Dating Q & A 04-21-24

Feel like I need some music. I need some music.

Hello, ladies.

Welcome, welcome, welcome.

I got the music pumping. We're gonna have some parties.

Are you. I want to be your.

Love is strong.

Every day I pray.

This is the kind of mood I'm in, honey.

Hello, hello. Hello.

West. Tea was tea was tea.

Going out every weekend just to give my boo again. Y' all need to go out every weekend.

To see your booze again.

Do you hear me?

I'm. I'm trying to let you know that's why this song is on. Yeah.

Hello. Why can't you do it every other. Why can't you do it every weekend, honey? All right, let me see what the girls are talking about. Hey, Brandy, Ativia, Tia L. Coffee, Angela, Jasmine, Unique Parmella, Shanice. Hello, ladies. How you doing? I hope everyone's doing well. Welcome, welcome, welcome. Mara said, you are glowing. Thank you. Hey, A.D. amber waves. Thank you so much. Amber Waves of Henny is a mess of a name. Thank you for the rose. Girl. Why are y' all saying not Amy at 10:49pm? Is it too late? What's the tea, honey? The vibes are vibing. That's right. Shahad.

M.J. good to see you, girl. Giving Atlanta, summer 1995. Girl, we're not gonna date ourselves tonight. We're not gonna do that.

Jasmine said, What's t. Girl, Everything and nothing at the same time. What else?

What else? Kelly Holiday said. Hey. Hello, fairy godbrother. Hello. Now, for those of you that don't know me, my name is Anwar White. They call me Coach Anwar, your fairy godbrother as it relates to dating. And I am here to make sure that y' all about to get your guy. Honey, that's what it. That's what it looks like. That's what it has to be.

Yeah. Let me see what. What the tea is.

That? I saw one of my. My people. Hey, Stephanie. Girl.

Good to see you here. Taylor said, I'm afraid to make eye contact. Why? Girl.

You look like a brown girl. Girl, we can make eye contact with men and with white men, too, girl. It's not 19. 1930, girl. So please do that.

Make eye contact with all of them. You want to make eye contact so much that the boys are looking down.

Yeah. So I'm a dating coach. I want you to put your questions about dating, relationships, men love in the chat. I will answer them in the order that I see them. If you want to learn more about what I do, definitely go to the link in my bio. I have a link for my podcast, I have a link for free trainings and to book a consultation. Call if you want to work with me. Yeah, but only if you're ready. No forcing. And if there's anything that I say that resonates with you, definitely tap, double tap, triple tap the screen so that we can get the party started up in here. Yeah.

Okay. Let me see what the girls are talking about.

Fuyance said, I started out strong and then failed. How did you fail, girl?

Oh, they said Mr. White is now in league D1. Okay. I guess I'm a live star. Oh, my God. I have to go to the next song. Sometimes these club remixes go on forever, honey.

I'll do a little Rihanna. We found love because y' all need to find love. No shade, honey, but not in a hopeless place.

Lauren said, but Amy, don't go out every weekend. And then men, ain't it all right, girl. Go, Leslie. Girl, I don't want to hear any excuses. We're getting love one way or another. You hear me? It's even. Yvette said, I need help. What do you need help with, girl? Things to remember. Said is 38, too old to marry. No, girl, please understand, if you are a woman of color, then you're probably gonna get. You're probably gonna have your best relationship between the ages of 35 and 45. Yeah. Hey, Medusa. Hey, Faceless. Hey, Italian princess. Hey. Hey, Rosie. Hey. Mommy is tasty. Name is wild. Oh, my God. Some. Some of the names, girl. J said, I'm gonna start hitting some high end hotels. Yeah, do that. Do conferences.

Start. Start going out to some clubs. So. So for my Midwest girls out there.

You know, that are not in the big cities, y' all need to start joining some of the clubs, honey. You know, like the Rotary clubs, chamber of commerce, tea, like all of those sorts of situations, that's where you meet the CEOs and the lawyers and the judges of the city. Yeah.

All right, let me see what they. Let me see what the gag is. Jasmine said, I was about to go to bed. Not anymore. I know that's right, girl. Well, go to bed, girl. Just don't go to bed with me. Go to bed with another man, honey.

That's what I want, honey. I want the girls to eat, honey.

You hear me? Amanda said, amore, you're the best. Thank you, girl. Sunny said, thoughts on singles events? I think they're good practice, but I don't really put a lot of stock into them. You're probably gonna meet more women at singles events than Men like you probably get the numbers of women more than men.

Yeah, Chris. Understood. Thank you so much for the donut, girl. L. Thank you so much for the cream cone.

It's just me said, I swear I love you. Thank you, girl.

I appreciate that.

What are the questions? Honey, put your questions up in here. I'm ready to spill some tea. Yeah.

Blush said, at what point in the dating phase do you discuss what's next? We don't discuss what's next.

When you're ready, you let him know. And thank you so much for this hat, Alex Lauria.

That you're willing to take the next step. That's what you want to do. And if he's not ready to make it happen, then we just drop him. It's not really a discussion. It's more like you telling him what you you want and what's going to make you happy. Keisha said, the tea is. I don't really know how to meet men, girl. They're everywhere, outside and online.

So maybe the question is not meeting them, but meeting ones that align with you. Yeah. K8 said, okay, question. How do you know if he likes you or likes you enough to take you seriously? You will know because you won't be able to get rid of him. He literally will. He'll be texting you every day. He'll be calling you every day. That's when I know, like, my clients are about to get into an exclusive relationship.

Because the guy is calling them every day after work because she is the first person that he wants to talk to after work. That's how I know. I said, okay, it's. It's going to take a week or two before they get into a relationship. So he's doing that. He's going. He's taking you out at least one to two times a week.

And he's respecting your boundaries. The real way that you know if a guy likes you or not is if he is also vulnerable with you, because that means he's stepping outside of himself and he feels emotionally safe enough to actually share those feelings with you. Most guys won't do that.

Me said, hi, amore from Atlanta. Well, girl, should we pray for you?

Let me see. What do I have that's very Atlanta?

I don't have anything nearby, girl. Honey, maybe I'll. We'll just use this cross right here from Pulling Bear honey, that I got in Mexico, honey. We want to pray for all the girls in Atlanta and their love lives because they're dealing with a lot of DL and gay men, honey. And A lot of. A lot of men that are more interested in how pretty they are versus actually being coupled with a woman. We also have a lot of bustas in Atlanta who think that they are not bustas. So I want to pray for all the girls in the Atlanta.

In Jesus name. Amen. How was that, ladies? Did you feel that? Now, I don't really have, like, a direct line to God. My grandmother does. So I will ask her to pray for y', all, because her prayer. You know how some people's prayers are, like, powerful and others, like, girl, doesn't matter, girl. You could talk forever, girl. He ain't listening.

Well, my grandmother, girl, she says one thing, girl, and it comes to pass. So I'm gonna talk to her for it for y'. All. Okay?

Crowned by Rachel Said. I'm afraid of dating because I have kids. I'm insecure about it, girl.

What do you think is. Why do you think that, like, having kids is a detriment? I actually think that you want to be able to use the kids as a great evaluator, that ultimately, you want to put that on your online profile. You want to let them know that you have kids so that you can evaluate their seriousness and their ability to be a good father or potential partner and mentor for your children. Let that be a filter trip for you.

Third girl. And if you always want, if you need a reminder, girl, think of Sierra.

There are men out there that want to be your everything.

Yeah. So I want to offer that to you.

That's her collection. You're definitely a godsend. Well, thank you for that. I appreciate it. Jamila said, list of green flags. I don't believe in flags.

Barely believe in the American flag, girl. No shade.

So.

Every woman is going to have a different set of red and green flags.

That's really important to understand.

And it's based on your lived experience.

Yeah, it's one of the things that I do in my program is helping my clients understand what their deeper relationship needs are, but also making sure that they understand what they're feeling inside. Every time people talk about flags, they're talking about what's happening outside of them, which, if you're a woman of color, is, like, not a thing that you want to do. You want to actually know how you're feeling at all times, because your feelings are connected with your intuition, and your intuition will never lead you astray. Yeah. Linda said, Anwar. They want to go 50, 50 on bills. Well, I think a lot of women will be going out with a lot of different guys. Because they don't have a strategy. They don't. They're not evaluating these men based on protective provider emotional safety. That's one of the things that I literally just got off of an onboarding call for all of my Q2 clients and I was talking about the strategy that I teach my clients online and how to evaluate each and every step. And it's a little bit complicated. I was telling them it's almost like learning a whole new language. If you've never been taught how to date before, to learn how to date, it's going to take a little bit of time. Yeah.

Does anyone.

Does anyone know about Total.

Cuz these girls. These girls got me together.

Love them.

Okay. Her says, can we talk about long distance? Sure. What do you want to talk about? Chalisa said, how do we handle cancelled plans due to work? I want to cut him off. Well, did he let you know beforehand? If he let you know beforehand, great. If he cancels again within the next week or two, he's out. Tierra said, how do we get past.

Eggplant size and be open to dating other races?

Do you. Okay, so are you telling me that the only reason that you're not dating non black men is because you're scared that their thing. A thing it's gonna look like this, honey. Because let me tell you, honey, some girl, some of these white men, girl, will put it on you. Do you hear me? On you.

And don't sleep on those redheads, girl. I don't know what it is about them, girl. They let you have it, honey. But I just want you to know you'd be surprised by some of these non black men. And also counter to that, you will be surprised by some of these black men, girl. These black men are not packing like they used to.

When we were growing up, we knew what was up, girl. I don't know if it was because some of the plastics and the food or what have you or the environment, girl. They, they're not as big as they used to. Some of that, that. That myth.

Is starting to lose its luster, unfortunately.

Yeah. So girl, please understand that some of these, some of these other men, girl, they, they getting it, girl. Getting the girl. Now if you've had some non black pee and it got you good, let me girl, put it in the chat, girl. To let this girl know that she can look past it because she's scared that some of these white men not gonna put it down, girl. And some of them will put it up, down and around, girl. And when I Say a round girl. You don't even know what I mean.

Okay, let me get my shit together, girl. Get my together. Okay. Soho says, what do you think about messaging a guy first on a dating app? Sure, why not? The online apps are like the wild, wild west, girl. So if you see a guy and you want. You want him, get him. Like, you have to understand that sometimes you won't ever see those profiles again. So I guess the question that you have to ask yourself is, if I never saw this profile again, would I regret not talking to him? And if that is the. If that is the case, then you want to message him.

Yeah.

Chicago said, I want to work with, but I have to get emotionally mutual. I don't even know what that means. I am Francelle. Michelle says, my ex broke no contact and I left him on red. Yes, honey, I love it.

Chrissy said, need help getting out of a dating punk? Feeling discouraged? Why are you feeling discouraged, girl? What are the thoughts that you're having?

Fiance said, I picked the wrong guy. How do I rebuild my roster? You gotta. You gotta pick three other guys, girl.

Two good ones. Okay. One good one. One so. So one not so good one.

Y' all trip because it's like, oh, my God, I picked a wrong guy. Guess what? A lot of them are going to be wrong. Most of them are going to be wrong. Don't on yourself because of that. Understand that that's like a natural part of the game, but you got to make sure that you're mixing it well. You know, like when you have Skittles and you have like the red kind, which is the good kind, and then the yellow kind, which is, like, not so good, and then the purple kind that is, like, in the middle good.

Sometimes to make sure that the bad one is not so bad, you kind of have to put them all in a handful and eat them all. That's what I'm telling you to do with these men. Yeah.

Ms. Nikki said, flipping love you. Thank you, girl. Faye said, do Indian men like plus sized black women? Indian men are tricky. That's why you don't hear me talk a lot about them.

Because they're a little bit spoiled from their, like, you know, very demanding and dominating mothers. And oftentimes a lot of Indian men will.

Try to replace their mothers with black women. So you want to. If you want to be with an Indian man, you got to be in your ultra femme energy and you have to give him space to do everything. A lot of these Indian men will try to make you do things don't do it. I. That's the wrong Indian guy to be with. You also have to understand that a lot of Indian men, and I was having a conversation with a client of mine recently, they have a caste system. So you also have to understand, like, what kind of Indian man is he? Has he spent the majority of his life, like in the Western world? Or did he just come here a couple of years ago and he still has that caste system in his. In his head? Because if it's still fresh.

Girl, you on level five, girl. And you need to be on level one. And he might just be using you for the get down. Yeah. So we want to. We want to evaluate, is he in his true masculine energy and is he just in it for intimacy and not really for you? Yeah.

Lexa Beauty said, found a prospect, but he's a truck driver. Are truck drivers on the yes list? Ladies in the chat, can you let her know if truck drivers are on the. On the yes list?

As she said, I like a guy at work and he doesn't know. Should I just outright tell him no, girl, don't do that. That's messy. That's Grey's Anatomy messy, girl. And we're not doing Grey's Anatomy. Not in this decade. Maybe in 2008. No. In all seriousness.

You want to give him the space to take you out, like at lunch or dinner, outside of work hours. If he's not doing it, I wouldn't try to make it happen.

Yeah. Obviously have conversations with him, but he's got to take the lead on that. I'm not really someone who is super for work relationships, but it's a reality of dating. And, you know, I think finding someone at work is like number two or number three in terms of where to find people. Unfortunately.

Winter said. Hey, Anwar, how young is too young to implement your advice? I think if you're dating, you should be implementing my advice.

Now. Girl. Your photo looks like you could be 16 or 26 if you. If you are younger than 26. These men are not going. They're not ready to marry.

So.

It'S all fun. It's all fun and games. It's Monopoly, girl. Connect four right now. Hear me.

Hello, Ananda. She said, I'm always happy when you're live. Thank you, girl. I'm happy when I'm live, too. That's why I come here. This is my happy place.

It's just me. Said, I think I want a girlfriend and I'm married. Girl. You get to. It's 20, 24, girl. Do what you want, get it and. And forget it.

Fabi said, how do you get over the feeling there's something wrong with you by realizing that no one is perfect and there probably is things that you need to work on?

Yeah, I think thinking that there's nothing that you need to work on is flawed thinking. I think that we can't make the thing. Our opportunities define us. We just need to put focus on them and, like, you know.

Heal.

Here's the thing. None of our parents are perfect. And that is how we create our bonding patterns. And so I know that we all have inner child wounds. It is your opportunity, your responsibility now in adulthood to make sure that you are addressing those wounds or you're going to see them in your dating and your relationship life.

Nearly said his communication is decreasing slowly. He says he's in love. Should I be worried?

Well, I don't think we should worry about men.

I think if the communication is not where it's at and you're past, like, let's say, a date, three in the courtship can let him know that you're not feeling good and we're going to see how he makes you feel better based on communication.

Alex said, don't guys find it weird when women go out by themselves? I think it depends on the. I think it depends on the location, but generally, no, they're not thinking about that. Men are hunters. Please understand, when you're out in the wild, they are hunting you. And a hunter loves something that's alone by itself. So you probably. You're gonna get hit on more when you're alone. Yeah, that if you look a hot mess, girl, you're gonna get hit on a lot.

So if you're at like a hotel bar, an upscale lounge, alone, great, fine. But if you're alone at a sports bar as a woman, that's weird, right?

Turning a blind eye. Said literal best friend for 30 years. We started dating in September. He won't make me his girlfriend. What to do? Let him go. He will know within two or three months. And because you guys have history, it actually should have been sooner if he wants to be with you or not. So just let him know this isn't working for me. I'm not feeling a connection anymore.

Song.

Yeah. Thank you. Stay fish. You said, how much did I miss Charlotte, North Carolina. Here, honey. I want to do a roll call. Where are we? Where are we at, honey? What y' all representing, Honey? Do I have North Carolina in the house? Do I have Cali in the house? Where? Rep, your rep, your city, honey. City and state.