Dating Q and A 01-21-24

Hello, hello, hello.

Hello, hello, hello.

Have y' all missed me? Did you miss me, Hunty ladies, What's the tea?

I know, I know.

Did you miss me?

Did you miss me, honey?

Did you miss me?

Yes, honey, yes, yes, yes, yes.

Thank you so much. Thank you so much.

Let me see what y' all are talking about, girl, because I need to.

See what the tea is, honey. I miss y'. All.

You know, you're all my best friends.

Now.

I was gone. I needed to help my best friend. Her mom passed away about a year ago and she.

We needed to, like, close up all the estate, go through the house, right? Sell cars, do a variety of other things. And she needed support in that. And so I wanted to be there for her. So that's why I didn't make any videos. I wasn't on live. I had to cancel half of my consultations. I know everybody. All the women who booked consultations with me were like, oh, this guy is not on it. But sometimes everything just has to, like, be set aside so that you can get things done when. When your people need you. Yeah. And that's what it's about at the end of the day. So that's where I was. I missed y' all like crazy. For those of you that don't know me, my name is Coach Anwar. I have to decide today, honey. It's like a side pony for me. I am a dating coach for black and brown women. I help them get into the best relationship of their lives. I'm going to share what I know when it comes to dating tea, relationship tea, and, you know. So put your questions in the comments. I'm going to read them in the order that I see them. Don't get mad if it takes five minutes because there's probably going to be a thousand plus people in here and there's one of me. So. Patience is a virtue. It is also one of the foundations of feminine energy. So practice that because. Because I know half y' all need it. No shade. And we'll go from there. If there's anything that I'm saying that you know resonates with you, you're learning something. You're like, oh, I didn't know that.

Or am where.

You're a damn fool. Tap the screen, double tap, triple tap, so we can get this thing popping, honey. Because, honey, I am. I'm that girl. What does that mean? That means, like, I need thousands Dollars likes hearts. I'm that girl. So, you know, when I was dating, I needed people to, like, show me the money. Honey, I was given Cuba Goody Jr. Up in here, so I want y' all to do the same thing. All right, let me see what y'.

All are talking about.

Mimi said Anwar missed you. Missed you all too. Good morning, love. Lamel. Joanne, good to see you. Brick, good morning. Lindsay Taylor. Sassy Toya. Boss. Ladies love the day. Chocolate Goddess. Good morning to everyone. Hey, Doula. Good to see you, girl. Alexa, good to see you. Mama. Jordan said you are so the drama. And love it. Hunty and love it.

Yeah.

See what y' all are talking about, sister? Girl life coach said yes and yes. You look fabulous. Thank you, girl. Chanel said, my favorite coach. Thank you. If you said. Oh, omg. Thanks for your video. I've been obsessed. Best love that Mimi said the tea is that a Seattle police department officer has been love bombing me. No to the police, girl. Say no to the police, girl. And don't run away, girl. They might chase you. And. And you might be on the news. No, shade, girl. You stay away from the police. Hello, Daniella. Hey, Chrissy. Girl, Jenny said I missed your sweet, amazing smile. Thank you, girl, but you really should not be flirting with me. I'm married with children. Like, girl, I'm not leaving my stitch for you. No, Shade love you. Love everything that you're about, but I'm not going to do that. Juliet, thank you so much for the rose. Robbie, thank you so much for the two roses.

She's Nyla official said pop back up like nothing happened. Because, honey, we make it. We make it happen. We make it work and then we keep it moving. Yeah. Jordan says skin is looking amazing as always. Thank you, girl. I literally, as I was unpacking, I scraped my head against like the side of the door, girl. So it's a little red. Had to put some Vaseline on it immediately, honey. My money maker.

That's my money maker.

These are my money maker. And then obviously that's my money maker. A little bit of this, lots of this.

Let's see what the tea is, honey. Okay, Chocolate Goddess. Love you too, J Free. Hey, girl.

Toya. Yes.

I met a wealthy man on Bumble. He's on some Tubi movies.

What? Girl to be paying like that, girl.

I mean, I guess I gotta pay somebody if you're gonna do a hot mess like that.

No, Shade.

Good.

Let me see Ash that got that notification to hop right on. I know that's right. Should we put some music on? Should we put some music on? Julius, I love the shirt.

Girl.

This is a poncho. I Got this in Santa Monica in California.

So this is what the surfers wear when they're changing. Like it has like this material that like dry, like a, a, A shammy. And then, you know, they change underneath.

This like on the side of the road.

Honey, the girls who know who hung.

Out in Malibu know what that tea is all about.

Let me put some music on. Are we feeling like R and B or are we feeling like. Like neo soul?

Let the girls know. Let me know, honey, and you know we'll crowdsource this. Jordan said so sad about your bestie's mom. You're such a sweet helping her through it all. Yes, honey, we. That's what you got to do. The shade of it all is. And I want, I want you to hear me so much.

Your man is not going to be your soul mate.

Your soulmate's probably going to be your best friend, probably going to be your children. Probably. Well, here's what I want to offer to you because I think that people think that your soulmate is just your guy. You have a lot of soul mates. Your soul mate is the person who literally creates growth. If your development in your soul, a lot of times it'll be your best friend. Sometimes it'll be your parents, sometimes it'll be your children, sometimes it'll be your partner. But your partner, your guy is not.

The be all end.

All my best friends, my soulmate.

Yeah.

So with that said, looks like you're a great friend. Thank you so much.

Tay said in where we trust. Thank you girl.

I do said love you. Chrissy said a true girls girl. Always that girl. The gag is and let me know what your if y' all have been this way. But my best friend and I were talking, we're like, girl, especially in your late 30s, early 40s. I find myself every one to two years having to help one of my girlfriends move out of a situation where she was. She's getting a divorce. And like you gotta. You gotta be able to pick your girls up when that. When that happens.

And the shade is 50, 60% of.

These marriages are ending in divorce cuz people are not doing the work beforehand. So let me know if you've had that experience too where you literally have to pick your girl up from whatever's happening. Oftentimes it will have to do with a man.

But I find myself doing that. So a girl's girl is very necessary in this time of day. Skincare look like a honey bun recipe. I know that's right, honey. Good morning, faduma.

Okay.

Char said, do you believe in breaking.

Up with someone for them to improve.

And then getting back with them? I think that that sort of improvement takes more than six months to a year. Yeah. So I would just offer that. That, like, it's not going to happen in a couple of months. Right. They might come back to you in a couple of months, but that doesn't mean that they're really, truly ready because there's probably deeper work that needs to happen. Taylor. Taylor said you said pilots aren't a good match. What about them? I'm a pilot. Straight girl. You didn't have to tell me that. But do you.

But I'm wondering what.

Pilots, similar to surgeons, lawyers, doctors.

Judges.

Police, military firemen, oftentimes will have a God complex, where because you literally have lives of other people in your hands every day, you will start to think.

That you are God.

And maybe you think that as well. No shade girl. But I know that that's how men.

Will often kind of yield their power.

And so they will bring that sort.

Of energy and status in the home.

And that's when can get dangerous. Hold on.

I need to get some music on, honey.

Because I can't just hear my voice, girl. I need. I need some.

I need. What are the. What are the girls saying?

Okay, I'm seeing some Neo soul. Honey. I saw one Neosol. That's it, honey. Okay.

Rbn. She said. Chrissy said both. Girl.

Girl, greedy for no reason. Okay, I'm seeing neo soul.

Okay. The girl said neo soul. And I said neo soul. Let me get. Let me get this party started. Because she was not ready. I said let me get. Let me get on with these girls.

This Miss Marsha Ambrosia, honey, giving you.

Far away. That was half a poetry.

Okay, now I'm seeing a lot of R B. Oh, Lord. Okay, we'll do half. Half.

Neosol, half R B.

Color me core, top five professional.

Not today. That's. I just.

I get. I just gave you that. Yeah, they're gonna have a God complex. And what that means is that they're gonna think that, oh, my God.

You have to treat me like a God at home because everybody else is outside of the home. And when you don't, and when you actually require partnership, they will try to humble you and disempower you. That's why those professions are often dangerous. Okay. Yeah, let me know if that's helpful. Now, am I saying all?

Never.

That there is no such thing as all? No group is a monolith. But what I am saying is that you want to be careful that, like.

Usually 20% of every group is going.

To be available, but for these guys.

That might be closer to 5%. Yeah.

Okay.

Meg said, hello.

Excuse my English.

I'm from France. I'm talking to a guy, really smart, I believe finance girl. Just type in French. Girl, I understand French. I speak six languages. Oui, francais. Jacques.

Dory said he never calls, but wants me to call him. No, we don't do that. He said he likes that, but it bothers me.

Yes, girl, because he wants a mother.

He doesn't want a woman. So just let him know. Oh, no, I'm.

I'm old school.

I'm traditional. I like men to court me. And if he can't deal with that, let him go. Tabitha said date someone less financially well off than you and different religion. Very sweet and supportive guy.

You know, who's also very so supportive and sweet. Assistants. Now if you want an assistant. Right. Maybe that. Why am I saying this? I'm saying this. And I, I want y' all to.

To hear me very clearly.

This is not just me being shady. This is what the research says. Black women, you are making more than single black men.

And what happens is it will create.

And breed a level of insecurity within them, and they will feel emasculated whether you emasculate them or not. And so oftentimes, they will try to.

Humble you because most men are conditioned.

And programmed to be in their masculine energy. So they're going to want more control, but they can't control something that they don't manage. Yeah. So it just breeds a lot of conflicts, consternation, a lot of potential anger. So that's why I'm saying you want to get with someone that's making at least 80% of what you're making or more. Girl, if you're making 130 and he's making 50, it's probably not going to work. No shade.

So just something to think about.

That's why I'm one of the few dating coaches that is telling you, please date everybody. Don't just date black men. Not cuz I don't like them. I'm a black man myself. But there's certain challenges that are involved with that. I think I'm gonna make a video about that tomorrow. I'm back on my video tip.

Let the girls have it. You also said different religion.

I don't really care so much about.

Different religions because most of them are pretty much similar in values. The religion that I focus on is if y' all are worshiping you.

You worship you, and he worships you as well. If that's happening, girl, I'm happy.

I am official. Cherry heart says this. White men like chocolate women with color hair, like, copper or ginger hair. They like.

They like women who like them, who.

Let them, like, give them the green light, let them know that they're open to such a man. Doesn't matter about the hair, girl. You could have an afro. You could have braids, you could have weave. You could have green hair for all I care, right? Giving Dr. Seuss up in here.

Girl, doesn't matter.

And here's the thing. It doesn't matter what men like. It matters about what you feel comfortable giving and, like, what. What makes you confident and sexy and safe. Yeah, we don't do things for men. We do things for ourselves. And if the men love it, great. If they don't, so be it. Yeah. I just want to offer something, because what I'm seeing a lot of and it's really kind of like, disturbing me is, like, a lot of these guys are having, like, opinions, and all of y' all are, like, taking these opinions as Bible. What I want to let you know is that most of these guys who have opinions are single, and they're single because they're not ready for relationships.

So you're literally taking advice from guys who are.

Are not, like, ready for a relationship and don't have the skills to be.

In a, like, a healthy. Healthy and safe relationship.

It's like taking health advice from a smoker.

Right?

Like, girl, what you want?

It's like, what are you doing?

So stop taking advice from smokers, girl.

Stop taking health advice from smokers.

They don't know what they're talking about.

Yeah, let me put a book over.

Here so you can. I can get my angles right, honey. Okay. Okay. Super dope hairs. And we're so happy I'm on this.

App to see you.

Thank you, honey. Thank you. If you said listening to you while doing my hair. Bless me with your pieces of advice. I know that's right, honey. Is. Is Sunday co wash day.

Jay Franklin said, I'm in a relationship, and I love your videos. Thank you.

Okay, let me see what the girls are talking about now.

Sad gal said, this man asked me if I wanted to go for a walk or get coffee, and I just want to know what to say. Let him know, I would love to have coffee with you and get to know you a little bit more. Yeah, it's too cold for a walk, girl.

I don't Know if you're in the south or in your. If you're in the west. But just get a coffee, girl. Get to know him. See if you. You like him, you want to get know more of him. If not, let him go, honey. Let him go.

I am tasty. Said was thinking about you when my white coworker asked me out. Well, girl, don't leave us hanging, girl. What the did you say? Did you say yes or no?

Makes it Meg Said. But I can't have a date with him. He's always busy. He's not busy. He just doesn't like you. And I'm not coming for you. I just want to be very clear about that. The busiest people are actually the most available. If they're. If you're a priority.

Yeah.

Respectfully, I was just talking about being with my friend for over a week. Almost 10 days. I run a million dollar business. No, we make it happen. If they're. If they're busy. But you're a priority, you make it happen. So he just. He's just not that into you. No Shade.

The real panorama. Wait. Panamera.

Sorry.

Your videos are everything and very helpful. Thank you, girl.

Million and his mama said, I used to hang out with surfers. They're cool. They are. Too bad they're not really checking for the black girls. So minus a few points.

Tay said, I post a small video from my date last night on my Story. Should I lie to other guys I date about him?

No.

You are single until you're in an exclusive, committed relationship. And you need to let them know, oh, no, I'm dating.

Yeah, I. I'm dating. May the best man win.

And. And let them compete for you. The men that are turned off by that are not the men that want to compete. They're not in their true masculine energy. Yeah.

Latin said 16 years too much of an age difference. I'm 38 and he is 16 years older. I'm Latina. He's white. Well, I usually say plus 10 years, minus five years. But my question for you is. So 38 plus 16 knows that. 54, girl. He's thinking about retirement. Are you?

A lot of people that are around your age are thinking about kids. A lot of people around his age are trying to figure out how to maximize that 401k. Very different life stages and priorities. So you just want to make sure that your priorities are aligned with.

Patty Baker. Thank you so much for the two roses, girl.

Sienna said, should I go on a date if I'm not 100 physically attracted to him? Yeah, well, it depends.

You.

You're gonna have to rate him on a scale from 0 to 10 if he's a 5 or above. I. I want you to go on a date with him. If you he's less than a five, then nothing can happen and just let him go. J say and wife mystery advice. Thank you, girl, Good to see you.

Yeah.

Maduka said, my Soulmate is myself 100%. That's the true soulmate, girl. Cuz that's the. You are the person that is driving your own growth. Yeah.

Celeste said, is a woman not cooking a deal breaker to a guy? A guy who doesn't know how to cook? A guy who's looking for a mother. Right. Honey, there's Uber Eats. Who needs to cook when you got Uber eats, girl? And. And. And doordash.

Yeah. And if you have money, get somebody to cook emails.

Like, here's the thing.

A lot of men are looking for laborers and not wives. And if someone is so focused on.

You cooking for them, please understand he's.

Looking for a housekeeper, a maid, a cook.

A babysitter for his potential kids, not a wife. Okay.

McKenzie said, Girl, I went to Amsterdam and you were right. I've never been hit on like that. I think you think that I say. I think, I think many of y' all think I say things for the gag and that I say things just for.

Like the clicks.

No, girl, I'm really giving you tea. I'm giving you places where, girl, your score is going to go up two or three points. So if you're a six in America, girl, you'll be an eight or a nine in. In parts of Europe.

Get it? I'm glad you had fun. It sounds like.

Nadia said I got a job and found out the guy on the hiring panel. Hiring panel wants to date me. What should I do? Well, girl, you got the job, girl, so that's the only. That's the first thing that matters, girl. If you like him, date him. But if it's not gonna work, girl, make sure that you have all your paperwork in order so he doesn't try to fire you.

No, it does, like, have fun, girl. It doesn't really matter.

Jaz said 8am in LA and I woke right on up to this live. I know that's right, girl.

Moon Dream said, met a handsome, successful man, but he used a lot of texting with emojis. Am I tripping for not engaging? No, just ask him. What does that emoji mean? I'm not. I'm not sure.

Yeah.

Goddess of self. What's the work beforehand? So that's the work that we do in my program. So if any of you all are interested in learning about more about what I do, definitely click the link in my bio. If you want to work with me, you can definitely click to book a consultation call, because those calls are really for, like, understanding, are we a good fit to work together so that I can help you get your guide? Literally, I have at least two or three women getting their guys every week in my programs. Yeah, this week it was my client in Seattle. So for the girls in the Northwest who think, oh, my God, it's a bunch of crunchy granola guys, girl, she got herself a black engineer. I know that's right.

And then my other girl, I'm trying.

To think, and I had a client from New York, a client, I think in D.C. and a client in Atlanta. And over the last two weeks, get their guy. Is possible. It's possibly.

April said, is it okay to date someone who is not used to dating? Going to the type of places you go to? You just get to let him know where you would like to go, and his job is to make it happen. And if he can't do it, he's out.

Yeah.

Resi said, he says he likes me and doesn't contact. Well. He doesn't like you guys who like you.

You can't.

I have a client who is being pursued, and she is not used to being pursued. So at first it felt really uncomfortable for her, but then she's like, oh, this is what it looks like, right? It's like. It's like jogging a marathon. Constant, with a certain pace. It's not a sprint. Men that are chasing you, that are doing too much, that are texting you all day, they're trying to love bomb you. Being pursued is this constant pace. Right?

Nikki said, I love your advice. Really, big brother. Thank you.

Elsie. Thank you so much for the Ten Roses. Jatira. Hey, baby. Hey, girl. Kiana said, he's a good guy, but makes significantly less with no kids but still living with his mom. Well, girl, it sounds like he's in high school.

No, seriously, I think it was totally acceptable to be living with your parents during the pandemic. We're about three years outside of the pandemic. Needs to be living on his own. Please understand, if he's still living with his mom, he. His mother is probably still mothering him, and he's looking for a replacement of that.

Vanessa said, what do you think it needs for a long distance Relationship to work, it really depends on the individuals. I have a whole section of that in my program in terms of how to make longer distance relationships work.

So that's something that I would talk about in my program. B said, how to make a guy you dating give you money. That's. I'm not that dating coach. You need to go to other dating coaches that are, you know, helping women use men for money. If you feel like you need money from men, it means that you probably don't have your own money and that you're looking for validation and attention from men through money because that's how your parents did to show you love. Love. And that's your definition of love. You, I think, or anyone else who feels that way, you need to one, heal your money wound and two, realize and get a different definition of love. Because guess what? Y' all can get really rich guys. Most of them are.

Because it takes a level. It takes a level of persistence, a level of greed to get a lot of money.

Yeah. And so something to think about as you're focusing on ambitious men, you know.

But, yeah, I'm the wrong person for that.

That's not, that's not my mo.

My MO is to get women into the best relationship of their lives. Not. Not for women to become basically employees of a relationship.

J. Free said, I just love your energy. Thank you, girl. Bria said, just joining. I missed you. Missed you too.

Dia Smiles Colorism drove me out of the dating world in the US I married an Italian man, 21 years strong girl. I'm. I'm married to a Canadian. Get something to drink?

Had to, honey. Here. Here's what I want all the black girls to know. Whatever you think you are here in the US, don't believe it. If the, if the guys are giving you treatment like you're a six girl, please believe you're an eight or nine. Everywhere else, America is the shade.

Obi said, what do you think about short kings?

What do I think about them?

You, I want to answer. How do I feel about them? I'll let you know. I'll let you know this.

When.

When you're dating a short king, you will feel him your heart.

Girl. The short kings, the short kings are packing. They, you know.

Oftentimes will work harder for you because they have things to prove. If you get with a six, five, beautiful guy, please understand. That's why I'm always like anti athletes.

They think that they're the prize.

They will not work for you. They will expect you to work for them. Hashtag Simone Biles.

Short kings are great. I think a lot of girls are like oh, oh I can't do it girl. I don't feel protected. Here's the test. Can he pick you up with ease? If he can't pick you up with ease and run away with you if some danger comes girl then he's probably not then he can't protect you. But most of these short kings can pick you up girl Just run with you.

That's the test.

User 762.

You always have such a pleasant spirit. I love your advice and learn from you too. Thank you. Ayanda Said, your tea is good. Thank you.

The Valencia Mariah where to go in Houston. Outside of Houston.

Love D Said, I can't wait to go to Germany. Girl Germany is everything. Make sure you're in northern Germany though. Girl that southern Germany is another stitch.

Barry said, he is loving, gift giving speaks my love language but he's codependent feelings on this. What is your definition of codependent?

Antoinette Said the man I started dating started sending me pictures of family. What does it mean? We have a lot in common.

I don't know but that makes me feel uncomfortable so I would just share that like.

Yeah.

Charmaine said, I love your life so real. I'm over.

Thank you Kezia. Thank you so much for the love you.

Lillian said what's your.