Dating Q & A 06-02-24

Hello, hello. Hello. Welcome, welcome, welcome. Hello, everyone.

Welcome to my life. Oh, my God, my arm hurts. Yes, honey. I was. I was playing laser tag with the kids, girl, and I was doing too much holding that big old gun, girl. And you know, I'm a little old something. Yeah. Hello, my loves. Welcome, welcome, welcome. I hope everyone is doing well.

So my name is Anwar White. They call me Coach Anwar. I am a dating coach for black and brown women, and I help them date with strategy. I help them, you know, date high quality men to get into the best relationship of their lives. Yeah. Someone said, let me pull up a chair and get cozy. You better get into that bed, girl. Put those covers all the way up here, girl, and listen like that. Or y' all better be actually swiping on some men while you're listening to this, because that's what we're doing up in here. I'm here to get you some men, honey. Or women. I don't care. Happy pride month, honey. Happy pride. If you want to go for the women, girl, do it. Do it, girl. Do it. You hear me? Happy pride. Happy pride. Yeah.

Hello. Crystal from West Palm Beach. I know that's right, girl.

I know that's right. All right, honey. So I'm saying all of this to say this in this live. We are going to be.

You get. You get to ask me some questions. You get to, you know, whether it's about men, love dating, relationships, women, anything in between.

Put it in the chat. I will get to the questions in the order that I see them or read them. Now, if I've already answered that question, girl, I'm not going to answer it again, girl. Yeah, some of the girls get mad at me because they're like, you didn't answer my question, girl. You should have came. Should have came at the beginning when I answered it, girl, don't get mad at me. Get mad at your tardiness. Yeah. All right, so just FYI, if you want to learn a little bit more about what I do, definitely go to the link in my bio. You can book a consultation call with me. If you want to work with me professionally, you can click the link to my bio and get a link for my podcast, which is a top relationship podcast in the world. And I also have a ton of free trainings in my link. Yeah. So check those out. Yeah, that's how you get to know me a little bit better. If you feel like you're not ready for a professional dating coach, girl, listen to my podcast. Keep on coming to these lives. It's no Tino shade. No Pink lemonade. Yeah. Good. All right. Put the questions in the chat, honey, because I'm, I'm gonna spill some tea. And just FYI, Carly said, have you ever worked with a white woman? Girl? Unfortunately, as black people, we have to work with white women. No, but I do have probably about 5% of my ladies are white. Yeah.

So if there's anything that I've said that.

You'Ve resonated with that speaks truth, definitely. Click, click, click, tap, tap, tap the screen like, like, like. Let's put those likes up. Okay. I got almost 500 people in the tick tock and 113 here on, on IG, honey. Yeah. So by the end of this, we'll probably have about 1200, 1300 at one. At one time. Alright, let me see what the girls are talking about. Yeah.

Oh my gosh. Now I can't be on here long, honey, because I got it. I got to sleep. So I might be on here for an hour. But you know, girl, after midnight, girl, he turns into Cinder fella and it can get a little bit messy. So I'm trying to keep it cute and mute tonight, honey. Okay, okay, so let me see what the girls are talking about.

Real, real quick. Quick.

Yes, honey. Thank you everybody for saying hello to me. Yeah, get on that notification tip, honey. Chris said she's ready for that word tonight. Girl, I'm going to try my best. I'm just going to speak my truth. That's all I can do. Yeah. Haji Mark said, should you ask for a second date? Never. And you should actually never ask for a first date. He actually needs to ask you out. Don't ask men out. Don't even try to hint. Some of the girls are like trying to nudge these men. Don't nudge, because if you nudge, you're literally going to be nudging for the rest of your life. And that shit gets annoying really quickly. Yeah. Never ask for a second date. Let him do it. And if he doesn't do it within a week of the first date, you got to cut him off. Why do I say this? I say this because literally, like, I get at least, like this week I got five women into an exclusive relationship and I got an additional two women in the I love you stage of their relationships. And then I had another woman move in with her guy all in one week. I say all this to say I see it every day and I know what it looks like. And it looks like going on one to two dates every week. So if any if he goes a week without asking you out, planning a date or anything like that, he's not it. Now, obviously, if he's sick or there's travel involved, that's one thing. But if none of that is happening and he hasn't asked you out on the second date, you're not a priority. You're an option. The thing, the gag is, and this is so important because men and women are so different when it comes to relationships. Men know pretty quickly and will categorize you pretty quickly. Right. And oftentimes women will grow into a. Like a love. Right. I always say like.

Some. And the reason why I'm saying that is because sometimes we think, oh, my God, well, he's just gonna like me more. No, he's gonna like you kind of exactly where he found you.

Yeah. So if he's already doing this, this is the best that he's going to do.

Okay. Okay.

User 5, 7, 6 said and hi. Am where you are already starting already am I, am I. Let me close this door, girl, because I had to get some fresh air because it was getting hot this summer.

Okay. This is how I. This is how I sit down. I have to get my. Put my dress down, girl.

Yes, honey, yes. Can't let, can't let the men see my. My hoo ha. My who and my ha. I'm a lady, honey, with etiquette. Yes.

I'm just, you know, sometimes we got to teach the girls. Sometimes I see, you know, some of the girls who haven't had etiquette class, girl. Okay, can I just say, why are the girls. Why are we talking about my laugh? Everyone says I have a rich white man's laugh. I'd like to think I have like a white girl's laugh.

Someone asked, what do you think about meeting men at black run clubs? Okay, so here's my thing about black run clubs. First of all, if I'm there, I'm not running.

And I suggest that you get with a guy who doesn't run as well. And I also suggest that you get with a guy. 80% of the guys are going to be running without shirts on. If a guy is running without a shirt. It is. It brings me pause. Why you got your. Your hoo ha's out. Is it really that necessary? Get. If you're at a run club, get with a guy who is running with a shirt on so he's not like literally publicizing his tee. And get with somebody who doesn't feel like he has to run and he can walk with you. I'm gonna be walking at a brisk pace, but I'm going to be walking nonetheless. But also, I like a guy. I like a little chub chub. I don't like. I don't like it. Super fit. Yeah. So that's my tea, girl. What's your tea in these run clubs? What are you going to give?

Because I'm looking at these run clubs, girl, and all these men, they got all their B cups out. I'm like, what's going on? Put those away.

Someone said they love a chub chub, too. I know that's right, honey.

PBN said, I went to a run club Saturday in Charlotte. I was definitely walking. Brisk, brisk walk. Oprah said, teach these N words some modesty.

Yes, honey. Someone said, where's la musica, girl? I don't know. Should I put some music on?

Just like, Must love dogs must have a T shirt on.

Yeah, honey. Yeah. Get into that power walk, girl. You know when those crazy people where the hips are gyrating up and down, up and down like a roller coaster. That's how you're gonna get the boys, girl, with that power walk. Not with the run.

Anyway.

Lordy, lordy, Lordy. Thank you all so much for the 13,000 likes already. I see we are. We're already acting a fool. Yes. Okay.

Let'S see what's going on here.

Circuit five said turn notifications on girls.

TJ said, moving to a brand new city. Best way to meet men. So I would go on meetup.com I would also go to networking events. I would go to intramural, like city sports, like a softball league or something like that.

And also just like do the things that you want to do. Whatever you're doing in your past city, you want to kind of do those things in a current city. I would. I would join a gym. Yeah.

Those would be kind of the places that I would go to. Be in places with a gender, a good gender ratio. The other thing that I would do is I would go to singles events. Not because I'm going to get a man, because the probability that you're going to get a man at a singles event is really low. But the gag is you will find great girlfriends to go out with at the single event, the speed dating events. That's where you're going to get your girlfriend. So every time you go to a speed dating event, get at least one or two numbers from a girl, like a girlfriend. So you have somebody to go out with. And that's how you're going to meet New and different people. Okay, I'm put. I'm putting you guys on game. Girl. This. Girl. Once you have those two to three girlfriends that you can go out with, they. Because those people probably will already have circles. They'll introduce you to their circles. You can go out and meet new guys with girl. Three to six months. Girl. It's going to be like you were there for three years. Clock it. Yeah. Cara said, hi. Am. I love you. The running men around me are all white. But not the white I'm into. I don't care. Girl. Close your eyes. Get into those white men. Running. Girl. Get into the Brads. Get into the Chads. Yeah. Don't get into the Tyler's. That's all I gotta say. Girl. Or the Travis's.

Okay, let me see what you're talking about. Madison said, how soon is too soon to be boyfriend and girlfriend? I would say before a month. Yeah. Someone else said networking. Networking events are good.

Yeah.

Someone said, omg, I had a Tyler. Yeah. I don't. Don't have a Tyler, girl. Nothing good can come of it. Tiff, Lizzy said, are we getting back on apps this summer or. No, Honey, my clients have been getting on the app. Girl. It started picking up in March and April. Girl. So my clients, that's why they're getting into relationships so much right now. It picked up in March and April. So March, April, May. And now they're in ex. Now they're in relationships.

Yeah. Okay.

Will you ever do Collins on this live? Probably not. Because when I'm on those lives, it bores me. And yeah. I'm not here. Like, if, if you want to be like directly coached by me, you can go into one of my programs. Yeah.

And also it's gonna take longer. Right? Right. I have eight hundred and twenty people on Tik Tok and 131 people on IG. If I'm spending five, 10 minutes on one person asking a question, I'm not going to get to as many questions. Which means there's going to be less information that's going to be transferred.

Cara said, my ex and I broke up and he said he didn't want a relationship with me. Now he's back and trying again. Don't. Don't take him back. As someone who gets people into relationships every week, like, let me tell you something. Your future husband. It will never be on and off. It will always be on. Yeah. And guess what, ladies? They will always come back. 70% of breakups happen from women and they will always come back. Always come back. Your job, with your boundaries, is to make sure that you never let them come back. Yeah. Not even friends. Can I be friends with him? No. No. Because the same thing that broke y' all up is the same reason why he's not going to be a great friend for you. And people don't think that. They think, oh, it's going to be less commitment as a friend. No. You should have the same similar requirements for a boyfriend than you have with a friend. Yeah.

Jenny said, too many. I'm tired of the apps. Too many crazies, fakes, time wasters, cheaters. Coach, please. Which ones do you suggest? So now I'm doing app recommendations just for my clients. So. Because the apps are doing something nowadays. Right. And so that is something that I do. Like, that's the first thing I do when ladies come into my program. We understand their age, their race, their skin tone, their size, their location, their career, all of those things to make a determination about which apps they should be on and why. What I will tell you, though, is that you probably want to rotate cities and. Or rotate apps every two months. Yeah. And also change your pictures every month. Right. So that you're always that new girl at school. Okay.

Someone said that's a word. I've definitely been there with a friend. Coming back and not rising to the occasion of being a good friend. Yeah.

Navashant.

Naivash. And I can't even know what your name is. My ex and I broke up. He keeps trying to come back, but my instincts won't let me. I'm scared and want new and healthy. But I miss him so much. You don't miss him. You miss the idea of him. You miss the thought of the future, of what y' all could have had together. You don't miss him. You miss the feelings that you had when you were with him. But what you need to also understand is that you can have those feelings with new people and new experiences, and it's your job to find and seek those things out.

You miss the feeling. You don't miss the man.

Trust. Okay.

Let me see what y' all are talking about.

Kiki said, should I confront a man I found was lying about his relationship status? No, ladies, I want. I want you. I want to express something to you. Everybody wants to have this, like, cheater show moment where you're confronting a man and you caught him as if you were an SVU detective. No, girl.

You know what the T is. Your job is just to leave. Why? One.

If you confront a man you're telling him that he needs to try harder to hide things from you. And when he does that now he's upping his cheating and lying game. You're going to make it harder for you if you stay with him. You're going to make it harder for the next woman when she's with him. You're doing no one a service except for this man when you confront him.

Yeah, a lot of us want to get into, like, confronting because it triggers like. Like, if you grew up in a household where you were seen and not heard, you want to always have your voice heard. Right. And I want to offer to you that, like, the loudest voice you can have is silence.

The loudest voice that you can have is action. The loudest voice that you can have is stepping away.

Okay.

He just said my white boss seemed to like me, and I think I like him, too. I'm nice and smile a lot around him and get shy. Oh, how should I let him. Girl, that power dynamic is not going to serve you. I don't do it. I wouldn't do it.

I wouldn't do it.

Kelly said, should I. Should you ignore the lack of physical attraction? No, don't do it. Here's the thing. If your attraction level doesn't go up.

Within two to three weeks, you got to let them go.

Okay. Hey, Chrissy girl, Good to see you.

Sandra said, do you save serious conversation in person or phone? Men these days want to stay on phone. Well, I don't care what they want. It's about what you want and what makes you most comfortable. It depends on the nature of the serious conversation. So, for example, if you want to talk about, let's say, the fact that you have an STI or. Right then it's really about what makes you feel comfortable. If it's like, I want to break up with him, then I would suggest either doing it over the phone or doing it in public. Like, in a. In person. But in a public place. You have to understand that it can be really dangerous to break up with a man in person if you're in a private place, because some of these men will lose their minds. Police departments have whole long file stacks of what they call crimes of passion, where a woman breaks up with a guy and then he breaks her face.

So I don't. I don't want you to be thinking about, like. Like where you should do it. I want you to be thinking about what's most comfortable for you. Okay.

User576, your skin is glowing tonight. Thank you, girl.

Coco said, what to do. When your boyfriend constantly says, the life you want isn't realistic, then I want you to finish that sentence and I want you to say for you.

Because it's not realistic for him. Right? He's telling you exactly what he's capable of and what he's not capable of.

Here's what. What I want to hear. Based on the life that you're explaining to him, your future husband is going to say, great, here's how I'm going to make that happen.

I was just talking with one of my clients, and they. She was having a serious conversation with her guy, and she was like, here's what I want in two years. Here's what I want in five years. He's like, yeah, we'll do it. Let's do it. Oh, I want to do a nonprofit. Okay, here's. Here's the name of. Here's the. Here's the name of it. Let's do it together. He's going to be supporting anything and everything that you want.

But, like, that's one of the major signs that I look for when it comes to a man that's ready for a healthy relationship, because most of these men are in it for them. They're not in it for you. So you want to see, how does he support you? What is he doing to support your. Your professional life? What is he doing to support your goals, your hobbies, your personal life, your personal relationships? How is he moving you forward? How is he helping you develop?

Because I will tell you this, 80% of the guys out there are not doing that and have no intention of doing that.

Okay. Okay.

Cherelle says, should I be on the apps or not? I'm always going to be an app girl. I'm going to be a. Both and. Right. It's not either or. I always think, like, you never know where you're going to find your person. So always on the apps, I'm going out to at least one or two places a week, and I'm talking to my friends, and I'm getting set up by them trusted friends in my tribe. And here's the thing. What I. When you're asking for a referral, a setup, I want you to ask. I want you to ask your friend, who's the guy that's the dad of the group. Yeah. Who's the guy who is the responsible one who looks out for everyone? That's the guy who you need to be set up with. Not just any old random guy. Right. You want the airport dad. You want the Guy that might be a little bit corny. You want the guy that is the designated driver. Right. You want the guy that stays out and waits for the Uber while the girl is waiting for her Uber. Right. One of the girls in the group.

That's what you're looking for. That's what you're waiting for. So ask her about those guys. Don't just ask her about any guys, because those are the husbands.

Yeah.

Justine Said just had a second guy with a guy who is Mexican. We align a lot on things, but not feeling the chemistry. Should I keep pursuing or let it go? If the date was overall positive, have another one again. When you're dating, I want you to focus on the slow burn. So this is about. Does the attraction increase over time? It's not about, is it a nine or a ten? It's about, did we start at a six? This date's a seven. Next date is a seven and a half. Is there an increase there? Most of us are dating based on chemistry, and that is. I think that's a way of dating that's not going to fully serve you because guess what? One chemistry is literally chemistry. It's chemicals, it's biology. And that shit fades within 18 months.

Right. The other thing is toxic and narcissistic. Guys can have chemistry with anybody. Respectfully, you're not special. So.

I think a lot of us play ourselves in thinking, oh, my God, we had such chemistry. Oh, my God, he's like, we. I feel so good, girl. He's gonna have a date tomorrow and have the same chemistry with the next girl. That's part of his plan. Right. He's practiced in this. So chemistry can't be the only thing. I want us to deprioritize chemistry, focus more on compatibility. I want to focus more on the emotional componen.

That's what I help my clients do. Right. Especially for women of color, when maybe.

Feelings and emotions and vulnerability, those things weren't necessarily celebrated or welcomed in your household. That might not be an area that you're focusing on or that you have the emotional confidence to feel good about doing. That's what I help my clients do so that they can also have and prioritize those deeper emotional connections and not just physical connection or intellectual connection. Yeah. So if that's something that's of interest, if that's an opportunity for you, I definitely want to invite you to book a consultation call and see if there's a good fit for us to help you get your guy. Okay. Let's see what else the Girls are talking about. Let me, let me see what IG is because y' all are really asking a lot of questions here. Not papa. What do you do when your friend are setting you up with a man that isn't attractive? Well, first you need to say, girl, let me see a picture. Right. And then you get to say yay or nay to it. But here's a. Here's the thing. If you're neutral on the guy, I want you to give him a chance.

Eris Gay says, do you think it's harder to find men if you don't want kids?

Harder is such an interesting word. I think that there are a lot of men that want to have a legacy. Right. That want to continue the family tree. So they're just like, statistically speaking, they're not going to be as many men as if you were open to having kids.

Jazzy said, what if the chemistry never happens after 15 years? Then, girl, he's a roommate. He's not a romantic partner.

Circuit said, what if he's husband material but lacks shared interests, different ideas of fun? That's fine. That's fine.

Men and women are different. Yeah.

There might be things that he's going to like that you're going to have no interest in. Don't try to force the funk. Girl. If he wants to go golfing, let him go golfing. Right. If you want to, I don't know, get your nails, get mani pedis on Saturdays. He doesn't need to like do that. I do think it's important to have some commonalities, but it doesn't have to be everything. Right. I do think, and this is. Feels really superficial, but you guys kind of have to like similar tv.

Yeah. Or at least be open to new and different shows to watch for each other.

Jenny Janachi said, this coach is extremely knowledgeable. He knows what he's talking about. Girl, I better. I've been doing it for 14 years. Girl, thank you, though. That's. Crystal said, I have a potential first date at an NBA game. Do you think this is a good first date location? No. You want the first date location to be something where.