Dating Q & A 04-28-24

Hello, hello. Hello. Welcome, welcome, welcome. Good to see everyone. I hope everyone's doing well.

Hello, hello, hello. Welcome.

Hello, ladies. Hey. Hey.

For those of you that don't know me, my name is Anwar White Coach Anwar they call me, and I am a dating coach for women of color, specifically black and brown women. And I help them date with strategy. I help them heal their hearts, and to meet and date high quality men, men that are relationship ready. So if that's something that you are interested in, definitely stay on this live because I'm here to answer any and all of your questions as they relate to love, dating relationships. Men or women? Honey, we're inclusive here. Or anything in between. Honey, I'm, you know, I'm. I'm getting old, honey. So, honey, I don't know how. No shade. I don't know how many genders there are. I don't know. There's a lot of different terms that I'm getting used to and learning. So anything that you're into, I'm into it as well, girl. And I just want to help you find your person.

I have my trusty, trusty dusty Dominican tonight for the girls who are veterans here. And so put your questions in the chat, let me know, you know, and I will read them and answer them in the order that I see them. If you want to learn more, a little bit more about what I do, definitely go to the link in my bio. I have my podcast there. So you can check out my podcast that has like almost 110 episodes. It's called the get yout Guy Coaching Podcast, one of the top relationship podcasts in the world. I also have a link to some free training, so definitely check that out. And then I also have a link to book a consultation. Call it. If you're someone who is interested in working with a professional in these very treacherous dating streets, definitely book a consultation call and we'll see if we're a good fit or not. No pressure. Yeah. All right, let me see what the girls are talking about already, honey. Oh, and by the way, there's already 400 of y'. All. If there's anything that I say that resonates with you, definitely tap, double tap, triple tap the screen.

Before we get started, girl, I need to know, are we in R B kind of mood or are we in a Neo Soul kind of mood?

Let me see who gets it, honey. Let me see who gets it. Someone said R B, honey. Oh, she. She voted twice, girl. What we're not going to do is voter, you know, fraud, honey. That's what we're not going to do. Okay? The girl said r B. Because, honey, when we do this on Sunday morning, it's all neo soul.

I'm. I'm feeling like this.

Oh.

No, not you.

The world naked one. Yeah. What's your.

Yes, honey. Yes, honey.

Sometimes I got to let the girls know how you.

Make it happen, honey. All right, let me see what you.

Honey, you gotta let them know what's up. What's up. Showing off my little A cups, honey.

Yes. The bow legged one. The bow legged one.

Yes, honey.

All right.

All right, honey. Put your questions in the chat. Let me know what you give in, honey, because we are. We're gonna get it. We're gonna get it in. We're gonna have some fun. Yes. Hey. Interest. Kitchen wallflower. Chandra, Jackie, Sunday sat slays. Samara says she's early today. Yes, honey. Queen above. Hey, girl. Picasso. Good to see you all. See what the questions are. What are you giving? Amanda said, I'm so glad I'm on your live. I love your content. Thank you. Tilly said. Morning 3:30am in Manchester, England. I can't sleep. Why? Girl? No shade, girl. You might. You might need somebody to put you to sleep. No shade. Bk curly girl. Hi, coach Amore. How are you? I'm doing well. I've been coaching for the past hour and a half with some of my clients, helping them just level up in their love lives. And that. That is one of the things that really energizes me. So I usually come on live after I have like my one on one coaching sessions. And yeah, I'm just really happy to be on here. So let me see what's going on. Eric said, you're so insightful and wise. Thank you so much, Eric. Elle says, the happiness your face brings me. Yay. That makes me happy. Serena said, I found a guy that's handsome, but ugly outfits. It's worth it. Yes, girl, because here's the thing. When y'. All, if he's giving you everything that you need, but his fashion sense is giving. Sears 1987, girl, when you're together, all you have to do is go shopping with him every time he goes shopping. And then every birthday and Christmas, just get him a little another piece. Another piece. Literally eight months, girl.

Brand new fashion sense. Yeah. Chandra said, going to single day. Mayo, any advice? Yes, honey. I think I'm gonna do a video about this next week. But, girl.

When May starts, girl, this is the month for the Hispanic men.

What that means is cinco de Mayo means you need to get five of them.

What you want to do, what you want to do. That was it. Okay. Yeah, honey, talk to everybody, period. Said, how are the apps performing right now? They're starting to pick up a little bit. Yeah. So they're not where they need to be, obviously, but.

I. I have a sense in the last week to two weeks that they've been picking up for my clients.

Creative Heiress said, hi, Fairy Godbrother. Love your post. Thank you. Be Stevie. Hi, coach. Hey, girl. Good to see you. Claire said, Anwar, how long you been on, girl? Five minutes. Five maybe.

Kenneth said. And more. What do you think of men who start to call you pet names like baby or babe? Too soon means you need to set a boundary. Oh, this is for some of the girls who know the tea.

Let me see, who knows this song already?

Someone said Janet. No, girl.

You'Re out of here. I should block you right now.

Ghost town DJs baby.

Yes, honey.

The gag is why are all of my songs about.

A boy?

Why, honey? Why?

Can you imagine me, small skin, tea, little gay boy, thinking about the boys I had a crush on listening to this song.

And dancing just like this, like a little white girl. No shade.

Ash said, same. I know that's right. Girl.

Okay, no shade. We're all family here, right?

Okay.

The boys.

Okay.

Who did you have a crush on in junior high, girl? And was he worth it or did he. Actually, here's one thing that I was thinking about. When I was having some hot cheetos early this week, I was eating that and I was reminded of junior high because that literally was the last time I had hot cheetos. Someone said, little Bow wow girl. We'll let that go. And I was like, oh my God. All of the boys that I liked in junior high bullied me.

Now, did you like boys that bullied you? Because that is no shade. Bad bonding pattern. Someone said Chris Brown. So I guess the answer is yes. Because he believes women.

Yes. Okay. Iconic realtor said, this guy's named Tori. He's Tick Tock famous now. Oh, girl. What's the last name? Girl, we're gonna stalk him. Yeah. Summer said they believed me for being dark skinned. So bad girl. And guess what? They wanted all that chocolate and more girl.

Someone said, immature. Me too, girl. Me too. Me too. And guess what? All three of them, no shade.

Sano said, I like the popular guys.

Someone said B2K.

Okay, I'm gonna get back to these questions, honey. Because you know, someone said, ja rule. How old were you, girl?

How old?

She Loves Chicago. Said I was in love with Andre Agassi. All right, honey. Someone said immature for sure. And Wood Harris. Okay.

I love it. Someone said the jocks. BK said LL Cool J.

Okay. All right, ladies. All right, let me see.

But here's the gag. This is why I wanted to talk about this. Because earlier in the session, I was talking to one of my clients and I was telling her, most of us are still dating. Like we are in junior high and high school. And this is not me coming for you. This is me helping you understand that we actually are going to need to recalibrate the way that we are dating. Most of us are going for the popular, the hottest guy, the most popular guy. And that is actually not the way that you're going to get your husband.

Someone said Tevin Campbell, girl. Me too. Me too. And I had a better chance than you did.

Someone said oop. Go on.

What I mean to say is.

I think it's important to understand that the popular guy is probably going to treat you like shit because he has 10 other women that are chasing him and he doesn't have to be with you. You.

The guy that is the hottest is the same thing. Right? It's important to understand some people are so attracted to charisma, and most of these guys will have it. A lot of us will search for things that we feel like we don't have within ourselves. So if you're a quiet girl, you're a shy girl, you're someone who plays small, you're going to lean into the guys that really play big and that take up a lot of stuff. Space. Yeah.

So this is why I always say girl.

Go for the. In terms of attractiveness, go for the. I don't want to say mid guy, but someone who is attractive to you but has top intellect, top emotional intelligence. Because guess what, girl.

That'S the cheat code.

That's the cheat code.

Yeah. This is important. Okay, I'm gonna start answering some of these questions now. Okay.

Sharon said I liked and then got the popular guy too. Small, low self esteem. Those are the popular guys. A lot of popular guys.

Girl, two pumps. Just like I do my snail mucin and then it's done. Honey, most of them are not even good in bed. And they're actually much more insecure. What you see behind closed doors is very different than what you see generally outside.

That is something that a lot of people don't think or understand. These guys are kind of. I always say they're kind of like Louis Vuitton bags. It's like, you get one and they're like, oh, after like a couple of weeks, it's like, okay, now what?

Am I lying? Honey.

Girl, I. I will. I will die on the cross like our Jesus, Lord and savior. When I tell you that these nerds.

And nerds is like, people think, oh, tech. Not necessarily tech. These nerds can be. There are construction guys that are nerds, right? It's a mentality. It's a. I like to problem solve sometimes. I like to play video games. I like to strategize. Right.

Chrissy, you write. She said, the nerds are low key. The real providers. Not low key. High key, mid key, all keys. Alicia Keys.

You hear me?

Someone said, snow musing is crazy. Why? Girl.

That'S my tea. That's my truth, girl. And I'm. I'm. I'm spilling it. I'm speaking on my truth, girl.

Cl said, Anwar is preaching early. Am I.

Okay? P said, after I cut him off, he came back with and said, my grandma has passed away. I miss you. What should I do?

Give him a heart and an rip and that's it. No, no words. Just give him emojis, girl. Or give him that heart and rip.

Acknowledge grandma passing. Don't acknowledge him.

Hey, I like.

Okay, let me see. See, I'll say preaching early. I try, girl. Bailey said, my man hasn't asked me to be his girlfriend, and we've been dating for almost two years. Out, out.

Three months, max.

If they don't make it happen within three months, he never wanted you, and you're a placeholder, and you shouldn't be anybody's placeholder. Do you hear me?

Mer said, what song is this? Estelle Freak.

Taylor said, you have the best analogies. Thank you, girl.

Caroline said, how do you meet men organically? And I'm going to tell you. And Sierra taught me. And it's called your goodies.

You go outside and you talk to men and you start conversations. And one of the things that I love to do is I love to give a man a compliment.

Love it as a starter. Now I'm not going to be giving him compliments all night long, honey. I'm gonna give him a little bit of compliment. And thank you all so much for the 16, 000 likes. I appreciate you. Yeah.

Oh, my God, I love that shirt. Oh, my God, I love that watch. I love those shoes. Where'd you get them from? Yeah.

Chris said comes in Vogue. Yes, honey. Hey, Chris. Girl.

Skin Ritual said, I've been loving your podcast. Thank you so much. It's called the get your guy coaching podcast and. And has over 100 episodes. In there. We talk about everything. So next episode that will come out next, not this Wednesday, but next Wednesday will be a client of mine who has gotten her guy. And then the episode after that is going to be all about mother wounds. Yeah. So please, please, please check those out. They're going to be great.

Karen. Sita said he stopped being consistent with his texting. My instinct is to leave. Yeah, let him go. The question that I always tell my clients and the questions that I want you to have and ask yourself is, would my future husband do this? I don't think so.

Yeah.

People talking about, oh, my God, the popular guys. The hot guys are so cute. I know, girl. Here's the thing. Biologically, all of that will lose its luster within 18 to 24 months. So then what happens? Now, this is why a lot of divorces happen in the first two years of the relationship. Because a lot of the quote unquote chemistry, the physical chemistry, loses its luster, and there was never a foundation to set in the relationship. I want to make sure that you all are finding your men if you're ch. If you are deciding to date that are going to be great for you 30, 40 years from now, not just. That's going to be hot for the next six months. Yeah.

So with that said.

Brianna said, I got a mid, ugly, high, intelligent, high emotion. He's so sweet to me. No, Shade. But why you here? You're done. You're good. You ready, girl? You on your way to heaven now. Gone girl. Done did it.

See you on the other side. Yeah.

With much love. Okay. Shade said, so true. My last nerd was perfect, minus lack of boundaries. A lot of these nerds will lack boundaries, but that means your boundaries have to be really strong so that he can learn your. His boundaries through you. As she said, I just bagged a nerdy attorney. I love it. Okay, another lesson we need to learn about our bills.

Yes.

You'll realize all my songs are about men.

Oh, my gosh.

Yes.

Let me see what y' all are talking about. Thank you so much all around. Brandy.

Zuhura said, why do guys leading you answer questions with questions? Because they are. They're not honest people.

I'm confused by the question leading you. I. It's interesting. I don't think that guys should lead. I actually think that you, as women, are the leaders in your relationship and you lead through your boundaries. Your job is to set the pace and the emotional depth of all of your relationships. And if you're not able to do that, then that's the work that you need to do. Because if not, girl, no shade. You will get run to the ground.

Yeah.

Taylor said three months for all. Yes, three months. He knows it takes a man two to three months to, like, bond with you. Okay. So that's why he will know within two to three months if he wants to be with you and commit to you. If not, he's not ready. And that's okay. We just get to honor that and move on. Yeah.

Kate said, I like your salt and pepper goatee. Thanks, girl. All y' all are giving me this salt and pepper. Girl used to be black before I started coming live. And then y' all stressing me out. Honey. Some of these questions.

Iconic realtor said, I'm shaking my ass in bed. That's my song. I know that's right.

Pean said, how do I tell my new man that I got laid off? We've been dating for a month and he's perfect. Just be honest.

And, you know, I'm sure that it's sad. Express to him that you are, you know, you're sad about it. Let him be there for you. This is the essence of the feminine energy. Allowing, receiving, receiving, accepting. Right. Being vulnerable, leading with feelings. And let them know if you're feeling shame or embarrassment. Share that as well. Yeah.

Rose said, do you feel it's smart to wait to move in with your man until engagement has begun? Everyone has a different way of doing this. I definitely think it's important to be living together before you get married, though, whether that's adding, you know, after engagement or slightly before engagement, because a lot of these men are not ready, are, like, horrible to live with. No shade. Like, it just feels like a child before having a child. And like, you want. You want to be able to live with someone and it be additive that. That it lessens your labor. So instead of you cleaning a whole house, you only have to clean half of it and he's cleaning the other half. Right.

That's why so many people are getting divorced, because a lot of women are. Are like, marrying these guys and then having children with them. They have two children and the guy is doing nothing. His job is subpar. So she's taking care of two kids, and he's also acting like a kid and working this, like, very stressful job, and it becomes too much and they burn out. It's one of the highest forms of divorce that's happening right now. This is what all of the divorce lawyers are are saying. Yeah.

So you definitely want to see how it is to live with him. Give you that Obama hand right there, honey. I was serious about it.

Okay.

Let me see what's going on. Is it a red flag if he barely compliments?

Well, it depends on what are the compliments and how often are they. What does barely mean? Lilz, thank you so much for the 20 roses. Girl. Fabulous one said, you have a podcast. Yes, it's called the get your guy coaching podcast. Look me up, girl.

Look me up. One mind for soul said, oh. Ella said, oh, I'm so excited for the next episode. Thanks, girl. One mindful soul said, I'm such a pick misha. And I just realized it. Okay, so here's what I want to say about pick me shits because I'm tired of this it. All of us are pick misha.

All of us. All of us are or have been pick mishas. So what I think is important is to not shame people that are because they are in a certain part of their journeys. We've all been pick mishas because we've all wanted more from our parental relationships than we got. And because of that, we've always wanted to be picked by our parents.

Some of us have healed from that. Some of us have not healed from that. But to shame someone by calling them a pickmecia does not help them move forward and actually hurts you and the whole dating realm because it's not going to make them want to be better.

It's just going to make them avoid everybody that's calling them a name. Yeah. So. So we're all picknious. Girl. You're not. You're not alone here. At one point in our lives or another. Yeah. If. And especially if you are someone of color, if you are someone that is differently abled, a different size, a different tone, a different sexuality.

Girl.

Yeah.

So I want to just offer that.

Okay, let me see what's going on here.

Kuva girl said, where are the nerds?

Best buy and gamestop and comic con and renaissance fairs. Anything with a video game, right? Anything with wi fi. That's where the nerds are. Girl.

Okay.

P PUI said, I only like chocolate men. First of all, calling ch men chocolate is wild. But they always failed me. No shade, girl. But welcome to the.

Pixel said. And why? I just saw challengers. And baby, how do I bag some white boy tennis players in their prime? Well, as someone who played tennis as a very competitive junior up and down the California coast, I will tell you.

Because Tennis players are the kinkiest girl. They're the most entitled and the most spoiled, but also the ones that want to be taking control. Like, they want someone to take control of them because they're so. You have to be so in control in tennis. And so they want. They want to live outside of the lines. Let's say.

White boys are wild and everybody knows this.

Ask us more specific question. Yeah, and I will definitely answer that. Sia said, how do you stay motivated after disappointment? If you're disappointed in dating, it means that you've had certain expectations and there have been certain realities. And the difference between those two is disappointment. So part of what you need to do is actually temper your expectations and have none.

That's how you get rid of the disappointment in dating a lot of us. Every time you have a conversation with some guy on an app or some guy that you meet, you're thinking, oh my God, this is the one. Don't think that way. That is a recipe for disaster. Instead, I want you to think, oh my God, let me see how much fun I can have with this guy. That's it. And when it stops being fun, you just cut him off. I don't want you thinking he's the one. One is very, like, redactive. It like, it's like, it's very confining. And what you need to understand is that there is no one for you. You are the one. It's about you. It's always been about you. And you will have different people in your lives for a season. And you might have different men that you marry, different men that you're in relationships with for that season. It doesn't mean that when those relationships end that it's a failure. It just means that that was your guy for that season and that's okay. I think, like, we need to step away from the fact that like getting with a guy and being with him for 30 years is like a success. Because a lot of people have long ass relationships, but the relationships are horrible. It's like the only thing that is only like measured with like based on length versus quality. If you have a great relationship and then you guys like grow apart and you guys have the awareness to like understand that without like animosity or things like that, that's also a success. Okay, so in terms of your question around disappointment expectations, we gotta take them to zero. And we got to be thinking about how much fun we can have versus is this guy the one? Hopefully that's helpful. Yeah.

Okay, let me see what else is going on honey.

Clock it, Chris. Clock it. Mc thank you so much for the rose.

Heart said Amore. If you meet a guy that lives out of state, how soon should he visit? Within 46 weeks.

Brianna said, preach. Amber. We've all been there at some point. Hundred percent. Elsie, thank you so much for the 12 roses. Mama Mia said, can he love you and not want to be with you? He keeps throwing ultimatums. Your future guy won't do that.

No. Your guy loves you and wants to be with you. That's it.

Jackson said, please do a video on that. What? On the one Jaded said, do you have consultations to get advice? So my advice giving happens here on my lives. With all due respect, please don't come into my DMs. I get about 30 to 40 DMs a day asking for advice. Don't do that. I will not give advice on dms. My consultations are not for advice. It's for figuring out if it's going to be a fit to work together in my program. Yeah.

Princess said, how many people should we keep on the roster? I think that you should always have at least three people. I call it Olympic dating a gold medalist, a silver medalist and a bronze medalist. And you know the Olympics are coming in July, so honey, you better get into that Olympic tee. So at least three, I would say three to five serious people because most people are going to drop off. So you always want alternates. Yeah. Sharon said, thank you Elmer, for your truths. You're welcome.

Majoli thank you so much for the heart Me Mc thank you so much for the cream cone.

When he said hi, I went on a really good first date at Nobu and was wondering what the second date should be. Something fun, A fun activity like archery, ax throwing, something like that. You want to see that side of him.

Morangi thank you so much for the heart me.

Charlie said, how do you draw a man to you? You draw a man to you by not even paying attention to anything that have to do with men. That's the crazy thing.

You draw men into you when you are obsessed with yourself.

What does that mean? That means like everything is on your terms, that you are really living your life and you're not letting life live you. Yeah. So you're in the job that you want to be in and you actually enjoy it.

You are traveling the way that you want to travel. You are engaged in hobbies and passions that energize you.

That you love yourself. You look in the mirror and you can stare at it and you don't look away or you don't feel shame. Right.

Because when you're like loving on yourself.

This is like, it is magnetic.

Yeah. The other thing is like you want to do the work to heal. Yeah. That's what's going to be important here.

Okay, let me see what's going on. Just had to see what my, some of my clients were doing.

Okay.

Okay. Let me see what the tea is, honey.

Somalia said, my last situationship is my neighbor. It's been six months. No contact. I miss him. Advice.

Yeah. One, if, if y' all have situationships, couple of things. That's a boundary. That's a. That's boundary work that needs to do.

Yeah. That lets me know we have boundary work that we need to do. Cuz a situationship is only a situationship to one person. Yeah. It also means that if you are okay with being in a situationship, it means that you probably were in a situationship with one of your parents, if not both of them. And that's not shade that that this is a call in right.

If you're missing him. I want to reframe that and I want to reframe it so that you understand that like you probably don't miss him. What you do miss is the feeling that you had when you were with him. So your job is to figure out how can you get that feeling in new people and new experiences. Okay. Measurely, thank you so much for the team bracelet.

Jay said, I've never dated a woman before, but I like her. Should I ask her on a date or enjoy being friends? Is she into women? Honey.

Take it from me, you never want to ask somebody who's not even into the same gender you are.

Brie Breezy said, how do we get off physical attraction? First, oftentimes people that like lean into the physical attraction.