Dating Q & A 05-07-24

Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. I hope you're doing well.

Hello. Hello. Hello. Welcome, welcome, welcome.

I hope everyone's doing well.

Hello. For those of you that don't know me, my name is anmar white. I am a dating coach for black and brown women. Hey, y'. All. Hey. Hey, doula girl. Hey. Chet spark. Hey, trevima. Hey, ladies. Good to see you. Hi, senetta. Hey, city gal. Hey, paige. Hey. Art. Casey shells. Wyonia, faria, sharia. Darisha. Brianna. Kelly loy. Love mystics divine amber waves. Hey. They love dani. Hey. Theana shaw. Finance girl. Kem norell, zuli rail.

Hello. And Mercer. Hello. Beauty.

Is her name. Hey. Fort Lauda 24 Steelers said I hi. Started following you and I'm white, but you give the greatest advice. Thank you, girl. Thank you. Hello, ladies.

Like I was saying before, my name is Anwar White. They call me Coach Anwar. And I am a dating coach for black and brown women. I. I help women heal their hearts, date high quality men and get into the best relationship of their lives. Actually, just posted on my Facebook group a woman in the DMV area who got her guy and girl, no shade. He's fine.

But anyway, I digress.

So it's possible. It happens literally every week in my program. So.

Anyway, what I do in these actual simply. Lara Said, you're so dope. Thank you. What I do in these lives is I answer your questions about love, dating, relationships and men or women. We're inclusive here.

So that you can level up your love lives. Yeah. So I'll be on here for maybe an hour or so. Little bit longer if we start talking our ish, honey, and we start kikiing. But, you know, I got to get my beauty sleep because I have. I got tennis in the morning, honey. I have tennis lessons, honey. I'm. I'm with all the. All the pensioners, all the retirees, girl. Yeah. So put your questions in the chat. I will answer them in the order that I see them. Navia said, do you coach people currently in a relationship? I have a relationship program for all of my clients. I get into relationships. It's called the get yout Ring program. So if you're interested, definitely book a call with me. The link is in my bio. And highlight that you're interested, that you're already in a relationship and we can talk about if it's a good fit or not. Okay. All right, so let's get this party started.

Make sure that your questions are specific. Don't just say something like, hispanic men.

Don't do that. Girl. Let's be specific.

About our questions here. Okay? And yeah, let's have some fun, too. You know, life's so. Life's so short and all of this dating stuff is getting so heavy. So I try to make things as fun as possible.

Because dating is really actually supposed to be fun. And if you're not having fun, then what. What the hell are you doing at the end of the day? Yeah.

Okay. Dee said. Hey, Emma, what are your thoughts on dating a medical student? I've been a dating coach for 14 years.

I've never seen a relationship go well with a medical student. Maybe if he's in residency, in the later parts of his residency. But med school, he's probably never going to have time for you. And he's focused on graduating that. Because that's going to help him self actualize. So that program will be number one. He will. He's going to be number two, and you might be number three.

Yeah. Marie said med school is a brokey. It's not even about being a brokey. It's about. It's the fact that literally they just won't have time for you ultimately. Yeah. All right, let me scroll up because I know y' all got a ton of questions. And just FYI, honey, I want to do a roll call. Let me know where are you chatting from? Are you in Atlanta, Louisiana. London, South Africa? Toronto? Roll call. Let me know. Black girl, white girl, Hispanic girl, Asian girl. And what you repping, girl? What you repping? What city are you repping, honey? And if you in some little town that nobody knows about, girl. Girl.

Estimated to the nearest big city.

Yeah. All right, I'm seeing some Houston, San Diego, Washington, D.C. atlanta. Some Michigan. Let me see what the girls are saying. Brooklyn, Latina. I know that's right. Ms. Kenya. Go. Queen Bambi said Atlanta. Cleveland. Black girl. Atlanta. Someone said Mexico. I know that's right, girl. Downtown, Fort Lauderdale. All right, girl, y' all get it cracking up in downtown Fort Lauderdale, honey. Black girl. San Fran. Boston, Louisiana. I love it. I love it. Harlem. 125th girl. NYC lady. Stand up. Someone said Filipina. I know that's right. Queens. White girl. I know that's white girl. San Diego, Tampa, Kansas City. All right. Latina, Florida. I got a lot of New York. So I got a lot of Florida, a lot of. A lot of Jersey. White girl. Detroit. All right, girl, be careful.

Mixed girly from Alabama. I know that's right, girl. Columbia. Work with an O.

All right.

I love it. Good, good, good. Thank you. All so much. Y' all really repping out here, honey. And I'm living queen. Nikki said, gag city. I know that's right and wrong at the same time, girl. Yes, honey. All right, good. Thank you all so much.

Ashley said, should I be bold and ask for his map? No, girl, don't ask for, don't ask men for their numbers, girl. That's messy. I'm not coming for you. If he wants to, he will. Meaning, like if he wants to connect, he'll ask for your snap. But like, no, Shade don't do snap. Snap is whack. Like, if he really wants to be with you, hang out with you, you guys need to exchange numbers, okay? So you can chat so that there can be access, that you're gonna have full on real conversations and that it can become a one to one focused conversation. If he's connecting with you on snap, he's connecting with you and a variety of other people.

Don't move to social media to have conversations with men. Have them via text, phone calls and physical dates. So that's always one to one. If not, you're going to be one of many things in his feed and just entertainment and it's going to be harder for him to be intentional. Okay. All right, let me see these other questions. Lisa said, is it a good, Is it good to date outside your usual type? Yes, girl, please do it. Ladies, please understand that like, as someone who gets people into relationships every week, I always ask my clients, is this guy like your type? 95% of the time they say no. They say no. But it's the happiest and the most safe and secure that they've ever felt and been. And I want that for you as well. So success in dating is kind of like dating a lot of different people. And through the process of dating, figuring out not who your type is, but what type of feelings you want to feel while you're in that relationship, you should be your type. And understanding what sort of feelings you have, that's your type. Because your exterior type is not really your type. Unfortunately, your type is who you sleep with.

But your husband probably won't be your type. And that's not me bursting your bubble. It's just based on my experience. Yeah, so for example, my type was.

6, 2 light skin guys who had graduate degrees from Ivy League institutions.

And I am married to a white teacher who is five, eight.

And rounder.

And that's not shade. Love him to death. Love every bit of him. Right? But happiest I've ever been Safest I've ever been. This man has given me the confidence and the security to be and play full out as it. As it pertains to my coaching business. Like, I wouldn't. I. You wouldn't see me if I didn't have my partner. Right. And that's the crazy thing about love and dating and relationships, because many of us are brought up to think.

Boys are just gonna get in the way of your education, because that is the passive or active kind of reinforcement that we get from our parents because they want you in the books, because they know that there aren't going to be a lot of men of color that are. That you can rely on, and you have to rely on yourself. So they want you to get that education.

So in your head, you think, okay, these men are a distraction. Dating and love can be a distraction. And I want to offer with the right person is actually. It's exponential. It levels you up. Yeah.

So your type is not your type. But, you know, wow. While we're waiting, honey.

Get it, get. You know, you can have your type, girl.

So I hope that helps anyone who needed it.

Christine said, hello there, fairy God brother. Love your advice. Thank you. Aisha said, best places in NYC to meet men. Well, what kind of man do you want to meet, honey? Because New York has them all. Absolutely all of them. And I've lived in New York for a couple of years, so I'm quite familiar.

Mackendy. I'm in Montreal too, girl. West island, of course.

Okay.

Aesthetic guy ghosted me mid conversation. What does that mean? Black girl from Dallas. The convo was so good. It doesn't matter what it means. Our job is not to figure out the why. Our job is just to honor the what. And the what is he disappeared, girl. See no evil, talk to no evil. He's out. It doesn't matter. It could be a variety of things. It doesn't matter. His mama got sick, he got sick. He decided to peace out. He. The reason doesn't matter. And there can be 3,600 reasons. I can give you 10 right now, but it's still not gonna matter. And you make. You bring up a really good point that I want to offer to each and every one of the ladies that are here and thank you all for being here. And if there's anything that I'm saying that's resonating with you, definitely tap the screen. You're saying that the conversation is so good. There are a lot of great conversationalists that are bad boyfriends don't Trip, just because the conversation is good.

There are a lot of people that know how to connect with everyone because they're super charismatic and oftentimes they're toxic and narcissistic doesn't mean that they're great partners or boyfriends.

Yeah. So I want to offer to anyone that is listening that.

Vibes are out.

You hear me? Doesn't matter if I. We were vibing, girl. The Vibe magazine went out of publication in 2016, 2017. We're not doing Vibe anymore. You hear me?

I don't want to hear a conversation with so good.

Girl. You can go to better help and have a great conversation.

Yeah.

Elyn said I haven't heard from him in two days, but we spoke on the phone on Sunday. We have a date on Saturday.

He needs to be reaching out to you within 48 hours. So. Girl, I think if he doesn't reach out tonight, girl. Or tomorrow.

Off with his head queen. Off with his head.

Air head DC or head C. Said, I'm going to law school. I'm worried I will find trouble dating after school because of my law success. Girl, date while you're in law school. No, shade. Don't date the law school boys. Go and date the business school boys. They're more fun.

And they won't fight you every step of the way. Yeah.

Go to all of those. Those like cross departmental get togethers. Get yourself a nice fun grad. Engineering student or business school student. Yeah. Or even public policy.

Yeah. International relations student. Yeah. Get with them. Girl. You focusing on post. I'm telling you.

Because this is what a lot of the white girls are doing. Girl, they're securing the ring at school. You're thinking afterward. No, no, girl, wrongo. Dongo. When I went to an Ivy League institution at and got my MBA and half of those white girls, if they weren't married, Girl, they were on the prowl. They were on the prowl and some of them got their guy. They said MBA plus Mrs. They wanted both degrees. Yeah.

Why not you?

Why not you?

Yeah. Why? Because this is one of going to be the few times where you are surrounded by people that are at your level.

You want to maximize that time.

Okay.

Marina said I'm new to my church. Tips for dating a Christian man who grew up in the church.

Well, first you have to figure out if he is a man that knows the world. A lot of these Christian men are actually very sheltered and don't know how to navigate the world, you know? So you want to understand what. What does he know about the World. How does he navigate it? Is he in his own sheltered existence or is he interacting with, you know, different kinds of people and how does he kind of interact with. With those people?

So you want to see him outside of the church.

Outside of the community, how he navigates on, how he manages dates. Right. How he manages conflict, not just with you, but like, in general, in life. Right. Because sometimes, and this is no shade, sometimes you have to get out of your Christian ways to get things done.

And life. And that's not just the sinner in me talking. That is life is hard. So how does he manage that? Because some. If he wants to lead this partnership, he's gonna need to be able to do that.

My perspective, I just don't want him getting eaten up and then you getting eaten up because. Because he didn't know how to protect you. All right. Adina says, I want to find a man in the gym, but as a woman, I'm not supposed to make the first move.

You can. There's a variety of different things that you can do when you're out and about. Right.

First of all.

This first move concept.

You don't want to make the first move, but please understand, ladies, that you can start a conversation. You can say hi. You can give them a compliment. In the gym. If I were in the gym, girl, you see these little nothings? Girl, see that nothing? Girl. Girl, I need help putting the weights on. Girl, I need help under getting my technique together. This is what I would be asking the boys, the boys that I want to really talk to. Yeah. And if they give you the time, then they're probably interested in you. Because most people at the gym, they about their business and in and out. Right. Most guys will help you. Yeah. So this is how I would start a conversation with the guy and see how he drives it, see how he moves forward with it. Yeah.

Chuchu said, is 21 too young to date? Seriously?

I'm not going to say it's too young to date. Seriously.

I think that you shouldn't be serious about dating, but if you are dating and it does get serious, get your life, girl. At that age, I want you to get that degree, and I want you to think of dating as a first job.

That, like, you probably won't be at your first job for more than two to three years. And this whatever relationship that you're gonna have between the ages of 21 and 24, 25.

I. I would risk nine out of my 10 lives that you will not be with that person after the age of 25.

Yeah.

Hannah said, what do you think about age gap relationships? Women in her 20s dating 45 plus year old men. I think that.

Those don't really work.

And that men that are more than 10 years older than you, especially if you're in your 20s, they're grooming you and they're using you, they're using your beauty, they're using probably your body and they are controlling you through their wisdom, through their finances. Some of the girls, and I was that girl too. I was in my Trina moment when I was in school on scholarship trying to get money from men. So I'm not saying this because I think I'm better than anybody else. I'm saying this because.

Men that are secure in themselves date women that are in the same age bracket.

And when they are dating you, it means that they cannot handle women that are. That have the wisdom that they have. And that is something that should put you on pause.

Yeah, it's a grooming sitch, girl. Yeah. And that this is girl writing's on the wall. Financial control, mental manipulation potentially. And the gag is you think you're controlling this old dude. You think, oh my God. Because he's much older, I have full control over him because I'm super hot and beautiful and he'll do whatever I say.

That slowly turns.

And we might not see it now, but it slowly turns.

So something to be aware of.

Hope this is helpful.

Okay. Oh.

Oh. Just FYI, I don't think I even mentioned any of this. If you want to learn more about what I do, definitely go to the link in my bio. There is a link to book a consultation call if you want to work with me professionally. There's a link for my podcast. I think there should be a link for my YouTube channel that is growing. So please subscribe. And I think that there is a link for my free trainings. Yeah.

So check that out. Vacaexpert said. Anwar, because of you, I'm going to a conference abroad. Curated spaces. Yes, girl, here's the thing, girl. When you're in the conference, you better talk to those mofos. And the thing that's going to separate you from everyone else in the conferences is don't say anything, anything about anything professional. Talk only about personal stuff. Talk about reality TV that you like. Talk about X, Y and Z because everyone's going to be talking shop and that shit gets really boring after 10 minutes.

And everyone's nervous and everyone's feeling awkward at these conferences and these quote unquote networking events. Don't do that. The way that you, like, separate yourself in those environments is like being the complete opposite. Oh, my God. Did you see that shell? Okay, let me tell you all about it. Da, da, da, da, da.

You're welcome. Name your firstborn after me, girl. And if it's a girl, Anwara.

Okay. Desh said, talking to a kind and sweet guy, but no big chemistry. Should I cut it off or can I build? It can build over time, but you are. Give it a couple of weeks and see if it increases. If it doesn't after a couple of weeks, got to let it go. Yeah.

Bro. I said, my issue is I'm not good with small talk bs, but I am great with deep, heavy conversations. The thing is that you're going to have to.

No one's going to dive in the deep end of the pool with you.

They have to dip their toe in the water first. So one of the ways that I think that you should do this is not about having small talk. A lot of the questions that you might ask are.

Generally like yes or no questions or questions that start with what.

And a simple way to make small talk into medium talk is instead of asking what questions, ask why and how questions.

Instead of what do you do for a living? The question is, why did you decide to do that for a living instead of.

You know, where did you grow up? It's, well, how did you grow up? Right. Talk to me about what that looked like for you. Was it, you know, were you a kid that played outside a lot or were you inside playing video games all day?

Yeah.

I go through much more detail of this in my program. By the way.

Brittany Abroad said, is the, is America's Cup a good event to me, guys? Yes, yes, yes.

Bambi said, is it a red flag for a guy to be on a dating app saying he wants to meet new people? Well, the question is, you're going to have to ask for clarity in terms of what that means. Does that mean for a relationship or does that mean just to get it in? Yeah. Gloria Sita said, my partner asked me to dress down for our dinner date and told me that he was going to buy me sweats for my birthday. All I had on was a leopard print pencil skirt and a black top.

So what's the question, girl?

Gabby said, hi, Emma. Love, love your content. Thank you.

Looks, look it. Snad said, is it a red flag for a guy to be a little obsessed with you when you haven't met in person? I don't, I don't talk in Flags. I talk in feelings. So the question for you is, how does that make you feel? A lot of people who get obsessed really quickly, you have to question their decision making process because what's happening is that they're making a conclusion about you and they don't even have 95% of the data. So is that someone that you want to partner with to make decisions with? If they're making decisions based on only having 5% of the information that they need, that's the question that you need to ask yourself. Ultimately.

Right.

When someone is obsessed with you, what they have done is that they have painted their own narrative for that 95%.

And that could be anything. He's obsessed with the 95% that he's painted. He's not obsessed with you. He can't be. He doesn't know you.

And therein lies the issue.

Bunny said, what if he's very successful but. But short and insecure, Also not sexually attractive. Give it a chance. Well, I don't think we should give insecure men a chance. Yeah.

Because they will gain their security by making you insecure.

Successful. Great. Short, awesome. Short kings are pack and girl. If you want to get in and get with a short king. Right. If you're not sexually attracted to him, that's another thing. What I generally say is if you're dating someone, you're going to need to judge the physical attraction on a scale from 0 to 10. If it's a 5 or more, engage. If not, let it go. And out of five, you want to make sure that in the first two to three weeks that that score is increasing. If it's not, you need to let it go.

Kevin said, you're always so smart. I love your content. Thank you so much.

Dark Fairy said, how do you turn dinner into coffee? By saying, you know what, I would love to go to dinner with you, but first I would feel most comfortable just having a coffee and just getting to know you a little bit deeper and going from there. Yeah. Well, Ginger said, you dropping gems tonight. Fairy Godbrother. Thank you, girl. I try my best. Dr. Jasmine said, do you believe some men tend to have an out of sight, out of mind mentality?

I'm thinking about this because it's interesting. In my experience, men actually bond more to women when they're away and women tend to bond more with men when they are with the men face to face. Yeah. So.

I say all of that to say there are still people that are very, just very much like they in the here and now, very present. So it's kind of the reason why I was hesitating on that answer is because.

Unfortunately I have to answer a question with it. Depends. Lame. I know.

Maddie said, this guy I like tells me a lot without me prying. Is it a good sign or is it friend zoning? No, it just means that he's open girl.

A friend zone would mean that he's not asking you out, that he's asking to hang out, but not actually courting you. Right. Sometimes we might not know what to do with men that are open and secure and expressing themselves because most men aren't like that.

So I'm not here to say if it's a good sign or not. What I am here to say is continue to engage and see how it develops, but continue to have a confident energy about the interaction.

Singing therapists I'm having a hard time meeting professional, career driven or stable careers. Any tips?

Well.

Here'S what I want to offer to you all. I think a lot of people, I think it's important to realize that.

10, 15% of the population of men are making six figures or more. Let's just say 15. If you're looking for black men specifically, that number goes closer to 2%.

So one of the things that might be able to help you is by opening up your, widening your net.

That's. That's one way. But it is harder to meet professionals that are stable, that are well to do because if you look at the economy, there just aren't as many as one might think.

And many of those men that are well to do are already in a relationship or engaged or married. So in terms of tips.

Go to conferences, go to networking events, go to bars and lounges that are in professional areas.

Right. In financial districts. Also Rotary clubs, if you're in smaller towns or areas or counties. Right. So like some of the cities in the Midwest might not have a financial district, but they do have a Rotary club. You want to go there, you'll want to go to a golf course.

And now pickleball is getting big. So I know it's skewing a little bit older these days, but it's actually becoming younger and younger. So I actually think in like two to three years that'll also be another place to go.

Let me see what else y' all are talking about.

Kalia said, how do we stress him out in a non toxic way? So if you see videos of me saying stress that mofo out, you better believe that I mean it. And the way that I think about stressing men out, it's not about being a bitch. Girl, anybody can do that. That's easy. I know that there's a book called why Men Love Bitches. I'm trying to find it in my book category.

I can't find it now, but it's there. Don't be a bitch. Just like you don't like assholes, men don't like bitches. When I say stress men out, I'm talking about be vulnerable with them. Men are not used to holding space and exchanging emotions. That's stressful for them. Why? So that you can evaluate whether he's emotionally available or not. When I say stress him out, I mean set boundaries with him. It is stressful to understand where the line is and where the line is not. So when you continue to set boundaries with him, that will create stress. And the stressful part is making sure that he stays within your boundaries.

Yeah. When I say stress him out, I mean give him problems to solve. Providers provide solutions and solve problems. And you want to see if he's a provider. So you want to. When he says he wants to do something for you, you let him do it.

So that he can solve that problem for you. That will actually help to increase his testosterone and also will with that increased testosterone, he'll more likely fall in love with you. And I don't mean that in a manipulative way. I just mean that, like, so many ladies out there are like the. I got it. Girls. Girl, you're doing yourself a disservice. Let all these men have it, girl. Oh, you have no arms, you have no legs. Girl, you're just a stump. No shade. Let him take your groceries in. Let him change that light bulb. Let him take a look at. Under that. Under that. What do they call it, girl? That hood of the. Of the car.

As you can tell, girl, I haven't worked on a car a day of my life. Girl. Couldn't even say the hood. Let somebody else do it.

You hear me?

That. That's good stress. Because he wants men that are in their true masculine energy want to do those things for you.

Yeah. Hope that's helpful. Okay.

Okay, let me see what my IG girls are talking about.

Passion. Natalie said conversing for a week and then pops up three days later. I didn't answer. I don't like feeling that available. Am I wrong? No, not necessarily. But here's the thing. If he hasn't asked you out on a date within a week, he should be out. Girl, that's my dating boundary. Just call me. Kiki said how come every man I try to talk to ends up annoying me and I don't want to talk to them? Is it something I need to work on, or is it part of dating until you meet the right person? Well, I always tell my clients that I think it's really important. I know that they're ready to be in a relationship when whatever these guys are doing doesn't affect them. The fact that you're calling these guys annoying lets me know that they're triggering parts of you. And that's what we need to focus on. And not necessarily, like, what these guys are doing or saying.

Like, these guys can do and say anything that they want to do. It is only when it affects you that we have to start to explore. So that's what I would offer to you.

Besoye said, men who talk about sex before the first date, should. Should we just throw them away? Yes, ma'. Am.

Inappropriate. They wouldn't do that with their mother. Why should they do that with you? They're testing you. When a guy is talking about sex early on, they want to know where your boundary is. And if you allow them to talk about sex, you will only be used for sex.

Navia said, coach, I don't know if you already answered this, because I got a call, but how do you feel about a man asking you about body count while just starting to get to know them?

Trash. When I say trash, I mean throw them away.

Inappropriate.

None of his business, and it doesn't matter. A lot of guys will ask this because they're really insecure. Only insecure men ask this because the research says that if someone, man or woman, has a higher body count, they have a higher probability of leaving, a higher probability of cheating, a higher probability of divorce. And when a woman. When you have a higher body count, it means that you are more valuable in the mating market. And it means that he can't feel like you are fully his when he is with you because you can go with anybody at any time. So that's why I say only insecure men will ask that question. It is not a purity test. It's not a purity test. These men have sex with anybody and everybody. Boys, girls, corpses, girl. Apparently, lizards.

Like.

Be for real.

Okay.

Finesse said, I'm 35. He's 28. Golden retriever. We love that y' all get with the younger man, please. Three to six years younger than you.

It's a. It's a. It's a pattern that has been working, honey. It's been working. It's been Working. Except what do you think about Nashville, girl? Suburbs of Nashville. If you're a woman of color, a black woman, don't go anywhere downtown, girl. It's like a white sorority and that scares me.

Britney said, I gave an awkward smile at the gym tonight instead of a flirty smile. How do I do this over? Girl, you can't do it over no shade, girl. This isn't quantum Leap, girl. You can't go back in time. What you can do though, is work on your mindset. Cuz right now you are pedestalizing these men. That's why it's awkward. So you need to think about. One of the things that I help my clients do to help them date offline is to help them get into their main character energy, right? And so you have to think about places that like, you absolutely feel super secure in. So for example, like, I feel really secure in these lives. So I would put my mind.

Where, like, if I'm in an environment where I want to talk to guys, I'm just going to think this is my life. Another thing that is really helpful for a lot of my clients. I'm giving you a little bit of tea tonight, honey, because I'm feeling very generous. I had a really great day today.

Pretend like whatever place you're in is your home and you are hosting a party. As the host of a party, you would never not talk to anyone. You would never give an awkward smile. You'd be talking to everybody. You'd be saying, oh my God, how are you? Thank you so much for coming. How are you doing? Do you need anything? That energy. Get some every time.

So you're the host of the party. Try your smile again, girl.

Turd said, Amar just saw your new video. Why do they come back to ruin us? You're talking about guys that spin the block. Because when guys, if they break up with you, first of all, if you break up with them, they're going to feel out of control and they're going to want to come back to break up with you so that they can feel like a man. Now, if they break up with you, they probably have broken up with you because you've had some sort of conflict. And men don't know how to manage. Most men don't know how to manage conflict, so they run or they break up instead of actually sitting in it and like working through it. And so it's very much like a breakup of passion because they don't know what else to do. So they will come back because oftentimes they don't really mean it. Now. If you break up with them and they see that you're doing better without them, then it makes them feel really shitty. So what they do is that they want to come back, come with you, so they can literally take your glow, take your shine to make themselves feel better. Men have huge egos. And you all know this. Like, I'm not telling you anything that you don't already know. That's why you should never take back a guy that you've broken up with or that he's broken up with you, because your future husband would never do that.

I know that it's really cute and it's like, you know, conditioning to have this, like, love affair, roller coaster situation.

The thing about roller coasters is that, yeah, they go up and down, but they always come back to the same place. There's never movement forward, there's never progress. I'd much rather be on a Greyhound bus than be on a roller coaster girl. Because at least you get to a destination.

And if there's anything that I would want to express, it is that that oftentimes the no drama, the no stress.

Can often feel boring for you. But you want boring because there are going to be other parts of your life that are going to be stressful and the boring will help to balance it out because boring is often safe.

Shelby, thank you so much for the fire. The two fires.

Three fires.

Someone said. User 391. What about a 6 year old dating a 30 year old? That's not dating. That's parenting. There's a difference.

Renaissance Queen. Hi, ladies. How long has he been on Live Girl? Who knows? Maybe 40, 50 minutes.

Okay, Queen said, what would you consider too fast to fall in love with someone? It's really hard to determine. Men and women fall in love differently. And so I tell my relationship clients that to say I love you generally happens within four to nine months within the actual relationship. Yeah, but there are some girls. No shit. And I was this girl at one time who was falling in love on the first dates. And that's because the oxytocin that you have will make you feel like you're falling in love. And you haven't even gone on two dates with a guy. Men are not even considering a relationship with you until after a sixth date. That's important information to know.

Tati said, do you believe doctors cheat? Well, I guess the question that I ask of you is what do you consider cheating? Because there are a couple of things that it's very difficult to be with a doctor Their schedules, especially if they're in the beginning parts of their career are horrible. And you will feel like you are single again when you're with a doctor. You'll feel like one of his patients, girl. And he'll bring you in, bring you out, girl. No shade.

So you can feel cheated when you're with a doctor. But I don't necessarily think that doctors specifically cheat.

P Said, should I give a guy a chance if he is heavier than me weight wise? It depends on what that, how he holds that heavy. And is, is that heavy healthy or not healthy? There's like some stocky football guys and then there's my 600 pound life. Right? So what's that to you girl? Depends on the, the.

Someone asked how soon is too soon for a guy to bring up marriage? I mean I think the thing about engagement proposals, marriage is that I think a lot of people might think that, oh my God, he's just going to pop the question one day.

This is actually a like a six to eight part conversation that can happen, right? And so it can come up before exclusivity, it can come up early when you're in a relationship at the six month, the one year mark, so forth and so on. So I don't know if there's, if it's too soon because there are different depths that one can talk about as it pertains to marriage, right? You can talk about what you're looking for, what a great marriage looks like to you, right? That you're open to it, that you're looking for, that you want it. If you start going into details about how you and I are going to get married and we're on day two, that's giving me love Bomber tea. You don't want that. Bria, thank you so much for the Ten Roses. Life sucks. Thank you so much for the rose.

Z Mamacita Said six months, but he's not getting serious. If you are talking to a guy for more than three months and you're not in an exclusive relationship with him, committed relationship, he's not serious. And I want to let you know that he, he's got to go. Go.

Harlem Said is dating a doctor bad or good? I think that a lot of surgeons and some doctors have a God complex. And so that's something that you're going to have to check on.

When you're with him, number one. Number two, and so weird. But for some reason doctors make the worst lays. And, and I'm not talking about potato chips, girl. I'm talking about Throwing that D where it needs to be thrown, honey. In the end zone, girl. And it's weird because they studied the body for years upon years and they still don't know how to put it on. I don't know. Let me know what your experiences have been, honey.

Gotta cross my legs for that one.

I'm trying to figure out what are y' all talking about, honey.

Sarah said, can a narcissistic bi man stay faithful to a woman? A bi man can. A narcissistic man cannot now, if he's narcissistic and bi, girl. No, it's not going to work. But not because he's bi, but because he's narcissistic.

Juliana, thank you so much for the rose and the heart. Me.

Love last said. How to know if a Jamaican man is really into you? Jamaican men are. Are into women. Very much into women. That's not the question. They could be into you and still treat you horribly and lie to your face and cheat on you, but they're still into you. That's the mess.

Yeah.

Shelby, thank you so, so much for the rose. Dominique, thank you for the rose. The Two roses. K, baby. Thank you so much for the four tick tocks. Appreciate it.

Ruby, thank you so much for the five fires.

Let's see what y' all are talking about up in here. Hunty.

Glenna said, I love your lives. It's super informational. Thank you. You're so welcome. I want you all to win at the end of the day. And I try to make my free stuff better than anyone's paid stuff. So if you're interested in actually working with me in my program, please understand.

Multiply this times 100, girl. That's why my clients are getting their guys. Yeah. I will tell you, though, and I want to be transparent and honest with you, that before, my clients would get their guy in about six months or so. Because of the nature of dating, most of my clients are getting their guys around months. 9 and months 12. 12. So it's taking longer because that's kind of just the culture of dating right now.

DJ said, can you turn a situationship into a relationship?

It's very rare. I would. I'm never an absolute person. Right, Right.

Most of the time. When I say most of the time, I'm saying, like, 98% of the time. No, you cannot. There is no incentive for a man to want to get into a relationship with someone that he's in a situationship with.

Because it means it's more responsibility for nothing in return for him. If you're giving him everything that he wants without him having to be emotionally responsible for you.

Why would he take that deal? It's like you saying, I'm at my job right now, but I'm going to take on another job with the same pay.

No person would do that.

And this is why you do not want to be in a situationship. That's why I'm saying three months in or out.

Yeah. And if he can't be in, you gotta be out.

A lot of us are comfortable with situationships because many of us have had situationships with our parents and that's the situationship you have to heal. That's the situationship that you want to probably make into a relationship or create. No, like have no connection with.

Yeah, situationships are boundary violations. And it lets me know every time I see that, every time I hear situationship or off and on, I know that there's boundary work to be done.

And if you need help with that, definitely book a call with me. Would love to help you with that, honey. I'm a boundary bitch and I love it. Bitching, the most powerful meaning of the word. I'll give everybody a boundary, honey. And I grow.

Honey. No shade girl for the white girls in here. But I'd be giving the white girls boundaries galore, honey.

And I let them know that they trigger me and I let them know that they hurt my feelings. And I let them know that I am, you know, they make I'm feeling uncomfortable with them and what they've said. Give them all of that bound grow boundaries.

If you're a white woman in here, you know, I, I'm you, you down, you and the family girl. So when I say this, don't think I'm coming for you. But I say that because you've got to get on that level. If you can't boundary well, you will not date well even when you're in a girl. I've been with my man for 12, 13, 14 years. He knows, he knows the time, girl. You know, when it's so many years, girl, you forget it, girl.

He got to set boundaries with me. I got to set boundaries with him almost on the weekly girl. And it's not like this confrontational thing. It's. No, actually, I would prefer this. Not this.

AR said. Do you think women should make the first move on dating apps? I think that if you are matched with someone and.

You don't think that they will, they will reach out to you because you'll get a sense of this when you're like apping a lot. Reach out to them.

You have nothing to lose.

You know, you. You never want to feel like you missed an opportunity.

Queen, above all, Amor, how did you know your partner was the person? No Shaker. I don't know if he is, girl. He's still in evaluation mode. Girl, I gotta still figure out. Every day I'm trying to figure out if he's my person or not. No, I'm kidding.

Safety.

Security.

Full acceptance.

He.

You guys are not gonna make me do this. You know, I'm a thug.

He made me want to be better.

A better man, a better person, a better, better son, a better brother, a better father.

I just. I wanted to be.

I don't know how else to say it. And I think that is actually, like when you. When you're with a guy and he's doing things and he's moving forward and he's more inspired and he's stepping outside of the version of himself that he was to be with you.

That'S how you should know that he knows that you're the one.

Right?

If before he was with you, he was doing X and now he's doing X, Y and Z.

Know that that is something.

Yeah. Good. Y' all not gonna get me, honey. Not tonight. Not tonight. Honey, you tried. You tried, honey, you tried it. Honey.

You tried it. Honest. We're supposed to be kikiing here. Honey. We're not supposed to be doing this.

We're not on Oprah, girl. We're on Jerry Springer.

Yes, Ash. I said, girl. Keep it together. Girl. I was trying, girl. I was trying. Girl. I was trying.

Oh, my gosh.

Oh, my gosh.

Thank you all for that support.

Bf, thank you so much for the Seven Roses.

PR by Natika Said. Love your vulnerability and transparency with us. Honey. I can't be preaching something that I am not.

Right. I try to be as vulnerable and transparent as possible.

Stefan Reno, thank you so much for the rose. Be for real. Thank you so much for the Four Roses.

Fancy said, thugs shed tears too. Yeah, girl, when the thugs shed tears when we go into the pen, girl.

That's penitentiary. For the good girls, the Christian girls.

Thank you all for all of your loving words and support.

Yeah. A king to said. What about women? Is it different standards for dating women? What do you mean different standards?

Queen above all said. Thank you for sharing. Of course. Of course.

Fana Said. Have you seen the black wife effect trend on Tik Tok? I have.

Chris has said had to blink them back. Yeah, girl. Did my. Did my Eyeliner. Run, girl. No raccoon eyes, girl.

Purple back said. This is why I follow your words. You speak from experience. Thank you. I appreciate that. See? Grizzle said, that's a whole ass video. Anwar, this. This is the moment.

Thank you.

Lola said. Yes. It's a Kiki now with a side of tears. I know, girl. Messy. Nia said. Can I ask a dating question? Please do, girl. Please do, honey. Thank you so much for the heart me.

Benny said. Guy I'm seeing said he's self conscious because he's always texting first thoughts. I like confidence.

I literally just had to talk to a client about this. That, like, ultimately, like.

Your future guy is never going to complain. Complain about this, and he will be secure in his ability to reach out to you and to initiate communication. I guess my question for you, bunny, is what are you doing when he does that? And how have you reciprocated in the courtship?

That's my question.

Let me see what the IG girls are saying.

What if a man is feeling like you could be his person after a few weeks? Can't be.

Chef Sassy. Why do you think lesbian relationships tend to move so quickly? Because women attach differently, connect differently. Hormones are different. Your oxytocin will make you bond with people. So you got oxytocin. Oxytocin, y'. All. It's exponential. That's why, girl. The second date is at a U haul rental place, girl. Y' all moving in together? Yeah, no shade.

Someone said give your top dating site right now. I would say probably bumble and then hinge.

But the thing about it, girl, no shade. Ladies, y' all gonna have to if you're black for your race, put white or Asian or no race in hinge and you'll get great, great matches. That's the shade. That's what I've been telling my client.

Thank you, ig ladies.

Thank you for the love and support.

Sweetie. ZZ said, now we love a good over moment, girl.

Now we got to get back to Ricky Lake, honey.

Some Jenny Jones Montel on Fridays with Sylvia Brown.

That's that tea.

Okay, let's get into this, honey.

Let's see what these questions are all about.

Mia or Maya said kiss on the first date. Here's what I will say that not a lot of people are talking about.

Now, when I was single, I was a kissing ho. Like, I didn't even have to be on a date. I'd be at the club and I'd six. I kissed six boys. That was. It was just fun. And a challenge for me. And I needed. I needed them to be in different countries, girl, but that was me. Yeah.

You. This is an individual decision based on your comfort level of intimacy. There are some women that don't even want to kiss until day three or day four. The one thing that I want you to understand is just because he doesn't make a move on you on the first date or even the second date, I don't want you to trip. Because a lot of guys that are very serious are going to be overly respectful of your boundaries and probably won't try a move on you until day three or four. Now, if you do decide to kiss.

And or hug, make sure this happens. This is true. Tea. If you kiss, kiss for less than six seconds.

Okay. If you're hugging, hug for less than 20 seconds. Why do I say this? Because anything more than that, girl, your oxytocin is going to go crazy and you're going to chemically bond with him.

And you don't want to do that yet.

Yeah. So don't French kiss, girl.

For a long time. That is. Girl, you might have to Spanish kiss, girl. Do something a little bit shorter, girl. Okay.

One Cali girl said, I am loving the black wife. Affect trend. Yeah, I think it's fun. What I'm. I have mixed feelings about it. And this is why. One.

What'S happening is that they're just making these white guys or non black guys look like black guys. And two, I just hate the idea that, like.

It feels like these black women are. Have some sort of. Are having or having labor to change these men. And I hope that that's not necessarily the case now. It's going to be different for every couple. But.

I don't. If he. If this is something that this non black guy wants to do, great.

But I. In your relationships, I don't want you to have to do excessive labor. I want it to be easy.

That's why I'm like, okay, this is great, but I just hope you're not putting in work when it comes to this. For the black women, Nina, thank you so much for the rose.

Connie said, oh, I love everything about you. Just showing love. Thank you, girl. I appreciate that.

January says, do men chemically bond with kissing, too?

Men bond through their vasopressin and their testosterone, which means that they have to solve problems that they have. They need a little bit of stress. That's why I say stress these men out.

Yeah. BMW said, amore. Thank you for your wisdom. Anytime, girl. Just try. I just share my tea Girl, I was on the phone today and on a console and she's like, girl, you changing lives. I'm like, girl.

I'm literally just talking in Montreal, Canada. I am a suburban mother of three. Just talking. Girl, if this is helpful, I love that. That's my intention. But. And nobody's guru. I'm not trying to be X, Y and Z. I'm just me. You know.

FYI, if you are interested in doing this work, definitely book a call with me. Yeah. So we can do deeper work.

Gian Said, you got me saying no shade. And my students know it means shade.

I love it.

Okay.

Spiral with me said, dating apps versus matchmaking services.

Girl, if you're a black woman, I would never say go to a matchmaker. I guess the question that I have for you, if that is something that is of interest to you, is have you ever met a black woman that has found their person with a matchmaker?

My money is on. No.

Not so much. Yeah.

Nicole said, does eharmony still exist? Yeah, it does, but I wouldn't suggest it.

I wouldn't do it.

Girl, eharmony is like going into an all white church.

All white Pentecostal church.

Shayla said, when should I say I have a toddler? I don't want to scare them off. No, say it quick and early, girl. No, you want to scare them off because men who are scared off by children don't want to be others. You want to know that sooner than later. Y'. All. Don't be. Don't be afraid to scare men off.

Real men don't get scared by things like this.

Like, I hear this all the time and I'm like, no, girl, you want that? Oh, I don't want to be. I don't want to set a boundary. Cuz he's going to run away. You want that? Oh, I don't want to share my feelings because he's to going to run away. You want that. You want them to run away.

You want them to be on the side of a milk carton because they're a runaway.

Let them.

Someone said, please respond to Bunny because that's a crisis. My close friend told me she's having an affair. Not sure what to say, how to support.

The question for you is, if you were in that situation, how would you want to be supported?

That's how you should support her. And you might lose the relationship if you tell her about herself. Now if that happens to me, you know, I'm going into coach mode. Well, why? What's going on? People that have affairs. They do it more often because they're not happy with themselves in their lives.

And less often about the partner.

Casey Gray, the tax strategist, said, well, this is good. I hope so. Girl. I've been doing this for 14 years.

Yeah, honey, the six second rule. That's right about kissing, honey, it's like the five second rule, but a little bit less disgusting. Disgusting.

Or more disgusting, depending on how you kiss.

Just call me. Kiwi Said, I want to know about women splitting bills. I want to know if that's a wise decision for women. When you say bills, are you talking about living together, being married, and in what capacity?

All right, honey, I think I'm gonna got a bad sound.

Yeah. Thank you all so much for the 72,000 likes.

I hope that this was a helpful session for you. Someone asked where to find good men in Montreal. Girl, not Montreal. No, girl, come to the west island, honey. Downtown or the West Island. Lots of great couples here.

Like I was saying before, I have a new epic. I have a. I have a podcast called the get yout Guy Coaching podcast. Please search it. Thank you, Jan, for this hat and mustache. Search it, subscribe to it, follow it.

If you listen to the podcast, please leave a review. It does help my podcast quite a bit. If you can. If you can, you can't. Not a big deal. I have a new podcast episode coming out tomorrow with one of my clients who got her guy in Atlanta. Mind you, for the girls in ATL that think that it's impossible, it is not with a great strategy. So definitely check that out. Listen to it and other episodes that I have on there as well, because we really do try to put it down and give you the T.

Straight, no chaser, just like I do on these lives. So definitely check that out. Look out for it. Valena said, yeah, new podcast. Yay.

Maricela said, podcast name? It's called get your guy coaching. Or you can just search my name. Anwar. Anwar White.

Someone said, would you mind repeating the name of the podcast get your guy coaching. Just like my website, getyourguy coaching.com yeah.

All right, ladies, I really tried to spill it tonight because I think that y' all deserve this and I want you to level up if you want to really do this. Work more in depth where we're going through your lived experience and helping you level out based on your personality, based on who you are. Definitely book that call. The link is in my bio to book a consultation call and we'll help you get your guy in the next year. Because that's what it's all about, ultimately. I mean, that's why most of. Most of the ladies are on this live. This is why my clients come to me, because they know that we're going to help them get their guy. Yeah.

Tassie said, well, I say this live. All of my lives are put onto my YouTube channel.

Yeah. So. Oh, we have a German here. Jeremy, Chris. Hello. Hello. Mana liebherr vistuana, Frau ish hapfila here.

All right, thank you so much, everyone. Be well. Much love to you all. Bye now.