Dating Q and A 07-09-24

Hello, hello, hello.

Hello, everyone. Welcome, welcome, welcome. Good to see you all. Welcome, welcome, welcome.

Did you miss me? Miss me? Miss me? Now you gotta kiss me.

Hello, hello, hello. Let me cross my legs, honey. Because I'm a lady. That's what ladies do. Yes. Hello, Amy. Just living. Hello, Sophia. Hello, Jen. Jen. Hello, princess. Hello, Demiya Scott. Hey, DeJesus. Donna said, I was wondering where you were. Girl, I was on vacation, girl. I needed to rest. Alyssa said, hello and why. I live for your life. Thank you.

Cluck said K. Lux said, hey, I've never caught you live, girl. Girl. Welcome to the party, honey. Welcome to the party. Yes. Honey, I was on vacation. I look refreshed. Well, I will tell you one thing, honey. When you're traveling with kids, there's no refreshment.

Honey. I'm toe up from the flow up.

How was vacay? My vacay was good, girl. But I will be honest with you. I did miss you all. Did you miss me?

I'm such a flirt, girl.

For those of you that don't know me, my name is Anwar. Why? They call me Coach Anwar. So what? Said don't ever go away for so long ever again, jk. But I did miss you.

I'm a dating coach. I've been a dating coach for 14, almost 15 years now. And I help black and brown women get into the best relationship of their lives and heal their hearts and deal with strategy. So if that is something that's of interest to you, that you definitely want to check the link in my bio, book a consultation call with me or check and start listening to my podcast called the get your guy coaching podcast. Yeah.

Yeah. Where was I, honey? I was girl. I took my family to Berlin, Germany, and then we went to Rome, Italy.

Yes. Good. So for those ladies that are new to my lives, here's what we do. We're gonna talk. I want you to ask your questions about love, dating, relationships, men and or women. Right. We're all inclusive here. And I will answer them in the order that I see them. Now, it's gonna take a little bit of time for me to get to them because I'll probably have, you know, a thousand, eleven hundred, twelve hundred people on Tick tock and a couple hundred on Instagram, but please be patient. It is a tenant. It's a very foundational part of feminine energy. So.

Patience is a virtue. Yeah. So put your questions in the chat and I will answer them. Okay. And we'll go from there. We'll be on for a little bit. I've Been trying to go to bed a little bit earlier because I'm waking up early because, girl, I want to get in shape, honey. I want to work out, wake up early to get this body in shape, girl.

Thank you for all the, the love, all of the.

You know, letting them. I'm just seeing all of this. Miss you, miss you, miss you. Thank you so much. Love you. Oh my gosh, Miss your face. Thank you. I appreciate that.

Okay, so girls, what's the tea? What's going on? Y' all got men? What's the tea? You dating? How can I help?

That's what I want to know.

Okay. Nina said what? I didn't know you had a podcast. Yeah, girl, it's called the getyourguy coaching podcast.

It is a top podcast around the world, tell you that much.

Mercer said, is it rude of me to ask for a full body photo before date since he only had headshots on his profile? No, but I think you can. I mean, I wouldn't do it, but I think you can ask about it. I guess the question that I would pose to you is if a guy asked you for full body pictures, how would you feel?

Yeah.

Someone said, can you meet men at a business networking event? 100%. But the tea about that is that all those people are going to be talking business. You got to give 50% business, 50% personal. That's how you stand out from the crowd and that's how you alleviate people's nervousness in those, like networking events because everybody's kind of a little bit nervous there. Lilo Shun said, how do we confidently date as dark skinned black women when everybody eyes mixed or light skinned women or I think you meant likes. First of all.

If I were a darker skinned woman, I would make sure that the people I was talking to.

I would be like 40% black guys, 40% white guys, 20% other. That would be my ratio. I think sometimes darker skinned women are like thinking like, these white guys are not checking for them, girl. Those white guys are checking for you more than they're checking for the light skinned girls. So you gotta know the lane. You gotta know.

Whose type you are.

Yeah. So I would, I would just be a bit open for that. That's all I'm, that's all I'm saying. I think a lot of darker skinned women don't do that. They think, oh my gosh, I'm going to find like a, you know, a dark skinned king and please go ahead and do that. But sometimes they can be the most colorist yeah. So something, something to think about. Okay.

Let me see.

You see the questions.

Selena said, how do I keep the conversation flowing? I feel like I'm so awkward and shy. One of the things that I would say, like when you're like having a conversation with someone first, it's not your job to keep the conversation going. It's actually his job. But what you want to do is make sure that when he is asking questions or he is kind of talking, that anytime you respond, you respond also with a question. Some sort of banter, Right. A lot of women, what's happening is that you're having conversations, but then you're just answering the question. But you're not what I call hot potatoing. Hey, do you come here often? Yeah, I do. Girl, you deaded the conversation.

He's got to pick it back up. And he shouldn't have to pick it back up. You got to volley it back to him, girl. So part, most of the time it's really about making sure that you're playing hot potato in these conversations and make sure that when you are asking questions, you're asking more like how and why questions. Right. So that they have to explain or tell a story when they're answering your questions.

So that's what I would say here. JoJo said, first date tips. I'm going to do a video on first dates and like how to make it, how to, like how to get the most out of your first dates on. But I will tell you this.

You want to have a phone date before your first date so that the first date doesn't feel like a full on first date so that the first date actually feels more like a second date. So like all of that nervous energy that you would normally have, you like not having as much. Okay, so that's number one. Number two, you want to like be on the phone with like a friend before the date, while you're getting ready, have some music so you can loosen up a little bit so that it's easier to be your full authentic self. Because like, if you're on the phone with your friend and then you hang up on her and then you go to the date, you're not going to fake the funk. You're going to kind of be in your mode and then he's going to be able to see the side that your friends and family see of you and that's what you want. So I'll give you that.

I'll provide the rest of my video.

Shant Mont said, how can you tell when a man is not love bombing you. Well, I always think that love bombing.

Pet names. It's like love bombing 101 when he over compliments you. And you know, you know how that goes. No shade but you. You know, there are a lot of African men that will over compliment you.

That's love bombing. And then the other thing that I see quite a bit is they'll talk about what they want to do six 12 months from now. Like, you'll be on a first date with them and then they'll say, oh, my God, on Christmas, I want to take you to Paris. This is the first date, dude. Or he's saying, I love you. Like, dude, you don't even know me. That's the love bomb. The other thing that I think is important, that isn't really talked about a lot, but I think we should be talking about is the fact that love bombers have extreme reactions to different things. So let's say you set a boundary.

With a guy and he apologizes more than one or two times. That's a love bomb too. He's apologizing five, six, six, eight, nine times. Girl, that's a love bomb. It's the over compliments, it's the over apologies, it's the over anything.

That's the love bomb. So I hope that helps.

So I'm not going to answer any questions about, like, being sugar babies or like using men for money. I think that's more Shira seven's Lane and some other, like, sugar babies here on, like, Tik Tok.

That's. I'm more focused on love relationships and less on transactional relationships. Okay.

Tiff said. Easiest way to get over someone you know is wrong for you. Well, I guess it really depends on how they're wrong for you, right? You might want to make a list, an accurate list of the good and the not so good things. But here's what I want to offer to you. The healthiest relationships have a five to one ratio, five positive things to one negative thing. So if you are making a list and you have highlighted eight positive things and eight negative things, it's basically the same as having.

40 negative things to eight positive things. You have to multiply the negative list times five. And that, I think will give you a stark difference about how wrong someone is for you.

User576. Do you feel recharged after the vacation? No, girl, I don't. I was exhausted because I was traveling with three kids.

So I had to literally take two or three days after the vacation to just like rest and sleep and I was in a little bit of a funky mood. No shade girl, but I'm back. I feel better. Yeah.

Latak Photography said, I love your page. Thank you so much. Girl. Vibing said, what do you say about men that are avoidant attachment? I don't say anything about them or to them them because ultimately.

Most of the guys that are single are going to be avoidant. The guys that are anxious are hung up on a girl so they're going to be chasing her and that's it.

The guys that are secure probably are going to be in relationship. So the majority of the single field are going to be avoided mend. That's why it's going to be important for you to be vulnerable.

To test and evaluate whether they have the emotional capacity to hold space for you and not run away.

Nemesis said, your video about late bloomers and Maslov's hierarchy answers a lot of questions. It validated a lot. Thank you. Very important information. You're so welcome.

Chrissy said, I just celebrated my 40th birthday. I'm in that happiest, healthiest relationship of my life thanks to you. No, girl, it's thanks to you. I'm so happy for you. Okay. Thank you so much for the rose.

Someone said, what do you think about the age difference? 29 female, 30 male girl. That's fine. I always say plus 10 years, minus 5 years. And most of my clients are getting with guys that are younger, like three to six years younger. So don't shade or ignore the guys that are younger. Give them a chance. Girl. Give him a chance. Acknowledge that. Anwar, you help me find my man. Can't thank you enough for the advice over this past year. You're so welcome. Work out. Tiffany said, where you been, sir? Girl I was on vacation. Girl. Vacation with my family.

Tabby Berry said, where can I find nice Christian men other than church? Volunteer girl. Volunteer Habitat for Humanity girl. Local soup kitchen.

That's where they are. That's what I would say. And when you are, if you're a Christian woman, one of the dates that you want to have when you're in the courtship. I was literally having a conversation with some producers that I was meeting with for this TV show that probably will be happening is.

You want to have a volunteer date. Why? Because you want to see. You want to see how he feels about the cause, how he treats these individuals and also how he works. Is he lazy? Does he do work for five minutes and then stop? Is he always taking breaks or is he going hard? Is he being helpful for Other people. You want to see all of that?

Chris Low said, I got my guy. Good girl. I'm happy for you. Tink said, African men and American black women. I want to be honest with you, and I got a lot of earlier this year because I did a whole video on Nigerian men. A lot of African men. African men. Specifically Nigerian men. They are going to marry Nigerian women.

Not all of them, but a good. A good number of them.

And they might already have families and wives in Nigeria.

So.

What do I say to it? I might give you one of these. Actually. I'm going to vogue it, because I'm feeling a bogey mood right now.

And, girl, I'm going to wish you the best of luck.

Yeah. Someone said there's a guy that watches my stories on IG consistently. Does that mean he's interested? No, girl, that means he's. Girl, it means he's giving you big brother tea. If he was interested, he would be taking you out on a date.

OJ OJEV way said, as a Nigerian, I agree. Mm.

Yeah, I know. People always ask me, how do you know so much about the Nigerians? Girl, 23andMe said, I'm 25% Nigerian, so I know a good 25% of it, honey. Tiffneca said, I'm Nigerian and agree, too.

Kate Cat said, girl, how am I gonna find a guy that likes big girls? Okay.

So there are a lot of, like, stack, stack, stack bodybuilders that are into big girls. They're into anything that's big. They're trying to get as big as possible. They want big, big, big, big, big. So check for those. Those bodybuilder guys, girl. Check for the black and Hispanic guys. Check for the gamers, the tall, lanky gamers, girl. Check for the older men. They're checking for the big girls. You called a big girl, so I'm gonna call it big girls. Check for the guys that are, like, half your size.

Yeah.

Those are the guys that are checking. Yeah. Someone mentioned the package grow the bodybuilders because they're on that roids, girl. It just shrinks up, girl. It shrinks up.

But, girl, the Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away, honey.

You know what I mean?

So, yeah, if that is something that's important to you, girl, go for those guys that are half your size, those short kings, girl, because they're packing.

But that's what I know about the men that are checking for the big girls.

Simone said, damn. You saying we got a compromise. I'm just sharing based on my experience, who's checking for the big girls?

Yeah. CDL said, love when we get the real tea tips. You're so good at what you do. Thank you so much, girl. I appreciate that.

April Said, where can we find the pot girl? On Apple, on Spotify, anywhere that you listen to podcasts, you'll, you know, you'll find my podcast, the get yout Guy Coaching podcast. Okay. Jordan Said, we. We are having our fourth date this weekend. Go, girl. I love fourth dates. Now, did you do what I. What I taught you to do, girl? Which is give that third date gift, that small, thoughtful gift.

If not, do it on that fourth date, girl. All right, Jordan, I'm giving you this tea because you've been with me for a while and I want to make sure that you are getting your life.

Ellen said had a date with a guy and went to his house and saw little roaches. I left so fast.

Girl.

Raid.

You can tell a lot about a man by the way that he keeps his house and his car.

So you want to check that.

Because if he can't keep his own house together, if he can't keep his car together.

Then if you're with him in the longer run, that's going to be your labor, not his. So he's going to be a child, a d.

So you want to check that. That's important. That is one of the major thing that's contributing to a lot of divorces. Women are fed up and overworked and overwhelmed, and they just say, I quit.

Ash Clark said, happy and annoyed. I found you just as I met my man. We together five months and I still listen to you like I'm single. Thank you. You're so welcome.

Views said I'm weak. Why are you weak, girl? Ash Clark said that third date gift thing is key. Girl, that is a sliver of the tea that I give my clients. Girl, please understand. They got a whole strategy. Every day I'm telling them exactly what they need to do, what kind of date it needs to be, and everything that aligns with the male psyche so that you can get your guy. So if you're interested in that, apply to book a call with me so you can get into one of my programs. Okay? Okay. Simone says, is being a bratty woman a bad thing in dating? Should you change or compromise? Well, being a brat is like being a little girl. Nobody wants little girls except for pervs. So what I want to offer to you is that.

Instead of thinking that you need to be a brat, I want you to think that you need to have very clear boundaries and you can't be afraid to express them.

Okay. Now, sometimes that can be considered bratty by some people, but so be it. I literally had an hour and a half session with my clients right now about all about boundaries and how to navigate them.

Okay.

Andrea said, will a professional man approach me at work? Probably not. But what you'll need to do is get off of campus with them, have lunch so you can talk about more personal things. So let to let him know that there's a green light and go from there. Now, I'm not someone who really is like a huge proponent of finding your person at work, but I wouldn't be doing my job as a dating coach if I didn't share this with you, because finding someone at work is still the third most popular way to find someone.

Ben Gal said. Tea on men who say they don't like women who complain too much and nag. Yeah, men don't like that because when you do that, what you're telling them, what you're letting them know is that they're inadequate and you're going to remind them of their mother. Especially if the guy is black and he's going to run, he's going to run the other way instead of nag and complain. Inspire. That's your job. And once you learn how to inspire, girl, there is nothing that is going to stop you. These men will do everything once you inspire them. Yeah. Makeup Serena said, we need a new episode, girl. It's coming tomorrow.

Serenity. So check that k. Cole said, 50 plus club. The struggle is real, 100%. And this is why.

I'm having a seminar for the ladies that are 50 plus in my program because it's a different experience. Someone's asking me, how do you inspire? I might do a video about this, but this is. It's the diff. It's about being in your feminine energy. You're going to have to share your fear feelings. This is something that I really kind of teach my clients on a circumstantial basis. But.

That's key, girl. It's key. Men want to make you feel good, so you have to share with him what's going to make you feel good. You got to pump him up. You know those like trainers on the in the corners for their boxers, like, champ, you can do this. You got this. Da, da da, da da. That's the inspiration girl.

Skin ritual said. What do you think about the black cat trend? I think it's real. And more and more women are becoming black cats. So the thing is you have in relationships, you have to find your complement. A lot of women are trying to find their clown and it doesn't work. You're trying to find the male version of you.

Bumping heads, girl, you gotta find that compliment. Okay, Jordan, thank you so much for the applause. CDLSA just went and followed your podcast. Thank you so much, girl. Appreciate it.

Ashanti said, are you a matchmaker because I need to hire you. I'm not a matchmaker. I am a dating coach. So I help ladies become their own best matchmaker. That's what I, I truly believe that you are your own best matchmaker. And to be honest with you, if you're a black woman, don't ever go, don't ever get a matchmaker. They don't know how to match you. They barely know how to match the white girls. So I think the average success rate is 5%. And just ask yourself this, do you know anyone that's gone to a matchmaker that has had success. Success and is now married to their person? I'm pretty sure the answer is no.

And that's on. Mary had a little lamb. Collected said, he is the best dating coach. Thank you, girl. I appreciate that.

Okay.

Let me see what y' all are talking about. I gotta hurry up, girl. I am, I am late on the late freight tonight, honey.

Iman said, Iman unique and I love you. Thank you, girl. Thank you also for so much love, honey. Amy just liven said, dating a light skinned mom is white. Do I run, girl? Aren't the Olympics coming? Girl? You better, better run in one of those races.

I wouldn't do it.

Dee Dee Malloy said, what keeps you most passionate about your work?

Just helping women step into their power that they are divinely given. I want to help women of color get the love that they deserve, especially black women. I think that.

Black women are divine and they deserve everything and more. So I am inspired by.

The beauty and the energy and the divinity of black women.

That's it.

So sometimes I might say things that are very abrupt. I just try to give you the tea because I'd rather you go into this dating thing with clear eyes.

Yeah, sometimes people are like, oh my God, he's a hater. He doesn't like women. And no, I just want you to know, like what it really looks like out there. You know.

That'S what it's about.

I try to, I really try to say a lot of things that people aren't talking about so that you, you are as prepared as possible. Because I know that in many of our households we're not necessarily taught how to date. So you have to try to like figure it out on your own. And it just doesn't work like that. Like, it's like being in a war without any sort of protection, any sort of weapons or anything like that. Okay.

Okay. I'm finding that more African men seem to be drawn to me than American. Why is that? Girl, I don't know.

I have to see what you look like.

You might be giving more African features.

So you might be passable. You might be acceptable to the family.

Also you might be a bit thicker. African men love thicker women, so they just might be genuinely attracted to you. But I don't have a picture and I don't know you, so I can't really answer it. For. For true. For true.

Shanta said, you still take calls? I want to book one. Yes. So my consultation calls are really for women that are ready to.

Start professional dating coaching and are trying to figure out if we're going to be a fit or not. It's never. Let me just kiki with Amwor. That's why I come on these lives. We can kiki here. So don't book a call if you just want to get free advice because that's. We can sniff that out and we'll cancel it.

So if you're ready, definitely book a call.

Ace said, I never skip Anwar's live. Thank you girl. Leah said, I've got your video saved for therapy. I know that's right.

Felicia said, do dark skinned men experience colorism from women? Do they get as many opportunities for girls? It goes in waves but they're not getting as much play as the lighter skinned guys and I think we all know this. So there is a duo out here called Shits and Giggles or gigs. There's a lighter skinned man and there's a darker skinned man. Many of you know you've seen them either on Instagram or TikTok. I will. I will bet my bottom dollar that 80% of you were feeling the lighter skinned man before the darker skinned man. And in my observation, Fu Hua, the darker skinned man is more marriage material than the lighter skinned man.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah. So.

Yeah, I think that they have a harder time as well. Unfortunately.

Harleen said, you never give advice for us South Asian girls. My advice is for everyone. Right. Because you know what's really interesting?

A lot of our experiences are actually lived. Experiences are very similar.

We all have overly critical and judgmental mothers and you know, emotionally or physically. Absent fathers clock that. T.

Brie said, how do you feel about long distance Caribbean relationships? I haven't seen a successful one from 90 Day Fiance, I'll tell you that much.

Manifest said, between you and Sherry. Getting myself all the way together. Good.

Someone asked advice for women of color in college. Trying to date. Definitely study abroad that junior year. You should be abroad, girl. Pick up a new language and be dating five guys at the same time. It's one of the reasons why I'm fluent in five or six languages. It looks good on the resume and it gives you the experience of dating without the potential judgment of living on campus. The other thing, especially if you're a woman of color, the first inclination for many of us is to start in those like, you know, the black clubs or the Hispanic clubs or what have you.

Go into clubs that are, you know, hobby or passion based as well. Right. Really expand your horizons.

The. The other thing that I would say is.

Stay away from the frats.

Not much good can come of it, girl. Don't stay, don't stay around 2 o', clock, girl. It's kind of like a diddy party, girl. After 1:30, that's when the gets crazy, girl. Leave thing, girl.

So yeah.

Skin ritual said, oh, we love you more. Thank you, girl. Yo, Willie, thank you so much for the hearts.

Cassette. Just moved to atl. Should I run home to California? No, girl, but in atl. Here's the gag on your apps. You want to have one, one app in atl, but then you want to have one app somewhere else. Chattanooga.

Charlotte, North Carolina.

One surrounding city around Atlanta. Okay. Most of my Atlanta client. I would say half my Atlanta clients get their guy in Atlanta. The other half get their guy outside of Atlanta. I just had a client last week get or yeah, last week get her guy and she loses in Atlanta.

Hotlanta girl.

Let me see what y' all are talking about. More questions.

Rare Candy said, I match with a guy on hinge. We've been texting, but he hasn't asked me out. If he hasn't asked you out in a week, he's gotta go.

Catherine said, thoughts on dating Italian men. So I lived in Italy for a year. Are you talking about Italian Americans? Are we talking about Italians from the motherland of Italy? Italians are very sensitive. Most of them are packing thick girl like Dominican thicc.

They're spoiled because their mothers do everything for them. Many of them don't leave the house until they get married. Their mothers cook, clean laundry, everything. So many of Them are trying to replace their mothers.

I dated too many of them when I lived in Italy.

Someone asked, how do we marry rich? That's a good question.

You're gonna have to have money to marry money. Because you're going to have to be in the circles and the events to meet them. No shade, girl. You're not going to find a wealthy man flying Spirit or Frontier Airlines. But you will at the Centurion, Centurion Lounge or.

Singapore Airlines, right? You'll meet them at the Cannes Film Festival or the F1 1 race.

Or some of the.

Some other events that happen around the world takes money. Polo races, country clubs, Right.

This is important because I think some girls think that, oh my God, I just have to like go to like a hotel, like a wealthy hotel place. And.

You know, then I'll just find a rich man and he'll pick me up and it's like Pretty Woman all over again. Girl. Most of the men there, if you're dress, you know, have a short dress on and you're at a hotel bar, they're gonna think that you're a prostitute.

And they might engage. No shade. So, you know, if you are looking for.

Like marriage, you also have to understand that. And I'm talking about wealthy men, I'm not talking about rich men. There's a difference.

You're gonna have to have a certain pedigree. You're going to have to be able to speak on certain topics like AI and biotechnology and manifestation and religion and God, because they believe in all of that and money.

That's the funny thing. A lot of wealthy people talk about money. They don't talk about it in numbers, but they talk about the subject of it. So that's important. And I think that's something that a lot of non rich or wealthy people think, oh my God, never talk about money. No, they talk about it. Yeah. So that's the thing. The other thing is.

One of the differences between rich and wealthy men is like the rich guy is kind of like new money. So he's still working for his money. So he's going to be impatient and always in a rush. He's the kind of guy that's going to be like, do you know who I am? At a restaurant when something goes wrong, the wealthy guy has his money working for him. So he doesn't, he's. He owns his time and he's generally more quiet and he understands that he can learn something from anybody and everyone. So he is engaging with a variety of different, different people because he understands that relationships are everything and that if you cultivate them, everybody will do everything for you. Right. So I'm giving you some tea. On in terms of how to differentiate between rich and wealthy men, you don't want a rich man, you want a wealthy man. Wealthy men will date women their age. Rich men will date the younger girls because he's, he wants to impress other people. People. Wealthy men are not trying to impress other people. They're trying to impress themselves.

They're trying to level up and maximize their, their own potential.

Okay, I hope this is helpful.

And I, I just wanted to kind of give you a little bit of game because some of these girls are thinking, oh my God, if I just get a rich man, my life will be great. No, it won't. You're trying to use this man to save you from your own life. And your job is to be your own hero and save yourself. That is how you get a wealthy man.

When you are approaching, when you're asking questions about how do I find a rich man, you're already approaching your love life and dating life in a disempowered state.

You will never get into a healthy relationship because you will have already pedestalized this man. This rich man.

Sometimes the girls don't want to hear it. But I want to share this with you because you know you can follow these girls about get you a rich man. Get you a rich man. The other thing that people don't think about is that the rich mans like rich men that I was telling you before, they are working all the time because they are trying to make more and more money and the more that they work, the more money that they get so you can get with a rich man. But girl, you're going to be, you're going to be a single mother and you're going to be lonely. And most of us really do appreciate quality time. You think that money will make you happy?

Ask any rich person to tell you it doesn't.

So.

Most women that get with rich men are very lonely and miserable.

So I hope that's helpful for you.

Yeah, you got that right. Skin rituals. Rich men aspire to be wealthy men. 100% wealthy men are chill, they're not loud because they don't have to be. Yeah. Casina said, do Hispanic men date black women? They do. They do.

But Hispanic. A lot of Hispanic men cheat, girl. For all the black girls that have dated Hispanic men, what has been your experience? Put in the chat, girl, we're all family here. No shade.

Jen said he's bad at communicating. Should I dump him? I mean, it doesn't get better from here. It gets worse.

Yeah. Someone asked what's.