Dating Q and A 02-18-24

Let's get some music on, people, huh?

What do I want to play? I have a special. I have a special, special, special album that I want to play that I think is going to be really amazing. And I can't wait to share it all with you. Hello, Hello. Hello, everyone. I hope everyone's doing well tonight. Did you have a good weekend? Now, for those of you that don't know me, my name is Coach Anwar. I am a dating coach for black and brown women. And I want to help you get your love life together. Yeah. I want to help you get your guy. Lord knows it is getting harder and harder by the day, girl. And all I want to let you know is that we're going to have to do something different for a different result. Yeah. Now, before I. Before we get this party started, honey.

I'm going to put on what I think is one of the best soundtracks ever, the Waiting to Exhale soundtrack. Because many of us are actually waiting to exhale, Girl. No shade. Y' all need to breathe, honey. Y' all need to breathe in your love life. Some of y' all are doing like this in your love life.

Right? Who. Who still needs to exhale, girl? Give me a hashtag exhale if you still waiting, girl. Yeah, because some of y' all still. Girl, y' all not breathing, hon.

Y' all really need to breathe, honey. Someone said I've been on pause for sure. Yes, honey. Got a wooa. And the yes, honey. I'm seeing all these hashtag exhales. That's. Girl, we got to exhale. And the gag is no shade. Most of us, if you're black, you actually probably are not breathing deeply anyway because we're like, just like. Our nervous systems are always on high alert, so we're, like, kind of like short of breath and our breaths are really shallow, Girl, y' all need to breathe. Y' all need to exhale, honey. So let me. Let's get it together, girl.

I had to roll, honey. I had to roll with it, honey.

The girls who know about this, know about this. Yeah. And if you don't know about this, girl, you're too young.

Right? No shade, honey. We might still need to get our puberty. No shade. Yeah. Someone said I feel seen and love. You are seen and you are loved.

Yes, honey. Y' all need to breathe, honey. Breathe in this love life. Yes.

Sometimes you're gonna laugh.

Sometimes you're gonna cry. No, you don't want. You don't want my. You don't want my commentary, honey. You don't Want my commentary on each and every one of these songs?

All right, so for the new girls, for the girls who don't know what the T is here, you put your questions in the chat, and I will answer them in the order that I see them. Okay. If you want to learn a little bit about what I do, you can definitely check the link in my bio. I have a link to listen to my podcast, which is amazing. It's called the get your guy coaching podcast. I have links to free trainings if you want to learn more about how I think about dating. And then I also have a link to book a consultation call if you want to work with me professionally. Okay. So with that said, honey, y' all better put your mother questions in the chat. Yeah. As your fairy God brother, I want to make sure that I'm answering any and all of your questions that you may have. Okay.

All right.

Let me see what the tea is, honey. Oh, my God. Y' all are already talking a lot of already. Hello to everyone. I'm not gonna say hey to everyone because y' all are saying hey. Too many. Hayes, girl. Hey to everyone. Thank you, Duchess, for the rose. Somar, thank you so much for the rose. Lizzy, thank you so much for the rose.

If anything that I'm saying is resonating with you.

Tap, double tap, triple tap the screen. Yeah, I want y' all tapping so much, girl, that it's like y' all playing piano on the screen.

Like you're a court reporter, girl.

You know what I mean? Thank you all so much for the 7000 likes. Yeah. Appreciate it. We're going to get the party started up in here. Okay. I'm going to get this party started. Let me see where the question is. Someone has, like, Korean characters and gave me a rose. Thank you so much for that.

Yeah.

Okay. FXQCH says, is it a red flag if he says he wants to take things slow but still initiates dates? If he says he wants to take things slow and it's been three months, then he doesn't want to be with you. Yeah. If it's been a month and he says he wants to take things slow, give him another month, month and a half, and then we have to. We have to talk about commitment, exclusivity.

Yeah.

Yeah. Dayday said, my man is too busy for me. He then, he doesn't want you, and he doesn't want to be with you. Here's my. Here's what I want you to know, honey. When Barack was running for president, he was always able to Communicate and be with Michelle.

Now, if the leader of the free world can do it, this man can do it as well.

This is a choice. We get to choose the energy and the time that we put into things.

Yeah.

Giselle said, have you seen the single parent dating app? Yeah, but I'm not really a huge fan of like niche, niche dating apps. And to be honest with you, no shade. I'm going to do a video tomorrow about this girl. My recommendation for apps in 2024 is no app, at least for the first six months. It's not giving. It's not giving the way that it used to. So no apps for the first half of 2024 or very little.

And so in my whole program, we are completely rearranging how we are dating.

So that we can help these girls get their guys.

Dre Issa Baby faces pin game is real. Sure.

Keesh, thank you so much for the heart me.

Briana, Good to see you, girl.

For you. But I keep crying when I don't love you.

Okay, let me see what the girls are talking about.

Lenna said, I just left a 12 year relationship. What is the best way to heal?

Girl, I'm glad you left at 12 years, girl, because you would have been 13 years a slave. Girl.

I think more seriously.

The best way to heal is to focus on yourself. I think so many women in relationships and in marriages are so busy serving other people that they have forgotten how to be served and to make sure that they're centering themselves. So one of the things that I think is going to be important is you're gonna have to find small goals that you can accomplish to really elevate your competence. Secondly, you're going to have to center yourself. You're going to have to give yourself treats every week. And then I also want you to ask people for help and allow people to do things for you because I'm pretty sure that your guy was not doing enough and we have to kind of like break that pattern for you. Okay.

Marsha e. Hill said, OMG. How do you feel about 50? 50 while married?

I feel like that's not a marriage. I feel like that's a roommate situation now. When I was in college, we used to do 50. 50.

50 is not great. Well, I guess the question for me that I have for you is who's making more?

Are you making more or is he?

It's a question.

Drea said, I know Atlanta is hard to date in, but what do you recommend I do? I think that you should get on an app.

In Atlanta and then outside of Atlanta. But I think that you should live your life and focus on yourself.

And do things that really bring you joy and make sure that you talk to people while you are doing those things, whether it's volunteering, whether it's hiking, whatever it may be.

Wednesday said, how can you avoid DL Men don't live in Atlanta or DC no shade Tiger said, you're not drinking on a Dominican tonight. No grub. Too much Dominican, girl, and you might get your heart broken. So you can. And it's, you know, know, too much sugar. It's not good for your circulation. It's not good for your blood. It's not good for your health, kind of. You can't have a Dominican every night. Girl.

She'S having water.

Water. Having water is like having a white man. Girl.

I can't. Okay. I can't really talk about white men anymore, girl. Cuz, you know, the people, they don't. Like, they don't. They think I'm killing the race, girl.

Even some of the black girls.

Dabola said, should. Should you kiss a guy on the first date? Girl, it's up to you. Y' all are gonna have to figure out what your intimacy boundaries are for each and every day. This is what I do with my clients and help them figure out. And it's an individual decision. Now, my behind, I was a kissing hoe. So, like, girl, I would kiss people that I was not even on a date with. Catch that tea. When I would go out, I would kiss five or six boys. Now, don't be anwar, girl. If you're not that, girl.

You got to figure out what works for you. But the thing that I want to offer to you all is that.

If a guy doesn't kiss you on the first date, I don't want you to think that that's a bad thing. Most of my clients, I get with their guys.

Oftentimes that guy's not going to make a move on the first date or the second date because he. He respects your boundaries that much. Okay? So it's important to, like, really understand that. Okay. I am actually next weekend I'm going to New Orleans because one of my clients is getting married, and I am going to the rehearsal dinner and also going to the wedding on Saturday. So I'm really excited about that. Actually just got off of a session with my client who's about to probably have the exclusivity conversation next week. So I'm excited about that as well. Are gingers checking for black women? I need to know 150%.

Girl. The gingers, because they're so pale, they're.

Their SPF is like a hundred and that is how much percent that they're checking for the black woman. You hear me, girl? Six foot black queen. Thank you so much for the rose. Lovely. Thank you so much for the rose. Lily bear. Thank you so much for the hand heart scroll. Ashley said, how do you tell if you're arguing too much in a relationship? By asking a question in the live about if you're arguing too much in a relationship.

We really shouldn't be having a lot of arguments.

The thing about relationships is that they actually should be quite easy. Now there should be. There are going to be disagreements every now and then, but we should be able to resolve that conflict pretty quickly and have the skills to do so. If you're arguing every week lets me know that there's incompatibility here.

And if you're arguing what? We don't argue with men. Number one, we tell them how we feel and if they don't make it better, then they're probably just not for us. But when a man argues with a woman, it lets me know that he's not in true masculine energy and he's not in service and he is probably trying to control you more than serve you and be a partner to you. Go.

Yeah.

Bari Boost said, we aren't speaking the same love language. What to do? Well, number one, love languages are a scam. So don't go by that when you are saying that we're not speaking the same love language. What do you mean? Bari Boo.

B said, what are the tips on how to date with kids, girl? The same tips on how to date without kids. Except for you going to need a babysitter. You're going to need a babysitter's club. You're gonna need at least three of them. Right. Because I want to make sure that if he wants to take you out that night that you could just call somebody up and get it situated.

A lot of parents, a lot of single moms are in their masculine energy because they have to take care of everything. So it's really about learning how to step away from the feminine energy. Okay, sorry. Step into the feminine energy.

That's what's really important here. Now for the girls that are coming in new, we're listening to the Waiting to Exhale soundtrack because many of us just need to exhale in our dating lives. Yeah.

Me, Mike, her villa pander. Does a relationship that started in cheating last?

No. But the fact that it's continuing. Gives me pause. Girl. If we are engaging with a cheater, it's going to be really tough to feel secure in that relationship. But also, a guy that cheats, he's not happy with this. He's not happy with his life. And when he's not happy with his life, he will project that onto the woman that he's with.

Yeah.

Miranda said, yes. Please talk about hinge. What is there to talk about? Hinge. Hinge is unhinged. If you're a black woman, you should not be on hinge. Hinge will hurt your feelings. I always tell girls, it's like, remember that, like, in fifth grade when you were just learning about yourself and you're, like, starting to have real crushes, but, like, a lot of people maybe were not feeling you or, you know, you didn't get as much attention. That's what hinge gives. Don't do it.

Reyes said, I love your podcast. Thank you so much, girl. The name of my podcast is called the get your guy coaching podcast. Definitely check it out. There's a link in my bio, but it's also on Spotify, on Apple, and everywhere. Yeah.

That'S really funny. Alexa said. Hey, more. Hey, girl. Melly, thank you so much for the three roses. Danny G. Thank you so much for the rose, girl. I got. So Chloe Elise said, not. Not you bilingual. Amor. Yes, girl. I'm fluent in five languages, girl. I, you know, when I talk about all of these men from around the world, I want you to understand that I have done the research myself. And the way that I've been able to do that research by myself is to be able to communicate, connect, and talk with these men. So not only am I fluent in a lot of the Romance languages, but. But, you know, I can flirt in about 13 languages, from Korean to Japanese to Turkish. Girl. Is, you know, Hebrew.

Lily, thank you so much for the 17 fires, girl. Okay, user112 said. Girl. How can I pull a white man? Well, first of all, don't pull anyone. Yeah.

You want to radiate. What do you mean? I mean that. Well, here's the thing. White guys aren't going to come up to you and, like, spit game, so you probably will have to start the conversation, girl. You probably will have to close the deal, right? Because these guys will friend you to death. And you think, oh, my God, he's like, really nice guy. If a white guy is talking to you for more than two or three minutes, girl, he's into you. Please understand that. And if you don't believe me, I want you to think about the conversations that you've had outside of your professional world where you've had conversations more than three minutes with a white guy. Probably not many.

It's because the guys that do are into you, girl. So you're gonna have to close it up, wrap it up, get the numbers. This is one of the things that I'm helping my clients do right now as we really get out there and talk to these men, honey, and get. And get our guys.

Justice. Where should plus size girlies look, girl? Everywhere. Okay, not everywhere. Plus I plus size girlies. I don't want you looking for the big boys.

Yeah, hold on.

Let me see something real quick.

This client sent a worksheet.

Okay? Oh, girl.

Who was in their teenage years was when Brandy was letting the girls know.

Okay?

Banana says he just likes my stories but not ask me out. He's not serious, girl. Let him go. And thank you all so much for the 40, 000 likes already. Y' all are the real MVPs, honey. And I appreciate your support. I appreciate you following and all of that. And I hope that this is helpful for you and that you're learning as much as you can. You can do your love life differently.

But the gag is, girl, I don't want you sitting up in your room. I want you getting outside and touching grass. But more so than touching grass, I need you to be touching these men. I need y' all to be serving the next MeToo movement. Do you know what I mean? Girl, get these men.

Let me see what y' all are talking about.

Janelle said, the Facebook one not so good. Don't ever do Facebook dating, girl.

Brie said, touching these men is crazy ammo. Girl, I'm shy. Girl, get over yourself. No shade. And we're. Help us try. Introverted girls. What is going on with the shy girls? What are y' all shy about?

Are you, though? You know those little kids that, like, you know, people say, oh, say hi, and they don't want to say hi, and they bury their heads and their mama's lap. Girl, don't be that girl.

Girl, those kids are annoying.

Yeah.

Here's the thing. The girls are saying that they're awkward. Thank you for this. Girl. Everybody's awkward.

Bakti said, annoying is crazy.

Girl. Why is it crazy? Don't do that.

But that. That's the energy that you're giving when you act cute and mute and shy. Don't do that, girl. Why?

I think that sometimes we feel like we have to be A certain kind of way around guys. Just be yourself. Precious said, is that the Waiting to Exhale soundtrack? You better believe it, girl.

Honey, Brandy was letting the girls know.

But the gag is that Brandy girl, Moesha, this song, she's. She was feeding into the delusion of being a boy crazy girl.

Yeah.

Lord, how many of us were sitting up in our rooms just thinking about boys?

Some of us were thinking about girls. No shade. Oh, not me, girl not me, girl not me.

Hey, Nafisa. Girl. Tink said, thoughts on French men. Great lovers, very romantic, very sensitive. I'm married to a French Canadian man myself, so I have know about this. But the gag is that like sometimes you'll have like a kind of like a romantic weekend with them. And girl, if you have a romantic weekend with them, by Monday, they think that you're together. So you got to be careful for that. Okay?

Pop up Said, how long should you wait for a proposal, honey, if you're not getting proposed within the first two years? Girl, it's not, it's not it.

It's not it, Mama. In my experience, history tells me now, yes, there have been those random girls that get that get a proposal at the year seven, year nine, but you don't want to take that risk. Yeah, it's giving lottery.

You stopped at the plus size. Girls, where do we look? Okay, don't look with the big boys, okay? You got to know when you like what your lanes are. Okay.

Here'S what I tell the plus size.