Dating Q and A 02-16-24

Let's get this party started.

Hello, hello, hello.

Welcome, welcome, welcome. I hope y' all are doing well. Happy Friday.

Happy Friday, y'. All. Good to see you. What's the tea? Are y' all going out? What are we doing? What's the plan, Stan? Are we touching grass? Are we staying home and watching Netflix? Girl, the gag is that God is trying to tell you something. And God is trying to tell you that. And this is the reason why nothing good has been on Netflix. Because God wants you to go outside and God wants you to meet somebody.

Yeah, because guess what? Netflix hasn't been good since the pandemic. Girl, catch it.

Someone said deep oiling my hair. I know that's right, girl. Get right on that scalp, honey.

Someone said it's snowing. Everyone is home. Girl, you better. Girl, when you see snow, that is your. That is your sign. That is your omen to.

Get into your white boy winter era. When you see white snow, girl, it means get your white boy. Go outside and get a white boy.

Yeah.

And that's on white boy.

Honey. It's gonna be white boy winter, it's gonna be Asian boy spring, and it's going to be Hispanic boy summer, honey.

Yeah, and that's. I mean, that is on United Nations.

Okay, I'm not playing around with these hoes no more. Okay? Yes. That's all. Mary had a little lamb. And that's Mary had a little white boy.

Okay, let me see what y' all talking about, because I know. I already know y' all acting out. It's a Friday night and some of the girls need to get some. But they're here on this live, so they want to be entertained. Yes. Hello, Tia. Hello, official cherry heart. Hey, Jatiri. Hey, Chingona. Dulce. Good to see you. Art. Hello, Violeta. Autumn. Love, Rashada. Fatima, Heather, Brandy, Shani. I'm gonna do my my best. Whitney, Deshana, Jill. Gemini Distilleria. Uchimar, Shar.

Hey, black girl, go explore. Set. We touching these sheets. I know that's right, girl. Fatima says she's going out in a couple hours. I know that's right, girl. Nadia said I'm in the bed. Just got off of a 12 hour shift. Girl, you better catch a double. Better catch a double. Maya said, just got back from a first date. How was it? Girl, spill it. Dulce said I'm going out Sunday and I'm going to dinner Saturday. Yes. This is what I like to see. Yes. Rashada said we're drinking wine, eating cauliflower pizza. I'm all for the wine. I don't know about that cauliflower pizza, though. Girl. I don't know about that.

Yeah. J said, going out. Been dating my man for three months. Need some girl time. I know. That's right, girl.

I noticed. Right? All right, let me see what what else the girls are doing. Okay, people, okay. People are serving white boy winter, which I'm loving. Deja said, Anwar, you interrupted your podcast with a live notification. Girl, I'm gonna get you coming and I'm gonna get you going. You know what I'm saying? Cracker said, I'm writing solo to a friend's wedding. Hopefully some single set. Yes, girl. Some of the girls want to act cute in their dresses and not understand that, like that is a great opportunity to meet a lot of single guys. But you have to like no shade, girl. You got to really know the groom because some of some of these groups are shady and just hang out with players. If the groom is a player, don't talk to any guys at the wedding because those guys are probably going to be players too. No shade, shade.

Krista Said, what's going on with Bumble? It's not hitting like it did before. Yeah, next week I'm going to do a video on that. Apps aren't apping, so my program has kind of done a 180 on how we're approaching dating right now. So yeah, last year I was giving you app tea because the apps were giving still something. This year, dates are down 30% from my data that I pulled. So we're doing something a little bit different than apps.

KH said needed you tonight. Love your words of affirmation and wisdom. Thank you, girl. I try my best to do what I can and serve sometimes. Sometimes it rubs people the wrong way. I'm slowly learning, but all I can do is.

Try to just serve tea and sometimes some tea is going to burn some mouths and other times it's going to warm other people. Tst, girl.

Timmy said, trying to make a hinge profile, but I'm nervous. Girl, don't make a hinge profile. Shay said, My Friday is boring. I'm doing laundry and university work to finish that Bachelor of honors. Girl, that's not boring, girl. Because guess what? That bachelor of Honors is gonna make you some some money. Honey, money is not boring.

Wesley said, what apps are hitting? None of them are hitting.

None of them are hitting. But here's the thing. Just like everything else, just like the economy, apps go through cycles and it's going through a low cycle right Now, I don't. I don't want you to think, like, oh, my God, I'm never going on a nap again. These cycles usually last six. Six to nine months. Yeah.

So.

It'S just not it right now.

Okay, let me see what the girls are talking about.

A lot of girls are into pasta and lobster, apparently. Honey, I know that's right.

Brit said, I like Asians. Good girl. Good.

Dulce said, I'm meeting a white boy on Sunday. I know that's right.

Hinge is so unhinged, girl. It is the app that is supposed to be deleted, girl. So you should delete that app.

Troy said, but what if you are newly separated? I say, girl, you're going to need to wrap it up, get some closure on it. Divorce, honey. Do that internal work until you have the divorce. Once you get that divorce, girl, then I want you to start dating. I always tell my clients, never get. With a guy that's separated. It's unfinished business. And.

If he's dating and he already has unfinished business, this is probably not going to be the only place where he has unfinished business. Finish your business before you start dating, girl. That would be my recommendation. Right? I've been doing this work for 14 years. It's never worked with my clients and a separated guy.

Yeah. Heather said, I'm wedding dress shopping with one of my besties. I know that's right. Say yes to that dress, girl.

Jo said, I'm currently doing my masters and working. Have no time for dating. I'm 31 and 32, girl. When you gonna have time?

No shade. I have a master's, too, but it doesn't keep me warm at night.

And it doesn't give me the flowers that I got on Valentine's Day this week.

My partner also got me a get your guy coaching sign because he supports me and my business. Honey, let me show the girls. See that little turquoise sign? Because he knows my favorite color is turquoise. Let me see if I can put it on for y'. All. Isn't that cute?

That cute.

So nice. So thoughtful. We love a thoughtful king.

Yeah. If a man's not supporting your growth and motivating you to hit your goals, he's not the one people are, like, all into. Oh, my gosh. Is he planning dates and is he. That's. That's cute. Courtship. Husband. Is. Is he. Is he helping you and motivating you to get that promotion? Right? Is he not driving, but, like, really emotionally supporting you and letting you know that you can do it? That's important. That's husband. Okay, Nikimus, I just saw on Tick Tock today about the match Hinge.

The match group being sued for basically intentionally making sure people maintain subscriptions. Yeah, it's going down. This has been happening, I think significantly for the past, I want to say year or so, especially with like Hinge. So apps are not apping like I said before. And I think the CEO of Hinge came out saying that they're going to kind of revamp how the app has been. So that's good just for some of the newbies that are here. My name is Anwar White. I'm a dating coach for black and brown women. People call me Coach Anwar and I'm here to answer any and all of your questions as it pertains to dating, love, relationships and men or women. Girl, we're very diverse here, as you can see.

So put your questions in the chat. I will answer them in the order that I see them put. Please be patient because there's almost 600 people on TikTok and 50 people on IG, so I'm going to try to get to all of them, but it might take me five minutes or so. All right. And if there's anything that I say that resonates with you or you're like, oh my God, you're spilling. Tap, double tap, triple tap the screen and you know, run up the likes. I want you running them up to the point where you got arthritis. As my, my granny would say. Arthritis. Yeah.

I know. That's right. Honey.

Boo bear said, have you seen the new season of Love is Blind? I haven't yet. Girl, I've been. Girl, I've been going kind of crazy viral over the last two weeks and it has taken over and I've done a lot of different interviews and so it's, it's been a plus. My business has been going crazy, so I've been very busy. But I'll hit it up this weekend. Girl, is it worth it? Should I watch it? Call me. Thank you so much for the rose. Medusa said, I'm so ready for today's live. I know that's right. Jennifer said, advice on long distance dating. What at? What specific question do you have about long distance dating? Please make sure that your questions are specific. Don't say, what do you think about dating?

Girl, I have a lot of thoughts about everything. So let's be specific here. Rashada said, a Hispanic boy broke my heart real bad. I'm too dark skinned for this. Oh no, girl, not that.

No shade. Girl, you got to watch out for the Hispanic guy. Sometimes, girl.

You gotta. You gotta watch out for everybody. Right? But literally there are support groups for black girls that have dated Hispanic guys.

So with that said, okay, Kirker said. Also going to a work convention in D.C. next month. Any tips? Yes, Squirrel. When you are at a convention, when you are at a conference, when you are at.

Networking events, don't act cute and don't act mute. And also, no shade, but stop just talking to the girls. Some of y' all are acting like it's a lesbian bar at the convention and at the conferences, and it's not.

And I say that with love. Obviously, it's like, easier, right? But talk to the guys. Have fun, flirt. Talk about personal things. Don't just talk about work. And you'd be surprised what happens. I was talking to one of my clients today, and she was. Opened her mouth, had some fun, and the guy took her on a date right then and there. Yeah, it's really that easy when you allow it to be. Yeah.

Hey, Chevy. Hey, Amora. Hey, Yolanda. Yolanda said, eeo.

What do you call that? Oh, my gosh, girl. Eggplant.

Hey, Chris. Doc. Hey, Leia. Hey, Bambi. Hey, call me.

Supreme Thunder said, I'm snowed in with my bf, my boyfriend and wish to be entertained. I know that's right. Girl, you should not be here. Girl, you should be with your bf, girl. Don't listen to me. Listen to him.

Comadre said, I want a boyfriend, but don't want to leave the house.

Girl.

You'Re gonna have to snatch up one of those Uber drivers. Uber eats drivers anyone they come. Or Amazon drivers. That's the only way. Rosa, any tips on single mom of two boys going into wanting to find a quality partner? Yeah. You're gonna have to put yourself out there and you're going to have to center yourself as a woman and not necessarily as a mother. You're gonna have to really allocate the time for yourself. Because dating isn't just like, oh, my God, I need to take time to date. You actually have to take time for yourself as well, because it takes time, right, to get yourself together to do some of the internal work that is necessary to date. Well, all of that. So for many parents out there, it's hard to kind of allocate that time. But it's necessary if you can give yourself.

20 minutes a day. Right, you'll be in good shape. Unicorn juice. Hey, boo. Hey, Rissa. Hey, girl. Hey, J. Free Cassini said what about 50 year olds? What about them, Girl? What's the tea? Hey, Brandy. Girl.

Boo Bear says, is it sustainable to be with someone who is smaller than you are used to? When you say smaller, what do you mean exactly? And stature down there? Because my answer will depend on what you mean.

Rich food stamps Said. Hey, fairy godbrother. Hello. How are you? J Free Said. So happy that you are live. Thank you.

Jan Said. Trying to pull it together to make it out, but I've been sick the last two weeks. Girl, get better.

Girl. Get better. Things are about to get warm, honey. March dating stuff takes off. Takes off, honey.

Y' all need to be ready for it.

Barbells and stiletto Said signed up with coach yesterday. Best decision ever. Welcome, girl. So happy that you're in the program. So happy that you're here. We already doing that work, girl. Let's love it, love it, love it. Just got home from the gym. One girl said, I know that's right. Nay Said Anwar. We need the book, though. Boo. Girl, I'm working on it. I'm working on it. She's getting it together. Yeah. I love it, I love it. I love it. All right, ladies, y' all are gonna have to talk to some boys in real life. Some of us are playing junior high dance, and that's not cute.

So if you're playing junior high dance in the chat, give me.

Juniorhigh. Yeah. I want to know the girls who are giving.

House party host energy. Yeah. Who's talking to everybody? Who is the moment? If you're giving that, I want to know. Yeah. Because that is the era that we need to be in when we're talking to these guys.

Yeah.

Nike said or Nikki said, I need help. My last date was a decade ago.

Girl. That's when we got our iPhone 4s. So we are going to need to upgrade. Yeah. Have you been putting yourself out there? Girl? That's the question. La. Hey. She said, hi, Fairy Godbrother. Hello. Good to see you.

Sky said, what to do when he pulls away? Nothing. Nothing. Now, if he's pulling away and you haven't heard from him within two to three days, he's done. He's over. If he's. If you have been getting to know him within two to three months and he pulls away.

Please understand that before a guy wants to become exclusive or committed to you, he will pull away for a couple of days. It is because his testosterone is lowering and he is, like, kind of cocooning for protection. Yeah. Don't freak out. A lot of people freak out. And you know when he comes back after Two days or three days. Some of the girls are like, well, where have you been? Or hey, stranger. Real sarcastic, passive aggressive. Don't do that, girl. Just be like, oh, I'm so happy to hear from you. I was missing you. I was worried about you. Are you okay? But if he comes back after three days, girl, please understand and know he's not about it. He's not about that life.

Whitwell said. Just bagged a gorgeous Romanian man, gifted me two dozen roses and chocolates for Valentine's Day. We love to hear it. Synergy said. What's great about white boys, girl? Nothing significantly more than black boys or brown boys. I'm just. I'm always about sharing this because, you know, I feel like it just needs to be reminded. There are a lot of black women and brown women that are intimidated by white men or just don't think that they're checking for white men. And so I'm here. When I talk about white boy Winter, I'm talking. I want you all to feel empowered to know that you can bag and you can get any guy. Yeah. And so like. And I want to challenge you to do it so that you can understand and have that experience and that is available to you if you so choose to do it right. You don't have to get a white boy if you don't want to. If you don't want that milk, honey, that's fine. If you don't want that.

That soy milk, girl, that's fine. Girl, get yourself some Yoohoo.

My gay behind. Honey, I need some strawberry milk.

Yeah.

Moon and breeze. He's across the country. I don't want to come off strong, but I get clingy. Won't see him until July. Why? Girl, if he is not coming to see you within a month, girl, he's not it.

July, girl. What is this, deployment?

No, ma', am. I don't like it.

Oh, I'm sorry. I. I'm not going to talk to you like you're one of my clients, girl. Because that's what I. That's what I do. My clients, girl, I don't like it. This ain't right. Something right. Something right?

Yeah, girl. I see a lot of people talking about different apps, girl. Girl, none of them are hitting.

You're talking to someone who has been a Die Hard app or boy for the longest.

No, ma'. Am. Sherilyn Said thoughts on Takify? I've had a number of clients kind of engage with Takafi. I will tell you this. I've never met Anyone that has found their person on Takify. So I think of Takafi as an opportunity for you to practice. Just like speed dating events.

Yeah.

Karina said, your skin is blossoming. Beautiful skin. Thank you girl. Part of it no shade is there's like a filter on TikTok but part of it is my retinol and my rose water and my snail mucin.

Thoughts on Dominican men I generally call my Gatorade bottles Dominican men. So.

My Dominican is tasting really good right now.

Give you the Vanna White.

Harleen said, how do you fix hyper independence by asking for help? Some of the.

Some of the homework that I give my clients is no shade. Girl. You need to pretend like you have no arms and no legs and you're just a stump. So what do you do now? And they can't do nothing. They have to ask for help for everything for a weekend. That's how you get rid of your hyper independence. Girl. Stumping.

Yeah.

Okay, let me see what the girls are talking about. Okay. I'm seeing some girls with junior high only because I don't get out. Well girl, get out then. Girl.

Midlight said, master's degree. Girl. No shade. But the master's degree is worse than the junior high because at least the junior high girls are at the dance. The master degree girls are in the library.

Shay said, house party host baby. I know that's right. I went to a speed dating event last night to just open up and chat. I know that's right. SAP Brad said, where's your TV show? Girl.

Here'S what I've learned. I am. I am, I am the biracial kid of the dating industry. The dating coaching industry. Girl. I'm too black for the white kids, I'm too white for the black kids and I'm too gay for everybody. Girl. Here's the gag. The black publications won't really pump me up because I'm talking a lot about.

Dating out and I won't shut up about it. I'm always going to be about dating all kinds of guys. A lot of the black publications don't like that. And then, you know, a lot of my content is really centered around black and brown women. So, you know, a lot of the white publications are hesitant to like, you know, put me on TV shows and things like that. I like this year I told myself I'm like, I'm okay with all not having all of that. Like I just want to work with my clients. I want to have fun and kiki with you all and you know at the same time, I'm getting my money, which is fine, and I get to be, you know, very present for my kids in the meantime. So, you know, before I wanted to have the TV shows and things like that. Girl, I don't want it anymore. And to be honest with you, the more exposure that I get and the bigger that I get, the more negativity is coming and it doesn't feel good.

Yeah.

So that's that on that.

Lacey said. Lacey Monet said, the less I do, the better. Here's what I want to offer to you all, especially as women of color.

For most of your lives, you've probably been taught that you're gonna have to work twice as hard to get half of what everybody else is getting. And I want to offer to you that in dating it is the opposite. That actually while you like, you need to allow yourself to be courted and you need to do half as much to get twice as much in love. Which is like a concept that I think blows a lot of people's mind. Everything that you thought in life, like, will not serve you in, in your dating life, right?

So I think I'll do a video about that. But like, it's true. And this is why it's like really hard for many of us to date because like everything that you're rewarded for and compensated for in your non romantic life, it won't work in your romantic life. It's non transferable skills, girl. It's not like, you know, managing cross functional teams. You can do that in any industry, right? That's not it. Specialized, honey.

Yvonne said, I need to book a session. You might need to, girl. You might need to. Nikki said, how about if he goes goes away for three weeks?

Poof. The magic dragon. He's gone, girl.

Big T said, have you seen Kevin G. Oiled up girl. I don't know who that is, but I've. The only man that I'm seeing oiled up is my man.

Bari Boo Said just made it past 90 days. Finally exclusive. Your advice is so helpful.

Awesome. Happy for you. Congrats.

Miss Lioness Beauty said, what's white boy winter? White boy winter is when you go outside and you catch any and all white boys that you see. Kind of like Pokemon.

Okay.

Are you down for it? Are you down for the challenge?

Elizabeth said, how long should a talking stage be? I don't know what a talking stage is. Is that like when you go on a stage like on Broadway and you start talking? Honey, in my programs were courted. There's A difference. You talk with boys when you're in school. You're courted as a woman. Right? So I want to offer that we need to be courted. And that's a mindset, that's a presence, that's an energy. That's. I don't do anything except for sit on my throne as the queen that I am. Right? So I want to offer that for anyone that is talking to people. No.

We don't talk.

Yeah. Tiktoker said, listen, my man took me to Denny's for Valentine's day, so I'm single. Honey. He said slam.

Grand slam. Breakfast, lunch. No dinner.

Nazira said, I'm mainly attracted to soy milk though. Get it.

Doll? Black excellence. You might. You must be new here. Don't he look at the comments?

Girl, there's 700 of you in one of me. Patience is a virtue. It's also a foundation of feminine energy. Yeah. Anna K Said, what is strawberry milk? Honey, Some of y' all didn't get that joke. It meant gay, gay, gay, gay, gay, gay, gay. Oh, gosh. Sometimes I have to just like.

Y' all must not know about that gay. Steph, girl, that's fine. You shouldn't.

Quell said. Watched a few videos, implemented what I learned. I'm set for the rest of this weekend. Get it, girl. Love it.

Let me see what y' all are talking about. P said, this guy and I have gone no contact for a week. Should I hit him up first? We work together and not speaking. No. Why are. If you.

You will never go no contact with your future husband.

All of this like roller coaster love that is romanticized in the media and in movies.

Move on.

Being with your future partner will be so easy. You will never have to do this.

Yeah. Don't reach out first, don't reach out last. Don't reach out ever.

Yeah.

I'm saying this with love because I want you to think about this completely differently.

Okay.

Okay. Let me see. Let me go a little bit faster, girl.

You might have said, I asked him so many questions and he couldn't care less about what I was doing. Out.

50% of my job is just telling ladies he's out. You gotta drop these guys.

Like a bad hand in poker. And guess what? 90% of the hands that you'll get in poker are bad hands.

Drop. The faster you drop, the faster you will find your person. You hear me?

Fancy said, where are the 40 plus single heeled men in Seattle? I am feminine and romantic, girl. Go to Amazon. Go to Microsoft headquarters, girl. And just walk around.

Period. Said, I saw one dating Coachella woman in her 50s who has never had a relationship to not bother. What? You know what the interesting thing about dating as a 50 year old, it's actually much more straightforward because you know yourself. Like, when I have a woman that's in her 50s in my program, that is when I feel the most confident because I'm like, you know who the hell you are, and these men will know who you are and they're not trying to put any errors. And so really, it's just about finding your match. Yeah.