Dating Q and A 02-13-24

Hello, hello, hello, everyone. It's good to see you. I'm back.

I'm back.

Girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl. What is the tea? What is the de. Gaga? Yeah, honey, I was on last night and I'm on again tonight because I'm generally on Tuesday nights. This is my Tuesday tea. I usually come on after my group sessions. Right. Because I'm up, I want to spill some tea. I want to kiki with you all. I want to talk a little bit of ish. So we're gonna, you know, do that because that's what we do here. Yeah, we get to have some fun. We get to, you know, talk about what we want to talk about and go from there. Now, for those of you that don't know me, my name is Coach Anwar and I am a dating coach for black and brown women. And, you know, I help them, you know.

Heal, date with strategy. You know, my work is really about becoming the woman that is ready for the best relationship of her life. There are other people out here that are like, what I don't like about kind of the dating coaching community is like, a lot of people are telling you to change. Now, a lot of what I'm focused on is making sure that you are able to check in and access those. Those deep parts of you that you've always had but that you've hidden because it has felt unsafe. Right. A lot of us are engaging in our intimate relationships from a very. A place of fear. And I want to make sure that we are able to feel empowered in our dating lives and in our dating journeys. That's what this is about at the end of the day. Yeah. So let me see what y' all are talking about, honey, because I already know y' all talking shit, because that's what you do. At least if you part of the tribe, honey, you better be talking shit. That's my love language. So talk your shit, girl. Don't give me gifts. Don't give me acts of service, bitch. Talk your shit. That is. That's my love language, girl. That's how I. That's how I feel. Love.

Girl. The love languages are a scam anyway, girl. I think I'm gonna do a video about it, girl. They are for men, honey. Because guess what? Most men are going to love physical touch. We all know what that means. And most men are going to do acts of service. Love languages are based on things that are done right, not things that you feel right, which is actually very much like a feminine, energetic aspect. So please understand that, girl. Love languages Are a scam, bitch. No, shade, Shade. Yeah. So if a guy tells you, yeah, my love language is physical touch, girl, he wants to get it in just like most of them, girl, don't fall for it, honey. Don't fall for it. Because that ain't it, honey. Yeah, girl, some guy just made it up, girl. This like, Christian guy that, like.

You know, wants the girls to give it up to the guys, girl, in the name of the Lord.

Crawl. Mess. Mess. Don't fall for it, girl. Don't fall for the okie doke.

Okay, let me see what y' all are talking about. Michelle, thank you so much for the two roses. Hi, Arya. Nay Ash said, what days and times are you on live? Usually Tuesdays and Sundays, girl, but since I wasn't on on Sunday, I was on yesterday, so, girl, you got a two for one Monday and Tuesday. You're welcome.

Fizz said hi to my favorite dating coach. Need help, girl? Put your questions in the comments in the chat and I will answer the questions in the order that I see them. If you want to learn more about what I do, you can definitely go to the link in my bio. I have free trainings, I have links to book a consultation call. I have links for my podcast. Check that out if you're interested. If not, it's not really a big deal.

And we'll go from there. Get money. La said, hello, Fairy Godbrother. Hello. I hope y' all are doing well.

Draken said, missed you. Missed you too.

Latrice said, hello, my favorite dating coach. Hello, girl. Colist, Girl, I have something in my throat.

Dominique Thomas. Hi, girl, Good to see you. Edna said, love your smile. Thank you, girl. Cola said, beautiful smile, girl. You know what, Fakeroo girl, veneers galore. I went down to Columbia, got those suckers put in, girl, because here's the thing. Do what makes you feel happy. Do what makes you feel beautiful. And it was a level up for me. And the gag is, girl, when I girl, my message has been the same. When I got these teeth put in, girl, my views went up, honey. Because the girl's like, pretty.

Find your dory said, what's the tea amore? Girl, so much tea, girl. Girl, so much tea, girl, should I tell you about the tea? Girl, should I tell you about the tea?

So much tea happening, girl, there are. Girl, there are dating coaches that are starting to come for me now. It is crazy. It is really crazy.

You know, when the girls blow up, some of the girls get jealous crab mentality. And I'm like, girl, we're all sisters here. There's no need to try to come for me like.

Love you, love what you do. I do something different.

Anyway, I'm going to try to keep it Michelle Obama. But girl, when the clock starts like Hits 12, Girl, I'm going straight. I'm trumping on these fools. Please believe I will be talking about their low energy asses, girl. Sweet, small hands, all of that.

No, girl, I'm gonna keep it classy.

Before 12.

Anyway, let me see what the girls are talking about. Yeah.

Kimberly said, I was just swiping and just got a notification on your live. Yes. Ready for the tea. I love it, honey. Ash said, okay. Angie said, hey, my love. Hey honey. Raven said, I feel uncomfortable dating as a firewoman. What are your thoughts about that, girl? Why? Why do you feel uncomfortable about that? First of all, that's hot and I'm super gay. So if it's hot for me, girl, I know it's hot for everybody else. Man or woman, straight or gay, honey. Fire woman is League of her Own, honey. Yeah.

Why do you feel uncomfortable?

Do you think that like guys are going to be intimidated because you're with guys, but like there are a lot of professions where you're surrounded by guys like so. No, that's hot girl. Like, girl, I can already see a girl. You in the bedroom with all your stuff on, girl, you're Girl, stop.

Right? JVXOXO on IG said, girl, you out here saving lives.

Girl. Shut up. You have it, girl. I wish I was a fire woman.

I'm barely a water man. Honey.

Rezi said I need this so bad. I didn't worry about these damn dudes. I had fun. Yes, honey, have fun, girl. Like what are we talking about?

Okay, let me see what y' all are talking about. User785 said Amwar just be going live to keep us stressed out. Girl, it's no stress, girl. It's just tea. It's just cute.

Let me see.

Innovator said it's okay. I tell them my love language is receiving gifts. I know girl, but once you tell them receiving gifts, girl, they're just going to give you some cheap flowers that die in a week. Girl. No shade. Yeah.

Let me see what you're talking about.

Love languages and attachment styles go out the window when a guy relates really likes you. Here's what I know. What? And you're never going to hear me talk about attachment styles because yes, there is relevancy there. But what I know and what I focus on is the Fact that when you find a healthy relationship, you will become secure. That's why, like, in a recent video I was talking about, like, a lot of the healing work that you will need to do will be based on.

Like, while you are dating. Yeah. And when you're in a relationship, I think a lot of the girls are like, oh my God, I gotta get my life together. I'm not ready for dating. Girl, you just gotta be 50 there. You will do some of the healing work while you're dating and a lot of the healing work while you're in a relationship. Yeah. Jvxoxo said, listening to Anwar will keep you from being stressed and pressed. Girl, these men are wildly unserious. Girl, dating is a joke, right? Like, I think we're making it like do or die. Like, the way that I want you to think about dating is like, if you were never going to find your partner, how would you be living your life? Like, if you were not hyper focused on getting a dude, getting a guy, right?

What would you be doing?

What would. What's your plan B? I'm not saying I don't want you to get a guy. What I am saying though is that I want you to live your life as if it like, was a non motherfucking factor. That's how I want you to be living now. Many of us aren't. Yeah.

Okay, let me see. Sav J Lives. Said Anwar. Any feedback on Dating Olympics January? What does that mean? Oh, girl. No, girl. The apps are not apping. They were wildly down this year versus last year and years previous. So I've had. We're redoing things in my program to make sure that my ladies are going to get their guys. But yeah, the apps are not apping. So we have to diversify our approach now because of it. And I don't really, I don't really see that coming back at the way that it was back in the pandemic. I think that was like the height of apps, like, in terms of like efficiency, effectiveness.

I don't see it coming back. Just like literally every year, the kind of efficacy of it has just been going down.

Mimi said, how do you politely encourage him to groom himself and dress better? If you've been on more than three days with him, you got to just be truly honest with him, right? Like, you know, obviously do it with some compassion and with some grace. Don't just say, dude, you stink, but you want to be like, hey, you know, I really enjoy spending time with you, but you know, I really want to get close to you. But there are some things that are, you know, giving me a bit of, you know, making me hesitant and making me feel hesitant about kind of getting more close to you. Right. Whether it's his breath stinking, whether it's he stinks.

You know, whatever it may be, like, dress better is like, you don't really have to call that out. Like, if you are to. If y' all are together, you can just start getting him clothes and he'll start wearing them.

Angel said, what if they don't consider physical touch to be their love language?

I don't believe it.

Men will have two, two love languages, physical touch and acts of service.

A man that doesn't have physical touch as their love language is like, he's built like a Ken doll, girl. Just flat down there. No shade. Yeah.

Latrice, thank you so much for the love. U appreciate it. And thank you all so much for the 14, 000 likes. If I'm anything that I'm saying is resonating with you, definitely tap, double tap, triple tap the screen, honey. Yeah.

I am Marie Louise. Should you try dating a guy friend if you're both single? If you've known each other for six months or more and you feel like a little bit more lust, yes. But you want to see, is he, like, initiating a lot of the times that you're meeting up? If so, yes, lean into it. If you're the one that's, like, leaning into it and initiating a lot of it, then I would just sit back and see how he makes it work.

Pretty healthy said, are engineers good to date? Yes, honey, they're everything. You want to date them, you want to marry them, you want to do whatever you can, girl. So go to mit, go to Carnegie Mellon, go to Caltech, honey. Go to Silicon Valley, girl. Parts of Boston, Austin, Texas, girl. Just walk around.

Yeah.

Vanessa said, hey, King. Hey, girl.

Wildflower said, do you think men should chase? I don't think men should chase. I think that they should pursue. And there's a difference. And I think a lot of women actually get confused by this. What do I mean by pursue? Being pursued is like a marathon, like church jogging, right? Getting chased. Like, girl. When you were playing tag when you were five years old and you were running for your life because you thought that that person was going to tag you and you would be it and you would die, honey, that doesn't feel good, Right? Your heart is beating like crazy. You think that your life is on the line. A lot of these men will chase you and because you're not used to having a lot of attention. You'll, like, eat it up, girl. Don't eat the chase up, girl. If he's trying to see you three, four times a week, girl, you set the pace of the courtship by your boundaries. So you got to make sure that you're owning the pace, okay? Because those guys that will chase you will not like the fact that you are doing things on your pace. Guys that pursue you will already create a pace that is safe. Yeah, there's a difference.

Gianna said, love your content. Thank you. May said, he asked me to be exclusive on the first date. And you know what you should do? You should exclusively walk the other direction. Yeah. That's a love bomb, girl. Love bombs over Baghdad.

Yeah. Chrissy said, what's holding him back from planning a second date? He is communicating and showing interest.

It doesn't matter what's holding him back. Right? Two things that we have to own. One, you don't like it, and two, we have to own the fact that he's just not doing it. So if he hasn't done it within a week, you need to drop him. Daria's mom said, I need your help. Well, girl, put your question in the chat. Everybody else is doing it. Girl. It's like drugs in high school. Everybody's doing it.

Renee said, I want a black man so bad, but they're broke. Not all of them. Not all of them. You know, I know a lot of my content is about dating a variety of different people, but a good number of my clients are with black, amazing black men, and there are a ton of them out there, right? So I just want to. I want to offer that because apparently everybody. All these black men in my DMs think that I hate black men, and I don't.

Marie said, why? Your ex doesn't communicate with you, but stalks your social media. It doesn't matter. It doesn't really matter why they do that. It. They're just putting, like, keeping tabs on you so they. They feel like they still have access to you. Right. It's actually kind of toxic, and I want you to be disgusted by that. I don't want you to be curious about it. Yeah. Yeah.

Crystal said, you're my favorite. Hello from Melbourne, Australia. Hello, mate.

Kiki said, so this man gave me 300 within three hours of talking to him. I'm interested, but haven't heard from. Heard from what? Girl? I don't. I don't know about that.

Girl. Y' all so thirsty for some tea. Girl, you. You like. You like some tea, girl.

TN said, do you have a Valentine? Yes, girl.

My husband.

And he had a gift for me today. I said, no, I'll just. I'll open it tomorrow. He really wanted me to open the gift today. I think I'll probably have another one coming tomorrow too. So.

Marlena said, babe, the Nigerians are coming for you. But I love you. Yeah, girl, that's fine, girl. Let them.

Natalia, I am said, stop it. You got haters. Yes, girl. I guess that's what happened. That's what happens. Other dating coaches, black men, Nigerian men, whatever, girl. It is what it is.

Black magic. Said our guys bad at planning dates or is he just wishy washy? Most of these guys just aren't serious, right? It's not that they're bad at it. Men, when they're focused on something and they want to do it, they'll just do it, but they don't want to do it. A lot of men are unserious because a lot of men are scared to fall in love, right? And so that's why most of them will not put in a lot of effort in what they're doing, especially when it pertains to their love lives. So please understand that a lot of the girls are like, oh, my God, you know, I'm not worth it. Because he's not doing that. No, girl, he not going to do it with the next woman and the woman after that and the woman after that. Yeah.

Curly cute. Said, the apps are definitely not apping. I've deleted them all. Where do I meet a black man in Connecticut?

Girl.

Where do you meet a black man in Connecticut outside of Connecticut, honey. I'd be walking up and down New Haven in the Yale University campus to try to find an African American history or literature professor. Clock, clock that. T sheri said, hey, fairy godbrother. Hey, girl.

Moon dreams. That your advice actually works for me. I hope so.

Marlena said, we love you here in Nigeria. Thank you, girl. Thank you.

Literally said, they are jealous because they are not providing authentic tea like you. Yeah, girl. A lot of generic T. Girl. Some of the girls out here are like, wear red lipstick. Like that's gonna get you a guy. Girl. Go home.

Girl. Some of these girls are like, wear red, girl. Yeah, wear red. Honey, if you want to attract some bulls, like we're in Spain and you want them coming for you.

Girl, go somewhere.

Lenny Perez, thank you so much for the rose, girl.

LJ said, My 19 year old daughter broke up with her boyfriend. How can I Console her.

The last thing that a daughter wants is her mom all up in her face, right? So you actually want to give her a lot of. A lot of space and be like, girl, I'm here. If you just want to lay on me. You know, if you want to vent, I'm here. Right? Cook her some food, right? If you don't live with her, bring her over a goodie bag or basket and just let her know that I'm thinking about you and that I'm rooting for you and just say, hey, if you even just want me to be there, I don't even have to say anything. Just let me know, right? Some of. You know, one of the things that's really helpful is, like, just watching, like, when you are, like, I have a whole breakup plan in my. In my program. And one of the things that I say is, like, watch some, like, old shows or movies that just, like, really make you feel good. Not no Steel Magnolias or Color Purple, girl. Right. Really something that is, like, fun and just really makes you feel really good. Watch a movie with her. You don't have to stay. You don't have to say anything. You just. You just get to be there. Right?

But she might need a day or two.

Enda Money tree said, I feel like there's no hope in Atlanta. You right, girl. No hope at all, girl. Except for if Obama is there. Star goddess said ginger guy apologized and was receptive to me setting boundaries. Second date Saturday. I'm wearing gloves regardless of temperature. Is this the guy that puts your finger in his mouth, girl?

Girl, you didn't tell me he was ginger. That put. That gives me. Girl.

I don't know, girl. Okay, okay. So you going to wear gloves? You going to wear gloves on Saturday, girl? Leather gloves or, like, the, like, lunch lady gloves.

Girl. Not finger guy. Oh, Lord have mercy, girl. Girl. For the girls that are new here, girl, our. Our sis here was talking about how she was on a first date with a guy and he put her finger in his mouth, girl. Girl, he thought it was a thermometer. Girl. Did you get his temperature?

I know that temperature was.

Freak. Freak. A de.

Yeah.

Yeah. Honey, Finger guy is back. Honey. He won't leave us alone. Girl, you got to keep us updated.

Got to keep us updated on how it's going, girl. Okay, okay. Let me see what's going. What's going on?

Following Miami, what if their second message is, how was your day, girl? Answer it. Vanessa said, I'll be waiting till 12:01. Girl, you're a mess.

You are a mess. Girl. Faye says, do Indian men like plus size women? I think that they like, like average women. Like I've seen Indian men with like size 10 or 12, maybe even 14, but I don't really see that a lot of them outside of that. Honestly.

Lexus said, I'm working tomorrow. I don't have a Valentine. Girl. Be your own Valentine. Girl. Yeah. Do something for yourself. Something that makes you feel good. Who cares if you have a Valentine or not? Yeah.

That's all I gotta say.

Check mom said you speak the truth. I learn a lot from your lives. Good. That's what I'm here to do. Yeah.

Court Love said, I met a guy on Bumble and we vibed well. Girl. Y' all need to stop vibing. Honey. That magazine went out of business in 2007. Girl no. Shade. Stop with the vibes. We went on our first date but he felt like he could feel my energy was off. I explained why and told him I love to continue to get to know each other. But his.

Energy is off. Girl. Let it go. You're not supposed to. It shouldn't be that hard at the very beginning. Girl.

Yeah.

Laura said, fairy godbrother. I have a hard time dating as a major of a male correctional facility. Why? Girl.

What? What's the what? What's the difficulty? As long as you're not dating some of the guys that need correcting.

Then I think you're going to be good to go. Girl. No. Shade.

Tatya said, should we be still building our rosters near Valentine's Day?

Here's the thing. These last two to three weeks are one of the slowest parts of the season in terms of dating. So I'm pretty sure that most people have not been able to build their rosters for Valentine's Day.

Amora said, I'm scared today because I have a vision impairment. Do you think that people are going to judge you? Because most people don't care.

Yeah.

I always like. I always say whatever you think that you're like you. Your shortcomings are. You've got to be able to work them and make them strengths. Do you know what I mean? What do I mean by that? So my girl was talking about vision impairment. Girl. That widens your net. You can date older guys, ugly guys, everybody. No. Shade. Yeah. Make it a strength. Girl. Make it a strength. We're king tonight. Honey. Yeah.

Celeste said, is it okay to tell a guy you're dating for marriage? You don't have to do that. Girl. Every guy knows that women are Dating to get married. Right. And if you're saying that you're going to give off a desperation vibe, he's going to know that you're thirsty for marriage. Yeah.

So I'm just saying you don't need to do that.

Oh my gosh. Girl.

Girl. My girl who is going back to the finger licker. Right? My girls on TikTok are shocked that you're going back to him. Yeah. It feels like a violation. Girl. And I think our sisters are just telling you that maybe we should not go on a second date with him. Yeah. April said you speak the real deal. Love you so much. Thank you.

So I just wanted to offer that. Yeah, we're looking out for you, girl.

We don't want you to be his next meal. Silence of the Lambs tea. Honey.

Although we're really curious about that next date, girl. Because none of us have anything going on in our lives. So we're living vicariously through you and your finger. Looking good, boyfriend. Yeah.

Yeah. Honey. Curly Q said a second date sounds like she may secretly enjoy it.

Girl.

That's a gag for some of these girls who are quote unquote celibate. Girl. They'll go. They'll do everything around but it. Girl. Yeah. So she might be celibate. Girl. And getting. Getting off on the finger licking. Girl. No shade now. Girl. We're just having fun. We're just kikiing. Yeah.

Double OG said. I think he's all talk. 2 million net worth and divorce but wouldn't pay for a full day. Allowed me to pay half. I offered. Never offer. How do I ask for proof of income? You don't. You can glassdoor him. But don't ever offer to pay for a date early on in the courtship. Yeah.

That's the thing. When you date.

Rich guys.

They will often try to like they'll be focused on being stingy. Right. That they're actually not generous because they're. So they're still making their money versus a wealthy man where their money is working for them. Right. So like, you know, a million. That's rich. Right. But it might not be wealthy. Yeah. So he still might be working on his. So he's still might have like a scarcity mindset around money. Even though it sounds really crazy. Yeah. So we want to be dating wealthy men, not rich men.

User772 what do men think about plastic surgery? Thank you, Fairy Godbrother. I think.

Relationship men like very average women. Right. Relationship minded men. They're not really into all of that plastic surgery that attracts Boys, but not necessarily men. I call that boy pretty, not man pretty like the bbls. The boys like that. Men aren't really into that. They like a clean face.

French manicure is not all the, like, you know, designs and all of that. So.

That'S been my experience. I'm happy to be wrong. Right.

So.

Mandy Renee said, need the tea on native men.

You know, that community has been through a lot. So obviously, if you know that community, I've known quite a number of people in that community. Lots of alcoholism, lots of drug use, lots of depression.

Beautiful hair, shorter things, if you know what I mean.

Let me see what's going on over here.

Violet said, what are some card games to know that would be fun for a date? Skin Deep.

I think.

That'S one of them. Like, they're all the same. You just need to go to like a Walmart or a Target. They're all in the same board game section right next to the Uno cards. Girl. They're all pretty much the same. But Skin Deep is coming to my mind first. First, so that might be really good.

Rafa said, my boyfriend wants me to move in with him after proposing marriage. You know, that's really up to the individual. I always think it's kind of important nowadays to really, like, live with a person before marrying them. And the reason I say that is because a lot of women are getting divorced because these men don't know how to also contribute to household things. Right. And so the last thing that I wanted, I want women to do is, like, you know, play that Christian game where it's like we're going to pretend like we're virgins and we're not going to move in with each other until we're married. And then you realize that he can't wash a dish, clean clothes, or put anything where it goes. And then you are having all of this additional labor beyond working that overwhelms you, creates disconnection in the relationship. And then you're getting a divorce within two years because you can't take it, or five years and because you've had a baby on top of that, and you're just beside yourself and completely overwhelmed. And, you know, it feels like he's a baby and not a partner for you. So that's my recommendation. But there are people that feel differently, and I definitely want to respect, like, how you feel. But that's been my experience nowadays. Yeah.

Okay, let me see what's going on.

Your mom said, I live in LA and I feel like the men only care about their looks. How would you recommend meeting people?

I think that.

You need to.

Go to places that you care about, things that are going to give you life. So if that's the gem, great. If that's volunteering, great. If that's hiking and a hiking group, great. Whatever that is, that that's what you should be doing. When I was single, I was playing basketball in tennis leagues and basketball leagues because that's what I loved. Met a lot of great friends, potential boyfriends. Obviously, going online is an important part of dating as well, but you don't want to lean into that all the way. Okay.

Steph said, if you pay at the beginning, you'll be paying forever. True tea, girl. True tea. Cece said, I'm moving to Toronto. What do you think about Toronto? I think that it's obviously a big city, but, you know, it's the New York of Canada and a lot of people got a lot of different things going on and a lot of men are very much in their feminine energy there, right? And quite unserious. I think people think, oh, my God, Canada. It's going to be so easy. Everyone's so nice there.

My Toronto clients have had difficulty finding their person. It takes them six to nine months, generally.

Black Magic said, do I have to date for marriage? No. Date for whatever the hell you want, girl. That's why dating can be really fun, right? You have to make it fun and not put a lot of, like, pressure on yourself. I always say that.

Working with clients between the ages of 35 and 40 is really difficult because they put a lot of pressure on themselves because they really want babies really f fast, right? And so, like, they feel like they're running out of time, and.

So they're, like, trying to make it happen. And, like, this dating thing is about flow. It's about feeling free, feeling like yourself, being playful. It's not like work, or at least it shouldn't be like work, right?

Mel said, just watch one video and I love you already. Thank you, girl.

A to B. Thank you so much for the rose.

Dragon's Breath said, Luxie.

We'Re still out. Jury's still out on Lexi. Were like, so. So I need a little bit more.

Need more experience. More of my clients are going through it right now just to see kind of how viable it is. Grace said, what does Glassdoor him mean? So Glassdoor is a website where you get to look up salaries within positions, within companies, within cities. So it's a great resource when you know his name and you know what he does and you know what company that he works for? Yeah. Someone said what I said was low about the native men. So one of the things that you're going to have to know about this channel, my lives, we talk a lot about D sizes because we're grown and sex is a very important part of relationships. And for many of these girls who need to know, I try to just share what I know. Yeah.

Word from Wanda said, he hasn't lied yet. I followed every instruction and I'm booked all week.

Wandering soul said, what about Samoan men?

Another card game. Thank you. Yeah. Okay. Blah, blah. We're not really strangers.

Thoughts on Raya? It hasn't really been super successful for my African American clients, so.

Yeah.

Jaznick said, does being plus size hinder the dating pool? I don't think it. I don't necessarily know if it hinders it, but I think that your boundaries have to be super solid and healthy. Right. And your confidence has to be like, at a 12 out of 10. A lot of curvier women that I work with, their confidence is at a three or a four. Right. And that doesn't work. And they're, they're very thirsty for attention. And so they will entertain guys for the attention even if they know deep down inside that these guys are not safe. Right. And so that's why I'm saying boundaries are everything, especially for a curvier woman. Yeah. And you know, I'm telling t from my experience, so.

Dreams can come true in the talking stage for three weeks. How to handle Valentine's Day. What to expect? Nothing. He's not your boyfriend. Don't expect anything. Okay?

This is important. And for ladies that are casually dating someone.

Don'T get these men presents. That's girlfriend stuff. You're not their girlfriend.

Horsey. Rytus said, as a Polynesian, I can confirm I, I now grow.

Yaya said, coach, why do I get so many men on dating sites but not in real life? Because these men, these, these men are not approaching you in the same way that they used to 10 or 20 years ago. We're in a post pandemic environment. We're in a post me too environment. They're going to approach you a quarter of the time that they used to. Yeah. And so that, that's why, like, the nature of dating has changed significantly.

So. Mouse moments said, do you have kids? Yes, I have three of them.

Steph said, how long should the talking stage be? So in my program, the way that I think about things, there is no talking stage now. You can be courted and that's different, right? Talking is back and forth. 50, 50 corded is you stay on your throne and you let him come to you each and every time.

Sid the gem said, amore. I'm going through it, girl. What happened? What's t Chocolate landed. Thank you so much for the rose.

Malaika said, why are men afraid to fall in love? Because when men fall in love, their testosterone drops and that doesn't feel safe for them. When women fall in love, their testosterone increases so they feel even more secure. That's like a huge difference between men and women chemically. So, like, that's why I always say, like, men that, like, are in grad school or have really, like, demanding careers or will feel afraid to fall in love because it means that they're not going to be like, operating in their full capacity.

Angie said, should the single girls be out tomorrow? Yeah, honey, do something for yourself, right? Be your own Valentine. Whatever you want. That's what you should be giving to yourself. Okay?

Kana said, and we definitely appreciate you for sharing. Thanks. You're welcome. Because guess what? All of these people online treat women as if there's some sort of like.

8 year old little girl. And I've been. I've been sitting with the girls, being with the girls forever, and y' all are just as dirty as the boys are. Honey. No shade. So, honey, this is a place where we get to talk about the D and anything else that we want to talk about without shame or judgment or anything like that. Yeah.

Unapologetic D combo. Always that. Yeah, always that.

Fluffy tree said, anybody have any tea on Filipino size?

Yeah, honey, have you ever had lumpia like that?

Rosie said, Dominicans. Dominicans are huge. You see this Gatorade bottle like that? Deja said, how can I be your client? Girl, you got to book a consultation. The link is in my bio. So we'll talk and see if it's a fit. Honey.

While I have this Gatorade bottle, let me just get a. A sip to quench my thirst.

The pop Light said, am. You are hilarious. Do you do live events? Can we Kiki with you in real life? I think I will do start doing live events when I finish my book, honey. But y' all cannot leave me stranded. Some of these Tik Tok girls, they'll try to do an event live and girl be all by themselves just embarrassed as all hell. If I come to your city, y' all need to show up and act out.

Yeah.

Sidi said, I love your energy. Thank you, girl.

Shiny star said, I love the way you teach us about men. Girl, I try my best. Girl.

I try my best. Ashley said, never get off your throne for anyone. I know. That's right. A lot of the girls really want to give that. Want that princess treatment. No, girl, you want queen treatment.

Yeah. And a queen always stays on her throne.

Let me see what y' all are asking about. Okay, you may have said this before. Every baby says, how many dates before you offer to pay for a date? So I did a video about this, and what I said was, we don't pay for dates. But what I generally have, my clients do. And this is some tea. It's kind of like you're my. You're my quasi client. Yeah. On the third date, we give a very small gift that's like $20 or less. Thoughtful gift coming from the heart. Men never get gifts, girl. So once you do this, girl, use putty in your hands, girl, that courtship accelerates, girl.

Don'T ever say, I didn't tell you nothing, girl. Don't ever.

Yeah.

Do you have an opinion on Black Gentry app? Well, I will tell you this, girl.

Someone tagged me in a Black Gentry Instagram account, and they tried to come for me. They said, yeah, and you need to start representing apps that are black. Focus. Like, I'm sorry, do I know you? Like, why are you coming for me? Right. Because I don't live for your app doesn't mean that I, like, am a bad person. We all have different opinions and thoughts and all of that. So I am gonna leave Black Gentry where they're.

Okay. Let me see what's going on.

C. Jen said, do you offer consultations for Arab women? Yes, girl. All women of color. I have, like, three Arab women in my program right now, and they're killing the game.

Steph says, is it wrong to not initiate conversation at the beginning? I always get told. I never holla. Well.

Are you talking about online or offline? Online. Anybody can start any conversation offline. I think it is going to be important for.

Like, women of color to, like, start conversations with no expectations. And when I say start conversations, I'm not talking about shoot your shot and be like, hey, baby. Right? It's just like, hey, how's it going? What are you eating there? Like, really? Just, like, the objective is to have a conversation and to connect with other beings. Right. I think people think that, oh, my God, like, if I start a conversation, it's like I'm shooting a shot. You don't. It doesn't have to. You don't need to have that energy. Yeah.

Ms. Salamo said, how do you break things off with a nice guy nicely? I don't see a future, but he's so nice and respectful. You just let him know, it's been great getting to know you. I'm not feeling a connection, but I want to wish you the best of luck.

Kimberly said, you are glowing. Thank you. Girl, I'm getting. I'm getting more and more sleep.

That's been one of my, like, New Year's resolutions. Like, girl, you gotta sleep.

So sometimes I'm taking naps in the daytime also, girl, I've been, girl, my tretinoin, girl, it's getting the skin together, girl. It's going to be baby's bottom soon, honey.

Janine said, yay. I love the D combo. I know you would, girl. You would.

Purple Bag said, don't ruin lumpia for me.

Girl. It shouldn't be ruined, girl. You should be eating it more now that you know.

Okay. Bishop said he faked entire personality for four months and switched up when my guard came down. Here's the thing. You want to be. You want to be setting boundaries a lot to see how he responds to them. Right. A lot of people can't fake the funk for more than three months. And setting boundaries and being vulnerable will help you to evaluate. Can he hold space for me? A lot of narcissists, because it sounds narcissistic in nature, won't be able to, like, be respectful of your boundaries because they're going to want to do what they want to do at their time and their. In their pace. Yeah.

I'm getting questions about some Eastern Europeans.

Yes. And yes.

Green tea. Goody said, Dominicans are mostly black, so. Yeah. Yeah. Very much so. Chance it. But the personality, no, thanks. Here's.

Here's what I know. And you know, I'm a mathematician, honey, so there is a direct relationship. Girl, I should put a graph up here, honey.

The bigger the D, the harder the heart breaks.

True tea. True tea. Correlation, girl. Correlation. R squared equals one correlation.

Mandy said, doctor, here I come. Girl, go somewhere. Go somewhere.

People saying, I gotta go.

Zaya said, I can't relive it. Jesus. Oh, chocolate said, who got a Gatorade?

Oh, my God.

Yeah, honey. Eastern European men, they're living for the black girls. Yeah, those Croatians, those Serbians. Girl. Girl, you're gonna have to run away from them, girl. They will chase you down the street.

Green tea Goody said, I gave a 15 beard kit after a few dates to a guy. He nearly cried I'm trying to tell you, girl. J said, y' all double tap the live. Thank you, honey. And thank you all so much for the 55,000 likes up in here. Yeah. Beautiful reflection site. What about actors?

No, ma'. Am.

I love all of these different places and ideas that y' all are doing for Valentine's Day. Y' all better get it. Get it.

Lex Said, who is the biggest? Well, apparently Colombians and Ecuadorians, honey. Must be something in that water near the equator, girl.

Yeah, that's what. That's what it says. But.

My senses.

My intuition.

I think that they also said that men from the Congo also, that's what, like. That's what the, like.

Global news and statistics say. But you. You and I, we know a little bit different, girl, right?

Jamaicans, Dominicans, anyone that ends with a can, can.

Except for American.

Yeah.

I think the Caribbeans are killing it, honey. Literally beating it up, honey. Yeah. So if you want to go down there to get your groove back, make sure it's not stolen, honey.

Kat24k. Said, what about Indian men's size, girl? Average to a little bit less than average.

But, girl, some of those Indian men are beautiful. Beautiful. That hair, that skin tone.

Sometimes I have to remind myself that I'm a married woman.

Girl. Like, what am I doing? I hope my husband doesn't come up here and snatch me up, honey, and tell me to go to bed, because you know I will, honey. I will, honey.

I surely will.

Let me see what's going on here.

Mystique Said, do you consult with Muslim women? I'm a black Muslim woman. Yes, girl, of course. Jovana Said, Military men.

Attend, not.

No, ma'. Am.

Okay. Said, hey, omar. Hey, girl. Hey.

Yeah.

Jay Said, so we're giving gifts. You don't have to do what I say during dates before it officially becomes a relationship. These are, like, small gifts to show reciprocation right between dates 2 and 3. And this aligns with the male psyche. He's going to. Regardless of how much money he makes, he wants to know.

Is especially for a really good guy, is she using me as a free meal and a bank, or does she really give a shit about me? This usually happens after between dates two and three. That's why you want to do this on date three so that you know that. So that he knows, oh, she really cares about me. And it will actually inspire him to do even more for you. That's why, like, half of those date fours, my clients are getting gifts from those guys because they've shown I'M thoughtful person that you have someone that's thinking about you, that's considering you. Yeah.

Jay Kokoa said, what if a guy says let's vibe until we are both ready to commit. Sounds like a red flag to me. That's not a red flag, girl. That's no flag. No flag on the play, girl. A vibe is nothing.

Harmony said. Anwar, thank you. Had him blushing today. Got his daughter and got his details. I know that's right, girl.

He finally asked. Good girl. Happy for you.

Jovia said. What.

What are your thoughts on Travis and Taylor after he's dated mainly black women? Most of these like celebrity relationships are really for show. That's why you don't really, I don't really talk a lot about them because they're most of them are not real.

This was an image situation for Travis and for Taylor. This is a win win for them. It helps their brands expand to new audiences and it makes them money.

I truly doubt that they'll be together in.

Like a one to two years.

Judith said, love your content. Thank you, girl.

Your mommy said as a single mom, when to introduce child, I think after you're in an exclusive relationship with a guy. So that's generally after two to three months, at least in my program.

Alan golden angel said, how to know if a man has a provider mindset.

It doesn't matter what his mindset is. It matters what his provider behavior is, right? Which means that he's providing for absolutely everything. You don't have to think about anything once, twice or three times, honey, he's taking care of it all. And there's never a question, there's never a hesitancy. He tips well, Right. He plans dates very well and thoroughly. Right? Because provider is not just about money. It's about providing security. Right? It's providing peace of mind. Right. It's not just money, right? If so, for example, like I'm in my relationship, I am someone that is in the masculine energy and so I take care of all of the travel that we do, right? If I tell my partner, like so like next weekend I'm going to New Orleans for one of my clients weddings.

I took care of everything, hotel, plane, blah blah blah blah blah, right? Because that's what someone in their true masculine energy is going to do. So for example.

When a guy says, oh, I'd love to take you out, and you say, yeah, I'd love that. I'm available Saturday evening. And within a day he's told you, here's the place, here's the Time. Here's the location. Here's the Google map to get you there. Right. That's provider.

Alex said, does size matter? If he is a good man and provider.

His size matters. And it is dependent also on your size.

Some. Some girls can't. Can't take, you know, different sizes. Other girls can. So one, that's really dependent on you. But two, I think that.

I think that there are things that matter.

20, 30, 40 years from now.

That some of us think.

Like, really matter, but they don't. Like, I'm always thinking about.

What a relationship will look like for the rest of your life. Right. And so, like, there are ways to be satisfied if someone is just, let's say, average. Yeah. But like, being a good person, a good man, and a provider.

No shade. There are not a lot out there and you want to feel safe when you come home. Supported, accepted, loved, motivated, inspired. Yeah. So.

Alexandra said, why. Why is it that men that have the biggest D will break your heart the hardest? It is because most of the blood is going down there and not pumping in the heart. So they don't even have a heart. So they can't keep your heart safe if they can't even keep their own heart safe. Girl, no. Sh.

It.

I'm getting a question about which race of men likes black women. Honey, they all do. They all do. Some of them are scared, but you just gotta talk to them. The Middle Eastern men are checking for you. Research says they're checking for you more than the black guys are. About a third of the Asian and white guys are good. Like, Hispanic and Latino men are checking for you at the same rate that black men are. A lot of people are.

Joby Said, my Nigerian friend has been flirting with me. Just found out he has a South Asian girlfriend. Thoughts? Check out my Nigerian man video, girl. That's all I gotta say.

Carol Ann Collins gave him a gift and I got 15 years of sweetness. You're right. I never thought of it. He still calls me.

Riri Magpie. How do I learn about your program? Go to the link in my bio and go to.

I think there is a button.

Hold on. I need a little bit of my Dominican.

Yeah, yeah.

There should be a button that goes through, like, my programs and my courses and things like that. And also you can book a consultation call and it has, like, all of my pricing and everything there. Is anyone else having a Dominican or something else?

Clarabel said, Are quiet women and sociable guys compatible? Yeah, but I'm like, I don't like guys that are overly Charismatic. Yeah, it's a good compliment, but a lot of those guys can have narcissistic tendencies. And, like, for quiet girls, they can get isolated really easily and kind of get ran over. So I would actually offer that I. You probably. I want you to speak up more if you're that quiet woman.

Reese Said. Oh, congrats to your client. Thank you. Like, I'm so excited for her. Yeah.

Nadia, thank you so much for the Six Roses.

Fancy said, I found my provider, but he's slipping away, girl. Why? What's the tea on that girl?

Conscious Beautiful. Said, I'm learning so much from you. Awesome. That's why I'm here. Yeah.

Kia said, this needs to be posted in a video. What a provider does. Okay, girl, I will.

Some of y'. All. Girl, y' all are gagging me. Winsle said, daughter's boyfriend tried to open up an insurance policy on her, naming him as the beneficiary. Jerry.

Stranger danger, honey.

Stranger danger.

See? What is going on?

Yeah, honey, I had to. I had to, girl. Y', all, this is my Dominican. Now y' all get into it. That's it. That's. That's just it. Now.

Clock it, honey. Clock it.

Okay, let me see what y' all are talking about.

Violet Kanjiro said, that's on Arab men. Tea on the size.

Honey, those. Those Saudi Arabians. Honey.

Oil is not the only thing that is plentiful in Saudi Arabia now. I know that why there was a war there, honey.

That's all I gotta say.

Darling. Daria said, I hear Dutchmen love us. They do, honey. You go to Rotterdam, girl, it's over.

Oh, you hear me?

Cool Mart said, why do you like teacher men? Because they're patient. Because they are oftentimes very educated and curious and make great fathers.

My partner is an amazing father. I've learned a lot from him. Like, girl, you know, when you're black, oftentimes you will parent in the way that your community, your culture and what you see, that's how you do it. And just him, he's never said, don't do this, right? He always just, like, leads by example, which is what most teachers will do, right? And so, like, I just learned and become a better parent and a better man and a better person because of him. Yeah, that. But that's why I like teacher men. That's been my lane, girl.

Always dated teachers. Honey, you got to know what your lane is. Honey, you got to know what is your guy. What is. Like, what is your guy? You. You get into the tech Guys the engineers girl.

The red guy. The red headed guys love you, girl. Right. You the, the buff guys love you. You got to figure out what your lane is and lean into it, honey. A lot of y' all are trying to try out different lanes. You gotta like who likes you. You gotta figure out out of the people who love you and like you and live for you, which one is the best out of them. Y' all are trying to find someone that's not checking for you and try to make them like you. That doesn't work.

Yeah. So I'd want to offer that whoever is available to receive that, that is for you.

Brianna said, amor. How do I deal with overthinking in relationships? I always say that overthinking is under feeling. Right. So it just means that we have to really get in touch with our feelings more and not think as much. This is why I work with smart and successful women. Because often they're using their heads and the relationships, but they really need to use their hearts. Right. And it's weird to say that because many of us are compensated based on what we think, so we're going to lead with that. But that actually doesn't fully serve you when it comes to dating and relationships.

Yeah.

Tallulah said, I can't stand you. Why is it me or my Dominican that you can't stand?

Or am I samoan?

Alexandra said, male nurses don't do it, girl. Don't do it.

Home of the the Lash Queen said, I need to become a client girl. Book a call girl. Book a call.

Home of the Lashes said, is there already a video on full dating timelines? Yeah, I think it's called dating timelines or dating boundaries. Time boundaries. Check that out.

Okay, let me see what you all are talking about.

Young mad madam CJ said, can't look at a Gatorade. The same. I don't know why not? Girl.

Fancy said, amy, I think my provider is dating someone else. After I told him I'm celibate. Till serious. Till serious. He gets to do that, girl. He gets to do that.

Yeah.

Chocolate. L said, I had one in Rotterdam. I know that's right. Girl user497 said, teachers are amazing. Yes, teachers are amazing. Professors are not.

Green tea. Goody said, but going Dutch came from the Netherlands. It's giving 50 50. A lot of those Nordic countries like Northern European countries will or do or do 50 50. That's a cultural thing. Right. But all you have to do is share with them what makes you feel good and what you would Prefer. And they will start because there's so much equality between the genders in those countries. That is the expectation, Right. It has a different history than, say, the US or other.

Alexandra, how do you know what your lane is? Good question.

There are certain guys that will just gravitate toward you, right? I have a client who. She's always getting the IT guys. Those guys will just gravitate you, right? Or maybe there's a lot of short kings that are gravitating toward you, right?

As one of my favorite movies once said, God is trying to tell you something God is trying to tell you something right now, right now, right now, right now.

Lean into the guys that are coming for you. Yeah.

Oh, my God. Tiny said, what movie is that from? Girl, if you don't know what movie that's from, then I think you might have to leave this live.

Ladies in ig Tell her where that's from.

I'm seeing a lot of purple hearts.

All right, y', all, I think I'm gonna go to bed.

JJ said, what's the difference between professors and teachers? Professors think that they know it all and actually don't have, are often socially inept. Teachers are actually very social and know how to connect with people. Because the environment of a teacher is much more intimate versus a professor that is like having a lecture of 100 or 200 people. You have a teacher that is working with 18 to 25 students that have to know them very intimately. Right. And have to adjust the way that they interact with each and every student.

All right, ladies, I think I'm gonna go.

Conscious. Beautiful said, not the Color Purple girl. Why not?

Why not?

Someone said. Thank you for clarifying that. You're welcome, girl. You're very welcome.

All right, my ladies, I hope that this was helpful for you. I hope that you learned something from this.

And that it helps you on your dating and love journey. If you want to work with me, book a call. No pressure. If you don't keep on coming to these lives, keep on listening to my podcast, keep on leveling up in your dating life. Yeah. And we're gonna keep on having fun here. Alrighty. Alright, be well. Talk with you soon. Bye. Bye.