Dating Q and A 11-05-23

Hello, hello, hello.

Good morning. Good morning, everyone.

Good morning.

Happy Sunday. Happy dating brunch time. Kind of. Get your drinks, get your mimosas, get.

Your coffee, get your tea.

I want to spill some tea for you today. Yes. Good morning, everyone. Good morning. Good to see you.

Hello, hello, hello.

Welcome, welcome, welcome. Now, for those of you that don't know me, my name is Anwar White. I'm a dating coach for black and brown women. A lot of people call me Coach Anwar. You can call me that too, if you want to, or just call me Anwar or Annie or whatever the hell you want. Just don't call me late for the party, honey. Yes. Now, I'm here because you know what I do up in here? I want to spill the tea. I want to know what's going on.

I'm nosy.

I don't have a very exciting life. So I want to live very vicariously through you all. I want to hear all your mess. I want to hear your dating highlights, your dating lowlights. I want to know what's going on in that and I want to be of help if I can. Yeah. So if you have any dating questions.

Love questions, relationship questions, dating questions, men or women questions, put them in the chat and I will do my best to read all of them. Answer all of them. Now, I want to let you all know, if I've already answered that question, I'm probably going to skip it and just focus on the questions that I haven't necessarily answered already. Okay. Now, for those of you that, like, want to learn more about me or want to work with me, you can definitely click a link in my bio and.

I think I have a free sign up for my newsletter for free trainings. There's a link to my podcast as well as a link to book a consultation. Call with me if you want to work with me. Alrighty.

Awesome.

All right. Fairy says hey from El Paso. Hey. Hey, girl. Hey. Not Coco. Good morning, Alicia. Good morning.

Nay.

Good morning, Rebecca. Hey, Pooky. Maya, Jian. Good morning. Good morning. Charay. Good to see you, girl. User551 Good morning from Dallas. Tiara, Not Tiara.

Say good morning from Nash. Nashville. I guess I'll say yeehaw to that girl. Hello, Ashley, Nicole.

Hi. Suni. Naris. Good morning, Jordan. Good morning. I love Chipper. Good morning, user.

Beetle.

Tuba said, omg. I just woke up and saw you were live. Good to see you on more. Good to see you too, girl. Honey. I conjured up your spirit and woke you up. Honey. Latrice, good morning. I hope you're doing well. User499. Good morning to you, La Belza.

Hello.

Where can I find a decent man in Columbia, South Carolina? Girl, if I had the answer to that, there would be no more Columbia, South Carolina girl. It'd be called Utopia.

Here's what I want you all to know.

I think, I don't know if people.

Understand this or not because we're so conditioned and programmed to think that, oh, it's just gonna happen just like this. It's not like this process generally like in My program takes 3, 6, 9, 12 months depending on where you're at. If you're in the south, it's going to take much longer. A place like Columbia, South Carolina, it's going to take nine to 12 months to find your person. Consistent dating work. Yeah, it's a regional thing, the south, slower culture. The guys are not as self actualized. They're not in. Many of them are not in stable careers. They're not making as much money to provide for a future family. So it's going to take a lot longer. They're unfortunately less educated. So it's going to take them longer to get the money that they need.

Which means it's going to take them.

Longer to be ready for a relationship and to think about you seriously.

So.

But I'm always telling people, girl, are you going out once, once a week and are you on the apps? That's like the foundational part of putting yourself out there. And if you're not doing that, girl, I can't, we can't talk. Right? That's like the first thing that you got to do. We can't get mad like, like we haven't found anybody when we're not actually able to be found. Y' all are working from home and dating from home.

Beetle Tuba said, do I need a consult for the dating strategy course you don't. You can literally just go onto the website and, and, and purchase it and it has my proprietary dating strategy on it. It has my kind of my, my get your guy dating process. Like what I want you to do. Date one, day two, day three, day four date five, date six, date seven.

Date eight to exclusivity.

So just go ahead and purchase that.

If you have any general questions around.

That, you can always email supportetyourguycoaching.com V said, Love your podcast. I just started listening to it.

Great.

I love that. Ashley Nicole Said, what do you feel about sliding in guys? Dms I'm not a huge fan of it.

I would rather you do that, like.

Reach out in a dating app, just.

Because the focus is on dating.

So I'm just not a huge fan of it. Yeah. Oh, and if, FYI, if there's anything that I say that resonates with you, definitely tap, double tap, triple tap the screen.

And let's.

Let's put the. Let's rack up those likes, honey. And I got a little bit of R B in the background, honey, because it's feeling a little bit more R B ish than Neo soul today. Okay. Hey, Chrissy, girl, for the love of fungi, said the podcast is golden. Thank you so much. My podcast is called the get your guy coaching podcast. I think Audrey asked about that, and it is all about leveling up. You as a black woman in all of your relationships with self, with friends, with work, with men or women, romantic, with family.

That's what it's all about.

Yeah.

Good morning, Fiery Virgo. Oh, she's Tag. Good morning. Good morning, Italia. Mark. Chris. Chris, Good morning. Good to see you, girl. Catherine. Good morning. D. Brown said, I'm on Bumble. How do you open the conversation to white men? I'm trying to have a white guy winter, girl. No.

No white guys. We need white boys.

There's a difference.

White guys, like, white boy has a bit more flavor, girl. Yeah, He's a bit more oomph. Yeah. Well, girl, if you want a white guy, girl, go. Go get you one. What do you mean, open the conversation? You open the conversation in the same way that you would open the conversation with any other guy. These guys, these white guys are not aliens, y'. All. Y' all killing me.

It's like you putting on your white gloves to try to interact with them. Yeah. They're not test subjects. The same way that you would talk to anybody. Hey, thanks so much for the match. How are you doing today.

Girl? I know it's not, like, this profound, whatever. Your job is just to start the combo. His job is to drive it. Yeah.

Sincerely, Aim said, morning, Uncle Anwar. Not uncle. Am I giving uncle. Well, honey, this white and gray hair is for sure. I might have to color it.

Alia said, good morning from Columbus. Oh, hey, Columbus. One of my clients has an amazing date today in Columbus. Super excited about that. For her, the Dilly Vanilli said, the guy I'm dating asked me to be his girlfriend. After two weeks, should I be worried he's moving too fast? Not worried. I would set a boundary and let him know that that's really early and you don't feel comfortable making that commitment right now and then. See how he responds, affects your pace. Now if he's asking you every week, it means he doesn't respect your boundaries. Yeah, that's, that's what would worry me.

Phil Hill said, hey from Atlanta. Hey girl.

Alicia said, how to tell my new partner I've never physically been with women. I'm a late bloomer, fresh out the I think closet. Closet door. Girl, be super honest. Here's the thing. I think sometimes people think that people.

Are going to harshly or negatively judge.

Us if like we don't have a.

Lot of relationship experience or sexual experience.

Or what have you. Your person's not going to think twice of it and is just going to appreciate the honesty that you told to them ultimately. Yeah, look, I think it's actually best that you tell her because what will happen is now she'll know how to navigate like sexual sexually with you. Right. If she feels like you're an expert, she might go at you hard and in the paint, girl, you might not be ready for that. No shade. Yeah. So you get to let her know, hey, I don't have a lot of experience here and so I'd like to take it really slow, all of that. And by the way, no late blooming. Right. We all have our own pace and I'm glad that you are at the pace that you are now. Okay.

A cold shar see said hello, missed your lives. Thank you girl. Chris said, good morning everyone. Happy Sunday. Good morning girl. Good morning, Aubry. Good morning, Lola. Celine said asked out to dinner at first conversation on Bumble. Is that a red flag?

No, girl, but I would just want.

To get to know him a little bit more and maybe ask for a phone date beforehand.

Madame Miyagi said, hey Amy, what do you think of 40 year old guy with a 50 year old woman? Too much of an age difference? Not necessarily, girl. Let's see where the connection happens at the end of the day. Yeah.

Yogi Rosie said, I'm on bubble again. Should I pay to see better quality men? I'm in Southern California. I don't necessarily think that you're going to get significantly better men when you pay for Bumble. But you that will happen when you do it on hinge. Yeah. Sss Said, hey, from Portland, Oregon. Hey girl. One of my clients in Portland's about to get into an exclusive relationship. Probably either today or tomorrow. So Portland on the map. Hello.

Aubrey said, I need help in the dmv. What do you need help with girls? What's the tea? Shine bright. Hey girl.

Reach his Board said, two hour coffee date during the day. He set an alarm for when he had to leave. Weird or no, not necessarily. I I love the fact that he knows that he can get caught up in the moment. That's probably why he set the alarm more than anything else. But the fact that you all were able to talk for two hours I think is a really good sign.

Sun Goddess said, I have a question girl. Put it on here girl. Just like everybody else is. We're all family.

Lavelle said, I'm on Bumble and Hinge. Yeah I'm I'm right now 20, 23. I'm anti hinge. Hinge is unhinged girl. Dark Fairy said, how do you deal with the tension that happens during flirting? I never know what to say. So the tension is really coming from you.

I guess the question that I have for you is what are the thoughts in your head? Because those thoughts are creating either anxiety or tension for you. So what are you thinking and how can we replace those thoughts?

Khaleesi said, which apps do you suggest?

Bumble right now is number number one for me and my clients. 70, 80% of my clients are getting their guys from Bumble.

And then secondarily I would say OkCupid.

Or match and then third tier is coffee meets bagel and hinge user 834 where the rich black men in Chicago Any every time I hear like where the rich man or I'm looking for a wealthy man, I know you're not ready. I know you haven't done the work. So I just want to offer to.

You that.

There are deeper things happening underneath. Money wounds, insecurity within yourself and probably an opportunity to explore yourself a little bit more. A lot of people that are looking for rich people, rich men are looking to be taken care of like a dot, like a father with a daughter. Which means that we might have, we might have some inner child wounds that we may need to heal so that we can date in our grown woman status.

Yeah. Ebony said, I love your newsletters. Thank you.

They come out every Sunday and we just talk talk about a couple of.

Different subjects to hopefully help you level up.

Italia Mark said, oh, you ain't never lied. Working from home and dating from home. It's girl, it's the shade of it all. Yeah. Deja Ador said, just standing, doing nothing but keep attracting broke men. Here's the thing, you're not attracting broke men. You're attracting everyone and there's just a lot of broke men out there. Yeah. So your Job with your boundaries is to make sure that you're cutting them off as quickly as possible.

Javande said. Do you call a man on BS on the earlier parts of the date? I don't. Because you don't need to.

Ladies, we don't need to argue with men.

Please don't. Here's what I know. When we argue with men, it's because oftentimes we never had a voice growing.

Up, so we feel like we need to be heard. You don't need to call a man out. Oops, girl, this iPad's not giving what it's supposed to. Let me put these jeans underneath, see if it'll work. That's better.

Girl, I don't think my kids are cleaning their rooms.

And Mad Dad's about to come out in a hot second. I hope we're cleaning our rooms.

Honey. I gave him the warning, girl. I gave him the warning.

Okay, let me see where I'm at. Okay, Let me. Let me grom already. I'm already like, girl, I'm already behind, girl. So let me get my. Let me get my ish together. Okay? Anastasia said, married for 23 years. I'm a widow now. Five years. Ready for companionship. Don't know where to start. Girl, go online, girl. Girl, just do one profile, girl.

Just to.

Just to remind yourself that you got. You got a lot going on. People are checking for you because you need that reminder. Yeah. So start online. Yes. Sammy said, nice teeth. Thank you. Yes. I mean, he said those teeth. Thank you, girl. I appreciate it. Sasha said, good morning. Good morning, Sasha. Paige said, I'm finding it hard to date in Pittsburgh. What should I do? Girl, go to.

I went to Carnegie Mellon University, actually. So you need to be hanging out in places where there are people that are ready to be in a relationship. I think it's called Shady Grove. You want to be in those areas, girl.

A techie girl said, I had a great date last night on Bumble. Amazing. Good.

Journey on most high sets. So glad I caught you. Thank you, girl. Kimmy said, I never know if they are being friendly or if he's trying to hit on me. Girl, if white men are being friendly to you, they are hitting on you. That's it. So did you see the guy who does, like, the hot wings show? And he just recently came out and said that he has a crush on Kiki Palmer. And, like, if you watch that interview, you will see that he's just, like, sitting back and watching and just saying things like, this is how the white guys will flirt with you. This is how you know that they're playing with you. Besides looking at their feet, they'll say. They'll say things like, look at you.

You.

Wow, you got this. They'll do. They'll do a lot of this. They'll do a lot of nodding. Yeah. That means they're saying yes to themselves, honey. Yes, I want her. So when they do this, that means. And if they sit back and they're like this.

Sometimes people will think, oh, he's judging me. No, girl, he's like, sitting back and just, like, in awe.

Girl.

It's the gag of a century. When I see this on a white man, I know I got him. Girl. Different kinds of men flirt differently. I think we're going to do a video on that. Because Middle Eastern men flirt differently. Black men flirt differently. Black and black men and brown men are very much like in your face, in. In your poonanny. All up in it.

No, no, girl, no.

Six. Six feet. Yeah. So they flirt differently, girl. So we got to get into that.

Thank you all for co signing on the not uncle part. I'm. I'm straight Anwar. Well, maybe not straight Anwar, but I'm Anwar. No uncle, no auntie, none of that.

User 551 said, I'm casting my net. Why? My friends say I need more boundaries. I don't know what that means. Girl. It's probably way too wide. Your net should not be. Should not include guys that are, like, financially not stable, underemployed.

Like, you probably are giving too many guys a chance. Yeah. Renee said, good morning. What site should I be on? I'm in Vegas. Well, the site. You should be outside, number one. And then also don't be dating on the Strip. Girl, you got to be dating in. My God. Now all of the suburbs are completely, like, I'm losing them in my mind. Date in the suburbs.

Here's the thing. I can't really answer the question of, like, what site you should be on just because I need to know your personality. But I. I did a tier system of the general sites that I like.

Zoom.

Good morning, Rochelle from. I think that's either Seattle or St. Louis.

Keisha said, what are your thoughts on dating divorced men? I think you should do it, but I think you should wait at least six months after their divorce. Never date a man that's been. That is separated. I literally have been doing this work for 13 years, and I've never seen it work.

Sasha said, I met a German man. Good. I love the Germans. There's A spark happening for sure. Any tips for Germans? Yes, girl, work them out. What does that mean? It means be your fun, full, authentic self. It's not too much for the Germans. It's because they're so restrained that your ability to live freely is actually going to inspire them to be more open. They have a pretty, like a harder shell, but once you, like, penetrate that, they will be yours forever. I lived in Germany for about a year and a half to two years. I think I was proposed to about three times because that's just what I did. And they live for it. And they obviously live for us.

Also. Call him Shatz. Shats means like honey or love. So whatever you say. Just give him that. Hey, Shats, right? And girl, melt. Honey, sometimes you have to melt these men like M and M's, honey.

Honey, these men are M M's girl.

Cali Grid said, I'm every woman in the background. It's your girl. You know, I had to get this music together.

Every time I. Every time I come on here, the girls are like, where's the music? So I have to keep the music. You know what's so funny? I'm on the live because I have this music up. I can't put all of these lives on YouTube, which I try to do. But girl, we're just vibing here. Yeah. And just FYI, if y' all want to work with me and do this, like, more intentional, like, work for your own dating journey, definitely book a consultation call. I have two programs. One in the low four figures, one in the mid four figures, depending if you want more one on one and 247 tech support with me. But honey, I have at least two or three women that are getting into relationships. And every week in my program, which is so exciting, especially for women that have not been in healthy relationships in a very long time.

Yeah.

Belena said, is it weird to give out a Google voice number instead of a real number? Weird to who?

Whatever makes you feel comfortable. Questions like this are really interesting because it means that, like, you're focused on, like, what guys think. Who gives a shit what they think? I sure don't. And I don't want you to. It's about what makes you feel most comfortable. If it's weird to a guy, then he does. He's not even putting his self in your shoes. Where's the sympathy or the empathy? I don't see it. Yeah. Cindy Nua said, hey, Anwar, how do you get past the dread of sifting through people to find your match, girl? By realizing like these apps, girl, I think so many of us are taking them so seriously, and we're thinking that every situation is like.

Like, the 199 of them are not the one. So when you're on the apps, ladies, I want you to think about it as if you're in Las Vegas and you're just gambling and they're just slots, honey.

No thought, girl. Just, oh, interesting. Fun, interesting. See what happens. Hope I win, didn't win. Hope I win, didn't win. Hope I win. Pick out a little somethings. Yeah, yeah, girl. Pretend you're, like, on the strip.

A little bit of gambling here. A little bit of gambling here.

No heart investment whatsoever.

S. Elmsford said, where do I find gym bros? I ain't going to the gym. Plus size, single. Grow the gym. Go to the gym. Do, like, the easiest thing at the gym, girl. Get on, like, a bike or something or walk on a treadmill if you want, girl. The gym bros are checking for the big girls.

Aset, what do you think about black women dating Gulf Arabs? I love it.

You have to be careful because some of them are already married. And you need to figure out if you are comfortable being potentially a second or third wife. That's part of their culture. So that's also something that's really important. Tiffany Nicole said, houston dating is nightmarish. Help. Yes. It is the second hardest city to date in.

One of the things that I think is really important is.

Making sure that you are very open and also keeping your radius wide for these apps. So sometimes you might want to be in San Antonio. Sometimes you might want to be in Austin.

Yeah. Catherine Victoria said, elmar, let me tell you, this man was pressing to come to my house before a facetime date. Set that boundary, girl. Set that boundary.

Nick Star said, hey, amore. Hey, girl. Jess said, hey, Omar from London, uk. Hey, girl. Good to see you. Tamiko said, I have an issue. I'm attracting white men, but they're too obsessive, girl. What spell are you putting on them? This sounds like who do who do the voodoo that you do, girl.

Chris said, I love Sunday lives. Me too, girl. That's why I keep on coming on here. Amber Marie said, love your content. Thank you. I appreciate it. Oh, we got 420. We had 420 up in here, girl. Now, I'm not one that partakes, girl, but I'm always one for numbers and angel numbers. And for some of y', all, 420 is the. Is the angel number.

Val the bombshell said, I have a hard time relating to some white men. Any tips on how to navigate that?

But here's the thing. I think sometimes when we're engaging with men, and this is something that women are really, like, cognizant of, you're, like, trying to find something that they, like. Here's a reframe that I think is going to be important. I want you to just do you like. I literally just want you to talk about the things that you want to talk about and see if they, like, hop on the train or not. We're so focused on, oh, I gotta figure out what they like. Who cares what they like? They're gonna like what you like if they're it.

I know it sounds really harsh and like, completely like, ova and like, bitchy, but I really want y' all to have this reframe. Yeah.

Soamazin said. What do you think about the league? I think the league isn't checking for many of the black girls, so I don't really recommend it that much, except for my clients that are super duper picky.

Tanisha said, I was telling my friend about you yesterday, girl. What were you telling? Hopefully positive things.

You know, as I get bigger, I'm getting a lot of. A lot more negativity, a lot more haters. So it's so crazy. Like, you, like you. And here's what I want to offer to you when it comes to that. Because so many of us are so focused on being liked. And that's the thing that's really scary when it comes to dating. Like, I just want people to like me, girl. Not everyone's gonna like you. And I thank God that I had to grow up a gay man so that, like, I learned that lesson very early. But like, your job is just to be your full, authentic self and see if they rock with it or not. And if they don't, they're out. Yeah. So please understand.

Not everyone's going to like you. And that's not what dating is about. And don't let them not liking you mean that. There's something about your worth that is less than cuz it's not.

Angelica said, what do you think about dating men from work? Oh, I don't think about that, girl. That's not for me. That's like, very dangerous, especially for women of color.

Tatty, good to see you, girl. Gertis said, can I ask a question? Of course, girl. Obc. How do you heal money wounds? By understanding what they are and how they. How they got there. Right. So, like, how did, like, what did you think how did you grow up with money? Did you buy thrift store stuff? Did you buy real stuff? Did you buy things on sale? Did you. Did you have things as you went to school? Clothes, things like that? What did you make that mean? Because oftentimes, and this is so important for women of color, when you don't get to have the things that you want to have, you will think you're kidding. Kid brain will make you think that.

You'Re not worth it, and that will.

Perpetuate itself in all aspects of your life. That's why, like, there's a complete. The rich black girls and the, like, middle class and poor black girls. The mindset is completely different.

In. In love, not just in, like, work or other things. Yeah. So like, you. One of the things that is going to be important for you, for many of you to do, because many of you are not impoverished, is like, to actually, like, look at what you have now and realize that, like, you're not gonna. You're not gonna be homeless if you.

Make a mistake at work.

I know that when I was.

When, like 15 years ago, anytime I made a mistake, I was like, I'm gonna get fired. I'm not gonna have a home. I won't be able to eat. Like, my. Mine would spiral, and it was because of my money wounds. So, like, understanding that is really important. And also living your life in a level of abundance, one of the. One of the things that you can do, like, right from the gate is like find someone to wash your. Or clean your house. It's like 100, 200 bucks once a month. Doing things like that and treating yourself every week.

After you do that, you'll gain pleasure and you'll realize that, oh, my God, I'm not poor. After I've done these things, I can do more of them. So you start to step into abundance, which is so important for black people, brown people especially, since we come from oftentimes places that are not that. So that becomes kind of our foundational mindset.

Kayla said is bumble best for everywhere. I live in a conservative area, SoCal. That sounds like San Diego.

I think so personally. But that might shift in a little bit.

Full Foleyan said. Love you. Thank you, girl. Reinvention coach. I love that. What is that? What does that mean exactly?

Okay.

S. Elmsford said, where do you find gym bros aside from the gym? All right, so you really don't want to go to the gym. Girl, I hear you.

Gnc.

Nike and Adidas stores, right? Anywhere where they can get their creatine and their protein girl.

Yeah.

Darling Daria said Tips on dating a doctor well how old is this doctor? Is he in his 20s or 30s or in his 40s? Plus, because there are different if they're in their 20s and 30s, they're not going to have any time for you. I only recommend dating doctors that are 40 plus. Jenny said, how do I sign up for the newsletter? Go to the link into my bio and there's a sign up. I think it should be the first one.

Taz Design said, I love your channel. Thank you for the advice. You're welcome girl Crab Said, why do boys lie about the future to me on the first date? I need to break from them. I need a break from them.

They don't lie. They actually really truly feel that way in the moment because they're just happy and guys are just like very much in their present. So like if they're happy they're gonna say a lot of really great things. But like those feelings are going to like go to zero after the date. Right? Whereas and this is the difference between men and women, for women the feelings will grow even afterward. Right? You have a great date, you're actually.

Going to have more feelings after the date.

When he's not in front of you, his feelings are going to go down and so he's like what he was that high he was feeling on the date, he's going to feel maybe half of that if that after the date.

Dragonspur Said I know pet names can be a sign of love bombing, but what about love or mamas or babe or baby? Same same.

Only one Jamisha said is having spark while dating real. I'm enjoying this guy. He's considered, he's consistent. But no sparks. Two dates in.

I'm not a huge fan of sparks. Well a spark. Do you mean like butterflies and chemistry or do you mean like I feel like this vibe. Right. Because here's the thing, when it's right the there generally is a sense of calm which is different than like sparks. Yeah.

So something something to be said.

Angelique Said, the apps have not worked for me. What are your thoughts on speed dating events? I think that they are great practice but I haven't really heard people finding their person on them. So I think it's just like really low percentage. But that's the case for dating in general. Yeah.

User 702 why do you think so many pretty girls are with guys less attractive than them? Because.

People think that if you're pretty you're gonna have dating is going to be Easy for you. And it's not. And the pretty guy, the pretty girls don't with. Don't get with pretty guys, because pretty guys want to be chased. And pretty girls have never had to chase anything in their lives. So they actually have. They generally get with guys less attracted to them because those are the guys that are pursuing them.

Deja do. I said, omg, that was the best advice ever. Thank you.

You're welcome.

Laddie said, I know you said to try other races, but I'm not attracted to white men that I have met. Girl, meet some new ones.

Everybody got a white boy crush. Girl, everybody.

Yeah.

Jamaican psych nurse. Thank you so much for the Six Roses.

Malaika. Ways to tell he's into black women.

One of the things that I think is one, if he's into black culture, right?

That's. Oh, thank you so much for the hat, honey. And the mustache.

Into black culture. If he wants to help you with black things, like your hair, if he, like, shows an interest in it, that's something that's really important. You want someone that's. That has dated a variety of different women, not just black women, because that can get fetishy real quick.

You know, nowadays it's not becoming like a. Before it was like, oh, I gotta get with a white boy who's just into black women. Now you have a lot of, like, non black men that are into amazing women, whether they be black or not. So you kind of have to go by it, like, on an individual basis.

Yeah.

Amina said, so what do you do instead of calling them out? You observe how what they've said and done make you feel. You set a boundary. And if that boundary isn't respected, you step out. If it's something that makes you feel unsafe, you observe it and you remove yourself from the situation.

Okay, let me see what's going on. Trini, thank you so much for the rose. Jamaican psych nurse. Thank you so much for the two roses. Tiger. Thank you so much for the heart. Me.

Avid reader. Said was on the league for three months. No matches. A waste. Total waste. And the league is expensive.

Super expensive.

Ebony sky said, who's hating? Girl? So many people. Sometimes the white girls are hating because I'm focused on the black women. The black men are hating because I'm empowering black women to date everybody. Sometimes there are black women that are telling me that I'm just doing it for money and not really doing it for passion or purpose. Like, girl, you put yourself on a stage and there's gonna be some People that love you and some people that hate you. That's just kind of part of the tea. These glasses are kind of cute, girl. Thank you. Poison for those. That's just the tea. Trini. Thank you so much for the two roses. Miranda said, feeling in a weaker moment. What's going on, girl? Oh, my God. Thank you for this, girl. This is cute.

Erica said, dismissed. A guy he wanted to meet up with, no plans, date. He just asked to take me to dinner. Do I go?

Well, I guess the question is, does he have a plan, a time date, all of that? And how are you feeling about him? Are you interested in seeing him or not interested? Right.

Because here's the thing. Generally, I would say you set the boundary. You let him know what's happening here isn't acceptable.

This is.

This is what I require. If he's moving forward and doing that, our job is to say yes until he stops doing that.

Art1218 said, Love your content. Thank you so much. I love Ambier. Said I can I look more approachable and interested? Oh, my God. Thank you so much for these hanging lights.

Fish said, am I delusional to think that my man is just going to find me? I think that your man is going to find you, but you have to be findable. Yeah. Some of y' all are serving. Where's Waldo? Where's Wald? Up in here. Hard to find, girl. Like I said earlier, some of y' all working from home and dating from home. Can't do that. Yeah. Can't try to get with the Amazon guy every time he comes to your door, girl. Thirsty for civilization.

Yeah.

Poison said, is it a bad impression if a man doesn't book a restaurant? Rest a reservation at a restaurant in advance?

Not necessarily. I guess the question is.

Is.

Sometimes he may not know if there's a reservation or not. So here's the thing. If you know that that restaurant has a reservation and he says, hey, I want to take you to this beautiful French restaurant called Le Petit Fromage. And you can ask him, oh, were you able to get a reservation? I know that sometimes that's really hard to get.

Instead of, you know, kind of mothering him. Right?

Or you can say, oh, my God, I know that place is really hard to get. I can't believe you got a reservation. So then he can, like, figure out if he needs to get a reservation or not.

User 551. How do you get past the fear of judgment? First you have to figure out who your tribe is. So many of Us are scared of judgment because we think that it's like, like, you know, caveman, cave woman days. We're going to get banished from the tribe and when that happens, we're going to die. And it's the same kind of feelings that we have now. But the gag is we're not gonna die. So it's like important for you to reinforce your tribe. One of the things that helped me when I was growing up and getting bullied and all this stuff, and a lot of people did not like me for x, y and z reasons. I've always had a mouth on me and I've always been quite sharp and smart. I always realized, well, here's the thing. My mama loves me. That's it. So I. So you got to figure out who loves you and use that as a foundation to realize I don't really care. I got my best friend, I got my mom. I got this person. Those are my people. They got me. They're holding me down. And that's all I need because those people know you. Most of the people that are judging you only know a certain percentage of you.

Yo, tlc was serving in the 90s, y'. All.

It was a Gaga said. What do you think of women financially contributing in a relationship when both work? I think that that makes sense. I mean, here's the thing. I always think of, like relationships as non profit organizations. And when you have people that are both contributing to the organization, you all will be able to do many more things. I mean, the beautiful thing about being in a relationship is the ability to create growth and build amazing things. That's one of the reasons why I want women to be in relationships. Not because I feel like they need them, but there's so much. It makes life easier, it makes life less expensive. Right. And so, you know, if you're contributing to an amazing house, that is.

Maybe before you were paying $2,000 a month and now you're paying 1500, you have an additional 500 to invest or, you know, do whatever you want.

Yeah.

Chassis said what to put in bio on Bumble. So that's one of the things that I do with my clients that in that start working with me. One of the first things we do is we do kind of like a 360 online profile audit. We help them choose their apps, their pictures and do a couple of editing rounds. It's different for every woman, so I wouldn't be able to kind of shift. I don't, I don't think it serves you to give you something broad.

Butterfly said, this guy always, always and only stares at me but goes out of his way to talk to other women. Girl, leave him be. Don't approach him. Don't approach him. He's scary.

He didn't want it. He didn't really want it.

Bri said, I'm a high earning. I'm a high earner that wants a high earning black man. Should I give it up? Here's what I think is important if you want a high earning black man. And I'll say six figures. Even though six figures right now is not that high earning, depending on the city that you're in, please understand that that represents only 2% of black men.

So right, one out of 50 black guys will have what you're looking for first and foremost. That's not even taking into account that he's actually checking for.

And that he has the relationship skills. This is why I always tell women, please date everybody. Because if you want to stay on that black man train, go ahead, girl. But it's going to be a long journey and for the girls that want to have children and babies and want to have them in a nice lovely family instead of, you know, just having a baby with anybody.

Yeah, you want to do that to.

Give yourself the best chance. I'm not anti black guy. I just am so pro black woman.

Ellie J. Yay. Said first date didn't go well. Super awkward. And I haven't heard from him. I texted him. Don't text a guy if it didn't go well. You have to honor that and move the hell on. Yeah.

Besides that, I'm good. So went on a date with my first Caucasian guy yesterday, I think you said. Was it awkward? A little, but it went well. Good you want to evaluate the second date and see because at that point y' all would have calmed down a little bit and that will be a better accurate, you know, determination about whether y' all are kind of good together or not still.

Nana or Nana. Excuse me. Why do men over exaggerate their achievements like positions of power and the money they make? Because they're trying to impress you, girl. It's real National Geographic. You know, like the peacocks are like.

Because they're trying to impress you so that you want them. That's what first dates are all about for, for guys. So. And that's why they like they talk so much.

They're literally trying to impress you. And what they don't know is impressing you the most would be to shut the hell.

Felicia said. How do you get a first date to feel less like an interview.

By talking about this that you talk about with your best friend, don't be asking them where do you grow up and how many sisters he has talk about. Let me see what I talked about with my best friend recently.

Girl.

Okay, my last question for my best friend was like were you ever like way into Frasier.

Girl?

Because I've been watching some frasier clips.

On TikTok and they've been cracking me up.

So, you know, asking about old TV shows they like to watch. Right. That's what you need to be doing. And this is about being your true authentic self.

Elena said, do you recommend paying for subscriptions for dating apps? I I think Match would be good. I think I always say wait a couple of.

Weeks to see if they are continuing to give you something. If they don't after that first week, don't.

Harley said, I didn't but I had white girl crushes. Girl. You and me both.

Alex, thank you so much for the hat and mustache.

Adora Dari's guy canceled first date. The date. How should I proceed?

Sometimes those things happen. Yeah, let's see if he reschedules and did he apologize? That's what I want to know. Those are the two questions. If he did for both, let's give him another chance. If he didn't, let's let him go. Tadiwa, thank you so much. She said, hey, I love your content. Thank you. At least it and why I fall in love after 1 second of meeting someone doesn't happen often. But why am I like this?

This is because couple of things. One, you're getting the attention that you want that maybe you don't necessarily get.2 because he's checking all of your boxes from a resume perspective but maybe not necessarily the boyfriend skills if it's just like one second and three, because girl, our hormones are crazy.

Love is addictive and guess what? We love to be addicted to things. It feels good.

That's why.

KB said does he have black friends? Is a big one. 100% you want to see. You want his friend group to look like Benetton ad honey all colors of the rainbow.

Poison said, how are the weekly meetings like in your get your guy program? Good question. So I have two group coaching calls every week. Tuesday night and Thursday nights at 9pm Eastern, 6pm Pacific. Tuesdays are where I teach on a certain subject. So like last Tuesday, not the Halloween but the one before I taught all of my clients my my three point framework in terms of how to be vulnerable because Most black and brown women don't know how to do that. So we have to like, give you. We have to give you the one on one and use dating to practice it. Right. There's a specific kind of formula that I teach them so that they can be showing them their real selves, expressing their feelings. The week before that, we did like a boundary quiz. So to understand where you at, where you are in boundaries, and then Thursday day are Q and A sessions. I call them meeting in the ladies room. It's similar to this, but instead of like 15 seconds that I answer, I usually coach every woman for at least five or 10 minutes, depending on their question, and go from there. Yeah.

So, yeah, if y' all are interested in that sort of work, which is amazing and great, definitely book a consultation call. The link is in my bio.

Said, wow. Red to filth. Hashtag thirsty for civilization.

Yeah, girl.

Queen Auntie said I had closed the door on dating. Your recent content on hashtag WBW WhiteBoy Winter has opened my eyes and given me energy. Good. I love that. That.

Kia's Max said, hello, beautiful. Is it too late to start dating again at 55? No, girl. The 50s are a great time to date. Those are actually. Women that are in their 50s are the easiest for me to find. Help them get into great relationships. It's a great time to date.

Trini, thank you so much for the heart me.

User 6152x should I ask a man to pay for my ride home after a date? No, no, he doesn't owe that to you. You can if you want to, but then you're just going to be put into a certain category, which is money hungry.

Yeah.

So what that means is automatically if he wants to do that, most men will be like, okay, no problem. But you're gonna have to owe me something. You make it transactional. And if you make it transactional, you have to be ready for when your. Your bill is up.

That's, that's, that's how guys are thinking about this. And I would just never want to put any of my clients personally in that situation.

Trini, thank you so much for the three team bracelets.

My Tay said SoCal men seem to be uninterested in marriage. Where is the best region to find marrying types? It's not that they're not interested in marriage. It's that they're not ready because things are so expensive there. Most people will get married later on in bigger cities. So if you're in the LA area or San Diego or something, like that most people are getting married at 35 or 45, not 25 to 35. Because many people want a house. And if you got a down payment for a million dollar house, get your life, girl. Yeah, most of these guys don't. Not yet at least.

Poison Ivy said, tips on Croatian men taking a trip next spring. Girl, you don't. There are no tips, girl. Walk down the street. That's it. Say hello in your biggest American accent. They're gonna be chasing you, girl.

Prison Ivy, thank you so much for the hand heart.

Coach Darlene said, thank you, Anwar. You're welcome, girl.

Ashley said, I hope black women start exploring other options. I do too, girl. That's why I'm doing what I'm doing.

It's not because I want to see a lot of biracial kids out here, but if that, if that is the result, so be it, honey.

So be it. Yeah. Now if any of you want to do this work deeper and more personalized, definitely book a consultation call with me. The link is in my bio. We'll talk through like where your opportunities are in love and we'll see if it's a good fit, no pressure. If it is, I'll definitely share a little bit about my getyourguy club or my VIP program and we'll go from there. I think I'm keeping things open for until Thanksgiving and then I won't open up my program until the new year. Yeah.

I love all the people that are talking about how they love Frasier. Honey, I'm glad I'm not alone. Why was I 15 year old little black boy watching Frasier? Girl Something was wrong with me.

Caitlyn said this was very Sunday cleaning music and is and is my taste at what about hinge app? No ma'. Am. Maya said do most of your clients meet their man on dating apps or in real life? I would say 2/3 on ABS. About a third in real life.

Coach Darlene said one guy after our first call I told him that I let him get his question out the way. Now we can talk.

Q said a guy said it was my turn to come up with a date idea and plan. Any thoughts on this? Nervous? Well what date is this Q you.

Only one. Felicia said anwar, you look very handsome today.

Thank you. How often do women try to flirt with you? Girl apparently often.

No, not often. Girl I am gay, gay, gay, gay, gay, gay, gay girl they can smell it a mile away girl.

Y' all.

Can'T see me but girl.

I look like a model like model physique.

Switching for no reason, girl. Ever since I was eight. Messy. They don't, they don't flirt with this unless they have absolutely no idea what is up and what is down.

Let me see, where am I at? Girl?

Doctor said, are you still doing the group trips? Yes. Turkey this, this spring. It's gonna be great, girl. User Lo said, what if his family is racist? Well, girl, here's the thing. When you are dating a white guy, you're going to see how he stands up for you and advocates for you. And if he's not doing that because small little microaggressions are going to happen and you're going to want to see if he catches that. Like if the waiter is not looking at you or the tone is a little bit sharp with you and not with him, you're going to want to see if he catches that and checks them. If he doesn't, you want to step away from that because he's going to have to do that with some of the members of his family, unfortunately.

Poison said, are clients more successful in the get your guy club or the VIP programs? Definitely the VIP programs. And the reason that is is because it's more personal. We do one on one calls each week and then they have 24, seven access to me. So anytime they're confused, they don't know what to do. I'm here to help them along the way. And it's really in those small moments that make such a big difference because there are moments where you can create connection or disconnection in the courtship. And so sometimes our triggers will make us want to act a fool. And I'm here to make sure that you don't. Yeah, so I'd say roughly 85, 90% of my clients in the VIP program will get their guy in that program. And the get your guy club, it's been fairly, it's a new program, but that that percentage is closer to about 50% within the year's time.

Authentically. Aliyah. Aliyah, what's the youngest and oldest a 28 year old should date, in your opinion? I always say plus 10 years, minus five years. Yeah, but nothing ever under 25. So I would say basically 25 to 38 for you.

JT, how many relationships have you created in your whole career? Good question.

I'm trying to do this quick math.

Thousands maybe. It's hard to say.

Probably.

Anywhere from 800 to.

1100, something like that. It's hard because sometimes people will leave my program and then sometimes I'll hear about their relationship. Sometimes I won't. So it's hard to tell.

Picking ain't easy. How long should you wait in between texts, calls to know when to cut them off?

I always say if they haven't like booked a date within a week, let them go. They're not serious. Yeah, let me know if that helps.

Use your 551. What do you do after you meet a great guy who doesn't live in the same country? You see how he shows up after you meet him. Is he texting you? Is he calling you? Is he trying to figure out a way to see you?

You want to see if he comes to see you within four to six weeks.

Bree Said, Are you still recommending Mumble as a top app? I am.

Coach. Charlene Said. Plus size women just go to a Caribbean country. Curvy women are loved. They are loved, girl, but girl no shade. The Jamaicans are crazy. Yeah, they love. They'll love you, but they're also crazy.

Like, and I don't mean that to be mean. I think it is a proven fact. Let me all. If y' all have had experiences with Jamaicans and Haitians and Dominicans, put your experiences in the comments here just so it doesn't feel like I'm generalizing. Jess said, Is the VIP one on one? Yeah. So it's a mix of both the vip, you'll have the group coaching sessions during the week, but you'll also have your one on one calls as well as the 247 text support.

Tiger Said, I'm a single mother. What should I put on my dating profile? Well, just put that you have kids in the question that said have kids, want kids, whatever. You don't have to, you don't have to say I'm a single mother. For so many single mothers out there, your identity is really focused on being a mother. And one of the things that you're gonna have to do when you are.

Dating is kind of put that aside.

Which is really hard to do.

They want. You're gonna have to put on your woman hat.

Take off your mom hat.

Kia or Kaya Said, I've been listening to your podcast and I've been loving it. Thank you so much for your content. You're so welcome, girl. My podcast is called the get your guy coaching podcast. I've been doing it for three years now. We just hit the hundred thousand, one hundred thousand download mark, which has been great. On average, I'm, I'm anywhere between the top 50 and top 100 relationship podcasts in the US which is amazing. And Great, because I only post every two weeks instead of every week, so it's really cool.

Angela Williams says, hi, Amore. Hi, girl. Lydia said, I used to watch Knots Landing with my mom when I was a kid. Yeah, I think I watched a few of those episodes too. Girl.

Angela, thank you so much for the the Six Roses. Tracy said, are you saying no to hint? Yes. Girl. I'm saying no to hinge. N o, no. Non. Nein. Nam said, some women have no gay dart and they don't.

Lydia said, sissy that walk. And I sure did. Honey. Switch him for no reason. Honey. No reason. Had nothing to switch on.

B. Classy. Said the white men in Toronto are. And then you're biting your lips that mean that they're sexy, they're hot. Girl. The brown men in Toronto are everything to me. I could take or leave the white men in Toronto personally.

But.

To see if my husband's around.

Honey.

Can't be talking about these men like I'm single. Y' all get me messy real quick.

Go. Teacher said, hi, Anwar. I'm looking for a significant other with high higher education.

Like a master's and I don't know where to look. Girl.

Go.

Go to the university, girl.

Here's what I want to offer to you all that are looking for that.

Honey. I gag when my clients talk about. I have a. I have a phone date.

This white lawyer girl. Get it? And that's what I'm gonna text her. Get it.

This is what it looks like to be a client in my program. Lots of cheerleading, lots of life, lots of support. At least that's my intention. Guess what? A smart guy has no correlation with a positive, like, successful relationship outcome. So you can have a smart guy. I went to school with some of the smartest guy in the world of them. I would never want to be in a relationship with most of them. So, I mean, I don't know what to tell you.

Alex said, omg. We have the same playlist. I know that's right.

Great mind. Think alike, girl.

Cool. Bean said, what quality makes a woman the most successful in your programs?

Okay. All right, y', all, I have to go. I have to take my son to fencing. Honey, she's that mother. Yeah. Book a consultation call if you want to work with me. And I see a lot of y' all talking mad shit about the Jamaicans. I see. I see. I see. Said the blind man.

Someone said, no more Haitians. Haitians are too dominant. Jamaican man was the weirdest dating experience. Thank you so much for co signing and validating so that I'm not the asshole. Yeah.

People are saying African men are guilty too. Girl, oh, girl, I try. I try not to shape my African brothers, honey. Yeah. All right. Be well. I'll talk with you soon. Bye, now.