Dating Q&A - 11-20-24

Hello, hello, hello, everyone.

Welcome, welcome, welcome. How are we doing this evening? How are we doing on hump day.

Sir? Hump a lots.

Are we humpty dancing? What's going on, ladies?

Hello, hello, hello. Now, for those of you that don't know me, my name is Coach Anwar. I am a dating coach for black and brown women. For all women. But I center the black and brown experience. Okay?

Who is this?

So.

Welcome, welcome, welcome. Are y' all touching grass? Y' all touching men? What are we doing here, honey? What's really going on? True love. Happy birthday, girl. Welcome, welcome, welcome. Someone said there's pee in the dating pool. Girl, if there's pee in the dating pool and you're in it, girl, you in the pee. No shade. You're a pee pee. Jk.

So what are we doing here? What's going on?

I am here to help you live, level up your dating life. Okay, so what we're going to do here, you're going to.

Put your questions in the chat and I am going to answer them in the order that I see them, okay?

Okay. Boss Andy said, do you coach 50 year olds? I sure do. I had two of them get into relationships in the past couple of weeks. Okay, so put your questions in the chat and I am going to help you.

Answer them. Okay. Now I will tell you this, if you are interested in working with me, definitely go to the link in my bio book, a consultation call or you can take a listen to my podcast. I have to tell you, I've taken a little bit of a break because things have been so busy. All really great things happening in my professional life and personal life, but so there has. I'm probably going to put a podcast up either tomorrow or.

On Friday. Okay. Fatima said, I'm signing up for your get your guy club this week. Good. Okay. Okay, good. I'm happy to hear that because I will tell you this, I'm not really going to be adding a lot of people in December because I got to prepare all of my ladies for the Olympics of dating, which are the first two to three weeks of January. So I'm sorry, but if you want to get in on this, honey, you're gonna have to get on it in the next couple of weeks. Okay. Someone said, do you have guys lined up? No, girl, because I'm not a madam, I'm a dating coach. So I don't line them up for you, girl. It's not a firing rod.

You know.

So that's that. Okay, let me see what y' all are talking About. And by the way, let's warm it up a little bit. This is a roll call. I want to know where are my black queens at?

I want. I don't care if you're lighter skin, medium or dark skin, show up. Roll call. Are my sister's here? Put in the chat, honey. I want to know what the tea is. Are we here?

Black and beautiful. Where are you at, ladies? Where are we at? Yes. Here, here, here. Hi, dark skinned baddie. Here, here, here. Hey. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Good. Okay, now I want to know where are my brown girls at? Where my Latinas? What's the tea, girl? A key, A key, a key. This is what I want to see. A key. This is what I want to see. Present. Presente.

Andalay aki. A key, A key. Perpeto. Okay. Where are my Asian sisters at?

Hey, girl. Hey. Where are my Asian sisters at? I want to know where my Asian sisters are at.

Girl, not the lowercase here. With my Asian sisters. Y' all better be proud. We live for you girls. Okay, good. And then finally.

Where are my white girls at? Where are my white girls at? Where my white girl's at? Where ya. Where you at?

Where you at?

Where are the white girls? White girls. Come on, white girls. Come on, white girls.

I'm just kidding. If you rock with me and you white, you already know that. You know I like to kid. You know, I like to have a little bit of fun.

Don't report me, honey. Don't care in me, honey.

Don't care in me.

Good, good, good. I'm glad that everyone is here. Now to the most serious question. I've got to know. I know I can't shade any white girl because my. I got a white girl voice. So I am her, she is me.

Someone said, don't you have a white babe? Yeah, I do. I have a white child and a white husband, girl.

But anyway, let me ask you this. This is a very serious question. Are you all ready for this serious question? I need to know. Put hashtag ready in the comments. If you're ready for this question, let me know. I want to know right now. I want to know, are you ready? Because I have a very serious question.

Okay, Ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready. Okay, good. Because this is so serious, girl. Okay. Oh my God. There's so many women that are ready. I love the fact that y' all are ready.

Okay? And the question is.

Cut or uncut?

Which one is a girl? Which one is a girl? Which one is it? Which one is a girl? Which one is a girl? Oh, my God. The cuts. The cuts have a girl. Someone said both. Girl.

Girl, girl. 80% cuts.

80% cuts, girl, I'm just seeing scissors, girl. All I see is scissors. Snip, snip, snap, snap.

Oh, my gosh. The cuts have it, y'. All. The cuts have it. You know what that means for the rest of the year? We can't. We can't be talking to any uncuts up in here.

Jury is out, honey. Jury is out, honey. Y' all scissored up and where you're starting so early. We just got here. Girl. The cuts have it.

Yay for the cuts.

Yay for the cuts.

Honey, if you. Someone said cut is not bad. If you have to say it's not bad, then it means it's not good, too. Okay.

Okay. Someone said they're scared to pull it back.

I don't know, girl. I was really overwhelmed right now because all I saw were, girl, Edward Scissorhands all up in the comments. Honey, the girls needed a cut. Honey, it's giving me. It's giving me kindergarten when you have those little small scissors. Someone said, why do you ask, girl? Because I'm nosy. Because I want to know what the T is.

Because, yeah, I'm naughty, I'm grown, and I can say whatever I want to say.

And what my mama doesn't know won't hurt her.

Okay, good. So now y' all know.

Okay, so now that we have that all out of the way.

Someone said I'm nosy is the only correct answer. You goddamn right, girl. Okay, let's talk about dating, y'. All. I just had to get the serious questions out of the way because I know y' all are going to come with crazy questions, and I'm here to answer those questions about dating. So what questions do you have for me, ladies? I'm here for it all. Yeah. And don't act brand new. Don't be shy. Yeah.

What are the questions?

Kev said, talk about dating and the influence of election. I'll. I'll give an overview of what I think. Okay, so a couple of things will happen. One, one, I think that.

I was just having a conversation with a woman in Toronto, and she was telling me that the guys are not ready. And I was agreeing with her because costs have increased quite a bit. And so what will happen with Trump and his tarot is that that's going to make life that much more expensive. And because of that, men are not going to want to take you out anymore, because one they have to self actualize and have a level of stability in their lives to be ready for a relationship and to provide for a. It's going to take longer. So it means that they're not going to be taking you out on dates anymore as much. So what that means is you have to have your boundaries on lock because they will probably play with you for two to three weeks before they take you out.

So that's one thing. Two, I think that also what will happen is. And I, I don't like saying this, but it's my truth and I'm going to speak my truth.

I think that there is.

I think men are going to be a bit more aggressive. So on the streets, things like that. Which means that I want you all to be protected. Being out with people, with family, with friends. I'm already starting to hear that things are like, in New York, guys are just going up to women and punching them in the face. Right. So.

You know, they're going to be more aggressive. They're going to be more violent. Strap up if you need to, ladies. Now, I'm, you know.

I don't carry, but I know a lot of my clients do.

Yeah. So something that you might want to think about and consider.

Yeah. The Texas girls. I'm not worried about you. Y' all got, y' all protect yourselves. Yeah. Everything I say, allegedly.

No.

Someone said taser, girl. I don't know if taser is going to be enough, girl. No. Shade.

Someone said it's a yes to Slavic men. Right? Honey, The Slavic men will be your slaves. Trust that tea. So that's what I think is going to be happening a lot with.

In this era. Okay, let me see what the other questions are. Should I consider a man if he has kids? If he has more than three kids. Let me just say it's four kids with multiple mothers. Then you about to be in a Nick Cannon, Cam Newton situation. And I would stay against it.

If it's just one mother. Engage. But here's the gag and here's what I think is really important. A lot of black and brown women don't want to be with guys with kids because they don't want to be another. They don't want to be another baby mama. They all. But the deeper issue here is that there is a neglect wound and they feel like they won't be prioritized, cherished, and given the attention that they need because this man has kids. Right. And that's not necessarily the case for each and every guy out there.

Okay.

Someone said was he at Afro Tech. Yes, I was at Afro Tech. Afro Tech was fun. I met a lot of engineers for my upcoming app. So that'll be a lot of great, good connections and networking. That was fun. And I also, if y' all were there at Afro Tech and you stopped me, thank you so much for all of the love, all of the selfies.

I so appreciate it.

I will go from there. Yeah. Okay.

Someone said the questions in the chat queue.

They'Re going really flat fast, ladies. So you know, when I see it, I'm gonna answer it. Okay. And if you're newer here, you have to understand there are a lot of women here. So a lot of questions. So I will get to them as quickly and if I see them, I will answer them. Okay?

So, okay. How to know if a guy has mama issues? Good question. So.

I think about this in three ways. I think about.

I'll put it in the, in the context of the mother. So I think guys have three different mothers, mothers that have used their sons as emotional or let's just say surrogate partners. There's an. What we call enmeshment. And so oftentimes what will happen, this man will be spoiled. And so when you are engaging with men, especially black men now, you have a lot of enmeshed and spoiled black men because they grew up with single mothers.

And a lot of those single mothers made them their partners. And so they did everything for them as if these sons were their husbands. So when you're talking about, oh my God, these guys think that they're the prize. Well, girl, 76% of black households in the 90s were single parent households. What did you expect?

Okay, so that's one thing. The other thing that I'm seeing a lot of in terms of mommy issues is codependence.

If he's talking to his mom multiple times a day.

That'S an issue.

That's an issue.

Grown man needs to be doing grown man things. That's no shade.

Right?

Codependency is, you know, he feels in charge of her emotional, physical, everything. Well, being. It's not, it's respectfully speaking, it's not his job. I mean, if he's the only one there, of course you want to protect and sometimes provide for your mother if she doesn't have any other means. But this is important because if he is hyper focused on mom, he can't be hyper focused on you.

Okay? And then the third one that I see is the abusive parent.

Which is the mother who.

Did not speak life into her child always Dogged him out and talked about how he wasn't shit and how he's not going to amount to anything. Right.

Those, I think, are.

Really scary guys. Because generally what will happen. So if you hear a guy and he says, oh, yeah, I don't talk to my mother anymore.

You should ask why? Because eight times out of 10, it's because that's the kind of mother that he had. And what that means is because that was his foundational or core relationship with a woman. He is going to be.

So resentful of women that he's going to take it out on you. His mom rage. He's taking it out on you and every other woman that's out there.

So don't be afraid to ask these men, oh.

Talk to me about your mom.

A lot of people saying, yes, yes, yes for that third one.

Because as you may know, ladies.

A lot of these moms are really critical and judgmental, especially black moms.

It's the trauma that they've received that they push out to the other generations.

Yeah.

What if his mom has passed? Then he's going to have abandonment wounds and he's going to be clingy.

Super clingy.

Okay.

Coco Loco said, advice for tall women, girl. Don't be afraid to. The tall girls always want to have a guy that's as tall as them or taller. Right? But you have to understand that.

6Ft tall men represent 14% of the population.

So stop just focused on those Six Flags rides, girl, and go on those Disneyland rides. Those short kings are packing. And I want you to know that.

This is my. My barometer. My test is, can he pick you up?

Because that's all he needs to do, honey. No shade.

Right? But, yeah, Ride those Disneyland rides, girl. It's a small world after all.

Right? Those short kings are. They'll work for you. Let them work. Someone said, I've never been with short man. You're a lost girl.

My gain. Girl, I'm five eight. My man's five eight. Girl, I'm six two. Someone said fun size, girl.

It ain't fun size, girl. It's jumbo size. It's family size pack, girl.

Yeah. All right. Okay, let me see what y' all are talking about here.

Yeah, oftentimes when it's five nine, girl, it's close to nine. And it's five eight, girl, it's close to eight. When it's six one, it's closer to six.

And that's no shade. Unless. Unless he's 6ft and he's really thin. Really skinny like me. Then he packing, girl. Then he packing.

Yeah, but honey, those football players, girl.

I pay it. Pay it no mind.

He said, you said, look at how wide the nose is. Yeah, that nose width, girl, is the width of you know what. Now, I don't care if you look at my nose, girl, because you're not going to get any of my stuff. But look at like some of these Nigerians, girl. Nose is all the way here. No shade.

No shade.

If I'm lying, I'm dying.

Yeah.

Okay, let me see what y' all are talking about up in here.

Someone said, nah, football players are packing. Some of them are. A good number of them aren't. Especially those Samoans, girl. But don't get it. Don't get me started. Don't even get me started.

Okay, what are the dating questions? Y' all can't have me talking about D all night long, honey. I'm a mother.

I am a mother. Someone said, I don't want that. I don't want a nose that wide. No shade, girl. You might not be able to handle it. I can't talk shit, girl. I can't handle it either.

I'm not going to talk shit that my ass cannot cash.

Okay? April Hobby said, dating exclusively for the first time. Congratulations on that. How long should I wait for it to be a relationship? So you should not. It. It needs to be a relationship. You can't go. Don't go from casual dating to exclusivity to relationship. You need. It needs to be a relationship. Heywood said, anwar, go to the questions feature. I don't do that. I answer questions that are in the chat. Okay, so.

Someone said, but the short men are too insecure. Some of them are right. A good number of them aren't.

Okay. Beautiful Reflection said, Africans. Big af. A lot of them are, girl. Mind of Mendoza said, do you have any advice for black trans women? Girl, of course. I got you a couple of things. One, always go on public dates with these men. Don't let them hide you. A lot of them will want to just hide you in the closet, girl. No shade. Or have in home dates with you. Never go home with a guy, at least before the first three dates. That's number one. Number two, like I said, public dates on date two or three, you want to. Do you want to have PDA with him? If he can't give you pda, he's not ready to be with you. And then number four.

You have to. There are certain guys that are checking for you. A lot of the The T girls. The dolls will get with guys that are DL. The gangsters, the construction workers. Like the mask. Mask. Mask. Don't do that. Yes, they will D you down, but it's almost like a hate. So you don't want that.

Specifically, Middle Eastern men are very much into the. Into the dolls. Guys with.

No shade. Rat faces. I don't know how else to explain it. My sisters tell me this is. They gotta. If they got a rat face, they're into you. I don't know what the math is, girl. I'm not into.

Transgender calculus, but this just works.

Yeah. Okay. Poison IV said. What do you mean by the dolls? So the dolls are. Means transgender women. Okay. Yeah, yeah. Good minded. Mental said. Omg. Yes, it's a hate. It is. It is. And by the way, ladies, let me just talk about this because this is important. This isn't just for trans women. This is for all women. There are some men that you think are really doing you well, and it is not because they love you. They are hate fucking you. Have you ever experienced that? Because I will tell you, as a gay man, I've experienced that a couple of times. When I was younger, when I used to. I used to fuck with the guys. I didn't know that they were gay.

And I was like, oh, my God, he's ding me down. No, girl, he's hate you. Anyone else experience that? Okay.

That's right.

Yeah. So.

Catch that tea.

Someone said, what does that mean? It means that there's no. There's no gentleness. It is.

I want to get off and I want to hurt you.

Like that they're doing you to hurt you, and that your hurt makes them feel good.

Okay.

Okay. Yeah. Not demure at all.

Yeah. Some of the girls talk about pound town, and you come out with a black eye, girl, no shade. Okay, Someone is saying, can you talk about the apps?

So the apps are tricky these days. Like I always tell my clients.

It really depends on your location, your age, your size, your height.

Your. Your shade. But I will tell you, I think.

Bumble and Hinge are okay.

Coffee meets bagel and match a little bit less. So.

I'm starting to hear some things about Facebook dating, but I'm not going to put any sort of conclusions on that yet because I need some more data points before I want to recommend that one. Yeah. Facebook dating has been not so great for the past couple of years, but the thing about these apps is that they have seasons. Sometimes they're great, sometimes they're not so great. Raya, if You're a black woman. No. Unless you want to date DJs.

And I did that in junior high.

Wannabe DJs. What about BLK?

N O for BLK.

BLK is like.

You know that, you know when you're at, like, a family gathering or like a family reunion, and you have that one cousin that no, nobody talks about but you know, is a hot ass mess and he doesn't have his life together.

That guy's on Be okay.

And when he comes in the room, you're like, oh, hey. But you don't go up to him and you. You don't give him a hug.

That guy's on blk.

If I'm lying, I'm dying.

And y' all know what I mean. Yeah. The one that steals.

The one that's doing check fraud.

Yeah.

I try to tell my clients, don't go on Be okay. Some of my clients don't want to listen, so they go on blk. And you know what happens on the first. The first day that they're on it? Within the first 20 minutes, she sends me a screenshot. And that screenshot says, hey, I really want to.

Take you out on a date, but I gotta let you know that I am married. Girl. First 15 minutes. No, ma'. Am.

Pullman said, I'm dating a Japanese man. What should I expect?

Kink. McKink, the biggest kinkster in the world.

He's part of the axis of evil, girl. The Germans, the Italians, the Japanese from World War II. Girl.

They all girl. Girl. They lost the war, girl. And now they're. They're kinking out everybody that they. They got going on.

Everyone that they're with. Kinky. The Germans are kinky. The Italians are kinky. The Japanese are kinky. Yeah, girl. The axis of evil, girl.

AP History. Girl. Get into it. Someone's saying shrimp wonton. I mean, I think that the Japanese are close to average. Korean men are really small, like squid game down there.