Dating Q and A 01/04/24

Hello, hello, hello. I'm just trying to get it all together, girl. It's hard out here for a pimp when you're trying to make the money for the rent, honey.

Hello, hello, hello. I hope everyone is doing well. Welcome, welcome, welcome. She's home. I'm back in Montreal, and I'm a Canadian citizen, so. Get into it, girl. Get into it.

Yeah, I want y' all to get into. Hopefully everyone is doing well. Happy New Year, and I hope y' all are living your best life. Yeah. What's. What's really going on? What's the tea? Now, for those of you that don't know me, my name is Anwar. People call me Coach Anwar, and I am here to help you get your love life in order and level up in dating. Yeah. Because, honey, that's what we need to do. It's the new year, and I am tired of everybody being on the struggle bus. Yeah. So I'm gonna give you. I'm gonna be on here, and I'm gonna share with you what I know as a dating coach for 14 years now, and we're going to talk about love and dating and men or women, depending on what you love, and relationships. And. Yeah, I hope that it helps. And if you want to learn how to, like, how to specifically work with me now this year, and you're like, 2024 is my year. I'm going to make it happen.

Go to the link in my bio and you can book a consultation call with me if you are ready to work with me. Yeah, this isn't. What I've noticed recently is that some of the girls are booking these calls just because they want to chat with me. Honey, I am a suburban Mother of three. I have 200 clients right now that I am supporting in a variety of different ways. Don't do that. If you want to work with me, let's talk about it. If not, girl, listen to my podcast. Come to these lives. If you want to work with me, book the call. Okay. I say that with love and respect, but also, don't waste my time, because I'm not going to waste yours. I come on here to give, give, give, give, give, and help you. And so I hope that this. These sessions are amazing for you. Yeah. Now, with that said, let me see what the girls are talking about. Hello, Mia. Hello, Kim. Hey, Brandy. Girl. Janae said dating tips for the college girls. Give me. Give me a specific question. If you have questions, please share those questions with me here in the chat, and I will answer them in the order that I see them now. Please be patient, because, you know, if I'm on here for a while, we might get a thousand people up in here, and there's only one of me, honey, so please be patient. Romina said. Hey, how are you? I'm good. I'm back in Canada, honey. Cold as hell, but cute face card. Barely made it, barely went through, but she's living. Just came back from a session with my clients where we talked all about vulnerability and how to do it. Yeah, so I'm amped up because, you know, that's my shit. Honey. Tiger, thank you so much for the heart me. Hello, Nazeera. Hello, Ashley. Hey, Val the bombshell. Hey, Celine. Hey, Shelby. And Andrea and Rendam. Hey, tiger. She says, we love you. Sending love right back to you. Good evening, Jordan. Happy New Year, everyone. What are the questions that we have for the New year? What did you struggle with in 2023 that you don't want to struggle with anymore in 2024? I want to see it. I want to hear from you. Okay, Latrice. Happy New Year to you, honey. Sierra said, I reactivated my hinge for the super bowl, and it's been very unserious so far. Girl, hinge is unhinged. If you're a black girl, don't be unhinged. If you're a white girl, don't be unhinged. If you're a girl, don't be unhinged. If you're human, don't be unhinged. Yeah, that's. That's. That's where you went wrong, girl. You tapped on that H icon. Yeah. When you see that H, I want you to think, oh, that's where the hoes are.

Don't do it. Hinge is meant to be deleted, so delete it.

Brandy said, do you think a woman with four children will find love again? 100%. But please understand this. You never lost it. You literally are the epitome of love. If you have four children, children are such a beautiful gift. And please understand, there are a ton of women that are having fertility issues right now. So quiet as it's kept. Who knows in 10 or 20 years if people will even be able to have four children? Please understand that. Let your children remind you that you have love surrounding you each and every day, and center yourself in that. Yeah. Don't denigrate the love that you already have in your life, because it won't help you find new and different love that you're searching for. Yeah. And I say that as a parent of three, that Literally, like, let that love of your children open your heart up in such a significant way. So all of the yelling and the screaming and the play that they do, right, all of the ways in which you get to show all of your love, bask in that. That's what I think the beautiful thing about children are. And what I think love is, which is love, for me, is being in relationship with someone and seeing and experiencing your own capacity of love for another person. That is how we fall in love with our. With another person. You fall in love with another person by falling in love with. With the capacity that you have for love.

Sammy says, hi. Happy New Year. You are amazing. Thank you for being you. Thank you, girl. Mira said, happy New Year. Thank you, girl.

How do I make my doctor fall in love with me? Well, if he's a gynecologist, girl, that will. That will do it. Brandy said, do you think a woman. Okay, I already answered that. Chris Stack said, hey, coach. Hey, girl. Jordan said, get us off the struggle bus. Yes, honey, I'm trying. I'm trying. My darndest. Mel said, I love you. Anwar, you said the Netherlands is good for black women. Yes, girl, but not Amsterdam. Amsterdam. I saw no interracial couples. Rotterdam. Yes, ma'. Am. Rotterdam. Hot damn.

Latrice, thank you so much for the 2024.

Romina said, he's three years younger than me, but he's super mature. Is that okay? Yes, girl. One of the trends that I've been seeing, especially for women of color, is that most of my clients are getting with guys that are three to six years younger than they are.

It's not the older men, girl. Please believe. Latrice, thank you so much for the hand hearts. Oh, just FYI, if you have been following me, like, for a while and you've been supporting me on these lives and you want to work with me, send me an email@anwargetyourguycoaching.com if you want to work with me. Because I have. I have set aside three 50% scholarships and one full scholarship for one of my followers. Well, four of my followers who want to work with me. Yeah. So if you have been checking for me and you've been on these lives every week, reach out to me. And you want to work with me. Okay. Put your screen name in here. I will know what it is, and we'll go from there. Okay? Yeah. And just FYI, if there's anything that's resonating with you on this chat, tap the screen. Double tap, triple tap the screen. Let's Hit up the lights, honey, so we can get this party started.

Sierra said, I'm 23 in school and having trouble getting out. Girl. Study at the library, girl. Go for it, girl. Hang out with the dorks, girl. Don't go to the football games, girl.

Be in the library. Meet the guys who are studying because those are the guys that are going to get the great jobs. No shade. But the athletes at your school in college, girl. Their grades are going to be subpar and they might not get the good jobs. No shade.

Tiger said, is Hinge the new tender girl? Hinge is.

Like the, the old MySpace.

Diana said, in your opinion, should I listen to the sprinkle Sprinkle girl? I think that you should. I think I agree with like 80 of what she says. Right. I think what she's focused on is investment, which I think is really important when it comes to men. I do think that you don't have to be in your dark feminine energy to, you know, embody the energy that is going to like require men to invest in you.

I'm more focused on like emotional connection to, you know, embody the energy that is going to like require men to invest in you.

I'm more focused on like emotional connection and I think oftentimes go to the engineering buildings. Yeah.

You know, go for the guys that are studying. A lot of the girls want to go on the frat row. Girl. Those guys are dangerous and often predators. When you, when these guys surround themselves with so much testosterone, it is hard for them to actually control themselves. Right. So like, don't be that girl. That's like, you know, at the end of a frat party, that's when it gets rapey or grapey. Excuse me. And so I want, I don't, don't, don't go there. Don't be there.

Should high earning women work with a matchmaker? If you're a black woman, don't ever work with a matchmaker.

Unless you know of black women that have had success with matchmakers and that are now married to a man based on being match made. I don't know anyone and I've been in the game for 13, 14 years.

Jk I3 said. Do you have any advice for singles living abroad? ABS dating tips? I'm in Paris. Here's the thing. If you're a black woman, American woman, I want you to bring your Americana essence abroad. A lot of the girls want to like fade into the background and like assimilate. Don't assimilate. Be that American girl. That's the. That's going to get you where you need to go in your love life. Because they're going to be thinking, oh, my God, who's this girl? No shade. But if you try to assimilate, assimilate and try to, like, fade into the culture and everything, they will think that you are, and I'm saying this with total respect, they're going to think that you are an African immigrant and they will treat you differently. They will not treat you well. If you are an American and you act like an American and you show like, they can see you walking down the street and they see that blue ass passport, like, stamped on your forehead, girl, you want the Josephine Baker treatment.

So when you're abroad, that's what I. That's what I want you to be giving.

Let me see what y' all are talking about.

Jolene, thank you so much for the heart me.

And thank you all so much for the 18,000 likes already. I appreciate it.

People said, what are the best apps? A lot of my clients have gotten major success with Bumble right now. But here's the thing. It's not about apps. It's a. It's really about having a strategy, knowing what the hell you're doing. Most of these, most of y', all, the apps are working you and you're not working the apps because you don't have a strategy. So, like your, your question about what apps. It doesn't matter if you don't have a freaking strategy, girl. So you're going to need a strategy. This is one of the things that I help my clients do so that they, they can work the apps instead of the apps working them. Yeah.

Green tea Goody said. I feel so sad. I'm coming to the end of my childbearing years. Childless, no good men for me. Well, I'm sorry to hear that. I think that if you're a black woman today, it is going to be important for you to date everybody, not just black men, but also, if you find yourself like 32, 33, you might want to invest and look into.

Frozen eggs, look into fertility treatments of some sort. I have a number of my clients right now that are doing that in tandem with dating. Because what I've seen is that most women, at least the women that I'm working with, they're not going to find their guy until between the ages of 35 and 45, which is not a guarantee if you want to have children.

So I just want to offer that. Do whatever the hell you want with your body. I'm Not a goddamn Republican trying to tell you what to do with your womb, girl. Something that I've observed.

Faduma said, white boy winter in action. I know that's right, girl. Get it, honey.

Melanin said, I want to date 10 to 15 years older. I always say plus 10 years, minus 5 years. Anything over 10 years, y' all will be in different chapters of your lives. And if you are hyper focused on older men, that lets me know that we probably have a daddy wound that we need to heal. Or you were not taught life skills that allowed you to feel secure within your own life.

The lock Beauty said, I just love you, fairy godfather. I take all of your advice relating to me. Happy New Year. Thank you. I appreciate you. Kenzo said, you have such a beautiful energy. Thank you.

Amari said, God sent me an angel I'm not attracted to. Well, girl.

Get on your knees, close your eyes and pray and have him next to you.

If he is 5 or above. Give him time, girl. That might. That attraction might increase. Here's the gag. The gag is.

Attraction is overrated because 30 or 40 years from now, it's. It's not going to be about your attraction level to him. It's about. It's going to be about whether he can take you to your doctor's appointments. Yeah. And no shade. A lot of. A lot of women really want hot and attractive guys, but you don't want a guy hotter than you. You want to be the prize of your relationship. Yeah. A lot of us, especially if you're a woman of color, you have this like messaging in society that's like, oh my God, you're not the prize. You're not beautiful. And so you will hyper focus on finding a guy that's super attractive to make yourself feel attractive. And you don't need to do that. So for the ladies, that, that resonates with and that is true for. I just want you to like internalize that message. If you don't have that, don't fight me in the comments.

Yeah.

Doula, thank you so much for the heart. Me.

Ricasso said, amor, how can I trust my guy's intentions more? His actions and words match. I get anxious thoughts though. All you can do is observe. Yeah. This isn't about trusting a guy or trusting a guy's intentions. This is all this. It's never about guys. So anytime you're thinking about what is he going to do, what is he going to say, blah, blah, you doing it wrong. You've already lost yourself. This is about being able to Trust yourself and to feel safe within your own body, your own mind, your own heart. Right. This isn't about his intentions cuz he's going to do whatever the hell he's going to do. I want you to be able to trust yourself to the point where whatever he does, you know that you're going to be okay.

And that's on period and that's on self trust.

Yeah.

Melanin Gold said I had 400 plus interested on Bumble in two days. Yeah. Honey, it's the super bowl of dating. Everybody's on the apps. Y' all better make make good of it honey. Y' all better make it happen. Yeah. Here's the thing. Guys like on average like 2/3 of the profiles because they just want to get the party started. It's a numbers game for them. So just because you have 400 don't get overwhelmed by it. Go through, go through them. Most of them will fall off anyway. Yeah. Whereas women will are much more picky and will only like 5% of the profiles. That's the gag. That's why dating is so hard right now because 80% of women are competing for 5 to 10% of the guys.

D said, do you think all men cheat? Mindset is ruining the dating pool. Is. Is there truth to that? I think there's truth to that because most men are not self actualized. Yeah. So what does that mean? I think the latest statistics in cheating and obviously the results are always going to be biased is that they said roughly 28% of black men cheat, roughly 20% of Hispanic men cheat or no, no, no. 23% of Hispanic men cheat and roughly 20% of white men cheat. I think it's safe to double those numbers.

I don't think all men cheat. I think that men cheat because they don't feel good about themselves. If they don't have a great job they're not going to feel good about themselves. If they don't feel like they have agency or power in their own lives they're not going to feel good about themselves and they'll cheat to find power for their ego and control.

Noel said, I'm on brown boy winter. I guess it's white girl winter for him though. Oh honey. She said uno reverse on that. Do you girl. Do you.

B. Andy said, I can't get over my ex. It's been one and a half years. Why?

I think that we can. Oftentimes when it's hard to get over someone it's not about the person, it's about the idea that you had about him as well as the idea.

That you had about your life with him. Right. Please understand that no one can make you feel how you feel. It is a choice that you decide and create. You have to understand that however he quote unquote made you feel, you can feel that way with different people and different experiences. That it's not hyper focused and based on him. And here's the thing. Your future husband will never be an ex. So he was never the one or he would not be your ex.

Mia said, your skin is glowing. Thank you to my rose water. Thank you to my snail mucin. Thank you to my retinol.

Laughy emoji. Said, how long should I wait for the ring? Two years, girl. If you're not engaged within two years, girl, he doesn't want it. You're a placeholder. No shade.

User447 I'm white, but I love you. Can I stay?

I guess I'll let the black girls decide.

No, girl, we're. We're all equal here. Everyone is equal under love. Yeah, I just center the black woman's experience.

User800 said. Advice for women of color whose spam is skeptical of her having a white boyfriend. No shade, but I don't care about what your family thinks. Because when you think about it in relationship with, let's say, a white guy, you will only probably see your family 1, 2, 3 times a year for, like, events, which is such a small percentage of your everyday life. Their opinion can't hold that much weight. And if it does, it lets me know that you are not in control of your own life and that you are living for your family instead of you. That's the problem. They can be skeptical. Yeah.

If they're skeptical after knowing him, that's one thing. If they're skeptical without really truly knowing him, that's another thing.

Erica said, help. He asked me to come over to his place on a third date. How can. Girl, what's the issue? You get to just say no. That's a boundary issue. Set your boundaries, ladies. If you don't have boundaries in your dating life, you will never get into great relationships.

Yeah, if he says, hey, can you come over to my place? I don't feel comfortable doing that. Thanks for the offer though.

Yeah. Elisa said, give me medium ugly, who is smart, emotionally intelligent, and has money. No shade, y'. All. Medium ugly is where? Is that a lot of y' all over course. Correct. And you go for the ugly dudes. And that's where you really feel a fool. Because here's the thing. Medium ugly can turn into medium attractive when the emotional intelligence and safety is there.

And no shade, y'. All. No shade. But the medium ugly guys have something to prove. And usually they know how to do it and do it well because they always improving mode. Right? A lot of the pretty guys, they not going to hit the walls. They're not going to do anything. And that's the shade of it all. They look pretty, but they just sit around and do nothing, girl. Nothing. They want everything done to them, but they don't want to do anything to you. And for the girls who have hooked up with really attractive guys, y' all know what I'm talking about. Yeah.

I don't like it. I like the guys that go to work, honey. Go to work.

Let me shut up because I don't want to wake up my kids, honey. Stephanie said, watching from Japan.

Konnichiwa, watashiwa amadesu.

Okay, let me see what y' all are talking about. Philly Bomb said, thoughts on waiting on a man who's in Business School? 2 year program. Ivy League girl. I went to an Ivy League business school. Don't. What do you mean, wait for him? We don't wait for men. Date him and date a couple of other guys in his business school and let them compete for you.

Girl, you should be dating three to five men. Yeah. What I know is that when guys are in business school, Ivy League ones at that.

It'S Disneyland for them. And they're wildly unserious.

Wildly. They off. Very rarely do they date. Do they marry people that they actually meet while they're in business school.

Right. And if you're already saying wait, I already know that he's not making you a priority.

So date him, have fun with him. Let him take you out. But you should be dating two to three other men at the same time. It's called Olympic dating. You have a gold medalist, a silver medalist, and a bronze medalist. Yeah. NECA said your page is so peaceful for me. Thank you, girl. I appreciate it.

Let me try to get on IG because IG was giving me shade earlier. Honey. But there are also the other women that need to hear this message. Girl.

So let's see if they're giving. If it's giving what it's supposed to give. Yeah, I'm that girl. Said, thoughts on dating a mama's boy? Well, if you dated mama's boy, you will date a boy and you will be the mama. You're just. It's replacement therapy.

You're just going to be a replacement. You won't ever be able to be his woman.

Kristen said, seven years, two kids together. I'm not getting a ring, right? No, you're not. You don't, you don't need a ring. Your ring is the two kids.

That's how he's thinking about it. Yeah.

Maritza said, I'm Mexican and I can't wait to go out dating again with all your advice, girl, I hope you kill the game. Girl. Hope you kill it with these mofos.

Yeah.

Mini B. Should X's always say X's? Yes, because they were an X for a reason.

They're an X for a reason, honey.

So.

Yeah, that's what I think. Let me see what else is going on. Just FYI, if anything is resonating with you, if you're loving what you're hearing, definitely book a consultation call if you want to work with me. Yeah, we're like, basically booked. I think I have like one more slot for next Tuesday, but. Or two more slots, but other than that, hop on this girl. And like I said before, if you've been following me for a while and I know who you are and you want to work with me, send me an email and we'll make something happen. Either a huge scholarship or a completely free situation for you. Because I, I support the women that support me.

EJ said. Who should bring up exclusivity. I think that it doesn't matter who brings it up, but it needs to be brought up within two to three months. And oftentimes you're. I think some people wait for the fairy tale and just wait for a guy to do it. If he's not doing it within three months, you're good. I want you to do it.

K said, I would go for medium ugly with personality, but they're usually goofy too. Let them be goofy.

You probably need goofy in your life. No shade. Most of you are so.

So responsible. And you've been responsible since like 8 or 9. Cooking for your siblings and cleaning the house for the family. Y' all been acting like adults since y' all were kids. You are thinking that these guys being goofy is like a turn off. No shade. But most of you all need a little bit more play in your lives and let these men help you find that fun little girl inside.

Goofy is fine. Let it be fun and playful. Life is too short to be focused on taking care of everybody all the time.

Yeah. Samantha said, do you have kids? Yes, I have three of them.

Riley said, the attractive guys are not your Best eaters or beaters, girl, they don't eat.

And they don't beat.

It's not even about being the best. That's how their physiques are so good. They don't eat anything except for broccoli and unseasoned chicken and protein powder. Shakespeare, y' all talking about not needing pillow princesses. I know that's right.

Real TSA question. This guy got mad when I asked was he married. He was very defensive.

Girl, when, when they get defensive, we step away. Yeah. I think the better question though is, are you single? Yeah.

We said hot guys think they're the prize.

They're right. They are the prize. They've been the prize their entire lives. So to think that they're going to change their mentality based on the fact that their entire lives. And this is why I always say like light skinned guys, guys with lighter eyes are dangerous. Because when you have that, you, you have a lived experience where your ego is inflated.

And if you're not like, you know, falling in line with keeping that ego inflated, they will want to humble you to prove that their ego, that you need to treat them like a God.

Nika said, damn. So I have to cut off the pretty boy.

I would. I mean, if you want something to look at, that's great. But here's the thing.

Your.

Type is not your type. Your husband type is not your dream guy type. And I've done a video on this. So this pretty boy is fun and cute and you might want to do a jump off with him even though he's probably not going to hit the walls. But no shade. He'll probably be looking at himself in the mirror while he's trying to do you, girl. And he won't be doing much of anything.

I just think it's a waste of time, personally. But if it, if it makes you feel really cute because hot guys are like Louis Vuitton bags, right? It's like, like you want one, you get one and then you realize, yeah, it's not all that it's cracked up to be. And when you look around, you're like, oh, everybody has a LV bag. What of.

Doesn'T make me feel good about myself. Literally, it's cute for like a week and then you're over it. Am I lying?

Am I lucky? So.

If you want a Louis Vuitton bag, that's cute, girl, go ahead with your vinyl ass bag.

Just like these pretty boys. They're like vinyl, they're not real leather, sweetie.

Sugar on the flow said some do beat down.

True. True story.

True story. True story. But most of them don't.

Tiger said tall ones beat yes. Girl Tall, lanky, skinny. Tall and skinny is the combo. Tall, skinny, nerd girl. Go to heaven now.

Girl.

Ev said you talking about gym guys. No, girl, I'm not talking about gym guys.

Not anymore. Girl. Not with her little wee wees. Girl. Waste of time.

Mel, thank you so much for the finger heart. And y', all thank you so much for the 46, 000 likes. I appreciate it. Unicorn juice said concerned, went on a date with small thumbs.

You have to decide for yourself? Well, it depends. I don't care if it's a small thumb, because if the thumb is curved, it means he's packing. So he can have a small thumb. Right? But if it's curved, if it looks like a little U.

If it looks like an earring, a small hoop earring, girl, you're all right.