Dating Q & A 04-14-24

Hello, hello, hello.

Where my girls at?

Hello, hello, hello. For my IG girls, can you hear me? Because I have the music on while I am talking. So can you hear me and can you hear me well? Can you hear any sort of music? I'm trying to figure out if I can do this music and talking thing at the same time. Hello, everyone. Welcome, welcome, welcome. What's the tea? Happy Sunday. Can y' all hear me on ig?

The Tick Tock girls. Y' all better hear me, honey. Yes. Okay, good. You guys can hear me. No shade.

I'll tea music is too loud. Kennedy said it's a little loud. Yeah, okay.

Okay. That might be better. All right, honey. Let me see what the tea is. Maybe that's better. If it's too loud. Please, please, please come on to Tick Tock, because I need some music, honey. I need to party.

Yes. Okay, good. Okay, okay, okay, good.

Our queen and supreme leader is back. Am I a Supreme? Am I one of the Supremes, honey? Hello, hello, hello, hello, everyone. Oh, my God, y'. All. Oh, my God. Everyone's saying turn it down. More crazy.

How is everyone doing? Welcome, welcome, welcome. For those of you that don't know me, my name is Coach Anwar. I am a dating coach for women of color. Hold on. I'm just going to turn this music off, honey, because, no, the IG girls don't want to party.

They don't want to party. Hardy people said, where have you been, girl? Someone said you look better on ig. No shade, honey.

Girl, I've been sick, girl. That eclipse got me sick, honey, girl. And people think I'm joking when I say it, but I'm really serious. So the thing in Canada is, without the sun, girl, the. The temperature go down 20 degrees. So when that eclipse was about to start, honey, it was 60 degrees. And then when it really went into its full bloom, girl, it was 40 degrees, girl. And I was out in the cold, girl. You know when you're. When your ears start to do a weird little something something, and you know you're about to get sick, girl, I felt it, girl.

And I was sick. And now my partner is sick, girl. And I had to. I had to give single mother realness all day today. So.

Anyway, I hope everyone is doing well. This is a Q and A session, so if you have questions about dating, love, relationships, men or women, it's 2024 up in here, and we're very inclusive, so you get to do whatever the hell you want to do, girl. But put your questions in the chat. I I'm both on IG and tick tock. And then you can let me know what the tea is and I can give you what I know. Now, if you want to learn more about what I do and work with me, you can definitely go to the link in my bio and check out a variety of different things. I have free trainings in there. I have a link to my podcast called the get your guy coaching podcast. And then if you want to work with me professionally, you can definitely book a consultation call. If you don't want to work with me professionally, don't book a call because your application probably will not be accepted. No, Shade. That's why I do these lives, so that if you have questions, you can definitely ask them here. But those consultation calls are really for people that are ready to work with me right here and right now. Okay, okay. Let me see what the girls are talking about. Now.

M. Davis said, what's the best way to walk up to someone you're interested in and start a conversation? I would say complimenting them. Oh, my God, I love that shirt. Where did you get it from? God, I love your watch. Oh, I love those shoes. Where'd you get them from? And then let him drive it from there. And anytime you compliment someone, they're always going to let their walls down. And you will know for sure when he gives you that smile, because men don't get complimented. No one says, you're hot, dude. Right? So he'll give you that smile and that's when you know you're in. And, girl, he's petty in your hands, girl. Yeah. And go from there.

Okay, let me see what the girls on on TikTok are talking about. Hey, Assured. Hey, Yedu. Hey, Izzy. Hey, Sarah. Hey, mk.

Hello, Renee. Hey, Leah. Hey, Latrice. Good to see you, girl. K1. Hello. 122. Hey, Dulce. Hey, y'. All. How's everyone doing this Sunday? You know, the Lord's day.

Did we not work? Did we rest? Honey, what's the tea? And no, Shade, but why are you here on this live and not out talking to men? I need you all to leave this dude alone and start talking with other men. So while you're on this live, honey, girl, definitely be on those apps chatting with some men. And if you need any help interacting and engaging with them, let me know what they're talking about. And I can always give you some good, some good responses, honey, because here's the thing about online apping that I want you all to know about. Y' all need to stop with these lame ass questions. No shade. Like, I need you to keep it fun and light and flowing, honey. So you get to make dating fun. And I think a lot of times the apps are annoying for many people because they're not fun. Because you're not making them fun, girl. You should be having so much fun. You should be cracking yourself up. And if you're not there, then there's an opportunity. Right? And I want you to think about this. We get to flirt with these men. We get to talk shit. We get to tease them. We get to do anything and everything. And if you're not seizing that opportunity. Opportunity. That's an opportunity for you. Okay? So I want to encourage you to talk your with these guys because they love it at the end of the day. Yeah.

Okay. Let me see what y' all are talking about, what questions you have. Argentina said. Any advice on dating a German man? Yes.

Be fun, be wild and crazy. Because it will allow him to also open up and be his full, authentic self. I lived in Germany for almost two years and first of all, the German men love us. I think I had three proposals during that time. Girl, I could have been Angela Merkel up in here. But I decided to come back to America because, you know.

She didn't want to start World War three, honey. She wanted to go back to America. But anyway, the German men love us and date as many German men as possible. They want to serve you. They want something different. Girl, that German life is boring. All they're doing is washing things and being on time, girl. So you get to be literally the color in their lives. So be fun, be wild and crazy. Because love and relationships are about that yin and that yang. So you get to be your fun and crazy part. And then they get to be the stern in a box part. They love that shit. They love the extreme because it allows them to step outside of the rigid boundaries of what German life is all about. Yeah, I hope that helps.

Good. Let me see what's going on. Michelle said yes. We've been waiting all weekend. Girl was sick. Honey, that eclipse cold got me. Dee said, we missed you. I know, honey, I know.

Hey, Chrissy girl. Hey, Rosetta. Okay, let me see what the girls are asking about.

Olivia said, I love you so much. You've changed my life. Thank you. That's so nice of you, but I just want offer that you've changed your own life. Yeah, cuz I can talk all the I want, but if you're not implementing it, if you're not doing anything with it, then there's nothing to be had. Yeah. So please understand that. Haley said, your skin game looks tight, though, girl. A little bit, girl. I had. Girl, I got a pimple, girl. My daughter said, let me put one of these patches on, girl. I thought I was gonna die, girl. I thought I was gonna die, girl. Not my daughter saying, hide your acne, bitch. That's what she was giving me. So, honey, I have a little patch right here, honey. Gotta keep it cute, honey. Gotta keep it cute, though.

Okay. Brianna said, I'm glad you're better now. Thank you. Kaya said, I missed you. Or Kia said, I missed you. Marwa said, how to get over the fear of getting hurt and played in serious dating by understanding that you. You're going to be hurt. But your job is to have the tools, to have the mindset, to be able to work through it so that it doesn't paralyze you. Right. So many people are waiting for the other shoe to drop. Guess what, ladies? The other shoe is going to drop. What are you going to do about it when it does? You want to make sure that you have the skills to be able to pick it up or allow him to pick it up if it drops. Yeah.

Chelsea said, single mother realness. Yes. Honey girl. I was cooking. Getting them in the bathtub, honey girl.

He said, I'm clearly not my type's type. How to get over this and deal with this? Please realize that your type is not. Your type.

Of. Your type is probably good to hook up with, but your type is probably not good to be in a relationship with.

Hear me? Hear me, ladies. I've been doing this for 14 years, and that is one of the things that I have seen quite a bit.

Some of y' all are wild as hell in these comments. Someone said, and I'm not gonna put her name out there like this sickness brought you skin, teeth, ochre girl, first of all, stop talking about my body. Number two, I was always skinty. Number three, I don't need to get skinty anymore. I need about another 10 to 20 pounds on me. Yes.

When is it time to get a coach? It's time to get a coach. When you busy yourself with work, when you don't know if you have the same patterns in dating and you're not getting past them, you need to get a coach. If you haven't been on a date in three months and you are putting yourself out there, you need to get a coach. If you've put yourself on the bench because you're scared to win, in your, in this dating game, that's what, that's when you need a coach. Yeah.

Lane said. Do you have any thoughts on dating in Denver? Yes, honey.

You want to. You know how Denver is on that elevation tip, girl, and people get dizzy when they're there. That's how you need to be living your dating life. Make these men dizzy, honey. And the way that you do there do that is by elevating yourself. Do you hear me? What does that mean? It means that it's all about you. It's always been about you. Right. And that you have a very high concept of yourself.

What happens oftentimes for many women that are out there is that.

They will pedestalize these men and that often comes from the way in which we've obviously this patriarchal society. But also parental relationships and romantic relationships are intertwined. And so oftentimes you will, depending on your lived experience with your parent. If you've had a mother that's in her masculine energy, which a lot of women of color do have, or, or a father in his masculine energy, when you are dating, you will put men on a pedestal in the same way that you have put your parents on a pedestal. And so please understand that. And I might do a video about this tomorrow. I'm not sure. I've just been like, so.

You will have to de center your parents before you decenter men. And if you don't know how to do that, dating is going to be difficult and hard for you. Okay.

Patagonia said, how do I get out of a relationship I'm not happy in? It will devastate them. So I've stayed girl who cares about them. No shade. When you say that, it lets me know that you're, you're prioritizing this other person over you, which lets me know that this relationship is not healthy at all.

Patagonia Poppy.

It doesn't matter about the other person's feelings because if it's not serving you, then you're hurting and you're ignoring your own pain because it might potentially hurt someone else and you don't even know if it's a fact or not.

Let it go. Life is too short, girl. People are dying each and every day.

And you worried about someone who's going to get over this relationship in a week or two.

Go on. As my grandma would say, go on. Go on.

Yeah.

Olivia said advice for dating as a single mother.

I want if you're a single mother, you're going to have to start acting like an only child.

Most single mothers are in their masculine energy, which means that you're like all day, every day you are used to barking orders at your children and that will translate into interacting with men. And so when you bark orders at men, they're going to be disgusted with you. And so oftentimes many of my single mothers have to really lean in and be intentional about learning how to sit comfortably in their feminine energy, which is what I teach in my programs. But if you don't know how to do that, it's going to be hard to attract truly masculine, energetic men. And you and your masculine will attract either a hyper toxic masculine guy or a guy that's looking for a mother who's regressed into a teenage boy and, and who's more in his dominant feminine energy. Yeah, you got to act like an only child. And what does that look like? It means everything is about you, girl. It means what you want, you get. And maybe act a little spoiled, not overly, but you have to be self centered and you have to be a bit selfish and you can practice that in your everyday life. What does that look like? It looks like getting the things that you want to get first and then getting the things that your children want or need second. So many parents, and I was this, I was this parent too. You lose your identity and your identity becomes, oh, I have to serve these beings. And if you don't check that, you will just start serving these men. You just transfer in your service, girl. It's like transferring your service from one, you know, provider to another. A mobile provider to another.

No, girl, you, you don't want to have any service. So that's why you want to start.

Like when you go to the grocery store, girl, and you're getting all those things for your kids, get your shit first. I don't care if you want to get their favorite cereal. Get your favorite cereal first and then their second. If sometimes what some parents will do and parent knows, parent girl, is when you're so tired, girl, you just eat whatever they didn't eat, girl. You're, you're literally eating the scraps of another person. And literally and figuratively, that can happen in your romantic relationships unless you learn how to order an amazing meal for yourself. Uber, eat it, girl. Uber eat it. Yeah, that's how you switch the game up as a single mother.

Let me know if I'm lying. If I'm lying. I'm dying, honey. Thank you all so much for the 14000 likes. If I am saying anything that's resonating with you here on Tick tock, but tap, double tap, triple tap the screen, honey, so we can get these likes up. Because I'm just going to give you the tea, no chaser. And I try to offer as much as I can on here so that y' all can level up your love lives at the end of the day. Because that's what I want. Whether you want to work with me or not, working with me is a bit different because we go deeper. Right. I can tell you all day getting your feminine energy here, but it actually requires a different level of depth of work to actually heal the parts of yourself that's preventing you from creating that new pattern. That's what I do in my program. And you know I will tell you this, right? And some of these dating coaches out here would be like, oh, you need me, girl. You don't need me. I think that you have everything within yourself. What I think the value add is when it comes to working with a dating coach is that that dating coach can understand what your specific blind spots are and then be able to hone in on them so that you can find your person in six months versus six years. But you can do this, all this work on your own as well. So I just want to offer that to you. I'm nobody's guru or messiah or nothing. I'm a regular degular girl who's been messy as hell but knows a little something something. Yeah, but you do too. You are your own best dating coach.

You hear me?

Good. Big Mac said, how long should the talking stage be? I don't know what talking sage means. Talking stage.

In my programs, in the way that I date, we don't do talking stages. We're chorded. There's a difference. Talking stage means that you're putting in much more effort and engagement labor than you need to be. You need to be giving queen energy. You know that Michael Jackson music video. And Iman is like, these men are trying to entertain her. And she's like.

That'S what you need to be giving. Talking stage gives me 50, 50 energy.

What's that, girl?

None of that.

Girl. You get 50, 50 energy. You're going to get 50, 50 men.

Say hello to my Dominican tonight.

Delicioso.

Let me see what the girls are talking about. And said, is it a bad idea about, is it bad to date a new guy soon after breaking up with your boyfriend? No. You want to get out there sooner than later, right? Give yourself a week or so. But girl date.

I don't know. Damali Thomas. Hey, girl. Hey, author Kelly said, how do we get guys to take the app conversation to the next level? We chat back and forth, but they never initiate anything in person. Your job is not to make men do anything. Your job is to observe whether they make it happen or not. You're going to need to have your own boundaries in dating to be able to say yay or nay. This is one of the things that I teach in my program in terms of a dating strategy that gives you the time boundaries that you need to be able to let guys go or to keep them going just based on what they're giving. Yeah.

Sam said. Amwar, where you been? Twin girl Sick. Sick in the bed.

Alexis said, tips for solo dating and meeting people out. So all of February and half of March, I was talking to all of my clients about figuring out what their flirt archetype is and then aligning what, what their flirting, flirt style or archetype is to where they need to go. If you're an intellectual girl, I'm not going to tell you to go to a sports bar girl.

Yeah. So those are things that I do on my program for sure.

Simply said, where are the men that don't want children? I don't know. But.

I think what I try to tell my people is like, I just want the guy that treats you the best.

Yeah. And a lot of people are focused on he should have children. He should not have children. A lot of women, especially women of color, are very sensitive to men that have children. One, because they don't want to be. They don't want to be like get into this stereotypical with baby daddy drama and things like that. That's number one. But number two, there is an attention and or neglect wound that I want to offer, right. Which is this guy is going to focus on his kids, which means that I'm going to feel neglected. Which hits my trigger because a lot of my. Many of my parents neglected me. So I want to offer that if that is something that has not been explored for you.

Let me see what y' all are ask talking about. Honey.

Joseph, why do I feel so called out? No, girl, you're not called out. You're called in. Honey. Called in.

Sun n said. When dealing with someone who isn't healed and they don't realize it but are taking it out on you, then you gotta leave, girl.

See how I did that? Girl run away. Your job is not to take it. That's the interesting thing about what's so funny. Because when you were a child, you didn't have any agency independence or power. And so depending on what your parents were giving, you just had to take it. And so you think that you just have to take shit when you're dating. And you don't necessarily have to do that. So please understand that when that happens, when you have an unhealed individual that is taking things out on you and they haven't been able to manage their mindset or their feelings, you're going to have to leave. I don't care if it's family, I don't care if it's friends. I don't care if it's, you know, someone that you've known for 20 years. One of the biggest mistakes that I see in relationships, not even just romantically, is overestimating or putting a lot of weight on history and not the present.

And you actually going to have to flip it like the present, what happens in the present actually means more than what history you've had with that person person. Because the present actually indicates more of the future than the the past does.

CJZ and thank you all so much for the almost 39,000 likes. Great first date. Have texted, but he hasn't scheduled a second date. Love the podcast. Thank you so much. Yeah, I had. The podcast is like, I don't know, top 50 in the US right now. Just cuz I only record it every two weeks. But.

If, if you're not hearing a second date within a week, you gotta let them go. Why do I say this? I get at least two to three women in relationships every week. And you have to understand that your guy, you're gonna have to beat him off with a stick. That's how into you he's going to be. And he's always going to want to see you. Yeah. So.

That'S what it looks like. That's what I seen. That's what my experience tells me. Danny J. Should we date men that went to jail?

I'm gonna let the ladies in the chat answer that for you. Okay.

Chicago's favorite nail spa. Men don't approach me at all. Why? I don't know, girl. I'm not there. But what I will tell you is that overall, the approach rate is a third of what it used to be to be. So it's not just you. That's number one. Number two, you don't want men to approach you, especially if when you're in the wild. So like if you're at Walmart, if you're at the gas station, if you're at the mall, you don't want men to approach you, that is. I always think it's important to put yourself in spaces that have a velvet rope. Right. That not everybody can get into. Those are the places that you want to be approached or have interactions with others at. Yeah. So whether they approach you or not, I don't want you to like determine or derive your value for that. Because please understand that if they are approaching you in those places, they think they're hunting you and they think that you are prey. You don't want people to approach you in those, those places.

You want to be approached at a conference, at a museum, at a Trader Joe's, at a Whole Foods, not a Walmart.

Ashley said, omg, I love your tik toks. I need help. Thank you. Appreciate it. What do you need help with? Just Empress. Thank you so much for the 13 applauses. Applause. I girl get my grammar together, ladies.

Bibi said, if you're 35 year old woman, what age should you date? I always say plus 10 years, minus 5 years.

Yeah.

BFF Self Defense said. How do I get into queen energy? Well, you can go join my program. We definitely help you go from whatever energy that you're giving to queen energy. Some ladies start out as the night doing all the work and fighting for everybody. Some ladies are in their princess energy, which still means that they're looking for a daddy. No shade. But getting into a queen energy is the most powerful position that you can be be in. Even more powerful than the king. Yeah. Think of chess.

Queen has all of the power. And I think it's important for you all to realize that you have all of the power as well. This world does not go round without you as a collective. It doesn't continue.

So it is. Your power is based on your boundaries. And for many women of color, you're not. Like, what I know is that we don't grow up with boundaries. And so one of the things that I do in my program, girl, we boundary every day. Because if you can't boundary well, you will not date well and you will not get into great relationships. Yeah.

So Beth said, if men aren't very attentive and curious about your passions, when you're in the initial stages of dating, should you let it go? Not necessarily. Because there are going to be things that he likes that you're not into. Like if he's talking about golf or video games, girl, eye roll, no shade. Right. But I think the question is you want, you want him to be a listener and for the things that he is interested in, you want to see is he asking follow up questions or giving you sympathy and empath?

Venus said, I love your advice and energy. Thank you so much. Krista, thank you so much for the three tick tocks. Rare said, you have really nice eyes. Thank you. Ladies, I want to tell you something. Don't flirt with me.

It's going to get you everywhere.

Also I'm going to, I'm going to tell my husband on you and he will get you. He'll get you.

And he's white too, honey, so he'll use that privilege against you, honey. That's why I got him, honey. Borrow some of that privilege, girl.

Yes, honey. Picasso said, oh, Anwar is going to be extra messy tonight. Not the Dominican bottle.

You mean this big old thing?

Beautiful said, of course. It's just a compliment, not a flirt. I'm just playing around. You must be new girl. You know girl, I, we just. Kiki, we have fun here. Yeah.

Let me see what, what y' all talking about, honey.

Someone said been seeing someone two hours away from three, four, three weeks. How often should we be visiting each other? Probably every two weeks.

Nikki said, the apps are not apping help. Girl. I literally have multiple videos this month.

About getting outside.

How to do it and like who. If you're checking for certain guys where to go, whether it's white, Asian, black, Hispanic, girl, I got videos for all of it.

Jvxoxo said, how's the book coming along? I actually had a meeting with an agent a week or so ago, so I'm doing two, I'm writing two books right now. I'm doing a book proposal for a general bigger book and then I'm writing a focus book for black women. So I'm busy. I'm up at 6 and I'm going to bed at midnight every night. Honey, I'm giving you investment banker hours.

So it's coming, honey, it's coming. I just don't know when it's gonna be done. Okay, be patient with me please.

Because I want it to be, I want it to be amazing. I want it to be.

Bible, honey. I want it to be like timeless. I can go to here and always get my tea. Yeah.

Oh my God. Jama said, hi handsome king.

I guess I'll be a king tonight. I generally like queen tea, but I'll take king tonight. JB said, oh I know, just wondering on the eta, but do not rush. Thank you. Girl.

Someone'S laughing at my investment banker hours.

Cross said, how do you change a cheap man? Or do they never change? They don't change Girl, they don't change.

They don't change.

That's deep seated.

And there are a lot of women out there that, oh, I need to get a rich man. I need to get a wealthy man. Those are the stingiest guys out there, girl. As someone who's gone to top boarding schools and top institutions, those men are the stingiest.

Just like when you travel and you go to some of those poor countries, those are the most generous people that you'll see. That's why you can't just focus on generosity, girl. You're going to have to, you're going to have to focus on is he generous? But also does he know how to solve problems and solve them well? Shonda said, I love you. Thank you, girl. I appreciate it and thank you all so much for the 57,000 likes. I appreciate that so much.

Nicole said, I've been single for so long, I'm feeling desperate. Don't feel desperate, girl. Don't do that. So many people have been single for a long time. It actually is not a true reflection of you. It's more of a reflection of the market. I want to let you all know right now this is the hardest dating has ever been and it's going to get harder. And that's not some sort of scare tactic like some of these other dating coaches do. It feels like a civil war right now. A love civil war. It's never felt like this before.

Now. I wasn't living back then when the civil war was happening, but there was always this patriarchal slavery that was happening. But now it's, it's becoming more of a civil war between men and women. Value systems are different. Men are becoming more conservative. Women are becoming more liberal. Right. You have sprinkle, sprinkle versus drizzle drizzle. You have 4B versus 5G girl. You got all of this back and forth going on where it's just like not speaking the same language, not speaking the same values, having disdain and hate for one another. I haven't seen it this bad in a ever. Yeah.

So if you feel like you want to sit out, totally get it and understand. There's still, you know, 10 to 15% of the guys out there that are relationship ready, but the most of them are not. But that's always been the case.

The important thing that you need to do as you are navigating your dating life is to have a dating strategy. So if you have a dating strategy, or let's say if you don't have a dating strategy, put Nostrategy in the chat. Because one of the first things that I do with my clients is give them a dating strategy for both online and offline. And if you want help with that, I have a dating strategy starter course that you can check out if you're interested, but you don't have to. Yeah, but I want to hear.

Hashtag no strategy. Do we have a strategy? Do we not have a strategy?

Iggy said, how much are the your programs? I have two programs. I have a group coaching container that is in the low four figures, and then I have a VIP personalized program that is in the mid four figures. Jvxoxo said, my strategy is listen to Anwar. Okay, girl, please understand that this is like a sliver of my entire programs.

Okay? I'm seeing a lot of no strategies, ladies.

Here's the gag. Here's the gag. Oh, my God. I'm seeing, like, hundreds of no strategies. Lord have mercy.

You have a strategy for everything else in your life. If you were going to go to work, you would have a strategy for that. If you went to work without a strategy, you would get fired. And no shade, that's probably what's happening in your dating life. You're getting fired because you don't have a strategy. What I know for sure is when you don't have a strategy, it's hard to feel confident in dating, and it's hard to have boundaries in dating. And it's when you don't have a strategy because you don't know what you're doing. Many times, many women will give away or abdicate their power to these men who don't know what to do with it.

I can't. Nothing good can come of that.

It's like if you gave all your. If we gave all of our nuclear weapons to Russia, girl, that's. That's. That's what it's giving.

If we gave all of our nukes to the North Koreans, girl, what do you expect? You're going to be in a disempowered state.

And you're gonna not be as powerful.

Yeah. So we got to get a strategy. And that's one of the things that I help many of my clients do.

Raquel said, are shy men real? Yes, 100%.

But I would say a lot of these men who aren't necessarily approaching, it's not that they're shy. It's just that they don't want to be rejected, and they're very sensitive to rejection.

Maja said, is it a red flag if a man mentions money concerns when setting Up a date. I don't. I don't work within red or green flags. But I will say.

If he can't take you out, he can't be in a relationship with you. And we should not be going out with men who don't have the potential to be in a relationship with you.

Chasing a beat. What's your opinion on Bulgarian men? They got a lot of Bulgarian.

That's. That's what I think.

Let me see what you're given.

Esmerie said 4B is wild. What's wild about it? Honey.

It'S y'. All, girl. It's given west side Story up in here. It's given school days up in here.

These men, this meant this man versus woman thing. Honey.

I'm glad. I'm glad I'm Switzerland. Honey. I'm. A little bit of this and a little bit of that. Honey.

I'm looking on like.

Can'T we all just get along?

That's what I want. Honey.

Yes. Honey, I'm getting a lot of no strategies. Someone said half a strategy.

Someone said their strategy is to stay in the house. Girl, that's no strategy. Girl, that's bunker tea. That's apocalypse tea.

Someone said being mean is my strategy. Been working so far.

Here's what I want you to know.

Meanness gets you. So far, no one wants to be with a bitch. And just like you don't want to be with an asshole. Yeah. So it's cute for a while, but after. What people don't tell you is after a while, those men will resent you. I'd rather you just have boundaries.

Don't have to be mean to men. Cuz after a while, if you do it, especially in public, the resentment will grow up until it explodes.

Luxury said, how can I get a rich white man in Chicago? I don't want you to focus on. First of all, please understand that.

Your person might not be in your city. Yeah. So what you may want to do is have one app in your city and one app somewhere else and move it around so that you can always be the new girl in school.

Someone said, I'm fired as hell. Marley said, bloop. Come for my neck. Yes, honey, I. That's why you're here. I hope I'm gonna come for you, but I'm gonna do it with love and respect.

And Alicia said our strategy is different. Dating men or and women. I date both men and women. It can be depending on what energy you get while you're dating each of them. Like, you can give the same energy to both of them or you can give different energies to different, different ones. So it really just depends. Mohawk Said, where are you reading these questions on both IG and TikTok?

Ms. Said, how are the guys in D.C. dallas? Girl, it's a very broad question.

You got the entire spectrum in both of those. Both of those cities. In every city you'll have an entire spectrum.

What I will say is you dating in D.C. is very, is difficult. You want to date in the DMV area, you need to get in the suburbs, honey.

Alicia Said, do you think it's smart to date someone 15 years older than you? Well, I don't think it's about smart versus not smart. I think it's about.

How does dating this person serve you and why is this person dating you.

If you're 30 and he's 45, he may be in a different, a different chapter in his life.

Yeah, depends. What's your age and what's his age?

Do you ever suggest approaching a man? I suggest starting conversations, but I don't think you should walk across a room and start talking to a guy. But if he's.

Next to you or you can position yourself, have a conversation with the people that are around you.

Yeah. Luxury Said, how can I find an upper middle class man? Okay, girl.

Girl, you should be hanging out in Northern Chicago. Yeah. Not the south side. No shade. They're all in the suburbs. Go where.

Northwestern is, honey.

Hang out there.

Kimichu Said, I feel like the Midwest is so hard for black women. How would you strategize here? So strategy is what I teach my clients how to do. But I will say this, in my experience, it has taken, it takes my Midwest and my like Northeast Glass clients around six months, plus or minus three months to get their guy. I think in California, Texas, Florida and Atlanta it takes my clients a year if not more.

Because the market is different.

Mama Ige said, what if he seemed broke yet relationship wise he's a winner and leader. He can't be a leader and broke.

It's like me saying I'm gay and I'm straight.

Beautiful set. Why do men want so many women? Because that is how they feel more self actualized.

Like men want to spread.

It's like that's how they colonize. Men are colonizer with all of their fertilizer.

That's what, that's, that's how they feel like they are self actualizing. What, what are the people? What did, what did they say in history class? Manifest Destiny, honey. That's what they're giving.

Only some of the girls will get that. No shade.

Okay.

Juice said, who else are like Bulgarian men? Girl, those. The Eastern Europeans, they got it going on.

Who. Who else is packing, girl?

Girl, is it midnight? I don't really get dirty until after midnight. That's when Cinderfella comes out. Yeah.

I think that.

Girl, see, this is why I can't be talking about these things, girl. Because my mind takes me back to these experiences that I've had. Girl. You know how like in those TV crime shows where they're like connecting the dots and they have like a red yarn from here to there? That's literally what I did in my mind. Okay. When I was with that. Okay, okay. The German. Okay. But then I had to go to the Dominican Republic. Okay. Okay. Yeah. Huh. And then the Jamaican. Okay. But then I had to help that Nigerian. I'm literally doing that when y' all talk about who's packing, girl. Because I have like my.

Yeah. Anyway.

Base bunny said, white American men are white European men. Which option is better for marriage? White European men for sure.

Spicy Cajun curls. Said, give me the tea on the Puerto Rican man. Oh, thanks for this hat, girl.

See, this is the Dominican man.

This.

This is the Puerto Rican man.

Oh, my gosh, you guys got me tripping. Girl. Okay, Beautiful says, if the men don't want to be in a relationship, why don't they just treat you like a girlfriend? As in the girlfriend experience?

Because that doesn't serve them. And men are like self serving creatures. I think humans are self serving creatures. Yeah. Girl, you gotta drink, girl. Don't ask questions. You just drink, honey. That's. That's how I used to do it, honey. But now I am.

I'm a suburban mother of three. So I don't really do that anymore as I used to out and about. Yeah. So, you know, I'm going to ballet. I'm not out in these streets acting a fool. But that's why I like, literally like all of my clients, I live vicariously through them. I was just chatting with my client and she has like three guys that are chasing after her and that she's gone on six dates with. And at this point she's just like, well, who am I going to. I don't know. I don't know what I'm going to do. I have another client that is like, has thousands of matches and she. These guys are begging her. She's like, I guess. I don't know. They're just like, they, they've become the CEO of their Love lives, right? And I'm sharing that with you because I think that this is important if you're going to be empowered in your dating life and, like, not care. These women don't care. And that is an important part of being successful in your dating life. Some of these questions. I already know that y' all are caring too much. And I don't. I don't say that to come for you. I say that to. For you to know that there has to be a level of healing first so that anything that happens with these guys doesn't affect you. The reason why they can get there is because they've done all of the healing and none of the shit that these mofos do. Non motherfucking factors, right? That's the work in the program that we do. Yeah.

Glam Tam Tam said too many women forget they have agency over their lives, 100% over their lives, and no shade over men.

That's what I want you to understand, ladies. Girl, you get to tell all these men exactly what to do, and their job is to do it. And if they don't do it, out. That's it.

Okay, let me see what y' all are talking about.

Someone's. Y' all are cracking up. I don't know why y' all are cracking me up so much.

Latrice, thank you so much for the diva hat renaissance that you're already cinder, fella. You don't even know it. Am I? Yeah, girl. I have one Nigerian when I was living in Germany and. Girl.

Girl, stop. No, no, I'm not doing it.

Girl. I'm not doing it. Girl.

Girl, he had face, bone structure, body. When that body is so hard, like an ironing board, girl. Like, like. Like when you doing that ironing and you just going over these ripples, girl. Body was, like, so tight.

And that thing was thanging, girl.

Anyway, Anyway, anyway, Anyway. Anyway. Sometimes my mom comes on these lives, honey, and I don't need to. I don't need her knowing where I'm throwing my. My thing to him or to him. She doesn't need to know about that. She needs to know that I'm a Christian girl who has been going to Bible study and, you know, Wednesday church service and. Yes, and I pray every morning and every night.

Lonesome. Says social studies teacher here. Love the manifest destiny analogy. You caught that tea, girl. You caught a girl.

Tai X reset. What about Slavic men? If you want to get with Slavic men, do that. But, honey, you'll get hooked and you'll be a slave to them. Honey.

Someone said it's midnight somewhere. I know that's right and wrong at the same time. Y' all are meh. Let's see. Okay, let me see what. What the girls are talking about.

Alona said where to go in NYC to. To find providers. Girl, NYC is so expensive. You can pro. You can find providers in every borrow. Yeah.

So it's. It's the energy that you guys give at the end of the day, right, that will, like, bring on some of these providers. One of my clients was just talking to me and telling me, like, how these guys are telling her. Like, I don't know what it is, but I just. You do something to me. I'm just so inspired. I want to continue doing more and more and more for you because we tapped into that feminine energy, girl. And, girl, the irony is, like.

The irony is not lost on me that, like, me, a gay man, is helping these amazing women of color about their feminine energy. But.

It'S amazing when you get it, when you have it and you allow yourself to have the emotional confidence to allow people. These men, they have to. They should be doing everything for you, right? Like, no shade. And, you know, but I want you to pretend like you have no legs and no arms.

What would you do? People would have to do anything and everything for you, and that's. That's what I want you to be giving.

Yeah.

Adriana said, he knows too much. I've been around the world tonight. I have literally done the research for you all so that you understand who's packing, who's not, because this is important. Lord knows you don't want to be with a Turkish man or a Samoan man or Hawaiian man. No shade. The Koreans, girl. Korean pop. More like Korean flop.

Japanese over Korean all day, every day. No shade.

Yeah.

Sussex Crusade. I'm intrigued by Russian.

Russians are invaders. They will invade your choncha. But here's the gag. Normally, like, Russians are packing, but the Russians that I have had have not been. So that's that. On that.

Ash said, can men tell if you use a Google voice number? Some. Some men can, and if they freak out about it, cut them off immediately. Shamar said, are you religious? I grew up in the church for half of my life, so, girl, I can give you a scripture, because, you know, I'm a girl. I'm a student, so I was giving it.

So that's why when the girls talk to me and they're like, I want a Christian man, I like, I go, girl, you don't want that. No shade. Girl. These, these pastors, these men in the church, girl, no shade. I can go to any church and I can probably get. I can catch a quarter of these men's eyes. No shade.

There's a reason why all those choir directors stay in the church, even though they're being basically shunned at every other, you know, sermon, honey.

But I'm not here to talk about that. Honey. I'm not here to talk about that, honey.

Lou says, how does one know they aren't being fetishized by like a. Not like by a non black man or a white man?

The. The people that are fetishizers will talk about your physicality, will talk about your skin, will talk about your lips.

The gag is guys that are really into you, they'll. They'll definitely compliment you on your hair, though. That's the difference. If this. If guys are talking about your skin, your shape, your skin tone, like your nose or maybe bigger lips.

It's a no for me, dog. If he compliments you on your hair. Two thumbs up.

So just FYI, thank you all so much for the 94,000 likes. If you're interested in working with me professionally, definitely book a consultation call. I will tell you right now that probably next month my prices are going to increase. Okay? So if you have been kind of like, I wanna. I don't know, I wanna do it now. Do it in the next two weeks, girl. Because in May. Hey.

Hey.

New prize.

Okay, let me see what's going on here.

Someone said, how do I book? Go to the link in my bio. And the first selection should be to book a consultation with coach Anwar.

Azora. Bol said, so, like, I've had a man tell me I have beautiful skin before he was looking to make a chair out of me. Silence of the Lambs, part two.

Yes, ma'. Am. Now, I've been to some of the crazier places. Germany, Italy. I've had the most craziest experiences. Stefano said, colombian men are packing. Yes, girl. That's why they. That's why they spell it with an O, girl.

That's how they'll leave you. No shade.

Lina said, why is the payment plan more money overall than in full? Because the payment plan is actually has a longer time, so there's more risk involved. Right. Versus someone that pays up front.

More risk for my company, Dtech said, how do I become a client? Book a consultation call. We'll see.

What if it's a good fit or not. Yeah.

Gaba said, is it bad to ask a man on a date well, we start how we finish. So if you're gonna ask him, you already in your masculine, and what that means is you are always going to be in your masculine and you will always have to provide for.

20 said, Is it wise to reveal how much money you're working with early on with a guy? No, I think money conversations need to happen when there's some sort of commitment and a little bit later on in the commitment, like four to six. Four to six months.

Tyler said, should I go to the UK to find love? Well, I was there last summer and a third of the third of the couples I saw were interracial, so get it where you fit it, girl. Jay said, french guys, French guys are very emotional and like, you can hang out with them for two days and they. Girl, they think that you're in a relationship.

Liana said, as an Asian woman, you are a thousand percent correct. Japanese over Korean, but Southeast Asian be slanging.

Are you talking Indian? Are you talking another Southeast Asian? Because most of Southeast Asians I know outside of Indian are Ken dolls. No shade.

Kendra said, olay ole.

Adriana said, how about those Chilenos? Girl, they. Girl, they're stacked just like the country looks long and skinny, girl, just like this, girl. That's what the Chileans give, honey. No shade.

Nadine said, what if I don't want him packing? No shade, girl. No shade, girl. I just want to make sure that you're satisfied at the end of the day. Like, there are some women that want to be with men that don't have vajayjays.

Joyce says, do men care if you have a car? Depends on what city you're in. D said, advice for dating in Montreal. As a black woman new to the city? Girl.

I live in Montreal with my French Canadian husband. They are living for you. Yes.

So you want to be on that West. Do you Depends. Do you speak French or just mostly English, girl? Honey. Lustify said, do you need to make the first move with a German man?

Sometimes you need to make it very apparent that he has an in with you. And this is how I used to do it, girl. And this is, you can do this anywhere because like I told you before, these men just want to do what you tell them to do. So you can say, hey, you come over here. It's like that. Get over here. Mortal Kombat tea that I used to give them.

Yeah, but yeah, you'll have to do a little bit with those Germans so that they know. Okay.

Okay, let me see what's going on. Active account set so they're DL. Here's the thing that you need to know about men, and especially black men.

They just want to get it in. And if you look at, if you look at any of the Instagram girls, if you look at any, like, corn, if you look at anything, it's based on the derriere. So they're just attracted to the derriere more than anything else. So you gotta, That's. You gotta. You gotta know. Yeah.

And girl, you heard Meek Mill, Puffy, all of the ritual tea. They're all in it, honey. They're. They. They're in it, girl.

I think I told you this already, but I used to live in la. I'm from Southern California. And there used to be these monthly parties that I would go to. You know how sometimes people are invited because they're, like, pretty. So I was one of the pretty boys that would be invited to these monthly parties where there would be.

Actors, musicians, athletic stars, very kind of discreet, very yacht party. Tino Shade.

And, you know, there are a lot of people that were out and about.

Yeah.

So you got to understand, a lot of these men are.

Getting it in. Think about it. When they go to jail, girl, they get it in when they're in the military, especially the Navy, girl, they're getting it in. They don't care. They just want to get it in.

Anyway. I need. I need to stop before they come and get me, girl.

Lenny said, what's the youngest client I take? 26.

Angie said, we need a book, even with aliases.

Oh, girl.

Nilam oh. Nila Minaj said, do you believe in the hard wig soft life theory? I think that the interesting thing about women with hard wigs is that they already create a very soft life for themselves because they do whatever the hell that they want to do. Yeah. You can't have a soft life unless you give yourself a soft life to begin with. Many of us just know the hard life. So even if somebody was wanting to give that to us, we wouldn't even know what to do with it. Yeah. Plain sight. Italian men. Very emotional, very spoiled. Great lovers. I lived in Italy for a year and a half.

Bella. Bella said, I watched the Hunger Games and realized that mystery is such a huge turn on for me. We talk too much, girl. The fact that mystery is a turn on for you is not a flex. You want to know what the hell is going on with somebody, girl? No, Shade, you got to be giving Katniss up in here. Always one step ahead. You don't want to be one step behind because that means you're always going to be chasing.

When it's a mystery, it means you're chasing. That is.

That'S probably connected with the parentals. Yeah.

Alana said, where to go to find men that have an intellectual flirting style. Political campaigns, events, conferences.

Asto said, French guys. Good emotional or bad emotional?

It depends. Yeah, very sensitive.

Michelle said, no shade but all tea. I know that's right girl.

Dania said, which men are the girthyas?

Dominicans.

Colombians, Ecuadorians. Must be something in that water, girl. I don't know what it is girl.

When that water is clear, girl. Maybe it's that.

Makia said, how are Dutch men?

Dutch got too much. You hear me?

Lynn said, 66, too old to date. No girl.

Get it. I have clients that are in their mid to late 60s and they're getting it. Honey D said, I'm learning French. Okay girl D you wanna, you wanna date downtown and in western Montreal? Okay.

Abcat says babe, do Montreal men like Filipinas?

Some of them do, girl. Some of them do.

Glow said, how many black men in Montreal? If you're going to date in Montreal, you want to date everybody, not just the black men. Most of the black men in Montreal are Haitian.

Someone said, you are asmr for me, I swear. No girl, I'm a n w a r for you.

Nina said, how do I find men with money? Here's the gag that a lot of girls don't understand.

Just like you have to, you have to like.

Give money to make money. You need to have money to find men with money because they are in certain places that.

The poor girls can't get into.

If you're a poor girl you're probably not going to be able to get into a polo match.

If you're a poor girl you might not get be able to go to some of the F1 racing and I'm not coming for any of you all, but this is a I get this question a lot and I want you to understand that you have to be in the spaces. That's why I I'm always for the ladies that feel like they've aged out. I don't, I don't want you to think that there are some crazy ass men out there that will make you think just because you're 35 that.

Like your stock has gone down. No, by 35, 40 you have the money to be in places and those men that are stable, that are wealthy are going to be checking for you. They are literally.

They are literally they want.