Dating Q&A - 12-10-24

Foreign.

Welcome, welcome. I hope everyone is doing well. Hello. Have you missed me? How are we doing? It's December. Hi, Miss Taryn. Hello, ladies. Welcome, welcome, welcome.

What is the tea, girl? What's really going on? Hello, Anno. Hello, Clarice. Hey, star. Hey, Yana. Ms. Tea. Hey. Dear Creative Diary. Hey, Hosan. Hosanna.

Ms. D. Garrett said, hey, handsome. Girl, stop flirting with gay dudes. It's not a good look. Stop it.

We staying off dating apps for December. I know that's right, girl. Stay off those dating apps. Honey. Ain't nothing good out there in December. Girl.

Ain't nothing good on those apps in December. There's a concept called snow.

Y' all are laughing.

Yeah, snow globe. And girl, and it's all about these guys who basically love bomb you during the winter time. And then, girl, right when New Year's comes, girl, it's like he never knew you. He's all romantic. It's giving Hallmark movie rom com tea. It's feeling real romantic on Christmas and New Year's. Then after that, they cut you.

Yeah.

That's why we're off at the apps in December. Okay?

I love it. I love it, I love it. Queen Lola said, I found my man because of you. I love to hear it, girl. I love to hear it. December, get all your pictures together, girl. All those times you're going out, the holiday parties, the company parties, the galas, girl, this is where you get your pictures up, okay? Now, for those of you that don't know me, my name is Coach Anwar. I'm a dating coach for black and brown women. And on these lives, what I do is I'm gonna help you level up in love and dating. So I'm gonna answer your questions. Questions about, you know, love, dating, relationships, men or women, we are very inclusive around here. And I'll just give it to you straight, no chaser, like I usually do, okay? We're all family here, so we're gonna kiki and we're gonna have a little bit of fun as well. But at the end of the day, I want. Good for you. I want us to learn something a little bit more, have more knowledge after this live than we did before it. Okay? So if you're interested at all in, like, working with me and you're like, oh, I want more personalized attention, definitely. Go to the link in my bio and book a consultation call. Or you can also listen to my podcast. It's called the Gidget Guy Coaching Podcast. Now, if you like what I'm saying, and you're like, that makes sense. That's a gem. He's spilling, girl. Tap, double tap, triple tap that screen. Like, like, like, like, like, give hearts. Give hearts. Like you were giving out.

Whatever you were giving out when you were younger. No shade. So.

And we're going to have some fun. Okay. Yeah. Okay. Let me see what y' all are talking about, cuz I already know y' all acting out. Yeah.

Let me see what y' all are acting out right now. Latrice said. My favorite dating coach. Hey, Latrice, girl. And I close it. You are amazing. Thank you.

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Thank you, Jay, for the finger heart. Okay, The T is men don't approach anymore. They want you to chase them. I literally just got off of a group call with my clients, and we were talking about. Last week we talked about ways to open the space, and this week we talked about three places that they need to go to to complete their offline strategy. Right. Because in my program, we date with strategy in the comments. Let me know if you don't have it. If you don't have a dating strategy, put Nostrategy in the comments, in the chat, I want to see it. If you don't have a dating strategy, I want to know. Because here's the thing, ladies. Y' all pretty much have strategy for everything else in your lives. I know professionally y' all have strategy. You come with a strategic mindset. I. I know personally everything that you do, you do it in a certain way. Right. That's a strategic framework. That's a strategic way in which you're doing things. But for some reason, most women don't have a dating strategy. Girl, if you went to work without a strategy, you know what would happen? You would get fired. And now you know what's happening. No shade. But many of y' all are getting fired in dating. Yeah. So let me see what. What the girls are giving. I want to see. Oh, girl, I'm seeing a lot of no strategy. Someone said no strategy adjacent. Girl, that's no strategy. Stop doing it. Girl. If you're hood adjacent, you're in the hood. Stop.

Okay. I'm saying some no strategy here. Someone said kind of strategy. That's no strategy. No shade. Okay, girl, I'm seeing a lot of no strategy. Ladies, we've got to get on our strategy.

Strategy.

Y' all are killing me.

Literally, y' all are going into the world blind and deaf and mute with no strategy.

That's hard. That's tough. You hear me?

Yeah.

Okay, so we got to get that strategy together, ladies. You hear me? Someone said, give us strategy, girl. I give my clients strategy. I. I can't. I'm not giving you strategy, girl.

I have. Someone said, blind, deaf, and mute is crazy.

But, girl.

But, girl.

Is it, though?

Is it. Okay, let's get into it. Blind. Some of y' all don't see what these men are doing right in front of your face. Death. Some of y' all not hearing what they're really telling you, Ace. Death. Some of y' all not hearing what they're really telling you.

Some of y' all not communicating the way that you need to communicate to get what you want in these relationships and in courtship.

Am I really crazy or am I spitting? That's the question.

Okay, honey. He says things like, you know what? You can do so much better than me, girl. He's telling you the tea. Believe him.

Girl. When he is.

Not texting you regularly, don't be blind to it. When he says things like, you're. He's busy. Don't be blind to that.

That means he not into it. I was just telling my clients, not too long ago, I was talking to one of my clients who's in a relationship right now. She's probably gonna get engaged probably before the new year.

And she said, yeah, she lives in New York City. She said, I need a car. I think I'm going to get my mom's car. Who lives in Atlanta. Don't you know? This man flew down to Atlanta, got that car, and drove it up to New York City for Atlanta, Got that car and drove it up to New York City for her.

That's what it looks like, ladies. Anything less would be uncivilized.

That's what we're going for. Okay? So with that said.

Okay, Negra said your video on hair color. Spot on. Redhead with braids. I got two. And a possible mixed dude in Jamaican. And in the wings, a Lebanese dude. Honey, color braids, girl, they're gonna. They're gonna give it to you. You. Yeah, honey, that's her man. Man.

Okay, let me see what y' all are talking about. Lisa said, wasted nine years with a man, no ring. Don't ever be with a man more than two years if you're not engaged or married. Please, ladies, please.

Yeah, whatever you do. Whatever you do, girl. Yeah.

Okay, let me see what y' all are asking. Let's get into these questions, because I really want to level that level up.

Someone said married. So strategy. That's the other thing I want to let you all know. Just because you see a lot of these people that are getting married doesn't mean they're winning. I think so many of us equate, oh my God, she's getting married, she's having a baby with this guy as, oh my God, she's winning. She's ahead of me, girl. Most of these people haven't done the work to actually be in successful relationships. And especially if they're a black couple, that divorce rate is so high, it's crazy. 70% divorce rate. 77. 0. Got to do the work. Got to do work to get to the point where you are actually being able to attract and be in relationship with another man that has done the work and that is healthy so that you can thrive in a relationship.

Okay, so for those of you that are begging for strategy, no shade. I have a strategy starter course and link in my bio if you want that. But that's just going to teach you how to date. It's not going to teach you how to heal. And healing is actually great, girl. Nine tenths of the law, girl. Just like possession.

That's the key. That's the T. You can have all the strategy in the world, but girl, if you're a bitch, you're a bitch. That's no shade. If you have unhealed trauma and you get triggered every other minute, that's going to be a problem. I don't care what strategy you have. Okay? Said with love and respect. No shade. Okay, okay. Someone said concepts of a strategy. All right, y' all trump dating now I see.

Yeah.

Thank you, young madam. She said cj, she says she likes my Urman. My man got me this BT Dubs.

Okay, Fatu said, talk to me about light skin man again, because I'm failing. Failing. Falling for one. Not gonna lie, girl.

In the chat, ladies, because we're all family here.

Let me know your experience with lighter skinned or biracial men.

In the chat. Let me know, let me know. Let me know what it, what it's look like. Let me know. Someone said run, sis. Someone said dramatic. Someone said run. Someone said bad. Someone said very entitled. Never again. No, ma'. Am. Anger issues, girl. Run hard. Pass run. Don't do it, sis. Storm said, all I've dated run from the light brights. When you see the light, I want you to think that.

Oh my God, I might be dying and going to heaven. But girl, you're not ready to die. Don't die in dating. That's what happens when you go toward the light, girl. Don't go toward the Light.

Yeah. Don't do it.

Don't do it. You're not ready to go yet. You got so much more to live of your life.

Okay?

Yes. They think they have their prize. They've been treated like the prize all of their life.

So if you.

Want to be a no Shade servant, assistant chief of staff for them, get you one of them.

Okay.

Yeah. I said chief of staff.

Oh, lordy, lordy, lordy. Okay.

Lily said, should I go to the bar alone and just smile and be open? You can do that. You can do that if you want. You'll get a little bit of life.

Yeah, so you can definitely do that. You want to position yourself next to people that you want to talk to and start conversation.

If you go to a sports bar or something, that is a little bit more ruckus. You don't want to go alone. You want to go with a girlfriend or two. Maximum two girlfriends, never more than that. Or it's giving sorority tea. Go with a girlfriend and then y' all can play Greased Lightning with the boys.

You know what I mean? Jelly bean.

Rebellious at Amy. I wore my fro today and got so much love. I love that. Yes, honey.

Let'S talk about it. My set. Why bar it feel like that gives escort. If you're doing that in like a luxury hotel, then a lot of these businessmen will think that you're an escort. A lot of these men, when they're traveling, girl, they think that that's their opportunity and their license to cheat. If they're not home, they think that they're single. They think, oh, if I'm in another land, I can be another man.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So don't do it. Okay. JL Said, what if they are light skinned on accident? What? Both parents brown, but he came out lighter, girl. Give him a pass, girl.

Sarah said, how does your dating timeline work for women with children? Same timeline. I'm getting a lot of questions from single mothers like Anwar. What advice do you have for me, girl? Same advice. I think that some of, some of you all might think.

It'S, it's significantly different.

For you here, but it doesn't have to be. All of the advice that I share here is applicable to you as well. I need you to understand that. The only difference is you're going to need a babysitter's club to babysit those babes while you out dating.

That's it. A lot of people are like, yeah, there are a lot of men that feel like, you know, we're used up or, you know, broken Those aren't the men that you, you need to be dating. Those men are not in the consideration set I don't even like. So if you're a Democrat, then you're not giving any Republican life. If you're a single mother and you're giving these guys that are talking shit about single mothers lives, it's the same as if you a Democrat and you all about that abortion and you all about Trump.

Girl, give them no life. That's not your reality. That's not your ministry. Let some other women who need to go on their own healing journey deal with those men.

Yeah.

Yeah. Someone said, do you accept everyone who applies for your services? I do not. I do not. There are some women that are ready and there are some women that are not. I want to make sure that the women that are ready that are coachable.

Are coachable. So that's why we have these consultation calls to figure that out. Yeah, I could easily just put a link in there and people can boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, join. But if we're doing coaching, I want to make sure that you're coachable so that we can get you to your love goals. Today I had a client, 65 years old, get her guy.

These are the moments that really warmed my heart.

When someone has been married for 20, 25 years and felt like I couldn't be myself, I couldn't do me, I couldn't right explore the totality of who I am and be expansive. And then they come into the program and within six months they got their person. Girl, I'm gagged. I'm like, yes, girl, let's get this retirement on. Yeah, let's ride out in the sunset, honey.

Let'S get our AARP on.

I love my clients and I'm so happy for them. I had another client email me a couple hours ago in Chicago talking about she got into a relationship. So just FYI, we get about three to four women into relationships a week. We get about one to two engagements a month in my program. So if you are interested in working with a dating coach, you should ask them about their results and their stats. Yeah, most people won't have that because they don't have the success rate. Just FYI. Okay.

How does one sign up for the program? You go to the link in my bio and you apply to book a consultation call.

Yeah.

Lily said. Thoughts on guys that are heavily tatted? Are they bad boys? Some are, some aren't. I don't think that you can really generalize them. Some of their. Some of these Boys that are so tatted up, they're doing that because.

They want to feel powerful, but they're really teddy bears inside. All right? So.

That'S been a good part of experience with those kinds of guys. Okay, tips for dressing for a first date, things to do leading up. I don't really give fashion advice. I mean, if they want my advice, I ask my clients to give me, okay, what are the two outfits? And I would share with them what I think looks best on them. But I want you to understand something.

You need to wear what makes you feel comfortable and sexy and confident. That's it.

So you have that answer for yourself. You should be able to answer that for yourself.

I don't want you dressing for men.

That's centering them, and you're going to need to center yourself. Who cares about them? You're the main entree. You're the main meal. They're just the dessert.

I want you to live your life that you're so stuffed with yourself that sometimes you can eat the dessert and sometimes you can't.

Do you hear me?

Rebellious said, I'm attracting mostly feminine men. It's probably because you're masculine. Relationships are about compliments, okay? So if you're in your masculine energy, and unfortunately many black and brown women are, just based on how many of us are raised and based on the lack of feminine, energetic love as we're growing up.

You will attract.

Hyper toxic masculine men who will want to forcibly submit you into your feminine or highly feminized men that are looking for a mother.

That's it. So part of this work and part of what I help my clients do is help balance the scales so that we have a good amount of feminine, a good amount of masculine, so that we can be, you know, attracting those, what I call Alphabet men that are a little bit, that are alpha, that can take charge, that can provide, but also that are beta, that have that emotional availability.

Okay, that's important. Now, if you don't want to be in your feminine energy, girl, is 2024 about to be 2025? Girl, be in whatever energy you want to be in. If you're in your masculine energy, then get with a feminine, energetic man. Girl, get with a nurse, get with a teacher, get with a house husband, get with an actor.

Yeah.

Good. Sweet said. Are age gaps necessary? Well, I always say if you are.

40 and younger, your age ranges should be plus 10 years, minus 5 years. If you are.

Over 40, you probably want to have about.

5 to 10 years older and then like 6 years younger. Okay.

Yeah.

Okay. Let me see what y' all are talking about.

Kilo said how long is too long to wait for a text back?

The fact that we're asking this question lets me know that we're hyper focused on a potentially a specific man. Right. I want us to be talking to so many men that you don't even know how long it's been.

What I will say is if I haven't heard from a man in three days, he's out.

By.

Your future husband would never do that.

I know that for a fact.

I have clients that are in a relationship with doctors and they're calling them during surgery.

And the doctors are getting back to them during surgery to let them know I'm in surgery right now. Call you back in two hours.

So when a man can't text you back when he says, oh, I'm busy, don't believe him.

He's lying.

If somebody calls you to let you know that you've won a million dollars.

You'Re going to take that call. You're going to reach out pretty quickly.

You have to understand that you're a million dollars. And anyone who doesn't believe that you're a million dollars.

Should not be living in your world.

So this is like a concept we talked. We talked about a lot in this program called Main Character Energy, where you are it.

So in the chat, let me know what. Who are your.

Who is like the celebrity of all celebrities for you? Who is that person that, like, when you see them on the tv, you hear them on the radio, you're like, oh, my God, she is it.

I'm seeing Beyonce, Mariah Carey, Michael B. Jordan. Yes, she is it. No Shade, Gabrielle Union, Kiki Palmer, Naomi Campbell. You have to.

Understand that you're that girl.

And the same way that you think about them.

These men have to think about you. Dochi bae, Demi Moore, Toni Braxton, Kelly Rowland, Rihanna, Lori Harvey, Nia Long, Aretha Franklin, Sierra Zendaya.

Someone said Anwar. White girl. Stop.

Girl. A mess. A mess. But you will get an A for the day. You will get an A for the day. Yeah. So the same way that you think about those people, these guys have to think about you that way. Those are the only guys that you should be giving life to.

Okay.

All right, good. Honey, y' all are acting out. Someone said, are you accepting new applicants? Yes. Yes, yes, yes. For sure. We have about another week and then I'm closing up shop, honey. Because girl, she's tired, Girl been working hard.

Yeah. Kunda said, anwar, what if he Asked you to pay for the second date. If he's asking you to do that before. Before the day, just let him know, oh, I don't feel comfortable paying for dates for men, but if that's something that you want to do, no problem. I want to wish you the best of luck. All right. If you're on the day, just let them know. Actually, I. I just. I'm going to take care of my meal. But I also. I want to let you know that this probably isn't going to work.

Yeah. If he says split, you got a split from that date.

That's it.

Username said. How do I bring up. I don't want kids. You better bring that up. You want to bring that up fairly early so you can have that on your profile if you're online dating, but probably within the first one to two dates, you can. You are going to want to share that. Yeah.

Someone said, been listening to your everywhere. Been working so been. It's been working so far. Gave a gift on date for he ain't going nowhere. I know it, girl. Honey, no shade. But these men.

They are simple, but they're not easy.

Yeah.

Healthy. L said they should have had you on Netflix show later daters. Girl, we're girl, I'm having my own show for black women.

Yeah. So we got you.

Okay. Someone said in your program, do you recommend places to meet men? I sure do, but it's basically based on.

It's based on your main character energy and your natural flirt style.

Okay. And then based on that, again, like I was telling y' all earlier, it's all about strategy.

Right. We use those things to inform what sort of places you should be going to. Okay.

So, yeah, let me see what else y' all are talking about.

JBA said, do you believe the man has to like the woman more for the relationship to work? 100%.

He must like you more and he must love you more. And the reason is, is because he's going to do more for you than you are going to do for him. Everything that you do for him should be in reciprocation of what he has done for you. A lot of y' all think that you're playing Sister Act 3 here in the nunnery. You know, giving these guys and doing things for these men without them doing things for you. No, these men have to do for you before you do for them.

Okay?

I need you to understand that and no shade, but I want you using that in all of your relationships, family and friendships. Okay? I'm going to tell you something that I told my clients. And I'm going to need y' all to do what you, what you want with it.

You ready?

Stop giving your family money. You're not their daddy.

If you're giving your family money, you're in your masculine.

It's not your job to take care of your family. It's not your job to take care of other people. If you want to be taken care of.

Someone said, tell my folks that. I'm not going to tell your folks that.

You tell them. Someone said, just wired 1500 girls. Cancel it.

If you can't set boundaries with your parents or with your family, you won't be able to set boundaries with men.

I already know. If you, if you given money to your family, you probably need to work with me. No shade.

Okay?

Yeah. Don't give money to anybody because once you're doing that, you're what you're telling yourself couple of things. One.

I have to take care of other people. No.

That guy is going to take care of you. Right. And ultimately what happens is a lot of us will do that because we think.

This is how I'm going to relate to them. This is how they're going to love me. That might be your definition for love. To love and to be loved. Your future partner.

Is going to be in love with you and you won't have to do a damn thing. And you have to be in the practice of not doing a damn thing to create space for your person.

There's no way that your future person is going to be able to provide for you if you providing for other people.

So if you're doing that, you're not ready. And that's no shade, but you get to do it.

It's not your job.

Do I want to offer that? Whoever is ready to receive that.

Someone said, what about siblings? What about them?

What about them?

Someone said, do men test you? Yeah. Just like you test men. Right. So when, when men say.

So how long you been single? Or when they say.

Why are you single? Or when they say.

What happened in your last relationship?

They're testing you.

When men give you a compliment, they're testing you.

Right.

So when they ask those questions about your relationship history, they want to know are you insecure about it? If you give some sort of snarky response or. Right. Or you're fidgeting and you're over explaining something or you're trying to joke around about it.

He'S going to think you're crazy.

If you're a matter of fact about it, and you're like, yeah, I've been dating, but I just haven't found my person.

See how matter of fact and chill that is?

Someone said, can you take live questions? I'm taking them on chat. I don't want to have people talking for a long period of time doing X, Y, and Z. So that's not. That's not this kind of life. You got to go somewhere else for that. Go to Ashley Dalton. Go to. What's the girl's name? Something G. Kendra. D. Go there.

Girl. Collins are annoying.

They are annoying. Girl.

Yeah, they're gonna. Yeah.

Girl. If I wanted to hear people talk about their tea. Girl, watch tv.