Dating Q & A - 10-15-24

Please welcome, welcome, welcome. Good to see you all. Welcome, welcome, welcome. Hello, hello, hello. Good to see everyone. Happy Tuesday. Tea. Are you Tuesday? Ching. How's the week been starting off for you ladies? I hope. Good. Now, I gotta let you know, we're gonna get into it tonight. We're gonna talk all about dating and love and relationships and men or women. Up to you. Yeah. For those of you that don't know me, my name is Coach Anwar. I'm a dating coach for black and brown women. I help them get into the best relationships of their life. I help them date with strategy. I help them heal their hearts. I help them really focus on getting into the best relationship of their lives and making sure that they are the women that are ready for the best relationship of their lives. Yeah. So if you're new here, ask your questions, put them in the chat, and I will answer them in the order that I see them. You may want to put your questions in early because once it actually gets popping up in here, they're going to be, you know, more than a thousand women in here. So it's going to be hard for me to actually answer every question. Okay.

If there's anything that I say in this live that you feel like, oh, my God, that's a gem he's spilling. Definitely tap the screen. Double tap, triple tap. Give me hearts. Give it all, girl. I need to know what's tea, what's good?

Because guess what? At the end of the day, what we do is we cut these clips and we put them on YouTube. We also put each and every one of our lives on my YouTube channel, dating coach Anwar. Okay. All right. With that said, let me see what the girls are talking about. What's really going on, girl, because, honey, it's crazy out there. It really is. It really is. Are y' all dating? Are y' all at home watching Netflix? Doordashing.

What are we doing, honey? What are we doing? Hey, beautiful. 567. Hey, Barbie. The baddest. Hey, Mika.

Rihanna said, and why you are the go for dating advice. Thank you. Dustin said. Hi, fairy godbrother. Hey, girl. Hey, Latrice. She said, love you and war. My favorite dating coach ever, ever, ever. Thank you, girl. Hi. Uche. Naya said, do you only advise for non black women? Do you mean, do I only advise for black women? I work with all kinds of women, but my coaching is really focused on the black and brown women's experience. Yeah. So someone said, I'm at home watching Grey's Anatomy on Netflix. Oh, girl, don't Be that girl. Don't be that girl. Okay, okay. Let me see what you're giving, honey. Let me see what the ladies are giving. Someone said, hey, King, I feel like you misgendered me.

I'm a queen, and I want all my ladies to be queens. Yeah. Poison IV said. Is it true, though? Maybe the. The life. The love of your life will meet you at your worst. No, it's not. It's not true at all. Someone said, thank you for focusing on us a hundred percent. Do it like Leila said. I need to talk to you so bad. Book a consultation, by the way, if you want to work with me. Definitely. Definitely book a consultation call so we can see if it's a good fit. Because, honey, we're letting the ladies in. And I want to let you know.

I'm probably not going to be taking any more clients.

By the 1st of December, because I will tell you right now, the Olympics of dating are in the first three weeks of January, and I have to get all of my clients ready for that in the first half of December because I take the second half of December off. Okay.

Okay. Barbie the baddest said, I broke up with my ex, and he responds, but doesn't ever text first. I love him, but feel he's over me. No, he probably just doesn't have the skills. If you say that you broke up with your ex, you should be blocking your exes. Ladies, if you don't, you literally will have people that you don't want to be with having access to you. It is the same as if you were living in a sketchy area where with no windows and no doors. Girl, it's unsafe. Don't do it. Okay, okay. I. I have a little Neo soul in the background, but let me know. Ladies, do we want some Neo soul or do we want some R and B in the comments? Let me know what we're. What we're feeling, what we're giving, and we'll go from there. Right now, I have Neo soul, but I can definitely put on the R and B. Girl. This is what the girls are giving. Okay, Y' all are not helping me because I literally. Okay. I'm seeing more R B. All right.

All right. Oh, my God. Now the Neo souls are coming in. We'll do a little bit of R B. We'll do a little bit of Neo soul.

Yeah.

Okay.

Very cool. Tyler said, my favorite time of the night. Clock in, ladies. I know that's right, girl. I know that's right. J Real said or why do black Dads be acting like they their daughter's man.

Yeah, it's weird.

Is really weird. A lot of parents don't know how to be parents, and so they take on these. These quasi, pseudo surrogate relationships with their children that are completely unhealthy. So, for example, you know, there are a lot of single mothers out there and they will be calling their sons king. And, you know, daddy and all of this other stuff don't do.

And you know, daddy and all of this other stuff don't do that.

Oh, by the way, this is kombucha. I'm on my health tip. I am a vegan, rich white woman who only drinks.

Oh, by the way, this is kombucha. I'm on my health tab. I am a vegan, rich white woman who only drinks kombucha and wears Lululemon. I'm that girl. No, I'm just kidding. I have to do this because TikTok will think that it's like alcohol or something, but it's really just kombucha. So you gotta let the girls know.

Right? Okay.

Okay.

Becoming nadira, said Anwar, where should I go to lunch tomorrow to find me a man? Which restaurant and what time? Anybody can answer this question. Girl, you're not gonna find a man going to lunch.

It doesn't. That's the thing, ladies. It's not like all of the great guys are in one restaurant or in one room. You can literally meet amazing men anywhere you go. But you got to talk to somebody, you, literally, most of you all, and let me know if I'm lying. If I'm lying, I'm dying, you're out, and then you're playing cute and mute.

Nobody's going to get any man like that.

Girl. I could go to the post office and get somebody. It doesn't matter where. It's about who you are and what you're giving, what energy you're bringing to this space that you inhabit.

Okay? I'm serious. You can go anywhere, girl.

But I will tell you this.

The guy, most of the guys that will actually approach you are not going to be relationship ready. They are the guys that approach you in the real world, in real life. They're hunting you. They are thinking of you as prey. And so a lot of women think like, oh, my God, it's such a flex for people to, like, pick me up. No, most of the time, a lot of men will pick up women that they feel like they can get the easiest women. So that's why, for example, and this is no shade Ladies, you know when you're looking a hot ass mess and then you get all this attention, it's because they think that you are easy prey. I don't take those guys seriously that try to get your number like when you're shopping for groceries or getting gas or doing everyday things. Because for most men it is a game. It is how many, how many numbers can I get a day? And you know what they do at the end of the, they're getting six or seven numbers a day and at the end of the week they have 50 numbers and they go down the line and they just try to sleep with each and every person that they have in their list. I'm trying to put you on on game here because a lot of the girls are like feeling really good about these guys that are getting their number and things like that, but it doesn't mean a goddamn thing.

I mean, I don't know. I don't know what to tell you, y'. All.

So how do I think about this? I think about this as you want to meet men in.

What I call velvet rope spaces. Places where not everybody can get into.

Right. Whether it is a physical barrier, a mental barrier, an emotional barrier. Skay said Anwar, you need a podcast. I have a podcast, girl. It's one of the top relationship podcasts in, in the US and in the world. It's called the get your guy coaching podcast. Check it out. Check it out. Yeah.

So what does that look like? What is a velvet rope space? Well, it's not Walmart.

I don't care how low those prices are, girls. We're not going to be picking up guys at Walmart.

Everyday low prices. Everyday low men. No shade. No shade.

So velvet rope spaces.

Museums. A lot of people are intimidated by museums. So you might want to go to a museum. You might want to go to an up. More like an upscale grocery store, like a Whole Foods or even like a Trader Joe's.

You may want to go to.

Maybe I'm so so on. Like luxury malls. So for example, if you're in Atlanta, even though Lenox has an upscale mall.

Lenox mall is wild.

If they have security guards that are checking if you have guns or not. This is not a place where you want to meet a man.

Now.

Some people are saying target.

Some targets in the nice areas. No shade.

You know, you know the good targets from the not so good targets.

Wegmans. Yeah.

Auctions. We like that.

Someone's at the library.

No.

No.

Why do I say that? A man that is about his business is not going to be in the library.

Girl. He has the Internet. He has the World wide web. Why would he be in the library?

Conferences. Yes. I'm going to be at Afro Tech in Houston in a month. Be there, be square.

Someone said Home Depot.

Most of those guys are married and if they're not married, okay. If I were to go to Home Depot, you know when I would go, I would go on a Friday night. I would go on a Friday night because that is when guys that have just purchased their new homes are going to be doing, getting materials for.

Small renovations and upkeep over the weekend.

Yeah. So that's what, that's when I would go to like a Home Depot or Lowe's. When would I go to the grocery store? Saturday morning or Sunday morning?

Why? That's when the guys are, that's when they're doing, getting all their stuff for the meal prep for the next week.

Yeah.

Okay. Someone said the gym. Yes, yes. The gem Good gems.

Up upper. Luxury gems. Okay.

Someone said luxury hotel. Kind of the last thing that you want to do, girl. And this is no shade. Yes. Pickleball. You don't want to be that girl at the bar at a high end hotel because you know what, that role is played out and most of the, most of the guys that are in those hotels are traveling for work and have a wife at home. And when you're, when you're at the bar by yourself in one of those hotel lounges or bars.

The men are going to look at you like a prostitute. Because a lot of prostitutes rock that. That's their territory, girl. That's their block.

Okay?

Yeah. Someone said hookah. Hookah. Do you know the men that are at hookah lounges? Those men are hookers.

Yeah.

Yeah. Okay. All right.

Ivan said, you are so brilliant, girl. I'm just trying to tell the tea.

Nana said, anwar, you are godsent for black women. We love you. Thank you, girl. Appreciate you.

Kyla said, can we talk about how amazing your skin is, girl? Part of it is this filter, this online filter, girl. No shade, girl. I'm not having the best skin week. I need more moisturizer. Airport loungers is cute. Okay, let's get into some more questions. Okay? Because again, like I said before originally, you can go to these places, but if you're cute and mute it, it doesn't matter, girl.

Yeah, you got to be able to.

Give queen energy anywhere you go.

Okay.

Kira said, if you're getting a PhD, hang out by the law books in the library. Honey. If I, if you're at the university and you're getting your grad degree. Or even if you're getting your undergrad degree. No, shade. You need to be at the law school parties. You need to be at the business school parties. And you need to be at the public policy and public administration parties or public policy international policy parties. Okay? And you need to be at the engineering and computer science labs and buildings. Okay? Okay. What questions do you have for me?

Someone said, I wish I could redo college. Honey, if you're a black woman, if you're a brown woman and you're in college, you better study abroad.

Okay. You better study abroad.

Okay? TJ said, do you have a man? Girl, I'm married with kids. I'm married with children, girl. Yeah, I'm giving Al Bundy realness. Honey, she's married. She's married. And take advice from someone who is married and who's had a long lasting marriage. Someone who has two rings.

And not just a mood ring. No, shade.

Yeah, because I have a. There's a lot of tarot people trying to get into this relationship space.

I do this because that's literally what they do, girl. They like double Dutch to try to give you to coach you.

I'm like, what are we doing?

Someone asked, why do. You said, why study abroad? Because. Because black women need to know that.

When you are outside of the US.

People are checking for you at a 10x rate. If you study abroad in Europe, you will have five boyfriends at one time.

For all those late bloomers. And most of us are pretty late or later.

You'll need to gain more experience dating.

Yeah, five boyfriends, Honey, that's what I did. That's why I'm fluent in six languages.

Honey, the Italians will die. Live for you and die for you.

The Englishman, a third of them are in interracial relationships. The Frenchman. Honey, the. They love everything, girl. No, shade.

I would say the Germans, girl, they're making up for a bad history, girl. So they, they lean in more into the black women than they need to. Yeah.

So yeah, honey, you need to. You need to act like you're that show 90 Day Fiance.

Okay. Oh my God. Smiley face said I didn't listen and fell for a light skinned ex military pretty boy. I was down bad. He put zero effort. Girl, you are literally going against every advice that I've ever given online. Light skin is a no.

If it's light, it ain't right. Ex military. Girl, you're probably in a war, pretty boy. Probably was ugly to you and Made you feel ugly. Yeah.

Black Heart said, how do you talk to the men, though? You talk to them like little boys.

You talk to them in the same way that you would talk to your little brother.

You talk to them as if they are annoying.

Yeah. Someone said, are you donating to my study abroad? No, girl, that's. That's what FAFSA's for.

She handized. Said, my sis married an Italian girl when I was down there. I almost married, too.

Okay?

So, okay, let me see what y' all are talking about.

Someone said, not, are you donating, girl.

I mean, that FAFSA saved my life. I probably wouldn't have had half a social life without that FAFSA girl. Let me know I'm not alone. Someone said, not the tarot girls catching astray. Yeah, the tarot girls are going to catch a stray. You know why? Because I'm tired of these girls on TikTok and on IG talking about, if you see 1, 1, 1 on the clock, then he's the one for you. If you see, you know, two, two, two, then you two are meant together. If you know, if he's. If you see 888, then it means that he's gonna. He's gonna eat it. That he ate it.

Girl, I'm tired of it. I'm tired of the tarot girls.

I'm tired of them saying, if you. If. If you see 4, 4, 4, then you are all for each other.

Stop.

The king of pentacles can eat my pentacles.

Someone said, guilty.

Tired of it. Stop. Girls, I trust Raven when she put on that costume as a psychic more than these girls online.

Call me now.

444. He's about to be right at your door.

Honey, those girls are giving Dr. Seuss and I cannot. Yes, honey, Miss Tallulah Girl. Miss Cleo Realness.

Okay, what are the questions?

Plus size dating tips. Should we approach men? I never say that women should approach men. What I do say, though, is that you want to position yourself well.

So that you can start a conversation or at least give a direct, you know, line so that you can give eye life and a smile. Every guy I'm seeing, it's this little bit of smize, like Tyra Tatas in America's Next Top Model. A smile and a little tilt and then I look away.

Yeah, I do that a couple of times. And if he hasn't approached after I've done that two or three times, then no shade. Girl, he's probably gay.

No, no, this is what you need to do right? It's not about approaching men. It's about. Because a lot of girls are really scared of rejection and it's not about that these guys are going to reject you. If their feet, if their feet are pointing towards you, pretend like this is his foot and it's just like this. Let's say he has two feet. If his feet are like this toward you, it means that he's interested in you, okay?

If his feet are pointed like this, that means he's interested in you. Another lady. So girl, you gotta beat that other lady to him. Girl, you in competition, okay? And if his feet are like this, girl, then he needs to go to an orthopedic surgeon.

You hear me, girl?

All right, what else is going on?

Someone said, and where US 30s are down bad, how do we stand up? Girl, what's the tea? Okay, Someone said, what's the tea on light skinned men, okay, for those girls who are new here.

I've done a number of videos about this and a lot of people call me colorist and things like that. But there is really like evidence to understand why lighter skinned men are quite dangerous to be with. Okay.

Here'S the thing.

They have male privilege. They have quote unquote pretty privilege. And many of them have in the black community a white privilege. And so when you grow up with all of these privileges, there will be a sense of entitlement to anything and everything in their lives.

That. But the thing is they have that and they also have the trauma of a black man. That combination is deadly. It's narcissistic. Now it is 10x if he has a white mother. It's still shady and bad if he has a black mother, but she's going to try to temper that. But society is going to take hold of him and they're going to make him the prize. There are very few light skinned men that don't think that they're the prize.

Let me know if I'm lying in the comments. Let me know if I'm lying.

Oh, this is my song.

Okay, So I would stay away from them. And this is a. As someone. Girl, that was my type. Girl, I thought that I was. This is, this is my tea. I thought that I was going to get with someone that looked like Jesse Williams. He was going to be 6:2. He was also going to have in a grad degree from an Ivy league institution. And he. Girl, he was gonna be.

Red.

No, not even yellow. Orange, girl. He was going to be orange, girl. A little bit of red bone and a Little bit of yellow tail. Girl.

I suffered. I suffered.

And if you have ever been engaged with any sort of man that was lighter in the comments, let me know how much you suffered.

Let me know how much you suffered.

Someone said black and abstinent. Any advice?

No advice, girl. You don't want the advice that I have to give you.

Honey. Going back to these lighter skinned men, half the girls are saying that they, they, they needed therapy. I'm not surprised.

And this is a thing that a lot of people don't talk about, but it's very important.

Because they have been told that they are the prize. They expect that from the women that they're with. And when you don't give that to them, they can get abusive physically and or emotionally.

Don't do it, honey.

Don't do it.

Yeah.

I would rather you get with a white chocolate than with a lighter skinned man.

And the white chocolates are dangerous.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay, what are the questions, ladies?

Andrea said, as a Blasian, how do I win over an extremely successful Irishman?

Girl, you don't have to do much. Just wear green. It's like, it's like red to a bull, girl.

Now, girl, if you ever had any questions about how to.

Talk to a man in real life, this was a song that you needed to hear. Shorty, swing my.

Yes, girl.

Yes, honey.

This. When I first heard this song, this is. This is the moment that I knew that I wanted to be a dating coach.

The other song that changed my life was Adina Howard Freak like me. When I sang that, that's when I knew that I was gay and my dad did too. Okay.

Someone said, what about Samoan men? Oh.

You guys, I literally cannot with Samoan.

I can't. For the girls who have been here, you already know how I feel about it. Yeah. Nicole said, don't get him started.

Okay, let me just say one thing. Yeah. PTSD incoming. Do you remember that moment when you were a kid and you realized that there was no Easter bunny?

You realize that there was no Santa Claus?

That's what it is.

Saddest thing ever.

This is a Samoan man. A nose.

Do you want a nose?

Do you want a nose? Do you want a pinky?

Do you?

I don't. Someone said, behave, please. I wish the Samoans would behave do down there.

Yeah, honey, Koreans too.

Someone said a pinky is crazy. Not even my pinky. I have big hands. I'm talking about like an Asian female's pinky.

Caitlin said, safe to say he's not married to Samoan.

Girl, could you imagine if I, if I was.

No, honey, I'm not.

Clever. Said, tell us about Dominican men.

And you know what? Don't literally. America has lied to you. Dominicans, girl, no shade. Dominicans are not white. They're brown.

They're. They're blacky black. They're not even brown, girl. They're this tone and they're thick. This thick.

Hold on, I need some kombucha.

Yeah, way. Someone said no way. Way. Yeah, they say that they're not black. Girl.

Sometimes it's like opposite day for them. They're so, so black. They're not black. They're so black. They're blue.

Someone said, I need to hear the abstinence advice.

I will tell you this. This conversation that we're having right now about Dominican D is probably is. Is going to hold you over for the next month.

Okay, let's see what's going on here in ig.

Someone said, yes. I remember dating a Dominican in college. I was not prepared for what he was packing. Girl, none of us are, girl. None of us are, honey. Straight FedEx girl package.

But here's the thing. Here's. Here's my theory. The bigger the D, the bigger the heartbreak. If they got a big D, they're going to break your heart even harder. They're going to break your heart with their daughter. Potentially physically, but definitely emotionally. Let me know if I'm right here, honey.

Yeah. Okay. People keep on asking about Jewish men. Right now I'm not talking about anything Jewish.

Before last October I would have. Now I'm not.

Okay. Deanna said the shrimps break your heart too. But girl, no shade. Girl, you, you.

No shade. We shouldn't be, we shouldn't be dealing with shrimps.

Yeah.

Okay. Okay. What are the questions? Let me see. Ig, what are you giving, girl?

Someone said how to measure?

Okay, so no shade.

Okay. You need to measure from the tip of the thumb to the wrist bone. That's how big it is for any man. Okay. Now what's the girth? What's the thickness? Girl, it's the width of the nose. You can look at my thickness, girl. Cuz you can't have any of what I got. But I just want to let you know. So like, if you've ever asked yourself why Beyonce with is with Jay Z, it's because of that nose. Trust. Okay.

Someone said, tmi, girl, you must be new here.

Someone said, noted. Someone said, he's not wrong. I'm not.

When I tell you I have individually done the research.

So when I tell you these things, it is because I have gone through the sample sizes.

Someone said, girth is everything, honey. Girth is birth.

The field work has been done. I've been in the field. I've been on the field. The field has been in me.

Sweetheart. Said, J.C. is huge. I heard. Where'd you hear that from, girl?

Someone said, thank you for your service. I'm surprised that y' all ain't doing this for me or saluting down there, girl.

Someone said, should we do background checks on men while dating? Yeah, I think that maybe, like, on the third date or so, you should do a significant background check.

Someone said, he sacrificed for us. Thank you for the salutes, ladies. Thank you. I appreciate it.

And my. And my choncha salutes you, too. Salutes you back.

Yeah. Someone said, what about the length of the neck? Length of the neck does not matter.

And the width of the neck doesn't matter either. Oh, I forgot to tell you.

If that third. If the thumb is curved, he's packing. He's packing a lot.

And you, you must beware.

The thumb if it's curved.

Okay.

Yes, the thumb, honey.

Thumb curve is insane. It sure is.

Okay.

Yes, the thumb, honey.

Thumb curve is insane. It sure is.

Okay, what questions do you have for me, ladies?

Jamila said you went viral this week.

Girl, no shade. Every week now. It's crazy.

Round, round and round.

It's a blessing. I just hope I can help people as much as possible. That's really what I'm all about. Jennifer said, what about overweight black men?

What about them?

Okay, what questions do y' all have now? I can't be talking about D all the time. People gonna think I'm a perv.

Someone said I'm a chubby chaser. All right. Girl chase, chub. Girl chase, chub.

Skater boy, 36 years old. Unless he's Tony Hawkraw, we should not be talking to no skater boys, y'. All. Okay? If he has ripped jeans, if he is wearing a jersey, if he is wearing a backwards hat, girl.

He'S 14. He's not 40 or 50.

Okay?

No, we're not doing it.

Stop in the name of love.

Okay, let me see what the. What. What y' all are talking about. Okay, Tawana said on ig, I want to try a hook. All right, Peter Pan, come through. Come.

On. Guys with nose piercings.

This is what I say about guys with piercings. They want as many holes on their body.

As possible because they want as many holes outside of their bodies. If you know What? I mean, yeah.

Yes, honey. That hook will hook you in.

Someone said, how to find a good guy in la. You gotta. Girl, you gotta go outside of la.

You gotta make sure that he. The thing about LA, which makes it really hard is everybody's trying to be a star. Everybody has a hustle to try to make it in Hollywood. The guys that are not trying to do anything in Hollywood are the guys that you want to. You want to talk to.

Yeah.

Okay. What else is going on?

Manuela said how to not be mute.

Girl, talk to these men when you see them in. In real life. You can ask them for recommendation, ask them for help. You can give them a compliment. You can just even simply say hello and smile whatever feels most comfortable for you. Okay.

Thank you, Ms. Lugo. Love. Okay, let me see what we're talking about. I got to see what the IG girls are all about.

What questions do you have, ladies? What do you think about a young female in 20s dating older men? No, no, no, no, no. This is one of the reasons why I don't. I don't work with anyone that is younger than 26.

The reason why I say that is because right now your era is getting experience. So if you are younger than 25, I really, truly believe that you should not be interacting with anyone that is older than 30.

If that is happening, they are grooming you.

It's giving Diddy.

It'S giving Epstein.

Don'T do it.

Why you think that you're getting over on this old guy? Because you're cute and you're a little whippersnapper. And what you don't understand is that he's letting you think that you are controlling him, but he's really controlling you with his money, with his lived experience, and with his wisdom.

Okay.

I'm trying to tell you.

Some of the girls think I'm a pretty little thing. Like, I'm just, you know, all these old guys will do everything for. For me.

Older men are patient. Older men are slowly.

Controlling you.

Yeah.

Don't. Don't do it.

Don't do it. Don't do it. Don't do it. Don't do it. Yeah.

Okay.

Yeah, exactly. They're observing everything that you do and they're finding how. How, like what your weak points are.

Oh, okay. I just found out that she grew up poor, so I take her to some mid restaurant. She's going to be highly impressed. Where you're thinking, oh, my God, I have this guy taking me out to all of these interesting and great restaurants. No, girl, he could have took, he could have taken you to a three star Michelin and he's taking you to Cheesecake Factory. And that's no shade because I love Cheesecake Factory. Factory.

But you thinking, oh my God, I have this guy doing X, Y and Z for me.

Now.

Stringing you along.

And using you for your body and using you so that he can feel like he's half his.

Yeah.

It's more than an ego boost. He's literally zapping and taking your energy without you even knowing it. What your weak points are.

Oh, okay. I just found out that she grew up poor so I take her to some mid restaurant. She's going to be highly impressed. Where you're thinking, oh my God, I have this guy taking me out to all of these interesting and great restaurants. No girl.

This is why when the, the young girls are with the older men, they'll start to age faster and the older men will start to look younger because he's literally zapping the energy away from these young girls.

Leo DiCaprio, he could have took, he could have taken you to a three star Michelin and he's taking you to Cheesecake Factory. And that's no shade because I love Cheesecake Factory.

But you thinking, oh my God, I have this guy doing X, Y and Z for me.

No.

Stringing. Still looks 25, girl. Cuz he keeps on dealing with these 16 and 18 year olds.

Yeah.

Okay. What other questions do you have.

You along.

And using you for your body and. Okay, someone asked me.

How to date white men. Girl, you date them in the same way that you would date any other man. Using you so that he can feel like he's half his age.

Yeah.

Why are you asking a question as if white men are aliens?

What's really going on?

One of the things that I think is really important is that if you're a woman of color, you, I think it's going to be important for you to put white men in your consideration set. It's more than an ego boost. He's literally zapping and taking your energy without you even knowing it.

This is.

It is important to have this abundance mindset when you are dating.

And to, to be very honest with you, white men are actually very simple. This is why when the, the young girls are with the older men, they'll start to age. Very simple. Some would say even too simple.

You're thinking that they're so complicated, they might be complicated for you because they're so simple. And that's not, there's, that's no Sh.

Yeah.

Ms. Butter2 said do you faster and the older men will start to look younger because he's literally zapping the energy away from these young girls.

Leo DiCaprio still looks 25, girl. Cuz he keeps on dealing with these 16 and 18 year olds.

Yeah.

You date white dudes, Anwar. But first of all, I don't date. I'm married. Okay. So I, but I do date one very special white man.

My hubby. Yeah.

Okay.

Okay. What other questions do you have?

How are they? Simple.

Are you guys gonna get me cancelled?

Are you guys gonna give me cancelled?

Okay.

A lot of white men don't have to experience a lot of the things that people of color and women have to experience. So their, their, their whole perspective on life. Okay. Someone asked me.

How to date white men. Girl, you date them in the same way that you would date any other man. Life is different.

For them. It is.

I go to work, I get money and I come home.

And I get promoted. Why are you asking a question as if white men are aliens?

What's really going on?

And things are easy for me. It's very black or white, it's very 0 or 1. That's it.

Overall for the most part, generally very happy. Don't have to go through a lot. One of the things that I think is really important is that if you're a woman of color, I think it's going to be important for you to put white men in your consideration set.

It is important to have that.

Right so they don't have to think about all of these different things like as this abundance mindset when you are dating.

And people of color. Most of us that are in here, we're like doing calculus like our, we're trying to figure out okay if this happens, what, what's my plan? A, B, C, D, E, F. Right. So we're hyper vigilant. Our nervous systems are on high alert.

They don't have to, they don't do that, they don't have to do that.

So when I talk about simple, it's beginning to be very honest with you. White men are actually very simple because our lived experiences are different.

Very simple. Some would say even too simple.

You're thinking that they're so complicated, they might be complicated for you because they're so simple. And that's not, there's, that's no shade.

Yeah.

Okay.

Yeah. But that's why I always say if you want to get with a white man girl, he has to be minimum upper middle class.

If you.

Yeah.

Ms. Butter2 said do you date white dudes? Anwar? But first of all, I don't date. I'm married. Okay? You get with any man that is lower than that, it's the same as getting with a poor man in any other race. If you get with a middle class man that's poor, that's equal to poor man.

Okay? You don't want that.

Okay, So I, but I do date one very special white man.

My hubby.

Because this white man has so much privilege that if he's just middle class. Yeah.

Okay.

He'S not doing something right.

He's failing.

If he's just middle class.

Okay?

The fact that y' all are where y' all are at in this life based on what is what we have to experience. I already know that y', all.

How are they simple would be millionaires and billionaires.

So you have to, if you were, let's say a white woman, right, Whatever your class is now, plus two. So if you're middle class right now, then you'd be upper class, right? Middle class. Upper middle class. Upper class.

Are you guys going to get me cancelled? Right? Or rich or whatever. That's the, that's the guy that you have to go for if he's going to be white plus two, whatever you're at.

White boy math. White boy dating math.

Yeah.

Okay.

Let me see what y' all are talking about. How do I give less masculine energy? Kimbella asks.

One. I will say that.

I. We all have both energies. Okay? So each of us has masculine and feminine energy. What I know and why I'm a dating coach for black and brown women is because the way that black and brown women are raised.

They have to be in their masculine because they're not able to rely on people. And they learn that early on in life. And when you're in your masculine energy, it is often because there is a lack of feminine, energetic love when you're growing up. For many of you, all that might.

Are you guys gonna get me canceled? Okay.

A lot of white men don't have to experience a lot of the things that people of color and women have to experience. So their, their, their whole perspective on life is different.

For them it is.

I go to work, I be a narcissistic or emotionally unavailable or critical or highly judged. I get money and I come home.

And I get promoted and told mother. A lot of black moms are like that. And so we become in our masculine. Or we have a lot of black dads out there that are physically absent, emotionally absent. And so I don't and because most of and this is my experience as a kid and things are easy for me, a dating coach for 15 years. What I'm hearing is that.

It'S very black or white, it's very 0 or 1. That's it.

Overall.

Most. The way that women, little black and brown girls are taught to date is the overarching prevailing theme is you can't trust a man.

Don't rely on a man.

For the most part. Generally very happy. Don't have to go through a lot.

Right. So they don't have to think about all of these different things like as.

Of course you're going to be in your masculine. If you can't rely on anybody. Someone asked, hey Amar, would you date a previously incarcerated man who has turned his life around, gotten his bachelor lives on his own and works people of color. Most of us that are in here, we're like doing calculus like our. We're trying to figure out, okay, if this happens, what. What's my plan? A, B, C, D, N.

E, F. Right. So we're hyper vigilant. Our nervous systems are on high.

Career devoted to giving back.

How long has it been? Because we got to check that recid. Recidivism rate girl.

I alert.

They don't have to. They don't do that. Here's what I know about men that come from prison. First of all, we need to understand why they got into prison and at what age. But the thing about prison and it's similar to the military, is that a lot of guys in prison go gay. I call them strays, straight gays, so they don't have to do that.

So when I talk about simple, it's because our lived experiences are different.

And some of that stays with them forever.

The other thing that you need to check is.

Any sort of stds or stis.

Yeah.

When men go to prison, the STI rate is 20% when they leave prison.

Okay.

Yeah. But that's why I always say if you want to get with the white man, girl, he has to be minimum and it's in the 80th percentile.

So this is important. Okay. Upper middle class.

If you.

Yeah. I think some of us are like, this is. You get with any man that is lower than that. It's the same as getting with a poor man in any other race. So lovely. I'm so glad that he's, you know.

You know, making improvements in his life, turning things around.

Yes. If you get with a middle class man that's poor, that's equal to poor man.

Okay. You don't want.

Here's what I'm. That.

Because this white man has so much privilege that if he's just middle class, I want to say. Okay, I'm. I'm not going to be diplomatic about this anymore. I was trying to be cute. I'm not going to be cute about it anymore.

That man has seen things. He has had to play Survivor.

And wins. He's not doing something right.

He's failing.

If he's just middle class, you get to a point when you have to experience dehumanizing conditions, it will strip some of your humanity. When you have to experience dehumanizing conditions.

Okay.

It will strip some of your humanity.

And when you are with a man.

And that is not humane.

It can be dangerous for you.

Yeah.

Yeah. It's like Survivor.

The fact that y' all are where y' all are at in this. You eating bugs.

So.

Okay. I'm gonna leave it at that.

And the reason why I'm saying this too is because actually a lot of women will be attracted to men. That life based on what is what we have to experience. I already know that y' all have had a hard time in life because they. They. They're in a savior complex. They're in their masculine. Would be millionaires and billionaires.

So you have to. An energy. Don't save a man. Don't save anyone. If you were, let's say, a white woman. Right. Whatever. Your class is now, plus two. So if you're middle class right now. One. Except for yourself.

Yeah. Sometimes it can be an ego boost to say, I really helped this man. I'm giving Mother Teresa up in here. Right.

No. Then you be upper class. Right? Middle class. Upper. Middle class. Upper class. You are not going to get any medals of honor. You're not gonna. Right. Or rich or whatever. That's the. That's the guy that. You have to get a purple heart. You're gonna get a black heart because they will kill it. Okay.

Go for. If he's gonna be white, plus two. Whatever you.

No, we're not going to do it.

Okay.

Yeah. Because this is the thing, right? Anytime you save a man, he will resent you. He will resent you because.

He wasn't able to save himself. And when.

You save him, he will feel like a little boy and it will remind him of his relationship with his mother. That probably wasn't good, which maybe contributed to why he went to prison.

Save yourself. Use that energy, use that money. Use that time to level up your own life.

Okay.

White boy math. White boy dating math.

Yeah.

Okay. What other questions do we have?

Okay.

Let me see what y' all are talking about.

What about cowboys? What about them?

Someone said, I earned 90. I earn more money than 90. How do I give less masculine energy? Kimbella asks.

One. I will say that.

I. We all have son of men. I would say that you need to find a man. If you make.

Multiple six figures, he has to make at least six figures. Both energies. Okay. So each of us has masculine and feminine energy. What I know if you make less than six figures, he has to make 80% of what you make.

Okay.

Yeah.

Someone said, do I need to leave Atlanta to find somebody? I think it's important to be dating in Atlanta and outside of Atlanta.

In my program, we have our women in Atlanta there. Why I'm a dating coach for black and brown women is because the way that black and brown women are raised.

They have to be in their masculine because they're not able to rely on people. And they learn that early on in life. And when you're in your masculine, they're dating in Atlanta and then some in Chattanooga, some in Birmingham, some in Charleston.

Charlotte. Right. You got to diversify a little bit.

Because more than half those guys in Atlanta are gay.

And I was just there.

And so many of them were so gay I was feeling uncomfortable.

And that is a very hard task to do. Glam Tam Tam said. How is the book coming? It's coming along really well.

Starting to talk to some agents, some publishing houses, some publishers. So that's going really well. Thank you for asking. The thing about taking a book out, like I'm not self publishing an energy. It is often because there is a lack of feminine energy. I'm doing traditional publishing and it takes a good 18 month energetic love when you are growing up. For many of you all that might be a narcissistic or emotionally unavailable or critical or highly judgments. So I'm hoping by 2026 y' all will get that book. Honey Mental mother. A lot of black moms are like that. And so. But until then, you better keep on coming to these lives and keep on listening to my podcast to get yout Guy Coaching Podcast. The link in my bio.

Thank you all so much for the kind words. Appreciate it.

Yeah.

Oh, we become in our masculine or we have a lot of. Samina said. Do you have any group trips planned for 2025? I'm black dads out there that are physically absent, emotionally absent. And so I don't. And because most of. And this Is my experience as a dating coach for 15 years. What I'm hearing is that.

I'm gonna have to make. I'm gonna make that decision in the beginning of the year. I didn't have any trips this fall because I've been focusing on my book as well as potentially getting a TV show all situated, which is the focus right now, as well as obviously helping my clients get into amazing relationships. Just had a client in New York get her guy yesterday, so we shouted her out in the Facebook group. If you're interested in doing this work in a deeper way, definitely don't hesitate to go to the link in my bio and book a consultation call. Okay. Tevis. That you deserve all the success life has to offer. Thank you so much. So much. Girl. Yeah.

Tiny said a TV show would be lit. I would tune in. Thank you. Yeah. I want to help black women find love on TV and teach. Have some of these lessons in a more broader channel.

Yeah.

Most. The way that women, little black and brown girls are taught to date is the overarching prevailing theme is you can't trust a man.

Don't rely on a man.

Of course you're going to be in your masculine.

Yeah. So that's. That's what this is about.

Okay. Someone said plus size advice.

If you can't rely on anybody. Someone asked, hey, Amar, would you date? The one thing that I would say if. I would say this, if I were a curvier woman, the things that I would be looking out for when you're just getting to know a guy is.

Does he say at the very beginning of the courtship, does he say anything about your body when you're on a date with him? Does previously incarcerated man who has turned his life around, gotten his bachelor, lives on his own and works in.

Career devoted to giving back. He tried to make a move or touch your body at all?

Yeah. If so, it's a no.

It's a no.

How long has it been? It's a no.

Okay.

What is this song?

Okay. Because we got to check that recid. Recidivism rate girl.

Here's what I know about men that come from prison. First of all, we need to understand why.

What about black girl? What about black girls on the big island of why they got into prison and at what age? But the thing. Why it's hard out here. You got to do some army, some military and some locals. You got to let the boys know that you are about it. About prison and it's similar to the military is that a lot of guys in Prison go gay. What's happening most of the time is that a lot of these guys are actually checking for you. But because so many black women are so hyper focused on black men, most of them think that you're not even checking for them. Talk to everybody, honey. Talk to them all. Flirt with them all. Have conversations with them. I call them strays, straight gays, so. And some of that stays with them for Emma. You'll be surprised what happens. Yeah. Someone asks, would you ever spin the block on an ex? Never.

Never.

The other thing that you need to check is.

Any sort of STDs or STI.

When, if you are ever feeling like you need to spin the block on an ex. I would say that if you look at a garbage man, a trash man, they just go in the block once and then they go. They don't.

When men go to prison, the STI rate is 20%. When they leave prison, keep on going around the block collecting trash.

And I suggest that you do the same as them. One and done. Okay. Then it's in the 80th percentile.

No more. No recycling here.

Yeah.

So this is important. Okay. Okay.

Someone asked how to flirt with a white guy. It's the same as flirting with anybody else. Squirrel. Like, come on now. Again, these white men, they're not aliens. But here's what I will tell you, which I think is really important. Okay.

And it is this. White men flirt differently than men of color. Yeah.

I think some of us are like, this is.

Okay, why am I saying this? I'm so lovely. I'm so glad that he's, you know, saying this, because oftentimes you will think like, oh, my God, I'm just having an interesting conversation in the line of target without realizing.

You know, making improvement, that you've had a five minute conversation with a man and with this white man, and you just thought it was just like a flyby conversation. No minutes in his life turning things around.

That man was flirting with you. If you're talking to a white man for more than three minutes, he's flirting with you.

I need you to understand that.

So I need you to snatch him up like Pokemon. Honey.

Okay.

You have no more excuses.

Here's what. You have no more excuses in terms of.

Missing out on some of these white boys out here trying to. I want to say, okay, I'm. I'm not going to be diplomatic about this anymore. I was trying to be cute. I'm not going to be cute about it anymore.

That man has seen things dip their toe in the Water, honey. Okay, snatch him up, honey. You know, okay. No shade, girl. I feel like every black woman has a white man at work that she flirts with and he flirts with her.

That energy that you give to your. He has had to play Survivor.

And when you get to a point when you have to experience.

Your work white husband, or for some of y', all, it's an Asian man. No shade.

That's the energy you need to be giving these white men outside of work. Do you hear me? Dehumanizing conditions. It will strip some of your humanity when you have to experience dehumanizing conditions.

And you know what I'm talking about too. Don't act brand new.

Yes. Because honey, you got, you got at least two white husbands at work talking about I'm single. No, you're not. It will strip some of your humanity.

And when you are with a man that is not humane.

It can be dangerous for you.

Yeah.

Yeah. It's like Survivor. You're taken at work.

It's crazy. So when you tell me, oh, I don't know how to talk to men. No, talk to them in the same way that you talk to your white work husband and you'll be good.

You eating bugs.

So.

Yes, honey, y' all have a Todd at.

Someone said you got the rich.

Auntie laugh. Yes, honey, because I'm. Okay, I'm gonna leave it at that.

And the reason why I'm saying this too, I'm rich and I'm an auntie.

Okay, okay. Rooms said. What's the next move after the three minute conversation? So you are actually going to have to.

ABC close it. Honey. It always be closing is because actually a lot of women will be attracted to men. That so you. You're not. You cannot wait for this white man to tell you, oh, I'd love to get your number. Because it will take him six months to do that. He will develop a whole friendship with you before he even asks you your number. So you're going to have to say, oh my God, I've had a hard time in life because they, they, they're in a savior complex. They're in their masculine energy. Don't save a man. Don't save anyone. I've loved this conversation. Why don't I give you my number and we can continue at some time.

One. Except for yourself.

Yeah, sometime. Then go about your merry way.

That's what it. It has to be.

Someone said, how do you close? I just gave you how you close it.

Now. Your. Your challenge this week.

Get through times. It can be an ego boost to say, I really helped this man. I'm giving Mother Teresa up in three white boy numbers.

Okay?

Someone said, I've just missed this opportunity last week. Girl, there's another week here, right?

No.

You are not going to get any medals of honor. You're not gonna. This week's another week.

Okay?

Get a purple heart, you're gonna get a black heart. Because they will.

Someone said three? Yes, girl, three.

The holy Trinity. Girl.

I don't care if you work from home.

Go outside. Girl, you don't look. Kill it. Okay.

No, we're not gonna do it.

Okay?

Live on mars.

It's not march20.

Yeah, cuz this is the thing, right? Anytime you save a man, step outside.

Touch grass, touch men.

Yeah.

Someone said, why do women have to close? I'm just saying that if you're a woman of color, you're going to have to close on a white man.

That's all I'm saying. Every. You won't need to try to close on a black man. They're very assertive and Hispanic men are very assertive. He will resent you. He will resent you because of two.

Right.

Okay, let me see what other questions we have. Ladies, is this helpful? Let me.

He wasn't able to save himself. And when you save him, he will feel like a little boy and it will remind him of his relationship with his mother. That probably wasn't good, which maybe no.

Good, good, good, good, good, good.

Okay, let me cross my legs, honey, because I'm a lady.

What other questions do we have maybe contributed to why he went.

Save yourself. Use that.

Energy, use that money, use that time to level up your own life.

Okay.

Let me see what's going on here.

Taylor made said are age gaps larger than 10 years? Okay, if the girl is 28? No, no, no, not at all.

Okay, what other questions not at all.

28.

Do we have?

Really? You need to focus on guys that are going through their second puberty between the ages of 30 and 33. Those are the guys that are start. That's when their biological clock starts to click and they're more open to wanting. Want to settle down.

What about cowboys?

Yeah.

Someone said, should we look lost in a hardware store? Don't do that. It's desperate and it's thirsty and guys are quick to know what women are doing and you will attract guys that are looking to be lost in your ch. What about them?

Okay.

It'S kind of like someone said, I earned 90, I earn more money than 90 of men. I Would say that you need to find a man. If you make like, you know, like when you're in junior high or high school and that girl is in the middle of the dance floor dancing really hard, hard, because she is really thirsty for attention. That's what it gives. And you don't want to be that girl.

Do you know what I mean?

I can say that multiple six figures. He has to make at least six figures because I was that girl that was thirsty in the middle of the dance floor wanting and needing attention.

If you make less than six figures, he has to make 80% of what you make.

Yeah.

Okay.

Okay.

Yeah.

Let me see what IG Q&A box is giving. Okay.

I usually don't go on here, but because there's so many questions in here and people are telling me to do it, I'm going to do it. I know you talk about it all the time, but black women who are set on marrying black men, where someone said, do I need to leave Atlanta to find somebody? I think it's important to be dating in Atlanta and outside of Atlanta.

In my program, we have our women in Atlanta. They're. They're dating in Atlanta and then some in Chattanooga. So can we attract them? I feel like I'm outside, but clearly not enough. You want to go to niche gatherings, whether it is fraternity and sororities, house parties with groups of friends, conferences that are blank. Very black specific. So black. I'm in Birmingham, some in Charleston.

Charlotte, NBA, nsbe, Afro tech. These sorts of conferences you want to go to. Okay. Black and tech. Yes.

Victoria said, in your opinion, what makes a good dating profile for a woman on the dating apps?

Right. You gotta diversify a little bit.

Because more than half those guys in Atlanta are gay.

And I was just there.

And so many of them were so gay. I was. I wanted to look realistic. Most. Most guys are when they look at your profile in your pictures, they're trying to figure out if they. They can envision themselves in your life. Right. So what I don't want to have happen is.

All your pictures are you traveling feeling uncomfortable.

And that is a very hard task to do. Glam Tam Tam said. How is the book coming? It's coming along really well.

Right. That doesn't make a good profile. You want a good diverse mix of pictures.

Some at work, some at home, some at a restaurant, some with your passion, some with friends, some one with travel. Okay. Starting to talk to some agents, some publishing houses.

One of the things that I always say is that a dating profile is not there. For you to meet your husband. It is there for you to start conversation. And so one of the things that you may want to do is.

Some publishers. So that's going really well. Thank you for asking. The thing about taking a book out, like, I'm not self publishing. I'm doing traditional publishing. And it takes a good 18 month.

When you're like writing your profile and your text. Have a question in there. So if you're saying, you know, oh, my God, I love. On the weekends I do yoga and I do, you know, I run marathons and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, go to museums after that. So I'm hoping by 2026, y' all will get that book. Honey, you should follow. Where would I find you this weekend? So now you have people with something to grasp onto and to message you.

A lot of us are not doing that. Okay. The other thing that I'm seeing a lot of that that I don't think serves if. But until then, you better keep on coming to these lives and keep on is.

I want you to let your freak flag fly. If you like things that are different and quirky, no shade. Lead with that. If you're an anime girl, you better talk about it in your app, in your app profile. Don't hide that. Right.

I love anime. I love professional wrestling. Things that are quirky things that girl put it in there. That's how you find your people.

Yeah.

Listening to my podcast to get your guy coaching podcast. The link in my bio.

Thank you all so much for the kind words. Appreciate it.

Yeah.

Someone said, but my freak flag is astrology and men hate it.

Guess what? Those men are not your men.

There's going to be some quirky guy that it has great.

I don't even know energy and going to be all about.

Samina said, do you have any group trips planned for 2025? I'm gonna have to make. I'm gonna make that decision in the beginning of the year. I didn't have any trips out it.

Yeah.

Oh.

Someone asked how can I find out what his true intentions are? I want to find out before I invest emotionally. Well, don't invest emotion this fall because I've been focusing on my book as well as potentially getting a TV show all situated, which is the focus right now, as well as obviously helping my clients get into amazing relationships. Just had a client instantly. Until you find out, be in observation mode. I always talk about this, like, don't talk about New York at her guy yesterday. So we shouted her out in the Facebook group. If you're like, sometimes people will be like, oh, my God, I like him. And you literally have just been talking to him for a week in your head. You're going to have to.

Yeah, I'm playing Summer Walker. She actually posted me in her stories. I love that girl.

Like, you don't know a guy. I always say you know 3% of him every week that you talk to him. So stop telling yourself that you like someone interested in doing this work in a deeper way. Definitely don't hesitate to go to the link in my bio and book a consultation call. Okay. To have this set, you deserve all the success life has to offer. Thank you so much, girl. Yeah.

Tiny said a TV show would be lit. I would tune in. Thank you. You don't like someone, you don't know them. Okay. His true intentions will come through with time. You can't rush it. I think a lot of people are like, what questions can I ask? The questions don't freaking matter, girl. Just like, if you're in an interview, I could lie through an interview and get the job. Yeah, I want to help black women find love on tv.

What is actually going to have to happen is you're gonna have to get into a relationship with him to see how he actually is in a relationship. A relationship is different than a courtship.

Okay.

People are saying it's his action and teach have some of these lessons in a more broader channel.

Yeah, yeah. So that's. That's what this is about.

Partly. You cannot just focus on actions alone because even toxic narcissists. You cannot just focus on actions alone because even toxic narcissists love bombers. They'll give you a. Okay, someone said plus size advice.

A lot of actions.

They'll give you a lot of actions. And if you're just focused on him giving you actions, you're gonna miss a lot of other things that are very. The one thing that I would say if. I will say this. If I were a curvier woman, the things that I would be looking out for. When you're just getting to know important, like emotional availability.

Respect of your boundaries.

A guy can say, oh, my God. I want to say is. Does he say at the very beginning of the courtship, does he say you three times a week and you think he's putting in a lot of effort? He's giving me actions? No, bitch, he's love bombing you. Anything about your body when you're on a date with him does. Okay. So it's not just actions.

Okay.

He tried to make a move or touch your body at all.

I hope that's helpful.

Okay.

Yeah. If so, it's a no.

It's a no.

Someone just asked. What kind of questions should you ask him on the first date? I want you to focus less on questions and more about.

What sort of conversations and subjects are you having with your friends and family.

Though. That's. It's a no.

Okay.

Those are the subjects you should. You should be talking about with these people on the first date.

Yeah.

What is this song?

That's what I wanted.

Okay. To focus on.

Because when you're in a relationship with this guy, those are the sort of conversations you're actually going to have.

Okay.

Okay. Let me see what else.

What other questions we have going on.

Raven said, what's too soon to set expectations slash boundaries in dating, you should be setting boundaries every.

What about black girl? What about black girls on the big island of Hawaii? It's hard out here. You got to do some army, some military stuff of the way.

I love boundaries and you should too. Most black women aren't raised with boundaries, so they feel mean. Terry and some locals. You got to let the boys know that you are about it. I've heard. Oh, I don't want to be a. No. We want to know if he's going to respect each and every one of your boundaries. Because you know what?

Your guy is just. Just going to do whatever is going to make you feel comfortable.

And.

You want to see about it. What's happening most of the time is that a lot of these guys are actually checking he's going to respect your boundaries.

So I'd rather you have more boundaries.