Dating Q&A - 05-03-25

Hello. Hello. Hello.

Hello. Hello. Hello. I hope everyone's doing well. Good morning. We're brunching. We're brunching today. Yeah. So happy to see you all. I hope you're doing well. I hope you're doing well on this Saturday morning. Are we brunching? Are we getting it together, ladies? I surely do hope so. Now, what's the tea? What's the tea? Tea. What's going on? Are we getting into good trouble this weekend? Please let me know. I want to know. Hello, Kathleen. Good to see you, girl. Hey, Janelle. Hey, glam gal. Janae said, I just joined Hinge again because of you, girl.

Hinges a mess. Hey, Jesse. Hey, Revy. Hey, Georgia. Hey, Jordan. Good to see you. L said it's dry out there. The apps are horrific. Honey, let me tell you something. Oh, before I get into it, girl. Cuz you know I like to get into it.

Well, let me just get into it, honey. Y' all gonna have to be go outside.

May is for going outside. May and June. Honey, we outside.

Yes, Online offline. You want to do both. But no, girl, you need to be outside. If you're not outside, what are you doing? It's May.

Don't act like it's March 2020 and everybody's gonna die from COVID Okay, thank you. Now, for those of you that don't know me, my name is Coach Anwar. Dating Coach Anwar. I am a dating coach for black and brown women. I help them heal their hearts and get into the best relationship of their lives. I. I haven't come on in the morning in a. In a while. I used to do it all the time, but I was like, oh, my God. I haven't been on Live in so long, girl. I've been working out. I've been. Because of the whole viral situation. I have been so booked and so busy and bringing on so many new ladies to help them get into their love life. I've just been so stretched. But I'm here and queer and I'm ready to help you with your love life. So if you are not used to being on here, this is how we do things. You put your questions in the chat and I answer them in the order that I see them. Now, I. There might be a lot of people that are in here. There's 300, but generally sometimes it gets to, like, 1400 and it starts going like crazy. So sometimes I might miss questions. If I do just put them in there again, I hope to get to them. And if there's anything that I say that like, really resonates with you, or you feel like I'm spilling true tea. True Tequila tap, double tap, triple tap. That screen. I want you to have Vogue on the screen. Can you do that? Because I know most of y' all are gay anyway. No shade.

Oh, my gosh. Okay, I'm. Am I starting up? Am I starting up already?

Ah, girl, I mean, I don't know what to say. Someone said, don't clock my tea. I mean, y' all are just between all this rhetoric with the DL. Whisper the DL, honey. Yo, y. Y' all up in it. Yeah.

Yeah.

It's a mess, honey. It's a mess. Okay. Someone said, you have so many questions. Okay, girl, put them in there. Someone said, no, we're not. Friend girl.

Okay, if that one time in college doesn't count, then, no, you're not. But if it does, then most of y'. All are.

Okay, let me see what y' all are talking about, because I already know y' all talking about some mess. Honey, do you have your mimosas?

Okay. Someone said, BLK is the worst. It is the worst. I would not recommend that app to my worst enemy.

One time, my client was like, hey, I really want to just get some more diversity. So she was on BLK. Within 15 minutes, she was chatting with a guy, and he said, well, I'm married, but I would love to come and see you.

Girl. And I don't use this word a lot, but I'm gonna use it. BLK is ghetto. BLK is.

BLK has a lot of people on it that.

You know, those people in our family that we don't really talk about too much because they're. They're on their journey.

BLK has a lot of those that cousin you don't talk, talk about, talk to when. When they come into the family gathering. He's on blk. Yeah, yeah. So many of you are saying, my show is on. Am I a show, girl? Am I a show?

Okay. Someone said, are you Arabic?

I've had a lot of Arabs in me. Does that count?

Does it count? Girl.

I'm in the living room, so I can't. Girl, my kids can come in at any moment, so I can't be talking all the mess like I usually do.

I can't, like, give you all the tea, honey, some. Okay. Does it count? Give me a. Give me a. Yes, if it counts. Air it by injection. Does it count?

I need to know. Someone said, are you Jewish? Lheim. Again, Jewish by injection?

Yeah, why not? I'm every woman.

Oh.

I'M I'm mixed.

Honey. That's why, honey. What do they call it? Girl.

I like, you know, I'm.

Have to get. I have to get. I have to get it all, honey.

It's all and me.

Okay, let me see what the questions are. Honey. Y' all getting me started up already. Okay, before we get into it, should we be listening to Neo soul or R B?

There are no. There are no other options. I'm not a rap girl. I'll leave that to the shade room. Girls. I'm an R B and I'm a Neo soul girl.

And I'm not in the mood for any alternative rock or metal. Okay, so Neo soul or R B.

Okay, okay, we'll do some Neo soul. Okay. Because y'. All. Y' all serving Jill Scott this morning.

Okay. Okay. When are we gonna meet your mom?

Girl.

Stop.

Actually, in June. She's gonna come with me to one of my clients weddings, and so we might go live then.

How does that sound?

Okay, let me see what y' all are talking about.

Okay. Socially anxious. How do I go about dating? Well, I think it's helpful for the socially anxious girls. Make sure that a lot of your interactions start online. It's actually going to help you get more comfortable chatting with people so that when you are meeting them in real life, you've already had all of this experience with them. So that's number one. Number two, like, when before you, like, go and meet anyone, make sure that you have, like, a phone call and even, like a FaceTime date so that again, you can have that level of comfort and trust before meeting them. So that when you do meet them in real life for the first time, you're not. Y' all keep on saying socially anxious. It's. It's just weird, girl. Right? Like, we start to act out, we start to freak out, we start to not be ourselves, and we start to weird out. So that's what I think is really important here. The other thing for my socially anxious girls, because I do want to be a little bit more sensitive on a Saturday morning, is go out with friends. Go out with friends so that you're not hyper focused on what's happening externally, that you can kind of stay in your microcosm of a world and just have a good time and radiate the energy to attract people to come toward you.

Yeah. Okay, let me see what other questions we have. Ladies, thoughts on dating Jewish men? I mean, I'm like.

If you're black.

If you're black, you need to be. Okay, there Are you need to be dating a variety of different people, but, like, definitely Jewish guys. I mean, right now, they're kind of. They've gone down on the list, But Jewish guys, Italian guys, redheads, European men.

Those are like, my top, top.

Honey, if he. If he's got that little hat right here, right? Honey, I'm in like a Flynn. I'm trying to figure out what's going on. I'm gonna do. I'm doing a Charlotte. Honey, I might just convert. Girl, I don't care. I'm doing it. What did ll say? Doing it and doing it and doing it. Well.

Get into it, honey. I need a lot of black Jewish kids in the next 20 years from Y'. All.

Yeah. Okay, let me see what. What y' all talking about. What's your take on age gaps?

Well, I think it's really important for black women to date younger men. Similar to what Tracee Ellis Ross said. Most of my clients are getting into relationships. We get women into relationships every other day in my program, but most of them are getting with men that are three to six years younger than they are. So don't shade those young boys that are hollering. Also, like, when you're dating and they're, like, out significantly younger girl, entertain them, engage with them. Like, talk your is. Okay.

So I would say, like, you know, plus 10 years, minus five years. That's kind of the range. But if you're like, 50 plus, I would actually say, like, flip that. Plus five years, minus 10 years.

Yeah.

Okay, let me see what y' all talking about. Oh, my God. Where are the questions? What are your best tips for the date range for tall women?

What do you mean, date range?

What does that mean.

For my tall women? I. I really want y' all to date everybody I know. I. I have a number of ladies that are 5, 10, or are up in my program.

I. My whole thing is, like, if he can pick you up.

Then he's all right. In my book. I think a lot of tall women want to feel feminine, and they haven't felt feminine, and so they think that having someone taller is going to make them feel feminine. But what I want to offer to you, all that may feel or think that way, is that femininity comes from within you. It's not his job to make you feel feminine. That's your job. And if you need help with doing that, we can definitely help you. If you go to the link in my bio, you can book a consultation call and we can talk through how to do the deeper work so that we don't feel like we need men to feel a certain way, that those feelings are coming from within you. Because that's really what it's about at the end of the day.

Lilia said how to feel our feminine energy. So great question. A lot of the work that we do is actually healing your mother wound.

Why do I say that? I say that because a lot of black and brown mothers are very much in their masculine energy and serve as a model for you to navigate the world. Also, you know, a lot of our parents are like very hard on us growing up. It's hard to be in your feminine energy when someone is very strict and hard with you. So part of this work and what we do in my program is we heal that little girl inside. We talk to her, we engage with her, we make her feel safe. Cuz here's the thing. If y' all want us to continue to be in your masculine energy, which probably has driven a lot of like professional success for you, if you're bringing that energy into a relationship, what will generally happen is that you will attract more feminized men and or you will attract hyper toxic masculine men thinking that they're going to keep you safe and they're not. They're actually going to try to forcibly submit you into your feminine. If you've had that experience, let me know in the chat. I want to, I want to see, I want to see what the tea is. And if you've had those experience, you need to know that means you're probably in your masculine. Yeah. Someone said this is too loud. Yeah, honey, this is your morning wake up call. What did they say in sister act? Wake up you sleepy head Wake up, you sleepy head Wake up, you sleepy head Wake up, you sleepy head.

Someone said I just described their baby daddy. Okay. Someone said, I always meet the betas because. Because girl, you the alpha.

Someone said acting feminine attracts masculine.

The whole thing, ladies, is that if you feminine, you don't have to act feminine, you just are. And I know how ironic it is for a gay man to be telling women about being in their feminine energy. But as someone who flows between the masculine and the feminine very easily.

I know how to work it on both sides. I mean, I think that's what makes me an amazing dating coach because I'm able to see these different perspectives where it might be hard for other people too. Yeah. So we got to get into our femme. We have to. We have to. If we want masculine, energetic partners. It's 2025. You get to do Whatever the hell you want, Right? But the choice is that if you say in your masculine honey, no, Shade, you're gonna have to get with some male kindergarten teachers or some male nurses.

Okay?

Yeah, that's what it looks like. Okay, let me see what else y' all talk about.

Koven said, omg, I've been going through it as a dark skinned woman in Philly, shaking my head. Okay, so when, if you're in Philly, make sure that your radiuses radii are very big.

In. You need to hit Jersey. You're gonna get more life in Jersey than in Philly. So that's probably where you're gonna get your people if you're in Jersey. A lot of my Jersey girls get with guys from Queens, and a lot of my Queens and Long island girls get with guys that are in Jersey. Philly. Philly. The.

Garganza said, do. Do you suggest dating while still living with family? I think it's important for you to have a, like an exit plan. The, the thing about living with family is that it's always going to force you to be in your little daughter energy. And if you're gonna have a successful relationship, you have to be in your woman or queen energy. Girl, we can't be sneaking men into our room as if we were 14 years old. No shade. That's lame, right? You want to be able to have a nice charcuterie board, have a nice evening with your people all around the house, not just in your room. So part of this work is making sure that you are ready to be in a full fledged relationship. So I would, I would have a plan. That's all I would say.

Rising Libra said, love the episode with you and low key pros. Yeah, that's my girl. I love that she gives a girl flirting tips. Because no, Shade, a lot of women, specifically black and brown women, don't know how to flirt and don't know how to banter. And so what we try to do in the program is like, give you ways to think about it, ways to do it. Shall we talk a little bit about flirting and banter? And what I've learned too, is a reason why people, especially women of color, don't know how to flirt and banter is because for their entire lives they've been taught that they have to be serious and that they have to be respected. And in reality, what happens is men will actually engage and be connected with you faster if you know how to flirt and you know how to banter. I think a lot of people project that in thinking, like, because men are flirting and bantering, they think that men are actually very unserious. So when they think about themselves flirting or bantering, then they feel unserious as well. But the girls that are flirting and bantering, they get a man because they actually know how to deeply connect with them. It's the fastest way. A lot of the smart girls like to talk about this deep talk and, you know, universe philosophies and stuff like that. Girl, you can't get there unless you've engendered a level of trust within the connection. And the fastest way to get there is by bantering and flirting. Y' all know how to banter? Do you know how to flirt?

If you don't know, then give me a hashtag what?

Yeah. Yes, honey. Hashtag what? Hashtag what? Hashtag what? What? What? Oh, my God. Oh, my God. So many what's. Oh, my gosh. I'm getting overwhelmed. I'm getting overwhelmed. Oh, my God. Look at all the what's. Oh, my God. What, What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What, What? What? Do you see all these what's. Ladies? So I think it's important to understand.

That you're not alone.

You're not alone. And not understanding how to navigate this. A lot of people ask me, why are you a dating coach for black women? Like, it is because they have unique challenges that are actually preventing them from getting their people, getting their guys. Right? Yeah. Okay, let's do a little flirt. Flirt. Because this is, like, my favorite part to, like, talk with the boys. And they are boys, by the way. Ladies. Yeah. A lot of the women, when you're engaging in your dating life, you. Sometimes we bring a certain daughter energy into dating. Dating. And so we're treating a lot of these men as if they are our fathers and putting them on a pedestal, and they shouldn't be on a pedestal. So that is the first advice that is very important when you are bantering and flirting.

You can't. They can't be on a pedestal. You actually have to be on the pedestal. You have to. You have to understand that you are the queen. If you all have ever seen that music video by Michael Jackson, remember the time. And Iman is on her throne, and all of these men are coming and trying to entertain her.

And she's saying yes or no, right? Or sometimes she's saying this. You have to have that level of. Of, like, mindset if you're gonna do this. Right? Okay. Okay.

So let's talk. You put yourself on a pedestal and then there's no roster. No, no, no, no, no, no. That's not it. That's not it. The thing is, it's not about roster. Right? You. You five steps ahead. It's not about men.

This is about your interaction and the way that you connect with them. Because once you master that, you can get any roster. Many of you all are so focused on just getting the guys and getting the roster and meeting quality men. This stuff is not about that. My work is not about that. I want to be very clear about that because here's the thing, and I'm going to say this with love and respect. A lot of people, if your perfect person came today, you would not be ready to thrive in that relationship. And so my job as a dating coach is to get you ready for that best top relationship.

Okay? And I'm saying that with no shade.

I'm saying that with absolutely no shade.

Time. Very important.

You can't be girl. You can't banter, you can't flirt. If you can't banter and flirt now, how are you supposed to do that with your man?

That's what it's about. He's not coming home because he wants to have intellectual debates with you. He can do that at work.

He's coming home so he can have fun, he can chill, he can talk shit.

And you gotta be able to do it. I always tell the girls, you got. You gotta be homie, lover, friend.

Homie, lover, friend. And some of us are just the homie. That's where you get friendzone. Some of us are the lover. That's where you get.

Deed down.

And some of us are the friend. The nice girls that become counselors for the boys. You actually have to learn how to embody and encompass all three of those.

So that you can get it.

Yeah. MG said, I really appreciate your honesty. Supported with years of experience. Relationship wisdom at its best. Someone said, I'm sick of being a counselor because you haven't mastered the other two things, lady. Yeah. Max said you have two sisters. I have two.

I have two. Yeah. So.

That'S what I'm talking about. Ambam said, omg. I'm the counselor. Stop it. Stop it now.

Stop it now. Don't counsel any men.

That's not your job.

Someone said, I'm Middle Eastern, but your content helped me a lot. Girl, Middle Eastern people are brown. Thank you. I'm done.

Yeah, so.

Let me. Let's talk a little bit about talking your ish.

Yeah, let's talk a little bit about talking your ish. Okay.

Yeah. Joseon said had my consultation yesterday. It was eye opening. I know, girl. I mean, I. You. You better start working with this girl. I will tell you right now.

We are probably going to be sold out in the next week because of all the viral stuff that happened a couple of weeks ago. Like, yes, there was a lot of, like, negative talk or whatever, but a lot of women actually reached out and now we're working with them. So we're gonna be sold out in about a week's time. I'm like 100 sure of it. So if y' all want to do this work, definitely. Honey, book that consultation. Call book it. Honey. Someone said write a book. Girl. I just got an amazing agent. I have an amazing agent.

And who does Hollywood stuff. Who are. I connected with them because I want to make my. My book is already done. I'm already editing it. I had a meeting with an editor earlier this week, but I want to make my book into a movie.

So. Yeah. So once I published that book. It'll come out in time, honey. It'll come out in time.

SG62 said, Hollywood, stay away from it, girl. I'm from Hollywood. I. I'm a bit of the Hollyweird.

Yes. Honey, we're gonna make this book into a New York Times bestseller.

Yeah. Okay, let's get into bantering.

And by the way, this book. This book is going to be much better because it's really focused for black women. I just want you all to know this. We're gonna. I was just talking to my editor. I was. I was telling her that this book is a mix of all about love.

And why do men love. Honey, get you a. Get you a dating coach that can do it all. Okay.

We're. We're not just going to be talking about.

Like, why. Why things are hard. What is your lived experience as a woman of color, but also what the hell do you do in certain situations? Yeah.

What do you do? Because most of us don't know how to date. Tap, double tap, triple tap the screen if I am speaking your truth.

Yeah. Give me a hashtag not taught. And please spell taught correctly if you have not been taught how to date. And by the way, if you don't spell it correctly, I will kick you out of this life. Thank you. We do educated here.

Yes, yes, yes. Okay.

Yeah.

I want y' all to know that most of y' all haven't been taught.

So, of course, like, how could you expect yourself to. To perform surgery if you never went to med school?

It's nearly impossible. So I'm sharing this with you because I think it's. I think a lot of our community doesn't understand, like why would there ever be such a dating coach? Right? Like why do we feel like we need it? Because you never taught that.

And I hope that you see all of these women in here sharing that they haven't been taught to know that you're not alone. Very important. Very important. Okay. Someone said not taught. But I watch your content. I love that. But I will tell you that my content is like 5, 10% of my actual program. My program has different frameworks, different ways to evaluate men, different scoring and evaluation systems. All of that. Yeah, we get into it. Yeah.

Okay.

Let. And so if you're interested, definitely book a consultation call. If you're not, you don't have to. Honey, like I said before, we literally almost completely booked. I actually think I might have to add another coach to my roster.

Just cuz we have so many ladies that are rocking it out and ready to rock it out.

Okay, so let's get into.

Bantering and flirting cuz most of y' all don't know how to do it.

Yeah. And you have to do it if you are going to be considered someone that I want to spend the rest of your life with. Rest of my life with. Yeah.

Yeah. Okay. So maybe what might be helpful is if I give examples and then in the chat you can share what you would say in that situation. Or why don't you put some examples of like different, like things that guys say when you're out and about and then we can figure out like what potential, like responses we can have. Okay.

Yeah. Okay.

Someone said. Someone record. I have to go, girl. All of these.

Like lives are always put in my YouTube channel. Okay. Yeah. Okay.

If someone, if someone says.

Oh, hey, you looking beautiful today, what are you gonna say? Let me see. In the chat.

If a, if a guy like, you know, you're walking down the street and he says, oh, you look really beautiful today. What are you saying? Thanks. Thanks, thanks, thanks. C. That's a C. You. No. Nope, nope, nope. That's no shade. That's mediocre. Mediocre, mediocre. Thanks is not enough.

You hear me?

Thanks is not enough. Someone said smile and say nothing. D.

Just because you say thank you so much does not make it better. You're. That's a C. C response.

Someone said just for you. A minus. That's how you banter, honey. You gotta let them know I'm here. I'm Letting. I'm letting y' all have it. Someone said, do we think he's cute? It doesn't matter. Y' all are trying to marry and y' all need to just banter and flirt and connect and have fun.

That mentality of, is this person going to be my husband is going to kill you every time. Right? You're looking very beautiful today.

Oh, I'm sure you say that to all the beautiful women out there. Now he. Now we've challenged him. Now he has to prove that he doesn't. And he's just doing it for me. That's the a respect response, right? And now he has. Now he has to give me another compliment. Right? And ladies, just FYI, I'm not. I'm not saying this to shade you all, but I want you to know where you are and where you might need to be.

You hear me?

Someone said, could I be like, do you compliment every woman you see? No, no, you didn't hear what I said. Do you compliment all the beautiful women? Because you still. He needs to know that you already believe that you're beautiful. So in his mind, you're. He's already know. Oh, she gets this a lot. She's not. She's not phased by me just calling her beautiful. Now he has to come even harder with a compliment.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Do you see what we're doing here, ladies?

Do you see how we gotta level up here?

Yeah. Okay. Someone said, I'm glad you agree. So that's a. That's a little bit like, oh, I'm. I'm full of myself. Right? And when I give this feedback, it's. I'm not shading. But I'm just gonna give you the perspective of, okay, she. Now she thinks she all that. All right. The way that you say I'm glad that you agree is everything, right? Because some of y' all have a very, like, over it tone. But if you're, like, warm, then you might be able to make it work. Okay.

Okay.

What about saying I know F, F, F, F, F, F. Yeah, don't do that.

Don't do that. Don't do that.

Girl. Then dead. You deaded the conversation. Why? Because you haven't inspired him.

Then you might be able to make it work. Okay.

Okay.

What about saying, I know F, F, F, F, F, F. Yeah, don't do that.

Don't do that. Don't do that.

Girl. Then dead. You deaded the conversation. Haven't inspired him. Men want to be inspired.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah. Someone said just for you.

Why? Because you haven't inspired him.

You bomb, bomb, bomb. Yes. Someone said thank you, handsome. Haven't inspired him. Men want to be inspired.

Yeah.

Yeah. So that's like a B, B minus response. And the reason why I say that is because when you are giving him a compliment, after he's given you a compliment, you step down from your pedestal.

And like I was just saying.

Yeah, someone said just for you.

You had to stay on your pedestal, girl.

He's got to continue to prove himself and you need to bomb, bomb, bomb. Yes. Someone said, thank you, handsome. So that's like a B, B minus response. And the reason why I say that is because when you are giving him a compliment, after he's given you a compliment, continue to challenge him.

Right. But if you already given him the compliments, we're on the same page. We're give. It's giving separate but equal.

Someone said his B is good, though. Yeah. You step down from your pedestal.

And like I was just saying, but girl, I'm on a roll. I'm an AP girl. Honey, I'm valedictor. You got to stay on your pedestal, girl.

He's got to continue to prove himself and you need to continue to challenge him.

Right. But if you already given him the compliments, we're on the same page. It's giving separate but equal.

Orion.

I'm not here for you all to be good. I'm here for you all to be great.

I believe I'm the best out there, and I want you all to be the best as well.

That's why I'm expensive.

I'm not Walmart. So B is not good enough. I want great for myself and all of you out there. That's why we're having this conversation.

Someone said his B is good, though. Yeah, but girl, I'm honor roll. I'm an AP girl. Honey, I'm valedictorian.

I'm not here for you all to be good. I'm here for you all to be great.

I believe I'm the best out there, and I want you all to be the best as well. Station.

Okay.

I mean, do you have anyone else that's giving you this song?

That's why I. I'm expensive.

I'm not Walmart. So B is not good enough. I want great for myself and all of you out there.

That's why we're having this conversation.

Okay.

T.

Yeah.

That'S what I thought. Okay, give me another example, ladies. We'll do a couple more and then I'm gonna go. Because, honey, she's A suburban mother of three. And so we have d.

I mean, do you have anyone else that's giving you this tea?

Yeah.

Sleepover drop off, Parkour drop off.

Okay.

Let me see.

Exactly. Honey, I'm Hermes. Get into it. That's what I thought. Okay, give me another example, ladies. We'll do a couple more, and then I'm gonna go. Because, honey, she's a suburban mother of three. And so we have dance, sleepover drop off, Parkour drop off.

Okay, give me some examples. Okay.

Let me see. Of like, okay, if he says you look like big money, then you do this.

And you walk the hell on. That's not an. That's not an example. We're not engaging in that.

Okay.

Exactly. Honey, I'm Hermes. Get into it.

Okay, give me some examples.

Of like, okay, if he says you look like big money, then you do this.

And you walk the hell on. That's not.

If he says you that you're big money, then he has a small D and a small chance with you.

Okay, we're not doing that. Not an. That's not an example. We're not engaging in that.

Okay.

If he said, you today or ever.

Okay, that you're big money, then he has a small D and a small chance with you.

Okay, we're not doing that today or ever.

Okay.

Okay, give me another example. So where do you find your situations that keep you stuck and, like, you're like, ah, I don't know what to do.

Give me, like, a certain situation, like, at the gym or at the grocery store or at church. Like, where.

Okay, give me another example. So where do you find your situations that keep you stuck and, like, you're like, do you find yourself? And you're like, ah, I don't know what to do. Ah, I don't know what to do.

Give me, like, a certain situation, like at the gym or at the grocery store or at church, like, where do you find yourself? And you're like, ah, I don't know what to do in this situation.

Okay, grocery store. Grocery store. Okay, what do these guys say at a grocery store? And then we can. I can give you potential, and then we can see responses. Okay, so if Mo Money. Great, Great example. So if you're walking down the street or you're at a grocery store and someone says, smile, you look so mean. What's your response? What's your response? When he says, smile, you look so mean.

Someone said, no response. Someone said, I am.

Someone said, you first. Okay, that's good. When you say I am, that's a C minus response. Let's just assume that this guy is harmless. Okay?

Someone said, I am mean. Okay, well, girl, that's a D response.

Girl, we're getting into responses here. Why do you care? Do you see, do you see how a lot of the responses, girl, were playing defense?

You're here.

You know most people who. Most guys that say that, it is because they're actually interested in you and they want to know if you are a safe space for them to actually talk to and engage with. And you may not want to be messed with. And I want to offer that. But, girl, if you play defense doesn't win games in love, it wins games in basketball. Okay, Someone said.

Someone said, oh, you'd notice. Yeah. Okay. Manny said, depends. Okay, so that. That's engaged him. I'm giving that a B. What other responses? Bria said, do something to make me smile. So the intention of that is great. Right. But we don't tell men what to do. That's a big turn off. That's a big D downer. So I'm giving it a B minus the way that we can engage that and said, how are you going to make me smile?

Now he has to figure out what he can do to perform to prove that he's worthy of being smiled too. Do you see how that works?

Yeah.

No. Someone said, give him a flirty smile. No, don't give him a smile. He hasn't earned a smile yet. Make him work for this smile. Someone said, you haven't said anything funny again. Do you see how defensive that is? Instead we get to say, well, why don't you tell me your best joke and then I'll see if I'll smile or not. Now he has to come up with amazing joke.

And then you can add something and say, like, don't mess it up.

Right. Do you see that the energy is different and more playful.

Angie said, damn, we're hurt out here. You see? Do you see the responses that most of you all are giving these men? So when you hear men and they say, oh, I don't. I don't want to approach women anymore, it's because when they do, they get that response.

And they get it from 90% of you.

Yeah, we're all. Many of you all are hurt and terrified. And I want to honor that.

Someone said, wow, damn. The communication may be our. It's not. This isn't about putting fault on anyone. This is about understanding where different people are coming from, why men might not be approaching you as much in general from A cultural perspective, but also where you're at. Right. When people on this chat are saying, I'm terrified, I'm tired, I'm honoring that. I get it. But I also want us to understand that we get to have fun, we get to engage. Right?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay.

Someone said, maybe someone can turn it around. Perfect. Again, we've challenged him. Now he's got to come up with something. Let these men work for you. Let them work. Men love to work. Men at work, that's what they love. Make sure that they're doing it.

Okay.

Okay. So I'm hoping that this is helping you think about this a little bit differently. Yeah.

Okay, let me give. Someone said, Manny, Manny had a good question. What is the question? Because we have about 1400 people in here and I can't find it. So can you put it back in here?

Because I'm trying to look for it. Hey, Yolanda girl. Okay, wait. Okay. Manny said, what about, you're so beautiful, there's no way you're single? Okay, great, great. So, ladies, talk to me. When someone says, you're so beautiful, there's no way that you're single. What's the response?

And thank you all so much for the 57, 000 likes. Someone said, that's a hard one.

Someone said, want to find out?

Someone said, that stumps me every time. I don't know how to respond.

Someone said, I am. Again, respectfully speaking, that's a C response. Someone said, men. Okay, that's a D minus response.

Right. Again. When a guy comes up to you and said, oh my God, you're so beautiful, I think the, the statement was, I can't believe you're single.

Yeah. Someone said, I know, right?

I'm shocked too. Is a good one. Yes, it's, it's a fun one, but it also gives like a little bit of deflection and maybe I'm not self aware. Right. So I'll give that a B minus, C plus.

Bling started it off, but I'm going to finish it. Bling stalker said, the right one hasn't found me yet. Follow up, you get to say, are you the right one? Are you going to change that for me? Now he has to think, well, maybe I can, maybe I can't. How can I do it?

Right.

Yeah. Someone said, well, change it again. Stop telling men what to do. We've got to work on the communication.

Don't give directives like that.

I am. How are you going to change that for me? See, now he has to do stuff for me.

Right. When we talk about stressing men out, this is part of it. The stress comes with him having to solve the problem, which is, how do I answer this amazing woman who's beautiful, how can I prove myself to actually let her think that I can change it for her?

Right?

Yeah.

So is that helpful?

Someone said I'm selective, but you can't end it there. You did the conversation. You gotta now you gotta give something, something back. I'm as selective as Harvard. Are you applying? And then he, and then, then he can say yes. And then you get to ask him about his credentials. Well, let me see the application. What you got?

Right.

Here's what I want you all to know. Because, honey, the other dating coaches on here, they can't do this. They can't do this. Why? Because I do it all day, every day. But secondly, there is something to be said and this is something that you won't get on the Internets.

You're going to have to heal your internal so that you can feel safe enough to be light and to be playful and to not be defensive.

And that's part of the work of the program. So that you have this levity, so you have this lightness and this flow and you can be in your feminine and know that you're the most powerful being out here.

So if you want to do that deeper work so that it could come naturally from you.

Book the call, get into the programs, because that's what we're doing.

It's very important. This work is deeper than putting on red lipstick and a red dress and cosplaying femininity.

Okay. I think it is very important for you all to understand this.

Very important.

Yeah.

Nicole said, see you this fall.

I'll see you then. Yeah. If you ready for the program, great. If you're not ready for a variety of different reasons or needs, that's fine too. Right? I have an amazing podcast called the get your guy coaching podcast where we talk down about all this stuff.

Okay.

Exactly. Someone said, see these men as high school boys. Keep it interesting. I always say, you know that nappy headed nephew that you have no shade.

I don't let any of my nephews get away with nothing. And you shouldn't let these boys get away with anything either.

Beautiful said. This is your niche market, Elmore. Help us, girl. I'm helping, girl. This what I just gave you right now. People pay good money for this. And like I said before, most of these dating coaches on here can't do this. They don't know how to do It. They don't live it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay.

It's. Someone said it's a mindset shift. It's a mindset shift, but it's an identity shift.

It's an identity shift.

Okay. Very important.

By Keanita said, no. This is priceless advice. Already. You've helped me so much. Respectfully speaking, most of y' all have been given c risk program so that you have this levity, so you have this lightness and this flow, and you can be in your feminine and know that you're the most powerful responses. And we've got to get your grades up.

And I hope in this tutoring session that we've helped you. Now, this weekend, your challenge, your homework. Because in my program, I give homework every week. Your homework is to have three conversations with men for being out here.

So if you want to do that deeper work so that it could come naturally from you.

Book the call, get into the program, and use one of this. These flirting or bantering responses.

Can you do it?

Someone said one more. No, girl, you got to get in my program if you want one more.

Podcast name again. Get your guy coaching. You should do group zoom. I do do group zoom in my program. Someone said they're late to class. Demerit. Demerit. Detention.

What are the details of the podcast? It's on Spotify. It's also on Apple podcasts. It's called get your guy.

Okay?

And this live will be on my YouTube channel, dating coach Anwar, probably on Monday or Sunday night.

Because that's what we're doing.

It's very important.

Someone asked, even if they're ugly or broke. Especially if they're ugly or broke. Here's the thing, y'. All. You want to practice on those guys. If they're old and crusty, practice on them. It's this work is deeper than putting on red lipstick and a red dress and cosplaying femininity.

Okay? I think it is very important for you all to understand this.

All practice so that you're ready for the main event, you're ready for the championship and the finals, so that when a hot guy comes to you, you're already well practiced and you already know what to do and say because you know how to. This is why I can come at you like this, because I do this all day, every day. And I want you to be in the mode where you're doing it all day, every day as well, so that when your guy comes, you don't act like a freshman girl in high school talking to the senior Varsity quarterback.

Yeah. Someone said practice then run away. Practice and then say I gotta go.

Someone said, can I summarize the homework? No.

Someone said, I am a freshman.

I love it.

Some one of our sisters in here said go to a veteran hospital for men with compensation and retired girl. Stop.

Stop, stop, stop.

Lala said, ah, practice on the ones I don't want. Brilliant. Exactly. Why is that important? It's important because this bantering, this flirt, it has very important.

Yeah.

Nicole said, see you this fall.

To come from you. When you only save this for the guys that you think are hot, then you are centering men. And these men are dictating what you do, what you say, how you act, how you behave.

I'll see you then. Yeah. If you ready for the program, great. If you're not ready for a variety of different reasons or needs and it's not coming from you.

All of this has to come from you.

Do you understand? If you're only withholding this for the hottest guy, for the tallest guy, for the most light skinned guy and one, you won't be practiced. But two, you're centering him already and you've already lost.

You already lost.

He already has control over you.

Did I lie Brianna, when I said the most light skinned guy? Cuz some of us still go there.

Someone asked me a question.

Vlog Glam said that was good. Thank you. Michelle said, how old is too old to be in the program?

We have ladies that are in their late 60s in the program and they've gotten their guy by the way they in a relationship by the way. So nothing is too old. Too old is when you're dead. No shade and no shade. I might be able to help you in the afterlife, girl. No shade.

Yes, honey.

Getting your. Getting the angels together, honey.

Yes. Love is for everyone. I want that's fine too, right? I have an amazing podcast called the get your guy coaching podcast where we talk down about all this stuff. Stuff. Honestly, I want to. I want to offer something cuz I think it's really important and I've heard this a couple of times with some of my clients. I keep on saying time is running out. I'm too old.

No.

Time is running out or has run out if you're dead. Okay.

Exactly. Someone said, see these men as high school boys. Keep it interesting. I always say, you know that Nappy, you're not dead yet.

You get to experience your life, your forever love when you're ready.

And I'm saying this because as someone who had to do significant serious work earlier in my life, 20 years ago, I was not ready. And I can say that now. My heart wasn't open. I thought I was better than everybody else. Right. I had this like superiority, inferiority complex that also creates disconnection in your dating and your love life. I had to do the work. I had to do the work to be able to actually relate to other people.

Very important.

You girls not. You're not running out of time.

I do think it's very important for you to make sure that you center yourself in your healing work so that you are ready for the best relationship of your life when your person comes.

Someone said, but you were better, right? No. I used my education and my career status as a defense mechanism to not actually deeply connect with other people.

You had a nephew that you have no shade.

I don't let any of my nephews get away with nothing. And you shouldn't let these boys get away with anything either.

Beautiful said. This is your niche market, Elmar. Help us, girl. I'm helping, girl. This what I just gave you right now. It wasn't better. I was the same. We're all equal in love.

And the quicker that you all understand that, the quicker you will start to actually make deeper connections with other individuals.

Yeah.

Can't. Can't have that mentality in love and dating. If you keep on thinking that men are lame and losers and purrs and one of my clients said it so well.

I finally have humanized men.

Once you're able to do that, then you can find the humanity within yourself.

Which is very important.

Very important.

Can't.

If you think you're better than other people, then at some point in love you're gonna think that other people are better than you.

It's not true.

It's not true.

Yeah.

So people pay good money for this. And like I said before, most of these dating coaches on here, why was I doing this? I was doing this because I was in hyper productive mode and overcompensating because I felt like I had a lot to prove. Can't do this. They don't know how to do it. They don't live in my blackness, in my gayness. And maybe it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay.

For you while it's in your womanhood. But also what I needed to really address were my father wounds. And for many of you, it's actually probably going to be your mother wounds. But what I had to do was realize and actually come to terms with because for many of you who don't know me, my father abandoned me and Actually was very violent and abusive to me and my mother.

And left the house when I was in third grade.

And so a lot of my thoughts and my opinions about men were centered around him.

And I had to heal that. I had to make sure that that little boy that heard his dad and his mother arguing and fighting verbally and physically.

That he felt safe.

Because ultimately what was happening is I would think about all of those times where my mother and I had to pack up our stuff and leave the house in the middle of the night while he was working to get away from him.

And so my foundational knowledge, my emotional connection to men was based in this trauma.

I'm sharing this with you so that you understand that this work is deeper.

This isn't because a lot of us are not familiar with dating coaching work, but we go this deep, and you have to if you're going to really level up.

Okay.

Yeah. Your foundational knowledge bonding pattern from men is going to be based on your experience of the masculine energy.

And for some of us, that masculine energy is very much rooted in our mothers. Some of it, it's. Someone said it's a mindset shift. It's a mindset shift, but it's an identity shift.

It's an identity shift.

Okay. Very important.

That's some of us. It's our fathers.

Either way, we're going to have to deprogram those bonding patterns and create new and different ones.

Which means creating different neural pathways in your brain. And for us black people, somatically, within our bodies, because we hold everything in our bodies. Black people. That's why dancing comes very natural to us, because we've had to dance away our traumas for generation over generations.

So when I'm telling you things like I want you to banter and I want you to flirt like this, it is because we're going to need to. Oops, hold on one second. These objects is used for some protection.

Okay. I mean, they needed to know I was a real person. But what I was saying is somatic work is very important.

Part of this work is rewiring your brain and your body. So part of this, when I'm asking you, and I'm encouraging you to flirt, to banter, is because you're going to need the physical evidence to do that and still know as a black or brown woman that you're by. Keanita said no. This is priceless advice. Already. You've helped me so much. Respectfully speaking, most of y' all have been given C responses, and we've got to get your grades up.

And I hope in this tutoring session feel safe.

And once you establish that you'll be able to do it like this all day, every day. That's what we're doing in this program. And by the way, I get it. When you are navigating micro and macro aggressions all day, every day, your nervous system, system is always going to be on high alert.

Yeah.

So I hope that this is helpful for you as you start to maybe think about dating and heal that we've helped you. Now this weekend, your challenge, your homework is. And trauma and support work in a different way.

Yeah.

Very important. And if you're interested in doing some of this deeper work, definitely go and book a. Book a consultation call and we can see if it's a fit or not. Okay. Good, good, good, good. All right, honey, I need. Mother needs to mother.

Mother needs to mother.

Alrighty.

Alright, loves, be well and I will talk with you soon. Bye. Bye.

My program, I give homework every week. Your homework is to have three conversations with men and use one of these three. These flirting or bantering responses.

Can you do it?

Someone said one more. No, girl, you got to get in my program if you want one more podcast name again. Get your guy coaching. You should do group zoom. I do do group zoom in my program. Someone said they're late to class. Demerit. Demerit. Detention.

What are the details of the podcast? It's on Spotify. It's also on Apple podcasts. It's called get your guy.

Okay.

And this live will be on my YouTube channel, dating coach Anwar. Probably on Monday or Sunday night.

Someone asked even if they're ugly or broke, Especially if they're ugly or broke. Here's the thing, y'. All. You want to practice on those guys. If they're old and crusty, practice on them. It's all practice so that you're ready for the main event, you're ready for the championship and the finals, so that when a hot guy comes to you, you're already well practiced and you already know what to do and say because you know how to. This is why I can come at you like this. Because I do this all day, every day. And I want you to be in the mode where you're.