Dating Q and A 01-30-24

Hello, hello. Hello.

Hello. Hello. Hello, ladies. Hello, hello. Hello. I hope you're well.

I hope you're doing well. Oh, my gosh. I don't think Instagram is going to.

Let's discard this. Hello, everyone. Welcome, welcome, welcome. I hope you're doing well. Now, for those of you that don't know me, my name is Coach Anwar, and I am a dating coach for women of color. So if you.

Have any questions. Yes, they call me Fairy Godbrother. So if you have any questions for me as it pertains to your love life, dating, relationships, men or women or anything in between. Honey, we're very inclusive here.

Let me know, put it in the comments, and I will answer your questions in the order that I see them. Okay.

I guess IG is not gonna work for me tonight.

So let me end that and let's. Let's. Let's do our Kiki on. In on TikTok, honey.

Okay, let me see what the girls. Hello, Maya. Hello, Tan. Hey, Ari. Hey, Layla. Hey, Ashley. Hey, Missy. Hey, Jordan. Hey, Lenny. Girl, Leila said, been waiting for you. I know that's right, girl. Well, the wait is over, sweetie. Just FYI, if there's anything that I say tonight that resonates with you or you're like, Anwar, you're a mess. You're a full girl. Don't shut up. Tap the screen, double tap, triple tap. Because we're gonna have some fun. We're gonna kiki, and hopefully we'll. We're also gonna learn something so that you can level up your love life. So put your questions in the. In the. In the chat, and I will answer them in the order that I see them now, you know, after a while, I will be behind because there will probably be more than a thousand people in here at once, and there's one of me. So, girl, be patient. It is the essence of feminine energy. So practice that for some of us that need it. No shade. Yeah. Okay. Shenita. Good to see you. Mommy. N Lola. Hey, girls. Jay said, kiki time. I know. That's right, girl Chamelli. Hello, girl. NM Cruiser said, omg. Love you. Thank you, girl. Hey, Brandy. Hello, Latrice. Good to see you, honey. Hello, Linda. Dana said, how is dating in DC? So. So here's the thing about dating in dc Generally, my clients, it takes them about anywhere from six to nine months if they, like, are working the program to find their guy in the DMV area. DC proper is horrible for dating, so I never tell my clients to focus on DC DMV is where it's at. Right. There are more available bachelors, men. And dc, it's like DC proper is basically like Atlanta. Like, you know, six to eight successful women of color, Black women to every successful black guy who's checking for you. Yeah, that's the gag. There are a lot of successful black men there in Atlanta. But like, for some of these men, once they make over 100, 150k, honey, they're not checking for the black girls no more. No shade. They want the white girls, Latina girls. Yeah. So that is why I always say, spread it out to the dmv, girl. You'll be in much better situation for sure.

Yeah. Okay, let me see what else is going on.

User said, sir, your teeth are so beautiful. Thank you, girl. And thank my dentist. Girl. Honey, these are not real. These are fakey. Fake, fake, fake.

Buddy did a great job. Thank you. Julia said, omg. I got a hell of a question, girl. Well, then ask it. Don't leave us hanging, girl. Don't be a tease. Lenny said, how do I cut off a guy? Ghost or text, girl, don't ghost. Ladies, let's not ghost anymore. Ghosting is lame. Ghosting. Especially if these guys haven't done anything wrong and you're not and you're still feeling safe within yourself.

So that's what I have to say about that. So we just send them a message and we just let them know, hey, I'm not feeling a connection, but I want to wish you the best of luck. Yeah. Lolita said, do you recommend going on a hiatus to focus on finding the one?

Well, guess what? The one is you.

Yeah. So if you feel like you have to take a step from dating to find you, great. Because you have to know who the hell you are before you can find your person. And if you don't know who you are and no shade, but there's many of us that don't, then you not ready to find your person.

Yeah. Syncretic said, amore, I need you to host a meet and greet. Yes, girl, I want to, but the gag is some of these TikTok girls do that, and then nobody comes, and it's highly embarrassing, and I definitely don't want that to happen. Where are you located, girl? So I can make sure that I have at least a guaranteed audience for when I do come. Hey, Kayla. Hey, Angie. Hey. User593. Hey, Mia. Tarot talk. Thank you so much for the finger heart. Dominique said, do Middle Eastern men not take initiative? Do I have to start combos with them? Not Necessarily, I would just like poke them, like them, match with them and see what they do. Yeah. Oftentimes they will, you know, take initiative. It also depends on where you're located. Yeah. So like for example, a lot of my clients in Dubai, girl, all they have to do is sit in the mall, girl. And they just, the men just come up to them. Yeah. Word from Wanda said, hey, all of your advice has worked, girl. I know. That's why I'm one of the best dating coaches out there. I'm the best dating coach that I know.

I'm happy to hear that you're getting some success here. That's awesome. Ricasso. Hey girl. Hey, Taniel. Hey, girl. Hey. Alejo. D Janae said, how to navigate dating world as a 50 year old black nurse. Well.

You said two major things there, 50 and nurse. Yeah. And I think I'll do a video about this. But oftentimes if you're a nurse, even though it's like a very nurturing career, you're censoring other people. So you probably need to learn how to center yourself. And as a nurse, you actually have to be very much in your masculine energy. So there's probably some opportunity to be, to learn how to be more in your feminine energy so that you can attract more truly masculine men and then 50 year olds. I think sometimes.

We have to understand that like at 50 you are like professionally and career wise very much like your testosterone is like really pumping. But the thing about guys at that age is that the energies kind of switch. Right. That's why like men in their 50s and 60s, they'll start getting into gardening, they'll start getting into like pets because they're, they're, their testosterone is decreasing so they're becoming more nurturing. So when they're. One thing that I want to offer to you is make sure that like, you like, don't write off those guys that are like, not as hardcore. And then two, at that age, men are looking for very healthy women. Right. Because I'm looking to retire with somebody and travel with somebody. So you got to be healthy to do that, girl.

Yeah. Missy Boss said, do you think dating a 52 year old at 42 is too big of an age gap? No, I always say plus 10 years, minus five years. Yeah. Faith said, we, we met on Hinge two days ago and he asked me to be his valentine. Yes or no? Well, does he even know your last name?

I think that it's a very nice gesture, but I'm not buying it. And it's feeling like love bombing. And my question for you is, is he Nigerian?

Brandy Said, we are besties and are and are girl. Ms. Multi hyphenate said, hey, I love your content and personality. Thank you, girl. Ujin Said, how did you learn all of this? Girl, I've been a dating coach for 14 years, helping Black and brown women get into the best relationship of their lives. To be honest with you, I've been doing this all of my life, but so I've coached a ton. I read all the time. Which I think differentiates me from other people on here who just like talk but maybe aren't necessarily consistently educating themselves on new and different things.

So that's, that's, that's that as well. Tundy Said, Amar, can I give luxury with long locks? I've been thinking I should change my hair to level up. Well, first of all.

Whatever hair that comes out of your head, Queen is it meaning that's the level up. You have to understand your hair defies gravity. These hoes could never.

So whatever way that you have it is luxury and gold. Okay, now I want you to focus on not trying to attract a guy, but what's going to make you feel most comfortable, most most confident and most sexy. And girl, locs are everything. Now I will tell you that there is a difference between like bigger locs and like mini locs. So I would, I would, I would want to know kind of what or do you have mid locks? Periwinkle Said, Hey, I love when you're live. Thank you girl. Maya Said, finally catching you early. Yes you are girl. Lindisha Said, I'm catching it from the beginning. Good. Violet Said, you give really great advice. I keep attracting Arab men, not Caucasian men and I don't know why. Girl don't, don't ask why. Drink but dry girl. Get with those Arab men, honey. Get with them.

Mary Party Said OOP or read. Am I reading already? Am I reading already? Clown Said Guy told me I'm far more adventurous and well traveled than he is and said he can't commit. He's not ready.

Bayou Said by u t sure Name Said Anmore I got engaged because of you. Thank you so much. You're so welcome.

So excited for you. That really does warm my heart to to think that I played a part in hopefully the healthiest relationship of your life. Oh my gosh. Thank you so much for these ski goggles, girl. She needs to go to Park City. Am I a new housewife of Salt Lake City?

Krista Said, I've heard you mention dark feminine energy before. Can you explain what that means? I don't really talk about dark feminine energy because that's not necessarily my thing. One, because I'm a white girl. But two, that's more Share a seven thing where you are using more of your feminine energy and wild and divine femininity to.

To get what you want. But also there's like a notion of manipulation involved as well. Yeah. And the intention isn't all the way pure.

Cherise said, should I date for love or survival? Well, it's 2024, so you should not have to date for survival. Yeah. That's something that our mothers and our grandmothers had to do. I don't think that we have to do that now. So let's cut that out of the mix right now. Date for love. As a black woman, I don't. I don't think that we should be dating for love if you're a black woman, that's how many of us get into very precarious and dangerous situations. I think you need to date for safety. I think you need to date for physical safety and intellectual safety and emotional safety.

And financial safety.

Yeah. So date for safety, not love and not survival.

Grisha Alegre said, what to do when guys day your education or career intimidates them, move on. If they're intimidated by what you do and what you've accomplished, they will try to humble you and it'll be the worst experience of your life because you will fall in love with them and you will stay with them longer than you need to and they will continue to break you down so that they can feel powerful when in reality they're not.

User593 said, I've been dating a man for two months, haven't slept together, but he hasn't asked for exclusivity. If he doesn't ask in another month, are you. If you feel like you want to be exclusive, then you're gonna have to bring it up, girl.

Felicia said, if we start at the lower tier program, I get your guy club. Do you have upgrade options? Most definitely. If you're in the get your guy club, you have three months to potentially upgrade to the VIP program. So I forgot to mention this. So if you're interested in working with me, you can click the link in my bio and you can book a consultation call. I also have links for free trainings. I also have links to my podcast, which is the top relationship podcast in the in the world. And so definitely check those things out if you're interested in learning more about kind of what I do.

So yeah, there's always an opportunity to upgrade from the get your guy club to the VIP program.

Mari said, I love you no more. Thank you, girl.

Ray said, highly agree on dmv. It's rough out there. It is the dopest. Said, is there any hope for black women in atl?

The only hope I see for black women in ATL is if Obama starts living in ATL because he brings hope wherever he goes. But besides that girl.

That'S all I gotta say. Mari said, is it still white boy winter? Girl, it's always gonna if girl, if you see snow on the ground, girl, it's. It's white boy winter. Girl. When that temperature goes below 32 degrees, it's white boy winter. Girl, if I have to take off my puffer and put on my winter jacket, it's white boy winter. Do you hear me?

Jory said, your January tip for online dating has been great. Thank you girl. I appreciate that.

Lovely said. Thoughts on courting until engagement? No exclusivity. Boyfriend and girlfriend or in between? I'm someone who thinks that having kind of a commitment before engagement is something that's very important because people will show up differently when they have like a commitment associated and they're like putting their name down and are saying that they want to have emotional responsibility for you. Right? So that's why I am someone who leans into that.

Let me see what's going on. Megan said, I go to a PWI and looking for a man, but some of them just love the blondes. What do I do? Friend girl Go blonde girl. Put some blonde. Get some braids. Because you know, the girls work the braids when they're in college. Honey. Girl, put a little bit of blonde in each of your braid, girl. And go like this. Flip it around.

No. Girl. First of all, don't flunk out of school and don't become one of those girls that's like a fifth year senior. Make sure that you're on time and your grades are where they need to be. That's number one. Because guess what? There will be dudes forever. I just had an interview with ESSENCE today and one of the questions was, what advice do I have for younger, you know, black women in their 20s? And one of the things that I said is that this is all practice. Most of most black women don't date before college. And so.

I want you to think about this in the same way that the white girls think about dating at ages 12, 13 and 14. I want you to think about dating in the same way that you think about your first job out of college, you're not going to be in that job forever. And the guy that you're hanging out with that you're in a relationship with in the 20s, you're probably not going to be with him forever. You're going to just like your job, honey. You're going to go through these, these men every two to three years. Think of it like a presidential election cycle, girl. Every four years, it's a new president, it's a new man, honey. Yeah.

Todd said, and why I have many looks but want to date white men. Advice. Yes, girl. So if you got locks like that, girl. Messy bun, messy bun. All day, every day.

Chronicles of crazy Sid is. And we're cutting up tonight. No, girl, I never cut up, girl. I always fold.

That's Queen Bee said, what are six things you think we should work on before we start dating? I'm actually going to do a video about that tomorrow, so definitely check out that video tomorrow. Okay. Joy Jackson said, any tips on dating Hispanic men? Well, when you say Hispanic, girl, where, where from? Espanola?

From that diaspora. Because it really does depend.

Diana said, how do we let go of our masculine energy? By realizing that you don't have to do it yourself and you have to just ask for help. Like me and I. This is what I want y' all to do. I want you to ask everybody to do things for you. That's what the white girls are doing. So I want you to do it too. When you get an elevator, ask people to push that button for you. When you're in the grocery store, ask people to hand things for you. When you go to. Even like when you go to a hotel or whatever, ask for a glass of water, girl, you gotta start asking for people to do things for you. The masculine is about doing. The feminine is about being. Yeah, what is it? What, what does this mean as well? It means also like, you know, some of y' all are high earning individuals and you still on your hands and knees every Saturday morning like we're nine years old. Cleaning the house up and down, girl. Get a housekeeper.

Cost a couple hundred dollars a week, girl.

If you do it weekly, get a house cleaner, have them clean your house. Doesn't make you less black, honey. Makes you smart and efficient and effective. Yeah. So I want to offer that to you.

Let me see what the girls are talking. Talking about.

Babysit dating outside my race. And was encouraged to open my mind from one of your videos. Good girl. Yeah, let's Date everybody and see who wins. Just like the Hunger Games. Let them. May the best person win. Abby said, it's been four months and he won't commit because he says I'm not open and it's hard to get to know me. Drop him. Jay said went on a date with a man and you talked about how women don't like him. Was this a pity tactic? No, girl, he's telling you what you need to know. Believe him. There's a reason women don't like him. You want, you want a guy that women like a lot to the point where you have to that you might feel a little jealous. That's how lovely that you want these guys to be. If women don't like him, it means that he's horrible because women are actually some of the most open minded creatures on the planet in this universe.

Yeah.

Kim D songwriter said, I want to date an Asian man. Where can I meet them?

Go to karaoke, go to Boba, go to some of those Korean spas, go to Uniqlo.

And snatch you up one of these.

Let me see what the question. Let me see what y' all are talking about. And thank you all so much for the 27,000 likes. I appreciate it. So lovely and nice of you.

The substitute home cook said, loved hearing you on the black girl texting podcast. Thank you, girl. I appreciate that. Yeah, we cut. We. I did a bit of cutting up there, honey. I was feeling myself. Honey. Okay. AR brought. Yes. I told my dad I'm dating for all those safeties. Of course he disagrees and says love. Yeah. Honey, forget what your dad says.

Yeah. Because he's not a woman. So he doesn't understand.

He doesn't understand.

Bree said, I have, I have that problem with men trying to humble me. Help. It just means that you're, you're interacting with and giving energy to the wrong kinds of guys. And it probably means that you don't have a dating strategy to like evaluate and filter out those guys. If you have a dating strategy. Well, let me say this. If you don't have a dating strategy in the chat, put hashtag no strategy and I'm sharing. I'm asking you to do this because one, I want you to understand how many women actually don't have a strategy and why dating is so hard for you. A lot of society like and our parents specifically our mothers don't teach us how to date and it keeps us disempowered. And so what happens is you will. People will often.

Like women will give away or Abdicate their power to these men who don't know what to do with it. And then, girl, you're asked out.

Yeah. So we got to get a strategy. I have a. I have a dating strategy course in my link in my profile, if that's something that's of interest to you. Or you can definitely enroll in one of my programs. And I will give you a step by step guide on in terms of how I want you to go from first conversation to first date or from first date to exclusivity. Like, we go. We break it down date by date. Date one, I want you to do this. Date three, I want you to do this. Date five, I want you to do this. Date seven, I want you to do this. So forth and so on. So you know exactly what to do every step of the way. Yeah. Okay.

Why are men constantly telling me that they're hard or other aggressive things like that? I don't know, girl, but that doesn't make me feel good. Some. Some of the girls are also saying go to dim sum.

Also the casino, but I don't really think you don't want the casino. Asian guys, girl. No shade.

Yeah, like the Chinese, the sushi, Japanese restaurants, I think they're a bit cliche. But you. It's hard to, like, interact with a lot of different kinds of people if you're just like at a. At a table kind of eating.

Sarah said, how do I know if a white man is interested? Well, girl, if a white man is breathing, he's interested. No, shade, if he is talking to you for more than three minutes, he. He's probably interested. If he compliments you on your hair, he's interested. If his feet are pointing toward you. If you're in the same room, he's interested. Okay.

Lexi said, what to do when med school boyfriend ego is rising. I want to offer something to you, and you're not going to like it. But you don't come here to. To listen to things that I say that you think you're gonna like. Med school boys are the worst boyfriends. They're never gonna have time for you. And I, in my 14 years of doing this, I've never seen a relationship work. When a guy is in med school. Yeah. If you want to date a doctor, it's better if he is like 35 and above. He'll have more time for you.

Lily said, if your looks make guys insecure, what should you do? Get new guys.

Yeah. He's telling you right now that he can't compete with the attention that you're going to get just walking down the street.

So he already knows that he's not on your level and he's not in your league. So I am going to. You're probably going to have to get a different person.

Yeah.

Shift healing from scratch. Where to meet? Well off in Houston, girl. Go to all of the oil companies.

Get a job there. That's where the money is.

Countess said, what hairstyles are a man pretty? You know what's so funny? Interesting enough.

Like a mid cut, right?

And then also like kind of wild and crazy hair. That's why I said messy bun. Messy bun always does it. That's why you, when you hear.

You know, hard wig, soft life, wild and crazy hair. That does it for guys that want to get married.

Chronicles of Crazy said Uniqlo was such an accurate and funny response. I used to work for Uniqlo. I was like, girl, they, they are, they're, they're there.

Abby girl said, lmao can confirm Uniqlo, y'. All. I think y' all think that I'm just trying to get a laugh, honey. I'm really trying to put you on game, sweetie. Yeah. So yes, go to Uniqlo if you want an Asian man, an East Asian man at that.

Nori said, should we skip the girlfriend and boyfriend stage? I don't think so. You will learn a lot based on how he feels about commitment just by that alone. What happens oftentimes is when the girls want to get cute and skip that stage and be like, we're like, you know, we're not anything until you put a ring on it, honey. Right. Then it's then he's always going to be casually dating you and you will never see how he reacts to true commitment and responsibility. If you want to stay that way.

Diora said, I'm meeting a lot of men that want princess treatment and want to go 50 50. What am I doing wrong? You probably trying to go for the pretty boys. And because the pretty boys are princesses, they think that their punani is better than yours. And they probably been treated like a princess their entire lives. Especially if they are light skinned boys and so people will pay for them out of the wazoo. And so it's becoming an expectation for them, girl. It feels like some of those boys feel like they are literally living a life on full scholarship, honey. None of this half shit. Like no FAFSA shit, just pure full scholarship. Yeah. So that's the expectation. I'm surprised. So that's probably what's happening. You're probably hyper or over indexing on hotness. And that's where you're going wrong here.

User 654 Anwar, do you have Somali DNA in you? Don't we all have Somali DNA in us? Wasn't Lucy like Somalian or Ethiopian? Like girl.

So we're all Somali. Girl, no. Shade.

Holly said, advice on dating Irish men.

They are magically delicious.

Girl.

Make sure if you go to Ireland that you go to Dublin, specifically North Dublin.

Just walk around and girl, you'll be married in three to six months.

Latoya, thank you so much for the 17 roses. Appreciate it. Ms. B. Thank you so much for the five finger hearts.

Vanessa, thank you so much for the 20 roses.

Cue ball said, what should you do if a guy has potential but he's boring? So we don't date on potential. We did on what, how he's showing up right here, right now. If he's boring, then there's nothing you can do about that.

Yeah. Now, the question for you, and I can't answer that right now because you're not my client.

Is.

Do you have a bonding pattern of the fact that love has to feel like a roller coaster for you to feel love and that is this guy actually, like, healthy and that the health and the no drama feels boring to you, or does it feel like a PBS special at 9pm? Right? That's the question.

Okay, so I'm seeing. I finally got to my no strategies. Lots of no strategy, honeys. We got to get a strategy.

Please. Think about it like this. Every other thing in your life, you have a strategy for right now. If you went to your job and you did your job without a strategy, without a framework, without guidelines, you would get fired. And that's what's happening in your love life right now. You are literally getting fired every day. No shade. We gotta get a strategy. This is your wake up call. It's 2024.

You hear me, ladies? Now you can go into my program, you can figure out a strategy for yourself. You can get my, my strategy course up to you, but you gotta get a strategy. There's no more bullshitting, honey. It's 2024 up in here. Now, if it was, you know, 2006 and we didn't have Facebook and other social media platforms, I would let you slide. I'm not letting you slide anymore, honey. And no shade here, honey, I'm looking through this and some of us need to learn how to spell strategy.

You know? You know, I'm just, you know, I'm, you know, I'M just Kiki and honey, you know, we're all family.

You know. You know you gonna make fun of me and I'm gonna make fun of you, girl.

But I'm just like here's the thing. I was the spelling bee champion in fourth grade, girl. So you know, it is what it is.

Nefisa said, Elmwood definitely gives little East African not Lil honey, thank you.

Let me see what else are you talking about?

Julissa to get your guy Consultation training and podcast links are in Amor's bio. Don't forget share the live thank you ladies. Tap tap, tap the live. Share the lives. Do whatever you need to do. Let the algorithm do its thing. Honey, thank you. Thank you. Doula Girl D said, my midman I just started to pay attention to is moving on I think. Girl. Miss your chance girl. Get another one. TL Hale said, what about engineers? Girl, I love them, girl. I'm all about the engineers. I'm all about the accountants. I'm all about also the teachers. That's like my also the blue collar guys. That's like those are like the four careers that do really well.

So I'm always checking on them.

Let me see what the gag is, honey.

Zao said, I'm giving up on us men. I think no shaker if you are a black woman, you need to be traveling outside of the states any chance that you can get.

Because.

America undervalues you.

Like no shade for many of you all.