Dating Q and A 10-28-23

It.

Hello. Hello. Hello.

Hello. Hello. Hello. I hope everyone is doing well this morning.

Good morning. Good morning. Good morning.

What's the tea, y'? All? What's the tea?

What is really going on? Yeah. I hope everyone is doing well on this Saturday morning. It is surprisingly warm here in Montreal, Canada. I'm pretty sure that it's pretty warm where you're at as well. And I'm here. If you all follow me. You know what Saturday mornings mean? It means I'm playing Super dad, super Uber driver, slash. Yes, honey, you already know. Yo Gabba. Gymnastics, honey. We had karate earlier and now we have gymnastics. So I'm here waiting for my girl to get her Simone Biles on, get her Dominique Dawes on.

And then we'll come back and. And do what we do and have some family time. Yeah, but I just. I just come on here and, you know, I'd rather talk with you all instead of the.

Interesting, hyper, crazy sports parents out there that are, like, weirdly, passively, aggressively competitive. Yeah. Hi, Tiger. Hi, Chevy and the gang. And for those of you that don't know me, my name is Anwar White. I'm a dating coach for black and brown women, but people just call me Coach Anwar. So you can call me that, too, if you want, or just call me Annie. Hey.

Hi. The Tiger. Thank you so much for the heart. Me?

Yeah. So if you have any questions about dating, love, relationships, men or women, we're inclusive here. Or anything in between, Girl, that's what we're doing these days. Put your question in the chat, and I'll answer it in the order that I see it. And if there's anything that I say that resonates with you, tap, double tap, triple tap the screen, and let's get those likes up. Okay? Tizzy. Boo. Hey, girl. Hey, Latrice. Good to see you, girl. Latrice, when are you and I going to be working together? Girl, you come on every live, girl, we got to help you get your guy, if you don't have him already. Tiger said, so nice to see your beautiful smile. Thank you. Good morning, Caroline. Good morning. Yo Gabba. Good afternoon from the uk, Amy. Hey, cheerio.

Christina. Hey, girl. Hey. Good morning. Caroline said I went on a date with a. With the nicest man. He planned everything, came to my city, took me out. But.

Not you. Oh, there's no attraction for me. Okay, so, Caroline, on a scale from 0 to 10, what would you rate the attraction level? Because, ladies, if it's a 5 or above, I want you to continue and I want you to give him two to three weeks. And.

If the score does not improve.

Girl, I had to put this window down. Girl. It's feeling like a dog caught in the. In the car, honey. If the attraction does not improve.

After two to three weeks, you have to let them go. Hey, Gucci warms. Oh, w. Beautiful. Yes. Fun, fun, fun.

Tiger said I'm 37.

Is me dating someone that's 29 too young? Not necessarily, girl. Most of my clients are getting with guys that are between three to six years younger than they are. So you're at. You're at 8, girl. Girl, get your life. Let's see what. Let's see what comes of it. Caroline said I would say a five. Okay. Girl. Give him two weeks. See what happens now. If. If after two weeks, you. You're giving him a six, Girl. Keep it going, girl. Cuz you know what? Four months from now, he might be an eight. Here's the thing. Guys can. In my experience. I've been a dating coach for 13 years. In my experience, guys can go up three points if you give them time and space and if there's a deeper connection intellectually and emotionally as well. Yeah. So I want to. I want to. I just want to offer that to you as you are navigating this part of your life, girl. Yeah. Yeah. Here's the thing. Your type is not your type of the person that you think your type is. You will probably not marry. And I'm not here to burst anyone's bubble. I'm sorry, girl, that this is not the Disney Channel. And I'm not giving you princess happily ever after. I'm giving you Real Deal Holyfield. So I want to offer that to you. Lovely Brown. Oh, says omg. Hi. Hi, girl. Disrespectful darling. Said. Good morning, Anwar. Good morning, Queens. Good morning, girl. Shani said if I ghosted someone. Okay, we never ghost.

Ghosting is for Casper, girl. Girl, you got to give up the ghost. Yeah.

Don't do that. Don't be that. Girl. We cannot. We cannot ask men to communicate in a mature way if we're not doing it. Yeah. Should I come back later to see if he changed? It's been a few years. Years.

No, but what you might want to do just for your dating karma's sake is to just let him know and apologize, girl. Go on your apology tour. You know, when the. You know, like, Justin Timberlake's about to go on his apology tour, you need to be going on your apology tour as well. Hey, I'm just so really sorry That I ghosted you, you know, that was not the most mature thing for me to do. So I just wanted to share that and see how he responds.

That Y girl says, I am having zero luck with dating. No one is even talking to me when I go out. Are you talking to them?

Are you being that girl that's cute and mute in the corner? Acting like a junior high waiting for a boy to ask you to dance?

If so, we gotta get out of that. I want you, every time you go out, I want you to talk to two or three guys and see what happens. I call it TT1G talk to one guy, but I'm actually giving you two to three because you got to compensate for all the times that you didn't.

Nicole said, I'm so closed off to love, I'll have to hire you. Yeah, girl, go into the link in my bio and book that consultation call and if your application is accepted, you'll talk on the phone with me and we'll see if it's a good fit or not. Yeah. Melanie said, hey, love, Detroit loves you. I know that's right, girl. I'm actually, I just invested in some real estate in Detroit. I'm about to be investing in Toledo as well. So I'm probably gonna be there, I don't know, once every three to six months. Girl, I should do a little get together in Detroit, honey. Motor City, honey, Is that the Motor City? Girl, Let me know. I don't want to f up anybody's city. Girl, they come for your neck when you do that. Thank you all so much for the 3000 likes already. I appreciate it.

Crown said, have you had clients with disorganized attachment style? Girl, please understand, I've been doing this for 13 years, girl. I've seen every attachment style and I've seen completely detached. Yeah. So please understand that. I've seen it all, I've coached it all and they still got their guy. Girl. Yeah. Kylie said, hey Elmore. Hey girl. Thrift Queen said, cheerio, girl. Girl, don't you know I speak multiple languages? So when I'm in London, I'm giving them cheerio. Yeah, girl, that's what, that's what you have to give. Queen said, hey girl. Hey Joy. Love said, advice. 34 year old, zero dating experience, grew up in the church. Don't know where to start. Well, here's where I want you to start, girl. I want you to.

I just, I just want you to create an online profile. You're 34, I would say probably bumble.

Let's Start there. Just one. You don't have to do multiple ones like my clients do. Just do one. And then all I want you to do, put, you know, four to six pictures on there. Put. Put a lot of time into your profile. Really minimal. Right. And just wait a week. Why? Because you're gonna need to know that people are checking for you.

I think that you don't understand that people are truly checking for you. So that is like the first step. After that, the second step is I want you to start engaging with these guys because you're gonna need to learn how to just get your dating legs under you right now. You got no legs, girl. Yeah.

The other thing that I am going to offer to you, whether you want to take it or not, is that some of the things that you learned in the church, you're going to have to potentially step away from if you want to be successful in dating now.

Yeah. And am I shitting on the church? No, girl. I grew up in the church. But what I am saying is that oftentimes church ladies.

Have a difficult time because they have been taught to be the nice girl, which means and to defer to men. You have to understand you lead relationships and like you have to set boundaries. And boundaries doesn't seem nice to people that have been taught not to have boundaries and to go with the flow. Yeah. Well, you can't go with the flow in dating, but when you were in the church, you had to go with the flow. Yeah. And accept what has been told to you oftentimes from men. So when you're in relationships, what, what happens is that it feels very familiar and comfortable for you to have men tell you what to do. That's not how we're doing it in 2023, maybe in 1954.

Not now. So there, I'm just offering that there might be things that you might have to step away from to become the woman that's ready for the best relationship of her life. Yeah.

Kiki Said recently met a 61 year old lawyer, white and a gentleman.

His house is messy. Can I help him clean? No, don't help him clean. But let him know I'm not feeling super comfortable here because I don't know where to sit. Because it's just like a lot of things here.

Right. Or like when he offers to have you over. Just like the last time that I was over, I just, I wasn't feeling, you know, super comfortable. I would prefer to meet you somewhere else until, you know, the house is a little bit more in order. He's a lawyer and he's 61, so he has money. So, you know, if I don't. I don't know where you are in the courtship, but let's say if you've had, like, three to four dates with him after that, just let him know. Have you thought about getting a house cleaner?

My friends have been getting one, and I've tried one, and it's, like, totally de Stressed me. And see what he says.

Yeah, because here's the thing. He wants you over his house, girl, because he wants that yum yum, girl. I mean, every man does. Men are always looking for sex and find love along the way, and women are looking for love and have sex along the way. So give him that and come back and let me know what the tea is, girl. Yeah.

But I'm proud of you, girl. You colonizing, girl.

Colonizing these white men, honey. And I'm living.

Oh, girl. I'm in public, girl. And I'm. You know, when you're around white people and you talking and you're a black person talking about colonizing white people, girl, they might try to hang you, honey. So I gotta. I gotta check out, see who's around, honey. Okay, Let me find my place.

My God. Where am I? Y' all are talking your shit already. Honey, Jesus, I've been scrolling for a minute now. I'm already late to the party, and it's my party. That's the gag. Sabrina said, met a guy online. He is working out of town. He hasn't communicated much. Says he wants to meet still. Well, girl, he has a week to set up a date. If he doesn't set up a date in a week, he's out. Lovely brown girl said, we have been together for five years. How can I be better? Better in what? Girl? The eccentric said, hey, how can emotionally available men help emotionally unavailable men? Girl, that's not our lane.

Like, that's not our responsibility. If you are emotionally unavailable, it is your responsibility to get emotionally available. We cannot expect other people to make that happen for us. Lexi. Mommy said, what are your thoughts about the dating app Stir for single parents? I think it's mediocre. Yeah. I think that people that do this feel like other people won't understand.

Their lives. People understand you got kids. That's all right. Yeah, There are a lot of guys on there that have kids, though, because for some reason, there's a lot of women, and I would say specifically black women that do not want to date guys with kids, whether it's baby mama drama, whether it is just this like inner childhood wound where you weren't nurtured and didn't get enough attention. So you feel like this guy will always make you put you in silver place, silver medal or bronze medal and put his kids first. If he is managing what he needs to manage, he will prioritize you if he's serious about you.

Nematode said, how long after the first date should he ask you on a second date? Seven days. Alexandra said, how do find someone who can handle me without dumping my light?

I don't know what that means girl.

I me she will what do you think about me being 40 and dating a 30 year old girl? Try it and let me know how it happened, how it goes. Girl, I want you dating everybody. I just want the best person to win sometimes these 30 year olds are coming with it girl and these 43 year olds are not. Tiger thank you so much for the Six Roses. Good morning Ashanti. Rosie said, Love your energy. Calms my soul. Love your videos. Thank you girl. Rihanna said, I'm a black woman moving to Greece. What do you think about the satin scene? Don't know what the satin scene is. Girl, you'll have to give me more tea on that.

Good morning Quindalyn.

Good morning Ali Dally from Cali. Love the name.

Rina Said, Opinions on online dating, I love it. I would say 2/3 of my clients get their guy from online dating. So it's great. Happy Saturday, Daphne.

Jackie said, what's wrong with what we are attracted to? Oftentimes what we're attracted to is based on trauma actually, and it's not. And here's the thing, most of the time what you're attracted to is based on how you're socialized. If you were born in China, you would be into Chinese man. Girl.

But you're born in America and you grew up around black people. So you think that black and maybe you had to chase your father's love and so now you feel like, oh my God, I love black men. Now don't get me wrong, black men are sexy.

But.

We get to I want you to be attracted to the man that treats you the best. How's that?

Brienne? Thank you so much for the heart me. Good Morning Chrissy.

Ooh, 11. 11. Yes, God.

Yes, God.

Get into it honey.

Gucci Worm said, why do men think I'm so intimidating? They might think that because you're really pretty, men are intimidated by beauty. Or you might be really judgmental, right? Like body language, face, everything looks like, oh, this girl's gonna judge me so I don't even want to be into her. Those are the two things that why men are most intimidated by you potentially without me knowing anything about you. KB Talk. Thank you so much for the perfume.

Cassidy said if you work from home and don't get out much, how should I meet guys and where should I go? Online and then get yourself out two to two to three times a week, girl. Work out once, be social with your friends once, and do something alone once.

He's your 930 guy I like always hugs me and talks to me, but laughs when I talk about exchanging numbers. Confused. Don't be confused, girl. If he wanted your number, he would have already had it, right? He you are no shade, girl. Entertainment in the moment, nothing more. Right.

Tabitha? Good morning, girl.

Hey, Demon said. I finally started talking to someone and the conversation is great, but he doesn't have a car in la, girl.

Guess what? He's not alive. You talk dead on arrival, girl.

What is he gonna do Uber to you in la? As someone who was born in la, girl.

So he wants to take you out on a date and he is, let's say south of the 10 and you are in mid city. How is he gonna get to you? No way is he gonna take the bus to you, girl. And ubering is a mess. It's gonna take you an hour on a Friday night just to go out with you. No ma'. Am.

Millennial said. I have an irrational fear of putting myself out there due to my CIS and friends dating and marriage trauma. Your job is to do it differently, do the healing. Here's the thing, most of our parents, many of our family members, don't do the work beforehand and have these really jacked up relationships. And then you get scared of love and dating because that's your model and you think that that's how it's supposed to be and it's not. That's what I do in my program, my job. Okay, so here's the gag, ladies. You have three parts to yourself. You have a healed part, you have a traumatic part or a trauma part, and you have a survival part. Now.

Just between us skin folk, the white girls are half healed, quarter survival, quarter trauma. The black girls are 40 survival, 40 trauma and 20 healed. So why do this is why I'm a dating coach. For black and brown women. We have to heal and get out of survival mode to get into great relationships. That's why my program is focused on helping women become the best women that they can be.

Yeah.

Here'S the thing if you're because you have majority of survival and trauma, you will lean into people that have that as well which create toxic and dysfunctional relationships.

So that's why I do what I do.

Best Friend said this man did everything he said he would. I came back and it's amazing. What should I look out for? Well, what happened in the first place? Girl.

Lisa said he picked another girl. She rejected him. I'm still attracted to him. Should I approach him again? Don't approach men. Don't know you're making him the prize Girl so he has all the power. You have none. Doesn't matter if you're attracted to him.

Get with guys that are attracted to you and pursuing you. Someone that you pursue will never like you as much as you like them.

Slytherin King said should I tell someone right away that I'm asexual? Girl Boy yes.

Like pretty early.

Ladybug said is dating good in Cali if you date outside your ethnicity? Well, dating is a challenge everywhere. Let's just like put that down. Is it a challenge? Well, I think it's easier if you date everybody. Yeah cuz most of those black guys in Kelly are not checking for black girls. Unfortunately.

The fragrant foodie said dating on a serious level is difficult because I don't want kids. I get treated like a placeholder. Well then girl, make them placeholders again. You have the power. You should not be dating just one guy waiting for him to choose you. You have to be the chooser girl. And if you need to learn how to do that, you need to.

Join one of my programs.

Okay.

Heart says thoughts on sharing locations with a boyfriend no, it's too much. It's giving FBI. It's giving big brother.

Tan. Thank you so much for the nine roses. Mary thank you so much for the eleven roses.

P Rose. Hey girl. Hey Latrice. Thank you so much for the Rosa, it's me. K Said. Omg. I love you and your informative videos. Thank you Brienne thank you so much for the rose.

Felicia Lovely said I'm dating a guy and he's a five but very boring. He doesn't have hobbies. Should I end it? Yeah, he's probably a level does he probably doesn't have any friends. He's probably a level three. I just did a video this week about the different levels and categories of men. We're looking for level fives but you have to become a level five woman. Ms. Positive said, always great advice. Thank you so much.

Louis Said hi omg I Love your life. Life advice. Thanks, girl.

I've been in dangerous situation with men because. But went along with it because I wanted to be nice. Yeah, I can't be nice. Be kind. Don't be nice.

Nice is not saying something when something happens. Kind is say some guy's yelling at a girl. Nice is keeping. Keeping their peace and just like standing by their wayside and not doing anything. Kind is checking in and like, girl, Girl, you okay? Girl, you all right? You need to call somebody. That's kind. Nice is not saying something when someone says something rude. Kind is setting boundaries.

Daphne said, and that advice that you gave about not courting men, I was like, I don't do that. Wait, yes, I did.

Kimmy said, is it wrong to want to date a rich man? I just want a soft life. I'm more of a boss woman.

You're. I don't. I hope that I never come off by saying or. Or being like, you're wrong for doing this. I've always come from a very curious place, and I think it's important for us to understand why we want the things that we want. So here's the thing. If you're a boss woman and you're doing a lot, that lets me know that you have some boundary work that you're going to need to do, like your job. Your job is to make your life soft. We can't depend on a man for that. So how can you make your life soft? Now that's number one. Number two, I think it's important to have a man that is self actualized in his career because that will make him ready for a long standing relationship and a family. Now, rich. I don't really deal with rich men. I want my clients to deal with wealthy men. Rich men are insecure. And maybe this is just nomenclature, but there is a difference between rich men and wealthy men.

Yeah, rich men, even though they make money, actually do still have a scarcity like mindset and are still trying to impress people.

Good morning, Charisse. Jada said Amor. Your colonizing mission worked out for me. Secured a white man for cuffing season. Congratulations, Charisse. Thank you so much for the rose.

Pierrot said, no luck on White Boy Winter. Here's the thing, ladies. White Boy Winter is officially starting the day after Halloween. So I'm gonna do a video about that the day after Halloween. And it's on. It's on like donkey K.