Dating Q & A 05-03-24

Hello, hello, hello.

Hello, everyone. I hope you're doing well. Hello, hello, hello. Welcome, welcome, welcome.

West Tea. Honey, what's really going on?

Good morning, good afternoon, good evening. Happy Friday. Thank God it's Friday.

Hello, everyone.

What are we gonna do? Are we gonna watch Family Matters tonight, Honey? We're gonna watch that dinosaur show tonight on. On this Friday night. Tgift, Honey. Is that what we're doing or are you watching me? Let me cross my legs, honey. Because you're not getting all of this good stuff. So across these legs, honey. Let the girls know I'm a lady. A lady, honey. Classy with it. Yes. T.J. tgift, honey. Get into it.

This is. This is TGIF, honey. You're watching that dinosaur show, honey. Not really, but. Really. Thank you all for coming. I hope you're doing well. I hope you had a good week. I hope you had a good week. For those of you that don't know me, my name is Coach Anwar. Or your fairy godbrother. I am a dating coach. I've been a dating coach for 14 years. I help black and brown women get into the best relationship of their lives through deep healing work, through dating, with strategy, through learning how to calm. Heal those inner, like, traumas and triggers that we have. So that's what we're gonna do, honey.

It's a little warm here in Montreal, honey. So I had to let you let a little, little, little shoulder show. Do you know how that goes, ladies? Or do you guys. Are you guys nuns? Are you. Are you Sister Mary Clarence? Are you Dolores Van Cartier? Because tonight I'm Dolores Van Cartier.

Where's my Italian Mafioso? Because that's the kind of mood I'm in, honey.

Someone said it's giving Baywatch. I'll give my Pamela Anderson if I need to, honey. Yes.

All right, let me see. Someone said both, honey. Okay. She said Sister Mary Clarence, and she also said Dolores Van Cartier. And I'm not mad at it because sometimes you got to keep them guessing in this dating game, honey. Yeah. Awesome. So there's some new. Probably some new girls up in here who don't really know me. So what we're going to do is, for the girls that are old, welcome for the girls that are new. What we do here is you put your questions in the chat. I will answer them in the order that I see them so that we can level you up in dating and in love and in relationships and men. Because that's what I'm here to do to help you give Use all that tea and more. Someone asked my zodiac sign. I'm a cancer, honey. I'm sensitive about my. And sometimes I'm moving moody.

So with that said, let me see what the tea is, honey.

I'm going to start from the beginning because I want to know what y' all are really talking about. And like I said before, put those questions in the. In the chat, and we will answer them in the order that I see them. And, girl, let's go. Hello to everybody. I'm not going to go through all the highs, honey. Be feeling like Whitney Houston up in here.

Cocky F. Rich Kasa. Micah Mamiya is Tasty V. Triggs.

Hello to everyone. Yeah. Okay. Someone said.

Ali said, I am watching you. I am sad. I know you'll make me feel better. This lonely Friday night. Why are we lonely? Honey, you literally can go outside, touch some grass, and touch some men. Yeah. It is up to you to do that. And as many of you have heard me say, the apps are not apping, which means that we gonna have to go outside. We're gonna have to have conversation. I just did a podcast recording for next week from one of my clients who got her guy because she opened her mouth and it's really cute stories. You're gonna have to check it out next Wednesday. But one of the things that I. I tell these, tell all of the women out there is.

You might have to start conversations. Right. I'm not saying drive them, honey. We. Many of us are still on our driver's permit and dating. What I am saying is that you start and you see how he drives. Okay.

Someone said we inside with the bear. Well, I have my own bear. Right. People are asking you what, you want to be with a bear. You want to be with a man, Be with a man. That's a bear, honey. Stocky, honey. Yeah. That's how I did it, girl. I'm safe, honey. Safe.

Yeah. Okay, let me see what y' all are talking about.

Lisa said, let me run my bath so I can watch from the bath. All right, girl. Don't act a fool. Don't act a fool.

Black heart said, I've been putting my location in different countries because of you. Good. That's what y' all should be doing.

Please understand that your guy might not be in the city that you're in. So I always think it's really important to have one app in your home base and then one app somewhere else, whether that's internationally or domestically. And rotate every two weeks. Yeah. Now I'm giving y' all free game here. Now, this is the stuff that I generally give my clients that helps them completely level up. So if y' all are picking up what I'm putting down, I want you to tap, double tap, triple tap the screen so that we can get the likes up, honey. Because that's, that's, that's gonna show me that what I am saying is resonating. And I want to know that. Yeah. Okay.

I'm struggling with being my feminine. Where should I start? Start by asking for help. One of the hardest things that I learned, especially for black and brown women, is just asking for help. So your job every day is to ask one person for help.

That's how you do it. And part of this work is healing those parts of ourselves that are not allowing. Allowing ourselves to actually ask for that help. Yeah. This is important. Yeah. If you aren't able to ask for help, it's going to be hard for you to get into a healthy relationship with a truly masculine, energetic man, because the way that he's going to fall in love with you is by doing things for. For you. That's what raises his testosterone and his vasopressin and solving problems for you. But if you're not allowing him to do that, it's going to be hard for him to fall in love with you. So for all those girls that have so much love to give and have such a big heart and don't think that. No. That no one can match their. The love that they have to give, there are guys out there, but you also have to be available for it. A lot of girls, a lot of women in my program who get their guy, it's a whole other set of problems. Not problems. Let me reframe that. Challenges. And the challenges are, I don't even know how to receive all of this love. And I don't even think that I'm fully worthy of all of this, which is the biggest gag in the world. So part of the getting into your feminine is getting accustomed to receiving and allowing and accepting. Accepting all of that love that happens. This is what I help my clients do. Yeah. So for all of those are like, want to know more about me and what I do? Definitely. You can go to the link in my bio. You can check out. You can book a consultation call if you want to work with me. You can check out my podcast that has more than 100 episodes. I think I'm in the top 40 of relationship podcasts in the US even though I only publish every other week.

Or you can check out My free trainings. Okay. Because there's. I have an amazing YouTube channel that has 1200 videos in there. It's like any question that you've ever probably asked, it's going to be in the YouTube channel. All of these lives on the YouTube. All of my podcast episodes on my YouTube as well. And all of the. All of my lives are cut up in clips with specific questions. So you can always just. If you have a specific question, you can go in there, like, look it up, check it out, and keep it moving. Yeah. For the times that I'm not on live and you have questions, honey, I'm always with you. Yes. It's like I'm. I dream a dream genie up in here, honey.

Yes, honey. Okay, let me see what the girls are talking about.

Mariah said, should we ask for gifts or let them give them freely? Always let them give freely. Here's the thing. If you have to ask for a gift.

You. It's. It's not it, girl. That's not it.

Yeah. A lot of people come and ask me, how can I get him to pay my rent? How can I get him to get gifts?

Two things that I want to offer.

One, if he's already not doing that.

That might be a problem. Number two, if we're not giving the sort of energy that is inspiring him to do that, that's the work that we get to do. One of my clients in la, she's gagged because for the first time in her life, she's having all of these men that are inspired to want to do for her, girl. They're both taking her to. They're both want to do Santa Barbara trip weekends. I'm not going to give any names, girl, because we keep it confidential and cute up in my program. But I think she's going to Santa Barbara this weekend and she goes, she's going to go to Santa Barbara next weekend. So if you see a beautiful black woman in Santa Barbara, she's probably one of my clients, girl. And she's having these men show up for her because she is truly in her feminine. She is truly just sharing her feelings and what she wants and showing appreciation and admiration for what these guys are doing for her. Okay. All right. Let me see what the girls are talking about. Reese's angel said, hey, can you do a video on his banded man? What do you want me to do? I guess I can do it on Cinco de Mayo, girl.

What do you want? What do you want me to. What do you want me to say about them? I can Tell you one thing. And the girls in the chat, you can let me know if I'm. If I'm lying. I'm dying. But, honey, these Hispanic men will cheat on you. They will cheat.

Do you need a whole video for that, or are we good? Did I knock it out of the park? Any explanation?

Oh, my gosh. I'm gonna get in trouble. I had a girl I had to talk in Q1. Girl, I got in so much trouble, girl. They really wanted to come for me. I had to call my mom. I said, mom? No, I had to call my grandmother. I said, grandmother, you're gonna need to pray for me. Like, you're gonna need to bring the Holy Spirit around me for protection, girl. And yes, I did call her girl in a very respectful manner.

Because I kept on making huge generalizations like this and getting myself in trouble.

So.

So they cheat. Now what? But guess what?

Someone said they are not monogamous or honest.

But here's the thing. If you've ever played a board game with a family member who cheats, you go into the game already knowing what the. What the game plan is. So you have to have your ways and you have to have your eye open for when he's taken extra money from the Monopoly bank. Right?

No, that's not what we're doing here.

Okay, Nieces has. She's been living like a nun. All right. Sister.

Find your joy said, I live in Arizona and my shoulder's been out for weeks. I know that's right. Girl, if y' all shoulder's not out, what are you doing? What are you doing?

Should you should be going to the nunnery if the shoulders aren't out. Now this girl's warm, girl.

Let them know.

Okay, let me see what y' all are talking about.

Can we get advice about Caribbean men? So usually, speaking of Hispanic men, usually I have a bigger Gatorade bottle that I call my Dominican. This is what I would call my Mexican.

Still thick, but shorter. Yeah, since y' all talking about Hispanic men.

It'll quench the thirst a little bit, I guess.

Kimarie said, I thought I tried Facebook dating, and it's pretty good with options so far. I think Facebook dating is good for women. That can be an alternative for women that are 50 plus. Yeah. Mexican Barbie said, who's a good target audience for a tall, curvy Latina? Depends. Where are you located, girl?

Josie said, I thank you. The thumb tactic works, girl. I know. That's why I'm telling. That's why I give you all the Tea. Like, I think people think that I say things like for clicks or likes or. I don't need more followers. I don't need more video views. I'm really just trying to give you the whole deal. All the deal, nothing but the deal, so help us God. Yeah. When it comes to these men, honey. So, okay, she said Albuquerque.

Yeah, girl, I would keep that radius wide. Yeah. Are you more liberal, more conservative? Because I say that. Because you might want to get into that West Texas tea. If you're a bit more conservative. They'll eat you up alive, girl. Literally.

Okay. Mizzy6 said, My dad is coming to town. I don't know if I want him to meet my boyfriend. Why? If you don't want your guy to meet your boyfriend?

She said, I agree, I'm very liberal, but the conservatives love me. They'll eat you up, girl. That's why I said keep that radius wide, girl. Get into that West Texas, girl. You'll be dating next to those windmills, honey.

If you're afraid to have your dad meet your boyfriend. And this is what I will tell you. Not just for parents, but also for those friends that are completely overprotective. I'm one of those friends. You're going to need to talk to them and set a boundary about what your expectations are when they meet your person. So you're going to have to be able to set that boundary and be able to say, okay, so when you meet him, here is how I want it to go. Here's the energy that. That would make me feel most comfortable. Are you able to do that? They say, yes, great. Y' all get to meet. He says, no, I'm just going to do me and blah, blah, blah. We're not gonna. We're not gonna meet. We're not gonna play that game. You get to have control over how you're treated and the environments that you're in. It's not like you're a little girl anymore and you don't have agency or independence. Yeah.

So that's what I want to offer people. Tayta said my new personal trader is attractive. How to show interest without seeming desperate. You won't have to. Girl. Those personal trainers are for lurts.

But, girl, no shade. There are a ton of attractive men out there. What about.

Doesn't matter. Doesn't matter if he's attractive. Personal trainers are some of the biggest players. You don't want that girl. Okay. Obi Wan said, hi, I am. Or should I date someone with the same educational background? I just got my masters I don't know. I mean, if you're just focused on guys that have their masters, then you're only going to basically be chatting with 10 to 15% of the population. And you're eliminating a lot of people out there. So I wouldn't recommend it. And number two, I know a lot of amazing. I got my master. I know a lot of guys that got their masters.

Not. Not great boyfriends, not great husbands. I think that people think, oh, my God, just because he has this education level, that it means that he's going to be a great partner. Got a lot of great partners without a college degree or with just a bachelor's. I would keep it open. Yeah, I think that you're limiting yourself if you do that.

And Lord knows that we don't have the time, space, or energy to limit ourselves right now.

Someone asked, what's my stance on spinning the block? I don't splint. I don't spin. I'm not some.

Homie on the block that want that. We're not on the block, honey. We're at home. We're at home doing our homework.

Let those boys hang out on the block and chill and do nothing with their lives. They. I have to get into Princeton, so I'm going to be working on my AP work, and I suggest you do the same.

All tea, all shade. Spinning blocks.

Girl. That's what the trash men do.

Honey. Y' all gonna have. Y' all gonna have to do something else.

I don't do that.

Okay, let me see what y' all are talking about, honey, because y', all, you're gonna get my blood pressure up tonight, honey.

And I. I can't. I can't have it, honey. I can't have it. As my grandmother would say, my pressure.

Sweetie. Said, any tea on Italian guys? He brought flowers for the first date, and I'm shook. You should be, girl. Italians are fun. As. I lived in Italy for about a year, a former life ago. A former body ago.

I lived in Milan for a year. There they will wine and dine you as part of the culture. You have to understand that Italians are very emotional and they're very spoiled. Their mothers do everything for them. So oftentimes what will happen is.

Not all Italian men, but some of them are looking for someone to replace their mothers. Now, if they're here in the. If they're in the US.

It'S less so.

Okay.

Okay, let me see what user 195 do Turkish men like. Like black women? I think Turkish men like black women. The most in the world. Actually.

Turkish men love black women more than black women love black women. And there's a lot of self love going on, especially nowadays. Like, if I were a black woman and I wanted to get my rocks off and I wanted to feel like a. A supreme goddess girl, I would move to Istanbul and get all the bulls instantly. Do you hear me.

Turkish? Do Turkish men love black women? My first boyfriend was a Turkish man.

Yes, but here's the thing about Turkish men.

But.

But.

They, they are addicted. Literally addicted.

Someone said no. Yes.

What? Y' all gagged? You want me to tell you the tea or not? I didn't hook up with all these guys for nothing, did I?

I didn't half fake an O for nothing, did I?

Half the time, honey, so that you didn't have to. And you're welcome for that.

Do they have other skills? Oh, you mean like lingual? Are they. Are they multilingual? Is that what you're asking?

Mmm.

Well, here's the. Here's what I want you to do. I want you to go onto Google and I want you to search, like, Turkish websites, and I want you to look at the length of the words in Turkish. Girl, they lingual with something. Girl, they gotta be lingual. If they're pronouncing all those words that are 13, 15, 20 characters long with no vowel. Squirrel.

Catch that or get caught by it.

But y' all don't want to hear that. Girl, y' all don't want to hear that. Hey, I'm trying. I'm trying to get the girls together with the. With the dating girl. You trying to get me all.

Get in the gutter girl, I'm not doing that.

Brittany said, what app should we be using? Definitely bumble. And then depending on where you are, there are different apps that you need to use based on your tone, size, age, career, things of that nature.

But that is something that I do like. Once my clients come to into my program, that's like the first thing that I do. Based on their personality, we get a sense of, like, what apps are going to best work for them. And then not only do we figure that out, but we're also going to give them a strategy for both online and offline. Because offline you need to be strategic, right? The girls just think, oh, my God, I'm just going to go to a bar, I'm just going to go to some hotel lounge and it's going to be cute. What? The girls don't. What they're not going to tell you on IG on TikTok is that you have to be more strategic about this. And one of the things that I do in my program is first we have to figure out how you can get into your main character energy, because nothing is going to happen if you're not in your main character energy. So part of what I help my clients do is understand how do they get into it. And so real making sure that they're into it when they actually are out, because most of y' all are going out and then being cute and mute and just like, you know, camouflage in the background. Somebody put baby in the corner, girl. And so we have to get you into your main character energy. So this is what we help you do in my program. Secondly, we have to figure out what your flirt style is. Right. So what's your flirt style? Because if you have a certain flirt style, I'm not going to put you into. If you are more intellectual, flirt girl, I'm not going to take you. I'm not going to say go to a sports bar.

Girl. What are you going to talk about the theoretical, you know, war strategies of Russia in the 16th century at the sports bar?

No, no, ma'. Am. So we have to figure out what your flirt style is, and then based on that, we will give you some places that we think that you need to go that will align with your flirt style and your personality. So this is a much more strategic approach to dating than some of these femininity coaches that are telling you to just put some red lipstick on and a red dress and call it a day, honey. Yeah. You're not. You're not some sort of red cape, and you're not letting these bulls run toward you, honey, because that's what. What they want you to do. No, it's different. At least I will say I do it differently. Yeah.

So. All right, let me see what's going on. Ms. Kid Cudi said, how do I find a manly man that works blue collar girl if he doesn't have those calluses on his arm and his hands, Girl.

A lot of people think that they're better than men that are blue collar workers. You want a man who's going to work for you. And if a man is working all day long, he not going to trip about working while he's at home.

Don't get it twisted. And I'm. We're going to. We're all family here, so I'm going to keep it 100, 100% with you. Right. A lot of y' all are thinking you're better than everybody else.

And you're not.

Why am I saying this? I'm saying that because I was that person, girl. I got my MBA from an Ivy League institution. I thought nobody could touch me. I thought I was better than all these mofos, all these fools. And I was creating walls that did not help me connect with other individuals.

So if you thinking you're better than everybody else, girl.

It'S going to be very lonely on your high horse.

Very.

And you can be on that high horse, right?

But the mentality, I'm saying we might want to change a bit. That's all.

Because if you think that you're better than other people, then the other side is also true. Which means that there are going to be some guys that you think that are better than you and that you will pedestalize.

That's what happens, actually, that the guys that you think are that are on your level, you will actually pedestalize and you will think that they are better than you at some point. That's the shade of it all. So that's why, girl, we gotta. We gotta mlk this love thing, girl. Everybody equal. Equal in the law, honey. Yeah. Equality, dei, girl. All of that.

No justice, no peace. We're all the same, girl. Yeah.

Good. So if anyone wants help with learning how to navigate all of this. Cause I know it's like, oh, my God, you're talking all this bullshit, Anwar. Yeah, it's kind of bullshit. But it's work that is important to do to make sure that you're ready for the best relationship of your life when your guy comes. If you want help with that, go to the link in my bio and book a consultation call. That's what I'm here to do. And I want to let you know, honey, these prices are going up every year. I raise my prices a little bit. It's my birthday present to myself, honey. And my birthday is in June, so don't get it twisted.

If you want this, honey, book that call. Get it together right now.

Yeah. How to cross my legs Girls getting a little too hot.

Gotta keep it like a lady, honey.

Kate said my guy is being so weird about defining our relationship. He's like, it's up to you. Yeah, that's not it, honey. That's not it. That's not it. And the fact. Here's the thing. We do not let men define the relationship. If you are doing that, you've already lost your power and you've already lost yourself. Goodbye. Yeah, you tell him what you want and you talk about.

The needs that you have. And if he's ready for that or not.

That'S it. So in my program, one of the things that we do is we actually. I have a whole framework in terms of how to have this commitment and exclusivity conversation so that you have the language to go through it and be very thorough about expectations and things of that nature.

Yeah. So don't ever let a man define the relationship.

You hear me?

I mean, you have. I'm not even gonna. Girl, I'm not even gonna get into it, honey.

Desert time said, Anwar, you need a new mic set up for your podcast. No, Shade, I don't know. I have a ton of mics. I just do it how I want to do it.

I do it so that I. I put it out. And.

Yeah, I'm not about the production value, unfortunately. I just come as I am. And if I have thoughts for solo episodes, I do them. Otherwise, I just talk at my computer. Yeah.

So I receive what you're saying, but I'm probably not going to change it.

One of the things that I've learned that I want to share with all of you is.

Make it convenient for you.

To be the essence of femininity is to make things as easy, easy, convenient and pleasurable for yourself.

Yeah.

That'S it.

That's it.

Shanti said, how do we feel about African men?

So for the ladies that want to share their experiences about African men, please put in the chat. I have said a lot about African men in the past. I don't want whole countries coming for me again. So I want. Let's crowdsource this specifically for Ghanaian and Nigerian men. What has been your experience?

Put in the chat, please, honeys. Yeah.

Kikari said, how do we get a man that works with his hands, like a mechanic or a farmer or something?

Girl, you break something every weekend. Your house, girl. That's it.

People are saying, controlling.

Two thumbs down. Oops. Controlling. Controlling. Girl. Guess, girl.

Survey says controlling.

Alyssa said, how do I get over a guy who doesn't want me? By realizing that.

Couple of things. This is really important because I think, like, a lot of you all might talk with a guy and you might think, oh, my God, he's the one. 97% of the guys that you talk to won't. Won't even get to a third date.

So the other thing that I want to offer to this woman and for anyone else that's like, oh, my God, I really like this guy.

I don't care.

And I say that with love and respect. Because.

Just because you like a guy doesn't make him a great boyfriend or partner or husband if you choose to get married.

And as someone who gets at least two or three women into relationships every week, I want you to understand something. The reason why you are hurt is you're thinking that there was a possibility and there never was. And so you are grieving something that was not there.

Here's what I know. Your person.

Won'T ever get enough of you. Like, you're gonna have to beat him off with a stick, girl. You know those.

You're gonna have to bring this tennis racket. Forehand, backhand, forehand, backhand. Because he's gonna be addicted to you, girl. Do you hear me? That's what you're gonna have to do with this, with your guy. Your future guy would never not want you. That's the gag.

Yeah. Okay, let me see what y' all are talking about here. Am I hosting any upcoming trips just for my clients? I'm going to D.C. in a couple of weeks, and then I'm going to Chicago in June.

Monet said, you're amazing. Thank you, girl.

Ivy Kane said, I'm so miserable. How do I get out of this? Well, I don't know why you're miserable, girl. So you're gonna have to figure out why you're so miserable. Because here's the thing. Happy people get into healthy relationships and get married.

That's just kind of how it goes. So if you are miserable, if you. If you are no shade a bitch, if you are negative and pessimistic, clean it up. Clean it up. And I'm saying this as someone who was a raging, mean girl bitch back in my former life before I got my healing girl.

Right. Huge defense mechanisms here.

So you got to clean it up before you are going to get your person.

It's not going to work because all that shit's just going to create disconnection in the relationship. You can get into relationships. That's. That's not. That's not the hard part, actually. You can lower your standards and get into a relationship with any guy, but this is about getting into relationship with healthy men. And healthy men are actually going to be attracted to healthy women.

Sirius said, dating in Korea is something else. Yeah. It's not for the weak. It's also not for the strong. It's not for anybody.

I couldn't do it.

And it couldn't be done to me.

Honey, the Koreans didn't win the Korean War and they not winning me. That's all I Gotta say.

Someone said thoughts with. About guys with mommy issues.

Most of them got them. If there's a black guy, girl, please understand that three quarters of our households were.

Built on single family, oftentimes civil single mothers. So they all got mommy issues? Girl.

All of them?

Most of them, yeah. What do you mean thoughts? I don't have thoughts.

They going to. I'm going to do a video about this cuz this is really important. However they feel about their mama, that's how they're going to feel about you as a woman. If their mama was really controlling, they're going to resent you. And all other women.

If their mom en meshed with them, it means that he's spoiled and he's going to think that he's the prize.

Yeah.

If his mom was abused, either two things happen. Either he become. He takes on the role of his father or he, you know, is super, super sensitive to those things.

His. A guy's relationship with his mother will tell you everything.

Yeah.

Okay, let me see what y' all are talking about all up in here.

Someone said thoughts about men who like to talk about what they have. A lot of guys will do this on their first date because they're trying to impress you. It's that, that peacock.

Effect, right? You just let them know. Actually, I would prefer to just get to know you and less about what you have. That doesn't really interest me right now. Set that, set that soft boundary and see what he does. If he continues to do it, then he's just. He doesn't care about what you're. What you're looking for, what feels good for you.

Someone asked, when do I let my guard down?

Your guard should start down.

But what that requires is sick boundaries.

And most of us don't have that because we didn't grow up in households where we were allowed to have boundaries. So one of the things that I teach my clients that are black and brown is like we level up the boundaries first and foremost. Oh, not this. Not this cap that I used to wear in junior high. Thanks, girl. We have to be able to set boundaries before we can learn how to be fully vulnerable to create those connections. There's like an order to this. Yeah. And I'm not talking about cut off games. Strong, like you got rigid boundaries. Healthy communicated boundaries that you can state without being triggered with, you know, very matter of factly, all of that.

I have my Mexican tonight, not my Dominican. A little bit shorter, but still thick.

Let me see what's going on here.

Someone said, as someone with no kids. Are men with kids an automatic no? I really think it just depends on the relationship that he has with his. With his kids. Most of y', all, when I ask, like, what are you looking for in a guy? A lot of people will say, family oriented. If he has a great relationship with his kids.

Girl, great. But what a lot of us. Actually, one of the reasons that I've learned as a dating coach for 14 years, a lot of women, women of color, don't like men with kids. One, because they don't want to be that stereotypical girl that gets with a baby daddy. But two.

It hits on a potential neglect wound. A lot of our families, what happens is because of systems systemic racism and other things of that nature, and whether we grew up in a single family household or even two parent household.

Our parents are working so much that they actually don't give us a lot of quality time. And so when we think, oh, I want to engage with a guy that has kids, we are already thinking, he's not going to have time for me. And that's hitting my inner child wound. Right. If he's great with time management, he'll make it happen. He'll make it work.

Yeah.

Let me see what y' all are talking about.

Chef Sparkle, MC said, what about white men in the military who only date black women?

Oh, my God. I'm shaking my head so.

So much that I thought that I literally was going to levitate and fly out of my home.

White military men who only date black women. Okay, so this is a compound. This is compound interest.

This is. This is like exponential mathematics. Right. So what do I mean? First of all, military, negative 10 points. You want to. You want to be, like, positive five points. Okay. Military, negative 10 points.

White men that only date black women and not everybody, That's a negative two points. Yeah. Then you have the white men that are in the military are often white chocolates. That's also an additional negative five points.

Yeah. Someone said compound fracture, more accurate. What did I say? Minus 10, minus 2, minus 5, minus 17.

When you. That's right. When you see that uniform, girl, I want you to think that you're at war. I want you to hide, girl. I want you to feel like it's the Hunger Games, girl. Don't try to be no Katniss girl. Get. Get into that camouflage tea, girl.

Let them walk on by. Don't do not one thing, girl. Someone said white chocolate is not good. Let me ask you this. When you go to the store and you say, I want some Chocolate. Do you get the white chocolate or do you get the milk chocolate? Catch it.

Catch it.

Serious question.

If you want chocolate, get chocolate.

Some of the girls get dark chocolate. I don't know what to say. I don't know what to say with y', all, honey. The girls who get the dark chocolate, girl.

Someone said, I've never voluntarily got white chocolate. There's a reason for that.

Same with dating.

But someone said the real thing. Exactly.

Why get some fake imitation tea, girl. Here's the reason why.

Because a lot of these white chocolates, oftentimes it's a little. It can be a phase for many of them. Now, there are some white men that are blacker than me, girl.

That comes from the soul, honey. That comes from their previous life, girl, where they were marching on the front lines as a black man, and then they came back to this life as a white man, and it didn't transfer over. I'm not talking about those guys. Those men are black. I'm talking about the white chocolates that cosplay black and culture. The Travis Kelce's of the world who use it as a phase. But when they want to get serious, they'll go for a Taylor Swift.

Yeah.

Girl, Justin Bieber had his white chocolate moment, girl. Look at him now. Travis Kelce, Justin Timberlake.

Don't be fooled by the rocks that they got because they're cubic zirconian. Do you hear me?

And that's on.

It's gonna be may.

Oh, God.

Okay, let me see what y' all are talking about.

Oh, gosh. Y' all got me acting a fool. Sadie said, I'm a veteran here. Run. She said, run. Don't walk, honey.

Someone said, why not military?

Okay, I'm gonna be 100, honest. I might get a little bit of. But I'm telling you this because I do think it's important for you to have a multifaceted perspective on these military men.

One, a lot of men go into the military because they don't really have a lot of opportunities for themselves. And a lot of men go into the military, and I'm not. This is no shade because I have a. My family here in America. The reason why I'm from California is because my grandfather came from the military. They didn't have a lot of opportunity, and oftentimes they did. Sometimes they did not have the grades to be get into college. It's number one. Number two.

Military men come back with PTSD.

And an in, like an anger. When you have a man that's being told what to do all day, every day for years on end. There is a. A deep level of resentment that will happen where he is going to feel emasculated and he's going to want to try to find control outside of the military ranks, outside of the base. And oftentimes it will be in the home.

That's two. That's two or three. A girl. I already lost count, girl.

Four. No shade. But a lot of them. I know one of the girls said.

Angry and mean. They're angry and mean because they literally have no control.

Military is often like prison.

Like.

You get told when you can be on the phone, when you're going to take a shower, when you supposed to do your work.

Same, different title.

Yeah.

I think you probably the same probability of death. No, Shade. The other thing that a lot of people don't talk about is that a lot of guys in the military.

Go gay. I call it strays, which means they just. They have a proximity to something and so they, they make that happen while they're there. Similar to prison. All right.

So.

And if they're in the Navy, girl, all of them are gay. All of them. All of them. I have my girlfriends, my girlfriends, girl. When they go, go into the military, they're like first choice Navy girl. Because they know they're gonna get their life. They're gonna get their life and get paid for it.

So I hope that helps y' all figure out military men. Now, girl, don't tell any military men I told you this, honey. They're gonna. Girl, they're gonna catch me like Osama bin Laden and let me have it, honey. And not in a good way.

Someone said the Air Force, too. That has not been my experience. But I'm gonna, I want to honor yours.

Y' all catching this tea, honey? Danielle said part time comedian equals anwar. No, ma'. Am. Honey, I'm just trying to tell you the te. How I see it, how I've lived it, girl. The reason why I'm saying this is because I had a white chocolate moment. I'm embarrassed to say it, girl, but we're all family here.

I don't want you to go down the wrong. The, the path that I went down.

Don't do it. Yeah.

That'S why I'm not a huge fan of it, especially nowadays, girl.

I mean, there are some upstanding men that were in the military in the 60s and the 70s and even part of the 80s, girl. But now.

I wouldn't, I wouldn't, I wouldn't risk it.

Yeah.

Jacqueline Said, I'm dating a white chocolate Good luck girl. Good luck Cookies and cream Honey cure. Franklin said, okay, but is Travis Kelsey considered white chocolate? Because he was at one point, but he is now. My point has been made.

Lori said, are French Canadians white chocolates? As someone who is married to a French Canadian, I can tell you right now.

Most of them are not.

Someone said Triple Heart said, Anwar, please stay on topic. Girl, how can I stay on topic when there are a hundred people on IG and almost a thousand people on on Tik Tok. Girl, girl, I want you to stay on topic when you have 1100 people that are talking to you. Don't come for me unless I send for you.

Stacy said, do you have a book? I'm slowly writing it. Although this week I was trying to figure out whether I actually want to do it or not. Like I was saying earlier in this live, honey, we have one life to live. And so you can't do things just because other people want you to do them. You have to do things that are actually going to please you. Yeah. So I get at least 10 people asking me, do you have a book? Where's the book? I want your book.

So I don't even know if I'm gonna do it or not.

I'm figuring out whether I want to do it.

Brianne said, have you been seeing the Black Black Girlfriend Effect videos where non black boyfriends are upgraded by their black girlfriends? I sure have, honey. And they're giving me ultimate life. I mean.

This is why I work primarily with black and brown women. Because I know how. And I say this in the most positive, uplifting and empowering way. Black women are magical. They make something out of nothing.

Yeah. And I believe that each and every one of you deserve the love and adoration.

Like you deserve all of it and more.

So am I surprised by these? No. Because I know that anything that you touch is gold. And that's just.

That'S on Michael Phelps.

Yeah.

So.

So if you are interested in being.

Like really focusing and leaning in on your dating life to, you know, make inroads, to do the healing work in terms of, you know, getting your guy in the next year, go to the link in my bio book. A consultation call. Yeah. Because that's what we're doing in my program this week. We talked all about those deadly dating patterns so that we can have awareness and cut the, the, the patterns that might not be serving you.

Okay.

Ubon to set Britney's old man too. What do you mean? Kevin Federline, Mr. Popo's Owl MM 1258 said, so Navy men are on the DL, most of them. They're not even on the DL, girl. Not when they're on that ship, girl. When they're on that ship, girl, they're just gay. Once they put one foot on land, girl, that's when they become DL, girl. It's kind of like, you know, if you take. Put one step in a different country, oftentimes in America, you can become an American citizen, same way.

Foreign Dolly said, I don't think Travis and Taylor are real. I think it's pr. That's why I don't really talk about a lot of celebrity couples, because a lot of it is princess. Those are transactional relationships. Those many of them aren't necessarily relationships based on love.

And that's my. My area, my realm.

Someone asked, what's white chocolate, girl?

Don't do that.

Lady loves it. You're doing a great job and you are always on topic, educating all of us ladies here. I appreciate you. Thank you, honey. I appreciate it. Someone said, we like off topic now. Y' all are just.

You know, giving space for my ADHD girl.

Someone said, that's my almost meeting. You blocked her. I don't. I don't block women. I don't block women on my. On my. On my lives now. If you're a dude, you got girls thin. I see you coming up in here. I'll block those men in a second.

Latrice said, don't mess with ny. No, I don't play about him. Thank you, girl.

Sell your book out. Guys. I love the fact that you all support me. I feel that love. You know, it's actually very hard to be a content creator, and so I really do appreciate all of the support and all of the love, and I know that y' all will support me in that. So it's really just about my desire at this point. Yeah. And really just tapping into myself and always asking my question every day, which is, what do I want today?

What do I want?

Not what is expected of me.

Not what. What do I have to do? The question is, what do I want to do? What do I want to be?

Let me see. Okay, so what are the questions, honey?

Melody said, I love when you are alive. Thank you, girl.

Thank you, honey. I appreciate that.

Minding my business. Said, you make me smile. Thank you for being you. I needed to hear that today. I'm glad she's love said, now I'm crying.

Yeah, of course.

And to be honest with you, girl, no shade I don't think I can't. I don't think I can work with the white girls.

Girls too much. It's too much. I'm sorry for my white girls here, but y' all already know how y' all act.

You can block me if you want to. You can report me if you want to.

Impossible nothing said. My brother has been dating a white woman for the last 10 years. He has not worked in 10 years. And she's paying for everything, but complains about it. Why is she doing it?

I don't want to get in trouble.

Here's what I will. I will say to that, and then I'll leave it alone. She does not love herself.

She does not love herself.

And I have.

That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it.

And that's on self love.

Green tea. Goody said. How's the dating scene in Seattle? I'm visiting soon. It's good. It's. I mean, I think it's really good. I mean, Seattle is one of those places where there's more men than women, which is very. It's like, that's Seattle. Austin Bay Area.

Starlet said, amber, you're about to get all my coins. This live is giving thank you. Girl.

Are you answering questions in the question box or in the comments? Comments, girl. Comments for IG girls. Yeah.

Aesthetically correct. LA said, dating in LA sucks. You're right, it does. I think the hardest places to date in the US are Atlanta, Houston, L.A. miami, Phoenix. In that area. I mean, in that order. So if you're in those places and you are a black woman, sorry to that woman. It's not impossible, though. I just recorded a podcast today with a client who lives in Atlanta who got her guy in my program.

So I want to offer that. That it's not. It's not impossible. It's just more challenging.

Mida said, every time I set boundaries, men fall back. It's frustrating. Don't be frustrated. No, that's good. You want them to fall back because now you're knowing, oh, my God, this person's not my husband. Great. Let me move the hell on. If you didn't set those boundaries, you would be still messing around with him. And if a guy can't respect your boundaries, he was never your guy to begin with. You never had him. He was never it for you.

Okay.

Shirley said, you look the fuck good. Skin on fleek. Thank you, girl. I've been really. You know.

That rose water in the morning, honey. I have grow that snail mucin as well. Get the hydration up that hyaluronic acid, honey. Got tretinoin on the night and I've had to do some spot treatments. I had some darker spots here. They're fading away. So girl consistency. Girl.

Sleep too. People don't talk about it, but girl sleep will do your body good, including your skin.

So.

Let me scroll on up here.

I'm just going through these comments. I'm. I'm coming, I'm coming, I'm coming. Someone said I'm a mess.

Fadum said, what if someone is the full package, but I'm like 50% attracted to them physically on the first date. Give it another two weeks scroll and if that. If that attraction does not move on and those two weeks crawl.

Sorry, girl, I had to do a verification. They do that now on the. On the lives. You have to do a verification. They want to make sure that you're real, girl. Cuz a lot of people giving ait.

If your attraction doesn't grow within the. Within the first one to two weeks, girl, you got to let it go. That's just it.

Oh. Ken west said, I have an NFL player right now.

But we are doing the friends with benefits. However, I want to be more however. He said he's focused on goals and God right now. He. He not focused on God, girl.

That's already a lie.

Okay? So, okay, y' all are Any advice.

Sis, here's what I want to offer to you and anyone else that wants to get with a actor, musical artist, a very wealthy man or an athlete.

His goals will be number one.

He will be number two.

His mama will be number three.

You may be number four. You're not even on the podium, girl. You're not even getting a medal. No, shade. That's why you're friends with benefits now. And I'm saying this with love. I'm not. I'm not saying this to comfort you because I've actually been that girl who has been with someone in the limelight and who's gotten the cars in the middle of the night and has been summoned like some sort of concubine, right? So I'm coming from a place of girl, been there, done that, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

That's number one.

Number two.

He will cheat. And it's not just because he's an athlete, but it is because he is ambitious and an ambitious. People want more.

Nothing will satisfy them. They will always want more.

Yeah.

That'S why they will cheat. They will also Want more of you. They will never accept you for who you are. They will always want you to be better and more.

Number three.

Because they are so ambitious and focused on their own goals.

You. You will lack the support that you need to level up in your own life. And you will be a single parent.

To these men.

If you are to have children with them.

Number four.

They into some kinky girl.

When you can have.

20 women a day and when sex is just like a. I literally. I could turn this way and get it. I can turn this way and get it.

Regular sex becomes boring. That's why they. A lot of these. A lot of these men are going with boys, and they get in that kinky stuff. That's why when the girls go to Dubai and they get pooped on girls, it's because those rich men, they've had it already. Regular sex is boring.

They got to go even more and more and more.

So if you want to get into that, girl, no judgment here. We're all family. But I think. I think it's important to understand what that looks like.

Some of these other dating coach would be like, get it, girl. Get your money. Hook them in, girl.

Girl.

Stay away. A lot of the girls are mad because, you know, all of those. All of those NFL draft E's have white women on their shoulders, on their arms. Let those white women have them, girl.

It is not a flex.

They will suffer.

Yeah.

Don't, Don't. Just because they look cute on the sidelines, girl, please understand and know that once they leave that stadium, girl, that smile becomes a frown real fast.

Yeah.

I'm just trying to share my tea, girl. Take what resonates with you.

Leave the rest.

Someone said the money is not free. It's not and no shape. But they not even trying to give you the money that you want and need.

Sidestep. Dd Said D. Wade had Gabrielle tossing his salad. I believe it, but, girl.

D. Wade is. Is. Is waiting.

You know, we have a.

There's a. There is a. There is a. There's a gay underground railroad. Let's just say.

Someone said tossing salad is light work. Maybe for you, girl. Maybe for you, honey. Don't speak for me, honey. And I'm gay.

I had to cleanse my palette, girl. I had to cleanse it, girl.

Let me go. Let me take one more, one more, one more little swift.

Someone said, what's tossing salad, y'? All.

Girl, you. Girl, you're a church girl.

Girl, what in the world? What in the world?

Y' all are killing me, girl. Someone said, google it. Another person said, don't Google it, girl. Someone said, google is free. The other girl said, google it with safe search off, honey. Anybody that has safe search on.

Someone said, Urban Dictionary.

Someone said, what's in this drink, girl? I don't know. A bunch of artificial products.

Yeah.

Yeah. Someone said, there's a safe search. Yeah. I didn't know, girl. I just. Girl, I just. If. If they say dot, dot, dot, girl, I'm searching. Dot, dot, dot. I don't care. CIA already knows that I'm messy, girl. Got my whole. I got my whole ass out on the Internet, girl. Girl, I googled myself a couple months ago. They had the nerve to put me as Internet personality. Not even dating coach, girl. I felt like that was the shade of it all. When. When the Internet labels you, girl, you can't get it back, girl. My personhood is gone.

Girl. What am I? I'm not even a person, girl. I'm a personality.

Rongo Dongo.

It was rude. It was rude, girl. I tried to go through the steps to get that shit changed, girl. They paid me no mind. They paid it, girl. Girl, I'm Internet personality for the rest of my life, girl. My kids are gonna look me up when I done passed away, girl. They're gonna know me as Internet personality, girl.

And it really did hurt my.

It really did. It really hurt my Rongo dongle, girl. It really did hurt my person. It really did hurt my feelings.

Right? Purple Back said, they said, you are who you are, and that's it.

Girl.

Thank y'. All. Thank y'. All. I appreciate it. Someone said, your kids. Yes, honey, I know you're seeing this body and you're like, how did he get it? So snatched back after three kids, honey.

A good surgeon and a good tennis coach.

I imagine that was disappointing. Af. Kind of not really. You have to understand, like, I don't really take this stuff too seriously. I was just, like, gagged by it all, to be honest with you. Yeah.

Someone said, should women pay to see likes on matches? No, girl, like, you don't really have to.

Yes, someone said, he's a mother. I'm a mother. I'm a suburban mother of three. This is why you. This is why I come on Live after 9pm because that's when my kids go to sleep.

That's why you never see me in the daytime, honey, because I'm mothering.

Married with children. Like the show. Yeah. Why do I say this? Because I do think it's important that if you are to follow people that Are. That's giving dating advice. You should also follow people that are also in a relationship because the dating advice needs to be also relate to how to be in a relationship.

Okay?

And that's on. More than half of these dating coaches out here are single because they can't. They don't even know how to do it for themselves. And if they can't do it for themselves, they can't do it for you.

Someone said, my wife and kids. No, no. Girl. Married with children. I am Al Bundy up in here sometimes, honey.

Let me cross my legs the. Any other way, girl.

Okay, someone. Alexis Jacobs. Let me see what Alexis Jacobs. Jacobs is saying, because someone's answering her question, and I know I'm not on my business if someone else is answering the questions. Girl. A guy in my apartment stares when we're near each other. We had one good conversation, then nothing. Advice.

Say hello, wave, give him a compliment, and then let him drive the rest of the way. The rest of the conversation.

Yeah.

Leah said, what's your thoughts on a Marine that's blue collar, catering to women, likes to fix cars? As I'm. I don't care about the cars that he fixed. I want to make sure that. That. That brain is fixed.

Yeah. The football players got the cte. The. The military man got the war up in there. Make sure that that's cleared out and we're good to go. Okay. Lisa said five months strong with my police officer. You helped me so much, girl.

I don't know if I did.

No. If it's working for you, I'm happy. I. It's not every police officer that is not great, but most of them are not. Yeah. Just make sure when you're saying five months that that man has not put you in jail for five months. Okay.

Someone said, are y' all back from Google yet?

Someone said, are you a matchmaker? No, I'm a dating coach. By the way, if you're a black woman, don't go to a. Don't go to a matchmaker, please. Those girls don't know how to pair you.

They don't know how to pair you, girl. They're gonna. You know what they're gonna do? They're gonna find any old black man that they got in their roster, girl, and think that y' all good to go.

And that. And y' all know that's not it.

It's like, it's the same way in which, like, you were you talking to a co worker, and they're like, oh, my God, I know somebody perfect for you. And it's the only black friend that they have. Girl, same shit. And with the co worker, you don't have to pay multiple thousands of dollars for that.

Yeah.

Alana said, what ages? I have 10 year old twins and a 5 year old.

Samantha said, happy early Mother's Day. Don't do that, girl.

Don't do that, girl. Don't do that.

Topless government, which is a wild name by the way, but I love it. What made you become a dating coach? Well, I've always been someone, even in elementary school, I helped the boys talk to the girls and the girls talk to the boys. And so I've always been like a conduit who's been able to kind of navigate both groups. Girl, I was. Girl, I was double dutching with the girls and I was playing basketball with the boys. Right. And.

You know, I think that.

Why did I become one? I really do enjoy it. I love it. It energizes me. It fills me up. I think I'm really good at it. I think I'm one of the best.

It brings me joy. I don't, I don't care about these dudes that you get. I think that they're the cherry on top. What I really do appreciate and love is the self development and the level up that happens as you are on your dating journey to get your person right. Like your person is healthy and up here and some of us are starting from here and we need to get here to actually meet that person. And so my job is to uplift you. Right. By all means necessary, girl. Sometimes I have to go Malcolm X on these, on these fools. No shade. Right. I don't mean that in a bad way. I just mean that in a. I'm going to do whatever it takes to make sure that we're leveling up. Yeah. Because that is, that's the goal here. And I want to make sure that.

All of my ladies are ready for the best relationship of their lives. So I've been doing this for about 14 years. I've coached it all, I've seen it all, I've heard it all. That's why for many of y', all, you're like, oh my God, he has answers for everything. Because, girl, the question that you've asked, I've answered a hundred times or more. I'm really actually not that quick. I'm just very experienced. Experienced, yeah. So if you're looking to really lean into this work, definitely go to the link in my bio book, a consultation call. There will be an application first and foremost, that has, like, my pricing of my programs. It has what's included in my programs within the application as well. So if you're interested in that, definitely kind of go through the application. Some applications are accepted, some, some are not.

So if I accepted all of them, I literally would not have time to talk with my own family. So we are looking for women that are ready to get into the program now that are open and willing to invest in their love lives. We're looking for people that are employed. If you do not have a job, do not apply for my program. I will not let you in. Yeah, you need to come stay stable. The reason I say that is because women that don't have a job, you will. Any sort of relationship that you enter into will always, will always be imbalanced.

And you will always start from a specific, like from an imbalance and disempowered state.

Yeah.

So, okay. Pink hearts at signs a white man is generous and a provider.

I think it's the same signs that any man is generous and a provider. So I did a video about providing and I want us to focus on.

How a man solves problems, how he provides solutions. That's a true provider. Yeah.

Obviously. Generous is generous. So generous with time, with spirit, with heart, with emotions, with communication, with energy.

And financially as well.

Okay, let me see what's going on here.

Should you be dating when still in college, about to pursue a PhD? Yes. Girl dates.

The if the most successful thing that you can do if you're getting a grad degree is like, really get into that grad community and start dating like crazy.

Like.

Yeah, date, girl. You're gonna need somebody to support you when you're trying to, you know, prove that thesis. Anyway. Girl.

Yeah.

T rail said that brain is fixed. Good girl. I love it. Nelly said, where's the music that girl, that. That comes on Sunday. Squirrel. Just like church. That's when we have the music in the background, you know? Girl, last Sunday, the girls wanted R B. They said no to Neo soul. Girl. They were not down for that.

Kid said, what do you think of Las Vegas as a dating city? I think it is tough. I think you got a lot of transient people and you got a lot of people that are performing on and off the strip.

Mesa said, you are the truth when it comes to dating advice. Thank you. Girl.

User 250 said, ER is going to start getting led from prison. I better not, girl. I don't take collect calls. Girl.

As Oral said, how do you get the statistics you share with us. Like, when you say black women, white men have the lowest divorce rates. What's the research behind that? Girl, there are so many research studies out there.

So first of all, I read like a mofo. My God. I'm kind of scared for you all to see this, like, bookshelf. I'll show it to you. Anyway.

So do you see, like, oh, all these books down here? Oops.

These are all dating relationships self care books. So some of the. Some of that comes in books. Sometimes it's looked up on the Internet and sometimes it's my own data that I have. I have a. I've worked with thousands of women over the last 14 years. And every month when I do my financials, I also get a sense of, okay, how many dates happen this month? Right. How many phone dates, how many physical dates, how many drop offs? Right. I think I'm gonna do a video soon about.

Probability of next date because I think it's, like, really important so that you all understand that, like, a lot of these dates are really like a flip of the coin. A lot of us get butt hurt because we think, oh, my God, we're on a date. Like, we're. We're gonna have another date. Half the time you're not going to see that person ever again. Yeah.

Okay.

Harmony said, I've never seen black people get matched like that with a matchmaker. Mm. I know.

Someone said, I'm back from Google. Girl. How was it? Girl, you know what tossing salad means now?

Most said, are matchmakers okay for white girls? Girl, I wouldn't even. I wouldn't even tell the white girls to go on matchmakers. Seriously. I have a colleague who used to be a matchmaker. They said the success rate was 5%, and that was just for white girls. So you already know it's probably 0.05% for black women. Yeah.

I wouldn't do it, girl. That's just me.

The other thing is, like, honestly speaking, I think that.

Part of the work that I do is making sure that you're able to trust yourself. And I. I think that you are your own best matchmaker. No one can tell you what you want and what you need. That has to actually come from you. A lot of us actually don't know our full selves. And so the intention of my program is to help you know, you. Because if you know you, then you can share you with another person. A lot of us, and this is no shade.

We only know about 60, 70% of ourselves, and we haven't even explored the other Parts of ourselves that are actually the very important parts of ourselves.

Yeah, that's, that's the gag.

And I get it right, because a lot of stuff feels really scary to like explore. But all that stuff that's in Pandora's box that you don't want to open is probably the most important parts of you. So part of my job is to slowly open it with my clients, let a little bit out.

Each week so that you are showing up as your full authentic self and you're giving 100%.

Yeah.

So if you want to learn how to do that work, definitely check the link in my bio book, a consult consultation call and we'll figure out if it's a good fit or not. No pressure.

Vacay expert said. How did you meet your husband, girl? On the Internet.

On the net, girl.

And.

Yeah, I was in LA and he was in Montreal at the time. And this is. If you were here early in the live, then you heard me say that I really thought that my shit did not stink. I thought I was better than everybody. And girl, when I first met him, girl, I was over him. I was like, I'm everything and you're nothing. No shade, all shade. And I just wasn't ready. My heart was not there, my heart was blocked. Like I didn't let anybody know who I was because I hadn't done the work. I still had my inner child wounds that I needed to heal. I still had my like self esteem that I needed to heal. It's interesting.

I will say this. I think a lot of very self confident women have a very hard time in dating and it's not because of what you think, because confidence is about your like, your thoughts about what you can do and your self esteem is really about how you value who you are. Right. And so for the smart girls, for the church girls, for the mar, you know, Mother Teresa's out there, for the super hard working girls, you have a lot of confidence in what you're able to do. And I was the same way. But I didn't necessarily know if I was worthy of everything anymore, which was crazy. I don't want to say crazy. Which was programmed and conditioned based on my color, based on my sexuality, based on my lived experience and seeing my mother do everything for everyone and thinking that that's what it meant to love and be loved.

So that's why I was paying for everyone's dinner and giving thousands of dollars to my family every year and you know, picking people up from the airport and back. Even though it was like Very stressful and hard for me to do, but I would just do it anyway. All of that. If you're doing that, you need to stop it now.

That's not going to work.

Yeah. And guess what? It's easy for me to say. It's harder for you to do. And that's what I help my clients do.

Yeah. So if you need help in doing that, because here's the thing. If you want to continue to do that, go ahead, girl. You gonna find a taker. You gonna attract a narcissist. The healthy guys want to provide for you. They want to do for you. And if you're not used to accepting that.

You'Re gonna. You're gonna accept people that are gonna rob you while you're not blind.

Yeah. So that's the work that we do in my program. It's not like a text him this so that you'll make him do that. Although there's some of that. Like, I do help clients who might need help with certain language, but most of it is like, who is the woman that you are meant to be?

Let's create steps for you to get there.

Arlene said, hey, what if my ex comes back saying he's not a father, that the baby isn't his? What should I do? Go to Mori? Girl, don't go to me. He'll. He'll let you know what the real tea is. You're gonna have to see the paperwork. But this seems very complicated. No shade. But it should not. It doesn't need to be this complicated.

Karen's Caribbean Kitchen. Thank you so much for the rose.

Diva of Devotion. Have you noticed an increase of non black men over openly seeking black women? I don't think that. I think that.

What a lot of white men are noticing is that black women are actually open to them, which hasn't necessarily. They haven't felt that way before.

So I think that there's more interracial couples that have that makeup. Yes. And they actually think, like, it's going to increase significantly over the next 10 to 15 years. And I feel bad for the black men who haven't leveled up yet because they're going to be left in the dust with just their hand.

No shade.

Yeah. I wouldn't be surprised if that combination of white men and black women or it increases from 10% to 30%.

Ricard girl said, going to the derby this weekend. I'm hoping to meet someone. Any tips?

I was having this conversation in my private Facebook community, which has over 200 black and brown women in there. And what the girls were telling me that I didn't know because I'm not, I'm not in that Derby life is that the Derby, the Kentucky Derby is messy. It's like a frat party. And that you actually won't meet a lot of individuals there. But there is another one that you will, another one that you will meet.

Have a better chance of meeting people. Let me find what the girl was saying. Virginia Gold Cup.

Yeah.

That'S, that's the one that the Gold cup is in Virginia. Yeah. So that might be the one that you want to go to after this one.

Thank you all so much for the 100,000 likes up here in Tick Tock. I appreciate it.

Ella said you recommended Set Boundaries, Find Peace by Nedra Tawab and it really did so much for me. Thank you. You're so welcome.

So, so welcome. Let me see what time it is. Oh, my God, it's 11:19. Time goes by so fast.

Somebody ygi needed you in my younger years, girl. I needed me in my younger years.

Kimberly said, can we hear one of your client success stories? I have like four podcasts, four or five podcast episodes. I try to do one every six months or so since I've been doing the podcast over the last four years. So I have them on my podcast. If you go to my website, you'll see video testimonials. I want to say like 15 or 20 of them. I need to ask my ladies for more. I never get around to doing that.

But I mean, I have ladies getting into great relationships every week. So, I mean, talk to me about what kind of person you want to hear a success story from and then I can give you an example.

Smiley face, said guy cancelled date twice now, says he's really busy but still keen. Keep bothering or no, let him go. He doesn't have time for you and you're not a priority. Please understand something. The busiest individuals are actually the people that have some of the best time management skills.

Yeah.

This is really important. And the busiest people are the ones that will probably respond to you the quickest because, girl, they have their. They have their phone in their hands all the time and they're used to just like shooting off emails and text messages like that. So anytime I hear the word busy, I want. When every time you hear the word busy, I want you to think, oh, he doesn't like me. Let me move on.

Because that's really what it is.

And if you don't believe me, think about some of the busiest times that you've had in your life and your mom has called you and you've dropped everything to put. Take. To take her call or your best friend or whoever is in your tribe.

There's no such thing as too busy.

Mankasha said what to do. When white. White men likes you but can feel they are intimidated, Start talking. Start talking to them. You have to. You have to break the ice, girl, because they don't know that you're even checking for them.

You are literally. You literally gonna have to talk to them.

And one of the ways that I always say that a white guy is interested in you, if his. If his. If his feet are pointing toward you, his body language is saying he's interested, okay? If his.

If he's talking to you for more than two or three minutes, he's interested in you. A lot of y' all are missing these white men, honey, because you're, like, having these conversations with them in the grocery store, in the elevator, on the street, and you're like, oh, that's a nice guy. No, girl, if he was talking to you for more than two or three minutes, it's because he liked you. He wasn't trying to be nice to you.

White men aren't naturally nice to people.

They're colonizers. They always want something, girl. So if he's talking to you for more than two or three minutes, girl, he wanted something from you.

Oh, lordy, lordy, lordy.

I'm just reading a lot of the comments that you. That you all are saying.

I think a lot of things are starting to resonate and hit, which I love, because that's really what it's about. If the things. If. If it's resonating with you, definitely tap on the screen like, like, like, like, like. If you are like, oh, my gosh, I have to work with him. Definitely book a consultation call. Sasha said, what's your favorite relationship book?

Well, I'm a nerd, girl. Okay, so emotionally speaking, someone asked, do I work with adoptees? Yes, girl. I work with everybody. This is. If you're a black woman, this is it.

All about love by the. The bell hooks. So this is my emotional. This is my emotional book.

And then.

This is my statistics book. Why men marry some women and not others. This is like statistics, statistics, numbers. You see, girl, some is so good. I gotta just half it.

Yeah, I gotta just have it, girl. So that's my math statistics book.

And then my science book.

Don Masler. Men chase, women choose.

So you can't choose just one, honey. It's like a Pringle, honey.

So I hope that helps, because some of these dating coaches are doing this with y' all or just reading random Instagram quotes, girl. And thinking it's. They're doing something.

Okay. Someone said they wanted to screenshot these books. I'm gonna do this.

Girl. I'm so messy sometimes. Girl.

You literally just messy for no reason.

Ashley said, what do you say when a guy asks you out on a first date for drinks but you don't drink? Just say, oh, my God. Thank you so much. I look forward to seeing you. I don't drink, but I would love to get a cup of coffee.

We always appreciate and we always. It's never a no, it is. It's a. Not this, but this.

Yeah. Sasha said. Donkeshun Bitter Liba.

How old is your youngest client? 26. I. I don't work with anyone that's younger than 26. Because.

One of the things that I learned in this book that is very accurate based on my experience, is that uneducated men are ready to marry at 26. Educated men are not ready to marry until the age of 32 on average.

So.

Let me see what you all are talking about then. I'm gonna. I think I'm gonna go soon because I need some sleep. I gotta take. Girl, I'm a mother. I have to take my kids to.

To the dentist tomorrow morning and get a gift because one of my kids has a birthday party in the. In the afternoon and I gotta take one of my kids to gymnastics. Yes, honey, it's. Girl, Saturdays are my Uber days, girl. Better give me my motherfucking five stars. That's all I gotta say.

Someone said, okay, when I talk to the white guys, they talk, but the combos. Combo ends. And that's it.

Girl. You. You. It's good to also flirt a little bit, girl.

Yeah, have some fun. Let them know that you're into it. Sometimes you guys are acting like when you talk to some of these white men, this is no shade. Y' all acting like y' all are old school neighbors.

Yeah, don't do that, girl. Give fun. Give banter, give flirt. And if you don't know how to do that, give Anwar's program.

Yeah.

I'm trying to go through these really quickly.

Someone said, move your face out of the way, girl. I oughta.

Good screenshot. One at a time. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. This is one.

Someone asked favorite apps right now. This is two. Bumble. Definitely. Oops.

This is good. This is a good one. Anytime you. If you ever hear a dating coach that's talking about vasopressin or any sort of love science. It's basically from this book. I don't want you to think that anyone is a fucking genius. They've read this book and they've memorized it like I have. This is the original one that people said that they missed. Yeah, there are some dating coaches that are trying to come for me because I'm talking about that, and they're like, oh, he's taking my shit. No, girl, I fucking read it in a book and anybody can do it.

Yeah.

Okay. I hope that helped.

All right, ladies, I am going to go. I hope that this was helpful for you.

And for those that want to do this work more intimately, definitely click the link in my bio book, a consultation call. Also, for those that aren't ready to, like, go hard in the paint, listen to my podcast and keep on coming to these lives. Yeah, you will get a shit ton of information and knowledge. I try to make sure that the stuff that I offer for free is better than anyone's paid. So keep coming to these. And if you're never ready, that's fine, too, because the information that I give you here can help you get your guy in my program. We just do it in a much deeper level, which is oftentimes necessary, but not necessarily for everyone. Right. And that's okay, too. All right, my loves, have a great weekend and I will talk with you soon. Bye. Bye.