Dating Q & A 08-25-24

Hello, hello, hello. I hope everything is going well, ladies. Happy Sunday. Happy Lord's day. Are we praising him?

Are we praising the Lord today? Honey, what are we giving? Good morning, Good morning. Good morning. Good morning. Good to see you. Welcome, welcome, welcome. Hello, hello, hello. Are we dating, ladies? Are we out and about? Are we talking to men beyond Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior, today on the Sunday, beautiful morning and afternoon? For those that are, you know, praising him, who else are we talking to besides God and the Lord, sweetie? That's what I want to know.

Someone said, finally caught you on live. You didn't respond to my DMs on TikTok. I don't respond. I don't do DMs.

So just FYI, if y' all trying to DM me, I'm not that girl. Just like I don't want y' all to be that girl on IG and having random guys DM you. I don't answer dms. And so just FYI, if there are any, because I have a lot of imposter people trying to be me. Avi that are DMing you, please realize that it's not me. I don't do that. If you want to talk to me, then you need to book a consultation call. Because I speak with people that are ready to do dating coaching and relationship coaching. So that is how I talk to potential clients or I'm also here on live. Yeah.

So yes. Honey, I'm not that girl. I'm that woman.

We get to have some fun here. Yeah. Good morning. What man are we talking to besides Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior? Honey, let me know. What's that tea?

What is that tea? What is that tea? What is that tea? What's that tea?

What's the tea, honey? Good morning. Hello.

Good morning. Samantha Marwa said no night tick tock. No, I have client sessions, unfortunately, so I won't be able to have a night time. Daniel said, well, I was just thinking about you. How come? Girl naturally inspired. Said, I'm talking to five men right now. I know that's right, girl. Girl, make it six, girl. Just like rolling the dice, honey.

Janine said you said rally has good men wear and rally girl everywhere. Do you understand? There are so many men from the DMV and from New York that move to North Carolina because they. They're tired of that fast life. They want a wife, they want kids, they want the home, they want everything. And they can't do that in the original places. Yeah, I love that someone said, I just reconnected with a Friend. And it was magical. Can I tell you that one of the things that.

That is so slept on and not talked about a lot is that for those guys, that nothing ever went anywhere but like, nothing was wrong with him. Right.

Potential missed opportunity. I literally with my partner now, we were chatting for a little bit. I wasn't ready. I had to fade away. A couple years later, we reconnected. And now look at us now, honey, I'm as married now. I am a suburban housewife. Not really, but suburban mother of three. Yeah. So, girl, am I saying spin the block? No. But let destiny run Destiny run its course.

Yeah.

Stay fit with Shan Said I missed the night tiktoks but grateful for whenever we get a chat get to chat with you. Thank you, girl. That's so Raven said. Oh, omj. I want to see you when I come into town. All right, girl, I don't know what time that is.

Philip said, is it true that if someone sleeps with you three times in a night, they are. That they're poor?

It's just like Beetlejuice. If you say it three times, he's gonna appear. Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice. So if he's, you know, making it happen three times, girl, you gotta po. No, shade. I don't make the rules. I just abide by them. And I'm the messenger.

Yeah.

That'S. That's just how it is.

Yeah. Why is that? Well, first of all, men that work are tired. Men that work probably can't go that many rounds. So he's either unemployed or underemployed. And most guys that are trying to bang, bang, bang three or more times, they're banging for a place to sleep that night. That's why they're banging. They want to go long so that it's so late that you can't kick them out.

So that's just kind of what it is. I don't make. Again, I don't make the rules. I just abide by them. I am a law abiding love citizen and I hope that you are as well.

Someone said, I just started dating an ex military man.

Girl, I'm sorry for that. For you.

Girl, if he's an ex, he's an ex for a reason. And if he's military, let that man fight his own wars. Not with you.

Yeah. Okay, let me see what's going on here.

Lavio said you helped me thrive in dating. I know that's right. Girl.

The. The easiest way to thrive in dating is not caring.

Most women care too much. They care about men. They care about what how people are seeing them. They care about being coupled. Girl don't give a damn. Like real talk none of this matters I.

But.

I think it's important to make the distinction between needing something and wanting something. You can want all of this the dating, the men, the relationship, the marriage but it's important to understand you don't need it.

Yeah that's just kind of what it is.

Naturally inspired said I've noticed a lot of men in NC yes honey and they got good they got good jobs too. Stay with safe it with chance at volunteering with the hair as well as campaign and the men are there. I was telling a client go to some political campaigns fundraise honey those men give a damn about life about what our granddaughters and grandsons are going to be giving. That's where that's where you need to be finding some of these men honey and help our sister out. Yeah. Okay. Let me see what's uche said and why. I'm tired of doing everything by myself. What kind of guy should I be seeking? Many of them. You're going to need a team.

The thing is and you y' all can start this right now.

A lot of people are looking for a relationship and a man to save themselves from their own life. You get to be your own hero or shero and start creating and setting boundaries and letting other people do things for you without a man or without relationship. I think it's important to understand that that you can whatever is on your to do list you can have other people doing it for you at least half of it. But y' all are too scared to ask for help. Every time I ask a woman what is what is the hardest thing for you to say it's not I love you. It's not I'm sorry.

It is always can you help me or I need some help.

And when I tell you because I am a dating coach for black and brown women that white women have this on lock. I'm not lying to you and this is why I always say I want you to have some of that white woman audacity because you don't have to kill yourself.

You don't have to do everything. It has been modeled to you by your our foremothers, our mothers and our grandmothers because they had to bend over backwards and self sacrifice for everything. But I'm sharing with you that you don't have to do that. You get to choose. You have options. I know it doesn't feel like that but it's actually very true, so I want to offer that to anyone who needs to hear it. Okay. Let me see what the IG girls are talking about.

What are your thoughts about age? How many years difference is okay? For women that are younger than 50, I always say plus 10 years, minus five years. For black and brown women that are over 50, I always say plus five years, minus 10 years. Because most of y' all are young and hard anyway. You're gonna need to be with somebody younger because these old guys are gonna die way before you.

Like, men are just, like, not healthy. I think their average lifespan is closer to 75 now, where women is, like, 80.

So if he's older than you, then please realize the last five years of his life.

Going to be hell. You're going to have to be a hospice wife. That's not cute. Don't do that.

Yeah.

Good. All right.

So let me see what else is going on. Do you have any insights on Eastern European men? Yes, honey.

They are quick to anger, they love hard, and they put it down. Those men are men. They've been through some ish girl communism.

Honey. Yes, honey. They're a commie.

Tif tat said. How do you know if a guy in another country is serious, he comes to see you within six weeks? Four to six weeks. Yeah. Susie Q, thank you so much for all the love grow in the heart me.

Hello, Sisley. Justine.

Ganelli said. What is po? Honey, if I have to explain what po is to you, I don't know if you belong here. No shade. Poison Ivy said amore. Is it.

Okay?

Accidentally said. Gotta have one po boy on roster for that. Oh, I know that's right, girl. I know that's right. Honey. You have to. Honey, if you're not dating, if you're not DEI dating, what are you doing? You gotta have a representation of everybody up in there. You just can't get hooked on to the poor boy, you know, like how, like, you might have a po boy sandwich.

And they're really good, girl. You can't have them every day or you will get sick and die. Same with po boys.

Okay.

Hot Leaf just said. What are three things you should never tell a man? I don't think you should ever tell a man when you're being courted about your healing journey. I don't think that you should go into details about past relationships. You can give overviews, but not details. And then another thing that you shouldn't tell a man is that he can.

Have your poonanny.

Yeah.

Hello. Penny for you said put me in the game, Coach. Greetings. Good.

Shani said, I'm 50 years old and I'm only approached by 20 and 30 year old guys. 40s and 15 men don't pursue me at all. Why is that? I don't think that it's not our job to figure out the why. If you're ever asking me a question why, I already know that you're asking the wrong question.

Why? Because.

It'S not our job to figure out the why. We are not detectives. We're not SVU detectives. Trying to figure out the case or trying to figure out men. Your job is just to honor the what, not the why. And the. And the what is if. Let me see what the question was.

They're approaching you. Great. Let's engage. Let's have fun, let's flirt, let's get our life. We don't have to take it fully seriously, but having action and activity in our dating like is really important for our momentum.

Girl. No shade. You don't really want the 40 and 50 year olds anyway. Right now. They're acting a damn fool.

Okay, all right. Gucci holy water. There's accounts pretending to be you trying to rip people off. I know I talked about that earlier. I don't ask people for money. That would mean that I'm homeless. I'm not homeless. But some of these people that are trying to pretend to be me and ask you for readings that are 20 or $50.

I. I'm never going to ask you for money. I will invite you to apply to work with me, but money, no, that's. That's homeless behavior. That's not me. I'm a rich white woman.

Anyway. Okay, let me see. What, what, what, what you're giving.

Is it true that women should have black cat energy and men a golder golden retriever energy? It's not a question about whether it's true or not. The gag is that most black and brown women are in their masculine energy and are already giving black cat energy. But what's happening is that y' all are trying to go for the Doberman pinschers. You are trying to go for, you know, these rottweilers, because you think that having this hyper toxic masculine man is going to feminize you. And it's not a man's job to feminize you. It's your job to do that. So what happens is when you're with a golden retriever, energetic man, what will happen is you. You'll let. You'll be able to like be reminded of the fun little girl self that will help you get into your feminine energy. That's why the golden retriever is such a good partner for a woman that's in her black cat and no shade girl. If you're a black woman you got black cat naturally get into it.

Yeah.

Anastasia said, you have so much amazing insight. Seriously, you're a genius. Thank you girl. I appreciate that.

Baddie said Miss you fairy godbrother. Have a great Sunday. I will girl. With the Lord as my savior I will.

Shanti Cruz said, would you date a tennis athlete? As someone who has played tennis I would say no. I'm not dating any athletes professional. Those guys are cruze.

Ladies. A lot of ladies think that it's like such a flex to be dating like a.

Like a a professional athlete girl. Do you understand they cheat and they are the prize. You can never be up the prize with a professional athlete. You are always going to be a second class citizen in your relationship.

The other thing is their whole life is about getting better, improving, maximizing and so they will always look to maximize and try to make their partner better. And love is about acceptance so it's really hard to be with an athlete because they're always going to want you better and if you're not better they will find somebody that is.

Yeah. So something to consider as you're thinking about professional athletes.

Tracynda Building 40:40 thank you so much for the heart me.

Apple said how do you self sabotage? This is a very like intense question but I will tell you this. Most of us don't. Most of us self sabotage because we don't believe that we are worthy of the things that life is giving to us.

So this is a self concept issue more than anything else. You have to believe that you're worthy of everything and more like you actually have to believe that you're worth even more than you're worthy of especially if you're a black or brown woman because you have all of these other messages telling you that you're not. So you actually have to overcompensate to get to like a normal level.

Like you. You have to believe it.

How am I successful in my dating coaching? It is because I believe that I'm the best dating coach out there and that I'm triple times better than any white coach out there. You kind of have to give yourself, you have to tell yourself those sorts of things and it feels so bad because that's not how we grow up. We're grow up to be really cute, really mute, really Humble, right? Don't do too much. No, you have to believe that in your, in your heart of hearts. And it's the same with dating as well. I'm worthy of the best man out there. Like.

Even if you're, Even if your girlfriend, your best, your best friend has a man, I'm, I'm worth. Like I deserve a man even better than what she has. Like, you have to have that mentality because what will happen is it will put you on a pedestal. It'll put you on your throne as the queen. Right? So anything less than that, you won't even entertain.

Like, you will think, this isn't, that's not working for me. Like, you won't even engage. You won't even have any sort of love scarcity mindset because you know that you are Harvard. And Harvard doesn't accept everybody. It only accepts the best of the best.

And once we have that mentality, truly in everything that you do, not just dating.

You won't self sabotage because you'll be ready. You'll be ready for the best relationship of your life because you are the highest version of yourself.

You know, like in those really important games like Super Bowls or the NBA finals and the stars really come out and they kill is because they know that they are the best.

And that is. That's their destiny. And nothing can knock them off of their path. So I want to share that with you as well because we have to have that same spirit, that same mentality and dating and in life, especially if you are.

That.

Yeah, I hope that's helpful.

Elle said, I can't find a Democratic campaign. Well, girl, go to a Republican one. No, I'm just kidding.

You might have to go out of state, girl. And that's okay too.

Poison Ivy said amore, is it true men always have the one who got away stuck on in their mind?

Not until they find the next one.

If you are that person, he won't be thinking about that last woman.

Yeah. And by the way, ladies, just FYI, if you're interested in working with me, definitely, you can book a consultation call and we can see if it's a good fit or not. You don't have to if you don't want to. If you don't feel like you're ready for it, only apply if you're ready for dating. Like coaching. Now that's number one. Two, if there's anything that I'm saying that's resonating with you, definitely tap, double tap, triple tap, the scroll, screen, hearts, all of that. Okay.

Anastasia Says, do you do one on ones I do with my VIP clients, yeah.

Sister's youngest girl. Thank you so much for the cloud bread.

Uche said, I asked my siblings and they've been so, so unsupportive. That's the gag. When you start asking people for help, you're actually going to realize who are the. What real relationships you have and which ones don't. Because I already know the people that are in here. Y' all probably give too much anyway. Boundary violation. So when you start to ask, you start to say, oh, this person was never for me to begin with. And then, and this is what happens in my program, you have to let go of a third of your relationships because those people were never it. But please understand that that is a win because you only want to be in relationships that are balanced, that are actually where people are giving more to you than you are giving to them. Not because you are selfish, but because this is what, this is the essence of feminine energy. If you have relationships that you're doing more for them than they're doing for you and their adult relationships, please understand that it's a, it's a, it's a boundary violation and that you're in your masculine.

Elizabeth said, a lot of black men can't help us or see the need to take care of us. Then go to somebody that can.

Girl, no shade. But if he's drowning, he can't save you. He can't, he can't lift you up. I always think about it like this. Think like during the summers, I would always, every day we would go to the pool, even though we could barely swim, no shade, Shout out to the half swimmers out there. And.

We would always see these women that would be kind of suntanning every day, real cute. And.

They were doing them. Now when you talk about black men that can't help you, can't see you. I want you to think that, I want you to understand that most of these black men are drowning for a variety of different reasons, self imposed or societally. Right. That's a word. So think of them as drowning. Some in the deep end, some in the shallow end. Girl, you're on the side of the pool sunbathing. And what we're asking is for men to be able to put some, you know, SPF on you. If they can't do that, it's not your job to dive in, to save them from drowning, to bring them back outside of the pool and to hand them the freaking sunscreen. And many of us are doing that. This is why you always hear me say, I want you to be with men that are built. They have to be built. They can't be drowning.

And most of these men, specifically black men, are drowning. Do I say that with glee? No. I'm a black man. I want all of them to succeed. But I'm not going to lie to you and, and tell you that, oh, my God, all these black men are amazing. They're great. They're relationship ready. They're not. And I get a lot of about it because, you know, people think that I'm trying to kill the black race. I'm. I'm trying to tell you things and share things based on what the data says. I don't care what ESSENCE tells you to do. I don't care what all of these other publications are telling you to do. They are selling you a pipe dream. I need you to understand that there's out of all of the black guys, this black love. There's probably about 2% of black men that are ready for that.

That have done the work, that are successful, that are intelligent.

That have the emotional capacity to have great relationships.

Half of my clients get with black men.

I just make sure that they are getting with healthy black men. And that's what I want for you all as well. Okay, I'm off my soapbox.

Someone said, what about single mom? Such a scary environment out there. Why is it scary?

I don't understand.

The thing about if you. If. If I'm a single mom, I'm taking things super slow and I'm letting these men court me and I'm owning my calendar and making sure that everything is based on my convenience. Just doing that alone will eliminate 90, 95% of the guys out there. What is happening is that.

These men are reminding you that, that you're a woman. I know that sounds really weird, but most. When you're a parent, your identity shifts from woman to parent. And now you identify more with mom than woman. And so I think for a lot of single moms, you're going to have to nurture the woman inside of yourself so that you're not going to be enamored and hypnotized by a man that's doing that.

And once you do that, you'll realize that just because he gives you attention doesn't mean anything.

Stephanie Jordan said, do you have a Chicago sky jersey on? Yes, of course, baby. Angel Reeves for the win.

Come on now. Black women till I die.

Okay, let me see what y' all are talking about.

It's Mirella Love said he didn't make sure if I made it home after we hooked up. But this is, this is something that I want you to evaluate before you hook up with a guy. Does he call you when you get home? Does he walk you to your car? Does he stay with you until the Uber comes? These are all things that we need to be evaluating before we hook up with a guy.

This is important. Yeah. So I chalk that up to, you know, a lesson learned, hopefully.

Let me see what's going on here. Nebby said Houston has the worst dating scene. So it used to be.

It used to be Atlanta. But the gag is this year, a lot of my Atlanta girls have been getting their guy. And Houston has been the struggle beyond all of the gonorrhea, syphilis, HIV outbreaks. Right. Yeah. Houston is starting to take over, and I think it's going to be number one soon.

Yeah.

Someone said Artistry by Chrissy I feel like you attract where you are, ladies. Get that money and you will attract wealthy men. That's not a hundred percent true. I know that we would like to think that, but that's not true. Because what happens for women when you make more money, your talent, your. Your pool shrinks. But when men make more money, their pool expands. And oftentimes those men are, let's just put it in numbers here, going for five, six sevens, because those women will probably give it up quicker. But if you're like an eight or nine in totality, you got everything going on for yourself. The men that are on your level oftentimes won't actually be going for you because they don't need to. They can just get some without doing the work. And most people are wanting to do things based on convenience. So you have a lot of very, like, you know, wealthy women of color out there that are single. I would actually propose that most of them are. Money will not save you here. Money will not help you in dating. It'll distract you from dating because you can just focus on getting more of it, but it won't help you. The thing that I think is important, that I think money does, is it creates a level of security because many of us didn't grow up in very safe and secure environments, financially or otherwise. So it can help you with your level of safety, but it doesn't help you in actually getting into a deeply connected relationship. And the reason that I. Why I say that is when you're striving for money, you are. You're leveling up intellectually and you're probably Leveling up. Physically, you're going. You're probably in oftentimes pretty good shape as well. But emotionally, you. You might still be that 8 year old girl waiting for her dad to come back.

So money can't save that.

Only deeper work can.

So that you're ready to actually be vulnerable.

Let go of the abandonment and neglect wounds that might be permeating.

Having money won't attract a wealthy man.

Having money will allow you to be in spaces where wealthy men are though. So if that is your M.O. go to the F1 racing, go to Art Basel, go to Martha's Vineyard.

But it's not an automatic. I have money, I'm going to get a wealthy man. So I wanted to offer that.

My perspective.

Okay, let me see what y' all are talking about.

Aimster, thank you so much for the rose.

Alexa, Karma said. Hi, Amar, love seeing your videos. Thank you. Girl.

Let me see. I have been. Girl, have you been. Have you been hearing my neo soul this morning?

Yeah. Someone said and of those 2%, 1% want black women. That's true. T. The better a black man is in his life, the less the probability that he will be with a black woman.

And you've seen it on these apps.

Oh, he's a. He's a he. It seems like he has a going on. You know what that response rate will be? Maybe 10%. You know what a response rate will be from a Busta? No shade, 80%.

That's why I like. I'm not. That's not it.

Let me see what else is going on. I don't understand why my. My music is going. Because it really helps me groove.

Girl. What is.

I think the kids are using this Spotify playing on Echo Dot. No.

Patrick, can you tell. Can you tell the kids to stop? Get off of my Spotify, please?

Sa.

Okay, now.

Where was. I.

Mean, ladies.

What's the T?

Someone said, is my man French? I mean, we. We for that. We. We.

All right. Okay, let me see what's going on here.

I gotta.

Okay, let's get this together. Sorry, honey.

Thank you.

All. Like, the girls are gagging. Why are you gagging? So, honey, I can't be a dating coach. Not. Not living the word.

The gag is. And this is what I want to. I want you all to know.

I don't care if you.

I don't care if you have an attitude. I don't care if you're sometimes moody. I don't care if sometimes you're a.

Be that your person is going to love all of that and more. What I love about healthy relationships is that your person is going to love the things that you. You might not like about yourself. That is the sign that, oh, this person's in it to win it.

Yeah, some of. Some of you all. And I'm. This is no shade. This is no judgment. Y' all are trying to be someone that you're not.

To try to be liked more.

One of the beautiful things that. One of the biggest blessings that I've had in my life is.

Being born gay. Some people say I'm. I'm not that, but I've had to. I had to learn very early that I. I couldn't care about what other people thought of me. And it's been a true blessing because then I could live my life authentically and unfortunately support many women out there. They are conditioned and socialized to perform for men. And what I'm letting you know is the performance is done. No more performance. If you're not cute and mute. Don't be cute and mute.

Okay.

All right. With that said, what. What's the question? What's really going on?

What are the questions that we have here, ladies?

Someone said, am I from Chicago? No, but my dad is.

Okay, let me see what's going on. Okay, I'm catching up with my. My ig girl.

Let me see. What are we.

How do you know when a non black guy is being nice or showing interest?

I. I always say that if a non black guy is talking to you for more than two or three minutes, that he's interested and it serves to be true. Men that, like, let's say that are not co workers of yours. Because if you think about your life, how often are you having conversations with non black men? Probably very few and far between.

So if it goes beyond the two to three minute mark, please understand that this guy is into you. If his feet are pointing toward you, it means that he's interested in you. That's why, like, you know, when I was a single girl growing up and trying to get my life, I always knew who was into me based on their feet. I would walk into a room and I would just look at the feet and I knew who I could have and who I couldn't have.

And it's the same for y'. All. This is like body language 101. The feet never lie.

Honey. When I was in the club and it was 1:55am and that club was about to.

That club was about to actually.

Close, and I looked at those feet.

I knew who was who. Was in it to win it.

Yeah.

So that's what I would say to that.

Okay, so.

Let me see what questions y' all have.

Kaya Kazi said, haven't heard from a guy. I'm staying for three days. What should I do? He's got to come back with an apology. He's got to come back with an acknowledgement of the missed time. And he's got to come back with some sort of scheduling of a date, either phone date or physical date. And if he doesn't bring back all of those things, he's out.

Tactics at how to hide a Dysfunctional family from a man.

Why do you feel like you need to hide it? Is the question. You just need to let them know. Yeah, my family's dysfunctional and I've done. I've done all the work to separate myself from that.

Aipuff Said tips on gently rejecting men Well, I need you to understand something. I need you to understand that men take rejection differently than women do. You're thinking that you telling him that you are not feeling it is going to be the end of his world or that he's going to somehow freak the hell out. First of all, if you are feeling in danger with this guy, then you're making the right decision.

I would. I would recommend doing it via text or over the phone. If you are in public, if you are person to person, then this app needs to happen. Like in a public location.

Very short, direct and to the point. Hey, it's been great getting to know you. I'm not feeling a connection anymore, but I want to wish you the best of luck.

That's it. You have to understand this. If you're not feeling it, a man wants to know so he doesn't have to waste his time, energy or money trying to court you. So the earlier the better. 90% of the time you know what he's gonna say. Thanks so much. Have a good one. You think he's going to be devastated because someone rejected you back in the day and you were devastated. So now you're thinking that everyone is going to have the same reaction that you had to your worst rejection and that's not the case. Yeah.

Mona Lisa said, if a guy is bol, he say bol, right? No backseat, no back seats, girl. No back seas.

Skin Ritual said. Did you watch the doctor Brian and Cam interview? If so, what are your thoughts? I saw clips of it and I think she had a similar interview with Nick Cannon.

Here's what I think about one thing, okay? A couple of things that you need to understand, I think that this is relevant for all men, but I think that this is especially relevant for black men.

Black men, for the most part, don't care about marriage. They care about the perception of having a wife and kids because they are trying to impress other men. And the thing that you have to understand is that this is.

Excuse my language, a dick measuring contest between these men. And the more kids that I have, the more of a man that I am. I read a story, I think, in the Washington Post a couple years ago, and they were saying that the new kind of the luxury, the quiet luxury that rich people are having is having more kids.

Before, it was like, you know, the rich families would have one or two kids. And now the flex is having three to four, maybe even five kids.

That is a flex for a lot of these men to have as many.

Kids as possible because it makes them seem like they're more of a man than they really are.

Okay.

Someone said, damn, that's harsh.

I mean, I don't. I'm not trying to be harsh here. I'm trying. I'm trying to really put you all on.

This is about. Yes. This is about legacy. This is about, I'm a bigger and badder man than you are. I got eight kids. How many kids do you have? The kids are like cars.

And.

I think this is an important part of understanding why having a child with a man means nothing.

For the most part. You think I'm about to have his child.

I'm with him. No, he's with himself.

It means nothing. Actually. It means negative something.

So.

Please understand this.

Someone said, happily on my period, honey, I wish that period was a comma. And it kept on going on. So you. We wouldn't. We wouldn't get pregnant with these men, honey.

But this is what's going on here.

The quicker that you know this, the better. A lot of these men are not marrying women because they love them. They are marrying women because they are looking for someone to replace their mothers and cook and clean for them. They are marrying housekeepers and babysitters.

Because they can't do it themselves.

Aaron said, anybody figure out Bol. Bol is a. Is a term that we use in my program that was a former client of mine.

Yeah.

The gag is, though, that they are creating broken families. You cannot have quality time with eight children.

What these men don't understand is that even if they see these children once a week for the entire day, it doesn't equal. I could. I could see a child for 12 hours in one day. But it still doesn't equal on the weekdays being with that child one hour a day.

They don't. They don't understand that.

So anyway.

That'S what I think about that clip.

If you think that I should make a video about this, let me know and I will. But I think it's sad. I think that you have a lot of men that are creating these environments, men that talk about the black family and the black community. Dr. Umar is one of them.

Like, this is a dick measuring contest.

Do not get it twisted.

It is not about you.

And the gag is most of them got big Ds anyway. But what they are trying to do in this society is because they are minimized. They are feminized. They are. Their power and control is taken away from them from a variety of different institutions that these are ways for them to feel like the man that they really do need to feel like.

Okay?

So.

Let's be vigilant, ladies.

Please.

I hope this is helpful. I don't. I don't rebel in this sort of information, but I do think it's important for us to kind of reframe how we think about these things.

Because.

Especially some of the younger ladies.

It is. It's not the look, love. It's not the look.

Someone said, what? Playlist list, Girl, this is my neo soul playlist.

TJ Said, that's why I love you. Always the best advice. Thank you. TT said, lately I've been wanting to remain childless and not married, especially because I'm a therapist. Astrid said, Mr. Amore, I wish you would have answered my question. Well, you have to let me know what it is. I have 900 people here and another 200 people in IJ. So, ladies, if you're new here, please understand, I. When I see the question, I answer it. I try my best, but sometimes they get skipped. So just put it back in there. Okay? It's no shade.

Yeah. Okay, what are the questions? Thoughts on dating after 60.

So, ladies, you're gonna have to ask them about retirement directly. You're gonna have to ask them about their health. Like, first date. Let's not mince words. Not. Let's not be cute. What's going on here?

Because a lot of these men have a lot of health issues and they're looking for a nurse before they die. Don't be that, girl. You should be traveling the world without very healthy man. One of your dates needs to be a walking date or something active and see how he does it. You'd be surprised how much these guys Are huffing and puffing and can't even go on a 15 minute walk with you.

Okay.

Frequently flyer nurse said, I went back to your tips and it's all working again. Great. Okay. Someone asked about is it smart to get into a friends with benefits? Well, here's what I know. 80% of the women out there.

Can't handle friends with benefits. And you're gonna have to be very real with yourself if you are a woman who can. Who doesn't get chemically bonded to a man with sex. So this is like something that is very important that you're going to have to know about yourself. And you're gonna have to be honest.

Most women can't do it.

Yeah.

It really depends on your actual.

Oops, I lost my thing. And if you can handle it or not.

Okay, let me see what else is going on.

Okay. Oh my gosh. Yeah, exactly. Sweet. J. So what's the benefit? If he's getting it in and he's. And he's orgasming most of the time, y' all are not even orgasming. So you're not benefiting from anything.

You're just getting got.

So I think what you are looking for is attention.

And you can get attention in a variety of other ways.

What will happen is you will get chemically bonded to a man. You will start to have feelings from him for him. He. You will want more. He will always want what he always wanted, which was the punani. There are no friends with friends with benefits. There are only partners. Sexual partners. That's it. You're not a friend.

That nomenclature is a lie.

Why? Because a man.

Having sex with a woman, knowing that most women. Women, their highest purpose is relationships.

He. He's already disrespecting you.

He already. He already knows what the deal is and he already knows how you will get at some point.

A friend doesn't do that.

Let me see what's going on here.

I'm trying to see if there's. What are. Where are the questions on IG Best US cities for dating. I have a lot of videos about that. I love the DMV area. Not DC proper, but like Maryland and northern Virginia specifically. I love North Carolina. Those are men that want to settle down. And then my mid cities are Chicago suburbs.

New York as well. It takes a little bit of time, but there's still some great guys there.

I'm trying to think.

Yeah, those are my mid cities.

Okay.

Caviar, celestial say and where you are preaching this Sunday? Thank you. I try. Girl, it is Sunday. You Know, that's. That's our. That's our big preacher day.

Let me see what's going on here.

Someone said I'm a terrible flirt. How can I improve my flirting game?

I know this sounds really weird, but.

Sometimes we're not great flirts because we care too much about what the other side is doing or thinking or anything like that. And one of the things that I think is important is.

You'Re going to have to not care. You're going to have to not care what people are thinking or saying. The important part of flirting is, I think, making sure that people.

Hold on one second.

Girl. These kids were still on. Alexa, if they don't go somewhere, I'm about to tell them to go outside in a second.

Honey. Yes. Dad and mom mode was activated. Girl.

Had to get. How to get them together. Honey. Yes, I had to get them together. Girl had to get them together.

Someone said, I felt in trouble. You are. You are in trouble. Dominique said, you have kids? Yes, I have three. Right. As a black man who has three kids, you know what happens, Honey, you know why I know all that tea is because anytime we go to any sort of gay area and I have my three kids, I look at all these other gay guys and I said, you can't do what I do. That's why I know that.

Yeah.

Okay.

Okay. Let me see what y' all are asking about.

Millionaire Face said, what's your zodiac? I'm a cancer. I'm a cancer. I'm sensitive about my.

Okay, what are the questions? Sienna said, you have biological. Yes, ma'. Am. Yes, honey, yes. Biological, straight from my belly. No, they're being a surrogacy, but they're biologically mine and my partner's.

So the twins are biologically connected to me, and then our third child, who is six, is biologically connected to my partner. That's how we do it. So, yes, honey, I have a white child. How do I know about all of this? You know, white woman audacity? Because my youngest one shows me each and every day.

Book recommendations.

All about Love by bell hooks.

If you're a black woman and you haven't read this book, why are you on here with me right now? The only excuse that I would take if you haven't read this book is because you don't know how to read. Otherwise, you need to read this book. Okay.

Let me see.

This book is probably the best explanation of masculine and feminine energy.

Getting to I Do. By Dr. Patricia Allen. This book has the best explanation. I'm. I'M actually going to. I'm writing my book right now. But, like, I'm going to expand upon this definition that she gives her masculine and feminine energy, which is especially important for black and brown women.

So that is.

Someone said, even if you don't want to get married, this book is not about getting married. This book is about understanding your partner.

Let me see.

Obviously, boundaries, because if you're a black or brown woman, you don't have any. So you'll need to understand everything about boundaries. Okay, so this is Set Boundaries Find Peace by Nedra. Clever tawab. She's. She's letting the girls have it. Okay.

If you're a dork.

Hashtag nerdgirl. There are two books, actually. Yeah, two books that I love. Men Chase, Women Choose. This is all about the science, biology and chemistry of dating.

And this is by Don Maslar.

This is really good so you understand what's really happening because a lot of you all are taking all of this shit to heart, and it's really just biological and chemical. Okay, let me put that one back. And then this is why men marry some women and not others. This is. This is all like, the stats and mathematical parts. For example, if all of a guy's friends are married, the probability that he will be ready for marriage is significantly higher. Another statistic that I got out of this book that really spoke to me is that for uneducated men, the average age of marriage is 26. For educated men, the age is 32. That is for bachelor's level. Master's level is closer to 35. Right. So you want statistics. You'll see some of the. Some highlighted pieces because she likes to highlight not just her hair, but her books as well. Those are really good books. I'm trying to think of anything else that I love because I. I have all my books here. If you want to do more calling in manifestation work.

Calling in the One is a pretty good book by Katherine Woodward. Thomas gives you a lot of mind, mind exercises, spirit exercises, so that you're spiritually aligned with. With the love of your life.

So.

This is a really good book, too.

Trying to think.

Those are my favorite.

If you are looking for, let's say, like, you have no game.

Like you have no game outside.

Offline dating method. This is a cute one by Camille Virginia. She lets the girls have it, right? Oh, here's, you know, okay, he's. He's here. This is how you hold space for silence.

Rule 4. Or, you know, the secret smile. Right? That's cute. For those girls. If you don't have much game. No shade. No shade. No shade.

Okay. Hopefully that's helpful.

Yeah.

Okay. Let me put this back.

Maybe I'll do a video on that as well. And obviously, my book. You guys are gonna have to let me know what I should title my book.

Yeah. Because, you know, titles. Titles are what they are.

Okay. What other questions do we have?

You'd love to hear more about my book. Well, I'm writing it right now. It has nine chapters. Currently.

It is. It's really focused on women of color, Black women, dating. Someone said the title of your podcast. It's called the get yout Guy Coaching Podcast. My book is about how to navigate dating.

As a black woman in the modern day. Because there isn't a dating book for black women.

A lot of the advice is for white women or general advice. And black women have specific challenges. So I navigate. I help to navigate those challenges.

Which I think is important. So, I mean, I want to spill all the tea. So we're talking about Nigerian men. We're talking about interracial dating. We're talking about hairstyles to get a certain kind of man. All of that.

Okay.

All of that. I know we're getting a book tour, so please come to Miami. I don't know, girl. I think Atlanta is the closest that I'll go. I think my tour will be in New York, D.C. atlanta, Chicago, Houston, and LA.

So my idea is. I don't know if you guys saw that Sex and the City when she was doing her book. So I would speak about my book, and then afterward, we would just go out and have fun and get guys numbers.

So that's my plan for my book tour.

Yeah.

Len Lynn said hairstyles to get a certain kind of guy. Yes, there are certain hairstyles. And I think most black women might know this, that if you do have it, you're going to attract a certain kind of guy, whether it be Hispanic, black, what have you.

Someone said, come to Fort Lauderdale. We're more civilized up here. That was a Miami read.

Yeah. Okay.

What are the questions that we have here? Tips on flirting with white men. The gag is that flirting like.

You, it won't seem like these guys are flirting. They're just gonna talk to you, and you're gonna think, oh, my God, we're just having a cute little neighborly conversation. But that's flirting to them. So one of the ways to let a white man know that you're interested is definitely with touch. Right. And you actually might have to be a bit more Formal than you. Forward. More forward than you normally would be. So letting them know, oh, my God, are you. Are you trying to flirt with me?

Right?

That stuff. That kind of thing. Please speak more on the hairstyle. Okay? If you have natural hair or an afro, then the white guys are into it. Girl.

If you. Someone said, I have locks, and men from other races love me. I get shy and freeze up. Don't freeze up, girl. Girl, use those locks like Medusa would, girl, and freeze these men up, you hear?

Give me. Give me Samson and bring that power from your hair into your whole being, girl.

Yeah, if you got an Afro, girl, if you got, like, short, natural hair, those white men are on you. Like, white on you.

The Latino men, they like a. A long kind of loose, curly weave or wig. So if you have that, the Latino men are on it. Girl.

Black men, they love a. They love a long weave, generally. Yeah.

Okay, let me see what you're talking about.

Yeah, okay, let me see.

Okay.

Me see what y' all are talking about.

Braids. If you got a little new growth, girl, that is a. A white man's catnip, girl.

I say all this to let you all know that you have control of. Of your love life and who you attract just by how you do your hair.

Girl, that white man, he sees a little bit of new growth, and he says, oh, she's mine.

Okay. Oh, my goodness. Y'. All. Too much. Too, too much.

Yeah.

Okay, I think I'm gonna go soon. Any last kind of questions for me before we hit it? And by the way, definitely, if you're ready for some dating coaching book consultation, call. The link is in my bio. We'll figure out if it's a fit or not. We'll figure out if you know you're ready for this or not, if you're coachable, if I can help you. And we'll go from there. No pressure. Okay.

Read with Reed. I have a big crush on a co worker. What should I do? Nothing. He's got to do everything.

He's got to do everything.

Focus on your work. Get a promotion.

That's what I want you to do.

If he starts coming to you often, right? Please know that he's probably interested in you. What I'm looking for in a, like, a crush at work is if he's inviting you out for lunch, right?

Love cupcake set. Why do guys show off their wealth and not expect women to ask them for things? Because that has been attractive to women, and they want to attract women.

I think this is such a Great question. Because.

You'Re thinking that they want. Most men want to satisfy women and most men want to satisfy themselves. And by attracting women, they satisfy their egos and their self concept. You're thinking, oh, just because he has money, he wants to give things to you. No, not necessarily. He just wants to attract you.

Yeah.

What about a shy, nerdy guy that asks you out but then flaked on the first date? He's out.

He's out.

D. Watson said, why though? Why do they like certain hair? I think I'm gonna have to do another. A video on this.

Well, I'll have to do a video on the certain kinds of hair that attract certain kinds of guys. And.

Why.

Yeah.

But this is why I always tell my clients, you want to focus on two hairstyles that represent 80% of your look. Because I know some of y' all changing your hair up every week, no shade. But honey, he can't date 20 different women. He wants to figure out what it's going to look like most of time. The. The time.

Yeah.

So that would be something that I would recommend for you all as well. Focus on the two hairstyles that represent the majority of your look.

Let it, let it snow. Said I change my wigs almost every day.

Mm.

All right, my loves.

Please, please, please, please, please go out today, talk to some men.

Will you? Also on Tick Tock, can you get me up to 100k and likes before we go? Tap, double tap, triple tap the screen so we can. I think it's my.

ADHD ocd.

I need, like, order.

Yeah. Okay. We're almost there. Okay, great. Okay, so good. All right, thank you for joining me. I hope that y' all had fun today and I hope that we learned something. I'm gonna do a video probably tomorrow about.

Men and children and marriage.

Because I think that that was really helpful for many of you all. So I'll definitely do that and we'll, we'll, we'll go from there. Alrighty. Alright. Be well, my loves. Bye. By.