Dating Q&A - 06-07-25

Hello, hello, hello, everyone. Welcome, welcome, welcome. I hope everyone is doing well. It's good to see you. I'm a little bit on the late freight tonight, honey. It's a little bit late. She's been busy, she's working, she's preparing for tomorrow. But I had to come on because I knew that I wasn't going to be able to come on tomorrow night. I still might, but I think I might be really busy. So how are y' all doing on this Saturday night? Well, number one, I'm really mad at you. I'm mad at you because you're here with me on a Saturday night and you need to be out and about dating. You need to be out and about talking to boys. Yes, I said boys, okay? That's what needs to happen at the end of the day. So stop chatting with me and let's start chatting with street men.

Okay? Thank you. Thank you. Yeah, someone said, are you in la? No, I was in LA two weeks ago, but I am back at home playing suburban mom of three here in Montreal, Canada. And I'm here to, for those that are new here, I'm here to answer any and all of your questions about dating, love, relationships and men. My name is Anwar White. They call me the fairy godbrother of dating. And I'm here to make sure that you're leveling up in dating, that you are doing what needs to be done.

So that you can get your guy. That's the name of my program, get your guy. Okay, so let's get him, girl. Thanks. Yeah, girl, I've been so busy. So tomorrow what do I have? I have some consultations. I'm filming a documentary in the morning time in the afternoon. I'm also have an interview with the ladies from Living Single. And then in the nighttime I have three sessions with clients. So tomorrow's gonna be really busy. I'm probably gonna be pooped. That's why I won't be able to come on live.

So that's why I'm coming on today, tonight. And I want you to answer all, ask all of your questions that you have about dating, love, relationships. I'm going to answer them in the best way that I can. Okay? Now if you are interested in doing this work a little bit deeper. If you're like your 15 second answer that you gave me on a live with thousands of people isn't cutting it for me.

Go to the link in my bio book. A call. Yeah, and we can work together for an entire year and I can help you get into the Best amazing relationship of your life. I literally, in the last few days, there have been three women that have gotten into a relationship. A woman in Toronto, a woman in New York, and a woman in San Francisco. So it's very possible. And we see this on average every other day in my program. Okay, so let me see what's going on here. What the hell are y' all talking about? Because I know y' all talking about some mess. And by the way, if I say anything that resonates with you, tap the screen. Double trap, double tap, triple tap. Tap so much you're getting carpal tunnel, no shade. Okay. Hey, Hachi Boo. Hey, Angela. Someone said any tips on dating apps? Yes. Be on them. Be on them, please. Yeah, I can tell you this right now. My clients have not been having great success with Bumble. So we've been shying away from Bumble and we've been going on other apps. You want other app recommendations, you're gonna have to go into my program. I don't really give app recommendations anymore to the public. I only focus that with my clients because it's different. Right? It really depends on your age, your size, your skin tone, your location, all of that. So it's important to make sure that the recommendations are as specific as possible.

Okay? Dar said King. Hey. Tatiana said, what about dating co workers? So actually, I have a client that is dating a co worker tonight. I'm going to have to reach out to her and see how it went. I think I would not be doing my job as a dating coach if I said don't date co workers at all. Because still around 15 of relationships start at work. So what I would say is make sure that.

This person isn't working completely directly over you. Okay. You want someone that is laterally your level or a boss in another department or. Or business, but maybe in the same building. Okay. Should you make a guy wait before you respond to his text? Floral and beautiful. Ask. I think that's gameplay. I think that if you're naturally someone that texts fast, then text fast. Don't. Don't try to be someone you're not to try to act cool. You're. Then you're going to be too cool for school, and nobody likes that. And I think that a lot of women try to match energy with men, and I think that is the wrong approach. I think that you do you. And if they can't keep up with you, then you let them go. That's the kind of. That's the way that I want things to go and your person will always want to keep up with. You will have the same enthusiasm, if not more enthusiasm about staying in contact. In my program, we call that bdb between date behavior and we have a whole analysis and framework in terms of how to analyze that to understand if people are actually worthy of continuing communication or not. But you're all going to have to go into my program if you want to learn about bdb, honey. Okay.

Determined angel said, I don't know how to date at all. Guess what? You're not alone. Nobody knows how to date because nobody was taught. If you were taught to date. Actually, if you were not taught to date, give me a hashtag not taught. And please spell taught correctly. Thank you. I won the spelling bee in fourth grade and I expect the followers and the people in here to also spell correctly.

Yes. I say that because I don't want us to have shame around dating. And to be honest with you, you might have learned dating pre pandemic, but the gate, the dating game has changed significantly post pandemic and it's horrible. It's absolutely. It's the toughest that it's ever been. So please, please, please don't shame yourself if you don't know how to date. Girl.

It'S so difficult. It's so hard.

I don't want you to shame yourself. Alrighty. Okay. Peace hearts. Like, can I. How can I tell my friend that she's doing too much for a guy? She's been in a situation for three years. You gotta lead with your feelings. Hey girl, I'm really worried about you. And then here's what I want you to do. Don't ever tell anybody what to do.

Don't tell somebody. Oh, girl, you gotta leave him. Leave that to me. I'll tell her. But here's what you do. I say tell. Tell her this. Hey girl, I have a situation for you. And I want your honest advice. And then explain her situation, but put yourself in her role and, and tell her, what do you think I should do? And she's going to say, girl, you need to leave him. And when you. When she says, girl, leave him, you say, but girl, that's your situation. So if I should leave him, shouldn't you?

Chest baby, not checkers. Chest baby. Do you understand? Checkmate. Checkmate. That's how you do it.

Okay?

Just be like, hey girl, I've been kind of dating this guy on the DL for a really long time.

And then go into it.

Then she said, oh, girl, that doesn't sound good. I said, I know, girl, cuz that's your situation.

Now what are we gonna do? That's how we have to do it sometimes, girl. And thank you all for the 5000 likes here on TikTok. Let's run it up, honey. Usually I have 20,000 likes by now. So y' all are. Y' all are. Y' all are slacking.

I'm kidding. Hey, Joanna said, why do white men crush but never pursue us black women? Because white men think that your eyes are only for black dudes. And they're not wrong. Most of y' all are getting with black dudes, however often I'm telling you not to.

Actually, what I am saying is.

Date everybody and see who wins. The gag is based on quality and quantity. Oftentimes it's somebody else that's winning. Now, I would say roughly two thirds of my clients do end up with black men. But healthy black men, white men are feeling you, but they think that y' all are not checking for them, that you're not into it. So for white guys, you're gonna have to actually give them. Girl, your light is gonna be so green, it's gonna be blue. You're gonna have to give them the blue light, girl. Okay.

Okay. Camille says, dating a white guy, he always wants to see me every day. Like dates, etc. Is that love bombing? No, not necessarily. But just let him know I'm really busy. I'm a law student, but we can meet up two to three times a week. We can study together. You can help me study. Let these men work for you when I tell you, like, the way that men self actualize is actually through work.

Please let them work for you for. And then four. You know, for so many black and brown women, you know, they often feel like, oh, I don't want these guys to do anything for me because it means that I'm going to have to owe them or they're going to feel like in a very disempowered state. No, these men want to work for you and you won't have to, like, owe them anything. I think it's important for you to understand that they get to do things for you and you don't have to do anything back. That's how you test if a man is really in his masculine or not. Men that are not in their masculine want it to be transactional, even if that means intimacy. That is not a masculine, energetic trait. Okay, so if someone does something for you and then wants you to give it up because I did this thing for you, all you need to do is set the Boundaries. Now, that brings to the forefront a different issue, which is that most of y' all don't have boundaries.

So that's why this asking other people to do things for you feels almost disempowering. Okay, girl, let these men do for you, please. Someone asked, how do we join the Adore tour? So that's been. That's on pause this year because, girl, honey, I'm about to sell this book, and this TV show is getting probably greenlit in July, so we're gonna try to pick it back up in the fall. But don't quote me on that, girl. No shade.

Ms. Nebraska said, I love the podcast with Jessie Wu the other day. Thank you so much. It was a great podcast. And, girl, you know, I'm not really an emotional person, but I just felt a really great connection with Jessie, and she's. She's amazing. And, girl, she got these bug tears out of me now. It's hard for me to admit it, but, girl, I was crying. Ugly cry, girl. My cry is ugly. Who else has the ugly cry up in here? If you don't cry often, you automatically will have an ugly cry because you're not crying for what's happening then and there. You're crying for all of the times that you should have cried, but you didn't.

Okay. Peace. Heart said, how can I tell my BFF that? Okay, I already answered this. Chrissy said, I love the way you talk like a white girl. Like a Valley girl. Thank you.

Yeah. Vanessa said, what do you recommend when dating in your early 20s? To not take it so seriously, to literally. I want you to think about it. I want you to think about dating in your early 20s as, like, freshman year of college. Like, we don't know what we're majoring in right now, but we're going to dibble and dabble. We'll take art history, Chinese edition. We'll take, you know.

Societal pressures of women in the 1960s. Just, girl, date these men as if they're random electives. Freshman year of college. And as you continue to take more classes, take more men, you'll get a sense of what you like and what you want to major in. Okay.

Hachito Chunti says, how can we get over insecurities while dating? Well, it really depends on what insecurities you have, because some of the of these insecurities actually have deeper wounds that we need to heal. Okay.

If I had your swag confidence, dating would be easy. Girl, you can have all of the swag and confidence in the world, and dating is still going to be a challenge because you can be ready. But at the end of the day, 80 to 90% of these guys that are single are not ready. So you have to get through all of them to figure out to find the 10%. And then from the 10%, figure out who aligns with you, right? Who is going to be a great match for you. And that's what I help my clients do, right? I. What I want my clients to do. I help them. I teach them strategy to get to that 10%. And then from that 10%, we figure out who's going to be the best match. And oftentimes that person isn't who they thought that they would be with. And that's because there's some.

Unlearning that needs to happen to be ready for the best.

Partnership relationship of your life. Okay?

Okay. This girl in on IG who keeps on asking about dating Arabs, I need you to chill with that girl. You've asked it 50 times. Don't be that girl. It's giving anxious. I will get to your question, but here's the thing.

This. And this is a. If you are literally putting your question in a lot, I think it is important for you to understand that you might be doing this with men. If you're texting them all the time, if you're calling them all the time, they're gonna run away from you.

It is unattractive.

Okay? And this is not me coming for you specifically, girl. She said, I'm desperate. No. This is a learning opportunity for us all, okay? So don't be that girl. Because when you're that girl with a guy, he's gonna think, one, I have her. She's not a challenge, and I'm bored. And then two, she's doing too much, which means that she's gonna always have.

She's always gonna need me. And that sort of responsibility is. Can be overwhelming for men.

Yeah. Okay. Ask your questions three or four times, but don't ask them 50 times. Like, my girl was doing.

Okay.

Imani said, I got on bubble because you said so. Found the love of my life, girl. I'm so excited about that. Bubble was really good in 2024. It's not been giving as of Q4 of last year. And then this year, okay, Fate said, how do I find a secure man? I know it sounds really cliche, but it means that you need to find a. You need to be a secure woman. You need to heal your shit. And healing your shit is actually going to help you align with people. That are also healed. Right. That part of this work is a good part of it is about you.

Because it'll help you discern and distinguish between who's actually for me and who's not. If you're a secure woman, you're not going to be overly, like, done with guys that are doing a lot for you.

Okay? So that means that you're not going to be fooled by the love bombers. You're not going to be, like, wowed by men that are, you know, courting you, being chivalrous. It will be an expectation because you have that sort of security.

Ig, there's someone saying, check the question box. First of all, don't tell me what to do. I'm grown. And two, you must be new here. I never check the question box. That's not how I run things. I check the questions that are in the chat. Okay.

Okay. Let's see what else is going on. And thank you all so much for the almost 25, 000 likes here on tick Tock. I appreciate it.

Let me see. Thoughts on abstinence right now, girl. Right now, right now. I have my legs crossed. That's how abstinent I am. I'm married and I'm abstinent, girl. Like, that's how crazy it is out here, girl. Let me. I'm so old, girl. I'm double. I'm double cross, girl. With my legs, girl. Nobody, Nobody's hitting this. Nobody's eating it. Nobody's doing nothing to it, girl. Do you know how, you know the HIV cases that are, like, increased in Pennsylvania and Texas right now? Someone said extra sassy tonight. I mean, girl, I kind of gotta be.

Girl, everybody needs to cross their legs right now.

Or give me this icon, girl. Give me this logo, girl. Because we can't do it. And especially if you're a black woman, you represent more than 50% of all HIV cases in women, and you only represent 13% of the population.

No, ma', am, we're not doing that.

Respectfully speaking. And I can say this. I think as a black man and as a gay man, but, you know, I. I've always had a mouth on me, so I don't really care.

A lot of these Black men are DL and gay and.

A lot. And 60% of black men don't use condoms, are not wearing condoms. So even if they are stepping out on you or dating multiple people and having sex with multiple people, the probability of them bringing things back into your relationship is much higher than other races.

The other thing that I think is important for us to understand is that a lot of these people, men in our community.

So here's the thing. You sleep with one person, you sleep with the whole community. Let's just keep it real. And a lot of these men are coming out of jail and. Or prison. And with an 80% STI rate.

Are we crossing our legs, ladies?

I mean, it's pride month. Girl. Go Leslie, if you have to. I don't care.

There's going to be no love after lockup up in here. Do you hear me?

Thank you. Thank you. This is Wakanda closed. Thank you.

Someone said it's terrifying. It's the truth.

You know in the family feud, when they make a mistake and they go like this?

That's what we're doing for these men. Honey, I'm not playing around with you.

Knowledge is power. I don't care how big it is.

I don't care how much swagger he has.

Get yourselves on prep.

If you want to be out in these streets. But that just takes care of the hiv. It doesn't take care of the gone gone. The sip sif.

Someone said toys only. All right, toys r us. What's prep? Girl, I want you to google it.

Okay?

Oh, and by the way, please.

When you get into an exclusive, committed relationship.

Require.

A full panel. As my Grey's Anatomy girls would say.

We need to know what we're entering into.

Do you understand? And if he. If he's tripping about any of that, it's a no for me, dog.

I want CT scans. I want an mri.

I want it all. Do you hear me?

Don't be ashamed of asking for this, ladies.

Because here's the gag.

Yeah, herpes, too. No shade, but.

Most of us have herpes. They say two thirds of the globe has herpes. It's just not flared up. But you want to know that before you get into a relationship. The gag is that a lot of you all get into these relationships or sleep with these men not knowing anything about what they got going on. And then suddenly you have herpes. And then you spreading it to some guy and he can't pee. Right? And then he gets mad at you because he's thinking that you gave it to him on purpose and you didn't even know.

Don't go chasing waterfalls.

A full panel.

People are saying this is gross. It's not gross. It's reality. Right? And I think it's really important for us to have this conversation because it's not. It's not being talked about enough.

Honey, this is Your episode of Scared Straight, scared, abstinent.

Y' all fighting about what herpes is and what herpes isn't, which lets me know. This is exactly why we need to have this conversation.

Someone said most doctors won't include herpes on the panel. Tell them you need it. Put it on as an add on, honey.

You hear me, sweetie? HIV is on the rise again. Forget what you heard.

Yeah, honey, like I. I always. I've been saying this since Donald Trump has gotten into office. You need to treat these men the way that Donald Trump treats people.

Donald Trump is telling these people, I want to see your papers or I'm kicking you out. You need to see this man's hospital papers. You need to see the full panel. And if they can't show them, they're out.

Thank you.

Honey. We put in tariffs on the punani. Do you hear me?

I'm not playing around.

Ice, Ice, baby, you're out.

Honey. I think my next video, when I choose to come back onto TikTok, will be that same chart that Trump had, honey. Tariffs. Dominicans, 20% tariffs. Nigerians, 50% tariffs. Haitians, 25% tariffs. I don't care anymore.

Oh, honey, give them all tariffs. Someone said, why 50 for Nigerians? I'm not answering that question.

I'm not answering the question.

Someone said, who gets 100% tariffs? I don't know. Maybe the Samoans because they're small. Pee pee, honey, I'm tired of them.

I'm tired of them.

Yeah. So everybody getting tariffs up in here, honey. I don't care. Someone said, a thousand percent for all men. Oh, I know. That's right.

Honey. Someone said, what about the Balkans, honey? No shade. I'll pay them.

Oh, girl, if you know, you know.

You know, girl, you know. Okay.

Girl. Someone said, what about the Native Americans? I can't. We can't do anything to the natives, honey. They've gone through enough.

Seriously?

Yes, honey, if you know, you know, honey, these Balkan men, honey.

Okay, so.

Okay. People are saying, can we ask serious questions now? Yes, you may. Yes, you may. We had a kiki a little bit. Girl, we gotta have a little bit of fun up in here. And thank y' all almost for almost 40,000likes here on tick Tock. I appreciate it. Okay. Oh, my God. The girl asked again about the Arabs. Girl, I'm kicking you out. I don't care about them, and you should neither.

All my. All of my black ladies here in this chat. Tonight, I need you to go to Croatia and Serbia.

Thank you. You're welcome. That's all I have to say. Okay, let me see some more. Some serious question.

The guy I'm dating can't keep up. It's been three months. Should I stay? No. Girl, it sounds like you already lapped him.

The most embarrassing thing that can happen when you're in PE class in junior high is that you all are running around the track and you get lapped and it sounds like you've already lapped this man. Man.

There'S no way that it will work.

Okay? People are saying these men don't go to the doctor. They don't. They're waiting for you all to be their nurses. Honey, don't do it.

As someone whose family is half nurses.

Richie White says, why are the only men I attract is white. Well, girl, your last name is White, just like mine. Girl, if you're black and your last name is white, the white man will be after you. But secondly, if you talk like me, the white men are going to be all about you.

Apple user said, any advice for white women in their mid, late 20s trying to find a good man in SF? Well, girl, your profile name gave it away. Apple user. Girl, go to the Apple Store.

Girl, go to these tech conferences. Go to these founder meetings.

There. I used to live in San Francisco. There were tech conferences every week.

Come on now.

Okay, y' all are. Y' all are starting to get real racial, honey, y' all starting to get real racial in this chat. I'm trying to keep it cute.

How much for Latinos? The tariffs? I don't want to say, girl, I might get kicked off. But I will say.

It depends. Girl, it depends. It depends what kind of Latino. What kind of Hispanic man are we talking about? Because different Hispanics have different tariffs.

Okay?

Someone said give us a prop. Give us. Give us a Samoan prop.

Oh, God. Let me see if I can do this.

Do you see this little Lego.

Oh, my gosh, girl. Oh, my gosh, girl, the Samoans hate me. They hate me.

They hate me. They hate me. I love them. Swans are black, girl. No shade. Okay.

Mel Rest says how to get rid of the fear of having your time wasted. Well, here's the gag. If you aren't learning things while you're dating, then you are getting your time wasted. Your job. And what I think the value added my program is is that we get to learn in each and every experience that we're having in dating so that you're always constantly leveling up.

Right?

But here's the thing. If you don't know what you're doing. You're always going to waste your time. In dating.

I always tell people it's like punching a door instead of just opening it with your hand. So if you already know that you don't know how to date, that you don't have a strategy, then.

You'Ve already wasted your time and you haven't even started dating.

Okay. Yeah.

Oh, said, are there men that'll date a woman with kids? Where do I go? Do I need to get me an Italian? Honey, There are a lot of men that date women with kids.

It's interesting, right? I think that there's a lot of, like I was saying before, 90% of the men that are single are not relationship ready, but they have the loudest voices because there's so many of them. So you think that, oh my God, there aren't any men out there that are going to be checking for me because I have kids? No, those men are not relationship ready. The 10% of single men that are relationship ready, they don't care.

Because they don't think of you as a mother first. They think of you as a woman. And so the important thing to do when you have kids is to also when you're dating, lead with your womanhood and not necessarily as a mother. And I know it's easier said than done because as a parent, what happens, and I went through this as well, that you lose your identity. Your identity becomes, I'm a parent, I'm a mom. Right. Versus I'm a woman first and foremost. So that is the biggest shift that I see that for so many of my clients that are single mothers, that you're gonna have to make that shift in dating. If you don't, then you'll just be a mom for these men.

And you'll be doing too much. You'll be mothering the men just like you mother your kids and you'll get taken advantage.

Of. Yeah.

Someone said, how do you feel about this show on YouTube? Pop the balloon.

I don't watch it. I don't support it. I don't like it. I think it's a humiliation ritual for black men as well as black women. I think it, it's a representation of the disdain that each group has for each other. And it's like, how can I embarrass.

You know, the other gender within our community the most? To be viral and to also because these men are watching this so that they feel good about, you know, men on this show. Like shit talking women, Black women. It's disgusting and. But it Goes both ways. There are black women on there that are there to try to destroy.

Black men.

So I don't think it helps our community.

And if you are a regular watcher of that show, one of the things that I would offer you to think about is what benefit am I getting from this show? What is it serving in me? Even if it is entertaining, you want to understand why? Does it entertain you? What does it satisfy within you that keeps you tuned in?

Because there's a lot of dating shows out there.

Yeah. Now, you know I talk a lot about how a lot of black men are not relationship ready, but.

I'm not here to insult them. I'm not here to make it personal. And a lot of the things, a lot of the rhetoric, a lot of the conversations are pointed and sharp. Yeah.

So that's what I think about that.

Tyex re said, guess who's going to Zagreb next month for my birthday. Great choice. Indeed. Yes. Honey, don't come back unless you're married and you have European citizenship.

Haban said, is it okay to ask a guy out?

Yeah, it's okay to ask a guy out of your face.

But to ask him out on a date.

Respectfully speaking, are you a man? Are you in your masculine energy?

Are you going to pay for the date as well?

Are you going to fly him out?

Are you going to put the condom on him as well?

Are you going to propose?

Are you going to impregnate him?

These are just questions.

No answers are necessary.

Let me know what you're going to do. Girl.

Do you want to do all of that? Yeah. You want to open his door? You want to pick him up on the date and drop him off?

You want to walk on the street side to protect him?

Is that what you would like to do?

If so, go ahead, buy him flowers.

Is that what you would like to do, love?

You want to give him money so that he can get his nails and hair done.

And his lashes?

The reason why I am saying this and we get to do this because we're family, right? Is because how you start is how you finish.

And if you start by asking him out, he will never want to work for you.

Ever.

Cuz you doing all the working.

Don't start none, won't be none.

That's why we're not asking men out.

Almost threw up, girl.

Where's my act like a lady, think like a man book so I can throw up in it?

I think I'm feeling better now.

I think I'm feeling better now.

Let me keep these Legs crossed, honey. Are yalls legs still crossed like I was talking about before.

Huh?

That's right, girl. Someone said, oh, Fairy Godbrother is not playing tonight. I am not. I'm not playing with y'. All.

The gag was that I had a meeting with the publisher of this book because I'm in my publisher meeting era right now. So I'm meeting with publishers, and then they will bid on my book, and then I will choose the person that.

So, yes, I got all the books. I do my research, honey. Okay. Ursula said, he keeps asking me for money. I did give him $30. Don't ever give men money. Don't. Why are we doing.

What was the $30 for? You don't even know. You might have given him drug money. Girl.

Don't give men money, ever. Don't give men money. Don't give your siblings money. Don't give your parents money. Girl.

The. When I hear of a woman giving a man money, it's like. It's like, you know, when a company pays you, and then you want. Like you would want to give the money back.

What sense does that make? Yeah, especially in this economy with this inflation.

Girl. Not $30. I wouldn't even give them 30 cents.

Remember when the chips used to be 25 cents, girl, you could get yourself some Doritos or Lays or Cheetos for 25 cents. I wouldn't even give him that.

I might give them 30 pesos. What is that, 3 cents?

Just for shits and giggles?

All right, honey, when I. When I go in, girl, it's because this is all coming for love. It's all love, girl.

It's masculine to give men money. It's masculine to ask men out. And a lot of what y' all are doing, let's get a little bit serious here.

We're doing this because I think that there's a scarcity mindset because you don't have a lot of men in your roster. You're doing whatever you can to get men in your sphere, in your realm. It's better to have nobody than to have some fake ass. Somebody.

I'm telling you the truth.

When you normalize.

Somebody.

Who'S half ass, that will become your upper limit.

So now when. Let's say you ask a man out and he becomes the feminine in the relationship. Now your upper limit, your normal is feminine men.

When you give men money, that will become normal to you. And now you will attract men that are poor.

You will attract men that. That are on girlfriend welfare.

And you will think it's normal and it's not. It's actually the antithesis of what you should be receiving.

This is also a self esteem issue.

This is because we want attention and we want to feel wanted. 100%.

Want yourself.

Want yourself.

Give yourself attention.

When you do this, you're centering men and you're making them more important than you are.

It's giving dating Jim Crow.

You're gonna give this guy $30? How much are you giving yourself?

You're gonna ask him out? Who's asking you out? Are you asking?

Stop it right now.

Please.

Serious question here, ladies.

Do you want yourself?

Do you want yourself?

And if so, how do you show that?

How do you show yourself every day that you want yourself?

How do you show yourself that your own attention is everything?

How do you do it?

Do you do it?

Someone said, I do want myself, but my actions don't always show it. I'm going to work on that. If your actions don't show it, you don't want it. And I say that with love and respect.

As a woman, you set the energy of everything in your relationships.

However cliche this sounds. Whatever you do for yourself, that's what he's gonna do.

I really want us to think about this.

Right? And people are talking about getting my nails done, getting my hair done. Shit's physical. What are you doing deep inside?

How are you serving yourself deep inside?

Respectfully speaking, I don't give a about 50, 50. That is outside.

No shade. But some of the most toxic, unhealthy people are the most beautiful. So I don't care if you got your hair done, your nails done. I don't care about any of that.

This has to be a 360 sitch. Ladies.

How do you find.

Centeredness, peace, rest?

That's what I asked you.

Yeah. Some people say, give me some examples.

In the morning.

What do you do.

To give yourself attention, to give yourself love? Are you just rushing out the door.

Right? Stopping off at Starbucks on the way to work?

And you haven't even done anything for yourself.

What ways in your life are you allowing yourself to slow down?

If you have a Viola Davis walk from how to get away with murder everywhere you go. That's not it.

I want you given Alice in Wonderland. Oh, what's this? What's that? I want you literally stopping and smelling the roses.

Slow mornings, slow, slow afternoons, slow meals, slow evenings.

Okay.

Am I lying about that Viola Davis walk? Because most of y' all have it. No shade.

Part of this is also about just doing things that are fun. And bring you joy.

When I tell you the most success.

And the most, like, good things that come into my life happen when I'm only focused on fun and joy.

It'S crazy.

And some of us.

Sometimes, because we didn't see that growing up, realize that, like, no, my life is supposed to be about work. And we do what our parents did, which is we work ourselves to the bone, and then we come home and we pass out.

I want an hour of fun a day.

Can you say that you are providing yourself an hour of fun and joy per day?

One hour out of 24.

That'S what, 4%? 4% of your day? That's what I'm asking.

Y'. All. Not doing it.

Most of y'. All.

Someone says, does roasting co workers count? Yeah, roasting counts. Girl, that's fun. Someone said, I don't even know what fun is anymore. And that's the problem. If you can't, if you don't know what fun is, if you're not having fun, you won't be able to fall in love.

Because love is about letting go. Love is about joy, and love is about fun. This is some of the work that we do in my program.

Yeah.

This is about.

Being light, free and our feminine to attract.

More amazing things in our life and a man being one of them. But so many other things. I mean, my clients are getting promotions at work, have better relationships, all of that.

Yeah. So something that I want you all to think about. And if you want more of this kind of focus. Right. And accountability for this, you definitely want to book a call so that we can get you together.

When I tell you the work works. But in the past two days, we've had three women get into amazing relationships. One in San Francisco, one in New York, one in Toronto.

All of this was necessary.

Do you have clients overseas? Ton of them. Ton of clients in Africa. Lots of clients in France and England. A number of clients in UAE as well. The way that you book a call is going to the link in my bio, and it's the first button there.

Okay.

But this is part of it. We have to unlearn everything. Most things that we learned, especially as people of color, and especially you all a woman of color. Right.

To get into the best relationship of your life.

Someone said, do you have something budget friendly? So actually, what I've been doing, because, you know, the girls, they were mad at me because.

One of my clients spent $10,000 over a couple of years with me.

Since then, I have been training my own AI and it has all of my information, all of my knowledge in there, and I'm going to provide it to the ladies that can't afford four figure coaching. I heard you, I listened to you, and I'm providing you with something over the next couple of weeks that will help those ladies.

Who don't have that budget. Okay.

So that's coming. But I'm training it so that it's me. It's not a computerized version, and it has all of the information that I have in it so that you all can have me in your pockets to help you navigate this.

Yes, honey, I got. I got a robot for y' all.

And more. AI, honey fairy godbrother, AI. Who's ready, who's not.

So.

That'S what I've been doing for the past two, one and a half to two months.

That's why I haven't been doing my tiktoks.

I've been working.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I hardly said. The ladies are talking to ChatGPT anyway, so that makes sense. Yeah. The thing about ChatGPT is that it doesn't have any cultural awareness.

And it gives you generic advice. It's not very. It doesn't understand the nuances of dating nowadays. Yes, honey, the doll is busy with this AI app with this book that's being sold and my TV show. Yeah. Very busy and running a very successful business.

Someone said, will it have your voice? It does have my voice. You can text it, you can call it, you can visually see me, all of it.

Someone said, can you share more about the TV show? The TV show is going to be about me helping black women find love. Right. And them going out on dates and us kind of doing some analysis and me coaching them before and after the dates to make sure that they are maximizing their experiences and their opportunities, but also doing some healing work. Okay.

That's what this is about.

Yeah.

Umu said, have you watched Muslim matchmakers show on Hulu? I haven't, but they wanted to come on my podcast. Is a good girl.

Someone said, I hope it's on peacock. Well, we are definitely in conversations with people.

You know, potentially in that realm.

Yeah.

Okay.

Someone said, will it roast me like you would tell it? Yes, girl, it does.

It's girl's gonna give it to you straight. No chasers. Tammy said, I see you got your NBA jersey on how to date NBA players. Don't. Don't date NBA players.

So one thing that you have to know about me is that, you know, when I was younger, I was out here in these streets.

And.

Dating a lot of people that I shouldn't have.

Dating is a very loose word, let's just say.

And.

So I'm saying all of this to say, don't ever date an NBA player.

Don't ever do it. I will tell you this. There is probably.

Because y' all think that these boys are just playing sports and all of no, girl, there's at least one gay guy on every team.

There's at least one gay guy on every team. I need you to know that.

The NBA players, they cheat. They.

Have different girlfriends in different cities.

They're always going to want you to be better because that's how they live their life.

They're always trying to improve their jump shot, their speed, their jumping height, they're rebounding, whatever it may be. And that will translate into other parts of their life. This is basketball, football, soccer, doesn't matter. I just have more extensive.

Experience with NBA players. I'm six, two six three and snatched for the gods. Like, I. I just look better with NBA players. I didn't look good with NFL players because they were 5, 9 and 2:30.

Celebrities in general, people are asking about.

If you're into kinky stuff, go on and get with a celebrity, because those celebrities.

Oops.

Sorry about that. Those celebrities can get whatever they want all the time. And at some point, they get tired of the vanilla stuff.

So you're gonna have to figure out.

Oops, IG froze. You're gonna have to figure out if you win it or not.

So that's something that y' all need to figure out.

People are gagging on 59230. Why? Girl.

That'S how it is.

Someone said the Diddy child is super eye opening. It is. But if you think that Diddy is the only one that has a Kinkmeister. Is a Kinkmeister like that? Think again.

Think again, girl.

Think again. 59230 is thick. I know that's right. I know that's right. I'm kind of in my thick era these days. I mean, my. My hubby is round and thick, so I'm into it now. So who likes the thick boys? Those big boys. Here's the gag that I need y' all to understand. I know you, a lot of you all are dating as if you're in high school and college trying to date the varsity quarterback. And I say this with love and respect. Most of y' all husbands are gonna have round bellies.

Most of y' all husbands are gonna have glasses.

Most of y' all husbands are Gonna be lanky.

Now what?

Now what?

Especially for those round boys. Most of them are round, right? So. And if you have any sort of.

Qualms, insecurities about your own size, a lot of you all will not want to get with a round guy.

You trying to run away?

So you trying to run away from the chub?

Don't run away from it, girl.

I'm trying to put you up on game. There are a lot of. There are, there's a difference between.

Your fantasy boyfriend, a boyfriend and a husband. Most husbands are round.

Just. I just want to put it out there.

I just want to put it out there.

But if you're focused on.

The varsity quarterback who's a senior.

You'Re gonna miss out on a lot of great guys.

Viviana said, my partner is the complete opposite of what I thought I'd be with. I get women into relationships every other day. 95% of the time, this is what they tell me.

I never thought it would look the way that it looks, but it feels the way that I've always wanted it to feel.

Eddie said, do they have to be bald though? Most of them will be, girl. I was going bald. It's growing in now for my hair transplant, I'm going through what they call a shock, shock loss. So all of this hair has been lost, but it'll grow up strong, stronger girl. Good number of them are going to be bald.

So what of it?

Yeah. Okay.

I gotta get some sleep, y'. All. I have.

I have a documentary that I am filming on at 11 o' clock and then at 2:30 I'm going to be on the podcast, the Living Single podcast, chatting with, with my girls, Sinclair and Max. Should I, should I, should I share any information with them? What do you think I should tell them ladies that we love them so much?

What should I say?

Yeah, honey, Booked and busy yesterday. I was on AB earlier today. ABC News. It's all, it's all a blur. Okay, okay, I'll tell them that we love them, that we grew up with them.