Dating Q and A 02-04-24

Oh, old boots, honey. Old boots. This body. I don't know how much longer I can stand.

On business.

Oh, my goodness. Hello, hello, hello. I'm here. I'm here. And guess what? I'm also queer. I know. I know. Big shocker. Big shocker, y'. All. Big shocker. Hello, ladies. I hope you're doing well. For those of you that are just. Oh, Michaela said, I'm just watching you on YouTube, girl. Stop stalking me. Stop it. Stop it. Hello, hello, hello, ladies. I hope you're doing well. For those of you that don't know me, my name is Coach Anwar. I am a dating coach for women of color, specifically black and brown women. And we're going to kiki. Today, we're going to talk about love and dating and relationships and men or women, right? Or anything in between. Girl 2024. Now we, you know, everyone's everywhere.

For those of you that have questions, please put them in the comments in the chat, and I will answer them in the order that I see them. And.

If you want to learn a little bit more about what I do, you can definitely check out my bio. I have a link to my YouTube channel, which has all of my videos, all of these lives. I have a link to book a consultation call if you want to work with me. I have links for free trainings and also my podcast, which is amazing, by the way. Yeah, good. All right, let me see what y' all are talking about, honey. Cuz I know you already talking.

Hello, Alexa. Hello, Michaela. Hello, Keisha. That's the name of my cousin, so we're officially cousins. Chronicles of Crizy said early today. Anwar girl, not so early. Oh, and by the way, if there's anything that I say, either educational or.

Know, entertainment wise, that you love, definitely tap, double tap, triple tap the screen so we can get these likes up. There's probably going to be about a thousand people in here at some point, and hopefully we can get to 100,000 likes. Hey, Ms. A. Hey, Michelle. Hey, MK. Hey, Art. Morning, Italia. Now. Italia, Mark. Are you in Italy? And if so, what part? Hey, Lydia. Girl, good to see you. Hope you're well. Eat with elegance. Said hey, girl. Hey. Hey, gr. Hey. Hi, Eve. Hey, eard drum. Good morning, Art and Dance and Shada. Hey, Kate. Hey, Ray. Dance and Shada said she has a question. Girl, put it on here. Stop teasing us. Yeah, shoot.

Chronicles of Crizzy said, amware the goat. Girl, I'm just regular degular. I'm just a suburban mother of three re.

Who has an umbra for his daughters.

Just trying to do the best that I can for God in my country.

Just call me a suburban mother in the Philadelphia area who doesn't know if she's Republican or Democrat. I'm just kidding.

Okay, June says, good morning, handsome girl. Don't flirt. Don't start now. Won't be none. Art said, what do you think of Bumble premium for women of color? I think that this is the advice that I give for all apps. You want to see if that app is giving you what you need for two weeks. After that, if it's still giving you a good healthy amount of men in the pipeline, girl, pay for the subscription. Especially for a place like Bumble. Like you want to be able to see the people who are liking you and all of that other stuff.

Dancing Shadow said, this guy hints he likes me, but he but never tells me what should I do? Well.

We are not playing games here, right? We're not. We're not going to work with the Riddler. So he either has to make it known or he needs to become unknown, if you know what I mean. Ray says, I'm struggling with meeting men. What? What to pursue me? Who maybe who want to pursue me. And I have had no luck on the apps. Well, girl, take a break, chill out.

My question for you is what are you doing to pursue yourself?

Yeah, what are you doing to find you? Because here's the thing, I think a lot of people like center men and so if nothing's happening with men, they think that life is over or like delay, disappointing and all of that. Girl, no shade but these men, what, what can you do right now to create amazing, a well rounded life and happiness within yourself? That's the question that I have for you. So my behind. I just started getting back into tennis to find that fun part of myself again. Because for many black and brown women, oftentimes your childhoods are like robbed from you. No shade. And so you actually become an adult really quickly. And having success in dating is like actually having fun. So how can you find that little girl within? That's the question for you and everyone else on this life. Yeah. And thank you all so much for the 5000 likes already. I appreciate it. Michaela said, how can black women be more valuable? What do you mean? Your value, your worthiness, your deservedness is innate, Right? So if your mind hasn't caught up to your innate value, this is a mindset and confidence issue within yourself. That's what I want to offer you. Yeah. Who says that you're not valuable. And does their opinion matter? That's the question. Good morning, Cynthia. Good morning, Jaleesa. Keisha says, how does a youngish 42 year old widow get into dating? The same way everybody else does, girl. You download an app and you start talking to guys or you put your shoes on and you go outside. It's not that complicated. And I don't mean that to be like, dismissive. I mean that to say, like, sometimes ladies, we just gotta go Nike and just do it. Yeah. A lot of girls are like, trying to like, oh, my God, I have to be so ready. I have to like do X, Y and Z. When in reality. Please understand that, like, the healing that you have to do actually will happen while you are dating and while you're in a relationship. I think that a lot of women think that they have to. Hold on. These kids are so loud.

Excuse me. I'm alive right now and I can hear you.

Thank you. No problem.

Can I have these kids screaming in the house? Honey, you're going to see Mean, mean Papa A in a second, honey.

Anyway, you will heal while you are dating and while you are in a relationship. But you got to get into the game first, girl. You got to get into the game to score. Yeah. Michelle said, I haven't found you on YouTube yet. I will be subbing today. I know. That's right, girl. I have a link, I think on my. In my. In my link in my bio to join my. My YouTube. I'm just getting that all started. I just started to put videos and stuff like that from tick tock to YouTube. So that's like growing pretty rapidly. I already have like 2, 000 subscribers, which doesn't sou lot, but literally had like zero a couple months ago. So. Excited about that. Heart says I love you. Love you too, girl. Jessica said, I met my boyfriend on Coffee meets Bagel. Thank you. You're so welcome. I'm happy about that. Good morning, ATL Empress. Hey, Ly Eve said and I had a question about dating options. Y', all. You don't need to put I have a question in the chat. Just. Girl, just ask it. Girl, just ask it.

Okay, let me see what's going on.

What is. Let me see what's going on here. Okay. Thank you. Can you close the door, please? Thank you. Should we put some music on, ladies? If so, should it be R B or should. Should it be Neo Soul? We'll crowdsource it, honey. We'll crowdsource it.

Okay. I have lost where I'm at. I think I got it. Okay. Circuit said, happy Sunday. So good to see you. Happy Sunday to you as well. Mackenzie said, studying abroad right now, but I'm confused on how to date here. Any pointer? Well, it depends where you're at, girl. I can't if. Girl, it'd be different if you're in China versus Spain, so let me know where you're at. Good morning, April. Yum yum, Phoenix, our teen. I love you too, honey. June said.

Give me other half. Yes. 100,000 K. Good morning, Alicia.

Navaro says, how do I apologize after being inconsiderate? You apologize. You say, I'm sorry for being inconsiderate. That's the question I guess you're trying to figure out so that how can I apologize so that they can forgive me. I guess it's kind of maybe the underlying question there. And it's not. It's not your job to make them forgive you. It's up to them. The thing about it is that so many people try to have so much control in relationships without realizing that everyone has their own agency. And we can't make anyone, especially men, do anything that they don't want to do. Yeah, the bougie auntie said, good morning, bougie uncle. Am I bougie? I just. I'm regular Degular. I'm regular Degular. Girl. This is an iPhone 8, girl. Regular degular. Regular Degular.

Italia said, nope, I live in Georgia, unfortunately, but my name is Italy. Okay, I get you, girl. I get you. Atrina said, you give the best advice. Thank you.

You know. Yes, we love you. Thank you so much.

Z said, omg. Oh, Veronica, thank you so much for this.

Julie said, how do you make yourself not want toxic games anymore? You're gonna have to. Oftentimes what happens is we create bonding patterns. And so, like, if you have like a toxic roller coaster relationship with your parents, that you're gonna think that that's love. So it's really about healing some of those inner child wounds so that you don't like the roller coaster. Makes you sick. It doesn't excite you.

Michelle said, yes, Tell them the real deal about the umbrage. I'm trying, girl. About to put a TikTok shop on if you're not careful. Girl, I'm gonna go into asmr. I'm gonna go into selling shit on TikTok. Girl. Like girl.

Chloe said, not the non partisan mom.

Girl. Okay, don't believe anything that I say outside of dating. Dating.

I'm serious. About my shit, everything else. I am wildly unserious.

Yeah. Lydia said, Bumble Premium didn't do for me. I'm not renewing. Okay. Good for you, girl. Thank you for sharing. Here's the thing. Like I said before, if it's giving, if the app is giving you what you need originally, then you'll want to. You'll want to subscribe to it and invest in it. If it isn't, don't.

Koi koi, baby. Red Said, what do you think about matchmaking? I think that it is.

For black women, brown women. I don't think it's it. I would never recommend that to anyone. My. My sister, not my best friend. And it is because I think some people think, oh, my God, it's going to help me just find guys that are going to be aligned with me. But you don't get to understand and vet for yourself. Also, they don't know how to match black and brown girls. Right. Because it's actually much more complicated than they think. Right. They're just going to, like, within their list, they're going to give you half black guys and half white guys that are just kind of open but like.

It'S. It's not. It's not a good solution. I've heard. Unless. Let me know if you've. If you've met and heard of and you know people that have gotten married based on matchmaking. Girl, put it here in the chat. I don't know that many stories and I've been in the game for a while. Yeah. Faye Said, have you ever worked with Muslim women? I work with them all the time. I'm working with some right now. You know.

Christina, thank you so much for the ten roses. Jessica, thank you so much for the four roses. Tiger Said, are Greek men packing? Well, actually, you said our Greek man packaging, which I love your question better. Are they packaging? I think that. I think that they are average to a little bit above average, but.

Not much.

Ty X. Reese said, got told I was too high maintenance by a man I was seeing. How should I navigate from here? Do the same exact thing that you're doing. Keep on. Keep on doing what you're doing.

Anyone that says you're high maintenance means that they just cannot afford you. And they know that they don't have what it takes to be able to maintain what you got going on. Yeah.

Please understand that people that can take care of their business. You never hear that name. You never hear those words.

Right. This is very important because he's trying to make you lower Maintenance so that he can handle you. That's why he has you questioning, well, what's going on with my maintenance? No, girl, keep your maintenance high.

It's filtering out the guys that can't handle you. That's good.

Jasmine said, any advice for two single parents in a new relationship?

No. Like, keep doing what you're doing. Right. I think a lot of single parents think that, like, this experience should be very unique for them when in reality, like, you need to focus on your relationship. Right. When you're a parent and I'm speaking from first hand experience, oftentimes you may lose your identity because your kids are always coming first. So part of the underlying question here is, well, how do I keep them first but also maintain this relationship and put me first. Right? You got to put you first because when you put you first, you will be able to provide for anything and everything that's around you, kids included. Yeah, that mama said. This is poignant. Date yourself, babe. Yeah, 100%. TX Reed, thank you so much for the rose.

Dance. And Shadow said, I appreciate you for answering my question. Love seeing the family on Friday. I love that. Thank you so much. Yeah, I usually do not show them, but because I was tired and I didn't want to, I wanted to go on, but I don't think I was going to be on late. I just was. I was on at like 4 or 5pm and the kids were out and about and.

Trying to get y' all into my program. Apparently. It was very, very cute. Eva, so deep. Thank you so much for the 14 roses. Good morning, Wonder Woman and Augusta.

T. Thank you so much for the tin rose.

Miss Diva said, hello, gorgeous. Hello, girl.

The Karina said, what if I catch my boyfriend staring at my sister sometimes? How should I address it? I don't think you should address it. Guys that stare like that are probably. It's like one of the telltale signs of a cheater. So this is the thing. Sometimes people are like, oh my God, I need to tell him how I feel. No, girl, keep that to yourself. Right? You want to be an observation mode. You want to see if he starts to escalate. Like, if it were me, I'd be like, okay, I already know you, you. You're a cheater, girl. I always say girl to him, right? You're a cheater. You, you, you wandering eyes already. Your spirit's already wandering, girl. The spirits that are in this house right now, you best part, your spirit, girl. You're just wandering. Your boyfriend's probably doing the same thing. Sounds Like a cheater to me. No shade.

Big B said, do you have kids? Yes, I have three of them.

People are acting, getting my snaps together, honey. Gay for a reason. Gay for a reason, honey.

Jessica, thank you so much for the heart me. Emily said, how to be approached by a white man. Easy. You literally just have to give them the green light. Most these. These white guys don't know that you're checking for them. They see your skin, they're like, oh, she wants a black guy, right? No. You got to let them know that you are.

You are participating in white boy winter. Yeah. So you can give them eye contact for at least three seconds. Some of these girls are acting like it's 19, 20, honey. And they're doing the. And then looking down, honey. No, honey, you got your rights now. No shade. So give them extended, like, eye contact. Three seconds at least. Right. Wave at them, wink at them, smile at them. Tell them to come over here and ask them a question. Give them a compliment. Engage with them, girl.

Renee said, you so gorgeous. Thank you, girl.

Ladybug says, do men who are not ready ever come back? Never. Got serious. Ended maturely. Great connection.

They may come back. But here's what I want to offer to you. Any guy that's coming back within six months probably hasn't done the work to get ready. The. The guys that come back, sometimes it takes a year or a couple more years.

Yeah. So sometimes they'll be like, oh, I'm not ready. And then two months later, be like, hey, what's up? No, still not ready. He just wants to know if he still has access to you or not.

Yeah, that's what I'm trying to say. Someone said that she looks down, too. Girl, don't give Jim Crow era, sis. Thank you. Sugar on the flow. That's not what this is about.

Tired of it, honey.

Okay, let me see what's going on. J. I just started dating a guy two and a half months ago. He is pressing me about a relationship. Red flag. No, he's ready. This is the time. Two and a half to three months. That's. Y' all should be thinking about a relationship. The question that you should be asking yourself is why you're not ready. Is there something going on? Is your intuition telling you he's not it?

Michelle said, I got a date today with your advice. Thanks. You're welcome. I was so happy last night. I get these messages a couple times a week from past clients thanking me for their time in the program and what they learned and their partners and so forth and so on. And she was sharing with me, her partner, and that she's 39 weeks pregnant. She's about to have this baby pop out, honey. Another, get your guy baby. And you know what I said, girl. I said, congratulations. Name her Anwar.

Beautiful name for a girl.

Yeah.

Cha Chu said, have you worked with Haitian women? Yes, I have, girl. And it's a very difficult road because y' all chatting with those Haitian men. And those Haitian men are.

Let me see. User200. Why do men ask for so many pictures? In the talking phase, 10 pics sent and it's been three days. Don't ever send pictures to men. It is because you're chatting with guys that are basically no shade prisoners. That's what prisoners do. That's what military men do. When guys ask you for pictures, it's because they have no I. They have no concept. They have no inclination to actually take you out. So they're probably no shade. Just gonna jo with it and call it a day. Don't get pictures to men. And when they ask for pictures, just let them know, if you want to see me, you can just take me out, period. Winky face emoji. Okay. Betty Ivy said, good day, love. Good day, honey.

Amaya said, how do you show you want to be serious, not just having fun? Men know that if you're dating that you want. That you want to be serious. They already know that. So you don't have to show them anything. They have to show you that they're serious. Right. This is about. This is about being the chooser and not waiting to be chosen. So this is a mindset shift that you're gonna have to take. Yeah.

Betty Ivory, thank you so much for the Eight Roses, best friend. Thank you so much for the fire.

Chichi Sam said, white boy Winter. I found my construction honey on Bumble. He better be building it and deconstructing it every night, honey. No shade. No shade. Let us know. Inquiring minds want to know, honey.

Tanya said my ex said I was high maintenance because he was broke. That's right. Guess what? Everything is expensive when you have negative $5 in your bank account.

Honey. When I was in college, before that fafsa Hit Girl, everything was high maintenance for me, too. Even textbooks.

Cersei said someone called me low maintenance. That is one of the worst things that they can say to you because what that means is you probably doing way too much for him. And our boundaries are out of whack, girl. If you want to change that, definitely book a call with me. Get into one of my programs so we can switch that game up. You want to be called high maintenance, you never want to be called low maintenance. Yeah, low maintenance is like Walmart, Right? High maintenance is like Hermes. And that's not me coming for you. I'm just saying Walmart. Everybody comes in, and half the people are stealing. No shade. These guys call you low maintenance because they're stealing from you. Yeah. So we got to change it up, girl.

Best friend, thank you so much for the six cloud breads and the whipped coffee and the fire. Veronica, thank you so much for the six fires. Tiger said, let's get these likes up, honey. Thank you all so much for the almost 29,000 likes to. To begin with.

Tia said, why do lots of men struggle with commitment, or is it just me? It's not. It's the. Is this the interesting thing? So some of the guys, it is commitment, but most of the times, it's not commitment. It's actually love. So. And I think I'm gonna do a video about this. But for the guys that struggle with commitment, it's probably a mommy issue. But most of the time, it's not about the commitment. It's about actually falling in love. So that's why a lot of guys won't. Won't put a lot of effort into this, because they're scared of falling in love. You have to understand that, like, when a guy falls in love, his testosterone drops. Yeah. So, like, it drops, like, 20 lower than what it normally is. And so that's why he doesn't know if he can live and, you know, basically achieve his goals with that lower level of testosterone because it actually weakens him. That's the thing that I think a lot of women don't necessarily understand or know, like, biologically. And so that's why, like, if you. If you've ever dated a guy that's, like, in grad school, med school, or things like that, he'll very rarely get into a relationship with you because he is focused on this really intense goal. Same with entrepreneurs, right? And they need as much testosterone as possible to achieve that goal.

Veronica Seabury said, this man changed my life. In what way, girl? In what way? Katrina, thank you so much for the rose. Two Roses Ecom. Thank you so much for the rose. Elisa, thank you so much for the rose.

Tara said, do you start splitting dates after date 5? So in my program, I share exactly what you need to do on each date. Right. So that you're very clear about. Oh, when should he pay? What should I do in those dates. Right. So that we are aligning with the male psyche so that we can move toward commitment and exclusivity. So if you want to learn more about that, definitely book a consultation call. If you want to work with me professionally. Yeah. Some of the girls are trying to book these calls because they just want to kiki, girl, we can kiki on here. Yeah. But the consultations are really for women that want to do the work and want to work with me. Yeah. Laurie said, how do you communicate you want to be a housewife? You don't necessarily have to communicate that. You just have to not do anything and let him do everything. So he understands that the expectation is that you're starting how you're going to finish, which is doing nothing. And I don't mean housewives don't do anything. I'm just saying that you're not going to be doing a lot of work.

Shani said, you're so handsome. Annoying. Thank you, girl. But you really shouldn't flirt with me. My husband won't take you out. He's very protective.

As he should. As she's. As he shed. Honey. Norman said, how many kids do you have? I have three. Three, three, three, three, three, three three. Six Mafia. That's what I call them, honey.

Maxine said, you are the only dating coach that actually knows what you're talking about. The only one I've seen. Thank you. I appreciate.

Veronica, thank you so much for the 17 fires.

Kaylin A said, should I let attraction grow? He's a great guy and has all the things, but no butterflies. You shouldn't be having butterflies at the beginning, honey. That is. That's anxiety. That's what the patriarchy wants you to believe so that you lose all your critical thinking skills and they can do whatever they want with you. It shouldn't be butterflies. You should actually have a calm within you. Right. You should feel very centered, very safe, at peace with your guy. There's. Here's the thing. If he is. If the attraction is a five or more, great. Keep on rocking on meaning. And if it's growing with time, if it started out it was less than a five, it's probably not going to go anywhere. That's what. That's how I think about it. Elation said Elmar, what's a good timeline leading up to marriage? How long to date? Relationship engage. So I did it a a video about dating timelines and dating boundaries. I always say you want to get engaged or married within two years. Yeah. You want to be in an Exclusive committed relationship within three months.

J. Bella. Hey, girl. Regina. Thank you so much for the rose, girl.

Taji said, men never approach me. I smile and try to be approachable, but it doesn't happen. What do I do? Well, first of all, you don't want men to approach you. I know that sounds really crazy, especially in, like, public spaces. Like if you're at the mall, if you're getting gas, if you're at a Walmart, the guys that approach you are going to be wildly unserious and are just trying to play you to just try to get a number to sleep with you. The guys that you want to engage with are guys that are in more intimate spaces that have, like, an invisible velvet rope. So, like conferences, museums, house gatherings, certain events where not everybody can get into, those are the people that you want to start having and meet. Because here's the thing. When you're in those sorts of spaces, it's not about being approached. It's all mingling because you're all in the same space. Yeah. And there's a level of familiarity there that doesn't feel like this rando is coming up to me.

Lane said, were your kids adopted or do they have your beautiful face? So all of our kids are from surrogacy, so my older kids are biologically connected to me. And then my younger youngest daughter is biologically connected to my, my, my partner. That's why she is white with blonde hair.

So am I.

Lola said, love you, doll. Happy Sunday. Happy Sunday to you. Thoughts on Serbian men. They love black women. They will chase you down in Serbia if you walking down the street. So if you going there for a vacay, honey, during the summer, don't be surprised. The stairs are. Oh, my God. I've never seen a goddess like this before. It's not. I want to kill you. Okay. Jordan Said, just got out of the gym to see you are on live. I love this. Welcome, girl. Welcome, welcome, welcome.

Karina said, they don't like it. She talking about the white men.

A lot of them do. Girl, you think that they don't because you still live in. In Jim Crow era. No shade. The research says that about a third of them, just like a third of Asian guys are really checking for black women. Am I saying all of them are checking for you? No, because I'm always going to keep it real with you as your fairy godbrother. But a third of them are. So every three white guys that you, you see, one of them likes you, girl. One of them. One of them's into you understand that. That's another reason why I think y' all are not really giving them what they need. Because y' all think, oh, my God, they don't like us, that you think they're gonna hang you, girl.

No.

I want you to understand something, and this is why I. I say this. The only way to, like, let go of white patriarchy is a black woman.

You. You are the only thing that can take this down, right? And so you have to find your own power in dating and in life. And my. What I want to encourage is you to find that in love so that you understand that, as Nikki once said, all y' all are my sons. You have power over everybody. Right? And once you learn the power of your own choncha, the power of your own pooh nanny girl, nothing's going to stop you. I don't even have a chona, but if I did, girl, do you know who I would be? Michelle Obama. And I want you all to run the world. The world like her. Honey.

Shawna, thank you so much for the money gun.

Let me see what y' all are talking about.

Madeline said, why men try to age shame women all the time. What's with the hate? Because they know that you're smarter and wiser and you're not falling for the game, so they try to shame you so that you. You feel like your value is lower in the world that it is, it's not. It's actually higher. And they know that. Yeah. Kaleidoscope. Thank you so much for the rose. The other shade said, I took your advice, stepped outside of my type, and I'm the happiest I've ever been.

And you're welcome.

Carly Carr said, I thought butterflies was a good thing. I know, cuz that's what they teach you, honey. That's what the Disney movies teach you. That's what the romcoms teach you. So that you. You literally will lose your mind if you have those. It is your body, your intuition saying, I'm in danger, I'm in danger, I'm in danger.

And you leaning into the danger. It's like you running into the. The house that's on fire, girl.

You don't want that.

Ash, thank you so much for the little crown.

Holly said, can you go into mommy commitment issues? I have an episode on that on my podcast. It's called the get your guy coaching podcast. Check that out. I think it's called the five mothers of dating. Yeah, check that out and it'll go through a more defined definition of because it's a little bit more in depth and complicated. So definitely check out that episode in on my podcast.

Well, it said I only find bad boys physically attractive. Hell, here's the thing. If you find bad boys physically attractive, that means that you don't feel safe in your own life. And you you connote like that their bad boys are actually going to protect you from the scary and dangerous world outside, when in reality they're scary and dangerous and they're going to create danger in your life while protecting you from the other danger. Right. So you kind of play yourself because they're dangerous. They're not. They're going to protect you from the outside dangers, but they're probably going to be more dangerous than the outside world.

This is an inner child wound. You have to find ways to to feel your safety internally. Yeah. Gazing moon, thank you so much for the six roses. Malia, thank you so much for the 121 roses. Girl.

Oh my gosh. Wow. That's amazing. Thank you so much.

Gazing moon, thank you so much for the rose.

Monet said my ex that cheated wants to make things right. How do I handle it? You don't handle it. He wants. He's going to do whatever he can to go get into your good graces. And then, because here's the thing, guys that cheat, they don't like their lives and they feel very powerless. And so part of him feeling better is to figure out if he can get you back. That's going to make him feel more power. But that is only going to last for a certain amount of time before he feels powerless. And he's either not going to treat you well or he's going to cheat again. Don't give him access. And we really should be blocking our exes. Honey.

Yes, expensive gems are places with invisible velvet robes. Girl Rob and triplet, thank you so much for the rose. Stevie Todd Hamworth the best way to end a long term dating situation. I've got the ick and I can't see past it. It's been great getting to know you, but I'm not feeling a connection anymore. I want to wish you the best of luck.

Said omg give us a location video. What do you mean? Girl.

Sama said should you hang out at their place as a date? No.

Not early on in the courtship.

Not early on.

That means he's already put you in a category. Any man that says, hey, let's hang out and it's like the first or second date at his house, he's put you In a hide and go seek, he's already hiding you. It's the lowest form, the lowest category when it comes to guys because guys will categorize women very quickly. So you will never become a girlfriend. He does that. Trust.

Na said, have you seen the tik tok of a woman dating a broke man? But he hits the mark everywhere else. I just saw that this morning. Yeah. And I feel bad for her. It's the, it's, it's a sad situation because you want to do whatever you can to wait until he's not broke. But please understand something. If you're with a broke man, if he is broke himself, he will never be able to take care of you and you will never feel safe. So he actually does not have the boyfriend skills. This is important because she's saying, oh my God. Everything else hits the mark. Everything can't hit the mark if he's broke. That's impossible. Cuz there's a certain mentality that broke men have that permeates the entire relationship.

Ash said, he says he, he cares and misses me, but is not making plans to see me. If a guy is not trying to see you every week and doesn't make a date each week, he doesn't care enough. Keish, thank you so much for the heart me.

Jazz said. Milwaukee dating advice for a dark skinned woman. Honey, please understand that your only way to dating success is a white man in Milwaukee. Milwaukee is really dangerous. It's one of the most racist places in the us. But when you're a dark skinned woman, one of the things that you have to understand is that the white guys like you more than they like the lighter skinned women and even some of the like, you know, white women with darker hair. So that's probably going to be your claim to fame in Milwaukee, girl. No shade. Yeah, I say that because I want us to keep our eyes on the prize. I want us to focus on the guys that are checking for us the most. And probably in a place like Milwaukee, the white guys will check for you more and be more ready for a relationship than probably the black guys.

And I don't mean that negatively against black guys. I've gotten a lot of hate this past week from many black guys and many black women that are ride and die for black men. I don't hate black guys. I am a black guy, even though it doesn't seem like it with all of my mannerisms and my high pitched voice. But I'm really, I want to share what I know so that black women and brown Women too can make the best decisions of their love life. And when I say like you know, black men are probably the hardest group to date, I don't say that lightly. I say it with lots of data backed backing it up.

Love NYC said girls in nyc. Whole Foods, the one at Wall Street. Good place to meet men. Yes honey, I love that. Give them that local tea, honey.

Vivi said, we love you Elmoir. Only you know what you're talking about. Well a lot of people have a lot of great things to share here. I know what I know and many people know what they know.

Miss Positive said, I just love my fairy godbrother. Thank you girl.

Let me see what's going on here. Someone keeps on asking about Jamaican men. Stop asking about them.

Not much can come from it girl. Jamaican men from some of the ladies that have been on my lives. Someone has once said that Jamaican men are like Nigerians without money.

So.

Take that for what you will.

Miss Pa to speak. Broke equals disaster. Men self actualize through their career so if their career is not hitting then internally they're a hot ass mess. They don't think highly of themselves. They're very.

They have probably low self esteem, low confidence and they will try to bring you down so that they can improve their confidence.

Jojo said, experience with men with eating disorders, obsessiveness, is it dangerous? Yes. You got to step away from that. He this is someone who is looking for control and we'll and we'll try to find it in anywhere he can.

And once it's not food and you're around, it will be you.

Celeste, thank you so much for the rose scroll.

Lisa said, do you think you should remain friends with a guy that doesn't want exclusivity and you do? No.

No. Because he doesn't value you.

And you have to think about your love life and the love life is this. Do you think that your future guy is going to want you being friends with some this guy like this. Being friends with these guys will block your blessing because he will be in your sphere and will create nothing but like disconnection in your future relationship. You got to think about your, your future relationship and what it's going to look like. What does that mean? It means like for example if you got your bed in a corner, you got to put your bed in the middle so you have space for your guy to come to that the other side of the bed. You got to be living your life like you already in a relationship. Do you know what I mean? You're not going to be friends with some random guy if you're in a relationship.

Flex said, what about men with no driving licenses?

The only. The only time I would say yes to that is if he lives in Chicago or New York. Anywhere else, girl. And I. I wonder.

Let's see what's going. Let's put some music on, honey. Girl, I can't just listen to my voice all day. One, that's annoying.

And two, that's annoying. Okay, let's see what's going.

On.

This is better.

Shayla, thank you so much for the Five Roses, girl.

Alexis, thank you so much for the rose girl.

Lois, Joy said, broke guys saying they want to get married ask them if they can afford a. An amazing wedding.

If he can't, he's not ready.

Think the average wedding is $30,000.

I'm not saying that that's good. I'm just saying, can he afford that? Can he afford a ring? That is.

Significant.

If he can't afford the wedding, he can't afford the marriage.

True tea, girl. True tea. Liana, thank you so much for the rose.

Naya was here. You told the truth. They shouldn't be mad. They always gonna be mad, girl. And the bigger that I get, the more hate I'm getting, girl. So pray for me, honey. Protect me.

I appreciate all the love. Jay, thank you so much for the Six Roses.

We got everyone saying we have the same bat. I forget where we got this from. I have to ask my partner. It's been a while. Experience to win. Set. Your advice hits. It's accurate. Amore. Thank you.

Tanya said your advice is for Latinas, too. Yes, girl. That's why I say black and brown women. You'd be surprised. The lived experiences is quite similar.

File a complaint. Said, will you please answer my question? Yes, girl. What is it? You have to understand. There's 1100 of you and one of me, so I look for question marks, and then I go from there. Liana said, how do I block myself from the attention of American white men who view me as an object of desire?

Well, I'm sorry to disrupt your pattern of thinking, but all men will look at you as an object of desire because men are looking for sex and fall in love along the way, and women are looking for love and have sex along the way. So I want you to understand it just feels probably very different because there. It's very coded, and there's a lot of historical context around that, so. But please understand if you think that black men are not viewing you as an object of desire. You got another thing coming, girl. So am I saying that it's good? I'm saying it's part of dating. And it is important for you to set boundaries based on what they say and what they do. Hey.

Baby.

Alexis, Haley, thank you so much for the applause.

Malia, thank you so much for the rose.

I don't know even how to pronounce this. Kaname Tapula advice being powerful feminine in a male dominated career. Well, here's the thing. I think a lot of women that are like in real estate, in tech and finance, even some of the consultants and the lawyers, they're very much.

In their masculine energy. And that's the thing that allows them to thrive in their career. What they don't understand is that, or maybe you do, right, is that when you translate that into your love life, oftentimes what happens is you will attract two kinds of guys. Guys that are in their hyper, AKA toxic, masculine energy that will try to make you submit into your feminine, or guys that are in their dominant feminine energy that have regressed into teenage boys and that are looking for a mother.

Those are the only two guys you will attract. That's why I'm always saying, girl, we got to balance that out. We got to have some femme, some mask energy, girl, so that we can find guys that have also those things. Because that's what's required in a successful relationship. Today.

Mimi said, is it okay to buy a V Day gift for a guy you've been talking to for a month if he's not your boyfriend? We should not be buying him gifts.

This is what happens when you try to play girlfriend and you're not the girlfriend. He will never feel inspired or incentivized to make you a girlfriend when you already giving him all the benefits of it.

So the answer is no. That's what I would recommend. But up to you, your love life. Malia, thank you so much for the Eight Roses girl.

Jay, thank you so much for the three roses.

User251 A guy asked if it should be 5050 after our first date. Is that normal? Well, you just let him know that that's not something that you're comfortable with. But if that's something that he wants, no problem. It just won't be a match.

See how I didn't. I don't. Don't stutter when it comes to like that. Don't be like, I don't know. No, no. Know exactly what you're gonna say. If that's something that you're into, totally fine. That's not something that I'm interested in getting into, but want to wish you the best of luck.

No drama, no how dare you. None of that. Very clear, honest communication. Calm communication.

D Nice. I thank you for your advice. You've never steered any of us wrong. You're the best. Thank you girl. I try my very best now. Maybe I'm I'm human. I'm not perfect and I don't get everything right, but my intentions are pure. Ashley Said, thank you so much for the rose. User381 I was just listening to your podcast. Thank you girl. I appreciate it. My podcast is called the get your guy coaching podcast. Definitely check that out if you have time. I spill all this tea and more into.