Dating Q&A - 12-03-24

Everyone.

Hello, hello, hello. Welcome. I hope everyone's doing well. Yes. Rose, Daisy, Red. Number one. Honey, number one.

I hope we're doing well. Ladies.

Happy December. Did you hear me? Did you hear what I said today on my reel? I want you off those apps, ladies. And I'm not playing around. Do you hear me?

Ayan? Aa. Congratulations. We already knew that you were number one. We love you. Thank you so much. Coach Amore for president. Thank you. Hello, hello, hello. Thank you so much. I hope.

I hope you all have. Haven't missed me too much cuz I've been away. I have been away, girl. I've been busy. I've been busy writing a book. I. I've been busy pitching a TV show. Hey.

Hey. I'm also building an app, y'. All. An app. Because I want to make it easier because these apps are not making it easier for you. So I'm creating an AB solution to help you with the apps. Yeah. So, honey, she's busy. I really do appreciate all of the DMS that I got.

Talking about. Are you okay, girl? What's the tea, honey? I think they thought that I was trying to do suey, girl. No, not that, not that. I'm busy. I'm working. Head down. Yeah.

So, yes, I appreciate everyone that has reached out. I'm back. I did a TikTok today, so I'm back on. I'm back on track.

Yeah. Good.

Now for all of you, all that don't know me, my name is Coach Anwar. I'm a dating coach for black and brown women. I work with all women, but my work is really focused on the black woman's experience in dating. So if you wit it, I'm with it. Yeah, I. And so I'm on this app. I'm going live because I want to help you level up your dating life. So what we're going to do is you're going to put your questions in the chat and I am going to answer them in the order that I see them.

So put your question in the chat. I will help you with them. I'll give you tea. I might give you some tequila. It's always going to be real. Okay? If you want to work with me, if you're like, oh, my God, 2025, I've got to get my person, I've got to get my guy, man, woman, anything in between, I don't care. You definitely want to go to the link in my bio and book a consultation call. Okay. Okay. So, yeah, let's, let's, let's put. Let's figure out what y' all are talking about. Oh, by the way, if saying anything that resonates with you that you feel like that's a gem, I definitely want you to tap the screen, double chat, triple tap, all of that. Okay. Hearts galore. Okay.

All right. Let's do this thing, honey, because I'm. I'm ready to rock out. I'm gonna let y' all have it, honey. Yes. Thank you for all of the ladies talking about they missed me. I missed you too. I missed you too. Okay. Tisa. Yes. We need a TV show. Omg. Yes. I want to help all black women find love. So the TV show is going to be all about black women finding love using my process, my program.

Yes. People are asking about the dating app. So it is going to be around.

It's going to be using AI. It's going to be doing automatic background checks on people to make sure that who you're talking to is safe and sound. But it's also going to use AI to chat with the men and figure out if they're actually relationship ready or not. So we're going to take out 80% of the work on the app so you don't have to deal with all the bullshit. Okay.

So that's what we're doing here, honey. We're gonna make it easy for you so that only the guys that are relationship ready you're gonna talk to. You'll go through the thousands of guys and we'll find the 10 guys, make it easy for you, hopefully help you get your guy in, you know, a couple months versus.

Six, nine 12 months that it usually takes people on the apps. Okay? It's gonna be the game changer because guess what? Nobody is using dating AI for women, But I am, because I want you all to win at the end of the day. So if you are interested in being part of my beta testing, if you are interested in being surveyed, DM me with your email address and I will put you on the list. Okay. People are talking about. Just write a book, girl. I. Girl, the book is written. The gag is that I'm getting a publisher. I'm getting an agent and a publisher. Yeah. These things take time. No shade. But I am. I could easily self publish.

But my book is going to be about how. It's going to be about teaching black women how to date.

Okay.

So.

It'S written.

Yeah. Yeah. Everybody wants to be in a relationship and nobody wants to date. So we're hoping that this solution can help you date. Talking to three to four Other men anyway. Girl, what's that tea? Who cares if he's not doing anything? If he hasn't done anything in a week, girl, let him go. Okay.

Joe said, how can I get him to think of me in a romantic way? You can't.

It has to start that way. If he's already put you in a category of a friend zone, girl, you shouldn't want to get out of it because your future husband will never do that. We have to be really clear about who's my future husband and who's not. We can't make guys your future husband. That's not how it works. Okay.

So a lot of y' all are trying to make fetch happen. You're gonna. You're trying to make these men become your husband. Girl, he's got to already be in that lane. You know, I think about it almost like a freeway, right? You got a fast lane, you got a medium speed lane, you got a slow lane. The gag is that a lot of y' all are trying to make the people in the slow lane in the fast lane. Doesn't work like that. Doesn't work like that. Some of y' all know shade are trying to be in the fast lane, and you not ready for that.

You got to keep these men in their lane, honey.

Okay?

Yeah.

Somebody said, stop trying to make community D a house husband, girl. None of these men should be house husbands.

Yeah.

Someone said, when do you go online? Girl, I just got on not too long ago. Girl, stop tripping.

Yeah.

Okay, let me see what else you got going on, honey. Does broke men.

Rich men run same game till the mass slips? No, they don't run the same game. Because the broke man is all about dreams.

He's. He's selling you a dream, girl. Right? It's your decision about whether you are going to believe the dream or not. The rich man is actually trying to inundate you with physical things and experiences.

He's also kind of giving you a dream, but it's more physically there, right? Oh, let's fly to Miami this weekend and do X, Y and Z.

He's giving you the experience, but the difference, and one of the things that you have to figure out, and this is the tricky part, is that the broke man, he'll give you a lot of heart.

So you'll believe the dream too much. The rich man oftentimes won't give you heart, but you might get. You might fall in love with the experience, and that might trick you into thinking that he actually has heart. It takes no heart to pay for things. All it takes is a card.

Paying for things is not emotional for men. I want you to understand that. Because a lot of women think that it's like an emotional decision.

Okay?

It really isn't. That's why I always tell the ladies, just because you get flew out doesn't mean a Damn thing.

Takes 5 minutes to get you here.

Okay?

So at the end of the day, it's all game. Don't fall for it, because the heart is the thing that matters. Now. Am I saying I want you to be with somebody that can't provide? No. But what I'm saying is most of you all are doing well for yourselves. So what you need is actual most, the emotional support.

And most of these men don't have it. That's why most of these men are not relationship ready. Okay.

Okay. Kooky Mood said, love your content. Thank you, girl.

Jay said, put a background check on the app. That's what we're doing, girl. It's gonna be part, are we dating the same man?

Part.

Chat GPT.

All of it.

Brianna said, I constantly attract older, non black men, whereas non black men my age only stare. Okay, what's the problem? But by the way, if they're just staring, talk to them. Yeah.

Someone said, why do these men hat fish? Honey, these men are hat fishing you. They are beard fishing you, girl. They are straight fishing you. They're fishing, girl. That's how they date. They date. They fish, girl. That's all they do.

Your job.

Your job is not to go to Red Lobster.

Don't even eat the fish, girl.

That's your job.

Yeah, I said straight fishing.

So let me see. Aluto said, I love you, boo. Thank you. Thoughts on dating a co worker. So here's what I want you to know, because there's still, I don't know, 10, 15 of people that are meeting their person working and no shade. A lot of y' all are just working and going home. Some of y' all are working and at home at the same time.

Yeah. What do I say to that? I say it depends on the dynamic.

Preference would be someone that you don't. You're not in a team with. Preference would be someone who doesn't work, who works with you at the same level or a similar level.

And not under you and not over you. And also.

The first step is to have. I'm. I'm not a huge fan of it, but I know that it happens. So I'm not going to lie and not give you life around this question.

If he's asking to have lunch with you.

He probably likes you.

Okay, so have lunch, talk about non professional things.

And.

See if he makes it happen.

Okay?

Jess, Lola said, what do you do when you know he likes you but he does not pursue? If he does not pursue, he does not like you. End of story. That's what I want you all to know. You're making excuses for this man because you think, oh, my God, if he could just X, Y and Z. No, girl, your future husband, there's nothing gonna be stopping him, girl, you could put hurdles over him, girl. You can put like little piranha ponds in front of him. Girl, he jumping all the way over it.

There's nothing that will stop him from getting to you.

I get about three to four women into relationships per week.

Girl, they gotta beat him off with a stick. And that's true, T, that's what it looks like.

What's happening, though, is that you're trying to make.

Many of us are trying to make men that are not ready for a relationship ready for a relationship.

Yeah, you hurt me. Per week.

One to two engagements a month.

You better ask other dating coaches what they're doing.

Because they're not doing that. They're giving you cute IG quotations and calling it a day.

Yeah. Anyway.

So that's what it looks like. You won't ever have to wonder if anything. You have to wonder, is this guy psycho or not? No, shade.

Because he's that much into you. I literally had a conversation about two hours ago from a. From a client who wants to see her three times a week. And she's not used to it. She's used to chasing guys. She's used. She's used to having to prove herself for love. So she doesn't even know what to do with this thing.

I need you to understand that's what it looks like.

And oftentimes because we're not used to it, it's going to feel like smothering.

Okay.

All right, let me see what else y' all talking about. Okay. You asked about older, non black men grow. Good. You're just gonna have to talk to the guys that are your age. Look to see if the feet are pointing toward you. If they're pointing toward you, they want you, girl.

No, shade. Get into it.

Literally, just having a conversation with my clients about this. A lot of us, because we didn't get a lot of life in elementary, junior high school, college, we think nobody's checking for us, girl, they're all checking for you.

Okay.

All right. Kiss My archive said hi. And where I love your content. Thank you. Roxanna said, how can we get that type of attention from men we actually like? You know what the gag is?

The gag is you're gonna have to date everybody and see who likes you the most. And out of the guys that are, like, are pursuing you, you're going to choose one of them.

Easiest dating strategy that you can do. Pick out of the guys that are like, love you, you got to pick one of those guys. Many, many of you all are picking men that don't like you. I think some of us have a rejection kink. No shade. And because maybe we rejected a lot by our parents or other people, other relationships. And so it feels familiar to us.

Y' all are acting like you're actors.

Getting rejected by each and every job you get, waiting for the big break.

No shade. But you probably have three to five guys that are obsessed with you right now, but you never give the time of day to.

Spill it in the chat, honey. Spill it in the chat.

Someone said you were right about BLK dating site. And you know what? Those sites talk so much shit about me because I never recommend them. And it's because they have shitty guys on their app.

Dish said, missed you for sure. Thank you, girl.

BLK is the worst. BLK and then Black Gentry.

They seem all married. They're. Most of them are married now. I will tell you, 20 to 30% of guys on apps are married. That's including separated men, by the way, on blk and black gentry. Girl, no shade. It's almost 50%.

If you want a married man, go on blk or black gentry.

Stg said, do you only coach women? I sure do.

I sure do.

Black woman, Korean men. What's your thought? My thought is that if you want to be a lesbian, just come out because the Korean men have nothing but a vajayjay down there.

Squid Game. T isn't Squid Game 2 coming out soon?

Because that's what you're going to be living in in a second.

Kia said, I found love. Thank you. You're so welcome, girl. You're so welcome.

Honey. What you're going to see is I think in 2025, I'm really going to let the girls have it. And when I say the girls, I mean the boys.

Jen Marie said, and we're doing the Lord's work. I'm doing what I can for God in my country.

But yeah, girl, no holds bar girl.

Good idea. Said, you've helped me so much. Thank you.

Loveless said, I'm in Memphis, so do I need to move? No, girl, you just need to.

Maybe you don't have to move far, girl. You live in Germantown. South Haven, a suburb of Memphis, but not Memphis proper. Girl.

Let me see what's going on. Bad mom said your inbox about to be flooded. I know, girl. That's okay, girl. I'm going to have my team get into it. Girl.

You can DM me on IG, on TikTok aatingcoach, amwar if you want to be part of my beta group and my survey group for my app, that solution that I'm coming up with.

Linus said, your advice changed my life. I love you bad. Thank you, girl.

Sadie said, I also conducted a UX case study for dating apps. If you're hiring product. Not yet, girl.

Grace said not. You finished a book? Yeah, girl, finish finito.

Tony said, I feel like I won't find love. Girl, the research says that 89 of people will find love. You just don't know when you're gonna find it. That's the tea. Anna Marie said, when is your latest podcast coming out? I did a podcast episode last Wednesday about dating, forgiveness. And so not tomorrow, but in about a week I'm gonna put another episode out. I do it every two weeks, girl.

Okay.

Someone said, what about Asian women? What about them, girl?

Y' all can come to the party. I help all women, girl. I got Asian women, Muslim women, Middle Eastern women, Indian women, obviously black women, Latinas, and some white women, too.

Someone said, is my podcast on Spotify? It better be.

Okay, let me see what y' all are talking about. And thank you all so much for the almost 37, 000 likes. I appreciate it. Oh, my God. Not y' all giving me this cap as if I'm in junior high. Honey, not that straight tea. Can y' all believe that I almost gave straight straight tea when I was growing up?

And I said, your advice is the realest. I've never. I've seen. I've never skipped a video. Thank you, girl. Rika said, I. I have literally fell out and wear that Korean comment. What about it?

I'm tired of these boys, so I'm gonna share all their tea. They already hate me. They can't help. They can't hate me more.

You know what's so funny and what I love about you all supporting me and loving me so much.

That I am so protected from so much of the hate that I don't even experience it. So I love you all for that. So much because I really. People are saying, oh, my God, they're gonna hate you even more. I'm like, where's the hate?

You know, my clients are talking about. Oh, they talk about you on podcasts, on radio, blah, blah, blah, blah. Girl, I'm surrounded by the blood of Jesus and by all of you. So thank you so much.

Gigi said, Arizona men are the worst. I would want to live in Arizona if I were y'. All.

That's just me. Okay, Sunshine said, I'm afraid the guy I'm talking to is DL or bi. He's very feminine. What to look for? So don't gag on the femininity, girl. Like, like, actually.

The guys that are kind of feminine are actually more like, okay with themselves and they're just being themselves. So femininity is not a thing. Like, most of the DL guys that I used to mess with were like, very straight acting.

Very.

So gag on that. So DL guys. So I think by guys have a lot of piercings. So if he has a nose piercing and multiple ear piercings and any. Any other piercings. Buy tea Buy.

DL is like.

It'S, it's, it's. You want to DL guys, if they're super homophobic, they're probably DL.

If they are, like, bring a gay guy around them.

First of all, the gay guy will. Well, we'll clock it immediately. But if he's giving that guy, if he's talking about that guy, if he is looking at that guy a little bit too long. Gay, gay, gay, gay, gay, gay.

Like, that's why a lot of these Christian guys that are giving homophobia tea, girl. That's why these pastors, you always. You always hear about them.

Doing some of the little boys.

Gay for no reason.

Yeah, yeah, the hood boys. I was saying this in my last slide, but is 100% true. And this is especially true for black men. These guys like butt. They don't care where the butt is coming from. They just like butt. Look at these men's feeds on ig. Look at these music videos. It's just butt. They're not even into the breasts anymore, girl. They don't care about the face. They don't care about, you know, the titas. They just care about the butt.

Girl. No shade. Like, I literally could put on a wig and be the girl.

Cuz that's. Girl. That's all they're into, girl. That's all they're into.

If I'm lying, I'm dying.

Let me get some of my kombucha. I'M a white woman. Let me put some of my kombucha.

What was the name of that cartoon? Beavis and buttheads. They're all butt heads, girl. But. But, but, but, but, but, but.

Yeah. Mm.

Why are y'.

All. When you said sharing his double life right now? I'm not. Girl, I wish I had a double life, girl. I am a suburban mother of three.

Okay, Someone said, can you tell if he's good in bed from the first. From a first date? Great question. So you. You can tell if the way that he hands you things, right?

Hand him something. Hand him, like, a salt shaker.

Hand it like a salt shaker. If he grabs it, grabs it away from you, he's gonna grab the punani.

If he receives it, he's gentle with it. Look at how he's eating. If he eats like an animal. And this is count. This is like, maybe some of y' all are gagging because you're like, oh, my God. He's like a heathen. No, you want a heathen. You want somebody that eats crazy because he's gonna eat you crazy. Okay? You hear me, ladies?

He. He's talking with his. With his mouth open. He's eating with his mouth open, girl. Guess what? You want his mouth open? Talking to you while he's eating, too, girl.

Talk dirty while you eat. Talk dirty while you eat.

Tired of it, honey. Tired of it.

If you're a verbal girl, put verbal in the chat, honey, Because I'm a verbal girl. You gotta tell me I'm dirty, honey. You gotta tell me I've been a bad girl.

Girl. I'm not seeing a lot of verbal. Y' all leaving me alone on this, y', all. Y', all. I'm die. I'm dying alone here. Somebody put verbal in the. In the chat, girl. I don't want to be the only one. Okay, good. Lots of verbal. Lord, I thought I was just the only girl alone. Someone says, she talks back, girl. My mom told me never to talk back.

Someone told me. My mom told me it was disrespectful. But I'm a verbal girl, so I need verbal verbs. All the verbs.

Yeah. Someone said loud and proud. All right, girl.

So, yeah, if he eating crazy like that, girl, let him.

Okay?

So that's another way to find out on the first date if. If you know, if he's good in bed. The other thing is.

If y' all go dancing, right?

The men that are holding up the wall are usually not good in bed. The wallflowers, the men that are out there dancing usually are pretty good in bed. Okay.

Yeah.

T Valley said, my situation wants to be my situation forever. Omg. Like a situationship girl. Don't do that. Don't do that. Don't do that. Oh, my God. Everybody in here is verbal. Y' all are nasty verbal girls. That's why you my people. That's why you my girls. That's. That's why we. That's why. That's why we. We go together real bad. Now I'm seeing it because I was looking at some of y', all. I was like, some of these girls are real bougie. But now I see why we go together real bad. I see y' all now.

Okay. Someone said Asia said girl. I love when he says good girl.

Oh, girl. Not good girl.

Okay. Someone asked thoughts on dating a man of many words.

No, that's not going to work. That's not going to work.

Why? Because you don't want to feel like you're at a TED Talk every time you're hanging out with him.

Someone asked M I, y C said, what is your opinion on situationships?

I don't have an opinion about situationships because I'm a dating coach. Situation shipping is not dating.

It is probably one of the most disrespectful things that a man can do.

Men know that women want to be in relationships. So when a man puts you in a situationship, he is dangling a carrot in front of you and he is using you. I want you to understand that a situationship is a man using you.

Mostly for sex, but companionship. Probably a therapist.

I want you to understand that.

Being in a situationship is worse than being a friends with benefits.

So I want you to understand that, like friends with benefits, which is already you playing yourself. Situationship.

Talking.

Being courted, girlfriend and boyfriend. Serious relationship marriage. See how low that is? And you, you don't get out of that situation show.

Do you understand? Trash Basura.

Yeah.

Don't do it, ladies.

Don't do it. Someone said, I don't think he's reading the Tik tok comments. There's 1500 people in here. I can't read them all. Girls. Maybe I could if it was Braille.

But I can't.

Multilingual. Yeah, girl, I know six languages. The thing about what y' all need to know is when I talk about all of these men and their D sizes, it's because I've lived around the world and I have.

Experienced.

Each and every one of these men.

Okay? Bianca said, do I have a YouTube channel? Yes. It's called Dating Coach Anwar. Fran said you do you speak English? Oui. I live in Montreal.

Girl. My partner is French Canadian, girl. My kids speak French, English and German.

Sebastian has gotten around it, Girl, I didn't say all that.

Girl. You don't know me like that, girl. I didn't say I got around.

Girl.

Some of y' all getting real comfortable, real familiar, real fast.

SMB said, Anwar has lived. That's better. That's better, girl.

Yeah. No disrespect tolerated here. I'm a lady first and foremost. I'm a second and more foremost.

The name of the podcast is get yout Guy Coaching. Yeah.

Good. Okay, good. Let me see what the tea is. Let me see what the tea is.

When a man comments on your pics, is that a sign of flirting or interest on ig? Yeah, totally. Totally.

Engage. See if he makes it happen.

People say I'm wilin'. Someone said T. Young Kibi Kwame. Honey, these Kibi Kwamen, these men in Quebec, specifically Montreal.

Girl, they. They like the black girls.

They like the black girls.

Okay, get into it. Any tips on dating a Japanese man?

You better be ready for that kink, girl. That's all I gotta say.

They're average. Their stuff is brown. Like, literally the skin tone of, like, a Latino man. And they're into that kink. Any man, like the Japanese, the Italians, the Germans, anyone who lost World War II, they're into kink. They're into kink.

Must have been when they lost, girl. That's how they got over it. The kinkier the better. Made them forget about everything. Honey.

Okay.

Just be. Said a man that checks all the boxes but has anger issues, what do you think? He can't check all the boxes if he has anger issues. That's emotionally unsafe. So he doesn't have the emotional quotient to actually be angry in a relationship with you.

Someone said, do Japanese men like black women? Women of color? No shade. Japanese people don't like anyone that's not Japanese.

It's not even about black.

Girl. They don't even like the white people.

So what? Okay, People are asking about Kiwi qua men. Here's. Here's how I think about it. There are different kinds of white men.

There is like your.

Dcd, which is like.

Dc and then D. It's like the political white man, straight edge suit, wearing clean. And then you have.

Dwd, which is like dirty white dick.

Kibi KWA men. There's a. There's a grunge to them. There's the French part, right? They're dwd. Okay, but that's my tea, right? I don't like it clean. I don't like political. Whatever. No, people are saying ew. It's not ew. It's more like.

Grungy. It's like beards, right? It's like, sometimes longer hair. It's just like, I don't care. It's not, like, actually dirty ladies. Okay.

Okay. It sounds like a lot of people are not ready for this conversation. Okay. Some people are. Someone said, I like that. Dwd. Yeah. Yeah. It gets you, right, girl. Yeah. Rustic tea.

Someone said, explain the three date rules. So on date three.

I want you all. I tell this to my clients. This is client T, by the way. You're welcome. I always tell my clients that I want you. I want them to get them a small gift.

A small gift? $25 or less to show appreciation for him taking you out. Now, this man has to have paid for everything, has.