Dating Q&A - 11-10-24

Hello, hello. Hello, everyone. Welcome, welcome, welcome. I hope everyone is doing well. Hello, hello, hello. Oh, my gosh. I've missed you all so much. How you been? Are we doing well, ladies? Are we? How are we doing, ladies? Are we okay?

Hello, loves. Hello, hello, hello. Welcome, welcome, welcome. It's good to see you all.

For those of you that don't know me, my name is Coach Anwar. I am a dating coach for black and brown women. And I am here to help you with your dating life. Yes.

So what are we going to do here? We're gonna get your behind together. We are. What I do is I have all of the ladies ask questions in these lives, and I will answer whatever questions that you have for me. Okay? So put your questions in the live so I can figure out what the hell is going on with y', all, okay? And I'll answer them. I don't care questions about love, dating, relationships, men or women. Honey, we are inclusive up in here. So put the questions in the chat and I will answer them in the order that I see them. It's probably going to get super live in here in a little bit, so please be patient with me.

Because it's going to be a lot of questions, and that's okay. Someone said, are we using the question box tonight? I don't use any boxes, honey. We put our questions in the chat and we'll make it happen, okay? And just FYI, if you like what you hear, definitely. Someone said, is the underground railroad to Canada still open? Yes, honey. My underground railroad is always open. Yes.

Tap, double tap, triple tap the screen if you hear anything that resonates with you. If you feel like I am spilling, if I am dropping gems, Is this what the young people say? You know, I'm old now, honey. I am a suburban mother of three. So, you know, I just. I take my kids to school and back, so I don't really know what the cool girls are talking about these days.

Yeah. Okay, so what do we want to hear? Do we want to hear some rap? Do we want to hear some Neo soul? Some R, B, some pop? What are we feeling like in the chat? Let me know what the girls are feeling like tonight, honey. What are we in the mood for?

Yeah.

Oh, my gosh. Okay.

Okay. I. I think. I think it's R and B tonight, honey. The girls are R. Bing.

Now the neo soul girls want to talk. No, girl.

You know. You know, when in Sister act, when she said Sister Act 1, of course. When she said, ladies, let's do a little shoulder action.

This Was my shoulder action.

Okay?

Some of y' all don't know that. That's okay. Okay, let me see. Let me see what the girls are talking about, because we got to get your dating life together, honey. And I am tired. I was telling my ladies this week that, honey, dating is going to look different under this new era, this new administration. And so it's actually going to require you to do, come, correct, or don't come at all.

So with that said, I felt like, oh, my gosh, put me in, coach. I am here to help my ladies. Yeah. Okay, let me see what the girls are talking about. How can I get over someone fast?

You're not. Your job is not to get over people fast. Your job is just to get over them. And you don't want to rush that process, because when you rush that process, you actually are not going to do the work to actually get over them. And then you will bring all of that baggage into all of your new situations. Okay? So don't try to get over somebody fast. You want to just get over them, right? And you want to honor the amount of time that it's actually going to take to move past them. You have to feel all of your feels. A lot of the girls will numb. They'll online shop.

They'll just hook up with a lot of random guys just because they need attention or validation, but it's not going to actually allow them to do the work that is necessary for them to actually move through it, not get over it. Don't get over anything. Move through it. Okay. By the way, if. If you're interested in doing any sort of work with me, you definitely want to click the link in my bio so that we can actually do work together, because I am not going to be taking any more clients when December starts, because I am going to be getting my clients together for the Olympics of dating, which happened in the first three weeks of January. So. So if you've been saying to yourself, oh, girl, I want to work with Anwar in 2025, I'm gonna get my guy. You need to know by this month. Okay. Okay, let me see what's going on. I saw another dating coach say, you can't have a manly man that is democratic. Do you agree?

Well, I don't think that that's 100% right, but I do think that there are a lot of Democratic men that are.

Playing games with you. What does that mean? It means that, you know those guys that, like, pretend to be gay or gayish to try to, like, get close to you and then they aren't really gay, but it was all game to just try to get close to you. Some of these Democratic guys are doing that. Okay.

So.

There are manly men in every political party.

That's just tea. I don't think it politics has anything to do with it. But I do think it's important to understand that there are some of these guys are playing games with you. Right?

So.

Okay, how to flirt on vacation.

The same way that you would flirt in your everyday life. You need to be talking shit to these guys. And if you don't know how to flirt. I was just in a session with one of my clients and I was telling her, girl.

There are two ways that I want you to flirt.

One way is by talking to these guys as if they're just like your annoying little brother or talking to these guys as if they are already your husband.

So if a guy comes to you and, and he's talking about his weekend and he said, oh, you know, I went to the beach this weekend, then you can pretend like he's already your husband. You say, oh, I love that. When are you taking me to the beach?

Does anyone know this song, by the way?

Any? Missy and Beyonce were letting the girls know. Okay? So Mar said, do you have any advice on dating as a dark skinned black woman? Yes. And that advice is that you are going to have to get with guys that absolutely adore you. But you can't don't get with guys that are talking about your skin color, even if they're saying I love it, whether it's a white guy, whether it's a black guy. Because I already know that they're giving.

Let me turn this down a little bit.

They're giving.

Silence of the Lambs.

They want to skin you, girl. So.

Make sure that you're getting with guys that are interested in you as a human and not you as a second skin. This is important because.

One of the things that I know is that there are different marriage rates for different.

Hues.

Okay? For example.

The percentage of married women, Black women is 27%. But if you take the average.

Lighter skinned women are actually getting married in the 40th percentile. Darker skinned women are getting married at like 17% and then medium, I don't know how to call it, are getting married at like the 30ish percentile. And this is very important to realize and I'm sharing this with you because there are unique challenges for darker skinned women. And I just want to acknowledge that because a lot of people out there will Say no, girl, you're good. You're. No, it means that you are going to have to like the men that you're engaging with. You are going to have to do more detective work.

Yeah.

This. I. I think you come to me because you want. You want somebody to keep it real. I'm here to keep it real with you. I'm not gonna bullshit you.

That's just. That's. That's the research. That's what it looks like. So you're going to have to. Your boundaries are going to have to be.

Stronger.

Okay? Yeah. So I'm not. I'm not playing any games. And I don't want you to either.

Okay. Chrissy said red flags. We shouldn't let slide after the first time. I'm not someone that really focuses on red flags or green flags or white flags or red flags or rainbow flags.

I'm someone that focuses on how you feel. I want you to be in touch with how you're feeling and move through your dating life based on that. Because if you're always focusing on what he's doing, then you're always focusing on something that's outside of you and not what's happening inside of you.

I can say one thing, and for one woman, it's a quote unquote red flag, and for another woman, it's not.

Okay? So I don't really play the flag game. I played capture the flag when I was in elementary school. I don't anymore.

Okay.

Ray said, should I go to the States where men outnumber women and turn on my hinge and bumble? Yeah, girl, go to Alaska.

Girl. Didn't matter.

No, go. Go where you think you will thrive as a. Like, as a person, regardless of your relationship, because when you are thriving, you will attract.

People for you. Okay.

Yeah. Elena said, fairy Godbrother. Love your content. Thank you, girl. Ken said, what do you think about German men? Well, as someone. I lived in Germany for a while and I almost got snatched up. Girl, they. Girl, they wanted to marry me. I was proposed to at least three times when I was living there for a year and a half. Girl, I could have been.

Anwar Kurtzwa. Kurtzweil. But I had to go. I had to come back home. Honey. What do I think about German men? I think that they are addicted to.

Black women and men. Someone said. Thoughts on dating during the Trump era. I'm gonna do a podcast episode on this this week, so definitely check that out.

Okay.

I want. This isn't doing what I want it to do.

I want it to.

Let me see what's going on here.

Yes. The German men are addicted. Someone said, what's the name of the podcast? It's called get your guy coaching. Yeah.

Yeah.

Tasha Maxa, is Facebook dating a thing?

Yeah. In 2007 when Facebook came out.

Just like MySpace dating was happening.

Okay.

Someone said, do you tell your man you're talking to other guys if he asks, honey?

Scout's honor.

Yeah, girl. Scott's honor.

Why? Because he's. He's got to know that you. You're hot in this market.

And I think it's important for him to know that. He's going to have some.

Conversations, he's going to have some competitions.

Okay.

This is important.

Someone said, where are you from? I am from Southern California. If you can't tell by my valley girl accent, what are we doing here?

Okay, let's see what's going on. 25:11 said, we love you. Thank you, girl. Tyler said, Anwar, I missed you. I missed you too. I've been so busy for the past three weeks.

Just tired, tired, tired, tired. But I'm getting back on track.

My Basha said, it's hard to schedule time with you. You are booked and busy. That I am. That I am. So if you are trying to book some time and there. There isn't any available time, email, email me at anmoregetyourguycoaching.com or my team support at your guy coaching. Calm. Okay.

Oh, Lord. I think my stomach's doing some crazy flips again.

Someone in the comments was like, I remember the last live that you were on and your stomach was doing crazy mess, girl.

So busy.

Keisha said, have you touched on colorism and dating? Well, yes, about light, lighter skinned men. And I got a lot of. Because everyone thought I was a colorist and they said, you can't talk about light skin and biracial men like that. And did. And what of it? And we'll do it again.

Okay.

Let me see.

Okay.

But yeah, I will definitely talk about dating as a darker medium and lighter skinned woman and what that looks like.

Because I think it's important.

Okay.

Jdk, do you think all men are violent but they hide it better than others? No, I don't. Personally.

I think that.