Dating Q and A 03-10-24

Let me get some music on, honey. We're gonna have some fun tonight.

No, let me get my music on, honey. Hello, my loves. Hello, hello. Hello.

I hope everyone is doing well. Welcome, welcome, welcome. Good morning. Good morning.

Hello, hello. Hello, everyone. I hope you all are doing well. Good morning. Hey, Krista girl. Good to see you. Good morning, Jordan. Hey, Ari. Hey, Aaron. Hey, Kayla. Hey, Period.

Good morning, Miss Kitty. Love that name. Yes, ma'. Am. Hello, the only sweetheart. Good morning, Brandy. Ashanti, Angela, Kayla, Tiara, Malia, Kristack, Kristen, Michelle. Good to see you, my love. You need to boxer me. We need to come together.

Hello, big Miss Nikki. Lady Judy. Amina. Yeah. Hey, Brandy girl.

Hello. Good morning, Aoife.

Montreal to the stars. Cece said Grand Rising. No, ma'. Am. To that we. We do not. Do not. Grand Rise.

Hello. Cindo K. Sabirina. Hello. Nina G. From South Africa. Hello. Janelle from Toronto. Shy cutie. Happy Sunday, lady.

Yes. Honey. Triggered trigger. No. If a man gives you Grand Rising, girl, Block it immediately. Block it immediately, girl. Nothing but trouble, girl. Nothing but trouble. Okay, ladies, I want to know something, okay.

Are we in, like, a R B mood or are we in a Neo soul? Are we in a, like, dirty girls rap? Yeah. Let me know what we're feeling this morning so that I can provide. Okay. The girls are saying I'm seeing a lot of R and B. Okay. Oh, my gosh. Okay. I think more R and B this morning. Yeah. Oh, my God. Felicia, don't say R and B or Neo Soul. Girl 1. Choose one. Here's the thing about dating. Y' all are going to have to make decisions and choices. Yeah. That is the. That's the gag of it all. It's so crazy because.

Many of us want, like, the guy to make decisions. Please understand that ultimately your. Your future guy is going to want to get the okay from you, the consent before he moves on certain things. Yeah. So I think the R B's have it. Don't be mad, Neo soul girls. I literally give Neosol almost every week anyway, girl, so.

But yes. Let me see. What.

Should we. Okay, this is some Estelle. I don't know if you know about this.

Let's just fall in love. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

Let me prop up my little A cups. Honey.

Let me turn this down a little bit.

Yeah, she is underrated, Brie. All right.

All right. Let me see what y' all are talking about. So for those of you that don't know me, my name is Anwar White. I'm a dating coach for Black and Brown women. People call me Coach Anwar or your fairy godbrother. And I'm here to answer any and all of your questions about dating, love, relationships, or men or women or anything in between. Girls 20, 24, we're doing it. We're. We're doing whatever we want to do. So if you have questions, put them in the chat. I will answer them in the order that I see them. Please be patient because at some point, there might be a thousand of y' all in here and there's one of me. Yeah. So with that said.

Yeah, let's get to it, honey. Let's. Let's see what the girls are talking about. I'm just gonna. I'm just gonna give you mad tea, honey. Yeah. Paulina said, hi. Your content is great. Thank you, girl. I appreciate that. Eva said, the guy that flirts with me all the time told me last night, I live too far. Deuces to him, girl. Deuces to him. Shy cutie said, what happened to the grand rising?

Well, I'll let the girls in the chat talk. Talk to you about their experiences with those guys.

Yeah. Amy, just live and said, Anwar, I'm going through it. All right, girl, spill your tea in the chat, girl. And I can hopefully help. Help you.

Paulina said, first time trying out online dating. Good. I love it, I love it, I love it, I love it. MJ said, big brother already. Preacher and what we need on this Sunday. Yeah, that's the thing. You know, for many of our bonding patterns with our parents, we've been. We've been taken out of the, like, decision making role. And so your bonding pattern is often, like, modeled with your parents. And so you will seek men that are more controlling or people that are more controlling because our parents were more controlling. So actually, to break out of that bonding pattern, you're going to have to start to make a lot of decisions and set a lot of boundaries. And most of us, we're not raised with boundaries. And so that is the work that we have to do to make sure that we get into the best relationship of our lives. Yeah.

Alexis said, is it okay for the girl to make the effort with planning the first date? No. No. We don't admin dates. You're no one's assistant. You're no one's intern. You're the CEO. People do things for you, right? And that's a mentality and a mindset shift that you're going to have to adopt if you are going to date well and get into great relationships. Yeah.

Grandma Sutra, Grandma Sutra said, okay, but two dates and hasn't made a move. But a hug. We love that. That's the gap. A lot of people think, oh, my God, if he doesn't make a move on me, he doesn't like me. What I notice, and this is someone who gets women into relationships at least two or three every week. The guys that don't make a move on the first date and make a move on the second, third, or fourth date, those are the guys that are actually husband and relationship material. If y' all are actually vibing because they're overly protective of your boundaries and they don't want to mess anything up. So they don't make a move because they have. They need to know that they have the green, green, green, green light, girl. Yeah. So please understand, that's like a. That's what you want. You don't want a guy, like, throwing his tongue in your mouth on the first date. Okay. Yeah. And this is like when my clients tell me this, because they told me this often, I let them know, great. Keep on working it out. Keep on working it out. Now, if you're thirsty for a kiss like I am, like I'm a kissing hoe, girl, what you're gonna have to do for that next date, for that third date, when you see him, you want to give him a little peck on the cheek so he knows that kissing is okay. That's the green light right. After that, girl, y' all be kissing cousins. No shade. Okay.

Hey, Shimana.

It's your chance.

Someone said gospel.

Girl, if you want to go to gospel, you better put on BET this morning.

Yeah.

You better work. That's what Sierra did, and she got her a Russell Wilson. Honey.

Felicia said, but what about the guy who keeps staring at you, making deep eye contact, but doesn't make the move? Then you've got to make it work. Like Ms. Sierra said, honey. What does that mean? So here's the gag.

Sharon said, don't talk about eight cups. Why? Girl.

We can't wait for our love life. We have to create it. And if this is shaking, I'm sorry. Because it's on a bed, honey. And she gained a few pounds during spring break in Cancun. You're gonna have to create your love life. So what does that mean? Deep eye contact? Do a couple of things, girl. Point to him and tell him to come over here. Girl, the man will do exactly what you tell them to do. That's what I want y' all to know. You have so much more power than you think. If you want to play this traditional game, try it. But here's the thing. Back in the 40s and 50s, girl, they weren't just standing there. They were dropping their handkerchief to try to get the man to come over. So you gotta smile, you gotta wink, you gotta do whatever or right. You can get near him and start a conversation. You can say, give him a compliment. You can ask him to help you with something. You can ask for a recommendation. There are a variety of different ways to engage with these men. Honey. I just in my program and just FYI, if you're interested, you can definitely book a call with me. The link is in my bio. In my program, we talked about figuring out what your flirt style is and then going to places that align with your flirt style so that the flirts can be really, like, natural. So what I'm hearing from you is you're not really doing anything. You just being cute and mute. So that's more of a traditional flirt style. Traditional flirt style is not going to get you much of anywhere these days. No shade. So something to think about. Malaika said, how weird is it when a man drops 700 on a ticket for you for a ferry to his place on a second date? Not weird. You've got to figure out how that feels for you. But here's the thing. My recommendation, we do not. We're not in a car with a man. We're not going to anyone's house before the fifth date. Boundaries. Boundaries. Yeah.

Ms. Teach. Hey, girl.

Love Africa. Thank you so much for the heart me, Vanessa. Thank you so much for the rose.

Sir Cat said just was listening to an episode of your podcast and here you are. Girl, you can't get rid of me. So the name of my podcast is called the get your guy coaching podcast. It's on Apple, it's on Stitcher, Spotify. There's a link in my bio for it. The last episode was with friendship coach and expert down Danielle Byer Jackson. We talk about how to navigate friendships in our big age. No shade. Yeah, because it's getting harder and harder, especially with technology and working from home and things like that. It's hard. So definitely check that out if you're interested in that and how to navigate friendships while you're dating. That's really interesting as well. Ashante said how to gain confidence, especially with meeting men outside.

Perfect song. Listen to Kelis. Girl, you've got to figure out what your milkshake is, girl. And no shade. Some of us have sour cream.

What does this mean? This means that You've got to figure out what your groove is. Think about the times where you feel like you're on and who's around you and in what environment. So, like, for me, my best friend, who I've known since boarding school, high school, when I'm with her, I'm at my best, my peak self. So some of the things that you might want to do before you go out, call your best friend or that person on the phone to get you already in that mood. Right. The other things that you can do is like pretend that person is there with you. Go to environments where you are already feeling on. I was talking to a client, she was saying, I really like galas, girl. We need to be going to galas every month then, right? Where are those places? And go to those places. The other thing is you gonna have to just be in your main character energy, which means that it's gotta be about you. Yeah. Like you gotta be in the movie, girl. Your life is a movie and you gotta be the star. No more funny best friend. No more black girl sidekick girl. Wise counsel. No, you've got to actually be the protagonist, which means everything has to be about you. You talk to everyone. You listen. You are listening. Everyone is important when they interact with you because you're important. Yeah, many of us. And it feels really weird because a lot of times this world isn't necessarily quote unquote, meant for us or feels comfortable for us. You're gonna have to like.

Like sometimes it feels like white spaces, girl. If it's all white, girl, pretend you're in heaven, girl. And you're a goddess.

You know what I mean? Okay.

Mryx said, I slept with him and his communication is significantly dropped. Yeah, when you sleep with guys, his vasopressin will drop and he will feel less bonded to you. That's why guys often will ghost after hooking up. Yeah.

Mink. Mink said my bubble matches never respond. What's going on? Well, it used to be the response rate used to be like a third. Now it. The apps are not apping. So that's why my whole program has had to shift. And now, girl, we're outside and y' all need to be as well. Thank you all so much for the almost 11, 000 likes. If there's anything that I'm saying that's resonating with you or knowledge that you didn't know beforehand, definitely tap, double tap, triple tap the screen so we can run those likes up. Honey. Good morning, Sharon.

Sharon said, love the haircut. Thank you, girl. Appreciate it. How to Tess said, How to not get attached too quickly. Like, everyone has different attachment styles, Right? One of the things that I tell my for the girls who get attached really quickly, it's probably because you have more of an anxious attachment style. And for the girls that are more anxious, you can't be texting him. You can't be texting him all day, every day. Right. What does that mean you like? The texting has to be like, for logistics for a date. What happens is you get attached. Like every time you get a text, your attachment increases 1%. Yeah. And before you know it, literally within four days, you want to marry a guy. So you're going to have to lay off of the text with guys. Okay.

Lee says, what do you think about professional Arab men? I mean, habibi, we love them. Why not?

Melanie said, should I. Should I continue to talk to a guy if he doesn't compliment me? I think that you should continue to engage with him. And then after day three, if he still is not complimenting you, you need to let him know that that's what you like and that's what you need, but you want to just be in observation mode.

Circuit said, I want to put you in my pocket, not Polly pocket. Is your man okay with this? Definitely not Squirrel.

It's dummy Said you said no grand rising. What about Top of the Morning? Only if he's Irish, girl. Only if he's Irish. Only if he's Irish.

C' est la vis. Said, your opinion on Dutch men from the Netherlands. Girl, girl, they will marry you. I always say girl. If you go to Rotterdam, girl, you'd be married in three months. No shade, girl, they love us there. The gag is I haven't. I didn't really see that a lot in Amsterdam proper, but the Netherlands, there's a lot of interracial dating. Yeah.

Denise said the name Anwar sounds so fancy. I was named after Amor Sadat, which is a former president of Egypt, I believe, who is trying to create peace in the Middle East.

So. Yeah.

So I guess I'm trying to create peace in these dating streets. Honey.

Yeah. You could never said, how do you go from just enough woman to dream woman? Is that possible with the same guy? No. And I think I should probably clarify that video. This isn't about you trying to perform for a guy. This is about understanding what category the guy is putting you in and then making a decision accordingly. Our job is not to perform and try to make a guy like us. Our job is to understand is this guy living for me or not. And if he's not, I got to drop him immediately. That's what great dating is about. It's about dropping guys as quickly as possible so that you can find your guy.

Franchesca, thank you so much for the Rosa. And just FYI, check out the link in my bio if you're interested in working with me or my free trainings or my podcast or any of that. Or also, I think my testimonials are in there. Some of them. Peanut said, Amor took your advice on my second date with an Italian from Bumble. He's already planned a third.

Excellent day.

Said Amen. He needs to be scared to Mess it up 100%.

Let's see.

K.K. edwards said, how to know if a man likes you? He'll ask you out, he'll talk to you. You won't be able to get rid of him. That's the gag. Yeah, to you.

Hold on.

Lou Williams said, I need you as a coach. Girl, book that call. Girl, book that call.

That call.

Okay, let me see what's going on.

I need.

Melody Said, Love Europe by thank you, girl. Went to karaoke once but had no luck. All right, girl, keep on going, girl, so you can be found.

Let me see what's going on. KJ said, you're amazing. Thank you girl. And thank you all for the 24,000 likes. I appreciate it. Coach Keane said, great. Dating is about dropping guys immediately so you can find the right one. 100%.

Shade.

I thought I found a man of my dreams and he is not it. I'm having a hard time letting it go. You're having a hard time letting it go because you think that this is the best that you'll be able to do, and it's not.

Please understand that. That, like, ultimately, that's the thing. If a guy is not like, you will not have a doubt for your guy. You're letting it. You're having a hard time letting it go because you have what I call love scarcity mindset where it's like, I'd rather have this something even just not fully serving me, than nothing at all. Because that is the best that I think that I can do. Not the case. Not the case at all.

I am.

I am chatting with my VIP clients. My VIP clients get direct access to me. Anytime they have a question, a concern, I am.

Here to support them. Yeah, Shea said. Do you do small support groups, too? Would love to join one. My group calls. I have two weekly group coaching calls on Tuesdays and Thursday nights, and they're generally bigger, but we do go out into breakout rooms for the Tuesday sessions.

That are like, you know, three to five people.

Me folk life said opinion on indigenous men. I think that there's been a lot of trauma in that community. I know that there's quite a bit of alcoholism. So it's difficult, right? Not impossible. But, you know, you want to make sure that those guys, the indigenous men are.

Have done some of the work, some of that healing which is so necessary.

Yeah.

Okay, let me see. Monet said, any ideas for the first matches messages to send on bubble Girl, you don't want to individualize this. You want it to just be like this is a factory. Same message. Copy and paste it and see how they drive the conversation. Right. I don't want you spending much more time.

Like.

Like trying to come up with some witty something because guess what, the response rate has gone from like a third to like 10. So like nine out of 10 of those guys aren't even going to respond to you.

Brittany, thank you so much for the lock and key.

Julia said, guys giving straight women date advice is so appreciated. Yeah, well, I get a lot of because I'm apparently by men too gay to give advice. But I always say it's like a strength of mine because I've dated men, I am a man and I know exactly kind of how they think, how they operate. And I also have, I think, perspective in understanding how to.

You know, the feminine perspective as well, not just the masculine one. So, you know, but.

A lot of guys have problems with that because, like, they can't peg me just fine. My gosh. Hold on one second.

Pat your weave, ladies.

Okay.

Caramelize. Honey said, any thoughts on a dating app like Gentry? Well.

Black Gentry tried to come for me.

Oh my God. I just got something.

Hollywood unlock wants to put my video on their thing. Okay.

It's funny. You could never love that name. By the way. Thank you so much for the heart me.

User447 not sure if I needed therapist or a dating coach. Maybe both girl. Maybe both. I would say like a third of my clients are work with therapists as they're working with me as well. You can never. Thank you so much for the team bracelet.

Terrace. That love is complicated. It totally is. Right? That's why I like it's even if I get my clients into great relationships, it's never promised. It's kind of always 50 50, unfortunately. Yeah. So.

That'S just what it is.

My job is to help my clients become the version of themselves that is Ready for the best relationship of their lives.

N', Challa, thank you so much for the Eight Roses girl.

Lrmh said, when should you tell a man that you're dating with intention? Don't tell a man that you're dating with intention. Men know that women are dating with intention if they're dating when you tell them that you're dating with intention. I know this sounds really kind of harsh, but I want to keep it real with you all. It gives a desperation vibe. I'm so thirsty for marriage. I really, really want marriage. Please pick me. Yeah, don't say I'm dating with intention. Just let them know I'm, you know, I'm having fun right now. I'm looking to make connections and that's it. And just see how they perform.

Yeah. Alice said, thank you for being our fairy godbrother. I try my best, girl. Jasmine said, you're preaching. Thank you. I try.

Miss Sassy said, second link with a guy, he offers to eat, then for me to pay. Just met. Should I still be talking to him? I don't suggest talking to Anyone that goes 50, 50 or suggests that you pay for anything he doesn't want to provide for you, he's out.

Please understand that, like these guys that are showing up at the very beginning, it is the best of how, like, how they're gonna show up. It is the best of how they're gonna show up. And if that is not serving you, you've gotta like usain both the other way, girl.

Sha' Carri Richardson. The.

The guy I have a crush on follows you. Lol. Green flag. Well, it can be a grain green flag, girl, but it could also be a rainbow flag. No shade, girl. No shade. So gotta check that out, girl. Gotta check that out.

MJ said, our power rests in our mindset. I'm working on rewiring my thoughts as well. I love that. Brittany, thank you so much for the Rosa girl.

Nima said, I literally have to start all over again. So glad I found you, girl. And here's the thing. Many of us are, like, kind of winging it when it comes to dating because no one really teaches us how to date. And so I try to share with you what I've known. And I've been doing this for 14 years now, and sometimes it feels like I kind of have to do everything differently. And that's okay. Yeah. Please understand that Artistry says, how do you become vip? You probably need to go to the link in my bio book, a consultation call, and if you're interested in the VIP program. Select that in the application and then we'll have a conversation and see if it's a good fit or not.

Zabia, thank you so much for the rose girl to I offer couples counseling. SC says no, I don't. I just work with women. I just love women, especially women of color.

Black Magic said green flags be rainbow flag sometimes. I know that's right, girl.

Mikhail. Mikhail said, you need your own talk show girl. This is my talk show girl, where I'm talking my. Yeah.

Thank you though. I appreciate that. Nellis@ OMG I love you literally changed my dating life. Yeah. That means the world to me because that's really why I do this.

Yeah. Yeah. I think that women, specifically women of color, specifically black women, deserve all of the, like, love in this world. And so, yes, I have a business, but, like, I don't need to be on live for my business to thrive. But I think that this is an opportunity for those women that and also my podcast for those women that maybe cannot afford my highly priced programs to still get the like, the instruction, the tips, the tricks so that you can level up. So I'm glad that this is hopefully like changing it in the better for the better.

Sandra said, where do you find country, where to find countrymen who are providers and protectors? Girl, anyone that is a.

Like a farmer, a con, like a like blue collar guys.

Many of them are good stock. You want a man that knows how to work because if he can work outside of the home, he's going to work inside of their home and he's going to work inside of the bedroom. You know what I mean? No. You want a worker. You want a knight.

Green teeth. Goody said, right you are. You're our cheat code. And they are gagging, girl. They do, girl.

Y' all need to pray. Pray for me and pray over me, girl, because I feel like lots of negative energy and demons surrounding me. So please, if you pray, pray for me, honey.

Oh, Stephanie. What's your amor? What's your T on Karamo? No tea, girl. No tea. No tea.

No tea.

What.

Diamond said, Jim said. Not a question, but I love your videos. Thank you. Appreciate that. Peanut. Thank you so much for the Two Roses and the five Roses. Clementine said, I attract broken men. How can us healing women move away from that? Like attracts light, no shade. So you attract not. You're not even attracting broken men. You're choosing them, and you're choosing them based on your bonding patterns, which means that probably your parental units were broken in some way. And you're leaning into that familiarity. And then you're also broken and you believe that you're not worthy of someone that is healthy. So you'll take some level 4, level 5 out of 10 guy, because that might. You may believe that that's what you're worthy of. Yeah. So please understand we're gonna have to heal that inner child. We're gonna have to start setting a ton of boundaries. You probably letting these broken men get away with Murder She Wrote.

Yeah.

Blush said the guy I'm dating said, no pressure after I told him I liked him.

I don't like that response.

AK said, I feel so safe in a relationship. It scares me so much. Why? What does feeling safe. What part of that scares you? Is it because in the past you haven't actually been safe? So it just feels different and awkward because that is, that. That happens so much for many of my clients that get into relationships and they're like just. They're waiting for the other shoe to drop and they're just like, I don't feel comfortable being safe.

That is why it is important. Important. Like for my clients that get into relationships, I always support them for an additional month, even if they're at the end of their reign or into their program. Because that first month, there's a ton of self sabotage happening. Yeah.

Black magic said, not the boys in here looking for an wars girls. Well, y' all are killing the game, so they. They gotta go where the amazing fish are, girl. They're not, girl. This is not the bottom of the sea, honey. This is no catfish, no tilapia, Honey. This is some salmon up in here. Yeah. This is the place to go if they want some quality women here.

Coloration said New Orleans men give the scoop. I actually was just talking to one of my clients in New Orleans, honey, and she going. She going on a date after church, honey. Yeah.

Again, a worker man.

New Orleans got those. Those worker bees. Yeah. Worker be that make a little bit more than minimum wage. No Shade. Yeah.

The sophisticated Chaton said, I found this guy who I thought was amazing. He ghosted me. Here's the gag. It doesn't matter if you like a guy. It doesn't matter if you think he's amazing. He's got to think that you're amazing. That's why I always tell my girls, like, I don't care if you like him. I don't care if you like him. Like, I care if he can do the job as a great partner and boyfriend for you. That's what matters. So Please understand, we have to take our kind of some, like, at the beginning or. Here's what I will say. I teach my clients to be in evaluation mode first. And once the guy actually shows that he has the skills, then we can start to figure out if we're a match or not, if I like him or not. But we gotta, like, put that on the shelf for a little bit. Most women will figure out, do I like him or not first, and then figure out if he has the boyfriend skills. And that's why within two to three months, y' all are gagged. Who's this? Right? No, no, you gotta flip it. Flip it on its head.

Coloration. Thank you so much for the rose. Lori said, the only men I listen to on this app. I know. That's right, girl. But, girl, here's the gag. If I say something that doesn't align with you, honor that your intuition will tell you everything that you need to know.

You know what I'm saying? Like, I always say that, like, your intuition, AKA you, your soul. That's the best coach. And, like, my job is to help my clients, like, start to listen to that. And the only way that you can listen to that is by being in touch with your feelings. Most of us are here, and I want you down here so that you can get to your intuition, which I call your hut, your heart and your gut.

Yeah.

Sometimes you just gotta roll it down to the intuition.

Swan said, I love listening to your advice. Thank you.

Miss Mellie. Said, love your energy. Thank you, girl.

Afros and smoothies. Love the name. Said, hey, see each other once a week by month. Two is okay. Yeah. That's kind of how the pace should be. Like, once a week, one to two times a week. Elena said, how to know as a black woman when white guys generally want a relationship versus just fun.

White guys that are interested in you, like, won't be sexual at all for a while. They'll be a much slower. They're just fun guys. They'll let you know off the gate. I want a role play.

Alabama, 1878. Yeah, they will let you know off the gate or they'll stop talking about your skin and your features. Those are the fetishized just fun guys, the relationship guys. It's like, y' all are just friends, you know, that really good coworker that you like, you know, are friends with, talk, you know, have conversations with every day. That's the energy that the white guy is going to give you.

Janessa said, how do you make him regret ghosting you? You Playing the wrong game. Girl, that's not your responsibility. You focused on him. You got to be focused on yourself and figuring out what your trigger is and why this is affecting you so much. When people ghost us, it makes us feel like we're not worthy. So your job is to figure out when in life and in what relationships did you not feel worthy? And oftentimes it's parental. That's the shit you need to heal. You're focused on this guy, and it's not about the guy. Energy being wasted on some guy that doesn't matter. He's a non motherfucking factor. Yeah, y' all so busy playing revenge, you're not playing healing.

Don't do that.

Kelis always gets me in a mood. Girl, are y' all playing bossy in your dating lives? If not, then you plant. Girl, you're not the boss. Girl, you the intern. That's the gag. Sia said, types of guys that like trans women.

Here's what I want you to know. And you already know this. If you're on the apps.

You can't categorize these guys because they're all over the place. It's kind of like just like DL guys, right? Like, you can't. Like, it's a bit harder to clock them because they're not like a certain category. Like, girl, you got. You got white guys, you got black guys, you got Arab guys. Girl, you got teachers, you got pastors, you got politicians.

Yeah.

Nadia, thank you so much for the hand hearts.

Smiley face. Said, Olympic dating. How do I tell a guy that I'm doing that? You don't, unless he asks. If he asks you, you let him know, yeah, I'm dating and I'm, you know, I'm single until I'm in an exclusive relations.

Yafe said, how to let go of a toxic boyfriend who you know is not for you, but you're stuck. What are you stuck? What? What's the stuck? It's the love scarcity mindset. Because I want to let you know.

Being in a half assed relationship is worse than being in no relationship.

Ching said, dang. Men where I'm at, are on their feminine energy. So frustrating. A lot of men are, but it's based. It's based on society and how they've been raised.

Taylor said, the guy I'm seeing has pictures of himself all over his room. Red flag. I don't really. I don't speak in red flags, but here's what I want to offer to you. When you saw that, how did it make you feel. And if it didn't make you feel good, then that's what you need to honor. Right.

I think it's telling that it pictures of himself and not pictures of his family.

Right, right. The guys that, you know, men that are very into themselves and like to see themselves, men that like to change their name from Kanye to Yay or P. Diddy to Diddy or Puff or what have you, they're so into themselves that they can't be into you.

Yeah, it's impossible.

That is literally kind of narcissism that, like, they're taking up all of this space in their relationships, both masculine and feminine energy.

Mario, opinions on coffee shop first dates. I love coffee dates. I love drink dates. Those are like my go to's. Amber said, write a book. I'm writing it, girl. I'm writing it. Diane said, get it, Anwar. Yeah, girl. I used to be that girl that was in the middle of the dance floor trying to get everybody's attention because I was thirsty for it. But, you know, I'm a suburban mother of three now, so I can't really be doing that as much.

QTC said, hey, I'm our first time joining a live. Welcome, girl.

Tara said, your videos are awesome. Thank you. Daniela. Thank you so much for the rose. Leah said, your smile is absolutely exquisite. Thank you. An amazing doctor in Colombia put these chompers in here.

Katniss said, hi, Anwar. How do I find me a white man in Atlanta? Well, girl, with a name like Katniss, girl, you know, it's the Hunger Games.

Girl, you're gonna have to go to the other side of the tracks. Right?

I think, you know, it's really interesting. Atlanta is so, so such a unique city that, like, it's integrated, but it's also quite segregated. You're just gonna have to go to the white parts of Atlanta, girl, and talk to those white people. Those white men, honey.

You'D be surprised. They'll talk back.

T. Henderson said, your advice, authentic, not generic, and allow the person to be themselves. I try my best, girl.

Jen said, okay, now, I was about to say, is the R B in the room with us? Lol. We getting it. We're getting to it now, girl. You know, there's a wide definition of spectrum of what R B is, girl. Coach King said, yes, and we're loving the vibrations on this Sunday. Thoughts on coffee dates. First, I think it's a. It's a. It's a. It's necessary, girl. You don't want to go on this, like, dinner date. For my girls who don't feel comfortable setting boundaries with men, you're gonna feel stuck, especially in a date that you don't feel comfortable with. Number two, like this, that first date is like a screener. It's like, do I like you? Do we have a good conversation? Do I want to get to know more about you? Did I have fun? Did I laugh? An hour, hour and a half at most. And when you are have those no frills date, you're going to be able to evaluate him much better than say if he took you to Nobu, that you would actually like, like inflate the grade or the evaluation based on the ambiance and the date and not the data. Okay, so that's why I say.

That'S, that's the first, that's the first step. Yeah.

Just FYI, if you are interested in working with me, definitely book a consultation call or listen to my podcast. I think it's pretty good.

D Said, turn it up. When bossy came on. I know that's right, girl.

Sila Said is getting physical after fourth date boyfriend material. I think that most men are looking for sex and find love along the way. And most women are looking for love and have sex along the way. I always tell my clients that, well one, you're grown ass so you get to do whatever the hell you want with your body. But I recommend as a dating coach to wait until you're in an exclusive relationship. You have to have that level of investment before you gonna.

To. D West Said, what do you think of Hungarian men? Well, girls in the name they hungry. They want to eat. Let them eat, girl. Let me.

Eastern European men, girl. They die for the black girls, girl. Croatia, Serbia, girl. Montenegro.

Girl. I can't write it, girl. It writes itself.

The big Q. So what about a spicy white? I think you're talking about white chocolate. That's a no. That'll give you love. Diabetes. Ginger is a yes. Girl. The gingers are the blacks of the whites, girl. So like, girl, they're it. If you see a guy with a red head, run to him, girl. Pounce on him. You hear me?

Let me see what y' all talk about.

Dorian Said, what's wrong with white chocolate? Ladies, tell them. Tell, tell Ms. Dorian. Girl, if you had experience with white chocolate, honey, how has that experience been? Let me know, let me know. Hey, Chris. Girl. She said, I missed it over here. I know where you been, girl? Where you been? Jennifer's that you look so happy. I am. Girl. Girl, life is too short. Maybe it's too short, honey.

No ordinary love said Columbia, Maryland or South Carolina girl. Columbia with an O. The country.

Swan said, you're our new best friend. New.

Been here.

Joel said, men that are too close to their moms. Here's the thing. And you have to clock that mother relationship because a lot of mothers, especially, especially black mothers, you have to understand that like two thirds of households in the 90s.

Single black mother households, so that relationship is often complicated and unique. Yeah.

They might be enmeshed. She might have spoiled him. She might have like, entitled him. So if he's, if she's still doing things for him.

She, he's looking for a replacement of that. He doesn't want to serve you. He wants to be served like his mother was serving him. If his mother was overly aggressive, masculine energy, overly critical and judgmental, he will project that onto you.

Yeah. Or he won't commit.

Because he feels like he, he wants to feel in control and he doesn't feel in control in relationships with women based on his relationship with his mom.

Yes. Kai said, you got a volunteer as tribute. Yes, honey. Let, let these, let these men know, honey. Ms. Katniss.

Tatiana said, country music shows. Yeah, girl. Go to bass pro shop, girl. Go to country music shows.

Girl. Go to any Trump rallies, girl.

Oh Lord.

Hannah said, amore, your advice is so sound. My day in life is fire right now. Thank you. You're so welcome, girl. I appreciate hearing that. That, that means a lot to me.

Risa said, what if you don't like coffee, girl, get tea. If you don't like tea, girl, get a smoothie. Yeah.

The Ebony J said, that's on men who believe they do not deserve love. If they don't believe that they deserve love, they won't allow you to love them. And you're going to have to. Sha' Carri Richardson the other way.

Pump it. That's what I tell my kids when we're ready to go. Pump it, punch it, kick it, let's go.

The other thing that you to like, if you go to some conferences, you might find some white guys there.

I said, where's your podcast? It's on Apple. It's called the getyourguy Coaching Podcast. Cosette said, when do you bring up tough conversations like politics? Please understand that conver it's not a tough conversation. It doesn't need to be. And you're going to need to talk about politics asap. I was just reading some research and they were saying that.

More and more black men are becoming like, well, more men are becoming more conservative and more black men are becoming more conservative. I think they got Republicans got 12% of the vote last time. They're trying to get 25% of the black men vote. That's why Trump came up with these shoes, girl, to try to get those votes. And I think he's probably going to bring Tim Scott on as vp girl to try to get the black man vote to put him over to win. You need to be bringing up politics on the app on the first date.

You've got to know, don't play games, don't be cute. You've got to know do your values align or do they not? Because this is what is making dating much, much harder and it's just going to get harder and harder, harder. And that's not me trying to fear Monger. That's and you all have seen it like you dating in 2021 or 2018 was much easier than dating now.

Art Living said Podcast Shut up. Yeah girl, I had a podcast for a few years now I think I have like 105 episodes or something.

December May said, what are your prices look like? So either in the low to mid four figures, but check if you go through the application form when you book a call. You'll see all the prices and what it entails.

Michelle said, when should you introduce your kid? That's going to be a personal decision and preference, but definitely I would say after you're in an exclusive relationship.

Nicole Said, five months dating and he still hasn't made it official.

Yeah, he doesn't want it. A guy knows within two to three months. So you either you need to bring it up now or forever hold your peace. Yeah.

Sharon said, sir, am I love Love the podcast. Thank you.

Double Zero Said, what if it's love at first sight? Well, my question for you is.

When you really think about love at first sight, it's mostly physical. But what you're not evaluating is the intellectual and the emotional component.

Yeah, girl, there are a lot of fine guys that I would say love at first sight girl. Every time I've seen a stripper girl it's been love at first sight. But it doesn't mean that that's the person that's going to or should be your husband.

Takes a whole skill set. I just don't believe in it. You get to But I'm also like I love love, but I'm also not a romantic. Meaning like I think Disney and movies and romcoms really condition and program women to believe that it's supposed to be look like this, and it doesn't 95% of the time.

So I'm saying that so that we can have a realistic view of what courtship and what relationships and dating looks like. Especially nowadays.

Does anyone know about this Destiny's Child get on the Bus from the why Do Fools Fall in Love soundtrack? Or am I showing my age.

And. And my mess?

Okay, then. Y' all my girls. You should think twice about the way you've been talking to me.

Okay.

All right. I don't feel like I'm a freakazoid.

Okay, let me. Let me scroll up. While I'm scrolling up, check out the link in my bio if you are interested in working with me. Coach Keane said Anwar really got single men in the comments. Aha. They're catching on. They better. They better. Divina said, any tips for dating an attorney? Don't argue with them. That's. Many of them want that. They love the debate. They get off on that. Don't do that.

Okay.

What if he doesn't have a close connection to his mom? Is that a red flag? Camila asked. Not necessarily. Because some moms are horrible and it's probably smart that he's cutting cut things off.

Grizzly Beast said, he treats me well, makes great money, but he has bad hygiene practices. Thoughts. You get to let him know I really want to be connected with you, but every time I go in to kiss you, like, your breath has a specific odor and it doesn't. Like, it doesn't make me really want to kiss you, even though I want to, and just leave it at that. Don't tell a man what to do. Just let him know how it makes you feel and how it's affecting you and let him be inspired to make those changes. Yeah.

Just exhale. Thank you so much for the heart. Me.

Is Genie Peck. You have kids? Yes, I have three kids. Honey. I said, I'm a suburban mother of three. We going to a birthday party this afternoon. Busy. Honey, these kids have a better social life than I do. What's that gag?

No, baby, that's how it seems.

Shantae said, I listen to the pot on my commute. Thank you for supporting it. I appreciate that so much.

Someone said, do you field all questions or do you have to subscribe? There's no subscription here. But here's the thing. If I've already answered the question on this life, I'm not going to answer it again.

I do see all the questions. Alex said, do you think a man can ever really change? Yes, but it's going to take A while. A lot of girls think, oh my God, he's come back in a month or two, he's changed. No minimum. It takes six months minimum. And that's him, like, doing significant work.

Cosette said, I've been told I come off as aggressive.

Girl. When people give you feedback and it's coming from multiple sources, believe them many times, depending on how we grew up, we might come off that way because it's a protection mechanism. Many of us come off that way because we don't have the healthy boundaries. So we come off that way to protect us from people that we consider not safe.

Sarah said, anwar, you are so right. I'm plus size and snag me a Jimbro. Yes, girl. That's what I'm saying, girl. When I tell the girls that are courier plus size go to the gym, I'm not saying to lose weight. I don't want you to lose anyway, girl. I want you to snag you a gym bro, because they checking for you.

Naysis, how do Mexican American guys feel about black girls? They love them, but they prefer the curvier black girls.

Yeah, that's been my experience. If you look like a stick girl, don't try to get with a Mexican American girl. No shade.

Deb and EJ said, love the podcast. The last one has changed my mindset on hanging out with my married friends. Interesting. Please tell me more.

Mommy. Kana said, can you put the podcast on Spotify? It should be spot on. Spotify already. It's called the get your guy coaching podcast.

Davina Said, why am I being flagged? I don't know, girl. I didn't do it.

Sarah Parsley said, I wish I could do my you could do my hinge profile. I have a hard time choosing pictures. Okay, so here's the thing. Pictures. I need to see your eyes in every every picture. No sunglasses. Eyes are windows of the soul. Smile with your teeth. Don't smirk, don't duck. Lips right.

Warm always trumps sexy. You want. You want to get sexy, you're going to bring the wolves. Yeah. Make sure that you get to have whatever picture you want. What I have seen in the work that I have done is you want to make sure you're not showing a lot of skin. You show skin, the wools will come out. I want to chomp on is you want to make sure you're not showing a lot of skin. You show skin, the wools will come out. I want to chomp.

That was my mom, girl.

That was my mom calling. Let me Tell her I'll call her back.

If you have a mother who calls you back to back.

Oops. Why do I have this verification thing? Weird.

Call you back to back. Girl.

If you can't take it, girl, don't drop everything that you're doing.

When our parents do that, they teach us that we have to drop everything that we're doing for other people and we cannot prioritize ourselves. Yeah. So I know that that feels very weird to say, but.

Let it sink in for a little.

I'm so glad you guys know that. That Disney's child song, because I literally thought I was like the only person in the world that knew it. And I just feel like, so.

At home.

Meridian said, how can I stop people pleasing Boundaries. Boundaries.

Someone said a specific odor is wild. Girl, you never want to. You never want to label something. You never want to judge. You know you have to come if you're in your feminine energy. This is about accepting. Right? This is about accepting. Never judge, never label. Right. Never say you. You stink. Right?

Yeah. Just let them know that different cultures have different hygiene practices. Yeah. Europeans. Sometimes they shower every other day.

Yeah. Sometimes when you're dealing with Indian men because of the food, certain odors will seep out of their pores. Right. Doesn't mean they're bad people, per se. So again, I'm accepting.

Courtney said, do you watch Love is Blind? I have watched it. I'm not all the way caught up, but you know how, how Tik Tok shares with you exactly what you need to know. So I know a little bit of the gag. And thank you all so much for the almost 60,000 likes. I so appreciate you. Maxine said you have a podcast. What's it called? It's called the get your guy coaching podcast. Rachel said he wants to date exclusively but scared of relationship as he's come out of a long term relationship. Don't, don't. When you talk about getting together, talk about commitment. Exclusivity is like.

You know, like the grocery store brand name. Like, no, girl, I want Philly cream cheese, Philadelphia cream Cheese. I don't want the store brand. Exclusivity is a store brand because it just means we're dating. But it doesn't mean that you have. That he has emotional responsibility for you. It just means that we're just dating each other casually.

Xoxo. I'm going on a date with a therapist. What questions should I ask?

I don't want you to think about questions to ask. This isn't an interview. You know how like, at the end of a job interview, you, like, they. They'll ask you, do you have any questions? And then you come up with two bullshit questions. No, girl, I want you to think about the things that you've talked about with your friends and family this week and talk about those subjects.

You want to. You want to see if he can vibe in the same way that you vibe with your people.

Okay.

J. King said, are you South African? I mean, aren't we all African?

If he says, oh, I feel like dating has become a game, and I just want to be myself, it causes me to overthink. I don't think that. Well, I think that a lot of people are overwhelmed right now because Tick tock will throw, if you like, one dating thing, then they'll throw Twitter, 20 different dating people at you. That will give you all of this evidence, which is overwhelming and exhausting. Right. Couple of things. One, I think you should follow two to three people at most. And, like, if you see other people, scroll really quickly past them, because actually, like, the Internet is overwhelming you. Right? And then in terms of a game, I think it's important for you to understand, like, where the pitfalls are to avoid them. But, like, ultimately, you should be the full version of yourself. That's the best dating strategy. You want to be polarizing. You want to be like the Donald Trump or the cardi b of your dating life. You want to know if people love you or hate you. You don't want gray area. You don't want in the middle. It'll help your dating life tremendously. And when you just are yourself, you will get that Polariz.

Here. I said, what about Asian men and black women? Asian men will never approach you. You will have to approach them. So if you want an Asian man, you're gonna have to. You're gonna have to. You're gonna have to pick them up. The reason why you don't hear me talk a lot about Asian men is because many of the families won't accept black women. Unfortunately, some people want to shoot me the messenger when I'm trying to spread tea, but, you know, 80, 90% of the time, it's gonna be a hard road.

Yeah, Lib love said. Name of the podcast again. Get your guy coaching.

Was this song a game changer by.

This song was the game changer. But every time she said American boy, in my head, I was thinking European boy.

Get into it, girl. Get into it.

Bria, thank you so much for the rose girl.

And then friendship necklace. Colleen, thank you so much for the rose Breezy. Thank you so much for the rose.

Coach Keane said, if I'm writing, getting to know people and having fun, should I also write no hookups? No, girl, don't write no hookups and also don't say having fun. Having fun means sex to men.

Reed said, how can I get a guy out of my league? No, you want a guy that's in your league.

I love that. Ebony J.

Simaran said, your five categories made so much sense. Thank you.

Someone said, pin my podcast. How do I pin girl?

That's the gag. I'm actually a really great dating coach. Horrible with technology, Horrible trash.

Cutie Pie said, and why I don't want to use dating apps. Do a high percentage of your clients meet in person? So it used to be like a two thirds of my clients were meeting on apps and a third in person. But, like, we've shifted everything this year, so that percentage is probably going to be flat flipped or at least 50. 50.

Okay. I think I'm pinning this comment that has the name of my podcast. I think I got it.

Titty said, why guys are interested but still do nothing. Here's the thing. You think that them talking to you means that they're interested. Men will talk to women. Just because they're bored doesn't necessarily mean that they're interested or they're horny. Yeah. So I just want to offer that, like you're assuming just because he's talking to you or engaging with you that he's interested. And it easily can mean that he's not.

Chris said, it's information overload. I totally get it.

Sabrina said, I follow you and Sprinkle Sprinkle Lady. Y' all got my trust. Well, thank you. I appreciate that. Be my American.

All right, y', all, I think I'm going to go. I hope that this was helpful for you. I'm actually late to a consultation. This is what happens when you go viral. You have a lot of women wanting to work with you, which is amazing.

If you are interested in wanting to work with me, definitely book a consultation. The link is in my bio and we'll go from there. Alrighty. Awesome, awesome, awesome. Be well and I'll see you on Tuesday night. All right, bye. Bye. Get yourself an American boy or a Euro boy.