Dating Q & A - 08-06-24

Foreign.

Welcome. Good to see y'. All. I hope everyone is doing well.

I'm happy to see you all. Are we. Are we doing. Are we doing the Lord's work? Are we praying? Are we taking our vitamins? How are we doing, ladies? Transtiana. Hi, Bestie. Hello, Wonderfully made.

Hello, Phoenix rising. Hey, Cheryl. Hey, Lala. Hey, Bella Spirit. Hey, Tandit. Hey, Dreaming in black, she said, so happy to catch your life. Happy that you're here. Ms. Giggle said. I missed you, girl. I missed you, too. Hi, ladies. How you doing? Hello, my loves. Welcome. I had to cross my legs. You know why? Because I'm a lady and some of y' all are not.

I'm totally just kidding.

How are we doing? It's good to see you all. Yeah. Someone said, tired but doing well. Finally caught you, love. I know, girl. What's up, Godbrother? Girl, you know, doing what I can for God in my country.

That'S what we're doing, honey. Someone said, have you ever worked at the Hartsfield Airport? No. That's another gay black boy. Try again.

Thank you all. Y' all giving me so much love. You know, I was on. I came on Live on Saturday, but y' all were out touching grass and touching. Man, so you didn't catch that tea. Hello, Sade. Hello, Dr. Rashida. Hello, Nelisha. Hello, assured M.K. hey, A.D. hey, Tanisha. Hey. Mommy is Tasty. Mommy Is Tasty is a crazy name, by the way. Okay. Shawnee Mon Said. Hey, Amore. Your videos helped me get in the relationship I've been wanting. I love you so much. Very God, brother. Girl, that makes me so happy for you. Congratulations. That's what. That's what life is about. Honey, we gotta. Honey, we gotta get our guy. And for the Leslie's out there, get your girl, girl. Yeah, it's good to be here. You know, the freaks come out at night and it doesn't feel right when I'm not on Live at Night. Yes, because that's. That's the T.T.

Yeah. Yes. I just came on. Honey, this skin is getting. Thank you. Girl, you know what the gag is? The gag is I was down south, honey. And that sun touches you different, girl. I was in Memphis seeing my mother and my grandmother. It's Chrissy Said, Coach, I want a boyfriend. Where do I start? Girl, you start by working with me.

Healthy, Tipsy Said. Well, I just dropped a loser, so I'm ready now. I know that's right, girl. Honey.

Someone said your lips and more. What about them, honey? Haven't gotten any complaints yet.

You know, the gag is, anytime I wanted a white boy, that was the first thing that they said. And that when they start talking about your black features. Girl fetish tea. Girl fetish tea. So whoever talked about my lips, you're fetishizing me right now. Get out of here. All right. I'm just acting out a little bit. I'm happy to be here. I'm happy to see y'. All. I hope y' all are doing well. For those of you that someone said, how long for a man to make it official? Two to three months. Anything after that, then you're.

Getting played.

And you're playing yourself.

Yes. Divine said, love you, Anwar. Thank you for your service. You're welcome. Girl. Where's my medal of honor?

I guess I'll guess my medal of honor will be this necklace that my man got me.

Andrea said, I loved your Dating a Hot man video. Yeah, I just did a video about dating hot men. Don't do it, girl. May said, and while you stay reading the girls to filth. Yeah. So if by any chance you. You get somebody in your DMs talking about they want to do a reading, it's a scammer account. I have like 10 or 15 of them. And I want to let y' all know, I read the girls for filth every day for free. I will never ask you for $20 to $50. Girl, that's poor man work. And that's not me. I'm a rich white woman.

She said, I just took my honey home to meet my parents. He did good. My parents liked him good. I love that.

I love that, honey. Yes, I'm rich, I'm white, and I'm a woman. Get into it.

Someone said I'm a rich white guy. I know. That's right, girl. May said, the rich laugh gets me every time.

Awesome. Well, I'm happy to be here. Thank you for having me.

And for those of you that are new here, my name is Anwar White. I'm a dating coach for black and brown women. I coach everyone, but my coaching is really centered on the black woman's experience. So, yes, your Caucasian queen here and in the flesh. Elsa. Got nothing on me, girl. I'm all up in my wwa. That's white woman audacity. For the girls that don't know.

So when I come on these lives, it's all about me helping you date, date. Well, so ask your questions about love, dating, relationships and men or women. We're inclusive here. And I will answer them in the order that I see them. Okay. My man about to come home, honey, and I know he gonna tear this up. No, I'm just kidding. He was visiting his mother, so he's gonna come in late.

Crystal said, why do I want toxic men? No shade, but your dad was probably toxic. And you're trying to replicate that relationship because that's your bonding pattern. Clock it.

So someone said, should I get back on the dating apps? Yeah, 100%.

When you're ready and when you feel like you can do it for two to three months at a time. A lot of the girls do it for a week and then stop. Yeah. Da said, I love a poor guy, but he's ambitious. Do you think we could help each other? No.

You can't. You have to wait till he's. He's built.

Yeah.

Wait till he's built.

You have to see building.

It's like buying a house with no doors, no windows, no roof.

Who does that?

Not I.

Not you.

Yeah. Okay, let me see what the girls are talking about tonight, honey, because y' all have the craziest questions and you keep me young, honey. You keep me young. Just like my. My kids make me old, but y' all keep me young. Someone said, Is 23 and 42 too big of an age gap? Yes.

When a 40 year old man is dealing with a woman that's in her younger 20s. Please understand.

He doesn't know how to handle grown women and he is doing that because he wants to control you.

It's not a look.

40 year old men do not take younger 20 year old women seriously.

And that's. I'm not being shady. I'm telling you the truth.

Okay, so let me see what the girls are talking about. Jasmine said I slept with the guy after the second date. How do I know if he likes me or not? Well, first of all, was it good?

Second of all.

I don't care if he likes you or not. I will tell you this though. You're a grown woman, do what you want. But you don't do yourselves favors when you sleep with guys early on in the process. Because oftentimes what will happen is that orgasm actually will be a turn off to him and he will want to run away from you. So I wouldn't be surprised if you start hearing from him less and less because he's gotten the O. So chemically speaking, he feels less bonded to you. Vic said, opinion on men from Spain. I think that they're good jump offs, but these Spanish men are not marrying any black women. If that were the case, you'd see a lot of mixed babies in southern Spain, and you don't see it.

So I think y' all come here for the real deal, Holyfield, and I try to give it to you. No judgment, just my observation, my experience in doing this work. As someone who gets three to four women into relationships every month, one engagement every month. You know, I've seen a lot, I've coached a lot.

And so I just try to tell it how I see it and how I've experienced it ultimately. Okay.

Marqueta said, I have an ex that refused to marry me, and we have business that we handle together. What do I do?

He's a colleague. That's it.

Girl. Get you. Get you another man.

I am. Don said, why would the o turn him off? When a man has an orgasm with you, what happens is that his vasopressin will decrease, and the vasopressin is a bonding hormone. So that's what happens. Biggest I just got done listening to your podcast. I'm married, but it helps with a lot. Thank you, girl. I appreciate that. We're coming out with a bomb one tomorrow. Get into it, girl. It's all about the glow up. Yeah. Oxytocin is for definitely both, but women feel that more for sure. Andre said, our apps a must. No. You get to date how you want to. But here's the thing. You're gonna need to have 200 conversations, and it's easier to have two conversations in both online and offline, than trying to find 200 conversations offline. Most of y' all are not even leaving your house to live, let alone work.

So that's why I think apps are helpful but not necessary.

What is this? The Ella Williams said, we love you. Thank you, girl. I appreciate that. Lettuce. Is there such a thing as an anxious attachment style with meeting new guys? How can I fix this? I think oftentimes I don't really speak in attachment styles, and the reason why I don't do that is because your attachment style can change, and a lot of women use attachment style to keep themselves in a box. Please understand that when you're in a healthy relationship, your attachment style becomes secure.

Now, it might not happen in the first month, but at some point, your attachment style will become secure. Okay? So I want to offer that to anyone who is, like, caught up on these attachment styles.

Okay. Bridget said, what if he's ugly? Fine, but doesn't know he's hot? Perfect. Snatch him up. Snatch him up. Yeah. Okay, let me see what's going on. Killer Lipstick said I'm not that into him, but he's already expressed he wants to make me his woman. I can't get over his teeth. Teeth. I guess I'm not that attracted to him. Unfortunately, I pick jerks. What should I do? Let him know that you gonna. You gonna continue to date. And you'll let him know when you feel like you are comfortable enough going to the next step. And you need to be dating two other guys and figure out who. Who wins after a month or two. Yeah.

The gag is, and this is for a lot of guys who grew up poor, their teeth might not be great.

But you want to see what he's doing to improve things in his life. Because teeth can be changed and he can get veneers. Hopefully not from a veneer tech, but, girl, he can get the work done.

Honey. Had to stop drinking these Gatorades late at night. I'm on my health tip. So this is kombucha, honey. So for the girls who always come to my lives, girl, I. I got. Had to get rid of the Dominican girl.

I feel like this is a. A healthy, vegan Dutch man.

Hard as a rock, girl. Hard as a rock.

Yes, ma'. Am. All right.

Francesca said, I feel bad for wanting a guy to spoil and pay for me. Well, I think it's important to understand, like, where that's coming from. Is it coming from the fact that you're looking for a father or you're you. You are so into yourself and so into your own pleasure in your divine feminine that you have accepted that that feels good for you. So you have to get really clear on what the nature of that is. Just Jocelyn said, I'm going to a conference with a lot of politicians and lawyers. What's the move to catch one? Well, first of all, you don't catch men. They catch you. So this is a mindset shift. Yes. So what this looks like is that you need to be talking to a lot of different people all the time. You're here, you're here, you're here, you're here. When people, like in those sorts of situations, there's probably not going to be a lot of black people. When they see that you are friendly and that you have a lot of conversation with a lot of people, it will make them more willing and open to actually approach you and start talking to you.

A lot of the times these non black men don't approach you because they think that you're not checking for them or they. You're not open to having conversation with them. So even you Just having a conversation with a ton of different men and women. But, girl, mostly went. Mostly men will be helpful in having people come up to you. Don't be cute. Don't be a school girl for those conferences. It goes, girl, the daytime is where you. You. You plant the seed. Those nighttime parties and get together, girl.

That'S when you germinate.

That's when we start growing. Yeah. So.

So let me see what's going on.

Red Heart said, can a secure man date a woman who is still flourishing? Yes. He actually prefers that. And he prefers that because he wants. He wants to take care of you. He wants to protect you.

Yeah.

Elle Blog said, how do you know non black men are fetishizing black women? When they start talking about your black features except for your hair. If they start talking about your hair, then they're probably really into you. But if they're talking about your nose, your lips, your skin tone, girl. One time I was living in Germany, and this guy was like, oh, my God, your skin smells different. And girl, he did his nose all the way up my arm, girl. I said, oh, hell no, girl. I had to run out of there.

Afterward.

Oh, girl.

And that's the gag of the century. Someone said, he said, I'm out of his league. Believe him. Believe him. When a man says that you're out of his league, it's not a compliment. He is literally giving you a warning. And the warning is, I'm gonna humble you down to my level.

Because you're better than.

Yeah.

Yeah, honey. Y' all are laughing, but a girl's gotta eat. And I had to get it in.

I don't care.

The gag, girl. Said he was giving Hannibal Lecter vibes, girl. With that arm stiff. Sure was, girl. And I was giving that detective, girl. Getting eaten alive, girl. Honey, I was that girl in that ditch, girl. He was gonna. He was gonna take my skin away from me. And I would have let him that night, girl. And he almost did. No shade.

Yeah.

Someone said, I'm not mad at you. You shouldn't be, girl. He wasn't. He surely wasn't. Yeah, honey, the Germans, they'll kink you out, girl. Girl, I'm happy to be alive today.

By the grace of God.

And obviously.

Some of the countries that defeated the Germans in World War II. France, UK, the US.

Yes. Hello, Hello, Hello.

How was it? Good. Good. You almost won. Oh, God. My partner was playing bingo with his mom.

Girl. Bingo. Get into it.

Someone said, stay away from the Germans. Got it. I didn't say that.

Where did you get that from.

All right, let me see. What, what are the questions, honey? Okay. Sophie said, does being overweight affect chances for a serious relationship? I think, you know, we've got to be honest here. For some men, yes. I think most of the time men actually prefer curvy.

If you look at the covers of men's magazines and women's magazines, there's completely different. Cosmo and Vogue got the girls that look like toothpicks.

And those men magazines got the curb. So I'm not saying, like, I don't want you to lose weight, but if I want to make sure that you are curvy, if you are bigger, plus size. The thing is you just got to know your lane. And the lane is that.

There are people that like you and love you. And there are also those same people that are not going to be good for you. So the guys that aren't good for you if you're a plus size woman, obviously married guys, but they will try you. The military guys, they will go to war on you. The Jamaican guys are crazy and liars. Yeah.

All that said, you've got a prop for every body size and dick size, girl, you got to, honey, it's called representation matters.

I'm. If my girls are plus size, I'm always like, girl, tall, lanky, gamer.

That's, that's, that's it, honey. That's your lane. Or the bodybuilders.

Some of the girls are like, anwar, why are you telling me to go to the gym? Cuz that's where the bodybuilders are. Don't lose not one pound, girl. Not one, not one iota of a pound. You start going to those, those. Not the cute, you know, Equinox gyms. Go to the Planet Fitness girl.

And get you a bodybuilder. Go to those bodybuilder events, girl, and.

Just walk around.

Someone said, I feel like they'd suffocate me. No, ma', am, honey, they're gonna, they're gonna do sets with you, if you know what I mean.

Yeah.

What do you think of La Fitness? I think that's for the white bodybuilders. You gotta go to some of those gyms that look like a garage.

Someone said, can you explain the bodybuilder thing? Like, we're five.

The thing about bodybuilders is that they are obsessed with everything big.

They just want everything big. So if you're a bigger girl, you're winning with them. They want to be as big as possible. Now what that means is that their d Might be a little bit small, especially if they're on those roids, but.

They want you as big as possible.

Someone said where to find the lanky gamers, girl. GameStop and Best Buy, Comic Con, Renaissance Fairs, Dungeons and Dragons house, Anything that is Game of Thrones oriented.

Girl. No shade anywhere with the Wi Fi, PlayStation 5 online.

Yeah. Dragon Con. Get into it. If you got. If you gotta dress like a maiden to get your tall, lanky gamer girl, do it.

Okay.

Y' all think I'm lying. I'm not. If I. If I were a curvy girl, if I was giving big girl realness.

That'S what I would be doing. And I'm not lying.

I really am not.

Okay, Jackie said courted for two and a half months now. He keeps asking, where do we stand? I want to take things slow. How do I reply?

By letting him know. Well, first of all, there's a reason why you want to take things slow. So one of the things that you're going to need to figure out is what's holding you back from. From saying yes to him.

Something's happening where you're saying no. You've got to get clear on what that is. Yeah, the Haitians like the big girls, too, but, girl.

I can't say too much about Haitians or Nigerians or they will hex me, girl.

Yeah.

Lo fin. Thank you so much for the rose and thank you, everybody, for the support. I appreciate it so much. Thanks so much for the 28,000 likes here on Tik Tok. If I've said anything that resonates with you, definitely tap, double tap, triple tap the screen. I have a podcast called the get your guy coaching podcast. The link's in the bio, so check that out. I have a new episode coming out tomorrow all about your glow up. Because here's the thing. These guys are acting out. So while they act out, you get to glow up. Okay? If you want to work with me professionally, definitely click the link in my bio and book a consultation call. I will let you know that my prices are going up next week. So if you want to work with me, if you've been stalking me, and I know a lot of you have, because y' all are scary.

You want to. You want to take that leap this week, girl. Okay?

Because I hear it all the time.

There's a Nigerian man in my DMs right now. What should I do? Run, girl. Block, girl.

The thing about Nigerian men is that if you're not Nigerian, they're really not going to take you that seriously. And that Nigerian men have whole families back in Nigeria.

And Nigerian women. You back me up on this. I mean, 23. Andme said, I'm 25 Nigerian, so I think I can talk a little bit about this, like 25%.

But yeah, they'll. They'll lie to your face. Oh, thank you for this girl. This diva hat. They'll love bomb you. It's a cultural thing. They'll pay for you. You'll. They'll spoil you. But when they spoil you, they think that they can do whatever they want with you. They're also very harsh.

So.

Part of Nigerian culture is you don't really talk back to men.

Like, it's the biggest form of disrespect. So a lot of black American women, sometimes it just doesn't work.

Yeah, I mean, someone, someone was saying they, they act stuck up, too. Nigerian men have a reason to be stuck up. They're doing well in this country.

You go to Houston. Those Nigerian men are engineers, honey. They got that gas and oil money. Some of them have that, that gas and oil money from back home and they come to America, they go to, you know, these great universities and build here. That's how they can spoil you.

So.

Yeah.

Yeah. Someone said he was already trying to fly me out. Don't, don't let men fly you out unless they come to you first.

Yeah.

Okay. Piece of honey said, speak more about the good men to women ratio.

I think it's. And this is why dating is so challenging, especially if you are. If you're a woman in Atlanta, you get this.

I always say, like.

20% of the guys are good, good guys. Most of them might not be a match for you, but they're good guys that are relationship ready. And I would say probably 2/3 of women are ready for a relationship and have done some sort of work. Yeah.

What does that mean?

That means that every good guy, high quality guy, guy who's like, got his ish together, he's got four, six, eight women chasing after him every. Every step of the way, which means that he doesn't have to treat you right. He gets to treat you however he wants to because he knows he has five other women that are begging to be with him.

Yeah. So that's what makes things really hard, especially if you're a black woman in some of these major cities. Someone said, this means I'm about to go full lesbo. Some of us already tried that. Girl didn't work. Girl. They had to go back.

Honey. A lot of us had that moment in college. No shade.

Someone said, no thanks, girl. That felt homophobic. Don't do that.

Ken said, need somebody medium ugly and obsessed with me. Medium ugly is where it's at. Don't. I just did a video about this. Don't get with a Hawkeye. Get with someone that's. I mean, you say medium ugly. I say medium handsome. Because I'm a half full kind of guy. But. Yes. You just want to make sure that he's doable.

Yeah. That you can do him without closing your eyes.

Describe medium ugly. Oh, God.

Tyga is medium ugly.

Bobby Valentine is medium ugly.

Depending on who we're talking to. Joe Budden is medium ugly.

Yeah. 50 Cent is medium ugly. Someone said Jay Z. That's just oublay.

Someone said, keep them coming. I'm not, girl, because they're gonna. They're gonna get me.

Someone said, jonathan Majors. I just think that they think that because he has a big nose. But here's what I want you all to know. The width of the nose will tell you the width of the D. So, honey, Megan Good's been good for a very long time. That's all I gotta say.

Someone said, how about white? Medium ugly? White medium ugly is kind of like.

Not medium ugly.

Let me see if I know any white people.

Oh, my gosh. I'm gonna have to get back to you on that.

Yeah, honey, go for this. Go for the sevens, girl. Go for the seven. Seven is perfect. Most men want. Us wanna want a seven, eight. Woman, they don't want a nine, ten. Y' all are trying to become nines and tens. Don't.

Which. Let me see what's going on. Be careful with medium handsome, too. Because if they're tall, they default to hot guy in this country.

Someone said Tiger Woods. You know what? I really. I have no comment on that. Because the gag is that if you're with a guy, that is.

If he is a. If he's a five, but he has a lot of money, then he gets plus two points, plus three points. So, like, Tiger woods is like a five, but with his. With his money, he's an eight.

Yeah. So anyway.

Why don't men want nines and tens? Great question. They don't want nines and tens because nines and tens.

They want. They'll never feel secure in having a woman that's a 9 or 10 because she can have any man that she wants to. This is why men want you to have a lower count, because if you have a higher count, it means that they can't control you. That means that you are hot shit in the marketplace and you can go wherever the hell you want to go. So men don't want a 9 or a 10 because they know that ultimately they won't. They can't be everything to you.

So that.

Yeah.

Prissy said, I'm over 50 and men are still trying to control me. Yeah, girl, though, girl, that generation, girl, you better get in with. You better getting with somebody that's in their lower 40s. Girl. Girl, if you're a black woman, most. Most black women are in pretty good health. So, like, what women are conditioned to do is, like to go for someone that's older, thinking that they're going to be more established.

You got. You got to go for the. The younger guys. If you're 50 plus and you looking good and most of y' all are. You're. You've got to go. No. Minus 10 years plus five years. So if you're 50, 40 to 55.

Yeah.

You. A lot of y' all trying to.

Yeah, y' all are gagging on the nose. Dt I thought y' all knew that. That's why I'm never mad at a man who has a big nose, because I know somebody's happy or very unhappy.

Yeah.

Someone said, if you're 40, go for 30.

If you're 40, go for 35.

These younger men are coming with it. These older men are sticks in the mud.

Alexa said, is it bad that I'm 20 and I'm dating a 25 year old? Well, I will tell you this.

Being 20 and being 25 is the same as, like, the difference between someone that's 30 and someone that's 45. There's so much growing up that happens between the ages of 20 and 25. It's crazy.

So just FYI, I know I'm missing a lot of questions. I just got a lot going on.

Between these IG and TikTok. I have about 1500 women that are saying the craziest. Ish. And I love y' all for that.

I hope y' all are happy because.

This is the week where you need to be glued into the Olympics. Because this is when the men's track and field is happening, and this is where you get to see everything.

Because I know I'm glued to the tv.

Yeah.

Glued.

Honey, you know what? You know, honey, it's just. Girl, it's just not all of them are just nodding at me. They're all doing this. They're saying no to me. But sometimes no means yes.

Honey, this is how. Girl, this is exactly how I watch. Girl, the track and field, it's like tennis to me. Girl.

And for the. And for some of those boys, some of it goes like this.

But y' all don't know about that. Y' all don't know about that. Y' all don't know about that.

Some of y' all don't know about that. That's okay.

Y' all are gagging on this. This mixed German sprinter from. Girl, I lived in Germany. Girl, I've had all of them. No shade.

Mother said. And why are you accepting clients? I am. I am. But like I was saying earlier, if you want to work with me, book a consultation this week, because next week, honey, I am.

Prices are going up.

The results are too good.

And we are supporting women for up to a year, especially for my VIP program versus six months beforehand. So there's just much more support that's happening. And we are getting women into relationships.

I'm not one of these girls who just, like, you know, says inspirational quotes. We're, like, doing the work. What was I doing before here? I was having a group session with my clients.

How many women did I have one on one calls with today? At least four. Not to mention an interview with Canadian Yahoo News and a meeting with my future producers of my TV show. Catch that?

Yeah. So.