Dating Q and A 10-21-23

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Foreign.

Hello, ladies. Good morning. I hope you're doing well. I hope that the connection on my phone is pretty good today for some reason, for the last. The last weekend I was.

My phone was tripping while I was gymnastics and fencing, waiting for my kiddos. Yeah. Now, for those of you that don't know me, my name is Anwar White. I am a dating coach for black and brown women. And I'm here to help you get your dating life on, honey. Yeah, so I'm gonna be on here until my girl.

My daughter, is done with her.

Gymnastics. And we'll go from. Yes, honey. Chrissy. Yes? You said come through with the pepper, girl. It's fall here in Canada, honey. These tanks that I used to give, girl, can't be given any more.

Yes, honey.

So what we're gonna do, we're talk a little shit. If I can say that on a Saturday morning. Hope the kids aren't around, honey. And hopefully we can learn a little about love, dating, relationships, and men. And if you want to, if you're ready to work with me, definitely either DM me or book a consultation call. The link is in my bio, and we'll go from there. Good morning, the resource bae. Janelle said. Okay, Fendi. Thank you, girl. You know, here's the thing, ladies. I think it's, like, so, so important to, like, get the thing you want.

I always call it treats. You have to treat yourself every week. So this was a treat I gave myself a couple of years ago, and I don't really wear it that much, but when I do, honey, it feels good. So get yourself a treat every week, honey. You got to put yourself first.

Lucius. I got to put me first. I gotta put me first.

Hi, Sammy. Good morning, Latrice. Good to see you, girl. Good morning, Chrissy.

Let me see what the girls are talking about. Fly Money said, ooh, love the puffer. Thank you, girl. Sammy said, that's so sweet. Good dad alert, girl. Just trying to be as present as possible. Being a dad with a very strong, opinionated, young, black and brown girl is tough because you want to give her space, but you also want to keep it respectful. So it's a balance. Crystal said, good morning, all ears. Because the single life is for the birds. Here's what I want y' all to know. Being single is a great opportunity to, like, really work on yourself and focus on yourself. So I want to let you all know that, like, yes, it. Sometimes it really sucks. Like, let's. Let's keep it 100 real in this live. I Know that when I was single and I would come home from work and it would be like nada, Prada. It would fucking suck. Yeah. And so I was having a chat with one of my clients in the Boston area and I was. And she was saying, like, I gotta put in the work. Like, I gotta like, make this work. Yeah. If I really want this. And I said, yeah, like, here's what I want. How I want you to think about this. I don't want you to go hard when it comes to dating. And I know that might sound really weird coming from a dating coach. I just want. I want you to be in the arena. I want you to at least be able to be found. What does that look like? It looks like going out once a week, right? Not to like a bar girl. Like doing things that you actually really enjoy and appreciate and then like going on the apps. 10 minutes in the morning, 10 minutes in the. In the evening. That's it. Most of y' all are going so hard and then getting burnt out. I don't want that for you. The other thing that I want to share with you all because nobody's going to tell you about this, but please understand that if you're doing the start and stop thing when it comes to dating, two things. One, you're getting triggered and you need to heal. And two, if you can't handle dating girl, no shade. You're probably not going to be able to handle a relationship because being in a relationship is 10 times intensified because you actually give a damn about the other person. So if you are that girl that's starting and stopping, if you are a start and stop girl, put start and stop in the chat, then please understand we've got, we've got to heal those triggers and that trauma that's going on. Okay? And for anyone that if I'm saying anything that's resonating with you, tap, double tap, triple tap the screen, honey, let's get the likes up, honey. Because I'm a like ho and I like likes.

Hello? Lolo. JXCA said, I have a date today and he's taking me to an art exhibit and dinner. Yes, honey, that sounds like a curated date to me. Have fun life with Nick said, good morning. Good morning to you. Claudia said, good morning from sc. Yes, South Carolina. Hey, girly, pop the resource base that you are the dating coach for black and brown women. Thank you. I appreciate and receive that. Crystal said, let's talk, honey. I know that's right. Literally said, I love that jacket. Nice. Thank you. Curly pops up the jacket. Yes, honey, I am. Said, good morning from Alberta. Not Alberta, girl. Not. Not the Texas of Canada. Yeehaw.

Scar Said downloaded Bumble today just because of you. Thank you, girl. Good. Give yourself three months on Bumble, girl, and see what comes of it. Crystal Said, hi. From Denver. Ooh, Denver girl. Oh, not Denver girl. You.

I see a lot of start and stop squirrel. Just see a lot of it, girl. We're not gonna do that.

Okay, Let me see what's going on.

You wish. Said. What are some good openers for meeting someone offline? Grow. You don't got. You don't got to.

Open, like. You don't have to come up with some freaking lines. This is why people like women feel so, like, oh, I never want to approach a guy because I have to feel like. Like I gotta pick them up. You don't gotta pick up any guys. Here's what I want you to. Here's what I want you to give. Okay, this is what I used to give, girl. I used to get all the boys straight by. And anything else.

You just give them a compliment. Oh, I love that shirt. Where'd you get it from? You know, men never receive compliments, even at work. It's not like. It's like they're always focused on the work product, but it's not about the man. Man, I love those shoes. I love that watch. That's my trifecta. Shirt, shoes, watch. And quiet as it's kept y' all looking for men that are. Are stable and financial. Those are the things that you probably want to look at. Yeah.

True tea.

The dilly vanillies that you're serving. Thank you, girl. I try. Erica Said, engaged to a beautiful, kind, generous Armenian man. I know that's right. I know that's right. Erica June Arika June Yara said, I treat myself too much. Impossible. Don't know what that means. Don't know what that looks like. I think you're speaking a different language.

Not possible.

Marie said, I keep telling my sisters and mom that. I know that's right.

Sammy said, how do you start dating if you haven't before without overwhelming yourself? Girl, a little bit at a time. You got to crawl before you ball. Yeah, y' all getting on these, like, rando sites where you're getting, like, 500 messages in the first day. Like I said, 10 minutes in the morning, 10 minutes in the evening. And if the. If you still got messages after the 10 minutes, they're gonna have to wait for the next time. Everything's got to be on your timeline, your convenience. Thank you all so much for the 5000 likes already. Let's keep it going. Chrissy said, good morning. Good morning to you, girl. Carm said, am I. Are you married? Girl, what I look like out here talking about how I'm getting people married every week. Girl. And not being married. I know some of the girls out here that are dating coaches will try to tell you about how you need to get into a relationship without being married. I'm married. Been married for almost 10 years now. 11 years. Girl. When it gets so long, sometimes you forget. No shade. But you know what? I was just doing some research because as a dating coach, I actually think about love and relationships both qualitatively and quantitatively. And.

I was seeing that the divorce rate for gay men is like 15%. Yeah. And I thought that that was really interesting. I think for straight couples it is like 40 ish percent in between 35 and 40%.

And I think there's a lot to be learned from same sex couples.

About kind of equity and equality and, and kind of really managing both the masculine and the feminine energy.

So.

You know, because you know what, you know what's happening now, now that I'm like getting up there, like I'm getting popular, a lot of people are really trying to come for me and which has been really interesting. A lot of black guys, which girl quiet as it's cat. That's always been the case and they were, you know, they, they always go to sexuality. So quiet. Quick note. If a guy has a problem with gay guys, please understand he has a problem with femininity.

And it's probably because he also wants to take on a little bit of the feminine role. Yeah. Oh my God. I need to turn invites off. This person keeps on trying to get onto my live. Honey, no means no.

So anyway, I'm saying all that to say that there's a lot to be learned from, I think LGBT individuals who are in relationships because this one creator was talking about how myself I'm using people for money. And then Princilla is also trying. Princilla, the queen maker, who I believe is same sex loving is also. You know, we don't know what we're talking about, but I actually think we have a very unique perspective. Okay. Kylan said, parenting is tough. Ain't it the truth? Good morning, Lizzy. Liz. Gia said, you're right. I should buy that elliptical. Gotta treat myself, girl. Buy it, girl. Bot what are we doing?

Being single is a great opportunity to work on yourself 100% and here's the thing, y' all are. When I say work on yourself, I'm not talking about, oh my God, let's get this, let's get this waist down. Let's get the cheek fillers, right? I mean, you can do that if you want to. What I'm talking about is.

Learning how to be a woman of your word. When you say you're going to do something, do it. Get those boundaries in place. Stop apologizing for things that are not your fault. Right? Stop that self deprecating humor. That is not cute. That's what I'm talking about. I'm talking about learning how to be the main character in your life. Some of y' all know shade are serving chubby, funny best friend in a Hallmark movie.

And y' all gotta be given protagonist, honey. Yeah.

So. And I say all of that with love. I hope you all know I'm not coming for anybody because I literally 15 years ago, I had, I had to have the same conversation with myself. There were. I used to hang out with all of these white gay boys that would literally take my personality and make it their own and then become the main character of our friend group. And it was crazy. It was insanity. And I was like, this is bizarre. Like, I've got to be the main character. I've got to do things for me. I have to book that flight, right? I have to stop giving people money and doing things for people. Y' all need to do the same thing. All that money that you're giving to your family and your friends, keep it for yourself and treat yourself with that money. Many of us, especially if you're smart and successful and one of the only people in your family will do this because you have this success guilt and you feel guilty about doing well for yourself when you keep on giving money to those people, you are literally staying in your masculine energy. And it's going to be even that much more difficult for you to accept the love and the caring from a man. And your future husband is going to want to do that for you. Okay? So no more money to family and friends. And when they come to you saying, oh my God, can you give me $200? I really need it for X, Y and Z. I'm so sorry, I'm not able to do that right now. Is there anyone else I can help you? Oh, there isn't. Oh my God, that really sucks. I'm so sorry to hear that. I have to go. But I'm, I'm rooting for you and I'm Praying for you.

That's it. Yeah.

User 480 Set thoughts on moving quicker if it's long distance? Long distance should be slower, girl, not quicker. And if it gets quicker, that's a problem. Please understand that you are. You are the pacer. You pace all of your relationships.

So if you going quick, if it's going quick, it's because you're going quick. And that's a boundary issue and we got to get the boundaries right. Girl. Yeah. If he hasn't come to see you within four to six weeks, he's not serious. You have to let him go. That's my timeline for that. I'm gonna do a video on long distance because I get that question all the time.

Joy Love said, what are the best asks not hinge. Right now most of my clients are getting their guys off of Bumble. Okay. Cupid and Match.

Coffee meets Bagel. Hasn't been giving much this year, to be honest.

Karina said. Omg. You were right about the nerdy lanky gamer guys liking plus size women. I have a date Friday. Get it? If you are curvier. BBW plus size. Whatever. You consider yourself right.

Y' all need to get with gamers. They check in for you hard. Them and the gym bros. But the game, the. The tall, lanky gamers are packing the gym bros. Tootsie Roll, Tootsie Roll, Tootsie Roll. And I'm not about that. Tootsie Roll life. Some of y' all like Tootsie Rolls for Halloween. Honey, I like the big Snickers bars. And because I'm gay, I like the Skittles too. Right?

All right, though let me. Girl, I'm seeing a lot of start and stop, girl. And I'm gagged on that, y'. All. If you're starting and stopping and dating, you need me as a dating coach or you need somebody. It doesn't have to be me.

Said I went from start and stopping to stop, stop, stop. Oh, girl, not stop. Drop and roll away from these men.

Let you. Thank you so much for the hearts sincere. Girl. Said texting a guy every day for a month. Hasn't asked me out. Cut him off. Yes. If he had. If these men do not ask you out within a week.

They call me the love umpire. Out. They're out.

What? What did Michelle do on. What was that show? Cut it out.

Yeah, Kamika said that was me. But I've committed myself to be in the arena. I love it, girl. I love it. Chanel. Good morning from Texas, girl.

Jade said just got here. What? Start and stop. I was telling the girls. I was like, if you're starting and stopping and dating, at first I asked, let me know what if y' all are doing that? And then I was saying, girl, if you're doing that, it means that you're getting triggered and you have trauma that you need to heal. Girl, we should be dating. And anything that these guys do or say, girl, doesn't matter.

Off a duck's back. And if that's not the case for you, that there's stuff for us to clear up, and if we don't, all of that trauma and those triggers will happen in your relationship and you'll break up pretty quickly. That's what I do as a dating coach. Yes, it's a dating coach. But I'm preparing my ladies for the best relationship of their lives so that any small thing that happens, they're not tripping. They don't got to tell somebody about themselves every other day.

Yeah. Good morning, Sarah, Joseph. Good morning, Kylan.

Good morning, Chanel.

Miriam said hello from London. Cheerio.

Let me. Let me find my place, honey. My God, y' all talking today. Honey, y' all talking.

And just FYI, if you want to work with me, you better book a call. I think I have an opening for tonight. If you want to have a consultation tonight and then to tomorrow, I have one more slot open. Mally of Mallory said, your skin looks healthy. Girl, I haven't even washed it this morning. You know what I was. You know what I've been doing? My friend gave me a tree, took me to the facialist. Girl. Girl, I was putting all these acids on my body, on my face grows, giving Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle. And I had to grow. She's like moisturized, moisturize spf. Girl. So, I mean, I've been serving rose water. I've been serving a lot of hyaluronic acid. I've been serving a lot of spf. And then also the cost Rx nail mucin. Girl, the is fading, the dark spots from when I was 12 years old.

Deon said, when I was 14, I told a man the watch he was trying on was really nice. He bought the watch. Girl, all you have to do is tell these men what you like and they'll do it. Girl, men are.

And I say this respectfully, like, very much like dogs. Like, like, you say, oh, I want this. And then the actual treat is not a little doggy treat. It's literally just attention, appreciation, acknowledgement, admiration.

Right? I'm serious.

Iman said, I literally see the same guys on every dating app. That's why I feel like it's feel like online is hard. If you see a guy on multiple dating apps, please understand he's probably not dateable.

Like, if you see him on More than More than two, that means he's grasping for straws. And if you on More Than two, girl, keep it to two.

Stephanie said, if you meet his family in the first month, is bad a good or bad thing? Well, I think that's really fast. Unless you working with a Turkish man or a Russian, they go pretty fast. Yeah, it's very cultural. But if it's some black or white guy from America, that is too fast, girl. And when he does that, just let him. That sounds really nice. Let's get to know each other a little bit more. I would feel most comfortable doing that. And then let's meet each other's friends and family. How does that sound? It always has to be based on your comfort level. This is how we stay in our fam energy, honey. Yes.

Mysterious. Said, is silence more effective than going off on an ex that you hurt? That hurt you. Yeah. Girl, please understand when you trying to tell somebody about themselves, girl, you already lost.

You already lost.

You literally lost your mind, but lost yourself. We don't need to do that. We should not be engaging with exes anyway. Yeah. Freedom for real. One said, you're looking good this morning. Thank you. Are you a man? Because I see a man's profile up in here. Men do not flirt with me. I will tell my husband.

And he will get on you.

Just so that y' all know it's a white man, honey. He advocates for. For my black ass.

Yeah, honey. Sis. Grace said, Jesus wrote, man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word of God. And guess what Anwar is saying. Woman should not live on words alone. She should be living on actions and some hot ass men.

Ali Hines said. Good morning. Good morning, honey.

Yes, I love to present in the cologne work the cologne. Yes, ma'. Am.

Crystal said started using dry cleaners and well start using dry cleaners in wealthy neighborhoods. Yeah. Kind of girl, like, because it's such an in and out transaction, you. You're not really gonna like, meet people as much you want to find places that they're gonna be like longer times where they're staying. So like get together at friends homes, right? Cigar lounges.

Things like that. Just she and said. Hi, bestie. You look amazing. Thank you, girl. I appreciate that. Victoria Burns said, I'm ready to get married. I love that.

Felicia Said Live on a Saturday. How did I almost miss this girl? I'm usually not, but here's the thing. My daughter is doing her gymnastics thing. So I tell I, I when my kids are doing something, I always stay at the location. I have some, like, inner child wounds myself where my mom would just drop me off or I would have to, like, take a bus across town to get to my tennis lessons or whatever. And, like, my parents never, like, pick me up. So I'm always like, I'm gonna be here. We're gonna work through this hour and a half lesson, and I'll be here on time. Yeah. So Saturdays I will be here. Nicole said, I've been taking your TikTok advice and it's changing my dating game. I hope so. Nicole Rogers. I hope so. I like to think of my stuff, my free stuff, better than anybody's paid stuff. Yeah, lavishly. Eula said, yes, honey, spill the tea. I'm trying to. I'm trying to spill that tea. AKF said, what type of guys love a Latina? A lot of guys. Girl, like, do you feel like people are saying, no, I don't want to be with you because you're Latina? That's, that's not been my experience as a dating coach for 13 years. But you let me let you let me know, girl. Lavender said, do you ever help polyamory couples? Not like, not necessarily. The women that come to me are looking for monogamous relationships that because they want, they want to be married and they want to have kids. Kylan said, do you want more children and more? I have three now. I was begging my, my husband for more. I wanted to adopt because we've done surrogacy for the past three children.

He's really nice. He's Canadian. So he doesn't say no, but he says, let's think about it. And that means no. Sometimes you have to translate these men, honey, you got to know your man, and you got to translate what means yes and what means no. So when he says, so, for example, when my husband says, okay, let's think about that, that's a no. When he comes in the house and I say, how was your day? And he said, oh, it's okay. That means his day was horrible. He's not a complainer. Ladies don't get with men that are complainers.

Something. There's some things that I want you to think about when you are getting with a man. Number one, don't get with a man that is a complainer because you're gonna have to pay counselor to him all the time. Number two, get with a calm man. This is like the engineering, accounting types. You don't want to get with the actors and all that. That's drama. You in the theater all day every day. Yeah. Roller coaster of emotions. You don't want that. And some people are like, that's boring. You want boring. Number three, get with a man who knows how to dance. That's a level of confidence that you don't, that most guys don't have. And that's the level of movement that you want.

Those are three tips. I just want to serve. Serve, y'. All.

Okay.

Mel said, I'm plus size and I don't like the gamer nerds. Sucks for you, girl. The gamer nerds are packing. They're nice and many of them have money to actually provide for a family. Marissa, thank you so much for the rose.

Sci fi said, you were so right about big guys. So much projecting. Yeah. You don't want to get with a. You don't want to get with a big guy if you're a big girl.

That. Because all that self hate they're going to put on to you, girl. You don't want it.

Jam said, is marriage still a thing? Life partners is where it's at, to be honest. Whatever you want. Whatever you want.

Mariposa, Good morning, girl. Marissa, thank you so much for the. Rosa, the enlightened empress said, I love your content and can tell you have great intentions. Thank you. You're so welcome. I try, girl. Some of these people think I, I like that. I do it for the coins, girl. At this point, no shade, I don't, I don't need the coins.

I really do it because I want black women to win. I want y' all to win. And I think y' all are the most amazing creatures on this planet. And I think you should be getting 10 times as much as what you're getting now. And I hope to have to contribute to that in some way, shape or form.

Dina, thank you so much for the rose. Tanya or Tania. Is dating over 40 as difficult as everyone makes it seem? I think dating between 40 and 50 is actually a bit difficult. But if you are 50 plus, dating can be quite easy because at that point, you know yourself so much more than in your 40s. In your 40s, like, you know, after 30s, like you, you know what your life is. You kind of know who you're going to be, but it's like kind of a transitionary period. So you also have a lot of men that.

Are really trying to find themselves because at 40, you kind of know what your career is, and you've got to figure out, am I happy with myself or not. So a lot of dating, a lot of guys in their 40s kind of sucks. So some of the. Some of the tea that you might have to do. Girl, if you are, let's say, 43 or 45, girl, you might have to get with somebody that's 38, 39, or somebody that's 5253. Yeah. Lisa, good morning to you, girl.

Lisa, good morning to you, girl.

Mystery J. Thank you so much for the ice cream cone and the lightning bolt.

And the chili.

Mystery J. Thank you so much for the ice cream cone and the lightning bolt.

And the chili.

Happy happy Saturday, b. Jones.

Girl, somebody said. Can you repeat it? Girl, I said something 10. Girl, I said something 10 minutes ago. I said a lot of things between now and then. I'm just catching up. You know, I'm always behind, honey. A little bit behind, but never late.

Travel. Travel with Sal said, what if you're helping your parents pay off their mortgage? Stop it.

Stop it. How you gonna. How you gonna pay their mortgage? And then, girl, do you have your own mortgage to pay? What about your family? What about your legacy?

Yeah, girl, you literally parenting them. That's what. That's what parents do.

Yeah. Tania said, have a good day, amore. Thank you. Thank you.

Meg baby said, that's on. Giving a guy your number, did he ask for it?

Here's the thing. Many of you all try to make it happen. If you continue to make it happen with guys, they will never make it happen with you.

And so I want to offer to you that.

Happy Saturday be Jones. I generally do not recommend for my clients to give a man their number.

Men that are really into you, you'll have to beat them off with a stick.

Yeah.

Jane said, how do I get over my fear of dating outside of my race? Girl, listen to my latest podcast. It was entitled how to date safely date a white man.

Because I hear it every day. Girl, you are not alone. But here's what I know. I was like a third of my clients get with non black eyes. But there are a lot of fears and I try to dispel a lot of those myths and fears so that you can get over that. So check.

Girl, somebody said, can you repeat out the latest episode of my podcast? It's called the get your guy coaching podcast. And we'll go from there, girl, but honey, you need to be dating the rainbow yeah. Eat it, girl. I said something 10. Girl, I said something 10 minutes ago. I said a lot of things between now and then. I'm just catching up. You know, I'm always behind, honey. A little bit behind. But you need to. You need to date everybody easy wins, girl.

Lindsay said, do you help queer women? I help all women. Queer, trans, all relate.

Travel. Travel.

I help women.

Tiffany said, it's a jacket for me. Yes, honey, she said, it's fall this morning.

Ellie G said, my guy is in England. I'm in the east coast. Girl. He better come to you. He better come to you.

With some crumpets too.

Yeah.

Judo said, you were right about the redhead. Squirrel. I know. I've been doing this for 13 years. Oh, with Sal Said, what if you're helping your parents pay off their mortgage. Stop it. That's why black and brown women come to me to help. For me to help them get their guy. The redheads are checking for.

Stop it. How you gonna. How you gonna pay their mortgage? And then, girl, do you have your own mortgage to pay for the black girls? When you see a redhead, go to him, snatch him up.

Yeah.

What about your family? What about your legacy?

Nazeera said, how do I know if I'm being demeaning versus direct when disagreeing with a man?

Give me an example. What are you disagreeing with him on? Because we really don't need to, like, argue with a man at all. We get to share how we think and how we feel and keep it moving. We don't need to go back and forth with men. And if you find yourself doing that, please understand that you probably had authoritarian father who you never felt like you had a voice with, and you are trying to defend that little girl. And yeah, girl, you literally parenting them. That's side. And you don't need to do that. You need to heal her and stay in your queen status. Queens don't argue with anyone.

They don't do that.

That's what parents do.

Yeah. Tania said, have a good day, amore. Thank you. Thank you. More. Gracie8 said, love you. Have a good day. Thank you. Girl.

Meg baby said, that's on giving a guy your number. Did he ask for it in case they true her words? My man is an ex nerd. Girl, get with the nerds. Girl. Get with the nerds.

That's so catty Said. What are things you should avoid putting in your dating bio? Girl.

I think that a lot of women can be really negative. Well, a lot of people, right? So they're like, don't message me if you or sometimes someone will be very particular. I got things for guys with glasses and beards. What about this?

Here's the thing. Many of you all try to make a really good guy who doesn't have a beard, right? So let's, let's stay positive, optimistic and let's be broad in our profiles. The profile is really just to start a conversation. It's not to find your husband. So you want to keep it open and not kind of low key, passively discriminate against anybody you want to happen. If you continue to make it happen with guys, they will never make it happen with you.

And so I want to offer to you that I generally do not recommend for my clients to give a man their number as many people to reach out to you and it's called I call it in my program filtering in right. So have a lot of people come in and then you get to decide based on the choice who you want to engage with.

Lilliana Del Valley said, look, gamers have money because they only spend buying new games. They don't care about the Jordans. Girl. Exactly. Girl. A game is 50 bucks. Girl. The Jordans are 250.

Yeah girl. They they buying a new.

Men that are really into you. You'll have to beat them off with the stick.

Yeah.

Jane said, how do I get over my fear of dating outside of my race? Girl Listen to my latest podcast. It was entitled how to Date Safely Date a White Man Game every month. Girl that's 50 bucks a month.

That's only 600 bucks. All they need is that and some pizza. Girl. They're good.

Low maintenance girl. Yeah.

Etosa said, any advice for uni girls dating? Yes girl. Study abroad.

Study abroad. Preferably in Europe. And you know those white girls who do the backpacking trips either the gap year or after they graduate. Girl. Do it when you're abroad.

And have three boyfriends in every country that you're at and get fluent in another language. That's what I did. That's why I know six languages now girl.

Because I hear it every day. Girl. You are not alone. But here's what I know.

Yes girl. Thank you Fifi. Full house.

I was like a third of my clients get with non black eyes. But there are a lot of fears and I tried to.

Book by Brit said checking in from Dallas. I know that's right. Dallas. Love you and we're thank you.

Marmar Max who dispel a lot of those myths and fears so that you can get over that. So check out the latest episode of my podcast. It's called the get your guy coaching podcast. And we'll go from that. Do a video on long distance relationship. I need help. What do you need help with, girl? What are the questions about long distance relationships that I can answer in the. In a video that I'll do next week?

Tiger girl said, my dates always ask me leading questions about if I'm going on dates. What do I do? What do I say? Girl, be honest when they ask you. Be honest. Yes, I'm dating.

Yeah. Because I'm single until I'm in an exclusive relationship. And the guys that can't take the girl. But, honey, you need to be dating the rainbow. Yeah, you need to. You need to date everybody. Easy wins, girl, that are not the guys for you. I know that your guy is gonna. You know what, in one or two weeks, he's gonna. He's gonna try to snatch you up, girl. They want to be exclusive with you. Those are the guys that you want to lean into. Most of the guys will be turned off by that because they don't want to.

Lindsay said, do you help queer women? I help all women. Queer, trans, all compete because they don't care about you. No shade.

DG said, hey, I've got. And can y' all let me know when it is?

12:15 Eastern, 9:15 Pacific. Raw. It can't be late for my daughter.

DG said, hey, I've got a second day coming up, but I'm not feeling him anymore. Don't go.

Say, hey. Thanks so much for scheduling the second date. Unfortunately, I'm not feeling a connection, but I want to wish you the best of luck.

That's it. Yeah. Now, thank you all so much for the 24,000 likes. If you are like, damn, like, I really need to level up this area.

I help women.

Tiff. When they said it's the jacket for me. Yes, honey, she said, it's fault. And you want to work with a dating coach, Definitely book a consultation call with me and we'll get you right. As you can tell, girl, Ambrosia, thank you so much for the heart me.

College growl. Love the name. Should I stop dating someone because they're bald? This morning.

Led said, my guy is in England. I'm in the east coast, girl. He better come to you. He better come to you. Boring. Here's what I want to let you know about boring. It takes two parties to be boring. So if someone is boring, then you might also be boring if you are not engaging with people where you're Having a good time wherever you go, with whomever you're with. It means that you got to step up your game, girl. You should be entertaining yourself.

Right. Talk. It means you're not talking your shit. You're letting these guys lead the conversation. And because they're not leading it, well, you're over it. Girl, you should be talking your. Don't be that girl who wants to talk about Will and Jada, but then the guy wants to talk about, you know, Hamas and Israel. No, girl, talk about what you want to talk about. And have fun on these dates.

Yeah, look.

With some crumpets, too.

Yeah.

Judal said you were right about the redhead. Squirrel. I know. I've been doing this for 13 years. That's why black and brown women come to me to help. For me to help them get their guy. The redheads are checking for. If it's not a match, it's not a match. But I always think that there's something to learn about how we engage in our dating life. It's hard for me to tell because it's hard for me to get an understanding of what is boring to you and what is not. I have a client who. Who says that too. But that's because she was leading with her sexuality. And because he wasn't complimenting her on her body, he was boring to her. Or because he wasn't the highest thing alive, he was boring to her. So it's hard for me to answer that directly because I don't know what boring means to you and what that looks like.

Faduma said, I just moved to Madrid and I'm living and where I know that's right. That's why I say girl. Girl, go to Europe 10x your romantic relationship. Especially for the American girls. Honey, when I I lived in Europe, I came back and I was on these American the black girls. When you see a redhead, go to him. Guys, what does that mean? Girl giving them no life. Girl, if. If I can pull. Snatch him up.

Yeah.

Superman in Milan, Italy. I'm not tripping on Javante in Atlanta. No shade, girl, go.

Where they where you are a freaking goddess because you are.

Good morning nine.

Oh, my gosh. I'm really behind. Sorry. Sorry, ladies. Tabitha said I have a date today. He lives two hours away from me. He made a reservation at a place 15 minutes from me. Exactly what he should be doing. We love it. Let me know how it goes, girl.

Ally from the Valley. Love that name. As a Valley girl myself, I'm 31. Don't want or have kids but want marriage with godly man who has zero or one kids. Please help.

So are you are you dating?

Nazira Said how do I know if I'm being demeaning versus direct when disagreeing with a man him now? Or is that what you're just looking for and wanting and manifesting and talking to God about?

Here's the thing, here's the cruel.

Give me an example. What are you disagreeing with him on? Old joke about love and dating and all of that. It's not going to look like the way that you want because we really don't need to like argue with a man at all. We could wanted it or imagined it to look like as someone who gets people into relationship every week. This week I had three ladies get into a relationship in my program and one move in with her guy. Last week it was another three ladies. Like I always ask them, is this your type? They always say no. I never thought I would be with this person, but I'm the happiest that I've ever been. So I want you to open yourself up to something that might not look the way that it you wanted it to, but it feels the way that you've always wanted it to feel. Okay Pretty plus said fact.

Flawlessly imperfect said I have a question girl. Answer it girl. Or ask it. You see everybody else not acting shy girl. Ask these questions the coolest Said where's your podcast girls? Everywhere. Apple, Spotify, Stitcher to share how we think and how we feel and keep it moving. We don't need to go back and forth with men. And if you find yourself doing that, please understand that you probably had authoritarian father I heart it's called the get your guy coaching podcast.

Who you never felt like you had a voice with and you are trying to defend that little girl inside. And you don't need to do that. You need to heal her and stay in your queen status. Mad Real said As a single mom, do I bring up my son right away? No. No girl. Put it on your profile as someone who has children girl. And if you ask about it, ask about it. Nobody's trying to date a mom. Meaning? Meaning someone who's like focused on their child and like everything is about parenting. They want to date a woman. So when you are dating, you got to get into your woman bag. Put your woman hat on, not your mom hat. That's what I mean by that. If we ask about the kids, let's talk about them. But other than that, let's talk about you as a woman. And this is such a really great question. Because the underlying tone here is. And this happens for so many parents, myself included, sometimes you can lose your identity and you don't even know who that is. Queens don't argue with anyone.

Hell, you are when you're a parent. So please understand that while you are dating you are also going to have to try to find your. Don't do that.

Yourself too. What do you like? I got to do the things that I like, right? Maybe I like to paint. I might have to go to a painting class every week. Have somebody babysit my son. More Gracie8 said. Love you. Have a good day. Thank you. Girl.

Things like that. Forever gorgeous. Would you give a cheater a second chance? I wouldn't. And the reason is because people men cheat because in case they true words. My man is an ex nerd. Girl. Get with the nerds, girl. They felt really shitty about themselves and they hate their life. It's rarely about the partner. They cheat because it's an ego boost. Because they feel so bad about them themselves.

And doing that sort of work. Especially for a man who is not in therapy because 98% of the guys will not be in therapy. It's going to take a long time. That's just my experience though. Yeah. You can take it or leave it. Girl.

Eck. Girl said, do you do matchmaking? No. Girl. And I don't think that you should. You should be with a matchmaker either. Matchmakers are horrible. Get with the nerds.

Their success rate is like 5%. And that's just for the white girls. Now if you're a black girl, maybe it's 1%. Yeah. What I know in doing this work, and this is why I'm a dating coach, is because there is some healing that has to happen.

As you are dating. Especially if you're a black and brown or the same triggers and trauma that you have now. That's okay. So what are things you should avoid putting in your dating bio? Girl.

I think that will manifest itself in your relationships and create disconnection. Okay.

Eva said, I'm dating a guy that's a full package inside but not attractive outside. What's your advice? Well, my question for you is if has the attraction for you increased over time? I always say talk to guys that are a 5 or above on a scale from 0 to 10 because I know that if the match is right, it'll. It'll add three points so he can get up to an eight. Right. Chemistry can grow with time. If it hasn't been growing. You gotta Let it go. Yeah, some of the girls, what they do is a lot of women can be really negative. Well a lot of people, right? So they're like don't message me if you. Or sometimes some women will be very particular. They will engage with somebody that's a four or five and just try to close their eyes. Figuratively and literally.

That shit's not gonna work.

User 328. Is it possible to get a provider man if you're overweight? Girl.

I got things for guys with glasses and beards. What about this really good guy who doesn't have a beard? Right. So let's, let's stay. I'm going to say something that is a bit flippant, but it's true. I am someone who loves reality TV.

And I watch my 600 pound life and each one of those mofos has a man.

So if you think that the reason your love life is not where it needs to be because you're overweight, I want to let you know that that's not the case. There are other deeper things happening here.

Confidence, mindset, boundaries.

Just to name a few. Yeah.

Said with love.

Positive, optimistic, and let's be broad in our profiles. The profile is really just to start a conversation. It's not to find your husband. So you want to.

Mermaid said, I love your page. Thank you girl. To keep it open and not kind of low key, passively discriminate against anybody you want.

Stephanie said, thoughts on dating a man 20 years older than you? I think that's, that's, that's cute. When you may be in your 35 plus as many people to reach out to you and it's called, I call it in my program filtering in. If you're younger than that girl. I think he's probably trying to control you and he can't deal with women his own age.

That girl. Thank you so much for the love you.

More Gray said. Wait, what about the redheads? Girl, redheads are checking for black women.

Visa dating in the workplace. That's a no for me dog.

Right. So have a lot of people come in and then you get to decide based on. And.

Bri said men who are inferior. The choice who you want to engage with.

To your career. Not inferior girl. Strong wording. What, what is your specific question? Y' all don't just give statements or ask me thoughts on this girl. Ask a specific question, please. Flawlessly imperfect. Do you do virtual sessions? Yeah, in my programs. We have two week group coaching.

Calls on Tuesdays and Thursday nights. And that's for my get your guy club. And then if you're in my VIP program in addition to that we do weekly one on one calls, 30 minutes with me and my team and then if you're in my VIP you also get to you have 24 7.

Tech support with me.

Love Africa said hi amore, you're the best. Thank you girl.

Taylor said hi and in love with that Fendi jacket. Thank you girl.

Coy said should I date while looking for a job? If you're not employed you should not be dating. This is my opinion. Nothing. Nothing.

Lilliana Develli said look, gamers have money because they only spend buying good will come out of like if you've been like chronically unemployed new games they don't care about the Jordans girl Exactly girl. A game is 50 bucks girl. For a while yeah if you like I have some clients that like work in tech and that's just like the nature of the market or some of them are getting laid off not but like they'll get it. The Jordans are 250.

Yeah girl. They buying a new game every month girl. That's 50 bucks a month.

That's only 600 bucks. Job in a couple months if you have if you've been looking for a job for a while, you got to get a job girl. Don't date. If you're dating while you are unemployed, you're dating from a place of insecurity. You're dating from a place of kind of like lack of power. So it'll always be an imbalanced relationship.

Yay. Said oh I found the right live. I know that's right girl.

Just exhale. Said met a guy.

Off a tick tock two months ago. He's been pursuing for a few weeks and flying to see me today. Have a good one girl. All they need is that and some pizza girl. They're good.

Low maintenance girl. Yeah.

We're hoping for the best girl. Nikki to Said I need to book a call with you. Please do it, please do it because quite as a scup girl, I think probably not going to be taking more consultation.

Et as I said any advice for friends after I want to say in the next two to three weeks for uni girls dating. Yes girl. Study abroad.

I gotta finish this book y'. All. This book's not going to finish itself and I keep on procrastinating, getting on these lives knowing God darn well that I need to be finishing this book.

Kate Said, the package below is my only thing I can't settle on. Well I Felt here's the thing, I think that that is valid. But I also know that.

Intimacy and sex is an important part, but it's not everything.

Yeah.

Brazil said, what does it mean when he doesn't ever study abroad, preferably in Europe? And you know those white girls who do the backpacking trips either the gap year or after they graduate? Girl, ask you any questions about you means he doesn't care about you. It means he cares about himself and he's looking for an audience. Move away.

JD said, what's your opinion on Talkify? I've had clients that have been doing Talkify and working with do it when you're abroad.

And have three boyfriends in every country that you're at and get fluent in another language. That's what I did. That's with me. And based on the strategy that I teach them, the dates that they get in my program are far above and beyond the dates that talka fi tries to provide for them.

So. Girl what you doing Sid? Why you look so cold, friend? I'm not cold. I'm in this big ass jacket to make sure that I'm not cold. Cold girl. But it's chilly up here in Montreal, honey.

Yay. Said I don't want a gamer. They gonna be gaming all day. Girl. Quite as it's kept. They not. Girl. They'll turn that game off in a second if you let them have it. Honey.

I know six languages now.

Care Bear said wow. A whole word about going back and forth with a man.

Yeah, with an authoritarian dad. Gracias. Anytime. Girl. We got to do this deeper work. A lot of the girls on here aren't going deep. We got it. We got to go deep. Let's go. Thank you, Fifi. Full house.

Book by Brits at checking in from Dallas. I know that.

Her from there. Where do you meet gamer men? Girl. Girl. Go to gamestop. Girl. Renaissance fairs, Comic con.

Girl. Get on Discord, Reddit.

Yes ma'. Am. Beetle Tuba said Anwar. What about profiles that say casual short term? Should we be swiping right and filtering in? I think so. But here's the thing. I also have a strategy that helps my clients figure out if these guys have the boyfriend skills or not. Here's the tsy Dallas. Love you and more. Thank you.

Mar Mar Max said I do a video on long distance relationship. I need help. What do you need help with? Girl? What are the questions about long ladies? Every man is looking for casual or short term. Guys are looking for sex and like fall in love along the way. Whereas most Women will look for love and have sex along the way. So the guys that are keeping it real for you, we like that. If a guy says he's looking for a long term relationship and you message him and you say, hey, I want to hook up to distance relationships that I can answer in the. In a video that I'll do next week.

Tiger girl said, my dates always ask me leading questions about if I'm going on, you know he's going to be over at your house.

Girl, don't put a lot of weight on these profiles. You have to get to know the guy. They can say whatever they want on the profile. Girl.

Love, Africa said, meeting men on Tik Tok. Your thoughts just like meeting men on ig. Girl.

I think if you're const. If the way that you interact is always through a social media app, then you're part of the entertainment and you're he. I don't think he really dates. What do I do? What do I say? Girl, be honest when they ask you. Be honest. Yes, I'm dating.

Yeah. Really wants to get to know you. You can meet a guy from there. But I'm really always going to be focused on are you taking it off of the app and going to text immediately and starting to have phone calls.

Gab said, what's your opinion? Because I'm single until I'm in an exclusive relationship. And the guys that can't take that are not the guys for you. I know that your guy is going, you know what? In one or two weeks in countries where men love us the most grown. Here's what I've seen. I've seen the Netherlands. I've seen. This is like I'm. And I'm not talking about like, oh, he wants. They all want to sleep with this girl. He's gonna. He's gonna try to snatch you up, girl. They want to be exclusive with you. Those are the guys that you want to lean into. Most of the guys will be turned off by that because they don't want to compete because they don't care about you. No.

DG said, hey, I've got. And can y' all let me know when it is?

12:15 Eastern, 9:15 Pacific. Girl, it can't be late for my daughter. DG said, hey, I've got a second day coming up, but I'm not feeling him anymore. Don't go.

Say, hey, thanks so much for scheduling the second date. Unfortunately, I'm not feeling a connection, but I want to wish you the best of luck.

That's it. Yeah. Now, thank you all so much for the 24,000 likes. If you are like, damn, like, I really need to level up this area and you want to work with a dating coach, definitely book a consultation call with me and we'll get you right. As you can tell, girl, Ambrosia, thank you so much for the heart me.

College growl. Love the name. Should I stop dating someone because they're boring? Here's what I want to let you know about boring. It takes two parties to be boring. So if someone is boring, then you might also be boring. If you are not engaging with people where you're having a good time, wherever you go, with whomever you're with, it means that you got to step up your game, girl. You should be entertaining yourself. Right? Talk. It means you're not talking your shit. You're letting these guys lead the conversation. And because they're not leading it, well, you're over it. Girl, you should be talking your shit. Don't be that girl who wants to talk about Will and Jada, but then the guy wants to talk about, you know, Hamas and Israel. No, girl, talk about what you want to talk about. And have fun on these dates.

Yeah. Look, if it's not a match, it's not a match. But I always think that there's something to learn about how. How we engage in our dating life. It's hard for me to tell because it's hard for me to get an understanding of what is boring to you and what is not. I have a client who. Who says that too. But that's because she was leading with her sexuality and because he wasn't complimenting her on her body, he was boring to her or because he wasn't the highest thing alive, he was boring to her. So it's hard for me to answer that directly because I don't know what boring means to you and what that looks like.

Faduma said, I just moved to Madrid and I'm living and where I know that's right, girl. That's why I say girl. Girl, go to Europe 10x your romantic relationship, especially for the American girls. Honey, when I. I lived in Europe, I came back and I was on these American guys. What does that mean, girl? Giving them no life. Girl, if. If I can pull Superman in Milan, Italy. I'm not tripping on Devonte in Atlanta. No shade. Girl, go. Go where they. Where you are a freaking goddess. Because you are.

Good morning. Nice.

Oh, my gosh. I'm a little behind. Sorry. Sorry, ladies. Tabitha said I have a date today. He lives two hours away from me. He made a reservation at a place 15 minutes from me. Exactly what he should to be doing. We love it. Let me know how it goes, girl. Alice Ally from the Valley. Love that name. As a Valley girl myself, I'm 31, don't want or have kids, but want marriage with godly man who has zero or one kids. Please help.

So are you. Are you dating him now? Or is that what you're just looking for and wanting and manifesting and talking to God about?

Here's the thing, here's the cruel joke about love and dating and all of that. It's not going to look like the way that you wanted it or imagined it to look like. As someone who gets people into relationship every week. This week I had three ladies get into a relationship in my program and one move in with her guy. Last week it was another three ladies. Like, I always ask them, is this your type? They always say, no, I never thought I would be with this person, but I'm the happiest that I've ever been. So I want you to open yourself up to something that might not look the way that it you wanted it to, but it feels the way that you've always wanted it to feel. Okay. Pretty plus said fact.

Flawlessly imperfect said. I have a question, girl. Answer it, girl. Or ask it. You see everybody else not acting shy, girl. Ask these questions the coolest said. Where's your podcast, girls? Everywhere. Apple, Spotify, Stitcher, I heart. It's called the get your guy coaching podcast.

Mad real said. As a single mom, do I bring up my son right away? No. No. Girl. Put it on your profile as someone who has children, girl. And if he asks about it, ask about it. Nobody's trying to date a mom.

Meaning someone who's like focused on their child and like everything is about parenting, they want to date a woman. So when you are dating, you got to get into your woman bag, put your woman hat on, not your mom hat. That's what I mean by that. If we ask about the kids, let's talk about them. But other than that, let's talk about you as a woman. And this is such a really great question because the underlying tone here is, and this happens for so many parents, myself included, sometimes you can lose your identity and you don't even know who the hell you are when you're a parent. So please understand that while you are dating, you are also going to have to try to find yourself too. What do you like? I got to do the things that I like. Right. Maybe I like to paint. I might have to go to a painting class every week, have somebody babysit my son, things like that. Forever gorgeous. Would you give a cheater a second chance? I wouldn't. And the reason is because people, men cheat because they feel really shitty about themselves and they hate their life. It's rarely about the partner. They cheat because it's an ego boost, because they feel so bad about themselves.

And doing that sort of work. Especially for a man who is not in therapy because they. 90% of the guys will not be in therapy. It's going to take a long time. That's just my experience, though. Yeah. You can take it or leave it. Girl.

Evie Sack girl said, do you do matchmaking? No, girl. And I don't think that you should. You should be with a matchmaker either. Matchmakers are horrible. Their success rate is like 5%. And that's just for the white girls. Now, if you're a black girl, maybe it's 1%. Yeah. What I know in doing this work, and this is why I'm a dating coach, is because there are some huge healing that has to happen.

As you are dating, especially if you're a black and brown, or the same triggers and trauma that you have now will manifest itself in your relationships and create disconnection. Okay.

Eva said, I'm dating a guy that's a full package inside, but not attractive outside. What's your advice? Well, my question for you is if has the attraction for you increased over time? I always say talk to guys that are a 5 or above on a scale from 0 to 10, because I know.