Dating Q & A 10-08-24

Hello, hello, hello. I'm trying to get my IG all situated. Y'. All, Please be patient.

It's like I forgot how to do this mess.

I hope everyone is doing well. Welcome, welcome, welcome.

There you go.

Like, what is really going on?

Hello, hello, hello, ladies. Welcome, welcome, welcome. I hope everyone is doing well. Hello, CEO Alicia. Hello, ladies. Hi.

Hello, hello, hello. What's Tea. What's really going on? I hope everyone is doing well. Now that. For those of you that don't know me, my name is Coach Anwar. I am a dating coach for black and brown women. And I'm here to get your love lives together, girl. Because you know what? I'm really tired of them not together. And so my mission.

Is to help get these love lives in order. Honey, let's get them in order, because a lot of them have been out of order. So I'm here to help however I can. Yeah. That's why I come on to these lives. Yes, My name is Coach Anwar, but many people call me their fairy godbrother. And so if that is what I am to you, then I happily accept. Okay.

Hello, hello. Hello, everyone. Hello, mk. Hello. Dion Willow, wild wit, city gal. Sip and tea. Melody, Shayla, Renee.

Yeah. Let me see what the girls are talking about. Just FYI, if you're new here, please understand that I'm here. I'm going to answer your questions about love, dating, relationships, men or women. We're very inclusive here. Yeah. And hopefully we can take one step forward.

Yeah. On your dating life. On your dating journey. Okay, let me see what the IG girls are talking about.

Daily said, thank you for your good work, girl. No problem. Alexis said, where should Christian women meet men? Don't meet them in the church, girl. Don't meet him in the church. Why?

I say that because a lot of the men in the church are a little bit sheltered and a little bit socially inept and are not as experienced. I always tell ladies that I want you to experience men that are living the Word, and oftentimes you'll find those men volunteering. Okay? So definitely want. Want to make sure that. Oops.

Want to make sure that you do volunteering so that you know you're getting your Mother Teresa on and you're finding men that are living by the word at the same time. It's a two for one girl. We love a good. We love a good deal.

Yeah. Good. Scorpio said, I need a man, girl. Don't we all? Last saw the girls online. Now they're going for the gay guys. Like the out gay guys. The lavender marriages don't do that, girl. No shade. Girl. That's weird. Let's find you a straight man. Yeah.

Okay, let me see what the T is.

Someone said, should I go on a date? He's already talking about kissing me and stuff. I already told him I'm Deming.

So first of all, if he's talking about kissing you already.

That'S a violation of your boundaries. He should not be saying those things to you. Don't let men get sexual with you, like, at all. Like you want them to treat you with white gloves. So the fact that he's comfortable with saying these things about kissing you lets me know that we haven't set those boundaries. So I would first say, you know what you talking about kissing me, although you're probably meaning it as a compliment, actually makes me feel really uncomfortable.

And see how he responds to that.

Poison. I say, hey, can I find a man, my man during this hurricane? Girl, I don't know. I wouldn't risk it. Girl, I wouldn't risk it. No shade.

Hello, all my girls from London that are up late trying to get your life. What's that? Skin looks amazing. Thank you. You know what it is? It is.

Peace. It's water. It's sleep.

And sex. Shh.

Someone said and where they need you on Love is Blind. I just did a podcast for episode with two black girls and one rose. So definitely check that out. That's in my stories. We talk all about Love is Blind because they forced me to watch all the first six episodes of the most recent season. I never watch that show. You have to understand that I do this all day, every day. So when I do watch tv, it has to be so outside of the love and dating realm and it has to be extra messy. Like Love is Blind is messy, but it's not extra messy. Like I watch like my 600 pound life. I watch 90 Day Fiance. I need to gag when I'm watching TV. So I don't know if you're like me, honey, but like, love is Blind.

It's weird to me.

Anyway, let me see what y' all are talking about up in here.

Bon Salonina Sabah. And thank you all so much for the somebody. Thank you for the heart me and thank you so much for all these, like, icons. I appreciate that y' all throwing.01 cents at me.

Y' all don't need to do that if you don't want to. But I do appreciate the fact that you're showing love means a lot to me and thank you all so much for the almost 12, 000 likes already. If there's anything that I say that resonates with me or with you, definitely tap, double tap, triple tap the screens. Okay. It's Natalie Jean Said. What do you think about dating apps? I actually just did an interview today with Sloane Slate magazine about dating apps. The apps are not apping. The apps are good, but I really want us to lean outside a little bit more, especially in the month of October and especially for the.

The girls, where it's going to be a little bit colder in about a month. You want to maximize this month and you want to be outside.

Okay, here's the gag. October, you're outside. November, you're inside apping. December, you're not on the apps at all. And you're wrapping up Q4, and you are spending time with family and friends. We do not go on apps in December. Not in my program.

Someone said, loved your episode on Horrible Decisions. Thank you so much. Appreciate that. Yeah, that was fun.

Goddess steps. Thank you so much for the heart. Me.

How do I meet men if I don't want to get on the apps? You have to go outside.

You need to be going outside two to three times a week. Now the girls are gonna gag. Oh, my God. Three times. Okay, then do it twice, girl. Nobody's forcing you. So what does it look like? I was just talking about this in the interview. So you want to do something that already aligns with your passions and hobbies. That's one place that you can go to. Another place is you need a regular place. In my program, we call it your cheers place where everybody knows your name. You need to go there, and then you need to go to a place where you're on the hunt.

Where you're looking for some meat. Right? Those are the three kind of places you want to go every week.

Nasika said, what are a few ways to bring spark back? So talk to me about what spark has been lost first, girl, and then I can help you get that spark back. Rich session said, one year and no proposal. Should I stand on business and leave? No, girl, no.

Here's what you do. And I was just having this conversation with some of my relationship ladies because on Monday nights, it's my relationship group. So here's the gag. Okay. Are you ready? The holiday season is the perfect time to talk about your next milestones and next steps in your relationship, because everyone is going to be so open to be talking about it. We're going to feel very nostalgic. We're Going to be feeling very open. So this is where you would be like, you know, let's say it's between Christmas and New Year's. On New Year's Eve you want to talk about, or even on New Year's Day you want to say, oh, my God, what an amazing year 2025 is going to be. We definitely have to talk about, you know, where our relationship is going to be in 2025. Okay.

And then you let him know. You are going to have to let him know, yeah, I would love to be engaged next year or this upcoming year. And let him sit with that, let him marinate on that for a little bit. Because the thing about, like engagement and marriage and things like that is that they're going to need a good six to nine months to make it happen. In my program, we lay the seed at the 12 month mark. We revisit it every quarter until we're at the 18 month mark. Okay. And then we let him do what he needs to do. Okay, I hope that's helpful. Pat Rice, thank you so much for the rose.

FP said any advice to not overthink. So I always, when someone says I'm overthinking, I always hear it as I'm under feeling. So actually, even the process of you grounding yourself by labeling your feelings is going to be really important in every situation that you're in. What happens is that a lot of us have been leaning on this so much because it's helped us in life and in our professional careers that we think that it's going to help us romantically and it actually hurts you. It works against you. You have to feel through this shit, ladies. You can't just like think through it. If you think through it, your mind is going to play tricks on you because the chemicals are messing with your brain. Love is a chemical. It messes up how your brain computes and makes decisions. So you can't use your brain in love. You have to use your heart. You have to use your emotions. So label your feelings. Also doing lots of breathing. The funny thing is that us as black people, we really don't actually breathe deeply because our nervous systems are oftentimes at such a high alert that we're actually breathing like this, like panting like dogs, girl. So actually deep, like deeply breathing will help you to allow yourself to sit into your body and calm yourself and your nervous system to allow yourself to check in and figure out what am I actually feeling feeling right now? Yeah.

Coochie grip. First of all, name is out of Control. Go to bed, girl. I had a date today and he stood me up. Should I call him to see why? No. First of all, we don't call men.

The next time that you're in the courtship and you want to call a man, I want you to think of yourself as a telemarketer.

Because that's what you're doing. You're telemarketing.

Don't ever call a man while he's courting you. Let him pursue you. Look, he stood you up.

Give him a day. Give him a day to see if there was an emergency of some sort of.

But we probably are going to cut him off. Ladies don't telemarket. Okay? Okay. So I said, yeah, because just because you go to church doesn't mean you're a good partner. Girl. Most of these church boys, no shade. I've had them and no shade. They're not good.

In the bedroom. And sometimes outside of the bedroom, especially the pastors. But I don't need to get into that.

Zhang to said, when he's in my city, he hangs out with me every day. But when he leaves, it's minimal contact.

What does that mean? That means you're Disneyland. That means that you're a fantasy and it's not real. So you actually need to cut him off. He doesn't get to ride your rides and then forget like he's never been there before.

Okay, I'm sharing this with you and I'm putting in these terms so that you understand exactly how he is experiencing you. I am not saying this to be harsh. I'm not saying that. I'm not saying this to hurt anyone's feelings. This is coming from a place of love and respect. Why? Because.

And I talk about this a lot. I want you to focus on the BDB and. No, I didn't say the bdb.