Dating Q&A -12-18-24

Hello, hello, hello.

Hello, hello. Hello, ladies. I hope everyone is doing well. Hey, sh. Hey, sis.

Jaden said you going live. Just made my day. That better be the case, girl.

Hello, everyone. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. Welcome, welcome, welcome. Good to see you. Good to see you.

I am Nadia. Say, am I. Don't get on here starting ish. Girl. I started all the time. I wish I knew how to stop it. Hello, ladies. Hey, Jennifer. Hey, Chrissy. Hello. I hope everyone is doing well. For those of you that don't know me, my name is Coach Anwar. I am a dating coach for black and brown women. And I. I help women learn how to date with strategy. I help women learn how to heal their hearts, and I help women learn how to get into the bas. Best relationship of their lives. Yeah. So for those that are new here, you know what I'm going to do?

I'm going to answer your questions. So any dating questions that you have about love, dating, relationships, men or women grow, you know, we don't discriminate over here. Put it in the chat.

And I am going to answer each and every one of those questions, at least as much as I can. Because, ladies, there's going to be a lot of women up in here talking all that.

You already know. Yeah. So put those questions in here and then I am going to answer them. And if you are interested in working with me or learning more about what I do, definitely go to the link in my bio there. I have a way for you to join my newsletter to listen to my podcast and to book a consultation call if you want to work with me. Okay. Now, if there's anything that I say that you feel resonates with you, that you feel like, oh, he's spilling tea. He's providing the gems, as the kids would say. Definitely. Tap, tap, tap, tap, double tap, triple tap that screen. Give me those hearts, girl. All of it. Give me those hearts like you used to give it away, girl. In college. Was I the only one?

I guess so. I guess so. Guess y' all gonna be stingy with those hearts like. Like you were stingy with that punani in college, honey. She said she wanted to get those A's and not give away those that p. I'm not mad at you, honey. I'm not mad at you, honey. We had to get our education.

Yeah.

Am I starting up already? Am I starting up already?

Am I starting up already?

Oh, my gosh.

All right, let me see what's going on. Someone said.

Is it. Do you think I would have more success finding the one in London. 100%. 100%.

Honey. Go to London, honey. Cheerio.

Hey. Hey.

Better yet, honey, go to Ireland, girl.

Get you a lucky charm.

You hear me?

Just follow the rainbow, girl.

Follow that rainbow.

Not the gay one. Not the gay one. Okay, let me see what's going on here because y' all are already getting me to act out. And I didn't even know I was going to do that.

Someone said, I love the tree in the background. Thank you, girl. You know.

Yeah. I had to get that. That black angel, girl. I had to get that black angel, honey. Because, you know, no shade. But, honey, those white angels aren't doing it, honey. I need a real Christmas miracle. I need that real Christmas miracle, honey.

You hear me? All right, let me see what the tea is. May said, follow you a few months ago. Now married to the love of my life that treats me like an absolute queen. Awesome. I love that Samantha Said, who is dating tall girls?

The stocky guys. The tall guys. When you're a tall girl, like, I want you to put height. Like, I want you to take it all the way off the table.

I want you to. I want you. I always say this, and I. I believe it to be 100% true. And it is this. If you're a tall girl, you gotta ride all the rides. You can't just ride the scary ones at Six Flags. You gotta ride the kiddie rides, too.

Yeah.

Because if you're 5, 10, 5'11 and you just want to get with some guy that is taller than you, you're only gonna be talking to 15 to 20% of the population.

I don't like those odds. And you shouldn't either.

You hear me? A lot of girls are like, I need someone taller than me. You want someone taller than you because you want to feel feminine. But feminine. And feminine energy has nothing to do with the physicality. Someone said, is that code for short, like Kevin Hart? No, girl, I didn't say dwarfism.

I said girl. Date some guy that's 5, 8, 5 9, which is the average height of a man.

Yeah. Someone said, I don't like fun sized men. I know that's right, honey. I like my Snickers regular size, no shade.

Yeah.

Now let me ask you this, girl.

Let me ask you this, because I know some of you girls, some of the girls haven't had it in a very long time. Are you one of those girls who eats their Snickers upside down because you want to feel the veins of it?

Do you want to feel the veins of the Snickers bar. Because you haven't felt the veins before or in a very long time. My celibate girls, My abstinent girls.

That's what we need to talk about.

Yes, honey. The snicker veins, girl.

Oh, you. You didn't know about that? You didn't know about the snicker veins, girl.

Some of y' all acting brand new. And I already know. Someone said me. Lynn said, yes, I do.

Yes, honey.

You all better eat that Snickers bar upside down. Honey.

Someone said they're feening for it, girl.

Keep it in your pan.

Oh, girl. All right, girl. Should I go to bed? Are we just getting started.

Or are we just getting started? What's the tea? What's the tea? Let me. Let me have some of my kombucha. So I'm a white woman.

Just someone's. They're saying, just getting started, honey. Honey, we just getting started. We just getting started.

I know that's right, honey.

All right. Okay. Let me see what's going on here. Okay. Oh, my God.

Y' all weren't ready for the Snickers.

Y' all weren't ready. Ready for the Snickers. Snicker veins.

Not that.

Someone said when to invite him to your house. Never before the fifth date. That's what I would say.

Okay.

Custom made. Said you done made me sit all the way up. Girl, you are already sitting up.

1111 said, I'm always ready for the Snickers. What you call me girl?

User 832 said. What's the topic du jour? We talk. We're talking about the girls that are. No, I'm not gonna. I'm not even gonna go back there. I'm not even gonna go back there. Brit said, anwar, I have two kids, and I want to have fun, girl. Girl, you have too much fun. You're gonna have three in a second, honey. Ready for that Brady Bunch tea?

Cece said, hey, love, how are you? I'm good. How are you? I'm feeling good. I'm feeling really good.

Girl. Honey, it's the end of the. It's the end of the year. And if you've been following me for a year, you know, in Christmas time, I let loose.

I let y' all have it. I don't know. It must be something, that eggnog. Honey.

I don't know what it is. Honey.

I don't know what it is. Okay.

Someone said, any advice for someone moving to Georgia? Don't.

Don't.

Don't do it.

You'd have Better luck moving to Alaska, girl. No shade.

Kiara said, do all men cheat? I don't think all men cheat, but I would say, you know.

It's a good 50 to 70%. And a lot of men will cheat for a variety of different reasons, right? If they're like depressed, if they are unemployed or uneducated or underemployed, they will cheat. If you are doing better than them, if you make more than them, they will cheat.

Because they're trying to, they feel emasculated. That's why you should never be with somebody that you make. If they don't make 80% of what you make or more, it's not going to work. And if you're one of the girls that makes six figures, he's got to make six. Six figures as well.

That's just it. So when you hear me, especially for my six figure black girls and brown girls, when you hear me say, I need you to date everybody, that's why. Because only 6% of black men make six figures or more versus 13% of other men.

The more, the more, the more men that you are leaving yourselves open to, the more you will find your person. And that's really what I'm here to do. I am pro black woman love. I'm not pro black love. I want y' all to find whoever your person is, I don't care who it is. As Dr. Umar said. What did he say? He doesn't care if it's ice. Well, he does care, but I don't care if it's ice, spice.

Sand. And he said something else. It was very, very crazy. But girl, white, black, Puerto Rican or Haitian, I don't care. Well, I do care if it's Haitian.

Not Haitian. Girl. Not Haitian, Not Haitian.

Okay.

Okay.

10 year, no proposal.

Girl. No, no, no. You could have gotten 10°, 2, like 2°, girl. And paid off a, a small little house. Someone said not too much on Haitian. No, girl, I haven't even started on Haitian.

Haitian is Nigerian light. It's like Nigerian unleaded. Let's put it in Nigerian terms since they only know about oil and gas.

Girl, if you're going to tell me not to do something, I'm going to do it. That's how this works. Okay? Just FYI. So this is real. This is, this is true. Tea. If you are telling men what to do, you are literally going to increase their testosterone and they're going to get defensive and want to fight you. Meaning they're gonna do exactly what you don't want them to do because you're telling them what to do. Don't ever tell a man what to do.

Someone says, stop, I'm Nigerian, I won't stop. Nigerian men don't stop.

Cheating.

Amanda said. Thoughts on guys following Instagram girls? Well, you have to see how, like how many women he's following on ig. Generally it's not an issue, but sometimes if he's following a lot of women, sometimes, sometimes he's hiding the trans women in those women. Just that.

Y' all don't want to talk about that. Y' all don't want to talk about that. Yeah.

Okay.

Glam said. How early should you discuss finances? Within three to six months of the actual relationship. When he's courting you, his finances are none of your business.

Yeah.

Liz said, When should he make it official? First three months, girl. If he doesn't want to make it happen in the first three months, he doesn't want it. Don't try to make fetch happen, girl.

How this said Are Asian men into black women? I would say a third of them are.

My ex made six figures, had five kids and two divorces. Nowhere for me to fit into his life.

Girl. No. No way. Jose.

Damned said, Is it a sign if he texts slow but looks at your stories? No, that's no sign.

Please. If you think that it means anything that a man is looking at your IG stories, I'm here to tell you it means nothing. Think about the show that you hate the most, but you still watch it. So for example, I'm still watching Real Housewives of Potomac. I hate watching that. And when he's looking at your stories, he's hate watching you.

Okay, please understand that slow text. He don't love it, he don't want it. Move on. Let him go.

In the comments, let me know the shows that you're hate watching so that you can feel like these men are feeling when they're watching your IG stories.

The Lake House. What's your take on giving an ex a second chance? If they're testing waters to rekindle your future person will never be put in a position where he was would have to have a second chance.

Someone said the Kardashians. Exactly.

Someone said sistas.

Do you want a man looking at you in the same way that you watch the Kardashians? Because that's what he's doing. Someone said Love and Hip Hop Miami.

That's how I want you to think about this. Married to Medicine is a love hate watch. Exactly. The Pop the Balloon Show. That's how he's looking at your IG stories, girl.

A mess.

Eureka. Said, did you watch the Later Daters? I watched the first episode. To be honest, it was a little bit slow for me. Like it was cute. But to, to be honest with you, it's actually the. The TV show that I will be coming out with is going to be somewhat similar to that, but just for black women. Yeah. So.

Super excited for that. But I do have to watch Later Daters for sure. I just don't have.

Bougie said, how do I break off the 10 year no proposal relationship? You let him know, hey, it's been great getting to know you. I'm not feeling a connection, but I want to wish you the best of luck. That's it. Yeah.

Okay.

Low said, how to get over a breakup. So one of the things that I had in my program is a breakup plan for women to know exactly what to do when a breakup occurs.

Yeah. Someone said the black women on the show definitely need your help on Later Daters. I caught that tea too.

There are some microaggressions happening that I wasn't 100% on board with.

Okay, so breakup. So the first thing you have to go, no contact. When you're trying to get over a breakup, you have to go no contact.

If there are women that are talking to their exes and they want to join my program, I tell them that they have to go, no, no contact first. You will never find your person. If you're still. If you are still accessible to your ex Inappropriate, that's a boundary violation.

Okay.

So that's the first step. I'm not going to go through all of the steps because you're going to have to go into my program, girl, if you want all the steps.

Okay. Kiana said, how do we date multiple people at once?

I think that it is going to be important to date a lot of different guys. A lot of you all are only swiping online. 5%. So one out of every 20 profiles. So in the chat, let me know, out of 20 profiles, how many are you swiping? Right on.

I want to see. I'm curious and nosy.

1 0, 1 2. Yeah. You're never going to find your person if you're swiping on one out of every 20.

You'll find your person in 20, 26, 2027.

You're going to want to swipe on at least 50%.

And see who makes it because these profiles are not a great representation of a lot of these men.

The thing that's really important is having a dating strategy.

Okay? If you don't have a dating strategy, it's going to be hard. It's going to be hard to find success in dating nowadays because dating is getting harder and harder. So if. Let me know if you have a strategy in the chat. So if you don't have a strategy, give me no strategy. And if you want a strategy, I have, like, a starter course that goes through my proprietary strategy that I teach all of my clients. You can pick it up if you want. You don't have to. I'm not trying to push anything. But what I do know is that most women are not taught how to be strategic when it comes to dating. A lot of our parents are not teaching us how to date. And so you're going out into these dating streets with no protection, right? It's like going into.

The sketchy part of town with nothing but Louis Vuitton on, girl. And I. I said that on purpose. If you're more successful, if you're, like, intellectually smarter, you're going to be a.

And you're just gonna get robbed. Okay, Girl. So many no strategies. It's killing me. It's killing me.

Y' all getting jacked left and right.

Come up off that watch. Come up off those shoes. Come up off that purse.

Girl.

This is how you have to think about it.

Yeah.

Jaded Said. Are you writing a book? Shan Boudram has a dating book. I love it. It's very useful. Yeah, girl, I'm writing a book right now. I'm talking to agents right now. My book is going to replace act like a Lady, Think like a man.

That book is ridiculous. Okay, Someone asked me, why are intellectuals a target? Intellectuals are a target. Smart girls are a target because you are leading with your mind and with your intellect and everything that you do. And in love, you can't do that. Love is heart based. And because you have been using your mind for everything, you're, like 200 years old, but emotionally, you might be 8 years old. So, you know, like all of those actresses and, like, you know, athletes that you see that are getting with all of these.

Trollops, all of these guys that are Swaggy McSwag that, like, have not much going for them, but they talk a good game. It's because they're smart. Keke Palmer is smart. Sky Jackson, smart. You can't be dumb to, like, act.

Simone Biles smart, disciplined women.

But when you're so used.

To being Stone Cold as a professional, you're gonna lead with this. Not with this.

Yeah.

So that's what. That's why the smart girls will have. Yeah. Olivia Pope girl.

Sierra. Exactly.

Someone said, I don't know about Sky. You got to be smart. Cuz she. She read the girls growing up. She used to read them down.

If you know how to read somebody, you're smart.

Okay. Lizzy said. What do you think about friends with benefits? I think that if you're in a friends with benefits situation, you're playing yourself. Let's break it down. A man that is having sex with you and doesn't want to commit with you is not your friend. He's using you.

Let's talk about the benefits. The benefits are that you're getting touched. That's about it. But he's getting off. And let's be honest, you're probably getting off 30 to 40% of the time.

That doesn't seem fair for me.

So it's not equal. And you're being used.

So it's more like an enemy with co pays.

Because here's the thing. If a man wants to be a friends with benefits with you.

I want to offer to you that he's probably promiscuous. Which means that there is probably more danger in your bed when you.

Benefit from him.

The benefit might be herpes.

And this is not me being approved. Because if you know me, you know I like to get in grow. I've been around the world to nait.

But I know that.

The herpes rate for black women is almost double the rate of other women.

That's not a coincidence.

Last week I went through a whole. I said. And I had to do the research. I had to go through the whole. I didn't know what the hell was happening with these STIs. HIV rates for black women. Said, this shit is dangerous.

This is crazy.

Honey, these men are not your friend.

Right? Dun dun. Give me that SVU bell, honey. Cuz that's what they're giving honey.

Predator tea.

Yeah. The gongon the sith girl. Don't be in Houston.

Don't do it. Every year.

Around fall time.

There'S another outbreak.

Yeah.

So be careful out there.

All right, Let me see what the dating questions are.

So I said, I'm in Houston and where I just go to eat and I go home alone. Because what is going on? Exactly, girl. Exactly. Okay, let me see what's going on.

Dee said, how can we prepare for the dating Super Bowl? So this is something that I'm doing with all of my clients right now. We're getting all of their Profiles together, we're coming up with a complete strategy for both online and offline. So what we do generally is we. I have a whole quiz around your natural flirt style, as well as how to get into what we call your main character energy. And we use that information to inform what sort of places you should be going to on a weekly basis in your city. One of the things that I have in my program, I have this private Facebook group, but I also have regional chats. So I have a DMV chat, an Atlanta chat, California chat. And so this is an opportunity for the ladies to come together to have accountability partners and to, you know, help each other with their strategies. Yeah. So that's the offline strategy. Online, I have my own proprietary strategy that I teach all of my clients to. How to go. How to go from first conversation to first date. First date to commitment and exclusivity. That's why I was asking about strategy, because many y' all don't have one. Yeah. And if you don't have one, girl, what are you doing? I mean, you have a strategy for everything else in your life. That's how you get results. Yeah, just Germaine said. Are you still taking on clients? Yeah, girl. This week is the last week, honey. So if you want something, you better come and get it. Better book one of these calls for they get all snatched up. Because after this week, girl, honey, I'm chilling. I've been. Girl, y' all see me in these streets. I'm working hard.

I gotta rest. Gotta rest this body, gotta. I gotta rest this poonani, honey. Because 2025 is gonna be crazy writing this book, getting this TV show together. I'm working on this app solution for ladies.

Honey. It's a big sitch.

Big fun.

Yeah.

Good, good, good, good, good, good. Okay, so. Honey, she's busy. Why are foreign men better than Americans? Americans, I would say, are more racist than. Than international men.

So if you are a woman of color.

They'Re going to be more interested in your Americanism than your color, in my experience.

Yeah. Leslie said, how do I look approachable on the daily. I don't know, girl.

The thing that I think is really important and helpful is understanding that smiling.

Is really helpful. You know those guys that are saying, why don't you just smile? They want you to smile so that they can feel like they can approach you.

Yeah.

That's why they want you to smile. They want you to be approachable so that they don't feel like they're going to be rejected. But if you Want that attention. You can smile. You can have open body language. If you like this all the time.

Or if you always on your phone, which, by the way, your phone closes you off because you're like this, and this is like a wall. If you got a drink that closes you off, it's all open, right? You want to give open girl crucifix tea.

That's the open body language that you want. Smile. Eye life. Look at them. Two seconds. Look away. Look at them smile. Yeah.

Kid said, I'm a doctor. I wear a mask all the time. Is that why I haven't met anyone? No girl, no shade girl. But the scrubs.

That shit's not hot.

Yeah, honey, that blue is not making my D jump.

That's why.

Okay, Someone said, women with HSV advice. So one of the things that I say is, I would not. I would only share my HSV. Herpes Simplex virus on physical date 3. In my experience, you.

97% of the guys that you meet will not get to a physical date three.

Okay? So that's when I would actually share that.

And that's what I tell a lot of my clients to do.

Okay.

Someone said, get some fig scrubs. They make cute ones.

Honey, if you wearing a scrub, you gonna get a scrub.

And that's on.

He doesn't have a health savings account.

Mickey said, how do you separate potential from reality? By realizing that.

Potential is not promised.

Potential is a figment of your imagination.

Potential is.

Maybe what you want.

And what you want for yourself, but it's actually very unfair for you to put potential on another person because someone's potential is very, very, very, very.

It's their journey. Right? So projecting that onto them is not giving them a level of acceptance.

Yeah. Someone said. Hold on, pause. The rich guys be wearing scrubs because they're guys.

Yeah.

Do you want to. Do you want to. You want to be a guy?

You know, it's. This world is really unfair.

And it's unfair because the better that you do in life as a woman, the fewer suitors you will be able to have. But when a man does well, the more women he will be able to get.

The shit is unfair. But what I will tell you is.

I'm not saying women can't wear scrubs. I'm just saying that the guys that you're probably looking for.

Probably aren't gonna find those scrubs hot.

Yeah. This must have really hit a nerve with people.

Someone said, thoughts on attending speed dating events? How to prepare?

I would not be putting any expectations on Speed dating events.

You'll probably meet more women than men.

You'll want to try to find a girlfriend that you can go out with. That should be your objective, going to these speed dating events.

Many of the men that are going to speed dating events are, and I say this with love and respect, probably on the autism scale or socially inept.

Not all the time, but a good portion of them.

Yeah.

Okay. Karina said, Amor speaks facts. I got engaged last Saturday. Congratulations, girl. Love to see it.

Okay.

Have you ever went to fvsu? No. I don't know what that is. No shade.

Okay, let me see what's going on here.

Let me see what the IG girls are talking about, because y' all going too fast up in here on TikTok. Honey, someone said, what career should we chase? Your own.

What I like instead of the speed dating events are the time lapse, the dinner with strangers. This is a really great way to get out and start being social. If you're one of those girls who goes to work and comes home and then watches hbo, Max, and Netflix.

Going to like, a dinners with strangers, it's a really great first step to just be social.

Okay.

I would say that.

And by the way, ladies, people are asking me questions like, can I meet somebody here or there? You can meet somebody anywhere. You just have to open your mouth and talk. Most of y' all are being cute and mute and waiting for men to approach you. I want to let you know that men are not approaching women.

In the same way that they used to.

The approach rate is a third of what it used to be. And if you are a woman of color, especially a black woman, they definitely not going to be approaching you. Except for the black dudes, girl, they always gonna be approaching, which means that you're gonna need to learn how to open this space, talk to people, position yourself to be talked to, learn how to work a room, learn how to start conversations.

Okay. Yeah. A lot of people talking about their cute and mute.

Girl.

Closed mouth doesn't get fed, and girl, I'm thirsty.

Yeah. Okay.

People saying, you got to be comfortable with rejection. You have to understand that I think y' all are taking a lot of this very seriously. Meaning y' all are going and talking to these guys or going out and hoping that these guys will talk to me in the same way that you were hoping that they were going to ask you to dance at the dance.

Girl, don't play this junior high game, okay? You're gonna have to kind of talk with a lot of different people.

I think we are, like, we're going from zero to a hundred, and we're trying to figure. We're trying to, like, get his number to try to make him my husband. Right? When you're out and about this, too much pressure, girl. Have fun. Talk to as many people as possible. I don't want you to think about this in terms of, did I get the number? Did I not get the number?

Did he get my number? No.

Did you start the conversation? Did you have a conversation? Did you connect? That's the win.

Okay? That's the win. People are saying we're on a time crunch. If you're in a time crunch because of your biological clock, girl, go freeze your eggs. The last thing that I want to have happen. And I will tell you this because I date a lot of. I date, I coach a lot of women that are 30, between the ages of 35 and 40, and they put a lot of pressure on themselves because they want to have a baby with somebody.

And they want to get married, but actually they just want to have a baby with somebody.

Please don't.

Please understand that the more pressure that you put on yourself, especially at that age, the more you will let certain things slide just to have a baby with somebody, and then a year later, it's done. Because we didn't do the due diligence necessary to figure out if this person could be a really great partner.

Yeah.

You see it all the time.

Okay, someone said dating advice for a daughter of a narcissistic father. Great question. One, you'll have to go. No contact with him.

First and foremost. Foremost, if you are not no contact with your narcissistic father.

You'Re not ready to date.

You're not ready to date. It's the first step. If you don't do that, you will always be looking for your narcissistic father. And these men, because we are creatures of habit, and even though intellectually we know that these guys are not great for us emotionally, we will be leaning toward them because that is all that we know.

So you have to go. No contact. So that you have the time and the space to shift your identity from daughter to grown ass. Woman. Woman.

If you're a black woman and you make over six figures and you're 30 years old, you need to freeze your eggs. I'm just going to call it out. Y' all keep on talking about this tea.

Why? Well, 92% of black women are marrying black men. And what you need to understand is that the average age for black men to marry is 35, all other men 30 years old.

So if you want a black man, and some of y', all, even if I yell it from the rooftops talking about date all men, you're gonna have to wait.

Till they're ready because a man will never want to start a family until he feels that he's stable and self actualized. And it takes black men longer to feel that way because of all of the.

Challenges and hurdles that he has to go through.

So I, I just want to let y' all know, if I were a black woman, that's what I would do.

Countess said, what do you think about coffee meets bagel? I like it. Is a lot of Asian dudes on there. Girl, if you, if you want a Blasian honey, go on. Coffee meets bagel.

It's more like coffee meet sushi. No shade.

But it leans very Asian.

Mika said, hi, amor. How do I stop people pleasing tendencies and dating? You're going to have to learn how to center yourself.

Which means that you're going to have to set boundaries with your parents.

If you can't set them with your parents, you won't be able to set them with men. And you will man please in dating. And when you please a man first, they have no incentive to please you.

This is why everything that you do in dating has to be in reciprocation of.

So these men have to do a lot for you, for you to do anything for them.

That's the gag here that I think a lot of people are not telling you. I want you to know something because a lot of our mothers and grandmothers are teaching us that like we do everything for everyone and then we become the person that everybody loves.

That doesn't, it doesn't work like that.

A man falls in love with you based on what he does for you, not for, not what you do for him.

In 2024, 2025, if you're doing things for him, he has no incentive to do anything for you. You're already giving.

So don't do anything for these men.

It's such a great strategy.

It's such a great strategy because the men that are.

Who really want you.

They'Ll keep on doing things for you and won't want anything in return. Will feel offended if you try to do things for them.

That's what it looks like.

You got to know something about this though. It means that you're not going to get life from 95% of these men. But you got to hold out.

You're going to have to have 150, 200 conversations with men before you find a couple that are going to be doing exactly what needs to be done.

Wait, someone said, anwar, help. After four months talking on and off. Okay, so let me just say something. If anything is on and off, it's off.

This is a boundary violation. We go on a date on Christmas week. Is it okay to give him a small gift about something we joke about now?

No. If you're not going out once a week with these men, you should not be talking to them.

You're not being courted.

You'Re being played. You know that, boss that continues to give you emails and continues to put meetings on your calendar? I want you to think about these men like that. If they're not taking you out.

Highly inappropriate.

Don't do it.

That's a gag. L said.

I was being courted. But he was married. These married mo fos will court the out of you. If he's courting you too good girl, no shade. He's probably married.

They know how to fucking court down, bitch. You hear me?

When you're saying things to yourself like, this is too good to be true, bitch, no shade. Girl, you gotta look for the. The ring tan girl. That ring tan girl.

Cause those married men know how to fucking.

You hear me?

Okay, good. I had, I had to share that tea.

Emily said, anwar, I'm a Latina woman talking to a white MLB player. What are your thoughts?

Dm me a picture of him? Girl, I want to. I want to see a couple of things.

I want to see a few things. Girl, I want to see a few things. When I look at baseball players, there are a couple of things that I want to see.

Some of these baseball players.

They got a dump truck. If he's white and he has a dump truck and he's a baseball player.

Yes, ma'. Am. If he is chewing back, it's a no, ma'. Am.

Do you hear me?

Okay, good. Yeah, the men don't wear rings anymore. They don't wear rings. 50% of the time they're not wearing their ring.

Someone said, why do we still need men anyway? This is. This is too much. So here's the gag, ladies. If you are a woman that feels like, oh, my God, there are so many rules, so many games, it's too much. I need you to know something. If you believe that, and I say this with love and respect, you're not ready to date. You're not ready to date. And if you are dating and you feel that way and you haven't done the work and you haven't studied men. You're going to get the shit rocked out of you in your dating life.

You are going to get played the hell out.

Because you said there were too many rules.

Let me tell you something.

When you were studying for that SAT to get into college, I'm pretty sure you were trying to figure out all the rules to get the right answers to get to your desired result.

It is the same thing here.

If you are still living in a rom com or a Disney movie, and I say this with love and respect.

You'Re going to need to come back to life, back to reality.

Do you hear me.

Girl?

Girl.

I love a good rom com too, girl. But I'm not gonna be the in the Hallmark movie who goes back to her small town looking for the guy who cuts trees.

What in the world?

Someone said disney princess here. And guess what? None of those princesses have mamas.

Who were going to tell them exactly what they needed to do and what they didn't need to do. Someone said, currently getting my shit rocked. Let me start studying, bitch. It's the final exam.

Final countdown for the white girls in the audience.

The girls are gagging. Yes, honey, I'm literally. Girl, think of me as your tutor. The hot cute one who's just trying to help you get the A. That's it.

That's it.

I'm trying to give you the Cliffs Notes. We're all.

And you know what? You're saying this test is too hard. I'm just gonna take it blind. And you know what happens? The girls who take the test and don't study, they just get D's.

That's it.

Yeah, honey. D's gets degrees. You got that right, girl. But Des also gets.

Dickmatized.

Poison. I said, Anwar, is it a red flag if Uber drivers always hit on me? Respectfully speaking, ladies, if an Uber driver isn't hitting on you, girl, you're not doing what you're supposed to do. That is what we call the low hanging fruit.

You. You want the Uber drivers to say a little something?

Okay.

Aavia said. And more help should you drive to him at all.

Like, what do you mean? Like a. Like a door dash? Like an Uber driver?

Is that what you mean when you say drive to him?

You must be looking for stars.

Girl. Drive to him.

Hold on, girl.

I need a sip of my kombucha. Girl.

Someone. Girl, the girls are eating you up, girl. Someone said lil Caesar hot and ready, girl.

Someone said she wants to see stars. I Know that's right and wrong at the same time. Girl, we're all sisters here. We get to have fun, talk about each other, but it's all love at the end of the day.

Someone said God's greatest gift. Said I was so stupid. Stupid and took a train. Damn.

Girl, we've all been there.

We've all been there, Girl, I. I moved. This was when I was young, girl. Young. Young fish. Girl, I didn't even know what was left or right. I was barely going through puberty. That's how young I was. Girl, I moved back to Germany for a man. Oh, my God. You don't want to know this, girl. So messy. But we've all been that, girl. Yeah, I. Yeah, I moved to Germany for a man.

And you know what? A month later, I had to go back. I had to come back to America. What was that movie? Coming to America? Girl, that was me.

Mm. So we've all been there, girl. There's no shade, no shame. We're all family here.

Someone said, give the Germany story, girl. I'm not going to give the Germany story, girl, because the dick wasn't even good.

I was with a Turkish man. We were engaged. I thought he was the one, and he was not the one.

He was the negative one.

Oh.

Get off of me.

I don't. I don't let bears up on me like that, girl.

Someone said I flew to Nigeria for one day. Girl, you got me beat.

Girl. You got me be for one day in Nigeria.

Girl. Honey, I might have to. I might have to bring you on, girl, because that is a story I already know.

Yes, honey.

Okay, let's see. What are the questions? Girl, what are the questions? What's the tea? Someone said it takes a day to get to Nigeria, girl.

Girl, you took a day to be there for a day, and then a day to go back.

All right, girl, more power to you.

Someone said I've driven a couple of hours the most. Mm.

Okay. Spark in your life said, how to have the what's next conversation.

So if you want to have the what's next conversation.

No shake or you already losing.

You losing. Because when you're asking him what's next, you're giving and abdicating your power to him.

You're saying, daddy, tell me what's next. You're playing daughter. You're not grown woman. You're not in your queen energy.

You don't. This is the gag, ladies. You don't. You don't have a dtr. Define the relationship. You don't have a What's next, my man? You have a here's where I'm at. Where are you? And if he's not where you're at.

Where'S my pocketbook? I get my pocketbook, I bun my hair, and I walk out of that joint.

Don't ever have a DTR conversation.

Don't ever have a what are we Conversation.

If you're having a what are we conversation, you don't know who the hell you are.

And what you want.

DTR means to find the relationship.

A lot of girls are saying, I need to book you. I need to book you. Go to the link in my bio and. And apply to book a consultation call.

Yeah. Let me cross my legs because I'm a lady.

Asking these men.

I've told you this now. So if you find yourself and you want to do that, don't come back to this live. Do you hear me?

Don't come back to this live.

Yeah, honey.

That's all I gotta say. That's all I gotta say. Yeah. And thank you all for the 2100 people that are here on TikTok and the 116,000 likes here on TikTok and the 440 people on IG. I love you all so much. I got to tell you something. A couple of years ago, I had 30 people in here. So I appreciate all of the love and all of the support and the following. I love, you know, coming to America and having people come up to me and just let me know that I've changed their lives or I've helped them in so many different ways. It really does warm my heart. And I want to let you know, I do this for y'. All.

I want black women to win. I want you all to get everything that you deserve and more. So please understand that that's what this is about. And between you and I, I could be a dating coach for everybody and have five times as much money. So I'm gonna keep it real. I don't want that. I don't need that. I. I want y' all to win.

So I am hoping that what I am saying is being internalized and that you really do take it to heart.

Okay.

Yeah. So I appreciate someone said, do you turn down white clients? I have some white clients, but I evaluate them on the consultation to see if they're going to be ready or not. Because my program centers the black and brown experience.

And they got to know that.

If I'm talking about the time that you got your hair permed at five years old and. And how that affected your, you know, your self concept and identity. You might not know what that is about and you will need to sit down and listen. And if you are someone that can do that, then great. We want to hear from you. We want you in the program. If you feel like you can't do that, then it probably won't be a good fit for you.

And that's okay.

Okay, let me see what's going on here.

Someone said, where's the podcast? So the name of the podcast is called get your guy coaching. It should be on Spotify and Apple. My last episode came out last Wednesday was all about I talked with a matchmaker. And you know I don't really live for matchmakers like that. Right. This is someone who's great. Her name is Kimberly. We also talked about how to use IG to.

Get some life.

To amp up your dating life through Instagram. So it's a really great conversation.

Yeah. What's it called again? Get your guy coaching. Not this damn bear again. I don't let men up on my back like that.

Dom said. And where I'm talking to a plumber who is always busy to talk, but he makes plumbing plans on the weekends for me. No, ask him. Tell him that you want him to take you out during the week. That's what? That's when we'll see if he's married or not.

Don't be a weekend girl.

Especially with these guys that make house calls.

No.

For the girls that are on ig, Someone keeps on getting a bear that is like hugging me from the back. And this bear is.