking to that Nigerian man.

Please.

The only people that can deal with Nigerian men are Nigerian women. They're doing the Lord's work, not me. Let those Nigerian beautiful queens have those Nigerian men. Please.

Let them have them.

They go together real bad.

Someone said, but some of us are Nigerian, girl. I mean, 23andMe said, I'm 25. Nigerian, honey.

Girl, we. We're all. We're all Nigerian. No shade.

But let Those women have him. Have them. And real talk, ladies. If you are an African American woman and this is no shade.

Most of them are not taking y' all seriously.

Respectfully speaking. They often think of African American women as placeholders and end up marrying the Nigerian women.

And this is no shade. I just want to give you the tea. I want to give you the tea because not a lot of people are telling you that.

If you ask any. Any of them to tell you the real tea, they'll tell you.

I mean, most of them have families in Nigeria anyway. No shade. So. Or have a whole family and a whole house across town.

A Nigerian house and family.

Yeah.

So.

Just so that, you know, most of the time, that is the tea.

Someone said, is this for Ghanaians as well?

Okay.

Bye, Judy. Sam. Or teach us black women how to let go of wanting to be with black men. Well, that's not my job.

What I will say is that.

I think I always tell black women that I want you to date everybody and see who treats you the best.

Yeah.

Oftentimes we will only date black men because we are trying to rewrite our own. Excuse me, my stomach. Rewrite our own histories with our fathers.

Because let's be honest.

Many of us didn't really grow up with fathers that were in the house every day. And even if they were in the house every day, they came home from work beaten down and.

Had dinner and went to bed. Had dinner, watched TV and went to bed and didn't spend quality time with us. Couldn't talk about feelings with them. Overcompensated with gifts and money and not with attention and cherishing and quality time.

So many of us think that we. We're going to.

Fill that void with some black man.

And it doesn't work out that way.

Oftentimes it's that.

Okay.

Which I think is important. Not all the time. Some of it is also just feeling safe within our community.

Which I also want to honor.

Yeah. Someone said, I feel like I'm in therapy right now. Part of my program can feel very therapeutic. I would say about a third of my clients also are in therapy while in my program. But these are the sorts of conversations.

That we have that I think are very important.

Okay.

Yeah. So definitely go and book if that's something that's of interest to you. No pressure, girl. We're going to be here. Please never feel like I want you to get into this program right now. Apply when you're ready.

Okay?

Okay. Good. And thank you all on TikTok for the 84,000 likes already. I appreciate it.

Let me see what questions we have.

Am I on twitch? No, girl.

Do I look like a girl? That would be on twitch?

No, girl. I'm on messy TikTok, and I'm on messy ig and I'm on YouTube.

Princess said, why can't some men handle a feminine woman? Because they're feminine and they don't want to go. Leslie, with you.

A lot of men are used to being in, like, more emotionally intimate relationships with their mother. So their bonding pattern is with. Let's be honest, most black mothers are in their masculine energy. So they're used to dealing with masculine, energetic black women, which makes it very comfortable for them to be in their feminine.

So, yeah, these men don't want to go. Leslie, with you, honey. No shade.

I don't know what to tell you.

Someone said, no shade, but all the shade.

It's really not. It's really not. I'm. I'm in my. Let them era, girl. If they want to be feminine, girl, let. Girl, let them.

Let them.

Someone said, that's why my ex husband wanted to be pegged. No, girl, your ex husband wanted that, honey, because he needed to feel alive. He wanted to feel like a woman.

A lot of that is wanting to be centered, wanting to be adored, wanting to be.

Pedestalized.

Yeah.

Okay, let's see what else. What questions we have. Ladies.

Please come speak in Houston. Girl. I was there in November. Girl, Houston is a mess.

Literally, a hot mess.

Okay? And one sauce said, what's the tea on the white boys? What do you mean, girl? What do you mean? What's the tea with them?

I need more of a specific question than that.

Yeah.

Someone said, houston, Dallas, or Austin?

I would. I would prefer Dallas than Houston than Austin. Not. Your ma said, would you ever write a book? Because I need it. I've written a book, signing a contract with an agent tomorrow. I'll probably be getting a deal next month.

So last night, I was in New York visiting with a number of my clients in New York. And one of the things that was very important, because I'm seeing a lot of questions around offline dating, getting, you know, approached, asked out. Please understand that all of my ladies that were with me last night got at least two or three numbers.

And you know what I did?

Do you know what I did? Ladies, it's very simple. I literally looked at a boy. I said, can you come here? And he would come, because men like to be told what to do. And I said, oh, hi. What's your name? And he Would say, you know devonte? I'd be, oh, devonte. Oh, this is my friend Sarah. And then I would just leave and then they would talk, exchange numbers and girl, there we go.

It's that simple. It's that simple.

And thank you so much, TikTok for the 1001000 likes. I appreciate you.

That's how we do it.

If, okay, this is the gag. If you see a guy and he's by himself and he's drinking a drink.

He want, he wants conversation. He don't want to be in that lounge or that club looking like a perv. Girl, no shade.

So have a wing woman. When you go out, especially to places that are popping.

And have your wing woman work for you and you work for your wing woman. There's no, like, there's no excuse for. Not every time you go out getting two numbers and having one guy buy a drink for you.

That, that's got it. That's a challenge for a lot of my clients. That's what I challenge them to do every time they go out. You gotta make it fun. You gotta make it a game. Yeah. Someone said, are you tired or high? Definitely not. Not that, not the latter. No. The gag is I was out until like 2 in the morning and then I took a flight. I had to wake up at five to come back here to Montreal. And then I've been working all day. So I'm chill, I'm happy. Not really tired, but chill.

Someone said, how rude. Girl, I don't. Girl, I don't take anything like that. Someone said, the grammar in this comment section is terrifying.

Not the grammar police in here, y'. All, Y' all better. Y' all better be careful, honey. The grammar police is here.

Do I speak French? Maybe I speak like six languages, but I can flirt in like 13 of them.

Okay. Someone said, what attracts white men as a light skinned.

I think that.

European white men like lighter skinned women, but American white men aren't really feeling the lighter skinned women. What they tell me and what I see is if I wanted it to look like that, I would get a brunette.

Again, no shade. My experience.

What I'm hearing.

Deandra said I paid for drinks on a first date.

What does that mean?

Can I come back from this or just drop him because he let me.

Don't just drop him. Drop yourself.

When you're going out on a date. Girl, put your wallet underneath the driver's seat. Girl.

You don't even. You don't have a wallet. Girl, you don't even have a credit score. You have nothing.

Girl, don't ever. Don't ever pay for a first date, ever.

That is not a flex.

He will respect you less when you do this. You will drop it. There's no coming from this.

You're not coming back from this. Now, you're big money.

Now. You are. You're his investor.

You hear me?

No, ma'. Am. No, ma'. Am. Pam, right? We're not telemarketing. We are not.

Donating.

You know those Santa Clauses that ring the bell for Salvation army? And you, you give those little coins? That's what you did for this man.

Girl.

In this economy.

You paying for date, but this inflation rate.

Girl, you better than me.

Okay? Don't ever do that again.

Okay?

It is actually very, very important right now to not pay for anything more than ever, because no shade, ladies, I don't know if y' all know this, but we basically in a recession, and you want to know if he's relationship ready or not even in this recession, because a lot of guys, they're not going to want to take you out.

They don't even know if they got a job next week.

So this is part of your evaluation criteria while you're dating these men, you have to give these men.

Tariffs, just like Trump's giving tariffs.

Girl.

Girl, you gave this man a bailout.

Girl, you gave tax cuts to the rich. Girl.

What are we doing?

No, ma'. Am.

All right. Do you hear me, ladies? We're living in a new world.

And we have to date as such.

Ariana said I was giving him money.

While in jail. Girl, then you should have been on Love After Lockup. I want to say this with love and respect.

Don't engage with men that are in jail.

And I know that's not politically correct, and everybody deserves a second chance. And. But, girl, do you know that recidivism rate, Girl, it's high for a reason.

And most of those guys are getting it in with other guys. And the STI rate for those men that start up in there is 20%, but when they leave, it's 80%.

So you giving him money and he's giving you STIs.

Don't do it. Now, I will tell you, most of the time, the women that do this right, jail or prison, I don't care.

Do it because.

They are starved for attention.

And these women, jailbirds and prison babies got nothing but time to give you that attention. And respectfully speaking, when they give you attention, they're getting attention from you.

You're helping them make the time Go faster.

Because all they got is time.

They don't have anything else.

Don't get intoxicated because you are.

Like, mistaking attention with actual love.

And we don't judge here. This is not. I'm not calling people out here. This is a call in because I know that there are women there that really do like the attention because we're human. And a human need is for attention, for validation. And I get that this isn't the way to do it.

Okay.

Okay, good. Because that's dangerous.

Very dangerous.

Okay, let me see what y' all are talking about.

Someone said, but jail dudes, you know where they are at all times. So do the security guards.

Okay, so someone was asking about long distance relationships. Erica. When to sleep with someone in a long distance relationship. So I would say that I think it is very important. Do whatever you want. Y' all are grown. I'm not here to police people's bodies or their pleasure. But what I will say is.

I think it is very important. As a dating coach, I'm someone who is of the opinion that intimacy should happen after exclusivity, after investment.

And sometimes that exclusivity happens after a couple of meetings. Right where he's coming to you, you're going to him. Maybe that's two meetups. Maybe there's. It's three. What have you got to figure out what that is. But I would wait until exclusivity.

The men that are serious, they're not trying to rush any of that because he knows he wants to be with you forever.

So he's okay with waiting till you feel comfortable until you want to do it.

Okay.

Okay, let me see. What else are we talking about, ladies?

Exactly. The longer you wait, the more they love you, the more they respect you.

Because, honey, once they get it in, girl, no shade, most of them will be over you.

Chemically and biologically speaking.

Don said, what's the psychology behind being attracted to Y ends?

I think that.

A couple of things.

Oftentimes.

We may be attracted to YNs because.

YNs are bad boys.

And many black girls aren't allowed to be bad girls. And we want to live vicariously through them because we were never given permission.

Or agency to do that. I'm talking to my school girls. I'm talking to my church girls.

I'm talking to.

Any, like, my athletes, very disciplined girls. YNs are young.

The N and NAACP.

Let'S say. Okay, my. The actresses.

Suburban girls you will always be attracted to. Let's just say hood dudes, because they're living their whole lives and they've never. They're never thinking about consequences. And you live your lives leading with the consequences of all of your actions. And there's a freedom there that you've never been able to experience.

So that's 1, 2. You're good in bed.

3. It is because oftentimes when you grow up in this world as a woman of color, a young woman of color.

There is an inherent danger in this world.

Right? Yeah, you're right, girl. The instant the. In an NWA girl, I was trying to keep it cute because I have to screen myself for these. These people that are on my butt here on TikTok.

But I was saying, when you feel this in, like this.

Danger every day, oftentimes we will think that if we surround ourselves with dangerous people that they will keep us safe because their danger will be projected to the outside world and they'll be able to protect you without understanding that, honey, that danger doesn't go in one direction. He's dangerous everywhere he is in all his relationships.

And that includes you.

So that's why we might be into them.

It's not worth it, though.

It isn't worth.

Makes you feel alive.

It makes you feel like you on a roller coaster.

And sometimes if you've always lived on the straight and narrow, life can be boring for you.

Because you just doing what you're supposed to do. There's no deviation from the norm.

So sometimes we lean into this because we want to feel alive. But I just want to offer to you that you get to do that within your own life.

Someone said, amber, you had a Y N no shade. Girl. I am a yn.

Girl. I've been a yn.

Have I? No, I just.

Grew up around them. Girl. I started from the bottom. Now I'm here.

So no, that's not my ministry.

Girl. I'm Girl, never that. Not with this Valley girl accent. Could you imagine?

Oh, my God, girl, Never.

I couldn't.

My brand doesn't go with that brand. They don't live for this.

Now. I could snatch them up if I wanted to.

Give them some of that. And the other thing that I think is really important because. Let's talk about the other side. These Y ends will go if you. If you're bougie.

They will go for you because it is a bigger challenge for them. It legitimizes them.

They also start to because they're outsiders.

So even if you're an outsider, even though you're living your life on your own terms, by your own rules, we all want to feel like we belong.

So they will always go for.

The women that are well placed in society, that people respect because they want to be respected by society, and they know deep down inside that they're not.

So their reaction to that is F the world.

Yeah.

Yeah. So all the actresses.

All the suburban girls, all the church girls, all the school girls.

All those athletes.

It's almost like a rite of passage. But my hope is that we skip that.

Because it's a scar that won't heal.

And then what happens? Now we're getting into it. What happens is.

The next two to three times experiences that you have with guys, sometimes we overcompensate in those interactions, courtships, relationships. Because we're so embarrassed that this YN got over on us. Because they will ring you out, they will clock your s, they will leave you empty. And the embarrassment of going through that.

It ruins young ladies.

Yeah.

So.

So much shame. So much embarrassment. Why? It's like, why did I let this broke 1.9 GPA.

Sagging pant boy.

Play me like a PS.

I know. Sarah, I can't believe you're still here. I thought. I thought I kicked you out a couple of lives ago, but you telling T, girl, Because the D was good. D will get you so far, girl, that's. Girl, that's why he has a 1.9 GPA. That's a D, girl. It's a D plus.

Keep up with me, honey. Keep up with me. You might be new here. I'm smarter than those other girls.

I'm not demure.

It.

All right, y', all, what's tea? Let's get into it, honey.

People want to know what happened with Sarah a couple of.

Lives ago.

I told. I asked a question, and I told people that in their answer, they needed to spell things correctly, and if they didn't, I was going to kick them out.

And Sarah.

Got. Didn't go far in the spelling bee, let's just say.

Yeah, awesome. Alma said, I just started listening to your podcast. I love it. Awesome, awesome, awesome. I love that.

My podcast is called the getyourguy Coaching Podcast. You can find it on Apple, you can find it on Spotify.

And someone said, I was there that night. Oh, yeah, I remember. Yeah, girl, I don't do illiterate here. I don't do it with boys. I'm not going to do it with you. I expect more. I expect different. I expect better.

Yeah, we like to have fun here.

Moose said, I need you to tell me what to do if the guy I'm dating revealed that he's Jehovah.

It's Genova. It's a no for me dog.

No.

No.

Don't let him knock on your door.

Don't do it.

Don't do it. Don't take that Bible, girl.

Don't do it.

Someone said, anwar, are you Muslim? Your name is beautiful. Thank you so much. I'm not Muslim. Well, respectfully speaking, I have had some Muslim inside of me, but I'm not Muslim. And I will tell you.

Meh.

Okay. Let me tell you. Tea. Let me tell you t. Let me tell you t. Is it after midnight? Let me see. Is it after midnight? Is Cinderfella coming out? Okay, it's after midlight here. It's after midnight. Okay, good. Finally I get to come out and be me. Honey, Cinderfell is here.

Okay, so traditional Muslim. You know the one, the ones with the dresses. No shade. No shade. No shade.

The Muslims that are dressed to the nine labels. Luxury.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes.

Happy bt. Happy bt.

Yeah. Yes. I'm speechless.

That's how good it is.

Someone said, I heard they get slappy. No shade.

Most.

That's why I was speechless.

That's habibi tea, girl. That's habibi tea. But the traditional ones, and this is no shade. Those. A lot of those traditional ones will marry women.

Any old woman, because they not putting it down so they can just do their stuff with anybody. Girl, no shade. But those luxury boys.

Yeah.

Okay. What other questions do we have? Someone said, I kind of need that.

Yeah.

What other questions do we have? In. In said, girl, how many have you been with? I have.

I've had experience.

In the name of research. I mean, I've done it for you all so that you don't have to do it. Would you really want to sleep with all of the men out there in the world?

I did it so that you didn't have to.

I had to sacrifice myself.

And my dignity.

Research. T. Research. I'm a researcher.

Girl.

The sacrifices that I made.

Why am I not being saluted here? Like, I don't get it.

Thank you. Thank you for some of the salutes. I appreciate it.

Thank you. Thank you. I appreciate that. Thank you. Thank you. I appreciate it. Honey. I appreciate. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Thank you. Okay.

I appreciate it. This. This has been hard service. It's been hard Mission has been very successful most of the time.

Rachel said you said European men don't like black women. Never said that. I've actually said the opposite. Girl.

I would always go for a European man over an American man. White man. That is always.

Okay, what other questions do we. Do we have, honey?

What's tea, Honey, let's get into it.

Cuz. Honey, we have. Girl, I am defending my, my PhD thesis here. For you all are white men who stay conservative in their bumble profiles and automatic no for black women. Yeah, honey, yeah.

Girl.

That'S quadruple K, girl.

What's the tea on Italian man?

Fettuccine Alfredo, tortellini, risotto.

Gelato.

If you like any of those things, then you gonna like Italian men.

You hear me?

Dutch men, girl, if you're a black woman, you can have any Dutch man you want.

Girl, they lining up in front of you and you just pick one and you can have them.

Dutchmen are stingy.

They'll invite you over to their house and then you leave their house and then you'll get a text from them saying you owe me $20.50.

They'll send an invoice.

Okay.

I think my phone went out of battery. That's crazy work, honey. Crazy work.

I guess the tea was too hot, honey. I guess the tea was too hot. Okay, let me give. I'm going to do a few more minutes and then I got to go. So I got to get some sleep. I've been up since five in the morning, honey, and I still look good.

Okay, russian men.

Russian men love confident women.

They like.

So if you confident, they're gonna live for you.

That's what you gotta know.

Okay?

Yeah, honey.

Let me get back on ig, honey, because I already know they're gonna cuss me out. What happened? Where did you go?

Oops. Okay, now we're back at it. All right, Khaleesi, what else are y' all talking about?

Someone said, does the European men loving black women will apply to the plus size women? I want to say this with love and respect.

Europe, European people in general.

They'Re.

I think that.

They don't have as many plus size people.

And so I don't know if they're living for plus size as much as here in America.

But again, I think it's like if you bring your black American princess energy.

They'Re going to be in, they're going to be into the confidence. But I want to be honest, I think that they're more into slim.

Okay.

Someone said IG was frozen. No, girl, my, my, my phone went out of battery.

Someone said, what about Chinese men, girl.

The Chinese are taking over, girl. We all gonna have a Chinese man in 10. In 10 years, girl. Start learning your Chinese.

That's what I think. Ni hao.

You think I'm lying, girl?

You think I'm lying.

Mark my words. Mark my words.

Duolingo update.

Nihau ma.

Okay.

They'Re already in Africa, honey.

Making a. Making a continent full of ushers up in there.

Every new baby looks like an Asher girl. Usher. Raymond. Tea. It's crazy.

Mm.

Someone asked, did I have any research with Chinese men? Sure did, honey.

Someone said it's extra Chinese. No, girl, he just looks like it.

I have. Yes, I have.

Yes. I have a lot of research. My research goes Olympic deep.

I'm talking about those small countries that have, like, one or two.

Athletes.

Been there, done that.

Okay, let me see what's going on here.

Here's the thing. Some.

Okay, y' all are top, yo. There's so much. There's so much going on here. Yes. United nations research. Tea. The thing is, I've done videos about this already.

I've done tons of videos about this, so definitely check out my videos on this. Someone said leos. Yeah. I got laid up on. On Laos, honey.

Somali men. Mm.

Mm.

Do you have any sisters? I have two sisters, an older sister and a younger sister.

Who's your favorite type of man? My husband, of course.

But of course you're not gonna get me caught up, girl.

Try again.

That's right, Sarah. Parsley to ring. Tea.

Take these rings off, girl. I feel naked. Honey.

Seek Sikh men. Sikh men make me sick. Sikh men are sick. Men.

Are German. Stingy. They will be stingy at the very beginning, but you just have to let them know that you're, like, an old school lady. You're not this.

You know.

Nordic equality. Like, equality, girl. And then they'll do what you want.

Someone saying, what's the deal with Frenchmen? What do you mean, girl? Have I dabbled in Irish? I haven't just dabbled in it. I'm surprised I don't look like Elphaba. And I'm just green, girl. That's how much I've been inside and out with the Irish. Honey, honey, the Irish are the blacks of the Europeans, girl. Get into that.

Girl. I'm defying gravity right now.

Girl. My husband is half Irish, girl. No shade.

Yeah, honey, I eat Lucky Charms every morning.

Mm.

Every morning.

Top of the morning. That's right.

How long have I been married, girl? What, 14 years? Something like that, girl. After year eight, girl, you just kind of forget. It's kind of like, oh, we just go together forever, girl.

You know?

That's what that's about.

Okay.

How'd y' all meet? Girl, we met online, girl. We met online.

Haitians.

No comment.

No comment.

Someone said something about Samoan men.

I'm not a fan.

There's nothing for me to be a fan of.

I wish I could. What am I cheering on?

A cherry?

A tootsie roll.

And now. And.

People are saying a cherry is crazy. It's not when you've seen it with your own eyes.

Girl.

Yeah, it's crazy. It's crazier when you see it with your own eyes.

I'm not a fan.

Okay.

All right, ladies. I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go. We should have never talked about the Samoans, girl.

Literal d downer.

Yeah, I have to go now, girl. Because when I start to think about it, I just get into my depressed mode, girl.

Threw my whole shit off, girl.

I'm in a bad mood. I hope I can sleep it off.

Yeah, I'm in my depression era now, girl. Don't bring those mofos up again.

Someone said that Samoans did it. I wish they. I wish they did do it. They not doing nothing.

Yeah, my whole mood is switched, girl, because of their light switch.

Someone said, maybe you had a bad one.

Honey. I have a very significant Samoan sample size. Because that's how I thought, too. I said, oh, maybe because I'm just in this part of the town.

Maybe if I. Maybe if I try some on the island.

Maybe.

I. Maybe if I. Maybe if I try some of the football boys.

Maybe.

Maybe if I start going to the volleyball games.

Maybe.

Maybe if I start getting Hawaiian barbecue every Saturday.

Maybe.

None of them.

None of them.

So when. When you say maybe it was just one.

Maybe it was just 100% of them.

Someone said, I'm hungry now, girl. Me too.

Me too. You know when you go to, like, a fancy restaurant and then they bring you a plate and it's just like this little bit and you're like, where's the damn meal?

I gotta pay 400 for this little thing. And then I'm. Then I'm going to Taco Bell right afterward because I gotta eat.

I gotta eat.

Yeah, honey, no boo Nobu tea.

That's right. A girl's gotta eat. And taco bell is those yns, girl. Taco bells, those y n's.

Yeah.

Someone said, you too quick with these. There is no way, girl. Again, I'm a smart girl.

Yeah, Honey, they're trying to play Tickle Me Elmo, girl. And I wanted to be punched. You hear me?

Yes, ma'. Am.

Thank you for telling TikTok that my content is educational. Nacho average Latina.

Okay.

All right, ladies, I gotta go. I don't want to talk about Samoans anymore.

There is no good that can come from it.

Someone said, make lifestyle content. No, ma', am. That's not my ministry.

Seven said. Anwar, every man I meet is gay. What is going on.

Girl? So much. There's so much going on.

So much going on.

All right, y' all take care of yourselves. If you want to do this deep work with me, book a call. The link is in my bio. Let's. If you want to get a guy, if you want to do the work, I want to do it with you. All right? All right. Be well. I'll talk with you soon. Bye. Bye.